2nd day in HK - 30/12/14

I started my first full day in HK with a breakfast at McDonald's. I had been looking forward to it - the pasta in the soup. And it was deliiiiish :)

I then went around exploring the neighbouring suburbs, including taking a photo of myself with the Bruce Lee statue as I did last time I was here, with the help of a touristy couple. I first explored by foot, then caught the MTR to close suburbs, and found a basketball court in Mongkok. Whilst in Mongkok, I was taking photos of the markets, when an older man working a stall saw me. He then said to another man (rough translation), "bloody foreigner took a photo of me, will make me look bad" LOL!

Also saw an old lady checking out a stall, and the owner said "look, I'm afraid you'll leave, so I'll reduce the price". When the lady said nothing, the owner said "are you going to buy it or not?" and the lady shook her head, then the owner said "then don't waste my time" lol.

I sat at the basketball court for a bit, reading my Lonely Planet guide on where to go. I decided to check out the big buddha. I caught the subway to Central and then a ferry over to the Lantau island. After the ferry was a 45 minute bus ride. I was standing at first when I didn't realise how long the ride was. I watched as a kid, probably about 10 years old, ran towards the bus after it departed a stop and signalled for it to stop. The driver looked at the kid for a bit before opening the doors. The kid asked if he could get on and the driver said yes. The kid showed his school pass to show he could ride for free.

I just thought it was remarkable that this kid was more extroverted than me. I doubt I would've done what he did at his age, or maybe even my current age.

At the big buddha, I didn't realise that you had to walk up a whole heap of stairs to get to it, but I was there anyway and thought it was good exercise. I imagined myself jogging up those stairs all alone, and thought I could do it.

The big buddha was quite a sight. I have no idea how they built that. I bought some souvenirs and hung around various shops for a while before deciding to leave. I thought it was only one bus service that went up and down, but I was wrong. I caught the wrong bus and ended up on the different side of big buddha. There was dolphin watching, which I wanted to do, but being lost and tired meant I wasn't in the mood. I found my way back but by then I was feeling pretty sick. Not sure if it was anything I ate, or just all the travelling.

When it came time to meet with the group, I felt a bit better. I met with Munmun first at a bar called Malty. We had spoken on the phone and agreed to meet there, but when I walked by, I saw a girl who didn't look like her talking to a guy with a camera tripod. I walked past and then later saw two girls now talking to the tripod guy and figured one of them was Munmun. I got a bit nervous and didn't know how to approach or interrupt their conversation so called Munmun's phone again but she didn't hear it.

So I awkwardly walked around and sat down nearby for a while, feeling a lot like how I used to be many years ago in uni. A while later she returned my call and this time I approached them but again Munmun was away in the bathroom. Turns out the girl was her friend called Michelle, we chatted a bit and then Munmun came out. They spent a bit of time talking to the tripod guy, who seemed a bit weird. I wanted to get out of their and so did they, but he kept standing around.

Eventually he left and then we went to look for Emy. We decided to go to her subway station to make it easier for her. While waiting at the station, we met up with Gary as well, an American living in Korea. He seemed like a nice enough guy.

Later on Emy arrived, and she was very friendly. We walked along the street to find her hostel and then when we did, we waited downstairs for her. After a while she came down with another French girl called Solene. We ended up going to a Chinese restaurant, but it was kinda awkward because Gary, Emy and Solene said they weren't really hungry, yet me and the two other girls were.

Emy would eat, and Solene and Gary said they wouldn't, which was fine. But then they started eating as well. Hmmm.

I wanted to ditch them after dinner as I was tired, but ended up going to Lan Kwai Fong with them to drink outside. I suddenly remembered the place, as library guy and I had been here seven years ago. I recall us sitting in a pub and him gently pushing me to drink my Heineken lol.

We took some group photos and then decided to call it a night. I caught a cab back to the hotel.

The annual Christmas shoot around!

Yesterday was Christmas, and I spent it as usual out on the courts near me shooting around. I got there probably just before 8am, and stayed until about 9:30am, having the courts to myself the whole time.

After some runs with the training ladder, I finished off the threes I started before. As usual, it took a while to warm up, but there were times when I got into the rhythm of things and would hit three or four in a row. That is beauty.

I loved every second of it. I thought about Ray Allen's three against the Spurs last year and tried to imitate his form. I liked it so much that part of me even wished I wasn't going on holidays so I could do this every day during the break. Part of me thought if I had lost all my money then maybe I would be.

After that I went home, had a shower, then played TLOU for a bit before my parents came home, and I spent the afternoon washing the car. Noticed some cracks were starting to appear in the paint on the front lower bumper. Hmmm.

