Twish's tie

"Leave me the fuck alone will you?"
-- My Darling, Eminem

I woke up fairly early today, and left home just before 7:30. Got Macca's in the city then caught the train to work. First one in the office, I locked myself in DC's room where I got a good hour's worth of prep done for my job interview tomorrow.

At about 10am I thought I'd better start chucking some things out since we had a few bins emptied. So I did that until 11:30 when we all went for morning tea. GS sat with CJ at another table, so I was with Rom Rom, Kate, her colleague, DY and SM.

We didn't sit for as long as usual, and then headed back to the office. Twish had arrived, and had unexpectedly bought me a tie. I felt kinda bad cause I thought she did it because she liked me when I knew I didn't like her. She asked me to go for a walk with her to get coffee, and I grabbed Rom Rom with me to make sure she wouldn't make a move or anything.

After getting her coffee, we sat at a bus stop seat and talked, and even saw the judge doing a bit of shopping. They talked mainly about Twish's traveling plans, while I happily kept quiet. I was relieved when we finished and headed back to the office, and by then it was lunch time.

Most of us went to the cafe around the corner because PB was here replacing PL. I kept trying to find the right time to introduce myself, and it was only when I sat down at the table that he looked over and that's when I made my move. I told him I worked for Michael D, who I am pretty sure he worked with in another case, and GS said I helped him.

Twish brought up my accommodation needs, and Kate didn't know what we were talking about. I didn't mind her knowing, kinda wishing they would just tell her for me, but they didn't. Earlier Kate had asked why Twish gave me a present out of randomness, lol.

Bush, Shadi and Kylie were also there for lunch, at another table. I called Bush on her phone and she looked over, already knowing I was there. I waved at them, and Shadi waved. When I looked at Kylie I smiled, but she looked away. I don't think she likes me very much now, because I got the job she wanted. Hell, I think it was even in the location she wanted.

When we got back to the office, I went into DC's room again to do more prep, but left the door open. Rom Rom walked in and started talking. I was very quiet, hoping she'd leave. But then Kate walked by and came in, so I told her about my new job, which prompted her to tell a 15 minute story about her experience in that area. And then Twish came in with a folder and started fixing it up right there and then.

As I sat there with my laptop, I watched the three of them seated around me, talking, and wondered why on earth they came in here to talk. Can't they see I'm busy? Can't they see that I have gone into DC's room for a reason? At that point I really wished that they would all just leave me alone.

At the end of the day, I stayed back doing more prep, and left before Twish did so she wouldn't offer me a ride. I went to the uni in the city to do some more prep, got a good two hours done, and then went home.

I am so under-prepared for this interview tomorrow. I think landing the state job made me complacent. I just hope I don't embarass myself tomorrow.

My first bike ride in yonks

After watching The Reader, I had to go to sleep because it was so sad, so that screwed up my sleeping pattern for the night and I woke up with a headache today.

I drove to the Wick to get a hair cut. The wife there kept asking me questions about my uni, because her co-worker's son was apparently going to the same uni. She only walked over to talk to me when she wanted to know something, which I thought was a bit user-ish, but I wondered if I was like that myself. As I walked out, the guy said that I was fatter. I knew what he meant. I knew he didn't mean fat fat, but bulkier, because when you translate stuff like that in your head it means fat.

I really didn't feel like it, but I headed out to the city to read up on some stuff for my job interview on Tuesday. I went to Market City to get a pack of chips and then went to the uni library nearby where I did about one and a half hours worth of prep. It was actually pretty interesting, I just wished I didn't have a headache.

At about 2pm I decided to go get something to eat and maybe watch a movie, in the hope that it would make my headache go away. I messaged G as I walked out asking him if he had placed a bid on ebay for the bike for me yet. He called me and asked if I wanted to go for a ride. I thought that would be a pretty good way to take my mind off my headache so I said yes.

