The call

My dad called me several times today and left a message, saying someone from the hospital had called.

I called the hospital, and it was a lady who sounded either excited or rushed. She said the doctor had found a date for my surgery - 1 September.

It was all too quick. I was stunned. I didn't know what to say. So you know what you do when you don't know what to do in court? Ask for an adjournment. I said I'd call her back tomorrow.

I stood in my office, leaning against the cupboards and staring out the window and into the horizon. I didn't know what to think. I didn't know what to do. It was something I had planned all along, but I couldn't believe it was going to finally happen. Maybe a part of me had hoped it would never happen.

I ended up going to tell Alanna, since I would need a few days off. I saw her swallow hard. I wonder if my tone was too emotional for her.

I had to tell my family tonight at dinner after gym. I told my dad and sister first. They were ok, they focussed on what needed to be done. When my mom found out, I got the expected "I told you not to kick ball". What good does that actually achieve?

The basic advice I got from my dad and sister were to accept it, instead of waiting a year so that I can choose my own surgeon with private health insurance.

Nabi message + new suit!

Waking up to the sound of my alarm, I knew it was my birthday. It was a good feeling. It almost made me want to get out of my warm bed and into the freezing cold. But no donut. I slept some more and woke up with just enough time for a shower.

I grabbed some Macca's in the city and ate it as I walked to the office. Throughout the first half of the day I slowly worked through a brief, with the back of my mind thinking about later tonight. I was going to do it. I was going to walk into a fucking brothel with a cake. It wasn't against the rules, but I'd look silly, but I didn't care. It was all going to work. I was looking forward to it. I was in the mood to do it.

At lunchtime I decided to go try on that suit at DJ's. I should've tried it on last night, but oh well. So I went for a walk to DJ's and tried on the suit. I was approached by a seemingly gay Asian guy who worked there asking me how it felt. I asked if there was a smaller one. He asked me to button it up, so I did. He analysed me and said that that was right, I didn't need a smaller one. He said I had a "deep chest" (whatever that meant) so that if it was any smaller the 'v' bit would stick out too much.

I went to have a look in the mirror and it was pretty much exactly the same as the one in Market City. Only $150 cheaper. I loved it. Sure, the lights weren't as bright in here, but that only made it more real. I placed it back onto the rack and left.

I went to get the cake and thought about the suit. On my way out I had asked a store person how long the sale would be on for, and he said about two more weeks. At first I thought I'd just get it before the two weeks was up, but the more I thought about it, the more afraid I got about someone else buying it. After all, the rack wasn't exactly full, and there were only two in my size. I would really be regretting it if I didn't get it now at a $150 discount.

Anyway, I bought a chocolate mousse cake in Chinatown and then settled it back into the office fridge. Emma caught me and asked if it was one of their puffy cakes. I managed to steer the conversation away. I find that she is pretty friendly, but for some reason I just find it awkward talking to her. Maybe it's because she's attractive? But then Alanna is attractive. Wait, I find it a bit awkward to talk to her too if it's not about work.

I had my soup and bread for lunch as per normal, and then slowly finished off my brief. On the way back from my walk at DJ's, I had a phone conversation with the guy at the dealership. My dad had taken the car there for them to see if they would fix the damage. I got into an argument with the guy because he was telling me about how the damage could have been done, so that meant it wasn't them. I said I didn't care how it was done, I just know it happened when they had it.

We ended up hanging up on eachother. I was soooo angry, it was all I could think about for the rest of the afternoon as I finished off the brief. I did an angry brief. My mind wasn't completely there, yet my work was flowing smoothly, if that makes sense.

I was continuously angry until one moment when I returned to my desk. I checked my phone and saw a message. At first I thought it came from the Ele/Linda camp. But then I read the rest of it:

How a u? I'm naby. Happy birthday to you!! I'm day off today sorry.

Oh my god she messaged me! She messaged me!

Not only did that cheer me up, but it put a smile on my face for the rest of the day (even until now). I thought that was really thoughtful of her to say she wasn't working. Sure, she could've said nothing and let me found out from the shop. And I'm sure some people might interpret this as a "blow off", but hey, she feels safe enough to give me her number, so that's something. I also wondered if there was somewhere in that message that was hoping I'd ask her out. But I doubt it.

I left work at about 5pm, having gotten a credit limit increase on my credit card and decided to get the damn suit before someone else did. I went to DJ's, put on the suit and pants in the fitting room and came out buying it. Fuck it. It's my birthday, only Malay and some girl on the internet (Vanilla) remembered, I deserve a present. Besides, not seeing Nabi tonight meant I saved some money. I guess that also answered the question about whether I should see her on Saturday or not.

I had also replied to Nabi with the following:

Chinchaa? I bought a cake for you too, but doesn't matter, I will see you on Saturday :p

I thought I'd wait a bit so I appeared somewhat busy. I didn't get a reply back, but I wasn't really expecting one anyway.

I went back to the office to get the cake from the fridge and then went home. The thought of going to the casino did occur to me, but I thought it would be a perfect day if I could just go home and have dinner with the family, especially after what dad went through last night, having put on some hair dye which made him allergic and he went to the hospital, walking home at midnight.

That's all I wanted. Despite the fucked up call from Holden, I thought I had a pretty good day. I got a message from Nabi, I got a new suit, and I was going to have dinner with the family. No gambling.

Too bad my dad was at work so only had dinner with my mom and sister, but it was still a good day :)

The Nabi plan

Well, on Saturday Malay had tried to organise something for my birthday I assume, but by the time he replied to my message he said he had just woken up (it was about 6pm) and so he said he would try to organise something for Sunday, but then G had to go out with his girlfriend on Sunday.

A small part of me was mad at him being such a close friend and doing such a shoddy job of organising something for my birthday, and also at G for going with his girl rather than me on my birthday, but for the large part, I just appreciated the attempt.

On Sunday I really had nothing to do, so I went into work between 11am and 2pm. I didn't get to finish the file, but I did get to read the important bits, which was enough of a headstart I guess. After that I went home and then went to the gym.

My knee's been a bit wobbly, maybe from the tweaking on Saturday. There seems to be some pain in the back of the knee when I walk up stairs at times. Damn this thing is getting scary.

I also rented Red Cliff and watched it last night. Pretty good movie, the first bit nearly made me cry when the guy saved the baby. I wonder why there aren't loyal people like that nowadays. Greed? I wish I was loyal like that. I wonder if I am? I know I tried to be for Nom, but I stopped when I realised it wasn't reciprocated.

One thing the movie reminded me of was how women could be a great weakness for men. If Cao Cao hadn't of fallen for that girl, things would've been very different. I mean, history would have been written very differently. It makes me want to strive to be a strong minded person, unaffected by women. I would hate to have women as a weakness. Woman, meaning my wife, maybe. But not women.

This morning, on the bus to work, I was standing and felt my phone vibrate. I was holding an orange in one hand and the railing in the other, so I couldn't check what the message was. But I wondered...could it be Nabi?

When a seat became available, I sat down and checked. It was from Egghead, he said to look at the back of the bus. I turned around eagerly and found him. He started heading towards me and I stood up. We shook hands and he said not to get up because he was getting up soon. The first thing he said was how I had gotten old and lost hair. At the time I just took it as a joke, but I wondered if a part of him still resents me. I mean, it's not a very pleasant thing to say when you first see someone after a very long time of not seeing them.

At work, an email was sent by Wendy I think saying that Karina would not be at work for the rest of the week. Geez, her sickness must be serious. I didn't think it was that bad. I was expecting her to be there today and listen to my funny voice mail message. I was also hoping we could have lunch tomorrow, my birthday.

It was pretty dull at work today I must admit. I got like, one thing done, which was to draft a letter. But that was mainly because Alanna had decided not to ask Darrell to give me anymore briefs for the rest of the month. She had come in wanting to take a brief to do herself, and when she saw how many I had ready to go (thus ready for her to mark), she must've thought twice. It's ok I guess, I don't want to put too much pressure on her anyway. The fact that she isn't getting her own numbers makes me wonder if I'm taking up too much of her time.

I had lunch in the office and then went out for a walk. For the last few days I have gone checking for cakes, hehe. I want one small enough for two people. I've found one or two that could do the job, but it's still a bit too big.

My plan with Nabi have taken a slightly different course, since Korea ended up being beaten by Uruguay. Since I said I would turn up only if Korea won, I think I will see her at midnight, which will technically be Wednesday, so I still hold my word, and I get to see her :)

I plan to get a cake, two paper plates, plastic cutlery and some serviettes. When we get into the room, I will ask her to close her eyes and sit down. I will put my jacket around her to keep her warm. I will ask her to hold her hair up, and then I will go behind her and put on the necklace. We will eat the cake and talk, and she can keep whatever cake is left. I want to hold her from behind as we sit on the bed and talk. I also want, if she will allow me, to take a photo of us.

That will probably be the last time I see her. I will try not to cry. I remember as we held eachother on Saturday, I could feel myself almost starting to cry. I didn't.

Damn I sound like a wuss. Over and out.

Giving Nabi my card

On Thursday after work I decided to do a bit of window shopping at Market City. I found myself wandering around looking for a waistcoat to match my suits. I went into this place that sold formal wear because they had a mannequin wearing a wasitcoat that looked like it would be a good match for my grey suit. The store owner started talking to me, showing me the waistcoat and then some fabrics of differing colours and patterns because it could also be custom made.

He then showed me a suit. He grabbed it off the rack and held it out for me to wear. I put it on. It was unbelievable. It was a pure black suit, and it fit me amazingly! It made me look so slim and fit, it had the perfect curves. It was the PERFECT look I was trying to go for with my other black suits, but obviously because they're cheap I don't think I've achieved what I wanted. But this look in the mirror, this right here, was my idea all along. And this guy had tapped into it, most probably by accident.

