The bar exam week...

What a week it was. I'll try to recollect it as best as I can...

On Sunday, the day before my first exam, I went to the casino after studying. Initially that was not the plan. The plan was to see Cookie, but when I messaged her, she said she was still on her period. Sitting in my car, in front of the ATM, I decided: casino it was.

I ended up losing $2,000.

On Monday I had the first exam. I had a few minutes to spare when I finished answering all the questions, and sat there doing a mental calculation of the marks I thought I'd get to see if it all added up to at least 75. I thought yes, but afterwards when I spoke to people, I wasn't so confident. I had screwed up the mediation question and the question about when lawyers were liable for costs.

The plan was to study after the exam for Wednesday's AoE exam, but I ended up going to the casino. I lost $2,000. I thought that would be it, but as I walked away, I realised it was almost 4pm and I actually could make it to the bank to withdraw more if I wanted to. I had like ten minutes, could I make it?

I drove to the closest bank, and desperately sought out parking. I knew in the back of my mind that if I couldn't make it, then that would be a good thing. The parking was looking pretty bad, until I spotted a space, did an illegal u-turn and parked tightly into it. If it weren't for the gambling urge, I don't think I would've even attempted fitting into that space.

I ran to the bank. The guy there was closing the gates and for a moment I thought he wouldn't let me in.

But he did.

And so I queued up and withdrew $3,000 more. I returned to the casino, and lost.

On Tuesday I spent all day in the library studying. I now felt like P&P was easier than the AoE exam, maybe because I had put more time into it. Kinda hard to believe because all this time I thought I hated P&P. And now I was feeling better about P&P than AoE.

On Thursday I spend all day in the library studying, but it didn't feel as productive as Tuesday. Maybe it was because it was Ethics. I just didn't feel the same urgency. Maybe that will be my downfall.

Anyway, on Friday after the exam, I went to yum cha with Albert, Peter, Jay and Victoria to celebrate. First we went to a pub for some drinks, and found out that Victoria doesn't drink either! This is a good match! I got to talk to her a bit, apparently she was in Korea until 11 and then she moved to Denver. We got talking about some NBA games she had been to and she said she got to shake hands with Kobe and Shaq.

At yum cha she sat in between Albert and I. I felt a bit protective, especially when Peter and Albert made some "men only" jokes. I didn't say anything, and felt guilty about it. Victoria kept pouring me some tea, and I wondered if she was just being nice or if she was interested.

Albert got really drunk after his beer at the pub. He started saying inappropriate and ridiculous things, like how Nancy was a spy. When we were leaving, Albert, Victoria and I were walking out of the shopping centre, and I had asked Victoria if she had Kakaotalk as we were talking about apps (I knew she did, but just wanted to 'formalise' it). Then Albert was like "I have Kakaotalk too, let me add you" and used whatsapp to send Victoria a message. She said that wasn't Kakaotalk and he kept saying it was. Drunk.

She left us and I said I'd call her before she left for Korea, and Albert started saying the same thing but didn't finish the sentence. I walked with him a bit before we parted. I called Genie to see if she was free to meet up, but she wasn't. So I messaged Ele to see if she could meet after work and she said she could.

So I decided to sit at the harbour to wait for her. It'd be a two hour wait, but I felt like just sitting and doing nothing. I was pretty exhausted after these exams and just wanted to relax now that it was all over. I sat at the water side for a while before my mind started thinking about the casino again.

It eventually got the better of me. I transferred $2000 from my personal loan but only ended up withdrawing $1600, as I thought it would be possible I'd be meeting Jin that night.

The dealer was a guy who looked younger than he probably was. He had this vibe about him. Maybe it was due to the fact that he'd look at me direct in the face after a loss as if to record my reaction. I couldn't tell if it was malicious or not. He was talkative in a friendly way, but at the same time I suspected it was pretentious, in that deep down he probably wanted me to lose.

I was up a bit I think, but slowly lost more and more. I thought I actually lasted quite a long time given I was by myself and basically playing every spin. But on the last one, I had bet the 1-2 sector, and it landed on 31...right next to 14 where I had a bunch of chips stacked on. I'm still shaking my head now as I'm typing this. It's almost impossible to believe that this could happen so many times.

And so, with that, I lost $1,600. How much was that for the week? $8,600? Something like that?

As dirty as it felt, and as disgusted as I am with myself whenever I look at my bank accounts and think about how I had gotten my personal loan down to $17,000 and how it was now $30,000, I justified it by telling myself that gambling provided me with a high, and I needed that high for the exams. It made me more alert. It made me feel like Michael Jordan at the casino at 4am, the day of his playoff game. Maybe I needed that same stimulation?

Victoria...

On Monday's exam, I walked into the exam room looking for Victoria and didn't see her. Even after I sat down and inspected the whole room I couldn't find her. My only conclusion was that she somehow wasn't there, but afterwards someone told me she was there.

So on Wednesday's exam, I walked in thinking I probably wouldn't see her again. I went to my seat and nodded hello to Albert, before Victoria seemingly popped out of nowhere to say hi to me. She asked me how I went on Monday and she said she ran out of time on the last question. I so wasn't expecting her and almost didn't know what to say, so just gave her a mini Twirl I had bought to share with Karen earlier. 

I noticed she looked down at the character on my sweater which I bought from Korea, and wondered if she knew it was a Korean brand.

After that exam I was standing outside talking to Albert and co about the exam, when Victoria came out. I waited for her to make eye contact to ensure she'd come over, which she did, and we all talked as a group for a bit before Albert, Jay and I went to get something to eat and study at the library with a guy called Mark, who seemed a bit nutzo.

Today I went to the uni near me to study. Got there a bit later than Tuesday, probably just before 10am, and then at 1pm went to lunch. On my walk to the Wick I called Victoria but there was no answer. I had Macca's peacefully, reminiscing about my uni days when I used to do this.

When I got back to the uni I saw I had missed a call from Victoria so I called her back. We talked a bit about tomorrow's exam, before I told her about my idea of going to yum cha after the exam as a group, which she was open to. She then told me she was going to Korea on Tuesday, and that it was decided on short notice, to see her parents. She told me she lived in Gangnum and I said my hotel was there.

She remembered I liked o-deng, and I thought "damn did I tell her that? I've been telling too many girls I can't remember!" and she said she'd buy me some here! Hmmm. Can't believe the call went for more than seven minutes without any awkwardness, which is usually a trait of mine.

I managed to get some good study done until 6pm, thanks to a can of Red Bull. I'm going to have a caffeine withdrawal headache after these exams...

Will this Jin thing ever end?

Sometimes I look at my parents and wonder if I was fated to be with someone like Jin. My personality and my dad's, versus my mother's with Jin's, just so many similarities.

Then I think about how everything went wrong, and how I am actually better off without her.

Then she called me last night. I didn't answer. She called twice, then sent a SMS saying "call me in five minutes", then called me again, then sent the following messages:

How
...

call me!!

If..

You don't now?

I wonder what she wanted. Maybe her student visa was rejected and she needs a marriage visa? Maybe she found out I was the one pretending to book her as Faruk? Maybe the Korean police contacted her mother and she wants to know if it was me? Maybe she found out I gained access to her phone records?

Lina message!

It's been four days since I saw Lina and I was starting to miss her.

I wanted to message her, but didn't know what to say, other than "hi how are you?" I then thought I'd wait until tomorrow when I'd have her rice and spicy tuna for breakfast and send a photo of it to her, to kick start a conversation.

Then I thought maybe this is just purely a 'transactional' relationship, and I was trying to take things outside of that scope when she only wanted a customer-service provider relationship. Maybe I was just looking for the next Jin experience...too soon.

I checked my phone moments ago and saw she sent me two messages. Maybe I was wrong? I didn't read it as I still wanted to wait till tomorrow to send the breakfast photo.

Also, I watched The Dark Knight rises, always inspirational to me for some reason. Really put the whole Jin thing into perspective. It's motivated me, even a little bit, to become the person I used to be.

Lina spicy soup

I spent yesterday studying at the library. I was at the law library initially when a few hours into it, Albert sent me a message saying he'd be there at 1:30pm and hoped to see me there. I wasn't sure what to do, but I knew I didn't want to study with him. I'm just not the type to study together with people, especially two days out from the exam when I haven't even got my shit down pat yet. I needed to be by myself.

I messaged back saying I didn't sleep all night due to road works outside my place, so was planning to leave soon. He said he was coming now.

Great.

I stayed there until he arrived. He instantly, INSTANTLY started reciting things he had memorised to me. I think his idea of "studying together" is rehashing to me things he had memorised. He'd say things like "in what circumstances should leave be granted for an appeal, there are six points, one, special reasons, two when it's solely on costs, three..."

Like, what's the point? Why not just talk to a brick wall??

Then he said he wanted to do a teleconference with Bilal to talk about question 4. Not sure what his obsession with question 4 is, or why he is so adamant it will be in the exam, but I begrudgingly agreed. What annoyed me more was he wanted to use my phone to do it.

So we went into a computer room and called Bilal. Phone off. Great. Now I can leave.

I also knew why he didn't want to speak to Bilal himself and wanted me there. His reasoning was he needed some 'leverage' so that Bilal would help out, and I was that leverage. He figured if Bilal would help us, then he would offer me to help Bilal with Evidence if Bilal needed any such help.

Anyway, I managed to finally leave him, went to eat some nachos and then headed to the main library building to study for the rest of the day. I deliberately went to the 9th floor which brought back a lot of memories. The seating arrangements had changed, but it brought me back to the place where it had all began: where I had spent entire days studying for my law subjects as a poor student, completely clean of vices such as gambling and prostitution.

I was back.

After that I went to the Wick to buy a Fitness First bag as the zipper had broken on my one, but they didn't sell any. So I went home, shaved my head, had a shower and shaved my stubble to get ready to see Lina.