I went to get something to eat from a Chinese bread shop and then caught the bus back home. I had a quick shower and then drove to G's place. He brought two bikes out, and only had one helmet so he let me use it and went without a helmet himself. As soon as I got onto the bike and tried to go down the driveway, I was trembling and shaking and found it difficult to even balance that short distance.

I slowly and gradually got the balance right, and realised how different it was from the bike at the gym. There was so much more involved. So many more sense were now required. And the stakes were real - I could stack it and fall onto a parked car, or I could get hit by a car, or I could just lose my balance and scrape my knees like every kid does. It was so much more...real.

G was leading me through the small quiet roads to the park, but I was scared of any cars that were nearby. I realised that you didn't really have a good sense of what was behind you. I was pretty terrified when we had to cross some roads, because I was afraid the brakes wouldn't work properly since G said they were a bit screwed up - the rear brakes didn't work and I was advised to use the front brakes only.

The other major difference was that the pedal didn't have that thing to hold your shoe in place, so my foot would sometimes slip from the pedal.

I was glad when we finally got to the park, because it meant safety! The track there was a lot bigger than I thought, and it was a pretty good ride. We ended up doing maybe about ten laps with a water break in between. It was good to just have a social chat while riding. As I got more and more confident, I would go faster and faster, but the thing was the mountain bike isn't really builty for speed, and the gear thing would always click awkwardly if I tried too hard.

So yeah, given my newly found concerns for my safety, I am now wondering whether I should still buy that $30 bike from ebay or just spent a bit more and get a new bike.

During our ride Shuing called G, and apparently he found out from Malay about my new job, so he wanted to shout me dinner. G didn't want to eat so we organised to have a drink afterwards.

When we got back to G's house, he showed me some other bikes on ebay, and his mother was being very warm and friendly by making us orange juice and some desserts. I thought that would put us off our organised drinks but it didn't.

I drove G and we went to pick Shuing up, then drove to Easyway. Shuing wanted to shout, but I wouldn't let him, but he said he would shout dinner. I also got a pack of those Japanese biscuits from the supermarket next door and we ate it with our drinks while we talked.

We actually didn't talk that much about my new job, but more about Shuing's holiday, his salsa class, and the bike ride. After that I drove G home and Shuing wanted to get some Macca's, so we stopped off and had some Macca's.

Since it was just the two of us, we talked mainly about Bobby and a bit about Ele. I told him Bobby needed to be the alpha male in the group, and he agreed, although he thought he could deal with him in a way to get favours out of him. Unlikely. He also couldn't tell that Malay bitched about Bobby, because he seemed so neutral all the time.

I told him about how I was starting to look at relationships in a give and take analysis, and used the Ele thing as an example. I told him about how I felt I had done so much for her and she couldn't even come out for dinner, but he said she obviously put work ahead of me. But that was the point exactly wasn't it? A person can't be that interested in you if they put work ahead of you.

He also said that was probably encouraged by Linda. Grrrr. Always bloody Linda.

I also told him about the Twish/French girl thing. He reckons I should go for the French girl, lol. I told him my concern was that people would talk at work. He said he didn't care about what anybody would think if they weren't his friends or family, although he admitted that that wasn't necessarily a good thing.

After I dropped him off at his place, I was coming out of Malay's street and turning onto the main road where I live. It was a green light to turn left, so I did, and then I saw the red light camera flash. If that caught me, it must've thought I ran the red light on the main road.

The Reader

The romantic side of me did think about inviting Ele out to a one on one dinner to let her know of the news that I'd be working far far away. Perhaps the sadistic side of me was also hoping she'd turn me down, in which case I'd leave without a word and the next thing she'd know was that I was no longer in Sydney.

But stuff that.

After my last entry, I got a message and call from malay saying Michelle had accidentally invited Bobby. I also saw a message from Michelle saying something like "sorry sorry sorry". How do you accidentally invite someone?? Anyway, I called Malay and asked if Bobby was coming, and he made a call to Michelle, who apparently uninvited him.