He spent the next ten minutes talking to me about his shop, and I couldn't take my eyes off that suit. I was in love with it. The only thing that stopped me from buying it was that it cost $500.

I walked out feeling funny that I had gone in wanting a waistcoat, and come out having fallen in love with a suit.

It really wasn't until I wore that suit that I realised how bad and probably stupid I looked in my black suits. Here I was thinking that because they had been altered, they were cool. But they weren't - anyone could tell it was cheapo material from far away.

And I had also been thinking about wearing it to see Nabi on my birthday. I found myself saying in my head:

Don't you dare wear that to see Nabi. Put on your grey one.

Friday at work was kinda quiet. I didn't see Alanna much, figured I had bugged her for most of the month, and now that my work was complete I'd leave her alone for a bit. But on Thursday she came into my room and said "it feels like I haven't been in here for such a long time".

Karina hasn;t been at work for three days now I think. I used my voice changer on Friday to leave a message on her phone, hehe. I felt so dodgy doing it, because if anyone walked across and saw me they'd be thinking "what the hell?" After I did it I checked several times that it was her number, because she didn't have her own personal voice mail message, as I didn't want to be leaving a message like that on someone else's phone.

Also on Friday, I went out for a walk during lunch, and on my return, whilst in the lifts with two hot girls, one of them started talking about how tired she felt and how she "wished the lift would get stuck". That made me a little uncomfortable, yet I found it funny at the same time. And then she mentioned something about wanting a bed in here, and I couldn't wait to get out. I felt like bursting out laughing, mainly because it was embarassing and also funny. I think they could tell there was something up with me because I had turned away from them to face the doors and I had this dumb smirk on my face trying to hold in the laughter.

After work, I went home and went back out, feeling like a movie. It had been my plan the entire day, but I was starting to feel a little unwell. Lately I've found that I've been going to the toilet a lot. Not problematic in anyway, but it's just more frequent than usual. So as I was heading out to the cinemas, I felt that I needed to go again, and I didn't want to do a number two in public toilets, so I told myself if I didn't feel like it by the time I got to the cinema I could just turn around.

I wasn't completely fine by the time I got there, but I ended up buying a ticket to Grown Ups anyway. Bloody hell, the ticket plus a small popcorn and coke cost $31!!!

The movie was pretty good, lots of laughs, but I was a bit disappointed in that I thought it would have a good moral lesson in it. It started off well, with the coach saying that they played well, leaving nothing on the floor, and that was how they were supposed to live life. I thought that would be the theme for the movie but they didn't really dwell on that much.

Just before the movie started, I looked around the large screen and appreciated the moment of peacefulness I felt. It was good to get away from everyone and everything and be by myself. But I also wondered why I felt peaceful and "by myself" when there were complete strangers sitting in the cinema with me?

After the movie I went for a drive to the beachside, and thought about following a group of cars that were heading down another road. I changed my mind and followed them, but by then I had lost them. Dang.

Today, I went to the gym in the morning. About two days ago my right shoulder blade started hurting with that 'usual' pain, so I didn't do weights. I've just been doing abs while waiting for that pain to go away.

After that I went home, and then headed out to the courts. Watching the basketball action in Grown Ups made me want to shoot around. I put on my knee brace and headed up, praying it wouldn't rain, and that if I got at least one shot off then it would all be worth it.

Luckily, the rain held off. I got the other side of my usual court and started doing close shots. I was a little surprised that my shot hadn't gone off or anything. Everything was still there. I progressively started moving further out, but when I playfully did a spin move on my right leg, I felt some pain in my knee bone, which basically said "don't do that again". Later on, when I bent that knee down a bit to pick up the ball, the pain was there again.

It was definitely too early to start any sort of come-back, I knew that much. I entertained myself by telling myself to make five bank shots in a row from each side, which was pretty fun. As I shot around, I found myself re-appreciating the moment. I told myself that no matter what, no matter how addicted I become to gambling or punting, that this will always be my home.

I could jog a little bit to retrieve the ball, but other than that I tried to limit my running. I found myself with a surprising will to jump, but didn't try to do too much just to be cautious.

I left after hitting my five banks from each side. I walked home feeling that maybe my walking was a little bit off because of the knee. I also realised that the bit that I felt hurt was probably the bit that I felt popped out during my second injury.

I bummed around a bit at home before making the call. After our last encounter, I realised I hadn't asked Nabi when her last day was, so there should've been some uncertainty as to whether she was even working today. But for some reason I was just pretty sure she would be, so that when I called, it was "can I book for..." instead of "is Nabi working today?"

I made the usual 3pm booking and then got changed and left. Leaving about 40 minutes prior is pretty good timing. It was a bit hard to find parking, which was unusual. During the drive, I actually didn't feel like seeing Nabi. Maybe I had gotten bored of her? Or maybe I just wasn't in the mood? Maybe the basketball earlier had brought me back down to what really matters in life: the simple things.

I went in and was greeted by the guy with a smile. He seems like a nice guy now that he knows I'm a regular. He seems kinda standoff-ish if he don't know you. Still, I wasn't inclined to make conversation with him. I paid the other guy (the one who always seems to be given the job of doing the laundry) and went to the bathroom before waiting in the room furthest back.

I didn't have to wait for long before being called. Nabi stood in her usual spot, greeting me with a smile. Today was probably the first time that I thought she was good looking upon seeing her at this stage of the process. She held my hand as we walked up the stairs. I said she was very warm (it was cold outside).

We went into the room. I had this whole plan to hug her and lift her up a bit. I had also planned to lift her up once we started kissing. That all went out the door. Instead, it was the usual with me asking her how she was as I started undoing my shoes.

She noted how I had shaved. I asked her if she liked it and she said yes. I said she actually likes it when I don't, she asked why and I couldn't really provide an answer (d'oh!).

We pecked eachother on the lips before showering. I asked her if she thought I would come today and she said she didn't know. We made general chit chat during the rest of the shower, as well as pecking eachother on the lips.

Like last time, I helped dry her off when finished. She leaned over and I didn't know what she was doing at first, but she wanted to kiss my forehead. I leaned in to allow her to do so, and then said she was tall (she's about an inch taller than me). She then stooped low a bit so that she became shorter than me.

She went to the small table to prepare something as I rubbed her back. When she finished she turned around and we started kissing more passionately, but I noticed that her hips were away from mine (she was leaning in to kiss). This was the moment to lift her up, but she started moving back towards the bed, and since it was a small room, I didn't have much of a choice.

I got on top of her as we continued kissing. We kissed for a while, and I tried to change things up a little as I sucked lightly on her bottom and top lips, alternating. I made my way down and went down on her. I wasn't sure if she would let me at first. She sometimes grabs my hands and I thought it was a sign to pull me up, but I tink she does that because of the feeling. I think I made her feel pretty good, as I felt her legs squeezing my head each time I sucked on a particular spot. Couldn't fake that I suppose.

There was a wall at the end of the bed so I didn't have much room to maneuver, and it was a bit awkward the way I was, all squeezed up between her and the wall, so I couldn't do that for much longer, having to move back up.

The love making that followed was pretty passionate. I could feel her holding me tightly and almost digging her nails into me. The harder she held me, the better it felt. The closer I felt. It was that closeness, that was what I was really after.

After a while she got on top and then we finished that way. She stayed on top like before and made faces at me. The thing I like about us is that we have this 'noise' thing going. I can't really explain it, but she might make a playful noise, and I'd follow with a similar playful noise. It's kinda like two animals communicating with eachother.

After a few moments she said she wanted to sleep and dropped on top of me. I held her and said I would never let go. She said "never?" and I said "never". We stayed like that for a while before she got up. She laid down next to me and we held eachother for a while before she got out a cigarette. I told her about how I had tried to smoke when I was 15 but the coughing put me off. She laughed a bit and I asked when did she start. She said about four years ago. I said "so you started when you were 17?" which made her laugh and say no. I said "32?" and she said something in Korean. I asked her what that meant and she said I was crazy. I noticed how she never ended up telling me her age. I reckon she's between 27-29.

After she finished her cigarette, she opened the can of drink she had with her and took a sip. She asked if I wanted a sip, and I said yes only because she had taken a sip. We held eachother again briefly before I remembered about giving her my number. I asked her if she could get me my wallet and she did. I pulled out my business card which I had written my mobile and email on and gave it to her. I said she could call or message me when she came back, or if she wanted to go for coffee since I worked in the city. She laid on her tummy, holding the card with both hands and looked at it. She pointed at the number I had written and asked "is that your mobile?" and I said yes.

I think she put it away in her purse, because I remember looking for it later but didn't see it. I later got my phone and showed her some pictures of my cat and office. I showed her the photo looking out my office window and asked if she knew where that was. She didn't. I started mentioning places and the only one she knew as a reference point was Chinatown. She took the phone from me and tried to change photos and then put it down.

We held eachother again, with her making an unsatisfied noise and then when I put my leg on top of hers so that we were both entangled, she made a satisfied "that's it" noise.

We laid like that for a bit, before I remembered the dates thing and grabbed my phone again. I pulled up the calendar and asked her when her last day was. She pointed to next Saturday, and then pointed to each day thereafter and said "day off" for each. When she got to July 7, I said "disappear?" and she didn't say anything. Maybe she didn't know what I had said.

She then said that she might come back in a month, but that she didn't know. I don't know why, but when last time she said she migth come back, I took that to mean in about a year or something. I pointed to Tuesday and said "I'll come see you then" and she made a whinging noise. I said "what?" and she said "my day off". And I said "Tuesday?" and she looked again and said she was working and seemed happy. I said it was my birthday, and she made a soft acknowledgment noise. I'm not sure if she actually remembered or if she had forgotten. She asked me what time would I finish work and I said five. I said I'd see her around 7-8. She asked if I had a party and I said no. She asked why and I said I didn't know (d'oh!).

