Turning over a new leaf?

I woke up at about 5:30am today, and left home at about 6:20am to walk to work. There's something serene about walking in the morning when the sun isn't even up, and even more serene as it slowly rises and the day wakes up. As I was waiting at a traffic light, this guy came on a bike and said "hello soccer monk" because of my shaved head and long socks lol.

I went to the gym and did the bike and some weights. Then I went to work and was still pretty early. We had new blinds installed, and I raised them up so that I had an unobstructed view of the outside world. This was how my old office was, and I always wanted to do this here but the previous venetian blinds made it difficult to raise up.

At lunch I went to check out the AVQ AGM, but was told I was about 20 minutes too late. I ended up checking out a new Woolies I discovered on Friday night with Matt, and then went to the bank to deposit some cash.

I ate my lunch when I returned to the office, and after that felt so tired. I knew this would happen, so it came as no surprise. I was pretty close to falling asleep.

After work I went to Woolies to get some Gatorade for Nick tomorrow morning, as a way of apologising for sleeping in last Tuesday. Hopefully I can wake up tomorrow on time.

Maybe I'm thinking too much, but today may have been me turning over a new leaf, what with the waking up early, going to the gym, new blinds, and my contract extension starts today. I also felt pretty fresh too, but I'm wise enough not to put too much expectations on this change. I find that change lasts longer when it's gradual, rather than sudden.

The secret life of dad

Waking up Saturday, I expected it to be raining, or at least very cloudy with a wet ground, so that basketball would be out of the question. It wasn't. It was such a nice day, completely different to the weather forecast. How could they get it so wrong for a 24 hour forecast??

It would be a waste anyway, as I had to skip basketball to meet my relatives who had come over from Guangzhou. Specifically, it would be my dad's sister, her husband, and her two friends. I really didn't want to go. Apparently my aunt had asked for me specifically to drive them all around Sydney, and I flat out refused. To be honest, I probably protested harder than I should've, only because my mom asked me to (see: the mom effect). But I just couldn't picture myself driving around my aunt and her three friends (at the time I wasn't told that one would be her husband) when I couldn't even speak the language properly.

It was only until that morning that I realised my aunt only asked for me so she could speak to me in private. Sometimes I fail to read between the lines.

We went to yum cha at the club near us. My dad had to drive them, so my mom, sister and I caught the bus. As soon as we got on the bus, my mom was like "everybody look for your own seat". So much for family unity. The other annoying thing was my mom said the restaurant would be open at 10am (she originally said 9) so we went there at like 10:30am only to find out it opened at 11am.

Again she told us to do our own thing while she went to check out the pokies. I wandered around a bit and eventually found a roulette machine. I sat down and examined it. At first I had no temptation to play, but then I figured I'd put $5 in, only to check my wallet to see the smallest note I had was a $20, so that was the end of that. I did, however, notice that my 'system' might work on this, but quickly told myself to dismiss the thought. Last thing I needed was to get addicted to clubs next.

At about 10:55am we went upstairs, only to have my mom annoyed that the restaurant was still not opened. To make things more embarrassing, she yelled inside for them to open it. Seriously...

Eventually we were let in, amd my mom decided not to wait and to order food first. Every time small stuff like this happens, I always remind myself that Erica could be like this in 20 years time, so I probably dodged a major bullet.

After a while my dad showed up with my aunty, her husband and her two friends. It was all an enjoyable meal, much, much more enjoyable than I originally thought. Mu aunty and my mom exchanged gifts, and they talked about their health. I thought, you know you're old when you talk about your health. Like how my health is constantly on my mind these days.

It was decided there and then that I'd drive them to a travel agent for them to get their money back or something, and then return them to their hotel. My aunty asked, and I couldn't really say no. So that's what I did.

I drove out to the city and parked, then walked a few blocks with them and found the travel agent. It was a young-ish looking Chinese girl who came down to get us and led us into the office. She obviously was the only one working on a weekend. I thought she was semi-attractive, and pleasant enough, but thought nothing more. I just thought it seemed kinda novel that I'd be hanging around all these old people.

They talked about how much they had to pay if they cancelled one day of their tours, and this went on a while. There was talk of inviting the girl to lunch with us, which raised my eyebrow a bit, but she declined. After that I went to get the car, picked them up, and drove them to their hotel.

My aunty pulled me aside for a conversation, and suggested that I contact the travel agent girl if I found her attractive. She said she was the daughter of her friend, and her parents had asked my aunty if she knew of any single guys. She said I could contact her just as friends and see how things go. I just nodded.

She also talked to me about the problems between my mom and dad. I said that the worst part was years ago, but my mom is still unreasonable and forces my dad to admit to things he isn't guilty of. She said she knows my dad gives her all his money, and said she considered that any man who did that was a "failure", but that my dad was too nice. She said every man needs his own money to live his own life.

She told me that when they were young, when my dad was only about 14, their parents had wanted to send one child down to Hong Kong to work. She said my dad was the quiet type, and since no other children wanted to go, he volunteered, also thinking it was a gold mine. When he arrived, he was 'adopted' by a man who gave him a job, a very hard job of drying and carrying heavy jars of herbs all day. She said my dad would send back some money each month, but would also write a letter back telling them how hard it was, and how it wasn't a gold mine at all. She said my dad resented the family for sending him, feeling like they had isolated, excluded and ostracised him. She said she did not blame my dad for feeling that way.

She also said that my dad knows how poorly my mom treats him, but he puts up with it because of his children, and in particular me. She said my dad is very proud of me having become a lawyer and all, and places all his hope and faith in me. This is when the guilt about gambling really started to crawl all over me. I actually felt like crying but told myself not to.

After that chat she walked me back to the car, and I drove off. I told myself that this would ensure I'd never gamble again, and not only that, but to also treat my family (dad) better. Immediately I went to fill the car up with petrol, instead of letting my dad do it.

Despite all that, when I got home, I started feeling like seeing Lina. I messaged her, and she messaged back, but when I asked her if I could come see her at work, the messages remained unread.

This morning she replied saying "good morning ;)" and told me she had changed her work so she had been very busy (hadn't messaged her for a week). When I asked where, and if I could see her at work, she stopped replying. This was, partly at least, to see if she kept in contact with me because she really liked me, or if she just wanted to keep me as a customer. Hmmm...seems not. Maybe she really does like me? At least a little anyway.

Interview with MB chambers

On Tuesday after work I went to the casino with $2000. I initially won and was up $400, but wanted to hit my target of $1200 so I kept playing. It seemed like an easy and realistic target. But then I started losing. I struggled and ended up losing $2000. One odd thing was there happened to be a dealer change very frequently. In fact, I went through four dealers in an hour. The other day I went through four dealers in four hours. Was the casino onto me? Was this their method to counter my 'winning ways'?

It was all too much for me to bear - emotionally. I was there for too long, and just didn't like myself. I didn't like where I was, and I didn't like what I was doing. Even if I was making money. I decided it was time to end it all. I went home, and managed my bank account details so that I would only be able to withdraw $1000 max per day per card. I knew this would be a deterrent as I wouldn't feel safe with a bankroll of $1000 on a $10 table.