I got to the post office first in the rain, and shortly after I saw Michelle and Malay coming from across the road. We went into the Korean restaurant to get a table but were told that they were full. We waited outside for the rest of the guys, then G came, then Brain and Scope came.

We decided to go eat at the Wick, so G drove Brain and Scope, while I went to get my car to drive Michelle and Malay. I didn't really want to drive, but the only other option was Malay, and I knew he wasn't that good of a driver to park where we needed to park.

We drove to the Wick and met up with the others, then went to that same restaurant that we went to after Michael L's wedding. I sat in between Brain and G, and on the other side sat Scope, Michelle and Malay. I noticed Brain and Michelle got along pretty well, but just hoped Brain didn't think anything of it because she was like that to everybody. I admired how Michelle could be so social when she wanted to be.

After we ordered, I waited for the right time to tell them of the news. I waited for simultaneous silence and never thought I'd get it, when it suddenly came up for an elusive second. I think I may have even cut someone off, or there was a conversation going on between two others. But I told them I had some good news and bad news. Michelle wanted the good news first. G wanted the bad news first.

I told them the bad news was that I wasn't shouting dinner. I told them the good news was that I was now changing sides in that I had accepted a new job in Lismore. They were all pretty happy and shook my hand, and then I was bombarded by questions.

I rarely placed the spotlight on myself like this, but I suppose it had to be done, and it was done with a relatively small group. Luckily the focus wasn't on for long, and conversation reverted to normal as we talked about G's car accident, Brain's visit to Sweden, my case and other stuff like how all the waitresses there were all busty like that Seinfeld episode.

I wasn't even really that hungry, but managed to finish my pasta with the help of Michelle picking at some after she finished hers. Scope barely touched his. After dinner, there was talk about dessert, and I suggested we have it there because I knew if we had it elsewhere that it would give us time for a movie and I didn't feel like sitting through a movie.

We all ordered dessert and when we finished, we stayed outside for a while trying to think of what we could do. It was too early to call it a night, and luckily too late for a movie next door, so in the end we decided to go bowling nearby.

Bowling was ok, I didn't do as well as I had hoped, but didn't care anyway. I think we had more fun taking photos and playing with Scope's camera, which was really cool. I think he should pursue photography instead.

We hung around the arcade games for a bit after the two games of bowling, and then I drove Michelle and Malay home. I decided to be an idiot as I reversed more than I needed to so I could get close to G's car. As I turned out onto the road, I ran over a glass bottle - ouch! Michelle was half asleep in my car, and I dropped her off first, then Malay.

This morning, I skipped breakfast because there was nothing to eat and went downstairs to wash my car. I felt a few sprinkles of rain and hoped that it held off at least until I finished, which I did. Now my car is sparkly clean again =)

I then went to do some grocery shopping, and got some bread, orange juice and chips. I returned home and had canned soup with bread as I watched The Reader. My mom came home soon after so I watched it on my laptop.

It was a brilliant movie, and it was just what I was in the mood for! I felt like crying so many times throughout the movie, like when Hanna left without notice and Michael laid on the bed thinking about her. I could totally empathise with him.

Then it was so sad when he recognised her in court, and it was kinda like when I got to see NTM again. I got a little angry that he didn't help her at court. It was sooo romantic that he made tapes and sent it to her for her to listen to in jail. That first moment when she listened to them was very touching. Oh, and also that bit where he begins a visit but then turns around, can't believe he did that. She waited so nervously, and never had any other visitors.

I could understand the scene where they finally met again. Sometimes in your mind, things play out unrealistically and your expectations are heightened. But when it actually happens, things don't turn out the way you thought it would, and reality slams you down to an earth of disappointment. I'm glad they made it out that way and not some lovey dovey scene where they embraced eachother with full on passion. I would feel the same way too if I saw how much she had aged.