We ended up talking a bit about the soccer. She had said during the shower that she wanted to watch tonight's game with Korea but had to work. I had said during the shower that she didn't need to work that hard. She asked me what time I woke up and I said 7. She asked me why and I said gym. She said "that long?" and I said yes (because she asked earlier what I had gotten up to and I said gym). I flexed my muscles which made her laugh and grab at them but I had stopped flexing before she could reach it.

I asked her what time she woke up and she said 11:30. I figured that she would've gone to sleep around 6, but she said 7:30. I said that wasn't enough and she agreed. She said it was because of work last night. She said she sometimes catches up on sleep at work when there are no customers. She said even the boss suggests her to get some rest. Next, I think she said her boss allows her not to be in the lineup so she can get some sleep, but I'm not sure if I heard correctly.

She then told me about how it was funny once how Korea played at 4:30am, and how the girls finished at 3:30am so they all went to a Korean bar together to watch the game, and they were all wearing red t-shirts. I wondered whether any guys would've hit on her, but then I wondered how many guys there would've been at 4:30am, and more importantly, how many would've had the guts to approach of attractive girls.

She also said she could drink a whole bottle of soju, and made an approximate size of the bottle with her hands. I said she can teach me, and she asked if I had never had it before and I said never. She said she and her friends share it, but she can finish a bottle by herself.

When I had the dates out, I had thought/fantasised about saying "I was going to ask you out to dinner on Monday, but I think you'll say no so I'll come see you on Tuesday", but when it came to the crunch, I realised it was a stupid and corny thing to say. Besides, earlier when I was sitting on the bed, I realised that maybe there wasn't much we could talk about without sex.

During the session I also noticed how she was wearing a necklace. Sometimes she wears one, sometimes she doesn't. But my point is, the one I'm going to give her is a lot shitter than that. I wonder if she'll throw it away.

We held eachother some more, and I asked her if I had ever told her that she was beautiful. She said yes. I said how many times? She said she didn't know. I started drawing on her back. I asked her to guess what number I was drawing and she got them right everytime.She did the same to me but I got them wrong a few times. The thought of writing "I (heart) U" on her back flashed across my mind, but I decided the better of it.

I felt like going to sleep, and so did she I thought, until she started singing to the music playing. By now she held both my hands with our fingers intertwined, and she played with them to the beat of the music.

Her alarm went off, and she turned over to turn it off. We held eachother for a bit more until the buzzer went. She jumped out and I thought that was perhaps a sign of disinterest, but then thought I was just being insecure. Why do I keep looking for signs that she might not like me instead of signs that she actually might like me? Am I really that insecure?

I sat up and waited for her to shower, but she was fiddling with her things and asked me to go first. It was good to have the hot water on my body on a cold day. I left the shower on as she grabbed the shower head, and then I went to change.

I jokingly said that if Korea wins, I will see her on Tuesday, but if they lose, I won't. She later repeated this to me and said she was sure Korea would win. I'm not really sure what that meant (if anything at all).

We headed out the door and walked down the stairs. She stood at the bottom and smiled as I left. I caught a glimpse of the room where the girls stayed when not with a customer. It was right next to the entrance door! Can't believe I had never noticed that.

On my drive back, I thought about a few things. I wondered if she would show my business card to the other girls there, or worse, to the guys there. I wondered if I should've told her to not show it to anyone. I also realised I had done it really without any expectation that she would ever contact me. It's probably best this way. I really don't expect her to contact me. I thought about the alternative reality where I would've expected her to call me and the pain I'd be in when she didn't. For example, I could've somehow fancifully expected her to message me by now, and because she hadn't, I would've been crushed, devastated. But I didn't, so everything is normal.

The only thing I wonder about now is whether I should see her on her last day of work. Right now, I don't feel like it, namely for two reasons: 1) maybe seeing her for the last time on my birthday would be a good 'fairytale' way to end it; 2) it might be odd seeing her after such a 'fairytale' ending; and 3) it seems kinda odd to be with her on her last day of work.

Right now I'm thinking about having Tuesday as the last day, thus leaving it open for her to contact me if she wanted on her days off after her last day at work.

Maybe she might send me a farewell message and that would be it.

KFC with Karina

Man, yesterday got a bit of a shelacking from Alanna about a matter I did. It just reminded me that no matter how well I think we get along, she's always going to be on top of me and I'm there to be under her.

Today I found a funny picture in one of my files where a woman had taken a passport photo with her sunglasses on, lol, so I went to show Karina. She pointe dher lymph nodes out to me and said that they were trying to fight the infection which was making her dizzy, but which has stopped now. She looked pretty out of it and said she was heading home.

I showed her the picture which got her laughing for a bit, and I said I was headed out to look for a voice changer so I'd go with her. I went back to my room and when I went back to hers, she was gone which made me think for a bit, but when I went back to mine she was walking around looking for Erin.

She found Erin and told her she was going home, and then we headed out together. Once out the building, I saw Yoshi and Katie talking to a cop who was in the trial last year. We walked past them, and I wondered if they saw us. Karina decided to put her jacket on so I held her bag for her while she did.

She said she felt like some comfort food, which she described as hot chips, lol. I was thinking about where we could get hot chips and suggested KFC. She agreed so we headed there. I told her about Alanna yesterday, and also pointed out to her how I wasn't limping anymore, and told her the story about how last year I was cycling in the gym peacefully and then a whole cycling class started.

At KFC, I just ordered chips, potato and gravy and a drink, and she got a chicken strips meal. She asked me a question about RXN before having had quite a few laughs. She said she found out that Clink calls Yoshi "chipmonk" because of her voice, lol. Apparently Turk had found that out. I then said I wondered what they called us, and I said they might call her Ms Sick Leave, which prompted a playful reaction from her, lol. I said they probably call me Mr I Have to Ask My Supervisor, because I always defer to Alanna.

By the end of it she had laughed so much she said she felt like going back to work, but I said she should get some rest. We parted at the train station before I went to look for a voice changer. I found it, and even though I'm broke, I bought it. I was pretty excited, lol. I couldn't wait to use it, but I needed a goddamn battery.

Late in the afternoon, Alanna had returned from court, and we had a few laughs telling eachother stories about our clients as defence. I couldn't help but keep telling myself not to get too funny or involved as I didn't want to become too close. I wonder if she'll invite me to her wedding if she gets married.

I was the last one to leave work, even though it was only about 6ish. My eyes lately have become really bad. Things are blurry when I'm at my desk. I think I'll cut down on my hours a bit for now. I don't want to burn myself out. I'm sure I'll need to turn things up a notch later on, so I'll save myself for that.

When I got home, I went out to get a battery, and called G up using the voice changer, hehe. He didn't seem that excited, maybe because he's got his own.

I don't know why, but after having lunch with Karina, the thoughts of Naby have subsided a bit. I began to think that maybe, as one forum member put it, in love with the sex, and not in love with her. Don't get me wrong, I never thought I was in love with her, but I do think that there is some connection there. In the back of my mind, I always think that maybe she likes me. But then I remind myself that: 1) she gets paid to like me; and 2) Jenny/Emily displayed more signs of interest and yet still declined to go out with you.

Gambling ends at 28

On Saturday morning I went to the gym. The plan between the guys was to meet for dinner that night because Shuing is flying to the World Cup on Tuesday, however, I suggested meeting up earlier because I had nothing else to do. I really couldn't see Nabi again because it would be too weird to see her so soon.

G hinted some dissent to meeting up earlier, so that never happened, which also meant I had nothing else to do. So you know what monster comes to play when I have nothing else to do? That's right, I went gambling.

I withdrew $400 and went. I was up $80 on the first spin, then managed to lose it all betting in the wrong sector when 19 came up THREE TIMES IN A ROW. Before that, the dealer had been alternating between sectors pretty well, and here she was, when I wasn't betting in that sector, turning up 19 three times in a row. That killed me.

My mindset before that was, I would have enough money to see Nabi three more times after my payday on Thursday even if I lost it all. And, I thought it would be a nice time to stop gambling at just before I turn 28 so it would be a hallmark thing and make it easy to remember.

So there you go, despite the fact that you can't trust an addicted gambler, here I go again: I am never going to gamble at the casino again after turning 28. Besides, after Nabi leaves, I don't intend (although this may change later on) on seeing any girls on a regular basis like I did with her. Therefore, I will have much more money to pump into this credit card.

It's kinda funny, because earlier in the year, my goal was to clear my debt by my birthday. Now, with my birthday coming up, I am somehow in the same situation I was in the midst of my gambling addiction. Hmmm.

After that I caught the bus back home, had a bit of a nap before meeting up with Malay at his bus stop. We caught the bus out to the city, and I told him about the awkwardness Brain brought to the lunch on Monday. I came up with the conclusion that Brain just never brought anything to the table, he wasn't a contributor. Take our bbqs for example, he just NEVER brings anything. Why the hell not???

One interesting point Malay noted was that whenever he has dropped off Brain at his place, Brain has NEVER thanked him. Very interesting.

We got some small stick foods from a Korean corner store once in the city, and then went to meet up with G and Shuing. We went to dinner at Superbowl near Chinatown. The main topic came out to be Brain's social awkwardness, which turned into the butt of most jokes for me. I didn't like to, but I guess I was still blaming him for making things hard for me on Monday. I did tell myself to hold back at times though. Ripping on friends is not a good thing.

We also talked about Linda a bit, not sure if she'll ever escape our conversations, lol.

