More time with Joanna

Friday
On Friday I had organised to meet with Joanna. After work I went home, got changed and drove out. As I'm driving, she messages me saying she can't make dinner and wants to meet later. She asked me to eat by myself. I told her I was already on the way, but she didn't budge. She didn't even give me a reason. My first thought was that she was seeing a "customer", so I got pissed.

I didn't reply. I knew in the back of my mind that she would continue doing this kinda stuff. I was near the casino so turned back and went there. There were some road blocks which basically forced everyone into the casino car park. Now not only did I have to try to win some money, I faced the prospect of losing AND paying the goddamn parking ticket as well.

I hate going on Friday nights, but I was mad and sad at the same time. I found a table near the end and started playing. I was down a bit but managed to come back up with a $300 gain. I decided that was good enough and cashed out. I looked around and realised that even though there were people at the casino, not many were actually playing - roulette anyway.

When I left I checked the phone and saw she had sent some messages and tried to call me. She had asked if I was angry. I asked where she was and she said in a restaurant in Burwood, and she sent me a photo of it. I wondered what she was doing at a restaurant, was she there with her friends? Did she want me to meet her friends?

I was of the understanding that she wanted me to pick her up, so when I got there I called and she said she wanted me to go in. My mind was racing as I was picturing her with a group of friends, and I didn't know what to talk about. How did we meet, someone would ask.

When I went in, as soon as she heard the door open she turned around and smiled. She was alone. I took a seat and she said she had arrived moments earlier. She had already ordered. I know it sounds strange, but this was probably the first time that I had a proper look at her face. She was actually rather good looking. Or was she just growing on me?

She told me she couldn't come to dinner because she got called away to work at the casino. Not sure how the timeline of that worked, but whatever.

We ate some slightly spicy food, she said she likes seafood but not like lobster or abalone. She seemed to like the fish a lot. I liked the lamb chops.

I noticed her constantly looking at my lips as we talked. Was she wanting to kiss, or was something on my lips?

She seemed more talkative than usual, telling me that she has a habit of eating and chewing tea leaves, which started when she was young. Her father tried to stop her but she never listened.

As we stood up after paying, she asked "so does this mean we are dating?" (in Cantonese) and I said "if not then we share the bill".

I suggested going to see Vivid and she agreed. It was raining so she opened her umbrella, and I held the take away stuff for her. She said she got the umbrella for free from the casino and asked if I wanted one. I said yes. She was walking close to me and I felt like holding her hand but didn't. When we got to my car I held the umbrella open for her as she got in.

I then drove us out to the city She said she wanted something from Meet Fresh but I couldn't find a parking spot so she said to forget it. I then suggested just dropping her off and picking her up after, which we did.

We then went to Mrs Macquarie's Point to try to see Vivid but it seemed like everything had turned off, so I drove her home. I wasn't sure if she wanted me to stay over for the night, so I did a u-turn and stopped in front of her place to drop her off. Maybe she wasn't sure either. She did seem to give me a bit of a look just before she got out of the car.

Saturday
In the morning I went to the shopping centre neat me to raffle for the Jordan 11 black/red lows. I didn't get called, but in the end most people had left so the ones remaining were allowed to buy the kids sizes. I bought a pair of the smallest size and decided to give them to either Thai or Dunnycan. They were soooo cute lol.

Joanna messaged me and we arranged to meet for breakfast. So I went home to have a shower and then picked her up. We ended up going to a cafe in Newtown for breakfast. While eating, she showed me the court documents relating to her being assaulted by her ex-boyfriend. According to the facts, she was trapped in his room for seven hours while he wavered between hitting her and apologising. Finally she said she was hungry and suggested going to get something to eat, then when they were near a restaurant she ran away and caught a taxi.

The breakfasts we ordered were really big, and neither of us finished it. She did drink a lot though, having a hot chocolate, a strawberry shake and then tea.

Afterwards we walked on the street and I said I wanted to check out the tofu ice cream she pointed out earlier. As we walked I grabbed her hand and held it. She didn't flinch, but didn't really seem to "embrace" it either. We held hands for a while and then I let go at the traffic lights.

We went back to my car after seeing the ice cream, and moments after I drove off, she said she left the documents at the cafe. I said we would go back to pick it up, so I maneuvered through some small streets to return to the cafe. As I was driving, she said I had a good temper. Maybe she was expecting me to get angry at having to drive back. I told her in my 20 something years of basketball I had only gotten into two near fights.

I parked near the cafe and she went out to the cafe, and luckily she managed to get the documents back. I then drove her back home.

I went back home then drove out to the office to work on the report. I managed to finish it and then went to the casino where I won $400 and left.

I caught a taxi home and then changed to go out to basketball. I felt a bit rusty, but otherwise ok. Afterwards I didn't go out to eat with the guys, but instead went home to shower and change, then went to spend the night at Joanna's.

I stopped by the Meet Fresh near her place first to get her some dessert (she likes the hot taro one). When I got there I gave it to her, but she looked like she was too sleepy to do anything. I went to the bathroom first and then when I went into her room she was already back in bed sleeping.

I didn't sleep very well, maybe because I was horny, or maybe because it was an unfamiliar bed. Or maybe I just wasn't used to sharing a bed with someone.

In the morning, we talked a bit. She got really shy and said she had something to ask me. I was pretty sure I knew what it was. She told me she had lent her friend $100,000 and it will be paid back, but she wants to do Foundation studies which costs $8000 a semester, and she asked if she could borrow $5000 from me for it.

I knew it.

I said yes, but deep inside I wasn't sure. I reminded her of what happened to me previously, and she said she had been beat up by her ex-boyfriend too.