I had originally booked for 8:30pm but wanted to get in some roulette first. I had to go out, withdraw the cash, and try to buy a rose and chocolates. I wouldn't have enough time, so I called the lady who operates the place and tried to change to 9pm, but she said 9:30pm.

This would give me plenty of time. I withdrew $2000 and went to the casino. I only had $1500 to play with as I needed $500 for Lina, so decided to split it into five spins of $300 each. I was never up, and lost in about half an hour. Using the $500 chip I held in my hand was tempting, but the obligation created by the booking prevented me from throwing that onto the table as well.

So I cashed out my $500 chip then went back to the main part of the city. I went to Coles and while using my phone, I decided to take a seat next to this blonde girl. It seems there was this Asian guy there who had just showed up talking to her. I instantly formed the view that they didn't know each other, and I was right.

This guy was actually trying pick up lines you'd see on youtube. He was like "hey what's your name? Wow that's a lovely name. What are you doing here? Who are you waiting for?"

And despite her saying she was waiting for her boyfriend, this guy insisted. I couldn't believe it, it was just like the youtube videos you see. I gave him points for confidence, but thought he came off as really insincere and as a "playa". She kindly defused the whole situation and he left. After that I said to her "did he really just try that?" and she burst out laughing saying she just wanted to get rid of him lol.

Anyway, I went into Coles to get a box of chocolate, and then luckily found a convenience store still selling Valentine's Day roses from the day before, so I bought one.

I messaged Lina to ask her to message me the apartment number when she's ready, and waited a long time inside a nearby hotel, before she called me on Kakaotalk. She asked me where I was, and I said I was at Coles. Her English wasn't good enough to tell me anything better than "come upstairs", so I went to the street level above Coles and waited.

I took a picture of where I was and sent it to her to say I was there, and no reply. Finally I decided to wait outside the apartment, standing there like a bit of a fool holding chocolate and a rose the day after Valentine's Day.

After a few minutes, but probably seemed like half an hour, I saw a figure from a distance wave in my direction. I guessed it was her as I didn't have my glasses on. It looked like she had come from a parked car carrying a few plastic bags full of things. I walked towards her and she gave me all the bags to hold. I took them and then gave her the chocolates and rose. She asked "for me?" and I said yes. I looked inside the plastic bags and saw that it contained a lot of food, like rice, kimchi, meat and two drinks.

As we walked inside the apartment and towards the lifts, she asked why I was late and I said traffic. At the lifts, there were some other people we got in with. I can't remember what I said, but I managed to say something that made her laugh and wouldn't have tipped anyone in the lift off that I was a customer. I think we just seemed like a normal couple.

We got out of the lifts and went inside the apartment. At the door, she told me about how she drank too much at Gold Coast and got sick, and how she saw the doctor and mentioned something about three weeks. This was the one on 91 Liverpool St, the one I saw "Cherry" at previously. But back then, I didn't really look behind the curtains that had been put up to cover the lounge, whereas this time I went through them and saw a mattress had been put there, along with a table and two seats next to a wall, and also a long couch.

We put the food on the table and she went to the kitchen. I looked through all the bags and saw indeed there was heaps of food. She told me she went to the grocery store to buy all this just earlier, and that is why she was a bit late. I asked if she walked and she said yes, so I guess I was wrong about her coming out of a car. My concern I suppose was if she had a driver, then the driver would've seen me. Her version was confirmed when later the shop rang me to ask me where I was.

The shop then rang her and I presume told her to go downstairs to get me lol. She later told me the shop wanted to take a photo of her in her underwear squeezing her breasts together as another girl had done the same, and she didn't want to. I joked that I could take it for her.

I asked her if it was the Korean grocery store on Pitt Street and she said yes. She started doing things in the kitchen and asked me to stay seated. She put out her ipad for me and asked me if I wanted to watch tv or listen to music, and I said whatever. She ended up playing a Korean drama. I obviously felt useless like Brain just sitting there so ended up going to the kitchen to help her.

She had opened the can of spam and I shook it out then she asked me to cut it up. I did, and then watched as she put it into the pan filled with soup. She had already filled it with the spicy flavouring and I took a photo of the packet. She asked me to cut the tofu as well, which I did, and cut a smiley face onto the surface. I showed her and she said something in Korean. I asked her what she meant and she said "don't do that" lol.

She also put in a bag of sausages and then opened up the pack of noodles ready to be put in when the soup boils. I helped stir it along and at times we'd go out to the table to wait. I asked her how Gold Coast was and she said she drank so much on the last day that she threw up, which meant she missed out on going to the theme parks. I half jokingly said we can go next time but she didn't say anything. I asked her how long the flight was and she said one and a half hours.

She went out to the balcony to have a smoke while I watched the ipad for a bit. I then got up to go to the kitchen, and turned around to see her watching me from the balcony. Wonder what she was thinking.

She asked me where I was going and I just said the kitchen. She then followed me shortly after. We cooked for a bit until it was ready. I took the saucepan out to the table while she cleared everything to make room for it. It was indeed quite a site, and felt like an accomplishment to see what we had made for a meal together. I even took a photo of it.

We sat down and started eating. She would keep giving me food, and I felt selfish so once or twice I fed her some of my food. The black rice she brought was really nice, too bad the noodles and meat filled me up. I think black rice is expensive, from what I hear from Ele.

I mentally compared her to Jin. All that time with Jin, she only gave me a lip moisturiser and made sushi and soup for me once (with stuff I paid for). Here, Lina had gone out and purchased a meal out of her expense and offered to cook it for me. Yes, I was paying for the session, but she was still eating into her money to pay for all this. Based on what I had seen so far, I concluded she was a much more sharing/selfless person than Jin.

As we ate, she'd tell me about the Korean drama. She said the main actor was an alien about 500 years old, and he was breaking up with the girl because he had to go back to his planet. She asked me if I was an alien and I said yes, that I had to go back to my planet too. She asked when and I said tomorrow. I asked if she would be sad or if she'd have a party. She said she might not eat for one or two days and that's it lol.

Then there was a scene where the actor was walking along the edge of a balcony, and she asked me to do the same. I hesitated at first before getting up, pretending to walk to the balcony. She pulled me down by the shirt and told me not to. She added, "that's 70 floors, this is only 19 floors" lol!

She asked me what other Korean food I liked and I tried to describe the Korean bbq Jin and I used to have. I said we can have that at Tosung, but then she said she can bring it next time. I really wanted to take this outside the 'shop' ambit, so I said there was nothing here that could suck up all the smoke, and she said that was a good point. I said again "Tosung" and she said "Homebush?" and I said yeah, we can go on her day off and she said ok.

I said we can go for ice cream and something else (that was sweet) and she said she didn't like ice cream or sweet things. Hmmm.

At the end of the meal, she told me how she didn't have my number so had to call me via Kakaotalk. I said I gave it to her last time and she said she couldn't remember. She got her phone and I gave her (inadvertently) my HTC number. Because no contacts showed up as she typed it in, she said that was proof that I didn't give it to her last time. She asked me for my name, and I thought she must have a very bad memory, as well as feeling a little bit insulted. I sat there feeling confused, as I was sure when I gave it to her last time, she pressed dial to get it onto her phone.

Then I remembered - last time I gave her the S4 Mini number. I asked her for the phone again and asked her to punch in that number, and indeed, my name and number showed up.

We sat there for a while and she stuck her leg out. I put her leg on my lap and saw a cut on her calve. I asked what happened and she pointed to a cardboard box in the corner, saying she didn't know there were broken pieces of glass in there. Ouch.

She also showed me how swollen her foot was and I asked what happened. She said she told me earlier, that it was due to the acupuncture and it would be like this for three weeks. I started massaging her foot and leg as if to make it better.

She noticed the bump on top of my forehead and said "pimple" and tried to squeeze it. It hurt. It wasn't really "ripe" yet so there was nothing she could do, so she gave up.

She checked her phone and then said "there's still time". I grinned and said "there's still time for what?" and she gave an embarrassing smile and repeated what I said. We kissed in the kitchen before she asked me to take a shower. So I stripped off in the bedroom and went for a shower. When I came out I saw her hanging my clothes up in the wardrobe, and I said she should do the same for her dress.

So she took her dress off and then asked me to lie down on the bed. I turned off the lamp and closed the bedroom door a bit, and she asked why (about the darkness) and I said more romantic. She went down on me and then got on top of me, before I got on top of her and then we finished in doggy.

We laid on the bed as I held her. I said I was tired and she said she was tired too. I must've drifted off to sleep as the next thing I knew was her asking me to wake up. I didn't shower while she did. I got dressed, and when she came out asked me to pass her the phone on her side of the bed, which I did.

I walked back out to the lounge before she came out. She pulled her bag out from under the table and showed me some stuff. She opened the bag up and said it was her food. She took out a pack of rice and gave it to me. I said no at first but she insisted so I took it. She also gave me a can of spicy tuna. Then she gave me that de-tox packet used to make a drink, and then took out a box full of what looked like lip sticks. She told me it was collagen. She gave me one, and I said no but she insisted very hard. So I took it and she later asked me to drink it there and then. I did, and it didn't taste that bad, but seriously, I thought it looked like a cosmetic product and wasn't even sure if it was ok for consumption.

I joked that now my skin would be so good, the next day many girls would be coming to me. She said in her cute Korean accent "I don't think so" lol. She said maybe after 99 boxes lol!

She said the de-tox stuff was now all sold out. I asked her where she got it from and she said a Korean cosmetic store on Sussex Street. I told her after I took the one she gave me last time, it was like "a thousand elephants" and she laughed, repeating what I said.