After dinner, we went to check out the movies and ended up watching The A-Team. I wasn't really into it, I would've preferred Robin Hood, but they seemed to prefer The A-Team. It was a lot better than I had expected (maybe because I didn't expect much). It had humour, action, and a pretty good story. I think I'm halfway onto becoming a Liam Neeson fan. I never knew he could pull off a macho role like that, but he did it and he did it with style.

After that, we decided to watch soccer, and went back to Shuing's place with some chips and drinks. I was cheering for Ghana only because I wanted to see Australia lose. It was a good game, but I didn't think Kewell should've gotten a red card for that. Hell, I don't even think it was a hand ball.

It finished pretty late, and I ended up getting home at about 2:30am, even though it didn't seem that late.

Today, I went to the gym again. I nearly had a mis-step on the stairs which made me kick it, and I felt a bit of pain in my right knee - a sore reminder that I was definitely not ready to even run yet. It still feels loose, but since yesterday I have started doing five minutes on the bike just to re-strengthen the knee. Oh the agony of going through all this again~~~

I then went home, had a shower and went out to the office. My goal was to get a brief done. I've handed in 13 to Alanna now, so I'm pretty much done for the month, but I just thought I'd stay ahead whilst possible.

I ended up getting one done surprisingly quickly. It was just one folder with everything well prepared, nothing missing. I did it in about two and a half hours whilst listening to Recovery, which I think is a record for me. I remember Rat saying the faster she has ever done one was four hours.

After that, I went to a couple of cake shops to window browse for cakes that are nice but small enough to take to Nabi. I think it'll be a hard challenge to get a fucking cake in there without the guys seeing.

I then went home and met up with Malay to check out his electric polisher. It was pretty cool indeed. He wanted to wash his car but I didn't want to stay too long. We ended up having lunc at the corner store. I just had a small seafood salad because my mom had made me some food at home. I think I got a little bit sick towards the end of it.

I had a huge nap earlier. I've been sleeping and waking up thinking about Nabi. Uh-oh.

Nabi again :)

On Thursday night Michael L called twice. I didn't pick up the first time and thought about not picking up the second, because I knew it'd be some stupid dinner to try to set me up with Jessica. However, I didn't want to seem like I was breaking all ties with his side of the group so I called back. He invited me to Shuing's farewell on Friday night, and being such a big event, I couldn't say no, so I said I'd most probably be able to make it but would confirm.

I couldn't get Nabi out of my mind, and I kept thinking that maybe she was at the other shop. So at 11pm at night, I went out under the pretense of getting cheap petrol to go to that shop. I had never been inside, but remember once finding it with the intention of going in but changed my mind. It was pretty dodgy from the outside - iron gates in a dark alley with a small bell which took me a few moments to find.

I pressed it and was greeted by some Asian guy. He led me in and stood very close to me as I sat on a stool. Then the girls came out. This was a different style, something they call the "fishbowl" I think. It was like a catwalk runway, but with glass surrounding it so you couldn't run onto it if you wanted to, you could only watch.

I watched as girls one by one strutted along the runway towards me and then strutted back. I wasn't really thinking "is she hot or not?" but rather "is that Nabi?" I felt like I was doing a police line-up.

Sadly, none of them even remotely looked like her. I said to the guy "I'll come back another time, is that ok?" and he rudely said "it's not ok". I chuckled a bit, but I knew he was pissed off I had come in and made him work without buying anything. I didn't care, I was just after Nabi. But if I ever had the chance, I'd smash a chair onto his head.

Yesterday at work was pretty quiet. I had a quick lunch again just before noon and then went out to meet Shuing so we could watch Game 7 live together. We went to Cheers where a lot of people were already watching it, since we had joined in the second half.

It was such an exciting game! We were going for Boston, and there were Celtics fans upstairs but where we were had mostly Lakers fans. I found myself clapping loudly and going "yes!" each time the Celtics made a bucket. I thought we had it pretty good when we were up by 11, but then the drought began. I couldn't believe it. I thought it was over when Lakers were up by five, but then Rondo hit an amazing three, which didn't put anyone at rest. Shuing and I walked out immediately after the game, mainly because I had been out of the officer for two hours and didn't really want to get fired.

I thought the refs had a huge part in the Lakers' win. They called some questionable fouls on the Celtics, and totally missed the Gasol travel. I was pretty upset inside.

Shuing walked me back to my office and then we parted ways.

I worked very slowly the rest of the day, waiting for it to finish. I had asked Shuing if he was going to the farewell thing and he said no! So what the hell kinda farewell would it be if the person being farewelled wasn't there?! Obviously now there was no reason/obligation to go so I sent a message to Michael L and bailed.

I had also told Shuing about the awkwardness brought on by Brain and Scope at the lunch, and Shuing said it starts at home, meaning that they must not talk much at home. It made me think about how that applied to me.

Anyway, I didn't really have any plans for the night, but thought about watching a movie. In the back of my mind I had the idea of calling up the shop just to see if Nabi was working, because really there was no harm in making a call.

Heath came in at the end of the day and invited me to drinks. I agreed but said I needed to do one thing, used the bathroom and make a phone call. He hung around talking to Maria a bit, before realising that I was taking too long (deliberately).

When he left, I went to the bathroom then closed my door to make the phone call. I asked softly if Nabi was working, and had to repeat myself because the guy couldn't hear me. He said no, but I wasn't disappointed because I was expecting it. Thenhe said "oh wait..." and I thought maybe something was different. I heard him ask another guy if Nabi was working, and then he told me yes! YES! It was a yes!!!

I made a booking for an hour at 9pm. I just didn't know how long the drinks would take and how long after that I needed to go home and get the car.

I went to the drinks and awkwardly introduced myself since Heath was in the middle of a conversation. I got a coke and ended up talking to this guy who was on secondment. It was going fairly well until his girlfriend arrived and it was a bit awkward, cause she may have thought we had known eachother for a while. He did, however, give me hope - he was an Asian with a half Irish girlfriend. So there are some Caucasian girls out there who are willing to date Asian guys.

I later started talking to this guy called Anthony, whose few wisps of hair on his head always acts as a trademark for me to remember him by. We talked about work mainly, and I got the feeling that this group was anti-my department, which I hear a lot about, and I didn't really want to get into it since I was still new and I didn't want anyone to see me as being anti-my department.

It was a bit awkward when I left, because I wanted to leave when Heath left, but he didn't know that, so he just took off by himself. I said I needed to go as well and I felt that Anthony was cross-examining me, knowing I just didn't want to be there without Heath. I said I had to go home and get changed to come back out to watch soccer with friends, and he started asking me details which I had to make up. I basically ran away from the group, lol.

I caught up with Heath and walked with him to his bus stop. We had a bit of a whinge and I told him how I didn't like Wendy liked me, because of that time when she half joked that maybe she should go back to being an SLO and I said "maybe you should". Far out.

After that I went to withdraw some money to see Nabi, and thought about getting her some food but then thought that her seeing me after such a long absence was enough. I couldn't wait. It felt like I had so much to say to her. I wanted to tell her over and over again about how much I'd missed her, how I thought I'd never see her again, and how I just want to hold her forever and ever.

I caught the bus back home and bummed around for a bit because I was still so early. I left home at 8pm and drove there, intending to have a walk around to kill time, which I did. I walked along the main street, went into a pub to use the bathroom, then walked back down the main street.

I went into the place at about 8:45pm. It was some new guys I had never seen before. I told them I had a booking and the guy checked his very scrappy piece of paper documenting the bookings. I could see about five there including mine. He said "shit" and I thought he had given her to someone else over my booking. He then said I was early and I realised he just thought I had booked at the time I walked in.

I was cool to wait, which I did. I used the bathroom a couple of times and realised for the first time that the waiting room in the back links back around to the other waiting rooms. I flicked through a couple of magazines and waited till about 9:20pm.

I heard a girl talking to a guy, and then heard her say something like "Nabi already?" which I took to mean "Nabi has another customer?" Of course, I didn't like the fact that she was with someone else, and even more didn't like the thought that it might be a regular. I saw a line-up when another customer was there and there were some really pretty girls, so I'm not sure if every guy would pick Nabi over them.

Anyway, the guy called me and when I saw Nabi, she didn't have that same surprised reaction she had when I first saw her after missing a week, but I did notice a glimmer in her eyes.

I offered my hand and she held it as we walked upstairs. When we got far enough away from the guys downstairs she said "long time no see". I said "really?" and she said yes.

We walked into the room, then she went back out to get something (as usual) and came back in. She said she had been in Melbourne for eight days for a holiday.

Ohhhhhhhhh that explains it!

She said she left on a Wednesday and had just returned to work on Thursday (17/6). I said I had been calling and was just told that it was her day off. I said I wanted to see her last Saturday but she wasn't there.

She said she had seen my name on the booking list and was glad to see me.

We kissed a bit before showering. I just tried to take everything in and admire and appreciate the moment. After the shower we started kissing and she started nudged me towards the bed. I sat down and she kneeled down in front of me. That went on for a while before I laid back and she kept going. Then I moved up the bed and she followed.

We made love with her on top and then she fell back so that I was on top. It was quite passionate, with her moaning and saying "darling" a few times. I heard her say "yes" and "I'm cumming" a while later. I'm not sure if she actually was, I can't tell. My mind wandered between the passion of the moment, what some guy had apparently said about her on the forum two years ago (if that was even referring to her) calling her a "slut", and about the customer she was previously with.

We kissed a lot and it was like all this made up for all this time missing her. I almost couldn't believe I was with her again. At times I thought I would never see her again, and now here I was, with her, kissing her.

She switched back on top and that was how we finished. She stayed on top for a while, like she usually does, with her eyes closed, seemingly enjoying the moment. Her hair dangling down everywhere made her look a bit like a crazy woman, which I thought was funny.