The next day, however, my scumbag brain went to work. As random and sudden as it seemed, a thought struck my mind: I could still withdraw from the bank in person, albeit during opening hours. And so, at lunch time, I found myself withdrawing $2800 from the bank and rushing to the casino, telling myself I just wanted to win my $2000 back.

I played next to a woman who seemed to be relatively new to the game. And addicted. She was placing chips everywhere and was noticeable annoyed each time she lost (as if expecting a win every time). I last a while, and although I got a lot of hits on my sector, it never hit the ones where I had heaps of chips piled on. In fact, for about five spins, I just kept getting my money back.

In the end, I lost it all. I had been there for probably just over an hour, which meant I'd been out of the office for an hour and a half. I couldn't believe I had let gambling get in my way of work. I was angry. I didn't want to do this anymore.

So I called up the bank. I knew I couldn't close my redraw facility on the personal loan as that's what they had told me before, but I needed to try. Surprisingly, the guy I spoke to didn't mention anything about that. Instead, he gave me two options: 1) turn off the redraw facility, or 2) reduce my loan amount by the amount of advanced payments I had left so that it would reduce my minimum repayments and this would also close off my ability to redraw. And that's what I did. I only had about $5000 left to redraw, it wasn't much, but it was salvageable. That's $5000 I could have, but did not, lose to the casino.

That afternoon I received a call from the clerk of MB chambers, the one DC works at. She asked if I could meet with their readers' committee on Friday at 4pm. I said yes, but it felt a bit odd that such a positive event was happening right after such a negative event of losing $2800.

Actually, I'm not even sure if it's so positive. Having signed a three year contract, I guess a part of me was content just to work through that. Now that MB chambers were telling me there was an opportunity to join them in October if I passed my exam in June, the stable income could end there. Hmmm. What to do.

So on Friday at 3:50pm I snuck out of the office to go there. It was a bit hard at first, because Mob came into my room to talk about something, and she was taking her sweet, sweet time. I acted natural, but as soon as she left, I put on my jacket and zoomed out of there.

Waiting in the receptionist area, I admired the view from the 60th floor. I could never imagine myself working here. Just being here alone made me feel like I was dirtying the place. I was told that two interviewers wouldn't be available, but the other two, SOH and PC would be. I knew SOH from that trial I did with GS, and I thought it was lucky I was a nice person who always greeted her whenever I saw her around courts, because obviously now it would pay off (a little).

A little while later, PC came out to greet me and led me to a nearby interview room. SOH was there too and we shook hands. I sat down in the so called "hot seat" and the interview began. SOH first asked about my work history, and thought I was still with my old office. I told her I left last April and went to my current work place.

PC asked me a bit about that, and I told him I had just recently done my third hearing. Both seemed fairly straight to the point, but PC seemed a bit more so. He said it didn't look like experience would be a problem for me, but asked me where I thought I would get work from. My answer was that I was hoping to get some from Nom as she liked to use junior barristers, that I had friends who opened up new firms, and I was also trying to maintain good relationships with my current place so that they might give me some work. He seemed pleased with that answer.

Other questions included:
- would I do a trial if it was offered to me on my first day?
- would I be willing to do work for others on short notice?
- would I be willing to do civil work?
- whether I was prepared to survive on six months without work
- whether I was willing to share a room (I told him I thought this was normal)
- whether I was willing to do country work

He also gave me some tips, like if I ever got work from someone, to call the lawyer or client straight away and tell them you're onto it. One tip I really liked was to get to work at 7:30am and just hang around because you never know what might happen, as work could turn up unexpectedly. He said to always keep your door open, and spend time in the kitchen, spend time meeting people and being interested in them.

PC asked why I wanted to come here, and I said DC was my tutor. They didn't seem to know that, and that seemed to be a good enough response. I added that I also knew others on the floor.

We also talked about how there seemed to be a lack of legal aid work, particularly at these chambers, as legal aid tended to give work to SMG chambers. So he said given the increase in commission work, they were trying to focus on that, and because of that, I was a "star candidate". He also asked me if I applied for SMG and when I said no, he asked me why not.

Well, because there's a dickhead there who I don't like.

I said this was my first choice as DC was here, and I didn't want to apply for too many places until I knew my exam results.

We finished by talking about the amount of work around, with PC saying there was an increase in barristers coming to the bar. He asked if I had any questions and I asked if they could elaborate on what their expectations of me would be.

As the interview concluded, PC said the only issue seemed to be whether they had enough room for me. And he didn't mean that physically, he meant whether there would be enough work to go around for me.

I left, feeling kinda excited and relieved that it was all over. I went back to the office and texted Victoria about it, saying I'd tell her more next Sunday. She replied saying she was very interested and looking forward to it.

After work I went to the gym, then met up with Matt for some ball at KGV.

Lunch with Victoria

Today I had lunch with Victoria.

At about 11am, she texted me to confirm it was still on. I proceeded on the basis that no confirmation was needed. I said yes and that I'd meet her at her building, but she said to meet at the Martin Place station newsagency. I thought about it and came to the conclusion that maybe she wasn't at work today. Hmmm, if that was the case, maybe she should've told me as I had been contemplating taking a day off, then we could both have longer lunches.

I left the office at 12:20pm, wearing my three piece suit trying to impress. Also had an umbrella as it was raining lightly. I went to the newsagency and didn't see her. I bought a lotto ticket, then went to a movie vending machine to read about how it worked. After a bit I heard her voice call out to me. I turned around to see her, and she seemed happy enough to see me. I wasn't sure if a hug was in order, but no hugging was done.

We started walking off, and I asked if she skipped work today. She said she was at work, but did take the rest of the day off so she could have a longer lunch. I confirmed with her she didn't want sushi as she seemed to ignore my question about it in an earlier text, and she said she had it two days ago. She suggested a sandwich shop nearby so we went there. She said something about usually only getting half an hour or 20 minutes for lunch.

As we walked and talked, I noticed she touched my hand. Then my arm. Hmmm.

When we got to the sandwich shop, I realised this was a regular haunt for her, as the waiter knew her name. She ordered a salad, and I ordered a lemon chicken baguette and a drink. We sat down and I asked her how she was dealing with the results. She said she was still sad about it.

Her drink came, and I said it looked good. It was some sort of red/orange juice in a cup that looked like a jar with a handle. She offered me a sip and I said no at first, but she insisted. There was a straw, and I wasn't sure if I should drink from it, and she said to use the straw. She indicated with her fingers how much she wanted me to drink, but that was too much. After I returned it to her, she sipped from the straw.

Hmmmm.

She mentioned how healthy it was, and I said something about her diet being very healthy. She said she tries to have a healthy meal once a day, but sometimes she fails, like a few days ago she had a mudcake for lunch.

We talked a bit about the exam more, and I said she didn't do too bad, considering she passed the hardest subject with a 48% pass rate, and the others had very low pass rates as well. She thanked me for being positive, and I didn't know how to respond so sat there awkwardly.

We talked about studying together, and I said ok, but I didn't really want to study with Albert. She was interested to know why, and I said he's a nice guy but we just had different studying styles. She asked me to elaborate, and I gave the example of the time I met him in the library when he immediately started questioning me about the subject.