Afterwards she suggested sex, and I jokingly asked "what so no sex if I had said no?"

It was probably a bad idea to have sex because it made me tired for the rest of the day.

Sunday
We went to Macquarie for ice skating so had breakfast there too. She suggested PappaRich but we had to wait about half an hour for it to open, so she said she wanted to get some fruits. We went to a fruit market inside the shopping centre where she did a bit of shopping. There were lots of things she said she wanted but refrained because she didn't want to get fat.

After that we went to Bread Top where she got some bread. Of course, I paid for everything. Not that I cared too much, since I had won some money from the casino.

Eventually we had breakfast at PappaRich and I was really surprised by how good the food was. I was looking up on my mobile for ways to get into uni without doing Foundation and which could use HECS. I told her of Open Universities and she said she had already tried looking into it and asked me to not look. Hmmm.

After we finished eating we went to ice skating. She really doesn't like the cold so that wasn't a good start, but she was still willing to give it a go. She seemed more interested in watching some of the more competent people skate.

We changed into our skates and had a go. I think my body forgot how to skate as I was really wobbly at first. She kept clinging to the side and barely moved lol. After a while it started coming back and I managed to skate around the rink a few times without holding onto the sides. She stayed in the same spot and it took me a lot of effort to get her to just pass the open gate area. She managed to do like a quarter of the rink and then said she wanted to leave lol.

She wanted to eat the fruit salad in the car and so while I was driving her back she would feed me a piece of fruit from time to time lol.

I dropped her off at home and then went back home to change for Coco's birthday dinner.

G picked me up and I was totally exhausted. I was glad I wasn't driving. We picked up the birthday cake from the city, which I paid and ordered for. Then we went to pick Coco up and she said she was running late so we stopped at a Macca's so I could get something to eat as I was starving.

Even when we got to Coco's place we still had to wait like half an hour. Bloody hell.

Eventually she came down and we went to pick her friend Sarah up in Glebe. After that we went to Fox for dinner at the Chinese restaurant. The food was ok, but the prawn crackers was a bit soft, and the service seemed a bit amateur-ish.

Coco really seemed to like the cake, and I like how they played the happy birthday song when the cake was brought out lol.

After dinner we went to the stand up comedy show, where we watched Matt Okine. He was really funny, much better than the guy I saw with Fat Pat. I yawned a few times but only because I was extremely tired, but otherwise he was really good.

After that Coco suggested going home, which I was more than happy to do. We dropped Sarah off first, then Coco, then G dropped me off home.

You want to date a casino dealer? You got it!

So for the last few days, I have been thinking about seeing that girl Biscuit who I saw a year or two ago, as I recently messaged her and semi-promised I'd go, even though she was asking for $1500 overnight, which was the big barrier.

Finally last night I bit the bullet and messaged her. I kinda pulled out at first saying I didn't have the money in my bank account then changed my mind and said I found cash elsewhere. So we agreed to meet and turns out she moved to Burwood, and she gave me the address.

I got changed and drove out there, waited a long time outside her place, I think I could see through her window and saw her topless at one stage. After a while she came out, I could barely recognise her. Her breasts seemed larger, she dressed a bit more like a skank, and she was wearing more make up.

She didn't want to hang around Burwood so we went for a drive out to the city. We did our catching up while in the car, she told me she had met a guy who beat her up and is going to court for it. At first I thought this was just some minor push and shove, but when she showed me the photos of her injuries, I was truly shocked. She had big purple bruises ALL OVER her body! What the fuck? I asked her who the hell she met, and she said some Chinese fob, and they had an argument over money.

She also said she had to move because of him, hence why she was in Burwood now, and that she had been there only for about two weeks as she had been living at a friend's place before.

She also told me that she was working part time as a casino dealer now.

Are you fucking serious?? Do you have a past life intertwined with the casino or something? What the fuck is it with you and casinos? Is it your destiny??

Anyway, we ended up in Chinatown. As we walked I told her I was planning to go to Thailand next month and invited her to come along. She actually seemed interested but suggested Japan.

We went to Meet Fresh and I was like, wtf we just left Burwood where there was a Meet Fresh lol. Anyway, we had dessert in there, I showed her my HK photos and told her about my trip. She seemed intent on telling me this story about the guy who beat her up.

We semi-shared  a dessert as she was going to take hers home but she started eating a bit of it there.

After a while we left and drove back to her place. I was playing Korean songs in my car and she kept changing tracks to find one she liked. She reminded me a bit like Coco.

She asked me what my name and number was and I gave it to her, even though I was reluctant to give her my last name but she asked for it. I asked what her name was and she said Joanna thought it sounded like "Jo-hanna".

When we got to her door she told me her landlord was home even though he wasn't supposed to be, and this is despite telling me earlier that she lived by herself. Then when I went in I saw an Asian couple sitting at a table eating their dinner. I awkwardly gave them a light smile as I walked past and into her room.

The room was extremely small, even smaller than my own bedroom. There was a small mattress on the floor, a couple of opened suitcases with clothes splashed out everywhere, and a small desk for her laptop. I said I needed to go to the toilet but would wait until the people outside were finished, so we sat in her room talking. She was watching a catwalk video and I later tried to show her some funny videos on youtube but she wasn't interested.

She asked me to look up trips to Japan which I did and we looked at some of those together.

Eventually I went out to use the bathroom and then returned. She asked me to turn the light off which I did. I took my clothes off apart from my underwear and got onto her mattress. She put on this ninja looking pajamas and got in. I started feeling her chest but she pushed my hand away. I tried again and she did the same. I began wondering if our agreement was to pay $1500 for me to just literally sleep with her.