She even gave me a plastic bag to carry all the stuff. Damn. I was actually getting a bit emotional. Just on my third time seeing her, she had already done more for me than all Jin had ever done for me in a year.

As I left, I again said I'd take her to Tosung and that I would drive and she said ok. I also told her to eat the chocolate, and she said it'd make her fat. I said that was good, so no other guys would have her, and she said then she wouldn't eat the chocolate. I told her she could also eat the rose as I left.

Because it was nearly midnight, my ATM withdrawal limit would reset and I decided to go to the casino. Part of me told me not to ruin the night, as now I felt like there could be something with Lina, but the urge was too strong. I went and lost $2000.

Cookie for Valentine's Day

On Friday Lina was returning from Gold Coast, but I was unsure what time, though I was waiting for her. I pictured her returning for work, I'd make a booking, buy a rose, maybe even a box of chocolates. I'd knock on her door, strike a pose holding the rose and chocolates behind my back wearing my suit, and she'd open the door laughing.

But at 3:30pm all that came crashing down when she replied saying she couldn't work today, as she was sick due to having drunk too much. She also sent a "Happy valentine day" message. I guess I didn't doubt her, though I kinda wanted to see if she'd come out for dinner anyway.

Dude, she's SICK!

Yeah...I know.

I suggested meeting the next day so she could make me the spicy soup noodles as we talked about previously, and she seemed very enthusiastic about that. I knew I should've been content with that, and told myself to just go home and play GTA for the night, but I used Wechat to look for others out of curiosity. Got talking to this one girl who was based in Zetland, and ended up meeting her.

At the end of the day I went to Myer to buy a pair of boxers as the one I was wearing was dirty. I went home, got changed and headed to Zetland. It was much closer than I thought, like literally five minutes from my house. I waited for a bit before she messaged me her apartment number. Turned out I was parked right outside the place.

So I pressed the buzzer, and she answered in Cantonese. I answered in English and she buzzed me in. When I knocked on her door, she opened it slightly to take a look at me first. She said I didn't look Asian, so I said a few words in Cantonese and she let me in.

It was a medium sized apartment with two levels, a bit like the one Emily used to live in. She asked me to walk upstairs and we went into her room. It was actually like, her room. This wasn't a "shop" or an apartment set up to be a shop, it was her home! I paid her $320 and she said it was $350, so I showed her the message she sent saying $320 and she said it was a typo. I didn't really want to give in, but said I'd go down and get it and she said I could give it to her after.

Anyway, I showered then laid on her bed and she went down on me. She probably gave the best attention to detail while doing it. I told her that and she said she wasn't doing it with heart, but if I came more often she would. She also told me she was 20. She kept saying I didn't look Asian but didn't know what I looked like.

She asked me what position I wanted and I said for her to be on top, and she called me lazy. She just rocked back and forth a bit before we switched and I got on top of her, and we finished that way.

We got talking and I wanted to see what she was doing after and she said nothing. She said she was studying in high school here, and had been here in Australia for a year. She said she rents this apartment and leases the other room out, and she pays $650 a week for it. I asked her for her name and she said to call her Cookie. So I said "biscuit" in Cantonese and she laughed.

She asked if I had a girlfriend and I said no. She asked if I was "dry". I told her about the break up and the money aspect of it, but didn't say that she was a prostitute. She said it was bad of the girl to lie, and if she wanted money herself she'd just come out and ask for it.

We somehow got talking about spending the rest of the night together, and negotiated a price. She wanted $1500 and I said $1300 and she agreed. I used her computer to transfer her the money.

We got dressed and headed out. Her flat mate was downstairs playing some computer game, and ignored her when she told him we were going out. We went to Bondi, as I had googled a Japanese restaurant there. Had a bit of problem parking and then couldn't find the restaurant, so settled for Bavarian Beer Cafe.

On the drive there, she told me about her life - she said while she was being raised in Hong Kong by her parents, she suspected her mother wasn't her real mother as she didn't treat her well. So she investigated a bit and after seeing the vaccination card, knew that it wasn't her real mother. She discovered that her real mother was here in Australia, so she came here looking for her. She said she found her, but her mother already had two other daughters and didn't seem to want anything to do with her. And so here she is now, trying to survive all by herself.

She said the pain was too much for her. She said it was like cutting herself, over and over again, and once you do it enough times, you stop feeling the pain, you just become numb. I told her I thought she was taking it out on herself. I meant by prostituting herself, but not sure if she got the point.

I felt there was a bit of connection and similarity between us. I had gone to Korea to find Jin's mother, and she was here to find her own mother. Even she said during the ride that she felt it was easy to talk to me.

During the meal she talked about her other 'clients' and said some were successful businessmen and some were drug dealers. She said she had been taken to a drug dealer's house and was scared. To be, it was obvious what type of life she was heading down to. I asked her what she wanted to do when she finished school and she said she didn't know. I felt the urge to be the white knight in shining armour, to come into her life, teach her, and help her get into university at least. But I had paid a costly lesson in trying that with Jin.

Maybe it's time I accepted that I can't always help people. Or at least, I should help myself before I can help others.

She seemed fairly mature for her age, showing knowledge about money, how to make it, how to save it, seeing value in things and all that. I guess when you're left to survive on your own, you have to learn these things quickly.

One annoying thing was she kept playing on her phone a lot of the time. She told me there was a funny bit when I went to the toilet, and the waitress brought over the 1 litre beer and a lemonade. The waitress gave her the lemonade and shifted the beer to my seat, before Cookie swapped it around and the waitress gave her a funny look lol.

After the meal I wanted to go for a walk along the beach, but she said it was too cold and she was sleepy after drinking so she wanted to go home. I asked if it was ok to go for a drive and she said yes. She also said she wanted some mouth wash so I decided to drive to the sea side and get some petrol and mouth wash on the way there.

I was surprised and impressed when we stopped at the service station that she remarked about how expensive the petrol was, despite not even driving herself.

When we got to the sea side, it was unfortunately closed. I remembered the time with Jin where I got a ticket for going through the exit, so decided not to do it this time, and we went back to her place.

I wasn't sure what was going to happen, and after I showered, I was about to put my boxers on when she said we could sleep naked. She had gone to sleep while I waited for the clock to strike 12 so I could transfer her the rest of the money. During the whole night there'd be times when I'd wake up and try to get some intimacy going, but one time she got up and went to the toilet, and when she returned she said she was having her period.

So that was the end of that.

I woke up at about 6:30am and left quietly. It was raining, so no basketball today. I guess the gods want me to spend this time studying.

I messaged her thanking her for spending Valentine's Day with me and stated I left quietly as I didn't want to disturb her.

I think I'm too easily led into things, because now I was starting to think about Cookie more than Lina.

5 days before the exam...

Managed to go to the gym during lunch today, but only did the bike as everything else was being used. I was pretty productive today, despite feeling really liked and fatigued. The same type of fatigue I have been feeling for a while now - just getting tired of life, of work, and everything else.

Managed to review two works today and finish going through a folder of stuff, then printing out stuff I needed for the exam in late afternoon.

After work I met up with Albert at the uni near me for a study session. I didn't really want to meet him, as I didn't think it'd be that productive, but I figured it was better than nothing, which was what I was going to do if I wasn't going to meet him.

Almost as soon as I met him, I got annoyed. No small talk, no introductions - before I had even sat down, the guy's like "you know Rule 32.6, you have to memorise ten factors: referee's report made in error, length of proceedings, circumstances of case...ummm...and..."

It felt like he was just trying to memorise everything with me in company. He wouldn't give me time to look up stuff to actually answer the question. He's just going to try to memorise everything for the exam. I suppose I can't blame him, because as a student you don't understand how things work so you can only memorise. Whereas if you have had the experience, you read it and know it.

We called Karen on my phone and spoke for 30 minutes talking about a question. I got too tired and a headache after that so I went home.

If the exam is as hard as this guy makes it out to be, I'm fucked. If the exam is based on the notes given by the UTS tutor which we all paid good money for, then I might scrape by.

Also tonight I contacted a guy about investing in his brothel, in response to an ad he posted. I wasn't really going to do it, but was interested in the mechanics behind the scenes. Learnt a thing or two about how to structure money. I think if the whole Jin thing didn't happen, I actually might go ahead with it, but I'm still down like $25k, so can't take the risk.

Just out of it / Tiffany

Can't believe I made it through the day at work, and finished off my Ethics study too. Initially I thought about calling in sick, then thought about quitting halfway through. I was just totally out of it. It was a combination of not sleeping, the gambling urges, and the whole Jin thing. I wasn't myself. I think I am experiencing what all those drugged up actors and actresses go through. Maybe even drugged up lawyers. Is this the downfall of my career?

I wasn't thinking straight. Things got so bad that I seriously considered going whoring during lunch. The only thing that stopped me was my mission to call the Human Trafficking division of the Korean police, but their number had been fucking disconnected. There was a shop near the pay phone, but luckily for me, they weren't open at noon.

So I just walked back to the office, bought some lunch from downstairs and ate it.

I did end up going to the casino, even though I didn't want to. I had left myself with two choices - go whoring or go to the casino. I was decided on the whoring thing as I didn't want to lose $2000, and I could afford a punt. But that all fell away when the girl said she was going to sleep soon (at 4:30pm???).

So I did the same as yesterday (or the day before?) and withdrew $2000 from the Darling Harbour ATM. I went into the casino and found a table with a big NZ or Samoan dealer, who looked tired and totally disinterested. Perhaps because of that, he was doing something incredible - he kept spinning the ball into the 1-2 sector. By the time he did it four or five times in a row, I realised I needed to go with the trend. In the past I always tried to be the contrarian, looking for a trend to break, and that cost me dearly.