She congratulated me on my passes or something and offered me a high five. I gave her a high five but she held it up for a few more.

I asked about her trip to Korea, and she said it was good. She said she went to Busan, and went to a spa with her mother and brother.

I asked her what she does after work, and she said just rest, and sometimes watches drama. I mentioned the Korean alien one and turns out she watches that too. I thought, if she asks me how I know, I'll just say a friend told me.

Yeah a prostitute.

She said it's finished now, and the lipstick used by the actress is so popular it's sold out. She asked me if I had seen it and I said a bit.

We talked about our work, and I told her about my recent hearing. She asked me where I worked and I told her. When I said next to DJ's, she said we could go there next time for lunch, because this time I came to see her, so next time she'll come to me.

After a while I noticed she kept looking behind me, until finally she waved at someone behind me. It was two guys, not sure if she knew one or both of them. She got up and went to talk to them. When she returned, she apologised, and looked back once more. She said something about the guy mentioning her having lunch with a guy (ie. me). I asked if she went out to lunch with her colleagues and she said sometimes.

Sometimes I didn't have anything to say so would stare off into the distance behind her. I think she would turn a bit to look to see if I was looking at anything in particular. Sometimes she seemed to stare at me.

When we finished eating, the waiter brought over some free cakes as dessert. She offered for me to take them, so I asked for a box and put the free quiche in there as well. She said she wanted to stay to talk to her friend, so we waved goodbye and parted.

The casino - the only place that can make you feel like a winner after losing...

Woke up late today, probably because I stayed up last night playing Last of Us. This meant I caught the bus to work instead of my usual walking. When I got off the bus, I saw GS standing at the bus stop. I said hi to him and asked if he was waiting for a bus to go to court. He didn't seem too enthusiastic to see me, but seemed to put on a front. I told him I sat the bar exams but failed one, and he asked which one, then said I didn't need it anyway. He asked me where I was working now and mentioned setting up a lunch later, but I think he said that just out of courtesy.

I headed to the office and proceeded to put on the pants I had brought from home, as the two pairs I had were with the cleaners. Then, the unthinkable happened - the pair of pants I brought didn't fit. I could barely manage to squeeze it closed, but would definitely have not been able to sit down. I had no choice but to spend the rest of the day in my 'casual' attire, being teased by Aaron, Vic and Matt.

Despite my honest and best intentions not to gamble for the rest of the work week, a startling realisation hit me as lunch time approached: because I was in my casual gear, I could rush off to the casino and rush back. So at 12:10pm, I went to the ATM, withdrew $2000 and speed walked to the casino.

I found a table with a chubby and happy dealer, with one Asian girl playing. She left after losing a spin and went to another table, which left me exposed by myself. I won big on two spins, and was up about $900. I knew I should've left, but kept looking at the clock and thinking I still had more time. I lost the next one, then won the one after, and decided to cash out with a gain of $820.

I speed walked to the ATM to deposit the money, and suddenly felt better about the past few days. This is despite the fact that I was still down $1180. All of a sudden I felt (again) that I could do this on a long term basis and it would be a viable way of paying off my debt. But going by the numbers, I was still down $1180!!! Amazing! I felt like a winner even though I was a loser!

In other news, Victoria replied to my message about lunch, saying she couldn't do today but suggested Thursday. Then after work, after a few messages about study materials, Albert asked if I was meeting Victoria for lunch on Thursday. I think he likes her...

Happiest day at casino?

On Thursday, I had to get to work early (as in, 8am) as I would be going to court with Roy and Ross (in his AI). I was nervous, as I wasn't sure if I would be required to say anything in court, and if I did, what exactly I would say.

I managed to get to work on time, but my stomach was grumbling even though I already went to the toilet at home in the morning. I was in a meeting with Roy and Rossand it got so bad I actually had to excuse myself while I went to the toilet to do a number two. Ugh.

Going to court, it was my first time seeing the office car park and cars. I also got to see the drive way that we actually come out of. I had never noticed that before. What was interesting was seeing how Roy wanted to go in as secretive as possible.

After meeting the Crown, we went to get a coffee, and Roy was telling us about his days in England and stuff to do with the MI6. Then we returned to court, waited a bit and Ross was called. Luckily I didn't have to do anything, so it all went pretty smoothly.

I had organised lunch with Genie and Maria on the proviso that I had to go to court and I'd confirm with them on the day. So when I got back to the office, I emailed them saying I was good to go. Maria emailed back saying she was ok too. But then she called me and apologised, saying she forgot that she had to go home early. Then Genie emailed me saying she was too busy.

To be honest, I felt pretty pissed off at both of them. We were supposed to have lunch last week, but that got put over to Wednesday as Genie was busy. Then on Wednesday Genie put it over to Thursday, and now she was cancelling again.

I had so much to share with them, about my bar results, my time in court, and me cross-examining the witness for three days. And now, I had no one to listen. No one to share my experience with. Genie sent a follow up email apologising and saying she hoped I wasn't mad. I was, and I decided to ignore it while I went out to lunch.

Friday was a much more relaxed day. We didn't have FF, and at 11am we had a celebration for Wongy as it was his last day. I was expecting the usual snacks, like chips and drinks, and was surprised that there was nothing. NOTHING!

Mob gave a speech (which she later admitted to it being somewhat fictional) and gave him a plaque, as well as other presents. I was surprised we had a bag with our logo on it. Also interesting to know that Wongy led a relatively secret life during his career here, as Mob said no one had ever met his wife or seen him play in his band, and that he hadn't been overseas.

It made me a bit more comfortable thinking my gambling and whoring would be safe.

At 1:30pm we went out for lunch with him, went to this Italian restaurant I think near our office, with a waiter who seemed to treat us with a degree of disdain but which others seemed to think was "classy Italian" service. Everything was going alright, until one of Ben's drinks got blown over by the wind and all the wine spilled onto my pants.

After the lunch I couldn't wait to get back to the office to change out of them, then took them to the dry cleaner's. I went to the gym, went home and played Last of Us for a bit before picking up G and going to the airport to pick up Shuing.

We went to Chinksford to eat, and I was surprised that Shuing ordered a congee and wonton noodle soup. I know the quantity of food might not have caused the gall stones, but surely you'd try to lighten up your diet after something like that.

I found the dinner to be a little difficult, as Shuing was very prone to an argument and I seemed prone as well to defending my views. The thing with him is, he likes to generalise, and if you try to point out the logical fallacies of generalising, he'll have none of it, and use swear words and raise his voice to prove his point. Once he makes a claim, anything you say to the contrary is wrong. And if you make a claim, he'll likely contradict it.

After that we went to Macca's to hang out, and I ended up getting Malay to join us. I remember one thing I said to Shuing earlier was that Malay seemed a bit non-committing when I asked invited him to things, like the Thailand trip. Shuing then said this may have been because Malay had a relative on the MH370 plane that disappeared (this stems from his gambling/prediction addiction). This went from 'may' to 'definitely' when I tried to rebut it. I was glad when Malay came and Shuing tried to suss him out, that Malay said he didn't know anyone on the plane.