After that we held eachother. She tried to put her legs over mine but I put one over hers. She kept fondling my hair and eyebrows. I ran my finger along her face until it reached her lips, when she playfully bit it. She asked if I wanted a coffee and I said I just wanted Nabi. I think we did the most talking since ever. I had told her earlier that the reason I missed her a few weeks ago was because I twisted my knee, and she asked me what happened and I said it was from basketball. She fondled my knees and asked which one it was, and when I said it was my right one, she tried to feel for any differences. I asked her if there was and she said yes. I think she said there was a bone in my left but not in my right, which has always been the case.

I said I couldn't run so I had gotten a bit fat, and she agreed. She said I was a bit fatter since last seeing me. She said a bit of fat was cute. I said "but not sexy?" and she said "not sexy".

She then told me that she was going to Korea soon. I asked her why and she said to fix her teeth. I said I liked it and she said "do you want it?" and pretended pulling one out to give to me. She said she was going on July 7. I asked her if she was coming back, and she said she didn't know.

Needless to say, I was in a bit of a shock. I'd always knew this thing wouldn't last, but I didn't know it would end this soon. At times we would hold eachother in silence, but then eventually one of us would say something. We ended up with her laying on her stomach and me holding her around the hips as we talked. She had also lit up a cigarette and was playing with my hair and facial hair.

She also mentioned that she might get plastic surgery on her face. I told her not to, and she said it would make her look pretty. I said she was already pretty, perfect, the best looking girl I'd seen. She asked why I didn't like it and I said it looks fake.

I asked her what I was going to do without her and she said she didn't know. I asked her how I would know if she would come back, joking that if I called up the place they would get angry, "Nabi here? Day off. Nabi here? Day off! Nabi here? DAY OFF!", which made her laugh, lol. She said I could give her my number and she would text me if she returned. No messages would mean she was not back I guess.

We had also joked earlier about what I'd do in her absence before, and I said I'd see another girl. She started laughing and I quickly held her and said I was joking, and she said "I know what's on your mind". I wonder if she really thought that. I wonder if she knew that she was the only girl I'd been seeing since we met, and if she thought otherwise.

My mind kept thinking about July 7.

July 7, July 7, July 7.

I told her my birthday was soon, and she asked when. When I told her, she tried to figure out what day it would fall on, and I said the Tuesday after next. I don't know if she has anything in mind. She asked if I was going to celebrate and I said no, she asked why and I said I just didn't. I had in mind of seeing her that day, but didn't tell her.

I asked when her birthday was and she said 2 December.

She also brought up that she would be taking her mother on a holiday to Japan and maybe Thailand. I half jokingly asked if her mother would pay or if she would pay. She said she would pay, and I said she was a good daughter. She said her mother missed her.

I felt like I had so much to say her to because this was such big news for me. I asked again what I would do with her, and she said she didn't know.

She said her friend was going back to Korea the next day. I asked her if she had any other friends, and she said that was her one best friend. I said she had me as a friend and she said the same back. For a moment, it seemed like the weirdest moment - it was like being put in the friendzone by a girl you regularly have sex with.

The buzzer went and she said "shit" as she reluctantly got out of bed. I said "shi-ba" which really made her laugh. She kinda made it seem like I shouldn't say it, but couldn't stop laughing. I said she could shower first. She packed up her stuff before showering. I waited and then had my turn. She asked me what I was going to have for dinner, and I said maybe McDonald's, maybe a Nabi burger, which made her laugh.

As I was tying my shoes, she had come to sit next to me holding my jacket. She opened it and held it up for me to put on and asked me where my glasses were. I took them out from the pocket and put them on.

I was thinking so much about July 7 that I forgot to tell her I would see her next Saturday. In hindsight, I probably also should've asked her when was the last day she'd be working. My stupid mind just seemed to assume she'd be working up until July 7.

As we left the room she said something in Korean which meant either goodbye or hello. When we walked down the stairs she said the place smelled. When we got down to the bottom she said goodbye which I felt had a bit more...I don't know how to describe it, 'care' maybe?

I drove to Chinksford Macca's and bought ten nuggets and went to the seaside to eat them. I felt like sleeping/crying but didn't. I went back home and went to sleep, feeling sad.

$100 Rebel gift card

I left home extra early today because yesterday I got a message saying that the first 100 people at Rebel would get a $100 gift card. I figured if I could get there by 7:30am it would be early enough. When I got there, it was packed full of people. I arrived at the same time as a girl and a guy, and we bantered a bit about where we were within the 100. I guessed we were about 80-90.

I couldn't believe there were so many people waiting! The girl asked the guy first in line what time he had gotten there and he said 4am, LOL! Ok, I want it, but I don't want it that bad.

It was kinda exciting waiting to see if we were within the 100, and luckily, we were. I got the card and left, and the guy I had been talking to here and there caught up to me and introduced himself. He asked for my business card which I thought was a bit strange, but we swapped cards anyway. Hope he ain't gay.

When I got to my building, I saw Genie with a girl who looked like Zena but turned out to be Yoshi. I saw them chatting a bit before I arrived. In the lift, some guy who also works for our organisation was talking to Genie about some women's movement for a pay rise. When he left, I joked that maybe I should start a men's movement for a pay rise. Yoshi chirped in and said something. This is the second time she's done it. Last time was last week when I thought Maria was playing rap music and Yoshi was there and said it was Michael Jackson. I was a bit stunned by her initiative, given what was happening between Katie and I. Oh well, my beef isn't with her anyway. But I do keep in mind whose side she's on.

Shortly after I logged on, I got an email from Alanna's personal email. She said she needed me to get a research paper from her computer and gave me her username and password. I thought it'd be a bit suss to be in her room at her computer, so I logged on using mine, but apparently whatever is saved on the desktop is stored in your own actual computer, so I had to do it in her room. When I sent it, I said something like "this counts as a brief" and she replied with something like "I won't bother you for the next two days" which I thought was a bit strange. If anyone was bothering anyone, it was me bothering her. Maybe she wanted reassurance that she wasn't annoying? I didn't reply.

I worked on my hearing in the morning then worked on a brief for the rest of the day. I went to see Karina in the morning and told her how I caved in by buying a coke while watching Game 6. I actually started off by asking her how she was and she said she wasn't still feeling very well, and that she would get dizzy by walking. I said she should just move around in her chair, which made her laugh and made me feel good. Maybe I am funny?

I had lunch in the office quickly then went out for a walk through the Asian grocery store. When I was at the lifts going down, Lynette asked me where my "lunch friend" was. I didn't know what she meant at first, but then realised she meant Karina. Hmmm.

I left work relatively early around 6pm, intending to check out what I could get with my new gift card at Rebel. My knee just didn't feel like walking. I went, but it just doesn't feel normal. It sometimes feels like the bone can become unstable at any moment. Creepy.

I didn't see anything I liked or needed so I left. I went home with the casino deep in my foremind. I went home and went out under the pretense of going to the gym. I won $115 playing numbers and left. My target was $100, so covering the transaction costs was a bonus, even though I had lost $20 just before I left.

All throughout the day I had been at peace with myself about Nabi. I knew I could just call up on Saturday, and I'd find out, or I could go and ask one of the other girls. It was just a World Cup thing, I told myself. I'll eventually see her after the whole thing finishes. She's probably just taken time off to follow it.

But then I checked the forums and found threads where people were saying that the shop she works in has a "sister shop" in the city which does massages, and that sometimes if one shop didn't have enough girls, they would move around.

So she could be at another shop???

That really depressed me, because I knew now that my chances of finding her had halved. It was one thing to look for her in one shop, but in two shops...?

New boss on the horizon

Yesterday was such a blur, I swear. It felt like I spent all day doing minor things here and there, I didn't even get a brief done. And it affected Alanna too, because I think she spent all day doing my matters.

Imad came to me just before lunch with something urgent that was in court at that very moment, and Alanna and I worked together to fix it. She was in my room pretty much dictating while I typed, and in the back of my mind I thought "wow, I'm next to a former Miss World or whatever she was in".

Anyway, we fixed it up and I went to Court to give it to the people doing the list. One lady who seemed kinda new to the whole thing thought it was my file, until I said I had only gotten it 20 minutes ago. The other girl, Moira, knew me and said she knew because my name wasn't anywhere on the file. Anyway, I had to go back and re-do it again, this time I was in Alanna's room dictating while she typed. I thought we made a really good team.

Karina also returned my movies yesterday. We had a brief talk about each of them in the corridor, but that was it. I hadn't really planned to not see her, but I didn't have in mind to go out of my way to see her. I just didn't feel the need. She mentioned she was sick and how it affected her throat, and I said she could sing for my birthday. She asked when it was and I told her. She also complimented me on the purple tie I was wearing.

After work I went home and then drove to the gym. It's starting to come back to me now, my familiarity with strength.

Maybe I had thought of it just before I went to sleep, or maybe I came up with it during my sleep, but I woke up with the idea that instead of calling everyday like a stalker to see if Nabi is working, I could just rock up each Saturday at the usual time and check out the line up. If she's there, then great. If she's not, I'll pick another girl and ask her about the whereabouts of Nabi. Sound like a plan? You betcha.

I was kinda late to work today so went to buy Macca's for breakfast. I bumped into Alanna and Amy at the lifts, and they were joking about how this proved I didn't live in the office. Shortly after I settled into my room, Alanna came over and gave me an orange. She said it was from her boyfriend's parent's tree or something, but it made really sweet juice.

I was pretty happy and put my hands out to catch it, and then she lobbed it to me.