Luckily, this time I was right. I rode his streak of about 11-12 spins in the 1-2 sector, but most of them just returned me my chips back without any gain. I (and everyone else who seemed to realise what was happening) lost when on one spin it landed on 18, clearing everyone out. Even the guy who placed $1,000 on the 19-36 bet. Fuck.

After that the dealer returned to his trend of sector 1-2, where upon I started making some money. It landed on 30 and 27 where I had a few chips, and I soon found myself up. There was a change of dealer to a young, thin, Thai looking girl. For the next few spins I sat there seriously thinking about quitting.

When you came here you said all you wanted to do was win $800, which would be enough for a punt and shave off some more of your loan. Well, now you've got it...

Wait a minute. I've got two $1000 chips in my pocket, and six stacks of chips, each worth $200, so I am up $1,200, not $800! Fuck! Then what are you waiting for???

Despite my light headedness and being totally out of it, sense kicked in and convinced me to leave. Even the Indian guy who got extremely lucky and had won about $5,000 while I was there told me it was a smart move.

So armed with a $1,200 profit, I started texting around for a punt. Got nowhere with one agency, so figured I was better off changing in the office than waiting around. I changed, caught the bus home, then went out to the Naby shop, figuring this would cost me $250 rather than the $400 I was prepared to pay for the other agency.

When I went in and sat down, I asked the tall male receptionist where Ivy was and why she was gone for holiday for so long. He said he didn't know, that he just gets the roster from his boss.

He said the shop was busy so he could only show me one girl. When she appeared, I thought she looked quite pretty, so I went with her. Then inside the room, I thought maybe she was a bit old, maybe above 30. But when I asked for her age, she said 22, and she indeed acted like it.

We showered together and she took her time. She was surprised I knew a few Korean words, laughing loudly each time I let one out. I asked her how long she'd been in Australia and she said seven days.

While laying on the bed, she lightly kissed my back for a few moments before asking me to turn around. Her service with me facing up was a lot better. She seemed to inspect my penis for a bit before continuing and went down on me. Then she got on top of me which she seemed to enjoy, then I got on top and finished like that.

I asked her why she was inspecting my penis and she said I had little bumps on the head which I should get checked out, although it wasn't serious.

We started talking, and I didn't really want to tell her I had been to Korea, or show her my photos, as I didn't want to be known as "that guy who went to Korea". But I ended up doing that, having nothing else to talk about. She seemed interested, and said she didn't like spicy o-deng.

After I showed her all my photos, she got her phone and showed me her photos. I asked if she had a boyfriend in Korea, expecting a no, but she said yes. She showed me a photo of their cars together. She also wasn't reluctant in showing me photos of herself, and I gotta admit, she looked a lot better in those photos than she did in person. She said in the photos she wasn't wearing make up. To me, she definitely looked 22 in the photos. I guess the make up made her look older.

While she was scrolling through the photos, I wondered: what on earth would make a girl who had a boyfriend in Korea come all the way here to work as a prostitute? She didn't look like someone who was greedy. Maybe it was a debt thing again?

She pulled up the calendar on her phone and showed me she arrived on about the 4th or 5th of this month. She also told me she didn't work Fridays, and only worked five days a week.

I had pretty much decided that I wouldn't be seeing her again, but when I told her about my time in Korea, about how I didn't understand what prices people were quoting me, how some shops wouldn't serve me because I didn't speak Korean, she laughed really loudly, which perhaps subconsciously told me it was a good sign. She laughed so loud and so much that I was afraid the receptionist would know my true intentions (to try to see girls outside the shop). Even when things I said weren't funny, she laughed.

We showered together, but she didn't walk me down the stairs, instead staying in the room, to clean up I suppose.

I guess I can see her again. It'd be good to have a back up to Lena. I don't think she's interested in me other than as a customer. Either that or she was drugged up this morning when I texted her:

Me: her Lina
happy birthday!
hope you are having a good time

Her: Ya

Me: haha you are awake!
I miss you, when are you coming back?

Her: Friday

Me: I will wait for you

Her: Ok ^^

I know these girls. They don't wake up at 7:30am. Either they've been up all night, or she was on fucking drugs. I must ask her that next time.

No sleep

I literally had no sleep last night, tossing and turning the entire night. The whole Faruk thing bothered me. It also didn't help that they were doing road work outside my house all night.

But then this morning, I checked again, and she seemed to be calling a lot of people, including lots of other guys. So it's made me feel more 'normal' now, knowing, or thinking, he wasn't the only guy, so she obviously isn't dating him.

Fuck how am I going to survive at work today...

Happy birthday Jin...

I knew her birthday was coming up and never planned to message her. But when I woke up this morning and checked my phone, I saw she had changed her status:

우울증인게냐..말하기도 실타..다실타..

I quickly translated it and it said something like "are you depressed? I don't even wanna talk. I hate everything".

All of a sudden I felt sorry for her. All this time, as part of my 'everyone's grass is greener than mine' mindset, I thought she was having all this fun without me. Maybe not. So I texted her "Happy birthday Jin..." and turned my phone off and went to work.

During the day, I wondered if she'd reply. Probably not. But I guess it was wishful thinking that she would say "thanks..." and we could take it from there. I'd ask "how have you been?" and then she'd reply, and maybe we could slowly get to meeting for a coffee.

Bro, she lied to you about the money...

I know. I know!

Fuck.

At lunch I just went for a quick walk around as I was waiting on a document. When I returned to the office, I ate my lunch and then the document came. I made an appointment for an SD and saw the Judge would be RB. Wow, what are the odds, seriously. I only know of two SC Judges and last two times will be ones I know.

When Aaron and I went, RB chose to receive the documents without seeing us. I wondered if it was his usual practice, or if it had something to do with me. Did he not like me? Or did he not want anything to be seen as inappropriate?

I had been studying Ethics throughout the day, trying to summarise all the cases. By the end of the day, I had 13 more to go. I was tossing and turning between finishing them off, or going to the casino. It was a tough battle, but in the end, casino won out, and I didn't even really want to go. I didn't want to bring my personal loan debt back up to $20k.

But I withdrew $2,000 and went. I played on a table with only one Asian man playing colour. I lost the first spin, which was ouch. Then sat out a whole lot of spins before there was a change in dealer. It was this talkative Asian guy. I won big on one when I bet on the 0 sector and it landed on 31. It was VERY lucky because it bounced and could've easily landed next door at 14, where I would've lost.

I won a small amount again, before losing a small amount back, and cashing in. $800 profit was plenty. This was my Lina money for Friday and an additional $300 off the loan as well.

I walked back to the office slowly. Even though I'd won, I still felt uneasy inside.

Is $800 really worth your future career at the bar?

I changed at the office, then indulged in having six wicked wings at KFC.

At home, I knew I shouldn't have, but I wanted to see what Jin was up to on her birthday. I saw three calls made to that Faruk guy, amongst other calls and messages to other girls. My mind immediately raced at 100 miles per hour. Jealousy raged, but I told myself to stay in control.

I was convinced she was interested in him. But later realised it could be anything. They could just be having a party and she was inviting him as part of the group.

I told myself, at least I have Lina now...or do I?

Why do I date prostitutes?

This question crossed my mind the other day, and if I'm not wrong, it may have been the first time I ever thought about it. More surprisingly, I had the answer:

Because seeing a prostitute was a session in a vacuum, both in the sense of time and in location. If I did anything embarrassing or fucked up in any other way, it would all end after I left. No embarrassing left overs. No consequences.

That was the reason.

And just when I thought Victoria would be my saviour to my unwilling destiny, today proved me wrong. After going to the gym at lunch, I decided to bite the bullet and messaged her asking if she was free for study tomorrow. 

No answer.

Suddenly all hope had disappeared, and I sunk back into my world of prostitution. 

At least I have Lina.

For now...

That provided some comfort. Until of course when it happens that she refuses to go out with me, despite saying yes all this time, like Yuna.

Which brings me to another point - I was thinking about it today, and wondered how serious she was when she said yes to my invitations. The thing is, she said no to sky diving and bridge climbing, so that must show she wasn't just saying yes to everything? That she had some sort of filter before responding?

Wonder how her holiday is going...

The final nail in the coffin...

I woke up early on Saturday morning, not really sure why. I don't think it had anything to do with the gambling bug, but once I was awake, that thought did occur to me. So I found myself transferring $2,000 out of my personal loan account to my everyday transaction account, and withdrawing it at an ATM on the drive there.

As bad as it sounds, I inhaled the morning casino air like a drug. There's something to be said for the combination of the casino air conditioning and (maybe because I'm a morning person) the scent of morning freshness, ala the scenery and atmosphere of the casino when everyone is either wide awake or sleep deprived.

I knew if I lost $2,000, I'd feel like ABSOLUTE SHIT during basketball later that morning. But I risked it anyway.

I was disappointed to see only one $10 table open and one $5 table open. The dealer was talking to the pit boss so I walked around looking for another table. None. I returned, and put down $1200 for chips. I only had time to place out one stack on the first spin, which turned out to be a good thing as I lost.

On the next spin I bet on the 0 sector and won. I went again and won. By now I was up by more than $600 and hesitating, as I didn't want to lose it back. I played with the 'change' and won, then lost, before cashing it in. I walked to the cashier counting my chips, not really able to believe my luck. As I walked back to my car, I knew my luck would run out sooner or later, and told myself not to come back.

I went to deposit the cash, returned home, got changed and went to bball. Had a good run, but seemed shorter than I would've liked. Also, maybe it's just a mental thing, but I felt like I got tired quicker than usual, although I did do a lot of running. Before the last game, we were sorting out our positions, and I joked "I really have no choice" and then that Paul guy said "we need you to run". And so I did. Almost every time the other team shot, I ran up ahead. Half of those times my team threw it up to me. Why can't my own team do this? Beats me.