After that I dropped G off, then at Shuing's place we sat in my car talking about G. Again, we got into an argument. I said I thought G's parents wanted him to be a 'professional worker' and that was why his mother took him to the uni to look at accounting courses. Shuing said there was nothing wrong with being a bus driver or whatever as long as it was what G wanted to do. He either didn't seem to appreciate the distinction between what I thought G should do and what I thought G's parents wanted G to do, or he was just trying to argue against G's parents' point of view through me.

It was like 1am and I was getting tired, just wanted him out of my car. When he finally left I went home and slept. I came to the conclusion that it would be best if I didn't go to Thailand with Shuing, as I am sure we would get into an argument that would risk our friendship. Even though I find Brain annoying, I don't think we would get into any arguments.

Saturday
In the morning I went to the courts for some games. Unlike previous weeks, there was a serious lack of people, and we barely scraped together ten guys. It just so happened that this was the day that Mike decided to take up my recommendation to come after I had told him there were about 20 people each Saturday and there were some good Americans. Not one American showed up.

We only played a few full court games before most people left. Then Mike, Adrian, Matt and I played these four Asian guys four on four, and it was funny because they would win one game convincingly, then we would win, then they would win and so on. For two games I was on fire, hitting almost every shot, even prompting one of them to say I was a good shooter. When they decided to mark me tight, Matt started hitting a bunch of long threes to help us win.

After that Mike, Matt and I went to Chinksford to eat. I took them to the restaurant I like with fast service, but on this occasion for some reason it took like 30 minutes to wait for our food. I noticed all the other tables had the same thing too.

As we were eating, I would sometimes think "damn, I'm gonna go gambling after this, I feel so dirty, can't believe I'm about to warp into a different world in a few hours".

Mike dropped me home and I was soooo tired. Not even showering or changing, I laid down on my bed for a few moments and fell asleep. When I woke up, my left leg cramped up when I tried to get up, but luckily I managed to get rid of it quickly.

I had a shower and headed out to the casino. I ended up losing $2000. I was never up, which irked me, but at the same time, I seemed to accept this loss a bit better than in the past. I mean, there was no urge to quickly go home and change bank cards so I could come back with another $2000. I told myself that losses are bound to happen, and that I should just try to win $800 next time and slowly climb back like that. However, I knew in the back of my mind that I'd be going to bed with the urge programmed into my mental alarm clock, ready to wake me up when the time was right.

And that time was 5:30am, when I got up and left for the casino. I was expecting a 'fresh' atmosphere of the casino, you know, like the casino version of a 6am jog. Instead, it was filled with people who had stayed there all night from their Saturday night shenanigans. When I got there, a security guard was trying to sort out a bit of a tussle between two guys. The dealer was an Asian girl who I thought would bring good luck, but instead, I lost $2000 rather quickly, and again was never up.

I left, feeling like shit, as I'd just lost $4000 altogether, and now I faced the prospect of returning home at 7am having to explain to my parents where the hell I was. Luckily they were still asleep.

I played some video games, had breakfast, and went out to the casino in the afternoon again. I got there at about 12:30pm I reckon, and sat down at a table with a young blonde dealer. Pretty much as soon as she exchanged my chips, her shift ended and it was some Asian guy. I was slowly losing my chips, and faced the very real prospect that I'd lose $6000 this weekend. At the lowest point, I had my last $400 on the table layout, and luckily, LUCKILY, it landed on 28 which I had a bunch of chips on.

The next dealer was another Asian guy, but he was a lot more talkative. When I was the only one playing, I was more open to talking and we just made general chit chat. Found out about the VIP rooms upstairs, and apparently the way you get in is via the membership card which makes you eligible if you bet a certain amount of money. Judging by how often they ask me for a card, and how much I have bet (lost), I think I'd be eligible. But the dealer just said you get free drinks, so maybe I'm not missing out on much.

He also told me about a story where on a baccarat table one time, the cards hadn't been shuffled so everyone knew what cards were coming out - LOL!

After him came a lady dealer who I had seen around before. This is where I had two big wins, which pretty much netted me $2000 "profit". Then a very attractive Asian girl (probably Chinese, didn't look Korean) came and sat down next to me. She played 'safe' bets, and small amounts. I wondered if she was a working girl trying to look for work. She did look dolled up. And it seemed unusual she was by herself. Whether she was looking for work or not, I was pretty sure she was a working girl.

I kept trying to think of things to say to chat her up, but for some stupid reason I didn't want others at the table to think I was hitting on her. By now, due to her, the amount of money I had, and the amount of time I had been there, I had lost focus of my strategy. But I also wasn't really betting, opting to sit out most games, mainly because the table had become over crowded.

After this dealer, there was a shift change and the blonde girl returned. We nodded, and I said I was here when her shift ended, and she said yes, that was four hours ago. I said that was embarrassing, but she gestured at all the chips I had, as if to suggest it was worth it.

This was when the fun started. She spun up 33 twice, and by now there was a Vietnamese guy joking with her, asking why she didn't tell him a double was coming up. He said she should tell him if a triple would be coming. I have seen enough triples to make me want to bet on it when a double happens, so I placed one chip on 33.

And it landed on...33! Everyone started cracking up at the table, especially the Vietnamese guy, who was saying "why didn't you tell me?" A lot of people made money on that bet.

By now I had pretty much won all the eight stacks of colour chips that the table held. So each time I won a small amount, she had to pay me in cash. This has only ever happened once before, many years ago. I was up $2200 and couldn't bear to lose it all back (so much for that fantasy of trying to win back your debt of $30000), so I sat out most spins.

I was watching this lady bet. She had annonyingly squeezed into my right, and leaned over into my personal space to place bets, threatening to push over my chips. She had some luck, as she won big on a few spins. But when she lost, she would swear, as if it shouldn't happen. I mean, she bets on like half the numbers, so it's got a realistic probability of it hitting the other half, yet she somehow expects to win all the time. She even rage quitted on one spin after losing, choosing to cash in her $100 worth of chips.

The attractive girl had also left, probably due to the over crowding. And when the blonde girl finished her shift, I decided I had had enough so cashed out as well. Although I had fun and began being talkative to people, I was way too fucking tired. Once again, the casino environment had broken me down again. I was just glad I was able to walk out with more than what I started with.

Bar results are in...

Although the results were to be released tomorrow, I constantly checked my Gmail today just in case there was the 1% chance they released it early.

At 6pm, I checked, and saw an email had been received at 5:39pm.

Could this be...?

I opened it. My focus was blurred, but somewhere were the words "Bar exam results". I was looking on my phone, so the print on the pdf letter was small. At first glance, it looked like this:

Practice and Procedure - Fail
Evidence - Fail
Ethics - Fail

WTF? I failed all of them?!?!? Well fuck me. What's the fucking point?? How fucking far off was I in the exams?? I ain't doing them again!!!

I put my phone down, looked up at the ceiling.

I then checked again, this time actually downloading the file instead of previewing it, allowing me to enlarge the file. Turns out I failed the first one, and passed the other two.

I failed P&P?? Serious? WTF? Fuck. It was that fucking mediation question! I knew it!!! FUCK!!!