When I tried a third time, she opened up and started taking her clothes off. She sat up and I took my underwear off. She grabbed my penis and said "let's try it".

Try what? Sex? Isn't that why we're here?

I was like "try what?" and she said (and this is all in Cantonese remember) "be together". I was like...ok...and said I thought she may have been concerned about my age but she said she wasn't.

So we had sex, and I slept rather uneasily throughout the night, mainly due to how cramped it was, but in the back of my mind I kept wondering, do I have a girlfriend now?

I was woken up by my own alarm clock. I turned it off and got back into bed. She later asked if I had to go to work and I said yes and got up to change. She was watching me change, and just before I left, we sorta touched hands and I said I'd message her later.

I went to the casino tonight (lost $1000) and after the dealer shift there was an Asian girl who came over. She was mildly attractive, but her eyelash make up was a bit too much. I kept looking at her, feeling some sort of weird attraction even though I didn't think she was particularly good looking. Yet I was attracted to her. What?

Maybe even more so than Joanna...

But I hadn't seen Joanna in uniform. Maybe if I did I would like her more? What is wrong with me? Why am I attracted to a girl's job???

Stay calm and...keep gambling?

Woke up at 5am today to drive my parents to the airport. I am glad I bought my mum the ticket against her will. I knew I had done the right thing. I didn't hear from them from then on so figured they managed to check in at least.

At lunch today I went to see the physio Emma. She gave me a massage on the soles of my feet for my plantar fasciitis. It was both painful and enjoyable at the same time. Then she had me lay on my tummy as she gave my left calf muscle another massage to loosen it.

We talked a lot more this time. She seemed kinda interested in my work, reiterating excessive force twice, which made me wonder if she had any personal experience. We talked about her work too. I began to think maybe she was cracking onto me, then she mentioned her boyfriend. Meh.

After work I went to the casino. I could only withdraw $1800 as I had used my card earlier to pay for the physio. I figured that was good enough.

There weren't too many people at the roulette tables. I wanted to find one where someone was playing, but two were crowded and the rest were empty. Then I spotted a guy playing at the very end table. He didn't have many chips left and I hoped he wouldn't lose any time soon.

I bought in $800 worth of colour. The dealer was a very sour looking fat lady called Stephanie. I didn't get a very good vibe about her. I started losing from my very first bet. It got quite frustrating because when I bet sections, it would land just outside of it. Then when I switched to colour/columns, it hit right in the middle of a losing number between two winning numbers. I even lost on a bet where I had 30 numbers covered. I had to throw out my $1000 chip to buy more in.

I was starting to lose it emotionally. I could feel it piling up inside me. Was tonight the night that my streak would end? I guess it had to end sometime.

Alright, that was it. I determined that it wasn't my night...at that table. I cashed in the $600 I had left and played colour/column on other tables with $100 chips. I was up to $800 before going back down to $600.

Then I spotted one of the tables had been going on a 0-3 streak of four spins. I decided now was the time. I coloured in at the table and bet on 1-2 sector. I lost, but on the next spin I won. But I was only up $680 now. I saw that the dealer kept spinning up 0-3 (maybe for that Asian girl he seemed to like) so I went along with it, and slowly made my way up to $1000.

I finally sat down and thought I was back in it. I told myself to be patient, betting a lot of outside bets and winning $20 at a time. I was determined to crawl my way back into this.

When there was eventually a dealer change, the new dealer hit a lot of 1-2 sectors. I made the most of it, and despite a few losses, got up to $1400. I needed one more big hit. I went down, then hit 23 where I had like three straight ups and two splits. I went back down a bit then it landed on 25 where I had three straight ups.

I was now up to $1880. I won $20 and got the fuck out of there. That was a bit too close. I was happy to leave with a $100 gain. That was enough for the name change fee on my mum's flight ticket and to buy my sister dinner tonight.

I called my dad tonight who said he was in the hotel. We had a bit of a chat, but I thought, what the fuck, they should be out! lol

Breaking the news to the others

On Wednesday I stayed back at work a bit to work on that report. Afterwards I went to the gym. I was wondering whether Jim would be there as he told me previously that he would go on week nights. Sure enough, as I was walking in, he was walking out.

He ended up staying with me while I worked out, and then we had dinner after. I was planning to eat at home but then figured my dad wasn't home anyway. He was good, because I was tempted to eat KFC and his presence made me feel guilty, so we went for the ramen place behind KFC.

Tempted to try a blue ice cream place nearby but in the end we didn't, We both agreed it wasn't a "Wednesday night thing" lol.

On Thursday after work I went to the casino. When I got there the tables were either packed or empty, so I stood at one watching. After a few minutes, I saw Julie come to the next table to start her shift. It wasn't too awkward, but then the one next to hers (not joined) had a space become free, so I took the opportunity and went. In hindsight she probably thought I chose it so I would be in her line of sight.

The dealer was a girl who had a very boy-ish hairstyle. I felt a bit of pressure not to lose. Would've been pretty humiliating to lose in front of Julie. As I played, I would sometimes glance over. She looked in my direction too, but never made eye contact. I admired her, but I no longer felt infatuated with her. She looked a bit worn out. Guess the job can do it to you. I started seeing things in perspective, realising how dumb it was to go to the casino just to talk to her. It seems so long ago now, lol.

Anyway, I was doing ok at my table. The dealer seemed to be hitting a good variation of 0-3 and 1-2, so I decided to take the plunge and go with the 0-3 sector. I lost on the first one and then piled a bit on the next spin. It landed on 9. I thought I had two splits and a straight up but when I looked closely I realised I had three splits and a straight up.