When I got home I felt so tired. I had a shower and got something to eat, before lying down on the bed. It felt so good. I ended up having a bit of a nap. When I woke up, I found my left thigh cramping like hell. I literally could not move, and was pretty close to screaming. I guess I was lacking water. Or sugar. Or salt.

I made my way to the library and got a decent amount of study done.

At night, I found myself outside a shop Jin may have been working at in Marrickville. I initially wanted to find a place to cry, but found myself here. I felt some anger, deriving pleasure in seeing how the place was not frequented by many. For those who did come, I felt more anger, wanting to scratch their cars with my keys while they were inside.

Today
This morning, I went out to the office to try to get some study done, but could not get past the stupid security. Hope I'm not spoken to tomorrow about any break in attempts.

I ended up going to study at UTS. I found myself getting into a real good flow, and was definitely the most productive study session I have ever had. I also found my mind was beginning to drift away from the obsession with Jin - was it because of study, or because of Lina? I don't know.

Then around 12:30pm there was a stupid fire alarm. I decided to sit it out until some security idiot asked everyone to evacuate, only to tell us we could go back in when I made my way to the exit.

Since I had packed, and I was a little hungry, I decided to go for lunch at Market City. Those soupy noodles at Happy Chef are always so good.

I thought I would feel lazy after eating, but I surprised myself by keeping up the study momentum when I returned. I even pushed myself to finish re-writing all my notes, and finished at about 4:30pm. I went home and played GTA for a bit.

And also, just moments, I sent an email to the Korean police about Jin's situation. For me, it is the final nail in the coffin. I am ready to leave this behind...

Lina food

Yesterday Mob was away so my plan was to study Ethics the whole day. I knew it was optimistic, but I wanted to get through all the cases in one day. Despite half my best efforts, I only got through five, and managed to get to the gym during lunch.

All day I was thinking about how my time with Lina would unfold. I had already booked her for 5:30pm, maybe a bit too eager as I sent the message the day before. I checked the Home Thai menu to see what I could order. It was really a stroke of luck that I even thought about the place, as I really had no idea where I'd get some appropriate food. It was even luckier that it was on the same street as the apartment.

At 4:30pm I called the restaurant to place my order to be collected just after 5pm, and then realised that Ben and everyone else had left for the day.

Damn, should've said earlier.

I ended up being a bit late as I just finished packing my bag to take home when I returned, and also because I under-estimated how far the restaurant was. When I got there the food was ready to be picked up. The girl who took my money looked like the girl that Bo teased me about when Nick, he and I went there for a meal a long time ago. I wonder if she remembers me.

I got the food and headed off to the apartment, getting there at about 5:15pm. I figured because I was bringing food, as opposed to having sex, she might give me some extra time. I kept pressing 102 until some guy answered and said I had the wrong number. I then checked my phone and realised it was 201, lol.

Anyway, there was no answer on that either. I messaged her and the messages were unread. I called the shop, who seemed apologetic and said they'd call her (but she was at school and wasn't answering her phone), at which time they seemed to receive a call from her and I heard the female boss talk to her, saying she had a customer waiting, and basically telling her to hurry up.

I later saw that she had replied to my messages saying she'd be there in a minute. I sat down at the steps to the other entrance of the building. I placed the food down next to me, and wondered, "when she comes through the other side, will she approach me? Or will she go up to the apartment first and then text me? Would she even recognise the back of me in a suit?"

I was checking out 9gag on my Samsung S4 Mini and thinking about the above, when I sensed someone approaching and tap me on the shoulder. It was her! She asked me why I didn't answer my phone as she had called me on Kakaotalk. I put my S4 Mini away and then checked my HTC - she had indeed called me.

As I got up, I said I had two phones, and she said "why, are you drug dealer?" lol. Before I came, I told myself not to tell her about having two phones. I'd keep my whoring on my old phone, separate from my new phone and number.

We walked towards the lift, and she grabbed onto my right arm as we walked. I wondered for a second whether she minded being seen with me in public, but then again, this was just inside the apartment lobby. As we went through the automatic double doors, she gestured for me to take hold of her blue bag. I took it and commented about it being heavy, and asked what was inside. She said juice and fruits. While waiting for the lift, I pretended lifting the bags as if they were weights and said she could do exercise like this.

She commented on my suit in the lift and asked why I was dressed like this, and I said for work. She asked if I dressed like this every day and I said yes, then said "sometimes blue, sometimes black", referring to the tie.

When we went into the apartment, I put her bag on the bed and took the food into the lounge area. There was another girl there, and I was a bit startled. We greeted each other, I can't remember what she asked, but it prompted me to say "we're just friends" as I placed the food on the table. She then said "oh, I thought you were a customer" and giggled. What made this more embarassing was when Lina sat down next to me, she asked for the money, and I handed over $250 in front of the other girl. Hmmm.

The next 10 or so minutes were kinda awkward as the girl sat in front of us, saying she was waiting for a friend. I unpacked the food as Lina went to get some bowls. The girl finally left and Lina brought out her ipad to play a movie. She screamed a bit when at the kitchen sink as there were ants all over the place. She told me that whenever the Chinese and Thai girls come here there are ants.

We finally settled in and ate as we watched the movie and talked. I offered her the drinks and she took the Sprite so I had the Coke. She said she liked the pad thai, although I found the rice to be better. Pad Thai just doesn't seem right in a take away box. She fed me the first couple of spoons of fried rice, which made me feel like a baby. Also wasn't sure how clean the utencils were, so I used the chopsticks provided by the restaurant. When I ate, I'd hold the chopsticks in my right hand, and create a 'bowl' shape with my left hand underneath the food as I brought it to my mouth. After doing this a few times she gave me the lid of the take away box lol.

At times she would explain to me what was happening in the movie, but I still had no idea really what it was about, especially since she started it in the middle for some reason.

She pointed out that there was a fortune teller in the movie. I asked if she had seen one before and she said yes. She said she was told not to get married before 35. She also curled her wrist up for me and showed me the folds of skin at the side of the pinkie, saying the more folds there are, the more likely you were a playboy/playgirl. She said she was not a playgirl, I showed her mine and asked if I was a playboy and she said no.

I was pretty content to do without the sex, I guess I just wanted the girlfriend feel in an apartment. When I had had enough food, I leaned back and rested. She asked if I wanted some fruit, and I said yes. I saw her go into the bedroom and come back to the kitchen sink. After a few moments I went up behind her at the sink and saw she was peeling oranges. She said there was no knife. I picked up the pomegranate and she said it was good for guys. I then picked up a knife and gave it to her, and she used it to cut the pomegranate. She asked me to step back as the juice might get onto my shirt, so I sat back down at the couch.

When she joined me with the fruit, I ate a slice of orange and she fed me spoons of the pomegranate. In fact, I think she gave me the whole bowl. She had managed to get all the little juicy bits out. She kept saying it was good for my "brother". I fed her a piece of orange as well.

After that we sat back and she said she got some pomegranate on her white dress. There were a few tiny dots of it on her dress, and I said I'd clean it for me, and started rubbing her breast. I knew time was running out and figured maybe we could just leave each other with a bit of foreplay. We started kissing, and my hand found its way under her dress, towards her panties and up at her breast. I managed to get access to one breast and started kissing it when she said "you're making me horny" and asked if I wanted to stay.

I knew full well what she was doing to try to get me to pay for another hour. I acquiesced. I said I'd go to the ATM and asked her where the closest one was, and she tried to give me directions. I told her to ask her boss if it was ok, and she texted, then said yes. I asked if she wanted to come with me, and she paused before shaking her head and adding "I am shy".

Yeah bull shit. You just don't want to be seen with me in public. The reason? Not quite sure.

As I was about to head out the door, she gave me the key to the apartment to get back in.

God, this really feels like a relationship. If only this was her actual house.

I went out to the convenience store and withdrew $250, feeling a bit like a chump, but ummm...oh well. I used the key to get back inside and sat down on the couch, placing the cash and key on the table. She counted the money and I joked "you don't trust me?" which I think caught her off guard a bit, as she said something about her boss or something. I just laughed and said I understand.

We started kissing again before she asked if we wanted to do it here or in the bedroom. I didn't really know, but she asked me to shower so I stripped down and showered. I wrapped a towel around myself and went to the bathroom where I saw she was standing also with a towel wrapped around her. We started kissing and she asked me to get on the bed.

So I laid down and she went down on me. She had music playing from her ipad, and the lights had been dimmed. When she finished, she asked if I knew what the song was saying and I said no. She said it was "I love you" in Korean. Hmmm.

She got on top of me, and I thought she had a really hot body, despite the fake breasts. We then changed positions where I was on top, then doggy, then I was on top again. I think I did a really bad job of doggy and that's why we changed again.

When I was on top, we kissed a lot, and there was even lots of tongue involved. We looked each other in the eyes, and I thought I saw a bit, just a bit, of that cloudy foamy look in her eyes, just like Jin used to have when we made love.

It took a while for me to finish, and it didn't help that my foot was starting to cramp up, but I was glad when I finally delivered. She was playing with me even after that before I finally grabbed the bin for her to put the condom and tissues into.

I laid down on my back and she laid down next to me, and I held her for a bit before she grabbed her phone and flipped onto her tummy. I did the same and we started talking.

She said she was planning to do this job for one or two more years, and then go back to Korea to get a certificate in nail polishing so she can come back to open a shop here. She said there aren't many shops here, and the ones in Korea don't make much money. It was good to see she had a plan at least.

I asked if she was working tomorrow, and she said yes. I asked if she was working Sunday and she said yes. I asked if she was working Monday and she said no. She said she was going to the Gold Coast from Monday to about Thursday as her birthday was 12 February.

Are you serious? That's a day after Jin's. Are you fucking kidding me? Is this some kind of sick joke??