I thought the movie prolonged a bit too much after the climax, which was when Michael found out Hanna had hung herself. If they ended it there it would've had much more of a lasting impact.

I don't know why, but I kept thinking of CLE as I watched that movie. I guess it was because she was older than I was. Also, Kate Winslet reminds me in a strange way of CLE. Not that she looks like her, but sometimes her expression, that worked-to-the-bone, bored of life because she has nobody else look. I wonder what she is doing right now.

Thanking Bush

I drove to work this morning because I had planned to take a copy of the transcripts home, got there earlier than usual, although IN and SB were already in the office. After setting things up, I went to the coffee shop around the corner and sipped on a coffee while waiting for GS. About half an hour later I saw him coming, just as I had expected, and waved at him. I bought him his recently-usual coffee and vegemite on toast and we had a chat about my new job offer and his experience in the area.

We went to the office at close to 10am, and my plan was to get the transcripts to my car and then see my client, as the prison guards had informed me earlier when they saw me walking to court that he wanted to see me. I went to borrow a trolley from Rom Rom, and she offered to help, so we could get it done in one trip. I packed up all the folders into two trolleys and we went to my car and loaded them in. On the way I told her about my job offer and she seemed pretty excited and couldn't stop talking about it, even though I asked her about her mother who was in hospital yesterday.

As we were close to the court on our way back, she got a call from RB saying there were two jury questions, and so we quickly rushed upstairs where everyone was getting ready. It seemed like I was in such a panic just to notify DC, Michael D and my client's sister. Turns out the jury wanted the transcripts of evidence relating to the people working at the chemical places, which was very pertinent to my client.

We spent the next hour or so sorting out the transcripts we needed, and then returned to court. DC managed to make it in time. PL and the French girl also made it, and she sat where Twish usually sits. When she first arrived outside the office door, I opened it for her and helped her with PL's heavy bag. I told her she would have to stand up in court if PL couldn't make it in time and her face froze, lol.

She talked to me a bit in court (and I mean, she initiated it, because I was wary of how I would be perceived merely by talking to her), and I joked that I was getting ready for her crepes for lunch today which made her laugh. As we talked, I felt the prison guards behind me watching and they probably thought I was trying to chat her up so I stopped, but even then, I noticed she would turn slightly in my direction.

I was expecting DC to congratulate me or at least joke about my job offer, but nothing. Instead, he seemed concerned about the gig he was about to get me into. He hinted very strongly that he would like me to do it before I started with the DDP, and I told him I did think about it, but I feared that any delay may cause trouble.

After court Rom Rom spent a considerable amount of time on my laptop looking up accommodation for me. I appreciated it, but at the same time found it a bit annoying, since it was something I wanted to do myself. Why was she being so helpful anyway?

At the end of the half day, the French girl asked me if I was staying or going back to the city and said she could catch the train. I asked her if she was getting a lift off Rom Rom and she said she didn't know, so I went to ask Rom Rom for her. But then I realised that maybe she was wanting to catch the train with me. Hmmm. But anyway, I had driven and I had organised to meet Bush, so I couldn't. When Rom Rom came around and the French girl asked, I joked that Rom Rom said no and the French girl playfully hit me on the arm. Hmmm.

After everyone left I went to meet Bush. I actually didn't really feel like eating. Maybe I was a bit sick. But the thought of seeing Bush to tell her the good news outweighed any feelings of illness.

At the bottom of her office I called Michael D and told him about my job offer. Then Twish called me, and Bush came down. Twish just wanted to know whether I accepted it and I said I did. I told her I couldn't talk and I'd see her next week, and so hung up to be with Bush.

On the way to the shopping centre, Bush was asking me what the occasion was. She was guessing that I got the job, or at least, a job. I didn't want her to know like that so I just said no, lol.