So I was up by about $600. I tried to crawl my way up to $700 but it didn't work. There was a dealer change, and it was a jolly fat NZ guy. I started losing on a bit of a streak and wondered why the fuck I kept gambling, but luckily got a few lucky spins and came back to my $600 gain. In the end, I left with $640.

Have I ever mentioned that there's a rather hot chick at the cashier window? She looks Vietnamese and pretty sure she is, given her name badge says My. I've seen her there many times but that was back then when I was still infatuated with Julie. I went to her window and gave her a bit of a gangster nod as I handed over my chips. I would totally go for her, but there's no way I'd ever make it to getting her number.

On Friday night I met up with the high school boys for dinner. I went home, got ready then picked Malay up, finally gave him the present I got for him from HK, then picked Brain up. We drove to Stratty to pick Thai up and then introduced them to Pine Inn. They found the servings to be too big lol. I found Malay a bit annoying as he turned eating into a competition, basically bragging about how much he ate, as if it was a good thing. I just can't stand that it's just a phase for him - before it was running, then it was weight lifting, then chilli, and now eating.

Anyway, I told them that Shuing had cancer, which was a shock to Thai and Brain (Malay already knew from Shuing's whatsapp message). We all talked about it throughout the meal, guess no one really knew what to say, though Thai did share my sentiment that Shuing just never really seemed happy or to enjoy life, and maybe that had something to do with it.

Afterwards we went to Burwood for coffees, though I just had an ice cream. I've begun to despise this type of going out. Don't get me wrong, I like to hang out with my friends, but just this constant habit of going for a coffee or dessert after dinner is not doing my diet any good (though I am still abstaining from soft drinks - past 30 days now).

We didn't talk much about Shuing here, just the guys talking about video games mainly.

On Saturday I was planning to go to morning basketball but when I woke up at 6am and heard rain, I went back to sleep. I woke up at 9:30am and saw that it was sunny, grrrr.

I later went into the office to get some work done, but not long after G called and said Shuing was up for meeting so I went along with it. I did a bit more work and then went home where G picked me up.

We went to Shuing's place and knocked on the door. There was no answer and we stood there for like five minutes before calling him. I told him we were outside and we waited another 10 minutes before he came to the door. His face was yellow and there were stitches on his left eyebrow. G asked him what happened and he said that was from the fall.

We stood there for a bit, and I could sense Shuing was in a grumpy mood. G did a good thing and brought him a bubble tea drink but I think Shuing was about to blast him about buying him a cold drink and then changed his mind.

We went for a walk around the block and through the park. I tried my best not to agitate him, though I think G managed to do it a few times. G had good intentions and was just trying to make conversation, but Shuing was his usual condescending self, though neither of us said anything because of the circumstances.

I just asked more sensible questions and tried to stay silent at times to let Shuing initiate talk. He said he had chronic myeloid leukaemia, which was different to what Colin had. He kept talking about the odds of getting it, and being sarcastic saying how lucky he was. He also seemed to express some sort of spiced up envy of Colin having a sibling who donated their bone marrow for him, whereas Shuing was an only child.

He said he will go into hospital on Tuesday to begin treatment. He said he was thinking of stopping work, which I thought was the right thing to do. We ended up sitting in G's car talking, and it came to a bit of an awkward topic - G was half joking but Shuing was serious when he said he wanted to have his sperm frozen. It made me question whether the ultimate meaning of life was to reproduce? And if so, what was I doing in my life to progress that goal?

Shuing's parents arrived home and they came over to exchange a few words, with his mother saying "courage". I ended our meet up shortly after that as I had to get to basketball.

G drove me home and I got changed. I left 45 minutes before I was supposed to pick up Daniel as I didn't want to be late again. But the traffic was really fucked and I was like 10 minutes late lol. Lucky he's a nice dude.

Basketball was good, had a good run, didn't really plan on scoring but at times was extra motivated to stop Kevin just to teach him some humility. I got my point when he was dribbling and ready to do a cross over and I poked it away and we both chased it into the back court. I could've dived for it but thought it was just practice, so he ended up getting it.

Towards the end I started getting warmed up as I hit two shots in a row.

Afterwards Daniel, Mark, Kevin and I went to eat in Eastwood.

Today I went into the office, got more work done than yesterday. Then I went to the gym and had a nice proper work out, including the stretches the physio showed me. The gym was so empty on the weekend, it was like a temple. I really enjoyed it.

I was supposed to go to a movie with Mark and Daniel, but when I confirmed, Mark said he could only make the 9:30pm session of Mad Max instead of 6pm of Age of Adaline, so that was the end of that.

Shuing has cancer

I was mentally battling back and forth throughout the day as to whether I should go to the casino after work. I had pretty much decided that I'd rather go to the gym to do those exercises the physio showed me, but then at lunch I ended up going to the gym to do them. Unbelievably, the pain in my achilles has disappeared when I get up from my seat at work. How could a quick massage work such wonders?

Anyway, that meant I went to the casino after work. I saw it as just going there to exchange my $1000 chip for cash with the goal of winning just a little bit, maybe $20 or $30 and then leaving.

I looked around for the old man I saw the night before but didn't see him. I settled on a table where one Asian guy was playing. He reminded me of Ash. The dealer was a middle aged Asian guy I had never seen before.

I had patience and played sporadically, sometimes outside bets, sometimes sections. I went through a few dealers and kept an eye on the slightly attractive Asian dealer on the next table, wondering when she would shift over.

I slowly made my way up to a $400 gain. I was watching the Asian guy bet and he was pretty lucky overall. This dealer with a sad face spun up a lot of 0-3 sections to benefit the Asian guy. It got to a point where I thought I should start betting that sector.