Today seemed a bit similar to yesterday. It seems like Alanna devoted today to working on my files because she would have the rest of the week off for study leave. She said she would take some briefs home to mark on the weekend, and when I said she didn't have to, she said she would because I gave her the courtesy of handing them in early.

I had soup and bread quickly in the office before ducking out to watch the third and fourth quarters of Game 6. Fucking hell, what a disappointment. The Celtics scored, what, 68 points??? Anyway, I watched it at a bar and felt like I had to buy something, so I bought a coke and sipped it, which meant...I LOST THE WAGER WITH KARINA!

I was going to tell her about it back at the office and offer her the free lunch, but she had gone home sick.

At the end of the day, we got an email which basically told us that the boss was changing departments, which meant we would be getting a new boss soon. This was pretty big news, but I didn't really have anyone to talk to about it.

I kept working and then Alanna came in to talk to me about it. I think it's the first time she has approached to talk about something like this. Usually we talk about either my files or hers. Maybe she had no one to talk to about it either.

She said it was annoying because this meant we would have to prove ourselves all over again to the new boss. I never thought about this, so I was glad she pointed it out to me. I can tell she definitely knows how to get ahead. I said she should apply for the job and she laughed. I pushed a bit more and said I thought she'd be good at it. I think she secretly craves these compliments. Like earlier today, she came in and said something like "you must be glad I won't be here for the rest of the week", and I said that wasn't possible or something.

Anyway, she gave me her orange, saying she didn't eat it today.

I kept working until 7pm, and then went home. I checked that Asian social website, and couldn't help but feel a bit of a tickle in my heart to see that Niko had accepted my friend request and that she had visited my profile :)

No more Nabi?

I called the place tonight, and was told that it was her day off. Even thought I didn't call yesterday, I think it's safe to assume she didn't work yesterday either. She's had four days off in a row...

I'm beginning to wonder whether I'll ever see her again. I started thinking maybe I should just visit at around the same time and start all over again with another girl. If she's there, then great, if not, go with another girl.

But then again, maybe I should just be a bit patient. I mean, they're saying it's her day off, they're not saying she no longer works there, so she's got to come back some time...right?

Positional Death

Man, so angry today because I had planned to watch Game 5 from 9-11 then go to work a bit, but they were showing FUCKING NETBALL!! I checked the schedule and they had shown the game at 7am, which was the Game 4 replay, instead of showing the live Game 5 at 9am.

Screwed up my day.

I had logged onto MSN and G logged on as well, and asked if I wanted to go to this Asian social lunch with him. I figured I could go at noon, stay there for about an hour and then go to the office to do some work, so I agreed. Besides, it would be good to get out and meet some people *cough* girls.

I told him to invite Brain, because I knew he really wanted to meet girls, and maybe even try out what he had read in The Game.

G picked me up at about 11:30am, and we drove to pick up Brain and Scope. G was in a bit of a hurry, so he decided to turn right into a street which didn't allow a right turn. There was cop standing next to his car pointing at G. I had started calling Scope up, and I said "I think he's pointing at you", but he kept driving.

I checked the side mirror and saw that he was chasing us. I said "ummm...I think he's chasing us". He kept driving, did a u-turn at the roundabount and stopped outside Brain's house. The cop stopped behind us and basically issued G a ticket for the no right turn and a caution for not obeying his direction.

I just sat there embarassed. He was such an idiot. But at the same time, I could see how this would be bloody hilarious in 10 minutes' time. Brain came walking out of his house and was like "wtf?" but entered G's car anyway. I sat there thinking if it was a good move. In hindsight it was, because it supported G's story that we were picking up a friend.

I was also a little pissed that G had called Brain up earlier, and then on the way I called him up to tell him to wait for us outside his house, and yet he only came out after the cop had fucking time to issue a fucking infringement notice. Fuck!

After that little episode we picked up Scope and parked in the city. G was walking pretty fast towards the place, while we kinda just strolled behind him, lol. G wanted to run a flashing pedestrian light, and Scope and I followed (I can now jog very lightly to escape being run over on the road, but right now my knee feels soooooo loose/naked, it's like nothing is connecting the bones). Brain didn't run with us so we had to wait for him...grrr.

We finally reached the place, and I saw a bunch of Asian people standing outside a restaurant. We stood around awkward for a second before this guy called Michael came over and introduced himself to us. He apparently was the organiser of this. Seemed like a nice, decent guy, but I bet you he'd pick up if he could.

He even introduced us to a group standing furthest away from us, which luckily had a few girls. After that he walked off, and I took the chance to make things easy by initiating conversation with a girl called Monica, which started a four-way conversation between her, another girl, G and I. Brain and Scope watched on even though a few times I tried to bring them into the conversation.

A while later, a girl came along and she caught my eye. I swear to god I thought that was Nabi. I waited for her to see me to see if there was any reaction. There wasn't. I looked at her a bit more and thought maybe it wasn't her. When we walked to our table I realised it wasn't her, but this girl was quite pretty.

I knew, I KNEW seating arrangements would be crucial. But I had no idea how the others would be seated. At first we went to one side of the table, but everyone was going there so I went to the other side, in the corner. I ended up sitting between Scope and Brain, which would eventuate to be my positional death.

G sat on the other side of Brain. To our fortune, the girls we had been talking to earlier came to our end of the table and sat next to Scope. The Nabi look-alike (Niko) sat next to Scope, and I smiled at her as she sat. She looked at me twice, and then I introduced myself, which led to introductions for everyone else.

I was pretty glad at this point that she had come this close, but came to realise it didn't matter - Scope was the immovable barrier.

At first I was smart and went to get drinks from the fridge for everyone. I noticed Niko look at me was I headed to the fridge. I also noticed her look at me as I made my way back to the seat.

At times during the buffet, I would try to say something across the table to Monica, hoping it would engage Niko, but she didn't buy it. Other than that, I was trapped into talking to either Brain or Scope. I was wishing, WISHING that Scope would talk to Niko, because she could only talk to the other two girls and it seemed pretty rude to not talk to someone right beside you, but he didn't budge. They actually managed not to talk to eachother for the whole thing. It was like Katie and me.

For most of the lunch, Niko had her back to Scope. That was such bad body language. I don't think she was trying to be rude, but I think she didn't want to feel ignored, or awkward.

I got pretty upset inside, not sure who at more. Sometimes I thought Brain because he was the one reading The Game and wanting so much for an opportunity to talk to girls, and yet here he was, opportunities plentiful, and he choked. It was like someone saying "damn, I wish I would make it to the NBA Finals" and when they do, they absolutely fucking choke. Fuck.

On the other hand, I felt that Scope should've at the very least and out of courtesy talked to the person next to him. Maybe if he had spoken to her, it would led to a three way conversation involving me, rather than having her turn her back on all of us?

Focussing on the positive for a second, I was very impressed with G's social skills. Although some of the stuff he says can be a bit weird at times, I admired how he initiated interaction with a lot of people, not just girls. He leaves sufficient silence during a conversation for others to join in, and he can keep it going with random interesting questions. Bravo, bravo.

Brain and Scope left at the end to go to Thai's place, and it was a bit of a relief because that meant there was now no barrier between Niko and I! But it felt like the damage had been done - you have a certain amount of time to build rapport and when that expires, it just makes life that much harder.

I eventually found an open opportunity to talk to her, and she turned around to face me which made me feel bad because Monica had gone off somewhere so the other girl had no one to talk to. I could've involved her in the conversation, but damnit, I wanted to show interest in Niko!

We talked about normal (boring?) stuff. She lives in the city but works in Neutral Bay. When I asked her how long she had been here, it felt like a conversation I was having inside a brothel.

I noticed she was quite pretty close up as well, but at the same time thought maybe I was showing too much interest. As talkative as she was, I noticed that she didn't ask what I did, just my background info.

After we all paid our share, we stood outside for a bit. Monica and Niko had gone to one side to talk, and G suggested to head over there. I agreed, but on our way got caught in a conversation with this guy called William, who works in the suburb I used to work in. He seemed like a pretty cool guy, but I had my mind on Niko. I looked over at her which I think made things pretty obvious.

One group, including Niko and Monica, suggested going for ice cream first while the others went off to karaoke. G suggested we go follow the ice cream people and I was more than happy to oblige. I was really happy to go to that place with the tower ice creams, but these two guys leading the group wanted to go to Lindt.

When they decided on that, Monica said she didn't want to walk that far, and then Niko said she'd follow Monica.

Great.

The others kept walking, and G and I found ourselves standing there again trying to decide what to do. I didn't want to follow the Lindt group because they looked like fuckers, but I also didn't want to go to Niko because then it would seem like we were following them (rule is, lead, don't follow).

We ended up going to Monica and Niko. We all bought ice cream except Niko who said she was on a diet. I walked almost in isolation towards karoke with them.

I really didn't feel comfortable being there, mainly because I knew I couldn't sing. But I also began thinking about Niko. If she was willing to not go to Lindt, how high could her interest in me be? So what was the point of staying in karaoke? While G was out at the bathroom, I walked out. G saw me and I told him I had to go.

Yes, I dogged it, but I guess I had better things to do. I went to the office and got some work done before going home.

God, I am still so angry at Brain and Scope. G just told me on MSN that if I hadn't of suggested inviting Brain, then he wouldn't have gotten the fine and I would've sat next to Niko!!!

No Nabi again :(

On Saturday night, I went downstairs to wait for G. He picked me up and Malay was about 30 seconds away. He picked us up in his new car, which was pretty amazing. I sat there and could appreciate his car with him, whereas I think if I was sitting in Bobby's Audi I would've been full of jealousy and would have been forcing myself to come up with phoney compliments.

We parked in the city and walked to the arcades where we met up with Brain, Thai and his wife. I couldn't help but be re-absorbed by the games, but I didn't play. It didn't have that type of lure to me anymore.