We walked around the street surrounding the shopping centre a bit before deciding on that Thai restaurant. She wanted to know why I was so eager to accommodate her. When ordering, I went crazy with the entrees, to the point that the lady said "I think that's too much", lol. Of course, I shouted and I'm sure she knew what was up.

Once we were seated at the table I told her. She gave me a high five and we talked about it from then on. I could see it was slowly sinking in for her. She couldn't believe it. We were now colleagues now, albeit distant colleagues. I just asked her for tips and what my first day would be like. We also talked about my case and another case that her office was handling which WT was in.

I told her that this was the worst year of my life, and she asked if it was because of the knee. When I said it was that and others, she seemed to be a bit inquisitive. I wonder if she knew about my gambling problem.

After food, she felt like an ice cream so we went into the shopping centre to get some. On the way she stopped at some stores selling baby clothes and toys. When we walked out of one clothing store, a lady must've looked at me, then her, then her bulging tummy, and came to the conclusion that I was the father and was probably disapporving of an inter-racial couple. Nice.

She shouted me ice cream, and we ate it as I walked her back to her office. She spilt some on her purse and licked it, lol.

After that I dropped my briefcase off in my car and headed back to the shopping centre, mainly because I needed to go to the toilet, but I also wanted to see if that black tie that I saw with Twish last time was still there. It wasn't. I walked back to my car and drove home. I managed to move all the folders up into my house and put them away in a corner.

I'm supposed to meet Michelle, Malay, G, Scope, and Brain for dinner soon, as I had organised it to inform them of the good news. But I am still feeling a bit sick and don't feel like eating. Oh well.

Job Offer

I woke up today a bit late, because I woke up at 2:30am and went back to sleep at 3am, so had to get Macca's for breakfast. Went to the one in the city, grabbed the usual and went to the train station. Because of the public holiday earlier, I didn't get a weekly ticket, so I have to buy a train ticket everyday. Usually I go to the cashier window, but today I just felt like using the machine. Even though it was supposed to be peak hour, the machine was strangely isolated, abandoned and empty.

After the machine processed the request and my money, I bent down to retrieve my change, only to notice that there was already 40 cents in there, presumably forgotten by the person before me. As I walked to the gates, I saw a lot of people huddled up in one area, and it looked like they were giving away free stuff. I wasn't going to get it at first, but saw that my train was coming in like ten minutes so I just decided to check it out.

They were giving out these large cartons of smoothie drinks, so I just grabbed one and went through the gates. It would go well with my breakfast, but I didn't really feel like having it then and there because it was so big. As I walked along the platform, I spotted GS and he saw me at the same time. I gave him the drink and ate my breakfast while we waited for the train. He told me that they stayed at the bar until 12:30 last night, which was really surprising. We didn't talk much on the train; he was on his laptop and I was content with minimising the chance that anyone related to our case would hear us talking.

We went for a coffee and just basically read separate newspapers, and then headed to the office. I had originally intended to get there earlier to do what Twish had asked me to do for the French girl, but since I wasn't early, I thought I'd get my laptop booted up before doing that, but she arrived with PL before I could do so.

I noticed she was carrying the folders onto the desk opposite me where DC usually sits. I went to the bathroom and then came out and asked her about it and offered her help. I didn't help as much as I thought I would. I thought I'd put it together for her, but she was smart enough to do it herself as I read to her the page numbers. I told her I already did one folder yesterday, and she said "oh, so it wasn't Twish, Twish didn't do anything?" Look, I knew the point but I didn't like how she laboured it.

Soon after we finished, DC arrived and we went to see the client. That faggot asshole prison guard saw me and thought it was just me, and he entered the cell before the client arrived and said something like "hmmm...you seeing him again, I wonder what you could be talking about". DC walked in at that moment, which seemed to surprise him, and DC said "girls", and the prison guard said "we know his sister's upstairs", implaying that I was/we were passing a message from her to him.