Then there was a dealer change and I thought the Asian girl would come over, but instead, she went over to the $5 table opposite and that dealer swapped over to my table. That usually doesn't happen and I wondered why. Anyway, the dealer that swapped over was called Greg. I had played on his table before. He has a weird sense of humour.

I didn't play much, and after about eight spins the guy with the sad face came back. Very odd rotation. I thought he would spin a lot of 0-3 sectors again and decided to go on it. Big time.

But a few 1-2 sectors in a row nearly killed me. Not only had I lost my gain and thrown out the remaining $1000 I had from my wallet, but I was down to my last spin. I was mentally praying for grandma to look over me but then realised how bad it was to call on the dead to hope for a win. So I stopped.

I used my last $400 to bet on the 0-3 sector, piling it on zero and 26 because those numbers had come up before. I was ready to lose, and leave, but I knew how angry I would feel as I was already feeling it. I was stupid. Why not just take the $400 and leave? Now you're about to leave down $2000. Fuck.

I watched the ball spin. To my amazement it was coming down on the 0-3 sector rather easily. Almost directly. No awkward bounce, no interference, no skip. It came to rest on 26.

I looked at 26 and I had four straight ups and four splits. That was 208 chips. That was $2080.

The dealer asked me how I wanted it and I said all cash as I was going to cash out. I had learnt my lesson. I had come too close to death. I got my $2160 (including the eight winning chips) and walked around the casino a bit before cashing out.

Both tonight and last night I had realised how quiet the place had become. Had they sucked the money out of all the regulars? I began to see the place as more of an RSL club. People had labelled it as that before but I never understood it. Now I did. It seemed so empty. It was not elegant anymore. It was not classy anymore. I just saw people spinning the ball and bored out of their minds supervisors overseeing these people off the street with no other skill spinning the ball. It was just so...informal.

As I walked out of the gaming area I checked my phone. Shuing had sent a message saying that on Friday he had been diagnosed with a rare form of blood cancer and asked for Colin's number.

Oh my god.

I tried calling him but there was no answer. Suddenly everything became so unimportant. Suddenly everything else in life became so much more important. What was I doing in the casino?

I caught a taxi home and had a talk to the driver about various countries, including Dubai, China and Pakistan.

I spoke to Shuing on the phone after dinner. I didn't detect any anger, but he did come from an angle of "what were the odds". He didn't seem 100% coherent, and I could sense some frustration on his part when I couldn't remember all the details of Colin's cancer experience. So after a while I ended the call and suggested we catch up some time over the weekend.

Jin
A few days ago I grabbed my phone back from the garage. I couldn't help but check Kakaotalk. Jin had reinstated her account. Her Korean number account had a picture of a girl resembling her standing near a pool, with the status update "Keep your eyes open and your mouth closed!!!" whilst her Australian number account had a picture of a birthday cake and her status was some Korean characters.

I saw that Gabriel's status was "fucked up" and wondered if he was her boyfriend and that they had had a fight. Did it finally become evident that she was a nut case to him as well? I felt emotionally stable at the time and didn't feel either positively or negatively towards what I had seen.

Tonight, I checked again. The only change to the above was her Korean number account. The photo was now of a sunset we saw together, and her status was "Tis the most tender part of love, each other to forgive.."

Was she...coming back around?

Mob returns

So Mob returned from leave today, and for the last five weeks while she was gone I thought everything had gone alright. Nothing urgent, nothing had blown up. I was semi-proud.

But today when she came into my office for a quick catch up on my matters, she asked me about the report in one of them. I was confused. What report? She said just before she left she left a message on my voice mail.

Shit.

I remembered. She had asked me to do a report. How did I forget? I quickly apologised and felt my face going red. I said I had the hearings on at that time and forgotten about it. I could've died right there. Or I could've been fired right there.

She didn't seem to react much, but I knew it was bad.

I quickly made a start on it but shortly after I had to leave for the physio. I wasn't too sure of what to expect, but did anticipate some massaging of my calf muscles. The physio was a girl called Emma. We had a bit of a talk at first about my injury and my usual activities, then she had me go through some exercises to see how tight the muscles were. Then onto the bed and the massaging began.

People always say they enjoy massages and it relaxes them, but they must be talking about other types of massages, because this one made it onto the pain scale. When I got up from it, I could feel it already being sore, though she called it "tender".

I was told to go back in a week, so after making the next appointment I returned to the office. I would've felt really bad if I left the office before Mob, so I ended up staying back, even though my plan was to go to the casino.

Gary was in her room talking for a while, so she only left at a bit past 6pm. I stayed back a bit after before leaving. I walked to the casino and withdrew $1800 in the process.

When I got there, I checked out the roulette tables and saw the first few were packed. I looked further down and saw one packed and one empty. The one closest to where I was had one guy playing - perfect. I saw the old man and we nodded to each other and said hello. I told him I just got there and asked how long he had been there. He said he had been there a while. I asked if he was any good today and he said he won a bit.

I told him I was gonna give this table a try and I bought in $800. I noticed the dealer was a girl I had never seen before. Almost immediately I noticed she was rather beautiful in a way that didn't require make up. She also seemed to be in a very happy mood.

I stayed quiet because I wanted to concentrate. I tried to keep my self control in check and didn't bet on all spins. I won like $20 at first playing outside bets. Then on one I won $110 as it landed on 5 when I bet red/middle column.

I sat out a few spins before noticing that her past spins had touched on 0-3 sector only once before going to 1-2. So when it landed on 0-3 sector, I went on 1-2 only to see it land on 0-3. I went again, this time splashing about 30 chips all over the 1-2 sector. It landed on 13 where I had four splits.