Anyway, gotta go now for the Hunter Valley trip!

The Gift of Flight raffle

Left home at 7am to catch the bus out to the office today, got changed and then went to the city Footlocker. Thought at 7:30am I'd be one of the first ones there, given the raffle would be at 8am, but there was already a crowd of about 20-30 people.

I decided to hang around instead of going away to grab something to eat, which was good because I secured a good position right in front of the store as people started gathering.

The raffle started at a bit after 8am. Although I told myself that I'd be cool if I didn't get it (since I had already gotten the Legend Blues and this would save me from spending $550), I found myself getting slightly agitated as each number called was not mine. What made it worse was that it seemed like the box was hardly shuffled and people were just picking tickets from the top, meaning numbers like 150 and higher. FML. If I do this again, I need to get a ticket somewhere in the middle or last.

To make things worse, towards the end, ticket 24 was drawn, and mine was 25. So it was the guy who got to the store just before me on Sunday. Fuck this shit.

I left, feeling disappointed, like so many others there. But it was fun nonetheless I suppose.

I went back to the office and spent the day half doing work, which was pretty impressive given it was the second last day of work. At 3:45pm I had a TI app with Wendy. I had planned to go to the gym after work but then thoughts of the casino entered my mind. I figured if I played colour/columns I could win back the Legend Blues cost, and plus today was Tuesday, meaning Julie wouldn't be around.

In the end, I gave in. I trekked over, telling myself to just win $300 and leave. I bought $900 worth of $100 chips and started playing. It didn't take long to win $300. I knew I should've left, but I didn't. I also saw Julie, she must've been on a break when I arrived. She was on a $5 table so she was easy to avoid.

I table hopped and was on a bit of a winning streak. It seemed that every time I lost, I'd win it back and more on the next couple of spins. At one table, 19 had come up twice in a row. I walked off and came back to see it had tripled. The dealer saw my expression and I told him I thought about putting it on 19 when it was a double. I was pretty happy just being there (winning helps), and at one point Julie turned and saw me, but I pretended I didn't see her. Though I did at one stage stand at the table behind hers and watch to see if she would look for me. She didn't, but then again, she seemed busy working.

I was up around $1100 then decided to walk around to see if Summer was about. I found her at the sic bo table. Without thinking, I walked up to her. Some guy had just put some cash on the table, and so I decided to wait for her to finish, but before she did, she saw me and said hello. She told me how sic bo was so boring and how she wanted to go back to roulette. I told her sic bo was the first game I played but wasn't very good at it.

She explained the rules to me a bit, and my ego got the better of me as I decided to flaunt a bit and play. I bet $100 on big. It came out triple 4. I thought I won but she explained that any triples negates the small/big bets. WTF. I placed another $100 bet on big and it turned out to be small. I told her this game was too hard and I was going back to roulette. She asked me to take her back with me, and I yelled out "I'll try" as I walked away and she laughed. Seriously, I think she'd be willing to leave her boyfriend for me. Too bad.

I returned to roulette determined to win back the $200 I just lost. Initially it was a bad idea as I lost on the first spin, but I kept playing. Eventually I got lucky and won. I even placed a bet on Julie's table when she wasn't looking. I wanted to see if she could recognise my bet - no one bets colour/columns. It landed on 18 and I won $100 and surreptitiously went to collect my winnings. I doubt she knew it was me. She doesn't seem that cluey.

I decided to leave when I was up $1300. That was a pretty good result, especially when my original goal was only $300. I figured this would pay for the Legend Blues and I would get back $1000 to spend in HK.

Jordan 11's Legend Blue!

Despite sleeping late last night, I found myself waking up at 5:30am, an hour before my alarm. I thought about messaging Daniel to let him know to just get whatever was closest to size 9.5 in case that was sold out, but figured I didn't want to be seen as too annoying. If he's there, he's there, if he isn't, he isn't.

I decided last night to attend the Footlocker in the shopping centre near me instead of the city store. I left home at 7am and arrived just before 7:30am. There were about 15-20 people there. And despite the ticket telling you to arrive at 7:30am, the shop didn't actually open until 8am. By then there was probably around 50 people.

When the staff member came out to run the raffle, I was pretty excited and nervous at the same time. The first guy who got drawn was cheered both when he was drawn and when he came out with the first pair.

About five numbers in, my number was called. I almost couldn't believe it! Me! My ticket! Number 24!

I walked up to the staff member and showed her my ticket and ID, then helped drawing the next one, and whoever it was wasn't in attendance.