As he left, DC said something like "fucking prick". I was glad he saw through it and sided with me. Again, we talked bullshit with the client. I think he just gets bored. I admire how sane he has remained throughout this entire thing.

After that most of us went to morning tea across the road except DC. It was a pretty big table, so I sat between the French girl and Rom Rom while another group on the other end consisting of more senior baristas talked amongst themselves. At one point, during some silence, I turned suddenly to the French girl and said "hey you know Russian!" (because GS had told me earlier) and she laughed about how sudden and random it was.

After morning tea we went back to the office. I tried to get some preparation for the interview done, but only got a tinsy insy little bit done as I was distracted or just wasn't focussed. Rom Rom asked me if I wanted a lift because she was going past my house, and I accepted, seeing no excuse to refuse. I went out to the bathroom on another level and then realised I had to go pay my car rego, so when I got back to the office I told Rom Rom I couldn't go with her because of that, which I don't think she liked.

Anyway, because we had a half day, at 1pm I left to go to the motor registry and paid for the car rego renewal. I went to the shopping centre to get some Macca's for lunch, and then caught the train back to the city. I missed a call from Michael D because I was sleeping, but when I got off I called him back. He just wanted to know if there was anything for him to pick up but I told him no because the bins hadn't been emptied.

I went home wanting to wash my car but realised it was way too windy to do so, which was both annoying and disappointing. I was preparing to go out to check out a bike G wanted me to buy, when my phone rang. It was a private number, and I usually don't answer private numbers, but I was curious this time so I answered it.

It was the state DDP. The girl told me they were offering me a job, but it was out at Lismore. I knew I had to accept. I told her I was very interested, but she said she would give me overnight to think about it. How nice of her.

It was so sudden, I didn't know what to do. My mom was in the bathroom and I needed to go to the toilet, so I had to go out. I tried to call DC, because I knew it would affect the case he had me lined up for. I called him but he didn't answer. I called GS and he didn't answer either.

I drove to the shopping centre near me, thinking about it. I called Twish and told her. She was really nice and congratulated me. I asked her to at least think about it overnight if she got a call.

I walked around the shopping centre, went to JB Hi-Fi and bought The Reader, which was talked about today during the client conference. I also went to Myer and bought a white shirt. I wanted a black tie but they didn't have the type I had in mind.

DC called back and I told him, and thanked him for being my referee. He was pretty good about it, and said he'd ask the girl who came with him last night about accommodation, because she worked in that area.

Of course! She did! Fark me dead, talk about possible fate. I meet her one night, then the next day I find out I'll be working in her area!!

GS also called back, and I told him about the good news. He encouraged me to take it, and both him and DC also suggested I go to the Cth DDP interview anyway.

I grabbed a fruit salad and sat down to eat it while thinking. I don't know why I needed to think it, or what exactly I was to think about. It was a no-brainer. I had to accept it. There was no other choice. But I still wanted to ponder.

I drove to Bondy where I walked around the shopping centre aimlessly. While I was looking for parking, a car close to the entrance was leaving just as I arrived. How lucky.

Given that I read that false hope article recently, I could see it in action everywhere in the shopping centre. Of course, I had realised this a while back, but I could never express it as articulately and eloquently as that author did. Even me buying the shirt was an example. Perhaps I thought wearing a nice shirt would make people like me or think highly of me. It probably doesn't. At the end of the day, it's all about substance.

I called my dad to tell him, and he was ok with it.

After nearly two hours there, I drove to another shopping centre to get a box of coke, since my mom said we needed some. I also bought three boxes of pizza and pasta to bring home. I was a little disappointed when I got home because mom wasn't there. I called her and she was at the pokies.

I started eating the pizza and watching A Beautiful Mind.

I wonder if this is the start of some change in luck, since I have stopped gambling. Or will it be a case of be careful what you wish for?