That was the majority of my winnings, but just before that I had also won on 17 where I had two splits. I then sat out a lot of spins and only played cautious outside bets when I did. I studied her when she wasn't looking. She was definitely new. If not by the way she dealt, then surely by the way her supervisor was teaching her. The guy was called Hal or something, a real creep. He pretended to teach her how to spin and touched her hand in the process. He mentioned something about her boyfriend so I guess that was it for me.

I stayed real stoic throughout and didn't say much, even with the old man sitting nearby. I learnt that his name was Mark L something, as they asked him because another Mark had been entered into the system.

I was close to $800 gain when there was a dealer change. I played a few outside bets to get myself to $800 and then cashed out immediately. Mark asked how much I had won and I told him I started with $800. The Asian bloke next to me said something about how well I did. I just tried to stay humble and say it was all luck, but I didn't feel comfortable with saying how much I had won.

I walked around the casino a bit and checked out the baccarat tables before cashing in and leaving. I realised I still had a $1000 chip in my pocket but decided to leave with it anyway.

I walked back to the main part of the city where I caught a bus home.

Playing twice in one day after being told not to

On Friday after work I met up with Jim for gym. Much the same as the previous week, we went to Bond Street, but this time I pushed myself harder than before. I was recovering from a migraine I had the day before, where I basically went to bed as soon as I went home.

After gym, we went to that same Japanese restaurant with the waitress I like. I dressed decently this time, and Jim figured out why. When we got there, as Jim approached the door downstairs, it slammed shut and he said something like "fuck, son of a bitch". I thought it was the wind but apparently the waitress had closed it, not knowing there were people coming. I kept telling him to shush because I thought she heard what he said.

At the end of the meal we were trying to decide on what to do. I didn't want dessert because I wanted to start eating less. He asked me what I had in mind, and I just blurted out going to the casino. He said he was thinking the same thing, and so off we went.

He played with $100 and I played with $200. We went to the black jack tables first for him, and he played $20 per hand. He lost in five straight hands. Most excruciating of all was perhaps the second last one, where he was dealt two face cards. You gotta win on a 20 right? Nope. Dealer got 20, tie, lose your money because this is black jack challenge.

On his last bet the dealer drew five cards to beat Jim's 16 or whatever.

Fuck off.

I played roulette and won $20 on a cautious bet at first, then played black/third column twice where it landed on 19 - next door to 15. On my last bet of $80 I bet on the 0-3 section where it landed on 14 - next to 31.

Fuck.

For some reason I was more furious about Jim's cards than my own fortune. That was truly unbelievable.

I basically swore the rest of the night and said we'd never come back again. Which wasn't an entire lie. I said we should never come back, not that I should never come back.

On Saturday I decided to check in at morning basketball which I hadn't been to in ages because of my achilles tendonitis. I was feeling ok, but knew I had to preserve myself for basketball at night time. Somewhat ironic that I chose to do this on the weekend right after I saw the podiatrist where he told me to reduce my basketball and walking to work.

I saw lots of new people, and recognised some of the oldies. We had some good games, and towards the end I got on a winning team which had an awesome run. At around 11:30am I left and went home, feeling I had tired out my legs.

After a shower I went to bed to read the Jordan book and then fell asleep. I thought I could use the rest but woke up with my legs feeling even more tired.

I got changed and went to pick up Jim for basketball. I was late mainly because I underestimated the time it would take and didn't think of the traffic. That meant I was even more late in picking up Daniel. Actually about an hour late. I thought he'd be pissed but he was a good sport about it.

I really wasn't into it in the beginning as my legs were completely out of gas. But as things went along, and as losses piled up, I became more and more motivated. It was just a shame that I was on pretty bad teams, including teaming up with Jim, who hasn't played in at least a year, and even when he was playing he wasn't that good.

After basketball we all went to Burwood to eat.

Too close...too close...

Yesterday after work I went to the casino, despite agreeing to meet Mike for dinner at 7pm in Stratty.

I went with the attitude that I had already won enough, and that anything extra would be icing on the cake.

Apart from the first few tables, the other ones down the end were  all empty. So I settled for one where there was just one guy playing and the dealer was that short Asian girl who looks older than she probably is, and is oddly attractive.

I bought in $800 chips and played outside bets. I started losing and played inside. Pretty soon, I had lost the $800 and had to throw in the other $1200 from my wallet.

I was bleeding chips as time rolled by. Soon enough, the dealer had a shift change as she was replaced by a fat bald guy I had seen many times before. This dealer spun a double 36 to start with, then managed to land it in that area (also in 36) multiple times.

However, I didn't think he could do it and bet against him. I was losing. I was down to my last $400 and splashed it all on the 1-2 sector, including three straight ups on 36 and two splits on 33-36. I was ready to walk if I lost.

Then it landed on 36. Unbelievable.

I wondered if grandma was somehow looking over me.

That kept me in the game. Winning on 34 with two straight ups later on helped me get back to almost even.

I reasoned that I didn't have any need to put myself through big risks and played outside bets to try to get back to even and just a bit more. When I was at $1960, I bet on red/middle column and it landed on 23. I now had a $70 gain.

The dealer said "Michael Jordan" as he put the dolly on 23. We exchanged a few words about Jordan, and then I cashed out, feeling extremely lucky and grateful. I could've left down $2000 but instead I'll be leaving with $2070. Big swing. Big, big swing.

I rushed to Town Hall to catch a train out to Stratty. I was 10 minutes late and met Daniel there. As expected, he made a comment about me being in a suit. I had actually planned to be in my sports gear, but being at the casino (and losing) meant I didn't have time to change.