I walked into the shop and lined up at the cashier. The guy in front of me was taking a bit longer than usual but I didn't care. I looked around and saw people were still being drawn. The person after me was a girl who I had stood facing whilst waiting for the store to open. The way she did her hair reminded me of Misha.

Anyway, I spotted only one size 9.5 and knew I had it. I wondered if there were any others. After I paid and walked off, I heard the girl ask for a size 10. I wondered if she was after 9.5 (since we were about the same height) and I had gotten it.

I walked out the store feeling a bit nervous, and was messaging the guys on fb as I walked back to my car. I initially thought I'd leave Daniel to deal with the city store and hope he got a pair too, but then decided to call him to see if he needed me to pick him up. He didn't answer, and then my mind started wandering. I pictured him, with his small physique and too nice personality being bullied and pushed around in a large crowd. What had I gotten him into, I wondered. Maybe he was in such a hectic situation he got pissed off and didn't want to talk to me?

I drove out to the city and had a look at the main city store. That was PACKED. There were probably around 200 people there. Fuck, lucky I didn't go there. After I parked, Daniel called back. Turns out he was at the smaller city store. I ran over to him and saw he was waiting with about 20 others for the remaining tickets to be drawn.

He actually smiled and said this was pretty exciting lol. I was glad he liked it. I told him and the guy he was talking to that I had gotten it. I think Daniel then formed the view that if he was drawn he'd keep it for himself. I was cool with that, since I didn't want two pairs anyway.

I went to bring my car closer and then waited with him. Although I had gotten my pair, it was still pretty exciting. In the end, he didn't get drawn, but the guy he had been talking to got one. I then drove Daniel to basketball and then went back home to get my stuff. I drove my parents to Chinksford before going back to the courts.

Basketball was alright, with Nick, Bo and Mike also being there. I didn't play as well as I would've liked, but I guess I was still just floating in the happiness of the Jordan 11's.

After basketball, Nick, Bo, Mike, Daniel and I went to eat at Fox (bumped into DC and his family in their car on the way lol). It was my shout for Daniel since he had done so much work to try to get me the shoes. It was a pretty big favour, and could've easily turned out differently. I just appreciated him trying.

The sit down and talk was great, but the food and service was a bit shit. After that I went home, took some photos of my new babies and then had a nap.

I realised I had gotten what I wanted, and spent some meaningful time with my friends at my favourite basketball court. Life was good.

I think...it's over...(roulette)

Hardly got any work done yesterday because a block away some terrorist was holding the Lindt cafe up with hostages inside. Spent most of the day watching that on tv. It really made me think about gambling and put things into perspective. I had transferred $2000 from my savings account to be taken out for gambling after work, but I was beginning to re-consider. However, the desire to chase back my $1000 loss was too much.

So I went after work. I had a feeling Julie would be there and she was. As soon as I saw her, I avoided her by walking around the back of her to get to the tables on the other side (she was in the first pod). I chose a table in the second pod furthest away from her.

I sat down and noticed that we had a direct line of vision to each other, but if I stood up then the display sign would block our vision, which I did a lot. I tried not to look over or get distracted, but I did notice she turned her back to me a lot. Sometimes it'd be talking to her supervisor or other dealers, sometimes doing nothing. However, there were a few occasions where she looked my way.

I was never up, and was losing slowly. With all that I was feeling, it wasn't the greatest of moods. I realised that roulette had for me come to an end. It now seemed too hard of a game. How could I get it wrong so many times? I am betting 57% of the wheel and yet it lands in the other 43% more often than not. How?

I had conceded defeat, PLUS the feeling of Julie being nearby and everything around reminding me of her had now made the whole casino place seem so dull. I looked around and realised there weren't even many patrons around. It was a depressing place indeed.

I could only withdraw $1600 because I had bought an orange juice with my bank card earlier (actually could've withdrawn $1900 but saw no point in that) so in hindsight that was a blessing. With about $300 left, I messaged the shop and asked who was working and ended up booking for Misha. At that moment, my money would be better well spent on whoring. I played a bit more and managed to get back up to $400 and cashed in and left whilst Julie went on her break.

I left the casino, with absolutely no desire to ever come back and play again. This was it. I was tired of gambling. I was tired of losing money. I was tired of the casino making money off me. I wanted to start afresh. I was ready for it.

But first, I needed to cheer myself up. I caught a taxi to the shop and saw Misha. This was the first time she had seen me in a suit and she was visibly impressed. Our session went as normal, although with a bit of talk about meeting up for dinner or casino (I wasn't serious about the latter). I don't think she'd ever go out with me, but I was just having fun. After all, this was the great Misha every guy seems to fall in love with.