I texted Albert and Karen saying "exam results are out!!!" with a combination of sadness and excitement. No reply. I then sent Victoria a message on Kakaotalk saying the same thing, unsure whether she was still in Korea.

She called me about five minutes later and asked about my result. I had expected that she would've passed all of them, but her voice showed some uncertainty. I told her I failed P & P, and she said that was the only one she passed. For some weird, scumbag Steve reason, that made me feel a little bit better. It made me feel like she was human after all, that she wasn't as perfect as I had unrealistically imagined. It took her off the pedestal.

At the same time, I did feel sorry for her. I mean, she took a lot of time off work, so to pass only one out of three was pretty disappointing. She expressed disbelief about failing ethics, but was somewhat expectant about her result in evidence.

Our sadness soon turned to hope, as she said we should start studying every weekend together at the library near me. I was totally up for that. I asked her out for lunch on Monday and she said she wasn't sure but would text me.

Later in the night, I spoke to Albert. I was expecting a gloating Albert. I figured the only reason he didn't reply to my SMS was that he had passed all three. How wrong I was. He only passed evidence, and failed the other two. I was totally caught off guard by that. He really impressed me (albeit annoyingly) with his knowledge of P & P. He then suggested he could study ethics with Jay and P & P with me. Ummm.

Like I told Albert, I'm still in denial, constantly re-checking my email as if the result would be any different. After denial comes anger, then sadness, then acceptance.

End of three day hearing

Wow, haven't blogged in a while. A few things have been going on.

Lina
Last Wednesday, I messaged Lina:

"When is your next say off?
I want to take you to fish market :D
Next day off"

She replied:
"I go to Melbourn
This week
Saturday
Come back next Tuesday"

I then said:
":(
I will miss you
Can we go out after Tuesday?"

She said:
"I miss u too
......
Next Tuesday?"

I said:
"Next Tuesday is good
After 5pm?
What time you come back on Tuesday?"

From then on, she had not read my latest messages. At first I thought it was just taking longer than usual. But then after a day or two, it became obvious to me that she just didn't want to read it. To be honest, I didn't feel too annoyed about it. I guess I had expected this all along. Why do I say that? Because:

1. I guess I had used Lina as a 'bandaid' for Jin. After the whole Jin thing, I went on a tear, both emotionally and financially, and I needed something stable to hold onto just for a while, at least for the time being when I needed to prepare and conduct my hearing at work. I knew this would end, but...just...not...right...now.

2. It seemed almost too good to be true, in the sense that, this 'relationship' developed much more differently than the one with Jin. I know everyone is different, but it just seems to me that this thing with Lina, we dove into it a bit too fast. Almost like we were both looking for someone long term and just decided it, almost skipping the initial romance part. It was kinda just like, we met, and said "yep, you'll do" and we went from there.

3. Although my initial comparions of Jin and Lina favoured Lina, I soon realised that at the very least, Jin never requested high class hotels. Hell, she was happy to just go to a cheap motel. Lina, on the other hand, seems to have a taste for the finer things in life. She didn't want Ibis as it seemed like a "back packer's hotel". She asked for the Hilton. Her lingerie is classier. Looking back, maybe Jin wasn't as demanding?

I guess I would describe my reaction as 'docile'. I was just content to let it go. I could see the bright side, namely, I'd save a lot of money and could recover. I didn't even feel the need to go to brothels anymore.

But a small part of me did start to wonder what made Lina want to end it. Was I being too clingy? Did I show too much interest? Was she expecting me to visit her at work again, and now that she realises I won't, she knows she won't make any money from me and thus wants nothing more to do with me? Then what about introducing me to her friends? I guess she could always bring a new guy to introduce to them and they wouldn't say anything. Why would she break it off like this? Was she just too nice? Did she not know how to end it? Was she trying to absolve herself of all blame like Luna?

However, that 'small part' of me started growing, and eventually exposed itself today after I finally finished my hearing. So at work today, I messaged her, asking if she was ok. She responded later on, saying she was still in Melbourne, coming back tonight. I asked her if she wanted dinner and she said she'd be too tired, so I said we could meet next time. Oh well, guess it's still on.

Hearing
My hearing started last Wednesday. Seriously, although I had read the brief, I wasn't too sure about the way I prepared for it. Even on the morning of it, as I walked to work, I felt like I knew nothing, and that I was ready to succumb to an utterly embarrassing performance. A small part of me told myself to be confident, but mostly I was too scared. My fear was almost unbearable.

Surprisingly, the first day turned out ok. A good warm up was doing the witness' wife first. Then when it came to the main witness, the areas of cross-examination were broken down into areas for each part of the hearing - first the false information that finished off the day, then showing all the emails on Thursday. By then, I was feeling pretty comfortable on my feet.

At the end of Wednesday I was excited. At the end of Thursday I was exhausted. I was sick of him, and he was sick of me. Today, it went for another hour and a half, and we finally finished. Can't say today was my best performance, but I was just glad I got it done. Can't believe I cross-examined someone for more than two days.

Gambling
On Thursday, after work, I went to the casino and won $960.  On Sunday morning, I went to the casino and lost $2000. I was actually up $700, but got greedy and ended up losing $2000.

To be honest, I didn't feel as panicky as that time during the bar exams. It felt like my 'docile' mood about Lina fell over into my gambling, and I was ready to accept that a loss would occur every now and then, telling myself I would make it back over time, that I just needed to be patient.

I returned home and played Last of Us Factions for a while. I got bored, and then went back to the casino. I told myself not to chase the whole $2000. Hell, I knew I shouldn't be chasing at all. But I figured if I even won $800 back, that would be good enough. I also told myself that back before when I used to play with a bankroll of $800, there would be times when I was indeed able to regain a loss, so it wasn't impossible.

When I arrived, it seemed a bit weird. Everyone seemed to be crowded on one table, so I had to pick one of the empty tables. The dealer was a guy I had seen there before, pretty sure he was a pit boss. His name was Van. When I sat down, he leaned forward and asked "can I make you rich today sir?" and I said "uh...probably not" and he let out a loud bellow. I added "I know the odds". After 'colouring up' my chips, he asked if he should spin. I told him I don't bet on every spin, and added that people will come when he spins anyway.

He spun, and sure enough, a few people came rushing over. I said to him "I told you", and he laughed, saying "you are a magnet! You are a magnet!" I won on my first spin and maybe even my second spin, but lost one here and there.

I was pretty focused and patient. I soon found myself up $1600, and told myself that was good enough, but I kept playing. After a while, there was a dealer change, and the dealer was now a brunette. I ended up winning a bit more, so not only had I gotten my $2000 back, but also made a bit more than $500. I then cashed in and left.

I was pretty happy with myself, and content with not going for a few days. So I didn't go yesterday. But I did go today after work. I got extremely lucky, winning $600 on my first spin, $600 on my second spin, and $100 on my third spin, though I did lose like $80 on a black/third column bet, and I didn't bet on every spin. I walked off with a $1400 gain and decided to get something to eat at the casino, to celebrate the win and the end of my hearing.