My next thought was that she must be going with a guy she hasn't told me about. I asked who she was going with and she said friends. I then got a bit closer and asked if it was all girls and she said yes. At the time, I still didn't believe her, but looking back now, if she's coming back before Valentine's Day, or even on Valentine's Day, then she probably wasn't lying.

She said she wanted to see me tomorrow, and I said Tuesday. She said she was in Gold Coast, and I joked she could fly down. She later asked why I suggested Tuesday, and I can't remember my response. I later jokingly asked if I could come with her, and she asked "you are not working Tuesday?" and I said I was joking. Maybe it's just me, but for a split second I thought she was actually open to the idea. She obviously didn't make up some excuse for me not to come, like "girls only" or something.

I added that I was a lawyer and she said she knew. She asked how many jobs I had, and I said "two, I mean one", as I had earlier told her of my under shirt idea, so I was confused. She told me she had a Chinese customer the other day who owned a lot of companies, and she named some products of them.

I asked if she goes clubbing and she said yes but is too lazy now, as it takes an hour to do her make up and she can't be bothered. I asked if she gets approached by guys, and she said she's been to The Ivy and Marquee and there was a Chinese guy who spoke to her but she didn't know what he was talking about.

I think there was a bit of talk when I'd come next and I think she said something about Friday, but I'm not sure.

I said something about her birthday being close to Valentine's Day so it was easy as I'd get her just one present. I think she mis-interpreted it, and said she has asked her friends not to get her any presents.

She asked me if I liked sky diving, and I asked if she wanted to go. She said no, but her friend was going. I asked if she wanted to climb the harbour bridge and she said no because she was scared. I said she could trust me, and pointed to my face as if I had a trustworthy face and she said she didn't trust me lol.

We then got talking about food. I said I'd take her to a Korean restaurant near Strathfield on Parramatta Road. She thought about it for a bit before saying "Tosung?" I couldn't remember the name, so she pulled out the business card, and when I saw the name in writing, I remembered and said yes. She said she'd been there and it was good. I again asked if she wanted to go and she said yes. I asked if she could drive and she was like "you can't drive?" and I said I could, but just wanted to see if she could.

She said she had two car accidents in Sinsa where she lived, and told me about them. She said the first was when she broke the side mirror as she hit a woman's car, but the woman for some reason drove away. She said the second was when she was reverse parking and hit a hummer, and then three angry Korean men approached her and demanded money.

I told her I was a good driver, and that I texted when I drove. I even gave an example of driving and pretending to see a text from her and acted all excited about it. She called me out on it by saying something about me not even answering her call. Good call, lol.

She said something about not wanting me to text and drive, saying it was dangerous. I said we can die together and she said no. She said she wanted to live to 101. I said we can die together, she can die at 101 and I can die at 107. She asked why, meaning why did we have to die at different times. I then said I was six years older than her, and she said nothing with a sheepish look on her face lol.

She asked me what other Korean food I liked apart from o-deng because that was cheap. I tried to describe to her the spicy soup with instant noodles and spam, and she looked it up on Naver and showed me pictures of it. I said that was it, and jokingly asked if she could make it for me. She then suggested that next time I came she'd bring all the equipment and we could make it here.

Great, did you just take away the Tosung idea? Idiot.

On the same Naver page, there was a cartoon character. She pointed to it and said it looked like me.

She gave me a bottle of dark liquid to drink, which was like a tea. I asked her what it was and she said it's detox. She said on my way home I should be feeling the need to go to the toilet lol.

After that I got dressed in the lounge, and I later found her cleaning at the kitchen sink. She asked me what I was doing now and I said "next girl" and she got angry. This was about the second or third time I've done it and at all times she's seemed annoyed at this. I said I was joking and she said "ok, I don't care" in a pouting way. I wonder if her previous boyfriend cheated on her?

When I was fully dressed, she said I looked good, and I said she looked good too. She then said I looked good again, and adjusted my tie. I had deliberately loosened it to get a casual look, but she fixed it up. I don't know, but I remember reading a dating tip saying the girl is interested if she grooms you or adjusts your clothing...

As we were standing near the table, I did something which I may come to regret later. I took out my Samsung S4 Mini and asked for her number. She didn't hesitate at all in punching her numbers in. In fact, she even pressed 'dial' after doing so, so she would have my number. Maybe, just maybe, I will come to regret not giving her my HTC number instead.

But it also made me think about Erica. Did she give her number to the guy? Or did he give his number to her? That was my parting thought as I left the apartment.

I returned to the office to change and then headed home.

Do you believe everything happens for a reason?

Ok productivity today, it helped that investigators gave me work to do which I got onto straight away. I met up with Ele for lunch. I asked for tomorrow as I wanted to gym today but she wanted today. So I said to meet at the QVB statue, and I got there after she did. When I got there, I crossed half the road, yelled out to her and waved for her to come to my side.

She was taking her time making her way across the road, and I thought, damn if she doesn't hurry up, the lights are going to change. When she came over to my side I asked if she was sore from too much exercise, and she said she was pregnant. I thought she meant she was walking like a pregnant woman so I laughed, and then she repeated it: "I'm pregnant". I was pretty surprised, and then congratulated her. I couldn't believe it was so soon. As we made our way up to the restaurant, I thought about how this was another progression other people were making whilst my life remained the same (or maybe even going backwards).

So we talked about that, and I think she was still a bit sick as she went to the bathroom for a long time after we initially sat down. We talked about my attempt to buy her friend's car, and I told her I only wanted to re-sell it. I said her friend had a bit of an attitude after I said I wasn't interested due to the engine capacity, and she said her friend is not very well liked amongst her group.

I told her about my contract extension, and she asked what I would do. When I said I would stay because I wanted stable income over uncertainty, she seemed like she wasn't totally agreeable with me, but didn't say anything.

She also said that previously she had blamed Michael L for his divorce from Eva, but after speaking to Eva last time, she said Eva shared a bit of the blame as she seemed to cling to Michael L too much and abandoned her friends.

Our conversation was going pretty well, but the waiter decided we had sat there long enough without eating anything more, so packed our dishes and gave us the bill. We kept talking even after arriving at our parting point. I said it was interesting that my group seemed to stay constant, and she told me to enjoy being single as it allowed me to save money and travel, which I wouldn't be able to do later on. I guess she had a point.

She read the sign of a homeless person sitting on the street next to her and looked at me for guidance. I shook my head, saying I wouldn't give her any money but I'd give her food.

After that I went back to the office and felt pretty tired. In the late afternoon I went out to buy a can of V to stay awake, as I wasn't sure I could handle another lecture.

As I entered the Bar building, I saw the back of an Asian girl walking into the elevator and wondered if it was Victoria. I also spotted Jay walking behind, and figured it probably was. I jogged up to make the lift and went in. I said hi to both Jay and her. Jay was talking to some other guy. The lift doors were closing very slowly so I gave a weird look, then looked at Victoria who seemed to give an equally interesting look.

We ended up walking through the double doors together and talking. I asked how her study was going and she asked me, and I said it was hard working full time. She asked me where I worked, and I found out she worked at the Federal Court (knew that). She also said she was my age after I said I had had five jobs in seven years, and I said she looked young. We talked a bit more, with the guy in front of us interjecting from time to time.

We somehow got talking about my texbook, and she pointed at it, touching my hand. I thought it was incidental at first, but when we talked about my tabbing, she said I could also tab the bottom and top of the page, pointing to each, this time making more contact with my hand.

During the lecture we would sometimes share my copy of the questions and textbook, and even whispered stuff to each other at different times. As I sat there, I knew I had to get her number. I'd been in this situation way too many times, where I just end up being polite and parting ways with "seeya". Too many fucking times.

So when we finished, I carefully stood up and waited whilst she was talking to Jay. She finally finished her conversation and turned her attention to me. We started walking away from Jay who said goodbye to us.

Yes, goodbye...mwahahahaha.

I said we should swap numbers in case I ever needed to ask her about the Federal Court Rules, and she laughed. I wasn't going to ask her about the rules, but it was an in for me. I handed her my phone and she entered her number. I wondered if she was Korean, but that possibility seemed to end when I noticed she didn't remark about the Korean characters on my number pad.

She asked for my last name and I asked for hers. I asked her where that was from and she said Korea.

KOREA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I told her about my trip in December and showed her the photos. She looked at them with interest, and at the end said it felt like I had just taken her back there. Apparently she left Korea at 11 to go to the US to study.

We walked to the lifts together and Jay was there talking to another.

Damn, don't merge into a group, don't merge into a group...

Then Victoria said she had to go to the bathroom.

YES!!!

Jay and the other guy got into the lift. I wasn't even sure if I should wait for Victoria. Jay may have thought it was a bit weird of me to just stand there and not get in. Fuck it.

Then, as I waited, Karen came out with some other people.

Oh fuck...

We briefly talked about the lecture and she got into the lift. She, too, must've thought it was weird that I didn't get in.

After the lift doors closed, Victoria came out and apologised. We walked to the train station together and stood there talking for a while. She said she lived in Bondi, and I said that was close to me. She said she went to the uni near me, so I ended the conversation by saying she could text me if she wanted to study there on the weekend.

And with that, we parted, and I went to my office to change. As I was changing, I wondered if everything that had happened to me until now was for this very reason:

1. Seeing Korean prostitutes to learn Korean.
2. Meeting Jin, and going to Korea.

Was it all for this? Did it all lead to this?

Thought of going to the casino did enter my mind, but I changed and went to the gym.

Money as a drug...

Yesterday I was a bit more productive at work, probably because when I checked Jin's records again, it looked like she had spent the whole morning using the internet, probably texting. At first I thought it may have been to that guy, but then I told myself that I had seen entries like this before, which relaxed me.