/End Julie

Yesterday we had the office xmas party. Everything went ok, got to sit with people I know (Ross, Kym, Matt, Ben and Taran), and then after the meal had a long talk with Matt about various things like previous work, watches, cars and tanks lol. I did say one stupid thing though, which was admit to putting money into clients' jail accounts when I was a defence lawyer. Hmmm.

I left at about 4pm and went to the casino, figuring I could win $100 or $200. I went to the first table and exchanged $400 into $25 chips and played one spin, before noticing a dealer down a few tables looked like Julie. I had another look and thought it wasn't, but walked down there to check anyway.

Even as I got closer it didn't look like her, but when I saw the face, it was her. She seemed to have seen me when I was at the first table, and also maybe when I was walking over. I was standing about a metre from the table waiting for her to look up, and it took a while to do that. In hindsight, I realised she was deliberately avoiding looking at me. When she finally did, I tried to do the Stephen Chow pose, but didn't get any reaction from her.

I asked her how she was and she seemed to give a dry, one word response. Hmmm. I told her I had booked my trip to HK and she shot back with "good for you". I was like, "geez, at least be happy for me" and she said she was. I asked her how things have been and she said ok. I asked her how her day had been and she said tired.

I joked that I'd get her something from HK, and she quickly and bluntly said "oh we're not allowed to receive gifts". I said something else and she said there was no way of getting it to her. I was getting the hint.

I told her I had spent all of last week xx a drug dealer and told her about how the drug dealer looked a lot older than she was because she used drugs. She asked what drugs, and I said ice (she nodded) and weed. She said weed doesn't age you. I said "you sound like an expert" and she didn't say anything. I reckon she's at least experimented with drugs.

I asked her if she was on day shift now, and she said it's weird because its half half. After she had spun, I said her spin sounded better now and she laughed a bit. I said though it was with her hand and not her left. We somehow got talking about her hands being sore, and I joked that she should sue for workers' compensation and that I knew a good lawyer. She said she was actually on something like that, like restricted duties, where she told them of her shoulder pains so they had her go around trying to sign people up to the member's card.

I asked her what time she finished and she said 8pm. I asked her if she wanted to go for a coffee and she said she couldn't, as she only had two hours sleep. She added "I'm sorry" and I laughed a bit, saying she shouldn't be sorry. I knew it was a rejection, but tried to play it off by saying we could go next time. She didn't say anything and I added "I'll hold you onto it" - dumb.

I moved to the end of the table, and there was an Indian guy playing now. I was up $100 and after standing around awkwardly, said I'd go check out another table. She just nodded. I went to a far away table and thought she looked around for me. I hung around for about five minutes before leaving.

Afterwards I went back to the office to change and was close to crying. I had to meet Jim for gym, so held back, and for the rest of the night pretended everything was ok.

Risking my holiday money

On Friday after work I went to the casino. I had $1600 as my bankroll, and although I was initially up $60 on my first spin, I went down from thereon. When I lost it all, I wanted to chase. I knew I shouldn't have, but I remembered that I had transferred $3000 from my other bank account to my everyday account for the trip to HK.

I ended u withdrawing $2000 from there to try to chase my losses. At first I was actually doing alright. I played colour/columns with $100 chips (once even doing $800 in one spin) and made $1100 back. I knew I should've called it a day and left, but I wanted it all back. This dealer called Alex had spun up 1-2 section like five times in a row, so I figured I'd try to smash that. Funnily enough (well, not too funny for me), when I started playing, it landed in 0-3 twice, so that was $800 gone.

Knowing I was close to losing my HK trip money was too much. I decided to leave with it, recouping only $300 of my loss. The guilt was overwhelming. I pictured myself telling everyone, including Julie, that I just didn't want to go to HK anymore. I pictured myself staying at home over the new year. I pictured myself...as a loser.

The next day, I went to Saturday morning basketball as usual. Afterwards, I went home and had a nap. Then I went out to the gym and then to night basketball with Mike and that. I felt somewhat rejuvenated and re-motivated. I wanted to put gambling behind me. Risking my holiday money was too much for me. I hated the person I had become. But there was one small issue - Julie. How could I see her again if I didn't gamble?

On Sunday I went to the bbq organised by Ele at Coogee beach. Thai was there with his family, I think his kid and wife enjoyed it more than he did. The first thing he said to me was I didn't tell him there'd be other people as well. When his wife was away, he asked if I thought her English was bad after overhearing us talk and her not understanding what I was asking. I tried to play it down, not only because I didn't want to screw up his marriage, but also because I thought about how my life would be like that had I chosen Jin.

His kid really enjoyed kicking the soccer ball, which filled me with joy. I wish I had my own kid to play sports with.