Probably will never eat there again. Their signs are so fucking misleading. They have these huge posters advertising a meal for $12. When I reached the cashier, I saw the fine print of the ad, saying that was the members price, and the price for non-members was $26. Fucking hell. The food wasn't that great either.

I walked off to the bank and deposited my cash.

Insecurity rearing its ugly head / contract signed

I woke up thinking of Lina, and expected to see some sort of good night or good morning message from her. I knew this would drive me crazy at work. And it did later on in the day, as I kept checking for messages from her.

Nothing.

I was going insane thinking about it, thinking that maybe she had changed her mind and no longer liked me, even though just a day ago she said she was happy she spent the day with me. Silly thoughts.

I reasoned with myself that maybe she had forgotten about my new phone and sent me some messages on my old phone, so I'd see them when I got home. However, that didn't stop me from going to the casino after work. I told myself that she was no longer interested, that I should be depressed and gamble.

So I did.

But I also told myself to get in and get out. I sat at a table with a sole Chinese guy gambling only with $100 chips. I only played two spins, and sat through a lot. I won on both and walked off with $720.

I returned to the office to do a bit more work, then went to the gym. When I got home, I saw that she didn't send me any messages on my old phone. So I messaged her, and she has just replied a few minutes ago. Crisis averted?

In other news, I signed my three year extension contract today. The timing of this was fairly crucial. First, my exam results come out soon. If I don't sign the contract by then and fail, they may think "shit, he's a failure, let's retract the offer". On the other hand, if I sign it now and I pass, it becomes fairly obvious I won't (can't) stay the whole three years.

Secondly, my private hearing is on Wednesday. I am not too confident about it. If I perform poorly, they may also regret the offer. Hence I must sign it now. I almost forgot to read it before I went to see Nick about it. Most notable condition was that I had to give four weeks notice if I wanted to resign. Also noticed they gave me a $5000 raise, and the new contract starts at the end of March.

The Tosung dinner

After cleaning the house a bit and taking a small nap, I drove out to pick up Lina. I was a bit late and she messaged me asking me where I was. When I got out there, I parked outside her apartment. I thought it was a bit funny - I was so used to driving to Jin's place, but now I had to make a slight adjustment to stop further up the street.

I called her and there was no answer, and I wondered if she fell asleep or something. But soon she called me back, and when I said I was downstairs she said she'd be down in five minutes. It was more than five minutes, and even though I tried to keep a look out, I didn't spot her until she approached my car and opened the door.

She told me that Nuna and Eric were closing their shop now and asked me to drive over there. At first I was wondering why, and then she was like "didn't I tell you?" and said we were having dinner together. No, you did not tell me. Hmmm.

She asked me if I heard about the news at the Regis Apartment, and I said yes - it was about a Thai woman who had acid thrown onto her face by her boyfriend. She (half jokingly?) asked me not to kill her, and I said I wouldn't; I'd just throw acid on her face. On this topic, I told her about a working girl who also had acid thrown on her face a few years ago at Jin's first brothel, and she said she knew because she worked there at the time.

Are you FUCKING serious?? What the fuck is this? A set up? Why are there so many similarities in this???

I asked if she was friends with the victim and she said no, but a friend of a friend.

She brought up the apartment issue again and asked what I thought about it being $600 a week. I asked why she wanted to move, and she was silent. When I looked over at her, she was looking back at me as if I had offended her or asked a stupid question. Finally, after a long pause, she said she was thinking of working and living there, as she has regulars as clients, which would mean she gets the full $250 per hour instead of less than half.

I told her I didn't want her working from home, and she said the customers wouldn't know it was her home. I said they could wait outside, and you never know what people are like. She said she'd keep thinking about it.

I drove over to the shop area and she said we had to wait a bit. She asked if I was hungry and I said no, but I was a bit thirsty. She suggested going out to get a drink. I thought she meant she would go out by herself so I said no, but she looked like she wanted one so I said I'd come. She asked if it was ok as she didn't want me to get another parking ticket, but I figured we'd be ok to just go grab one and come back.

We went to this bubble tea shop called Come Buy. I had walked past it before and thought it had a funny name. When we went in I asked what she wanted and she said "leechee". I didn't know what she meant at first and then figured out she meant "lychee". She corrected her own pronunciation afterwards. I wondered for a sec if she'd pay for it but I ended up paying for it.

We sat on the stools drinking our drinks. She offered me first sip of her drink, but when I put my straw into my one, my first reaction was to drink it myself, and then I remembered to offer her a sip. Hmmm. I wonder if she picked this up as a selfish sign.

I asked her if she had a date set for travelling to Korea, as I wanted to participate in a marathon with my friend on the 10th of August. She said she didn't have a date set yet, but her visa would expire on the 25th. This made her realise I was serious about going to Korea with her (or am I?) and we talked a bit about that.

After a while she got a message on her phone, and then told me that we'd go to Tosung first and then they would meet us there. So we drove off and she asked if I knew where it was and I joked and said Blacktown.

When we got there we found a table outside, and I decided that it would be a good time to open her up to the Kakaotalk account on my new phone. I sent her a message and asked her to check her Kakaotalk, and she did. She asked if it was a new account and I said yes. She sent me back a reply saying hi lol. She ordered some food from the menu.

Nuna and Eric arrived soon after, much quicker than I expected, and we all started eating. There was a bit of talk about our ages again. Lina asked Eric how old he was and he said 27. So just to confirm, I said Nuna was the oldest, then me, then Eric, then Lina.

I seemed to have hit a sweet spot with Eric when we got talking about cars. He seemed to know a fair bit about cars and experiences with police, so we talked a bit about that. Lina would sometimes make the food and feed it into my mouth, and I often did the same. I looked into the restaurant at times and wondered if I would see Jin, Ash and Suri. I didn't.

Towards the end of the meal, they started talking about dessert, so we decided to go to Stratty for dessert. Since they paid for lunch, I was quick to my feet to get to the counter to pay for the dinner. It was $140, and I wasn't even sure if I remembered the PIN for my credit card, as I mostly use it for online shopping. I managed to guess it right on the first go to avoid embarrassment. I also had some food stuck in between my teeth, and having picked up G's dirty habit of using my fingers to get it out, Lina offered me a tooth pick but by then I had already gotten it out.

When we stepped outside the restaurant, Eric and Nuna were waiting there and thanked me for paying at the same time.

We then walked to our respective cars and that's when I realised Eric drove a really nice, new looking Audi Q5. Not that I wanted it, but it sure did indicate he had money.

I had a bit of trouble parking as Eric said I couldn't park in the plaza because that clsoed at 10pm, but later on they messaged Lina to say I could park there so that's where I parked. We seemed to have a bit of a romantic walk from the car, only to find out all the plaza exits were closed and we had to leave via the car park drive way.

We found Eric and Nuna at a Yogurberry. When we arrived, the girls went to get the yogurt and I sat there talking to Eric. He told me about how the first Moochi that opened made back it's initial investment in the first two months. He seemed to know the owner. Managed to talk about business in that respect for a bit before the girls came back with two tubs of yogurt, with Eric commenting on how Lina's looked a lot more presentable (and he was right).