At lunch I thought about going to the casino, but what I ended up doing instead was going to the bank to see if I could get a personal loan to buy a car from Ele's friend for the purposes of re-selling it. Surprisingly, the computer pre-approved me for a $46,000 secured loan, despite that fact that I was owing $19,000 on a personal loan and $8,000 on a credit card. Far out.

But it all turned out to be nothing because I realised the car wasn't actually a bargain at all. I got the engine capacity wrong, which meant she was selling it for appropriate market value; the other more expensive ones I had seen had a bigger engine.

After work I went to the Bar Ass Ethics tutorial. I didn't enjoy it too much because:

1. The tutor came a bit late
2. He was slow so we finished like half an hour over time
3. I was in a shit group, not only did I miss out on being in Vicky's group, but my group just seemed to have no sense of humour at all
4. All I could think of was gambling

When we were done, I rushed back to the office before the alarm set in, to put my book back.

I felt bad about it, but I withdrew $2,000 from the ATM and went to the casino. I found a table with a cheery skinny geeky looking guy. I didn't have enough time to place all 40 chips on my first spin, so only placed 20, which was good as I lost anyway.

I won the next spin, then the next one again, and now was up about $1,400. I sat out the next few spins. Then there was a dealer change. I seriously considered leaving but played a small hand on the next spin and won. I was up $1,720. I cashed out.

When Leonardo Dicaprio said in Wolf of Wall Street that money is like a drug, he was right. After I cashed it in, I felt like I was on top of the world, like all my worries were over, even though they weren't. I was glad that I didn't keep gambling, and that I managed to leave on a win, and almost doubled my initial bankroll.

As I walked off from the casino, I did the figures myself - if I apply this to my loan, that brings it down to about $18,300, and after my next pay cheque, it will be $17,300. I felt like I was approaching some sort of significant milestone. I think if I can get the loan to under $15,000, the mental worry will disappear.

I ended up going to the massage place nearby. I wanted to see Honey but she wasn't working. So I asked for a girl with good English and was suggested Bianca, so I booked her. I just wanted to talk.

When she came in, she had Honey's reaction of "have you seen me before?" I told her no, that I just asked for a girl with good English. Her English wasn't as good as Honey's, and she was a lot more distant than Honey. When I said I just wanted to talk, she seemed a bit uncomfortable, and for the rest of the hour sat a distance away from me on the same couch.

So I told her the story, and didn't get much feedback from her. She seemed naturally quiet, but did manage to express the view that places like this is not for looking for girlfriends. She said if she met any customers outside, it would only be for the purpose of trying to get them to come back for more visits.

Maybe it was a waste of $165, but I did feel a little bit better after letting the story out.

Playing with fire...

After last night' post I decided to go out for a drive. I actually felt like going to the sea side and crying. So I drove out there, and on the way, Lina replied to my messages. Suddenly my world wasn't as dark, but I still wanted to go have a cry.

I arrived and called Mens Line. I spoke to a man and told him the story. At times I felt like crying, but nothing came out. He seemed to be interested in knowing where the money went. All I can think of is it either went to pay off her debt or it went to her own account in Korea.

After that I left, but on the way out I saw a public phone. This was a good, quiet location. I got out, and called that overseas number belonging to who I thought was the loan shark. I called, he answered in Korean, and I did my best impersonation of the Batman growl - interrogating in a deep, raw voice. He repeated his greeting and I repeated my growl, muttering "fuck you" before hanging up.

I then drove off, but decided maybe I should check out that Rockdale shop that I think Jin works at. I parked outside and saw there was no backdoor as it was above ground, so if she ever wanted to come out for a smoke it'd have to be out the front entrance.

I called the shop and asked how many Korean girls were working, and was told just one - Sha Sha. I looked her up and her description did not match Jin's, so I went to check it out. I waited half an hour in the shop, and pictured Jin working her.

When I saw Sha Sha, she was a bit of a chubby girl, not very attractive, but I thought I'd go ahead and see what I could dig out. After sex, I asked her about the shop. She said:

- many of the Korean girls don't like to work here because the boss is Chinese who prefers Chinese girls
- the Korean girls always asked to borrow money from her
- she did not know of a Bella
- she knew of the shop at Marrickville
- she was going to Melbourne the next day for four days
- her nails cost $250 and hair costs $300 to do
- she said you should not fall in love in shops
- she did not know of any girls with a debt

When she asked about me, I told her my name was Tony, 28 and a stock broker.

After that I left. I thought about going to Marrickville as I saw on the net that there was a "Bella" working there, but it was midnight already and I needed to get home.

Funny thing from Jin's phone records, seems like whole of yesterday she was just browsing the internet, with no calls or SMS messages. But then again, they were only limited for a certain few hours.

Two three second calls...

I told myself I wouldn't, but I have. I told myself that after submitting the second report on her, that I would not log into her mobile phone account ever again, as I had no need to. But then there was Chinese New Year, and I was hoping she'd call her mother. But nope. Maybe her mother called her. Or maybe she doesn't care about her mother.

But since then, it has become a bit of a bad habit. It's a bit like The Truman Show, only I don't know the contents of any calls or messages. I only see what outgoing calls and messages she's making.

I did find one interesting call - an overseas number to Korea. When I called it, it was a man. Didn't sound old enough to be her brother, so I suspect it may be the guy who lends her money ie. trafficks her.

Another number I found. Some non-Korean guy she called at 2am twice in short spurts, for only 2-3 seconds. I figured she was clubbing last night, and some guy picked her up. This set me off.

Although I told myself to stay calm and think rationally, it made me mad as I walked to work. I even ran a part of it. But you know what I realised? I was so mad, yet I couldn't push myself to run the entire journey. I have lost my fire. That fire I had when I was younger that propelled me to excel in basketball, that pushed me to study, that made me want to be the best in the world. Maybe I am burned out?

One of my first thoughts was to anonymously message the guy and tell him she was a prostitute. But I kept telling myself: the number one rule of surveillance is not to interfere with the subjects.

Anyway, I started reasoning with myself. Maybe she wasn't interested in him? If she was, she would've given her number to him, like she did to me, instead of him having to give his number to her. I pictured the scene of him punching the numbers into her phone. Or did she enter them? Did she ask for them? Or was he just a pushy guy? What kinda guy goes clubbing at 2am on Monday night? A criminal, or a student.

I thought I could handle myself at work but I couldn't. Maybe it's time to face and accept that. I thought about it all day. It even made me gamble. At lunch, I withdrew $2,000 from the bank and went to the casino.

I didn't feel good about it the moment I started laying chips on the table. I thought about Jin and everyone else was right: I was a loser. I'm a gambler, and therefore I'm a loser. She made the right decision to leave me.

The ball had landed in the 0 sector the last three spins, so I bet on the inverse - $400 per spin. I lost the next two spins, and even the third. I had take out the remaining $800 in my wallet. I nearly lost it all when on the brink I won about $1000 back. I got very lucky as I seemed to slowly stay in the game and make my way back. Finally, on one spin, it landed on 26, where I had three chips and two splits - $1,390. I had now profited $440, which was enough to see Lina on Friday and buy some food.

But to be honest, if it wasn't for the fact that I was running late to return to the office, I probably would've kept gambling. I left, and rushed to the bank to deposit the money and then went back to the office.

After the lecture, I went back to the office and called Lifeline. I was depressed and needed to talk to someone. But I didn't get the relief I was seeking as the lady seemed to cut me off whenever I tried to explain.

As I headed home on the bus, I was eager to see Jin's phone records to see if she had contacted the guy. I started going wild. I pictured them going out, having sex.

Nah, she won't have sex with him so early on. She is quite conservative.

Well let him have her, she costs a lot of money. 

Let him see how selfish she is.

But if she really likes him, maybe she won't be selfish?

Let him marry her, have babies, see how happy they are then.

I was disappointed when I came home to see her records filled up with internet usage entries.

In my dark moment of desperation, I also messaged Lina, and now waiting for a reply...

"Rubbish friends..."

This morning I walked to work peacefully. I planned to leave at like 7am, so I could get some study done, but poor habits made me leave at 7:30am, which was considered early for me. It's such a peaceful walk, even though it's along the main road.

Work was ok. I was fairly productive, and managed to get a bit of study done too. During lunch I went to the gym, just did the bike, some curls and abs. Then went back to the office to eat my home made sandwich. Save so much money making lunch at home.

Had to leave work just a bit earlier than usual, as my lecture today was at 5pm. I wanted to sit with Albert's group, where Vicky was, but it was full so took a seat with Karen. The lecturer spoke so fast, and looked like he wanted to get out of there as soon as possible. Guess that's what happens when you don't get paid.

Towards the end of the lecture I had lost concentration and was just thinking about Jin. I wanted to burst out in tears but couldn't.

After that I went back to the office to change, and caught the bus home.

I knew I shouldn't have, but I checked Erica's Kakaotalk status and translated it. It said something like "rubbish friends, be gone forever". I wondered what that was about. It made me feel sorry for her, to think she could discard her friends just like that. She seems like a lost soul, being all by herself. Maybe even in Korea she was like that. I wonder why her mother doesn't care.

It also made me think - I feel sorry for her because I know about her. But what if I didn't know about her? She'd still exist, and her problems would still exist, but I just wouldn't know about it. How many others are like that out there? Can I save them all? No. It's a sad world we live in...

Lena

So today I decided to be a good boy and headed to the library on time. As I walked in (the lights hadn't even been turned on yet) I wondered if I should message Albert asking if he wanted a room. I also wondered how long it'd take him to get here. Then as I was walking up the stairs, I saw him lol.

We got a room but were soon kicked out, so then we moved to a cubicle. There are two things which annoy me about him: 1) he immediately starts off working, no chit chat, nothing, like, he doesn't even wait until I'm ready and have all my stuff out; and 2) he has to read out aloud every single word of his answer. For me, it's sufficient if you tell me which provision is applicable and then we can both write in silence. But he has to read out every single damn word. And the thing is, he's just memorising the answer and regurgitating the legislation. He doesn't actually show an understanding of it all.