Ele introduced me to a girl called Sherry. She was ok looking I suppose, and presumably single. I spoke to her a bit, but didn't feel anything there.

I also managed to get the suit off Ele, the one her friend had bought using the staff discount. It started raining at around 2pm and so everyone dispersed. I drove Eva and Sherry to the city, then Shuing back home.

I then drove to the office and got about 90 minutes of work done, to prepare for the hearing the next two days.

The hearing went alright. It went shorter than expected. I was going to put all the messages to the witness, but at lunch, the Commish asked if I'd be longer and Wendy said I didn't need to, so that shortened it. I think I did pretty good, but I got a bit upset and argumentative with the witness lol.

Today was a shorter witness, and after it finished I felt so tired but relieved. After work I decided to go to the casino to see if Julie was there. I had $1000 in my bank account and withdrew that. I told myself to get $100 and leave, but ended up being very lucky winning $600.

I walked around and didn't see Julie. But around the card games area, I spotted Summer walking towards the staff only room where they all go for breaks. She said hello to me and I waved. She said she was "there" now and was finished now. I wasn't expecting to see her so all I could manage was "oh good". I thought about asking her for coffee since she had finished, but the fact that she had a boyfriend stopped me, and we said goodbye and parted.

I went back to the office to change, and then went to the gym. Now I'm a bit scared. Summer had said they needed six months before changing games, but here she was now at a new game. Has Julie changed games now? If yes, does that mean I will never be able to see her again? That was a scary and isolating thought.

I miss Julie...

I decided not to see her tonight, for a variety of reasons.

I miss her. I wonder if she'll think of me...

Do I gamble to talk to girls now?

I went to the casino before work today. Surprisingly there was one table that had players on it - an Asian lady and an Asian guy who looked kinda grumpy because he was losing.

The dealer was an Asian guy, and later the NZ guy, and I played carefully even though I didn't have much time. I was never down. The lady smashed 28-29 section and won that a few times, and we just made general chit chat about that. I did follow her on one spin where I had three splits on 28 and it landed on 28. I left with a $560 gain.

I left the casino close to 9am, and so got into the office at 9:30am. Geez I'm bad.

Work was ok, but I got the call today from Forbes saying I was unsuccessful. I was friendly to the guy, and he said some pretty nice things but I took it he said that to everyone else as well. Afterwards I felt like crying. I told Taran and they called him when I was there but he missed the call. He came to my room and we talked about it, and I felt like bursting into tears. When I took the call, I initially felt like maybe I had a chance, and told myself to immediately stop gambling if I got the position. Now that I didn't get it, I felt like I had nothing to live for and was free to waste the rest of my money on gambling.

After work I went to the casino. I actually left the office at 4:30pm because I felt like I had done enough for the day (finished my prep for Wednesday's hearing). When I got there, I walked around the roulette tables and realised Summer was nowhere to be seen. I wondered what happened, and concluded maybe she was just on a break.

Anyway, I found a table closest to the entrance where the dealer seemed to be a newbie Asian guy, and there was one person playing but they left soon after. I lost the first few spins, and just as I thought there was a trend of 1-2 section going on, Summer came over for the shift change. That was a bit annoying because I was sure I could've continued the 1-2 section. Summer greeted me in a friendly tone, and I thought she'd hit the 1-2 section but it landed on 19. She really has a way of not hitting my numbers.

She said something about how every time she sees me she knows it's nearly time to finish work, so that it was good to see me. I wondered for a moment if she was trying to make some subtle hints, despite her having a boyfriend. I changed the topic and told her I had checked out the BNB site she told me about.

So that started us off, and we got talking for pretty much the entirety of her shift, except when there were people nearby playing occasionally. I'd make her laugh at times, which was easy to do as I didn't feel any pressure with her, knowing she had a boyfriend. We managed to not talk about anything person, just travelling, roulette and her work. She again mentioned how she had to do roulette for at least six months before moving onto another game. I mentally contrasted this to Julie saying she had one more month of roulette, even though they both started working there at around the same time.

In terms of playing, I was slowly bleeding chips, despite her hitting me on black/column a few times, at other times she managed to always miss whatever I was betting on. However, I realised something - I wasn't too fussed about losing. I actually enjoyed talking to her. I enjoyed...the attention. I found her attractive, but had no intentions of making any moves, even if she didn't have a boyfriend. At times I'd think about Julie and smile a bit. But overall, I realised I was there to talk to someone. And it was a costly exercise.

I managed to survive her shift with the last of my $200, and then lost it with the next dealer. It's so funny how it just always manages to miss my section when I'm the only one at the table.

So I'm currently down $5900 for the month. Is this the price to pay for loneliness?