Thai's wife brought a friend along, and it was interesting to see how it affected the group dynamics when a new girl joined. We all politely waved, a little too shy to initiate conversation with her as if she was an alien. She wasn't that much of a looker, but she seemed nice enough. I was just glad she wasn't anything like Linda.

Anyway, we managed our way to a small Japanese restaurant near where I work. We waited a bit and had a fun time talking and joking. Even though I hadn't seen Thai for a while and I don't feel as close to him as I could, I found we could still joke like we just came from high school.

Brain asked Thai to tell me 'the' story, and Thai told me that he had been "rolled". I was shocked and asked him what happened. He said he was walking near Hyde Park at 4am one day, and this kid came up and started talking to him. Thai was drunk so he just ignored him, but then he felt someone hit him from the back and then he went unconscious. A passer-by who saw what happened helped him up and went to the police station with him. They had taken his wallet and his bag which had a PSP in it.

I thought it was a lot of bad luck for the couple, since his wife had recently had a serious fall at work and stayed at home resting for a while. Damn.

When we got a table inside I told him he could claim compensation, but he didn't want to do anything like that. I sat between him and Malay, and Thai's wife sat next to her friend, with Brain sitting opposite her. I thought it was a good opportunity for Brain to work on his 'skills', even if he wasn't attracted to her, but he failed. I don't think he spoke to her at all *sigh*

The food was ok, but I thought the place was pretty nice. I think the waitress who brought my dish over got angry because I didn't know what I had ordered, only the number of it.

Scope arrived a bit later, and I found him to be a refreshing version of Brain. He at least had a sense of humour. G, even though had eaten dinner at home prior, ordered a small dish, which I thought was an improvement in his social 'skills', to not feel left out. Usually if he had eaten he wouldn't order at all, but I was glad he did. Although in the car he did remark to me how cheap the drive-in cinema was when he went with his date, and I hoped he didn't say that to her.

After dinner we made our way to Sharkies to watch the soccer game between Korea and Greece. As we wandered around the place to find some good seats, I looked at all the "clubbing" people and wondered if this was what Nabi would get up to. I tried to see if she was there but didn't see anyone who remotely looked like her.

We managed to get a table close to a big screen, but as I was short sighted it didn't help me much. There was a tv right above me which was showing rugby, but later they switched it to soccer so I watched that one.

It was pretty quiet amongst us, but Shuing arrived soon after the first goal and it was like we couldn't stop talking, lol. We talked about the NBA Finals, the soccer, the Linda hooking up with Patrick thing, everything, lol.

I was cheering for Korea but I thought Greece was going to win. In the opening minutes, they just seemed to be the more aggressive team. But as Shuing pointed out, Korea had "finesse". I can't believe it was such a flogging. There was a pretty loud Greek fan behind me, and I was just glad the victory shut him up, hehe.

After the game we pretty much called it a night. We had too many people to fit in G's car, and Thai (sensibly) suggested that we could take a bus and the rest could go in G's car, since we lived close to our bus stops. That's the thing I liked about Thai, he can make the most objective and sensible decisions without being biased.

The only reason I wanted to go in G's car was because I feared the social awkwardness of having to be on the bus with Thai and his wife, but luckily it wasn't actually that bad. We sat right at the back, with me in the corner and his wife in between us. I said he was wearing a nice scarf and she said she made me, and I was very impressed. I first thought it was something from G-Star. She asked me how my work was, and I didn't want to dwell too much on it because I don't want to seem like some pomp-ass arrogant lawyer.

It was a nice night out, and we didn't stay out too late, but it was later than my usual bedtime, going to sleep at about 12:30am.

To my surprise, I woke up at about 7am yesterday, when I hadn't set my alarm so I thought I'd be sleeping in. I think I may have been woken up by the allure of gambling, but in hindsight, maybe my mind was thinking about Nabi?

I wanted to gamble so much, probably because I had won, and my mind wanted to do things with 'rewards' - if I had loss I'd be telling myself to staya way forever. I got into the car and thought about going, but instead went for a drive towards the sea side. There was barely anyone there, and I enjoyed the peacefulness of it all. It was such a beautiful sight to see the waves crashing onto the rocks again and again. Watching it makes me think about how amazing our world actually is. I thought about one day taking Nabi to such a sight.

I got back home at around 9am, and then headed out to the city looking to buy some clothes. I was after this top that I already have, it's pretty nice but I think the neck area is stretching out, so I wanted some back up ones. I went to Market City, and ended up getting two thin hoodies from Jay Jays. It wasn't what I was after, but I was just after something I could pull over to go out to the shops or whatever, nothing formal or too stylish, but with a little bit of coolness.

I don't really like wearing very nice clohtes, because I don't like the attention it gets. Like on Saturday night, because it was freezing cold, I wore my Politix black hoodie, and I noticed Brain looked at it a bit as we first met. I don't like it when people notice what I wear, maybe because I don't want to draw envy from them (whereas I think Bobby is actually the opposite, he wears things to make people say "wow, you're so cool/rich/stylish"). Also the other thing I noticed with Brain that night was he mentioned having gone shopping with Malay and regretted not buying a pair of shoes he saw. I think he, like me a few years ago, lives a life of regret. He fails to live in the moment, and when it passes, he bashes himself in the head with "should've, would've, could've".

I went back home after eating some Asian bread and watching the table tennis they had in the shopping centre. I got the car from my parents, and just like the day before, suited up without a tie and called the place. I asked if Nabi was working and...the guy said no :(

Again, I was left with the car and nothing to do. I guess what really hurts is when I expect something and it doesn't eventuate. If I hadn't of been expecting her to be working and was told the same thing, it wouldn't have hurt that much. But in my mind, I thought about her so much that I came to expect it. I guess that's why infidelity hurts so much, because you have the highest of expectataions that your partner will not cheat.

Anyway, I decided to check out some other places. I wanted to try a place I had never been to before. I called this one which was situated in private apartments, but their phones were off. I then went up North, and found myself sitting in my car in front of the place and changing my mind. I felt like a massage instead. It was cheaper as well.

So I drove back to the city and went to the massage place I used to go to a lot. I was told there were only two girls available, and was shown both of them. They seemed kinda similar, but the second one reminded me a bit of Emily/Jenny. I don't know why, but I went with the first girl, Stacey.

When we went into the room I was shocked to see how many tattoos she had on her back. It was kinda like Angelina Jolie's - but it was Korean writing vertically placed on her upper back, and a symbol on her lower back.

Her English was very good, and we got along pretty well. Maybe a little too well. When she found out I was in crime, she told me how she had been in the US and charged with illegal gambling and took the charge for her ex-boyfriend and nearly went to jail. She said her lawyer had cost her $250,000. She said she also used to work in the hospitality industry at the Weston, but didn't like it. This girl definitely had a past.

It got weird when she told me she had been attacked and robbed recently, and had scars on her face which she used her hair to hide. When she told me about the scars, I couldn't tell whether she was laughing or about to break into tears. I actually thought she was becoming a bit psychotic, but I did feel sorry for her. I half expected her to pull out a knife from behind her and stab me.

By now I was thinking "hmmm...I just want to shower and get the hell out of here", but she kept talking about it. The buzzer sounded, and I don't think I have ever been so relieved to hear that buzzer go. I stupidly told her about claiming compensation and that I'd get the form for her.

Great.

So now what? Do I stay true to my word and go back to give her the form and: 1) spend money which could be spent on Nabi instead; and 2) risk being exposed to this psycho. Tough decision. Ah the situations I get myself into...

I went home after that and washed my car. I love my car. I love having it so clean. I still need to wax that side of the door I polished a few weeks ago, grrr.

I parked the car back into the garage, not intending to go out anymore, but when I bummed around at home waiting for mom to come back for dinner and she didn't, I figured I'd go out and rent a video. At the last moment I decided to go to the casino and win $25 quickly and leave.

So I went, and near where I parked I saw a homeless guy sleeping in the corner somewhere in the freezing cold. I semi-told myself that if I won I'd give him $10.

I won $25 on the first game and $25 more on a second game, and then held my chips as I walked around. I had this image in my head that Nabi might be with some young rich guy with lots of $100 chips playing baccarat, so I went to the baccarat tables and looked for her. I don't know if I was disappointed or happy when I couldn't find her.

See? This is what paranoi does to you. It takes your deepest insecurities and makes it a reality. Sometimes I feel I'm lucky I got into law, because it teaches rational and logical thinking. Is a conclusion based on facts? If not, reject it. But my paranoi somehow keeps persuading and teaching me that these fantasies I dream of are real.

It's so true when they say that you are your own worst enemy. I think that fits me aptly. I also think it coincides with the "your greatest strength is also your greatest weakness" quote. My competitiveness is what has driven on and off the court, but unfortunately, it is fatal when applied in an environment such as gambling (see: Michael Jordan).

I walked back to m car and stopped at the homeless guy. He was in so deep and it was so dark I couldn't properly see. He could've been sleeping, he could've been sitting there looking back at me, or hell, it could've just been a pile of boxes and blankets and no one was really there. But in the end, I didn't have the guts to approach him and give him $10.

Does that make me a bad person?

I went to the video store and rented The Fourth Kind. That cute blonde was there. I think she thinks I'm creepy. She semi-smiled at me when I walked in. I went straight to the video because I knew where it was, got it and went to the counter. No browsing at all. I knew what I wanted.

I also bought some apple pies from Macca's to take home because I knew my mom liked them. I was still feeling a bit bad about not helping that homeless guy out. For some reason, I pictured myself sleeping in the cold, and it wasn't a very good situation to be in.