He's lucky we went through the questions he had gone through with Peter because I had found some mistakes. Seems like they look at the key words in the question and then just throw everything they think is relevant into it.

We were fairly productive at first, going through the short questions until about 12:30pm. We then decided to get some lunch as he was hungry. We had Malaysian food, and I told him about my contract extension. Turns out he has a PS3 and plays that a lot as well, although his game of choice is COD, whereas mine is GTA.

After that we went back to the library and did a few more questions until I said I had had enough. I wanted to quit for three reasons: 1) I was suddenly sleepy after eating (as was he); 2) we were going through 2003 questions which I found were rather out dated; and 3) all I could think of was Jin. I actually felt like crying all through the study session, which made it even harder. I was surprised I even made it until 12:30pm.

So I walked home and washed my car. Hadn't washed it in ages so it was well deserved. Funny thing is, Dessi came over to talk to me about how her mother's new car was hit by someone who drove away, and then a bit later there was a car accident right across the road lol. Damn.

Anyway, after that I got the itch again and went out for a punt. I realised this would make it the third day in a row. What made me feel guilty about this one was that my mom told me my dad had a fight with the chef at his work. Apparently the chef said something like "if your son was so good, he'd have his own property by now and wouldn't be living with you". Oh god...

I told myself this would be the last one, and headed out. Was a bit annoyed as the Wechat person told me to wait at Liverpool St, which I did, and then they told me to go to Sussex Street. When I got there, a Korean girl opened the door. I told her I had gone to Liverpool Street, and she didn't understand what I was saying, so I showed her the messages and she said that's not her, it was her boss. She said sometimes her boss gets so many messages she gets confused.

By now I had mentioned a few Korean words and she asked if I was Korean, and when I said no, she guessed I was Chinese. I stripped and showered, only to see her moments later naked, standing in front of the mirror brushing her teeth. When I finished she handed me my towel and we spoke a bit as she kept brushing her teeth. She had a really nice body which looked natural, and then we went to the bedroom.

She asked how old I was and asked her to guess, and she said 26 and 30 at first, then 40 lol. I told her I was 31 and asked how old she was, she asked me to guess and I think I guessed 24 which was right.

I laid down, and she slid the door closed, and I was like, why? Since there's no one else around. So she opened it again and I was like, nah I like it closed and she played around with it a bit before closing it. She got on top of me and asked me why my Korean was so good and asked if my ex-girlfriend was Korean. I said yes, and she re-emphasised that it was my ex. She asked why we broke up, and I said money.

She got interested and got off me and laid down next to me. I told her how she had asked for $90,000, then $50,000, and how I said I'd give $40,000 and ended up giving $25,000. She said I was stupid and I said I was "babo". I said she told me her mother had cancer and she said something about Korean girls being poor and making up lies like that. I told her I asked for it back and threatened to go to the police only to have her threaten me with rape.

She seemed really interested in the story and when her stomach grumbled, I teased her about being hungry but she wanted to re-focus on the story. She said the girl was "rubbish" lol.

We moved on from that topic, when her stomach grumbled again and I again mentioned it, she said she was hungry. She said she finished work at 7am, something about doing and undoing her make up, and eating and sleeping. I asked her what the name of the shop was and she said she didn't know.

She started telling me about how she has to do in calls and out calls, and how one time she did an out call where a guy had a knife and tried to have sex without paying, but luckily she got out of it (without having sex). I told her to change jobs and she said many guys tell her that. She told me about this Korean movie which had a similar story and I tried to get her number by asking her to send me the name, so we ended up swapping Kakotalk accounts.

I showed her my photos from Korea and told her I went for a holiday last month. She seemed really interested and said she was going back in August. She said she was going for plastic surgery, and I did the usual thing of trying to dissuade her but I think she's pretty intent on it.

She said she was tired so I told her to sleep, and she asked "you don't want to come?" and I said it was ok. So we continued talking, I asked her how much she gets if I pay $250, and she said she gets $120. She said other places can offer more, but they have less customers, whereas here she gets about seven a day.

I asked her about a boyfriend and she said she had a Vietnamese boyfriend. She said something about either her asking for money or him asking for money. I asked why they broke up and she said something about her having to work and not having enough time for him and so he ended up partying a lot, but she said they are still friends. She said they broke up around October.

I found her to be quite pretty, and felt we clicked pretty well. Not sure if she felt the same or if it was all part of her service, or just a way to get by without having the sex. She kissed me on the cheek.

I joked that I'd bring food next time as her stomach kept grumbling and she seemed very eager for that idea. She told me she liked this Korean restaurant opposite Delifrance. She asked when I'd come next time and I said Friday. I asked if I booked whether we could go out to eat and she said we could eat in here.

Later she got a message from her boss asking if she was finished, and I said tell her no, and she laughed lol. So we got dressed and I left.

Psychologist / Angie

After getting three hours sleep, I headed out to the basketball courts for what I look forward to most during the week. When I got there they were playing two on two, and a guy came at the same time so we made it three on three. Later on it was four on four, and then it became full court.

I was feeling alright at first, but after a while I started feeling a bit dizzy. Bo was there and we said hello. My team lost the first game but then we won the rest before losing the last, but by then we were pretty tired anyway. I left at about noon and then headed home. Although my plan had been to study, I was in no frame of mind to do so, for two reasons: 1) the Jin messages, and 2) the fact that I only got three hours sleep.

I tried to get some sleep but ended up laying in my bed looking for psychologists on my phone. I left a message with some and then fell asleep before Scott, the one I had seen before, called me back, and arranged a 3pm appointment.

So I later headed out there and saw him. He recognised me and remembered me. He said it must've been about six months since we met, and I said I thought it was only about two months.

We started the session with me saying I felt like our last meeting had been a bit mis-directed, and told him I wanted to see him today about something that had happened. I said I wanted to know why I do what I do, and how to fix myself.

So I told him everything. He is a very good listener, which I like about him. After I finished, he talked about the following:
- sometimes we see people as how we want to see them, rather than who they really are
- it sounded like Jin had an agenda for being with me
- the top part of our brain is used for logical thinking, and the bottom part is what controls our emotions
- we can let the top part drive the bus and allow the bottom part be a passenger, but the bus can crash if we allow the other way around
- he said it was useful that if every time I felt the bottom part was taking control, to just try to consciously realise that and put the top part back in the driver's seat
- he took me through the stages of grief, being denial, anger, bargaining, sadness and acceptance
- he said you could bounce back and forth between them and slowly progress through
- he said it sounded like I've had a lot going on in the last 12 months or so
- he said it sounded like I was more hurt about losing her than the money

He also mentioned something about buddhism, and I thought about saying something about how I had contemplated seeing a monk, but didn't.

He suggested that I write a letter to Jin, putting down everything I wanted to say to her. I said "and then don't send it?" and he said no, but after writing everything down, I would not want to send it anyway. It was a way for me to get everything out of my head and down into writing.

I was listening very intently to what he was saying, and he said a lot of good things, I just wish I had a pen and notepad to jot things down. This time, although he mentioned that things couldn't be fixed in one session, he didn't push for me to make an appointment or commit to any sort of plan.

And with that, I left...

...to go punting.

I booked a girl called Angie at Bluemoon. It was like 4:45pm and they told me she could be ready at 6pm, but the thing is, she had to be booked for two hours. I knew that beforehand as I had checked the website.

Now, you might be asking why on earth I'd do this right after seeing a psychologist. Keep in mind that I had only gotten three hours sleep. I wasn't thinking straight. In fact, I felt like I had been on drugs. I might as well have been on drugs. That is how I was feeling.

Since I had time, I went to eat at KFC, then went to Myer to buy a pair of underwear as the pair I was wearing wasn't very...presentable. I ended up buying a tie as well. I went to the shopping centre toilet to change before heading back down.

Like when I saw Xing, I got the same instructions as last time to go to the same apartment. This girl was a lot better looking. Because we had two hours, I felt no need to rush, so we talked a bit, then she asked me to shower. As I showered, she joined me, and we talked a bit before she went down on me.

We finished the shower and moved out to the lounge, where she went down on me again. I actually wasn't feel any pleasure at all. All I could think of was, I've always wanted to have sex with a young girl in a nice apartment like this, and now that it was happening, it wasn't so great, was it?

We moved to the bedroom for sex, where it was embarassing as my legs had cramped up twice. She made good effort to not let me feel embarassed, massaging my legs each time. Sex took a long time, even after that. I had a hard time finishing. Finally finished by COT, which was a first for me. Not as great as in the pornos.

We sat down in the lounge to talk after that, and seemed to get along fairly well. All along I asked myself whether she'd go out with me outside of work, and got the answer when she asked if I wanted to extend. And so, after that I left and went to pick up Shuing for dinner.

On the drive to Chinksford, we talked about G heading overseas earlier that morning. He said he had met G for lunch the day before.

We chose that restaurant with the really nice customer service previously, but this time it was different. We talked about several things, including boat people, his work, and my trip to Korea. He finally put the question to me which I suspect he'd been wondering all along - why did I go to Korea? I said to him if I had gone to Japan, they'd be speculating as to why I went to Japan, if I went to Thailand, they'd be speculating as to why I went to Thailand. He accepted that reasoning.

He paid for the dinner, saying he had won at electronic roulette at Ashfield Leagues club. He also said his friend James blew $10,000 there. Far out. We went for a drink at Chatime which was my shout, but he wanted the upgrade to large and paid for that. We went back to my car as the shop was closing, then drove to my house so I could give him my sample shirt to try. Then I drove him home.