Being a father for an hour

I met up with Ele at lunch today to sign her new baby's passport application for her. We met at the department store next to me, and I wasn't sure if she just wanted me to sign and piss off or if she wanted to hang for a bit. We ended up going inside, and it was then that I had my first father experience.

The pram couldn't go up the stairs, so we had to wait for the disabled platform thing to lower and raise the pram up. This was like...so different to me just walking into a store and doing whatever the hell I wanted.

We went up to the children's toys level where she sat down and I signed the paper work on the pram, with her holding the baby Alyssa. We then went to a cafeteria a few floors down, and again the 'father' experience occurred. Because of the pram, we couldn't just take any lift. We needed one with enough room for the pram, which was difficult because almost every single one had a woman with a pram.

At the cafeteria, shortly after sitting down she had to go feed the baby, so I sat there for the next 15 minutes playing on my phone. When she returned, we talked about random stuff, but then she focused on property buying. I even took some photos with the baby.

She said she wanted to go to the post office and asked me where it was. She asked me if I had time to take her, and even though I didn't really, I said yes as I felt a bit sorry for her having to push a pram all by herself through the city. I seriously don't know how mothers do it.

I took her to the post office and thought about just dumping her there, but ended up staying. She thought she had to post the application but turned out she could just submit it there, which took a while. All this time I was swaying the pram back and forth for the baby and trying to entertain it by making funny faces. I wonder if people thought I was the father, or did I seem too distant?

The baby did a poo and then Ele said she had to take it to the bathroom to change the nappies, so walked her back to the shopping centre where we parted. So, that was my hour and a bit of being a father. I kinda liked it.

After work I went to the casino. Plan was to win $200 and go. I walked around not seeing the ideal table, and then chose one facing the entrance as there was one guy playing. The dealer was an Australian girl called Bella. I recall talking to her when she first started working there, but I wasn't in a mood to strike a conversation. Just when I started, I noticed Summer had left her table, and figured she would be at my table next. I was right.

She greeted me when she came back from her break. I joked with Bella for one more spin, and then said "nah I was joking" and they both laughed. I did talk with Summer for a bit, about the protests in HK, and she suggested I look for accommodation using the site BNB.

Also found out she was 30. We talked about going to the Hunter Valley before, so I told her I was going there later this month. She said she just came back from there. After asking her what was there to do up there, I decided to be a bit brave and find out if she had a boyfriend. Not that I was too interested in her, but we did seem to have a bit in common and I wondered if her laughing at all my jokes was a sign.

So I asked if she went with a group of friends. I detected a bit of hesitation, and she was like "actually I went with my boyfriend".

AHA!

Through my careful elicitation questions, I had found out. I never really had a crush on her, but she did seem to be the next most attractive one apart from Julie, so I barely reacted and acted like it was nothing and continued talking to her. After a bit, the floor supervisor came over and asked her "are you alright? You alright?" which I took to mean "stop talking and spin the fucking wheel". I asked if I was getting her into trouble and she said no, and genuinely didn't seem to mind. What an asshole.

In terms of gambling, I was slowly bleeding chips. I hung around for an extremely long time, going through her, a dealer called David, then the tall good looking guy called Conrad, and then a blonde lady I had never seen before. I was trying to see her name badge but I think she thought I was looking at her breasts. By now I had dwindled down to my last chips. I was only ever up $20 in my entire session.

With $400 left, I had resigned to the fact that today was not my day. I kept telling myself to cut my losses and leave. I thought about Julie. I ended up losing another $200 before leaving with $200. That was an improvement, right? Normally I would've lost it all.

When David was dealing, a guy who always plays tiers came over and tried to smash it. He said something about having lost $10,000 upstairs, after being up $5,000. He also said something like "if you hit my numbers, I know where you guys drink". I immediately pictured Julie going to a pub with her work mates, and wondered if anyone would try to hit on her. I wondered if she treated me as a customer or something more. Would her colleagues talk dismissively about gamblers? If so, would she think I was different?

Asked her out!

Woke up today and skipped the plan to work out at the courts, figuring yesterday's two training sessions warranted some rest on my (old?) legs. I left home at about noon and caught the bus out to the city for the Team Mary lunch. I was running a bit late so ended up catching a taxi in the city, which was only a bit of help as there were road blocks everywhere and the driver dropped me off about a five minute walk from the hotel.

When I got there, everyone was already there - Ogre, Moira, Clare and Mary. It was a really nice venue, with an open view to the water allowing a cool breeze inside, but at the same time, you just knew it was one of those really expensive but small servings meals types of places.