The Air I Breathe

I woke up early this morning - a public holiday - with all intents to go for a morning jog. It was a bit cloudy, and I was still deciding. I had sorta decided to go when I felt a bit of discomfort in my right knee. Decision made.

I did a bit of backing up of computer files and cleaning up of some old work stuff so I could replace the broken foam box I had in the boot of my car with another one in the hallway. During that process I threw a lot of things out from my old job. Lotta memories there.

I went down and fitted the new box into the trunk of my car, then walked to the gym. While walking on that long straight stretch, I could see a girl walking in the opposite direction from a mile away. When we got closer, I looked at her and realised she was smiling at me. I must've had this hardened look on my face, because her smile seemed to have stopped by the time we passed eachother.

The gym was ok, did the usual abs, weights and bike. I wore that extra extra large jersey and remembered why I shouldn't ever wear it again - it was almost see through. You could see my nipples. I used my towel to cover the front of my chest when walking around.

After the gym I went downstairs to get a mango salad with museli yoghurt, and a can of chips to eat while watching a movie later. I walked back home, and it started raining a few minutes before I got home.

Throughout the day I had been thinking. Thinking about Ele. Almost as if I was writing a mental letter to her.

You're a taker. In all your relationships you take, take, take. You never give anything back. You're a user. Remember that time I gave you a cupcake? You didn't bother to give anything back, did you? That shows what type of person you are. Remember when I went around to all the supermarkets to find you cardboard boxes to help you move? Remember how I used to drive you to the movies and back? What about when we all used my car to go to the wine valley? You think petrol was cheap? What about all the other times I have given you a lift home?

And after all that, you couldn't even spare the time to come out to dinner with me and my cousin. I guess that was too hard to do. It was really important to me, all I asked was for you to come have dinner, is that too much to ask?

I wanted to wash my car so much but the skies kept threatening to rain, so I decided to make some lunch and settle in to watch The Air I Breathe. I had read a bit about it on wikipedia, and saw that it had received poor ratings and reviews. Despite that, I still had high hopes for it. I just knew I had picked a diamond out from the rough.

The movie turned out to be a lot better than I expected, even after knowing the reviews. What I didn't expect was that each story was told almost turn by turn, whereas I thought it was kinda like Burn After Reading where all the stories were played out simultaneously.

Starting with Forest's character, it was quite a shock, because it was so close to me. What I could really relate to was when Brendan Fraser was pointing the gun at his head asking him why he did it. As I was watching, I asked myself why I gambled, and I knew the answer: greed. But he never said it. In hindsight, wasn't it much safer to just lead the boring, stable life? Oh god I wish I could turn back time.

The other character I could really relate to was Brendan Fraser. He wasn't much of a talker, and people tend to forget that quiet, reserved people have just as much thought processing as others, if not more. Like me, he lived an isolated life. His sole focus was his job, yet his was subconsciously yearning for someone fresh to come into his life, someone who would love him unconditionally and for who he was.

I didn't really like Kevin Bacon's character, mainly because it went against my mentality that you shouldn't devote yourself to someone who doesn't do the same in return. Why was he loving a woman who had decided to marry another man? Why was Hollywood still trying to romanticise ideas like these? It just makes people like me more miserable.

I liked the ending, but like Babel, one mystery remained - what was Trista's real name?

I found out from Malay that G had gotten into a car accident yesterday. I called G up and spoke to him. He was ok. Apparently he was in the car with Brain and Shuing, with Brain as front passenger, and as they were going around the roundabout, a car entered too early and smashed into Brain's side, but everyone was ok.

Kinda funny, cause three days after seeing Bush, this happens.

I have softened from my earlier stance re Ele. I am right now just pondering whether she is even someone worth pursuing. Her difficulty with English really troubles me. Surely I have the credentials to pair up with someone more fluent in English? After all, she is just another girl from Mainland China.