Mike picked us up and we went to Pine Inn, where we met Mark. I was really looking forward to having a big steak with chips and gravy, despite wanting to lose weight. We had a pretty good time just eating and talking. I did feel it got a bit awkward when we were talking about not having enough players on the team, as Daniel would've been thinking "why not ask me?"

Mark left first, as he was meeting a friend for movies. Then Mike, Daniel and I just talked about girls.

After a long time, we finally left. Mike dropped me off at the station and I caught the train back home. It occurred to me that I could've returned to the casino for just a bit more icing, but instead I went to Woolies to get some Nutella and then went to deposit the cash into my bank account.

Escaped on lucky 25

I went for a jog today during lunch. Felt good. It was nice to see the Opera House.

After work I went to the casino. Plan was to win $300 and go, as that, coupled with the $200 from yesterday, would be sufficient to cover the final part of the $3500 I withdrew previously for my mum's eye surgery.

I went to a table where an Asian guy was playing by himself and the dealer was an older Asian lady. I played cautious outside bets at first but it got frustrating. I did a lot of red/middle column and it landed on 4 about three times. I mean, I'm exposed to 11 numbers and that exact same number came up three times to cause me to lose at the exact time I placed that particular bet.

Despite that, and with a combination of sector bets, I was hanging around a $250 gain. I had won big on a section bet where I bet $400 and it landed on 30 where I had four splits. After that I was deciding on whether $300 was good enough. When I reached $300 I tried to win a bit more using outside bets for some small amount of spending money (like $50).

I lost more than I should have statistically speaking, and on one spin I decided to go 1-2 sector with minimum bets. It landed on 25 where I had a straight up, so that immediately took me to a $530 gain. There was a dealer change and I decided that that was good enough, so I cashed in and left.

It's a fallacy of the mind, but sometimes after a win, I feel like it was easy and I could easily do it again. However, when I'm contemplating going to the casino or when I'm actually at the table, I realise how hard it is to actually win $500, or even any money at all.

Good thing is I remain cautious.

A hard win

After work today I went to the casino. Sally was working as the dealer instead of a supervisor, and I was umm-ing and ahh-ing about going to her table. In the end, I squeezed in between two guys to stand in the middle and bought in at her table.

I have a huge secret crush on her. On my first play, I bet black/third column and it landed on 18. She accidentally swept away my column win. I pointed it out just after she did it and she realised straight away. She was going to put it back but her supervisor asked her to keep sweeping and she would check the camera. On the next spin she had a shift change and that was the end of Sally :(

The next dealer was a tall blonde girl with a slight accent. I wasn't doing too well, going down $400 at one stage. But I told myself to remain calm and I caught up with a combination of section bets and outside bets. She was a bit talkative, but I wasn't really in the mood. I was down so much I had to pull out the $1000 'spare' I had kept in my pocket.

After her was some guy I had never seen before. That old man was playing at the table next to me and eventually came over to say hi and watch. He didn't like the dealer too much, asking him to calm down because he kept banging the dolly as the ball was spinning. I did find him to be a bit loud.

I was down by as much as $600 but managed to come back thanks to playing sections and having it eventually land in mine, even though at one stage it was looking quite scary. I thought about how if I lost the $1800 tonight, it would set me back a lot, and take away the feeling of "easy money at any time".

After this dealer was an old man who came for one spin, then a young guy replaced him. I stayed until I crawled my way up to a $200 win and left straight away. I knew it wasn't my day, and when it's like this, you take anything you can get. Amazingly, I was losing on too many outside bets. Out of the 11 numbers I could lose on, they came up way too many times.

I realised what a large swing it is between losing and winning. If I lose, I'd be down $2000 (in the usual course of things). If I win, I'd be up $200. If you assume I can do that three times a week, 52 weeks a year, it's a bit more than $30,000. So the swing then is a loss of god knows what, and a plus of $30,000 on top of whatever savings I accumulate.

TL;DR - always leave with a win, no matter how small.

Why can't I meet a girl like that...

On Friday after work I met up with Jim for gym. It has become pretty apparent to me that I no longer exert myself at the gym. For a long time I settled into a routine of bike-abs-bench press-arms. None of that stuff, apart from the bike perhaps, really makes me sweat. Nor do I really push myself to the limit. I had become complacent. All I wanted to do was finish up and go eat. I even suggested KFC.

Luckily Jim had the sense to direct me to Japanese, so we went to that restaurant with the waitress I fancy. She was still there. I realised that every time we go there I am wearing the same grey Puma hoodie. She must think I'm a bum.

Afterwards we went to the Grace Hotel for dessert. It was unique, because you get a card upon entry and then swipe that card for everything you buy. When you leave, they look at how much you have accumulated on the card and then charge you that way.

Yesterday I didn't do much during the day. I went out for a jog and did a lap. I had to, given I weighed in at 71.5kg at the gym on Friday.

At night I went to pick up Fat Pat from the domestic airport as he was returning from Tasmania. We went to Marrickville for a stand up comedy show. The comedian we saw was Sam McCool. He was alright, I didn't really expect how interactive it was, and thought he delivered some cheap shots at the audience just to get some laughs.

After that we went for dinner in Newtown at Thai Pothong. Food was good as usual. For some reason I feared not having enough to talk about with him, but everything turned out ok. We talked about going to Thailand a lot, as he had been before.

I dropped him home after dinner, and wished him a safe flight back as he was flying out later tonight.

This morning, I headed out to the casino. No, not to gamble. I went because Game 7 of the Spurs-Clippers series was on. I got there a bit after 10am and it was packed already with people wanting to see the Mayweather/Pacquiao fight. I stood while waiting the first half, rooting for the Spurs.

I had to leave at 11:30am to meet Thai to watch the fight, which was at half time of the NBA game. I did take a walk around the roulette tables but didn't recognise anyone apart from a couple of dealers.