I watched The Fourth Kind at home and it was pretty good. It really makes you think about alien life. Although her credibility suffered a bit at the end, they never really could explain the alien voice on the tape recorder, or the guy flying up in his bed. I think that trumps any attack on her credibility.

No Nabi :(

Yesterday I got into work at around 8am. I bought Macca's for breakfast because I wanted to get into work early.

I got some things done and then when it was around 9am, I kept checking to see if Karina would come into work. When she came in, I sent her an email asking her to lunch and that I couldn't go over to her room because I had been 'reminded' not to.

I didn't get a reply back for a while and started getting a little paranoid. When I had to go to Alanna's room, I walked past Karina's room and saw she had her back to the computer writing something, and her screen went to sleep so she hadn't looked at her computer for a while. See? Always a logical explanation for everything.

When she did reply, she said she had to go to Woolies to get some thermals for camping on the long weekend and invited me to go along with her. I said yes and suggested 12:30, which she later changed to 12:45.

We both got to the lifts area at the same time from different doors, and had a quick catch up about her hearing and the bq thing she had the day before. She still seemed a bit sick, but also a bit livelier due to the excitement from court.

We walked along the main city street and had a good time talking about the email Alanna had sent the day before. She had gotten a Boost juice and was looking for a sunny spot to eat her sandwich, and it was a bit hard to find one so we sat on the steps outside the Telstra building. It was kinda peaceful like that, I enjoyed the setting and being with her.

We talked about work mostly, but I also told her about my new ligament tear. She had a really concerned look on her face. She also brought up the topic of Wendy being the PLO, and I found out from her that Wendy wasn't the original PLO, it was another chick who went to school with Karina. I sensed some envy/jealousy and nudged her softly when I asked what this chick was like. She said this girl was actually 2 months younger than her, lol.

Soon after we went to Woolies to look for her thermals. We couldn't find them and she said she'd get them early the next morning. We walked back down the street and I suggested we grab a cone from Macca's. She thought about it and ultimately said yes. We also talked about how she had a new trainer, and I said I could be her trainer, but she said I would be too hard on her.

We got our ice creams and ate it on the way back. I think she had wanted to sit down somewhere. I thought about taking her to the arcades but we really didn't have enough time, and the boss had see me eat my lunch earlier in the office as well so he'd be wondering why the hell I went out when I ate in the office.

We stood downstairs in our building finishing off our ice cream, and had had some good laughs about cats falling accidentally and brain freeze due to eating ice cream too fast. Amy walked by us and pressed the buttons for the lifts, carrying lots of stuff from shopping. Karina said she never said hi, and I said Amy was a nice person, so she wanted to go have a random chat with her and we caught up to her in the lifts.

I was prety happy about lunch, even though when we talked about camping I found out she was going with the guy she was seeing who HAS A SON, but I was content not to see her for the rest of the day. I tried to leave before she did but got caught up doing some work and she walked by to say bye.

Alanna and I have gotten back onto rapport. While I was talking to Amy in the kitchen, Alanna had dropped off a file in my office. When I went to see it, she had put a post it note with 'ninja' on it, referring to my ninja jokes about getting stuff to eachother's room without the other knowing, lol.

I didn't really have anything to do after work, but had planned to watch a movie. I went home and got the car, went to the shopping centre near me wanting to watch Robin Hood, but I got there about two hours early, so I broke my drought and went to the casino. I used my 'Nabi money' to play, and won $100 playing the colour/columns method.

I then went to Broadway to see if any movies were on but I was way too early for Robin Hood, so I went to get some petrol and then went to the Wick and rented Invictus. I watched it with my dad at home, but it was a bit hard with my mom and sister around, so I stopped about three quarters in and went to sleep.

I went to the gym this morning, and felt a bit rusty even though really I had only taken a week off. I could still bench 20kgs, but it felt...different. It's going to be hard to get that NBA body with no cardio :(

After gym I went to the supermarket to get some bread and chips, then went home. I had a bit of a nap, then woke up and finished Invictus. Good movie overall, but I could see how some people wouldn't like it. It was a cross between a sports movie and an auto-biography, with really no special focus on either.

I was really looking forward to seeing Nabi, and when my parents came back with the car, I went down and made the call. I said I wanted to book for Nabi, the guy checked and......it was her day off.

It made me sad, because I had come to expect seeing her. My plan was to buy her that pancake thingy from Breadtop *sigh*

My paranoia got me thinking and I wondered why she had taken today off. Didn't she know I'd be coming? Or was she avoiding me? Or maybe, because Monday's a public holiday, her boss had told her to work on Monday so she had her off day today instead of Monday. But then why not take Sunday off? Hmmm.

So now I had no goal. I had the car with nowhere to go. I thought about seeing another girl at that place, but then didn't think it'd go down well if Nabi found out. I couldn't go to the massage place I used to go to because they'd absolutely kill my knee. I didn't really feel like seeing another girl, but at the same time I needed something.

I went to return Invictus, and then found myself driving to the casino. I knew I shouldn't have, because I was up and I wanted to stay that way. Close to the casino, I saw my neighbour Chris walking with a friend. We waved at eachother, and I just thought how great the timing was. I hadn't been for ages and when I do go he sees me. Now he must think I'm a regular.

I played the colour/columns again and was up $75 before losing it all slowly.

I withdrew $400 and played the numbers method at a table with an old man as a dealer. Just before I had arrived he had spun like 7 times in a row in the same sector...goddamn it.

I carefully (is that even a word in the casino?) won back my $200 plus $85 gain. It took a while to decide to pull out, but what really did it for me was the pit boss looked like a real prick, and I could tell he would be really satisfied to see me lose, and I didn't want to give him that satisfaction so I walked off with my money, hehe.

After that I went to get a quarter chicken and chips then went home to watch Game 4 of the NBA Finals. It was pretty exciting, and now I don't think it's possible for Kobe to miss any shots. He made some ridiculous shots. If I was healthy, I'd be practising those tomorrow. Big Baby played well, and so did Nate Robinson. I take back what I said about him before.

Ah and now I'm waiting for G to pick me up so we can go meet Brain and others in the city to do...undecided.

The honeymoon period is o-v-e-r

If you needed a sign to determine when the honeymoon period between you and Alanna would end, perhaps today was it.

Mis was in the city so we organised to have a coffee. I met him at the court nearby where we had a coffee in the cafeteria. It was good to catch up, but within minutes, I felt he had 'arrogant' written all over his face. I'm not sure if it was deliberate to try and feel like he was better than me, or if it was just his personality.

But anyway, we had a good chat. We talked about his work, my work, how I saw Mot recently, a bit about Nom, and he also said that he was planning to open up next year. I said that was a good idea and that he'd do well because he would have a niche market with the Cantonese speaking clients.

I knew I had been out of the office for about half an hour now, so I cut it off and said I had to go. Not long after I returned, I got an email from Alanna. She had sent me and Genie one before about criminal histories, and it was a veiled criticism so I apologised, not even sure if I had screwed up. She sent me back an email saying it wasn't directed at me.

Before I could read this new email, she came into my room and said either this one was or wasn't directed at me. She started off by saying how she didn't care as long as I did my work, but then went on talking about how the boss walks around the office checking to see if people are working, and about how if we go away for long periods of time then we should tell her.

When she left, I read the email. It was for me and Genie and had basically had two points: 1) don't go away for too long; and 2) don't talk to other people in their room.

I was pretty sure this was directed at me, since I had been gone for a while and the boss must've seen it. I forwarded a reply to Genie saying it was for me, so she shouldn't have to worry about it. Genie replied saying the latter point was for her as she was guilty of talking to people in their rooms.

Alanna later came around and said she had been speaking to Erin and considered whether I should apply for that level 1 position which was being advertised. I saw it myself but didn't think it concerned me since I was already level 1. She thought it might be good for me to apply to extend my term, and told me to do it if other level 1s went for it. She said this place was a bit political in that if you don't apply for something they'll assume you don't want to work here.

I joked I wanted to apply for the SAD position which was also being advertised, and she joked back saying "can I be your SLO?" lol.

We also talked about the level 2 position, which was the one I'm after and which I think is more apt for someone my level. She said it comes up every year. I thanked her at the end, as I really appreciated her guidance and advice in these sorts of things. I later wondered whether this was her way of 'making up' to the email before. Maybe she felt bad for having a go at me and this was something like a reward for me? Advice?

Karina was sick today so I didn't have anyone to talk to, so I thought about this more and more. After work, I drove to the shopping centre near me to look for private health insurers to get some advice, but they were all closed and didn't have the stand alone stalls either. But in the back of my mind, I balanced between being angry and being logical.

On the one hand, instincts tell me to get angry because I got criticsed. I thought the best way of giving them the finger was to go into work extra early tomorrow and doing lots of briefs.

But logic was telling me this: Alanna was only the messenger. Obviously the boss put heat on her, so she had to pass it on. ALSO, don't forget, you were the one in the wrong, because you're the one who disappeared for a while.

But instincts come back with: who cares how long I'm gone for? I do my work, I give you your numbers, and that's all that should matter. If I give you your 12 or 13, don't worry about where I am or not. And also, I don't exactly work from 9 to 5. I get there before 9, and leave at at least 6pm. It really is stupid to enforce something like this because it just draws resentment. Surely the boss must have better things to do than to worry whether we're in our office or not...

On a completely unrelated topic, I noticed I got quite a bit of female attention at the shopping centre, most notably from this one chick walking with her boyfriend. She had very exotic eyes. Then when I drove to Bondy, I stopped at the traffic lights and the car next to me had two girls. The one in the passenger seat looked at me. I looked at her briefly then looked ahead. I looked again moments later and she was still looking at me. She was smiling and talking to her friend. I think I heard her wind down her window, but I kept staring straight ahead.