We then moved to a table with swings as seats when it became available, and ate our yogurts there. Lina took a photo of the pair on Nuna's phone, and I was wondering if they'd do the same for us. They did. Nuna took a photo of Lina and I on Lina's phone, and I was surprised at that as it indicated that she felt safe having her picture taken with me.

After that we went back to our cars, but first we had to go to Eric's car as Nuna was giving Lina a bag full of cosmetic products. As we walked back to my car, I asked if she wanted to go to a hotel for the night, and she said ok (she had asked earlier what I wanted to do after). I had this really sly grin on my face and she made a comment about it. When we went back to my car, I asked Lina to push out my side view mirror and she asked "not automatic?" Hmmm.

So we got back to the city and she mentioned something about rice wine. I said we could go, so we went to this Korean restaurant in an alley, where Luna had taken us for celebration, ordered a pan cake thingy and a bottle of soju and a can of coke for her and a lemonade for me. I mixed a bit of soju with lemonade whereas she just had soju by itself.

She asked the waitress to plug her phone in for charging as we talked. We again talked about the Korean trip. I was telling her about how it would be cheaper to book on Expedia. I showed her on my phone and she said it was cheap, but she wanted to stay in a serviced apartment. I wondered why. She also said she wanted to fly business class as it was too hard to stay in economy for 10 hours. I said ok and added that I had never been in business class before, and she said neither had she.

She asked me where I wanted to go, and I said Busan, and Jeju Island like she had suggested. I asked if she'd visit her family and she said yes. She also said she wanted me to drive there. Hmmm.

I noticed her face was getting red, and she must've felt it too as she applied more make up and asked if her face was red. I said a bit, and told her how her chest was much redder than her face, and she covered herself up lol.

The alcohol was definitely having an effect on her as she seemed to open up a bit more. She told me again about how she was scared of immigration as she didn't do the cherry picking thing before. She also told me that Nuna (she seemed to call her Kate?) and Eric had only gotten married last year, but had been dating for about two years. She said it was a paper marriage.

She talked about how it was risky for her to go out with me, because if other girls saw they would gossip and I got the impression that she would get in trouble. She also said "I like you" in a sentence somewhere in there.

I told her I had been to this restaurant before as a result of my Korean class. She asked me why I took up the class and I just said I wanted to learn (good, but suspicious answer).

She said Nuna "used to be" like her, and I wondered if that meant Nuna was a working girl previously, and whether Eric met her in a brothel.

After that we left for the hotel. As we walked in the alley, she remembered how I had earlier said that I wanted her to send me that photo taken earlier at Yogurberry. When she checked her phone, she said it wasn't saved, because Nuna probably didn't realise it was taken with an app like photoshop. I was disappointed, but she said not to worry, and then proceeded to take a photo of us right there and then and sent it to my phone. Hmmm.

As we walked along the street, I noticed us passing a nail salon. I told her when she opened her shop up, I'd go around burning all the other ones, which made her laugh. I think that was the first proper funny thing I have ever said to her. She said I would get caught, and I told her I would wear a mask.

We tried the Ridges, and were told no rooms available. I wanted to try Ibis but she didn't want to. She suggested a serviced apartment nearby but there was no one at reception and I didn't think it worked that way either. We tried the Vibe and there were no rooms. On our way walking away from the Vibe, we passed my old office. I told her I used to work here and told her that I left because they promoted people who boasted about themselves whereas I didn't boast. Not sure if she understood, but she nodded. I think that was a bit of angry drunk talk on my part.

I called Novotel, and nothing. As we neared my car, she said her feet were hurting, from the walking. I asked if her shoes were comfortable and she said sometimes (they were just flats). She started describing something which I eventually came to understand as a foot spa, and I said I'd get her one. She joked about getting one from G Market.

We went to the casino hotel and nothing. I called Sheraton, Shangri-la and nothing.

We tried the Ibis near the casino and nothing. Finally I said I'd take her home and she said ok. On the drive to her apartment, she mentioned something about Nuna confirming her serviced apartment and that meant I could see her (Lina) any time. Not really sure what she meant. Her English was bad, and I wasn't at my best given it was like 2am and I had a bit of alcohol in me.

I dropped her off at her apartment, and asked when her next day off would be, trying to cement the idea that I didn't want to see her at work. She said she didn't know. I kissed her goodbye and left. When I got home she sent me messages saying goodnight and asking me to drive carefully.

Maybe I shouldn't pay off my loan asap?

Prudent financial advice has always been that you should pay off loans that don't have deductive interest first, which in my case would be my personal loan. Further, you should do this asap to reduce the amount of non-deductible interest you pay.

Right now, I have about $7000 still available from my personal loan. I've come to realise that it's pretty futile to constantly add extra repayments to this from my wage, only to withdraw it again when I inevitably gamble. What I'm thinking of doing is making minimum repayments and trying to pay off the loan with gambling winnings.

Yes. That sounds crazy. And it probably is.

My current mood and line of thinking stems from my gambling session today. Initially I went to try to track the spin of a ball. For the first two spins I noticed the ball fell from the exact same spot, but a different spot on the third spin. I pretty much gave up after that, as the casino environment was very effective in breaking down my new line of focus.

I started gambling with my usual "strategy", but almost exclusively relying on the 1-2 sector. I sat next to an old lady who was speaking Cantonese, and who was playing only sparsely. The dealer was a Chinese lady, a bit chubby and friendly enough. She was nice to spin even when we weren't placing any bets.

There was also an older man standing at the end of the table watching. He had the look of death on him - a long face and really worn out eyes. He chuckled when I lost on a spin, and from that point on I found him to be an annoyance. He never played, instead just stood there watching the whole time.

The Chinese lady eventually left after laughing at the number of reds that came up (about 12 in a row) and then betting (and losing) when the colours started "skipping". But the man was still there. Now, two young American girls had come to the table playing socially. The old man could be heard telling them where to bet and telling them what number would come up next. They were polite to him at first but later ignored him.

I really felt like saying something like "if you knew where the ball would land you'd place a bet". He even commented on my betting, completely using hindsight to support what he was saying. So if I lost, he'd say something about me being wrong, and if I won, he'd tell them what betting strategy he thought I was using. He even made a remark about "not having guts", not sure who that was directed to, but I thought if anyone there didn't have guts then that would be him.

Anyway, I was up $880 at one stage. I actually came because my dad asked for $100 to help repair some paint work on the car, so I told myself I had far exceeded my goal. Yet I continued. The memory of seeing Eric with that Audi Q5 last night kept me going. I needed to be successful.

However, I started losing when a streak of 0-3 sectors appeared. I managed to win some back as that streak didn't last too long, and hung around the $1200 level. Being at the third dealer now, I realised what was happening - the 2.7% house edge was slowly chipping away at my bank roll. Not only that, but the entire environment was chipping away at my concentration and focus. I felt tired, and was more tempted to just throw all my money on the table. It took a lot of self restraint and self control not to do that.

The thought of walking away down $2000 was very much in the back of my mind. I did not want that to happen. Yet I continued playing.

Finally, on one spin I bet on the 1-2 sector. I was at around the $800 mark, so a loss would've effectively killed me. The ball was spinning towards the 0-3 sector when it hit the side of a pocket and ricocheted back towards my section, barely missing the 0-3 sector and landing on 2. Even the dealer said I was lucky.