I was waiting at the cinema for a while when Brain rocked up. I was a bit surprised because I didn't know he was coming. We talked for a bit and then Thai turned up and we went into Starbucks to get a drink and sit down.

While I was ordering a woman and her kid started talking to Brain. I later learned that it was Thai's friend. She was pretty talkative. It was embarrassing though when I mentioned I was thinking of going to Thailand to see the elephants (to make conversation) that  she said "sure...'the elephants'" insinuating I was going there for something else.

After sitting around for a while we went off looking for pubs that was showing the fight. We thought it'd be easy but it turned out that a lot weren't showing it. I think it must've been a licensing issue.

At Maloney's we met with Thai's friends, a guy and his girlfriend. I noticed the girl was quite good looking. We continued our search in vain and eventually settled on a Thai restaurant where we used their free wifi to stream the match lol.

I noticed the girl would offer her phone for us to watch the fight on, and turn it facing us so that she ended up watching it upside down. I think I caught her glancing up at me at one stage too, and before that we had definitely held eye contact for a bit.

I noticed that she was wearing a shirt with the name of a Thai restaurant on it, so I think she must work there as a waitress.

She was quite hospitable, pouring water for us and constantly re-jigging her phone to make sure the match was being streamed smoothly.

At the end, the bill came to $121.60 or something, and since there were six people it was about $20 each. She said it was $20 each and then threw in some coins herself to make up the small difference. I would've done it but I didn't have any coins to offer.

I just thought that was really nice of her. She seemed like a giving type of person, and I wondered why I couldn't meet someone like that?

A close Julie encounter...

On Thursday I had lunch with Maria and Geni. We went to a restaurant near their office called David's Kitchen. Despite emailing saying I was leaving the office now, I still had to wait about 15 minutes once I got there. It annoyed me, but I didn't say anything.

The food was ok, I had the mi goreng rice which was a bit too spicy for my liking but I finished every grain of it. The conversation was better though. I told them I had bought some KFC for a group of homeless people. I thought about telling them about my grandmother's death, but every time I even contemplated it, I thought I would break down and cry. In the end, I did it via the KFC route, telling them I did it because my grandma had passed away and I thought we could make the most of our time here by doing something nice.

A very much discussed topic towards the end was relationships. I told them about a girl (Jenny) who had considered me as the last option because she wanted a guy with several businesses. We agreed that some girls have unrealistic expectations. I told them I was staying away from Honkie girls from now on, but they suggested maybe just the ones without PR or citizenship.

After work I went to the casino. I didn't think I'd see Julie unless I went to the baccarat tables, but as I headed to the roulette tables, there she was, dealing on a $10 table. I had worn my Spao coat I got from Korea a couple of years ago, so was feeling pretty groovy. I walked right past her table and I think she saw me. The only suitable table was the $10 table right next to hers. The ones further down were all empty.

I sat down next to an old man playing by himself. He is a regular there and apart from a few words exchanged a night or two ago, I had never really spoken to him. But this time it was just the two of us, and he started talking to me. He was losing apparently, but I noticed he would only ever bet like $30 on a dozen, so he had about a 33% chance of winning.

I noticed Julie would turn her back to me after spinning, but not sure if she did that because of me or if it was her usual routine. I tried not to pay too much attention anyway. I wasn't having much lucky with my usual outside bets, going up around $150 then going back down to my starting capital.

I saw Jenny working there too, and she walked past a few times. I tried to act like I was having fun and enjoying myself, talking and joking with the dealer and the old man next to me. The old man was slowly losing. Even though he won relatively big on one spin, he would later take out $100 notes repeatedly to keep playing, even though at times he would question if he should continue and I would tell him to walk away.

Eventually he left, but then came back with his wife. He briefly introduced her to me and we exchanged hellos. He watched a bit before leaving with her again.

Now it was just the dealer and I. He looked a bit gruff to me, and he may have had a slight NZ accent. But he was actually quite talkative and funny. I started playing sections and went down a bit before I got lucky when it landed on 27 where I had a straight up and a split.

I was keeping an eye on the dealer rotation, seeing where Julie would go. When she left her table at 6pm, I figured maybe that was the end of her shift and she'd go home. But she came back to deal at the table opposite me. Sometimes I couldn't help but look over at her. I think I still like her, but not like like if that makes sense. Not infatuated. She was joking with the Asian pit boss who appeared to be chatting her up a bit, not that it bothered me (but it would've a few months ago).

I thought about if I should stay when she changes table again. At first when the old man was around I figured I should, since he had me in a chatty and upbeat mood. But now that I was just playing with an Asian guy who didn't seem to want to talk much to the dealer, I figured it'd be awkward.

Julie soon left her table and I knew that in 15 minutes she'd come to mine. I pictured me having an opening line but then conversation going quiet and awkward. I chose to leave. I was up $200, and I wasn't really aiming for the usual $500 goal I had anyway. So being up $200 was pretty good.

I ended up taking a walk through DJ's and bought a pack of two ties because I really liked one of them and it was the last pack. I don't usually buy impulsively, but I really liked it.

Turns out that that was the perfect amount. I had a total of $2150 in my wallet. When I got home, I had an argument with my parents about going to HK for my grandma's funeral. I wanted my mother to go but she didn't want to go because she was paranoid some guy would kidnap her if she ever stepped foot in HK. So I just basically said, fuck it, I'm booking the tickets for you and you're going.

So on Friday at work, I checked the prices for two people flying to HK and staying at the same hotel I stayed at. Total cost? $2149.12.

I couldn't help but think that my grandma was looking over me and all this had been orchestrated by her.