Surrogates

Yesterday I was prepared to bum around when I got a (seemingly group) message from Malay asking what we were doing. From that, we organised to go to the movies, and we ended up at the cinemas in Broadway. It was me, Malay, G and Brain. I drove Malay and then went to pick up Brain. We had lunch there, and talked mainly about Brain's recent holiday to Vietnam.

I saw Stanley at a distant table eating with a girl, and we just waved to eachother. Didn't really want to talk to him since I didn't think we had anything to talk about. He looked unsure as to whether he should've come over but I suppose he didn't because I didn't. I guess if he ever asks I'll just say I didn't want to interrupt.

After we ate we met G at the cinema. We had decided earlier online to watch Surrogates. Brain, Malay and I had wanted to watch Inglorius Basterds, but G had already seen it, and I didn't mind Surrogates by the look of the trailer.

The movie was ok, it really made you think about where humanity was going. And why do we head towards these destructive ends? Because of money, of greed. It makes me wonder whether we even deserve to live on this planet. It's funny that we have become the most dominant species, only to destroy ourselves.

I suppose another reason is our increasing self love for ourselves. Why must we all strive to be so perfect in vanity? Are physical flaws so bad? Is it so hard to age gracefully?

Oh, and remind me not to sit next to G next time, because he seems to be the type to talk to you during a movie.

After the movie G and I had a bit of a talk about the cycling thing he was going to do next month. He was trying to get me to join him and it sounds interesting, but I am not sure if I can cycle for five hours straight.

Shuing called me and asked if I wanted to go to his house to watch the footy. I asked if Bobby was going and he said yes, so I said I didn't want to go. I drove Malay home, cause Brain went with G to Shuing's house. I found myself wanting to listen to my Eminem music more than making conversation.

After dropping him off I returned home and watched the footy finals. It was a pretty exciting game, and luckily the team I picked ended up winning it. Watching the game made me want to get out and run like them.

I went to sleep fairly early, which made it kinda hard to sleep, but eventually did.

Catch Me If You Can

I woke up feeling like I had the same dream twice - had I really just been with Cathy the previous night? Had she left just like that? It was like I had a hold of something, but now it was gone forever.

After a bit of bumming around, I managed to get myself to the gym, where I did abs, weights and the bike. I then drove to the shopping centre near me to buy Catch Me If You Can from JB Hi-Fi. I don't know why, but a few days ago I just had the sudden urge to watch a film about a guy who could confidently pull off false identities.

I got some grocery shopping done and bought some KFC for lunch. I went home and started watching the movie while eating the KFC with the bread I had just bought. I soon changed to watching it on my laptop.

It was a good movie, I think DiCaprio is one of those very versatile actors that don't get enough credit for their versatility and don't get used as much. Tom Hanks was good too, though I was a bit disappointed his character was so clumsy, I was expecting someone really street smart.

My sister then gave me some money for pizza, so I drove out in the rain at night to get us some pizza. While I was out I checked my phone and saw that I had received a message from Linda wishing me a happy moon festival or something. I knew to ignore it because I didn't want to give her any false impressions. I wonder if that is how Ele felt when I sent her that encouraging message about work on Monday.

Even though I was standing in the pizza store, right in front of the guy who took my order, he actually didn't even bother to tell me it was ready. I could see two boxes of pizza and something which looked like a garlic bread on the trays and had a good guess that it was mine. The girl working in the back must've seen me standing there with my arms crossed and she came to ask me what my order was. She grabbed the stuff I had guessed was mine and gave it to me, plus the drink.

As I was driving back, I stopped at the lights and saw a bunch of skinny ass Asian dudes scurrying across the road to avoid the rain, carrying boxes of Pure Blonde. I don't know why, but there was something unsettling in a disdainful type of way about guys who felt man enough to get drunk but scared of the rain.

I got smashed by the rain as I went from my garage back upstairs. I only had two slices as I wasn't very hungry. I went to sleep, replacing the previous emptiness I felt re Ele, with my brief two night encounters with Cathy.