Everything went ok I thought, but I was a bit embarrassed about what happened with dessert. I ordered something with berries, and when one with berries came along, I said it was mine and Moira put her hand up for it too. It was given to her, and I thought, fine because girls should have it first. But when mine came, it was different, and everyone was like "I thought you ordered the same as Moira's" and I realised I didn't, but they insisted on letting the waitress know. When the waitress came, she was adamant she got my order right, and I said not to worry about it. So everyone thought I was either a dumb fuck for not knowing my dessert, or a weak dumb fuck for not insisting on my order.

Just before I left home, I thought about the possibility that this would be a present giving event, and if it was, I'd be dead because I didn't get anyone anything. Turns out Mary got everyone a present and so did Ogre. Lucky Moira and Clare didn't.

When we parted near Circular Quay, it was a bit awkward, because I just waved bye to Clare and Moira, but Mary and Ogre offered a hug. Hmmm. I'm always so bad at these things.

Anyway, I caught the bus home, then drove to get some groceries for my weekly lunch. I took them home, then went to the cinema to watch Fury at 6:20pm. I figured going to the casino after the movie was a good time to see Julie.

The movie was actually pretty good. I thought they spent a bit too long on the scene where they were at the house with the two ladies, but I really loved the end fighting scene, and how the movie finished.

Surprisingly, the movie went on for about two hours, which was good, because it meant I wouldn't get to the casino right at 8pm making me look too eager.

I got to the casino probably around 9pm-ish. When I went there, I scanned the roulette tables and was a bit disappointed at first because I couldn't see her. Then I spotted her and realised why I couldn't see her - she had changed her hair style. She no longer had the fringes, but now her hair was straightened for a simpler look.

I really needed to use the bathroom, and there were people at her table, so I went to use the bathroom first. I thought of a perfect line on approach: I'd walk up to her and ask "excuse me, I'm looking for Julie" and then pretend to be shocked at her new look.

After using the toilet, I went to buy in eight $100 chips, and there were still people at her table, so I went to the one diagonally behind her. The dealer was Ben, I bought some colour chips and started playing. I wasn't sure if Julie ever saw me when she turned around at times, but there was never any eye contact.

For the most part, I decided to wait until she changed to my table, whenever that would be. Once or twice, it seemed her table would be empty and I thought about quickly going over, but it was lucky I didn't because it soon got packed again. I told myself to be patient.

I was down at first, but noticed Benjamin was hitting a lot of 0-3 sections, so on one bet I mini-smashed that section and it landed on 32 where I had four splits. I was up, and decided not to lose it all. At least before Julie came over anyway.

Ben seemed interested in my work, asking me what time I started tomorrow, what time I planned to leave etc. Hmmm.

The first shift change in the pod was at the table next to mine. After that, the next one took Julie off her table. I wondered if she'd come to my table or the one in front of me. Later on I saw she had come to my table. I didn't know how to greet her, and she didn't seem to make any eye contact at first, but then we made eye contact with a bit of a nod.

Benjamin made some remark about leaving, and I jokingly gestured like "what are you doing?" as if to indicate he was doing well for me, and he said something about me winning. Julie asked me "is that all your winnings?" pointing to my chips and I said yeah.

I told her I watched Fury and asked if she had seen it and she said no. I was a bit disappointed with her short answer, and my insecurities made me feel depressed, but then she added that she had seen Interstellar. I asked her if it was good and she said yes. I asked if it was like Gravity and she said kinda. I asked her who was in it and she was trying to remember the guy's name until I asked if it was Matthew McConaughey, and she said yes. I said he was in Wolf of Wall Street and asked if she saw that and she said yes. I said he was funny, and started beating my chest like he did in the movie lol. I added that I had read the book.

At times she would speak to her supervisor, a short Asian guy called Bao or something. It made me feel or realise that maybe she wasn't interested. But I told myself to be content to be there, and also, he was her supervisor, so she couldn't exactly ignore him if he wanted to talk

I asked her when she returns to day shifts, and I can't recall her exact answer, but it seemed like she didn't know, although she did say she wanted day shifts.

I asked her if she liked working with animals, and she said not really. I asked if she liked working with children and she said yes. I said the childcare area was booming and she said she knew. Some guy at the table joked that she was working with animals here everyday, and we both laughed. I told her I had a friend who has a toddler and needed to book a year in advance for day care, and she gave a surprised look.

I told her I had my interview and she asked how that went. I was kinda waiting for her to ask me about it but oh well. I told her it went ok but it was a bit intimidating because there were six barristers, when normally there are only three. She asked if I thought I got it and I said only time will tell. I told her it seemed like a good place because they didn't care about where I'd get my work from as they seemed to have enough work, whereas others would always ask me where I'd get my work from.

I also added that someone who I studied with said you'd only need to work two hours a day to make six figures. Further, I said that it was a bit ridiculous because someone with no experience who suddenly passes the exams can charge $250/hour.

I asked her if she had any more thoughts on studying law. She said it was just a thought and she only asked previously because someone working there was studying law to be an immigration lawyer. I said I encouraged her to study law but not to be a lawyer. She asked me why, and I said we were leading all professions in terms of suicide rates, depression rates, and relationship breakdown rates. She said she thought it was dentists and I said we took over. She said something about dentists looking into a hole all day.

I asked her how her work was going and if she was settling in. She made a face like she wasn't really enjoying it. She said she wasn't used to people swearing at her for no reason, and I joked "no reason? You're not hitting their numbers" and she laughed, saying she couldn't control that. She also added "supervisors". I whispered I didn't think this job was right for her. She mentioned something about being too dumb, and I said she wasn't dumb. She said she didn't mean "too dumb", and I said I try to read people and I can see that she just needs a bit more confidence and a bit of a spark. I said she just needed something to be passionate about. She looked at me with a bit of sparkle in her eyes. I think she enjoyed these types of comments more than my compliments on her appearance.

I mentioned something about Brad Pitt saying in Fury that he thought he had the best job in the world, and that was how she needed to feel. She asked if I felt that way about my job and I said I did.

I said a government job would be perfect for her, as it was stable, good pay and no stress. She said she didn't think so lol. I asked if she had thought about working for [the agency that can't be named] and she said she didn't know what it was. I said it was basically being a spy and that it'd be good for her because no one would ever suspect her.

We talked about gambling as well when I mentioned studying law. I said it was good because it teaches you to think logically, and it was helpful in casinos because so many people think emotionally. She seemed to agree with this point. I mentioned something about chasing losses being an emotional reaction, and she agreed. She said (I think on two separate occasions) that it was good that I wasn't an emotional gambler. I mentioned that I had a reason for gambling but it was another story for another day.

She asked me why I wanted to go to the bar anyway, and I told her my story about initially being on a one year contract when I sat the bar exams. Somehow we got to her talking about a Korean barrister. I asked who and she said there was only one. I thought about it and then asked if it was [insert his name] and she was like "huh? How do you know him?" and I explained that I had worked with a lady from his chambers when I was junior.

She said he was a good family friend and used to love them when she was young. She said she hasn't seen him for a long time and he probably still thinks of her as a 13 year old girl. I felt like we had bonded over this, as now I wasn't just some random gambler who was purportedly a lawyer; I was someone who was in some way connected to her, and that supported my story.

I asked if she knew Rebecca and she said she did, but we couldn't confirm if we were talking about the same one. She asked me if Rebecca had married a white guy, and I said I didn't know, that I hadn't checked on her on fb for a while. I said "that reminds me..." and she gave me a blank look. I said I was still waiting on her to add me on fb. She said she doesn't use it much.

Should I believe her? Hmmm, well she does seem to be using the same profile picture from like five months ago.

She asked me if the bartender job was still vacant and if it was at the Hilton. I said it wasn't a specific vacancy as such, but my friend worked at the Hilton and still had connections there so he could pass on her resume. She said it was probably too late, and I asked her what she meant. She said no one would be hiring in December and I said you never know, and that there was no harm in trying.

I relayed a story about meeting a guy one day and we got chatting, and he told me he had lost a few thousand, so when he won a bit back I tried to get him away by offering to buy him a drink, but then he wanted one more spin before we went and then he lost. She asked me why I would do that and I said he seemed like a nice guy. I did add that if I had pulled him away and it landed on his number then he'd be angry with me, and she agreed.

I thought about asking her out, and figured doing it on exit would be good. I had to wait until some random guy lost his money and left. I bet black/third column and it landed on 7. I had previously lost once or twice like that with her (one time she said "you just lost $80 lol), so I said she was sending me broke and I wanted to cash in ($1210 with a $410 gain). She asked me how much I started with and I joked $5000 but I don't think she got it. She said she hoped she didn't get it wrong, and I said she better not short change me. When she laid out a $10 chip with two $100 chips, I was like "awwww" and she wondered if she was wrong, before grabbing a $1000 chip for me as well.

After her supervisor approved it and went the fuck away, I said "hey we should go get a coffee when you return to day shift after one of your shifts". She nodded without saying anything, and I said "have a good night" and she said "you too".

Now, the nod - I'm not too sure. I went away with a positive feeling, but there's a good chance she was just doing as a friendly way of saying no. She did the same when I initially asked her to add me on fb, so hmmm.