I was now up $390, and decided that was it for me. Although I would've wanted my $880 back, this was far FAR better than walking out minus $2000. I had the $100 for my car, and whatever else was extra.

And so yes, that is the context to my thinking at the moment. If I end up losing the remainder of the $7000 which I have available, then at least that means I won't gamble anymore. This hinges on the assumption that I won't use my savings to gamble, which I don't think I have ever done as long as I had an outstanding debt (I always used the debt to facilitate the gambling).

If that did occur, I'd still make the minimum payments and save the rest, and I suppose if the savings ever did cross paths with my debt, then I could always just pay it off. But this putting the money into the loan and then withdrawing it again thing has to stop.

So here's to hoping I have the self control to limit myself to gambling about once a week, and to be able to walk away as long as I am up.

On a more philosophical note, I realised that many people like to think they can figure out, or predict, the future - myself included. Sorta. I mean, I know I won't know where the ball will land, but I like to think that I can take an educated guess, mainly being the assumption that it would land in my sector on average 2/3 times.

However, I remember seeing a guy today rubbing his chin, looking at the screen of numbers, probably thinking about what patterns he could discern, if any. Then there was the annoying old man who thought he knew everything.

It just made me think about how we think we can out-smart the system. Not only that, the casino wants us to think we can out-smart the system, so we keep throwing our money away trying, when in reality the system is that they have a 2.7% house advantage by paying 35 to 1 when the odds we're up against is 1 to 37.

Maybe what I've written in this entire post is just another example of someone thinking they can beat the system.

One night in Hilton...

Spent yesterday fixing up the brief for the hearing on Wednesday. I got annoyed at how Wendy kept updating it by adding stuff to it, and there were like five or six versions of the table of contents because of it. But then I reminded myself that if I ever became a barista, I would have to put up with this sort of thing. That helped sooth my annoyance as I patiently verified each part of the brief. What made it worse was that I had already prepared a time line which referenced each event to parts of the brief, so that needed updating as well.

At lunch I went to the MRT. I had seen on their daily hearing list that there was a "Lee" listed for refusal of bridging visa. There was a slight chance that that could be Jin, and I guess I was just curious. However, it was listed at 2pm and when I went it was like 1:20pm, during their lunch time break, so didn't see anyone or anything really.

I then went to the Korean supermarket on the other end of town to get that spicy sausage broth to eat with sushi later that night. Then I went to the Asian supermarket to get some drinks and snacks, and then got some sushi for that night and also for lunch.

At 5pm I left the office to check in at the hotel. The room was pretty fucking awesome. On the 35th floor, it was a spacious room containing a large bed, a mini lounge area, two toilets, a shower and a spa. All this for $649 per night. It made me realise what money could buy, and how stupid I was to throw it all away on gambling.

I returned to the office to get more work done, and later on Matt the Canadian texted me saying he found the pool table place I had told him about. Seeing that I wouldn't see Lina until 3am anyway, I figured it would be better to hang out with him during the night than to test the temptation of the casino. So I replied saying I was up for dinner if he was still going to be in the city later on, and he said yes.

So I did a bit more work before packing up and moving my stuff to the hotel. Again amazed at the room. I got changed and went to the gym. Some people saw me dressed in my bball gear probably wondered how the hell I got onto the executive level, but oh well.

The gym was ok, one strange thing though was as soon as I got onto the bike, the lady on the next bike struck up a conversation with me. I was polite and just made a bit of banter but for the most part kept to myself playing mahjong. She kept coughing and I wondered if she was trying to strike up another conversation. She did, and I realised that was probably her motive. I think she was the same lady who talked to me at the same spot a while ago. When I finished, I just said "have a nice work out" and left, and she said "you too", which I reckon she probably thought was a bit awkward.

I started doing my chin ups again, and could only manage two full sets before only getting up to five on my third set. Such fail.

I then met up with Matt the Canadian, who happened to be at the Hungry Jack's across the road. He was sipping a frozen drink and we chatted a bit before I said I'd take him to a Chinese restaurant. We checked it out before I said we could come back to it after showing him the Friday night market stalls. We ended up eating enough there to not feel hungry anymore, and then I showed him the KGV courts. We then walked back to the main part of the city where we had a Chat Thai drink which he says is very popular in Canada. He wanted to play pool or go check out the casino, but I wasn't really up for either. I told him I didn't want to take someone to the casino if they had never been as it could be a bad influence, and although I stand by that, I wonder if I was being too serious.

I got quiet towards the end, mainly because I was a bit tired, and I was also thinking about the rest of the night, and he probably took it as me not wanting to hang out, so we parted and I headed back to the hotel.

I had earlier texted Lina saying I'd just hang around the city until she finished work which I thought would be around 3am, but she replied saying she would finish maybe at around 5 or 6am. I got a bit annoyed at this, because she knew I had booked the hotel, and I also wondered if this was her way of trying to get me to see her as a customer. This theory dominated my mind for the remainder of the night.

I went to sleep in the hotel room, before being woken up at 12:30am by a message from her, asking me where I was. I said I was at the hotel and asked if she had finished. She said no and asked if I had eaten. We messaged back and forth a bit before I finally stopped replying. I was now tempted to go to the casino or call a girl for an outcall. I started browsing the "who's nearby" in WeChat and realised I was only doing this because I felt lonely and abandoned by the person I liked. I thought that this was probably the same for a lot of other men. I thought maybe if their women gave them enough love and attention, they would stray a lot less.

I managed to resist both and went back to sleep, before being woken up again by a message from her asking if I was asleep and saying she would finish at 5am. I was still wondering if this was just a ploy to get me to see her as a customer. Maybe she was trying to emphasis how late it would be, and so it would be a waste of time for her to even come see me, so that was her out for cancelling later on. Or maybe she wanted me to go see her like last time and be her "last" customer and then we could go to the hotel together.

I wondered about the blurred lines between a prostitute and a client when they start communicating outside of work. For me, I concluded that what really blurred the line was when she paid for the breakfast the other day. To me, that was a pretty good indication that this was outside the client relationship. Add to that the holding hands and kissing on the street.

Thoughts of the casino again crossed my mind, and I may well have given in had it not been for the fact that net bank was down for maintenance until 7:30am.

Down for maintenance! God bless you!!

At 5am she texted me saying she was going now, and so I waited a bit longer before she called and I went down. She was already waiting at the lifts and got in. We went up and she apologised for being late, saying she was going to finish at 3am but her friend had finished work early. She said she had introduced her friend to the agency but the agency didn't like the friend because she wasn't friendly and her English wasn't good. So as her friend left early, she had to "cover up" for those other hours.

Before meeting her I was going to send her a photo of the suite, as it was so fucking amazing, but I thought she had probably been here before and I didn't want to make myself seem like a bogan who was too easily impressed. However, when she saw the suite she made an impressed "whoa" sound as well.

We sat down on the couch, and I she could eat, have a spa or sleep. She said she wanted to eat first, then spa, then sleep. So we started eating the sushi, but she didn't want the broth as soup. She also didn't seem to take too many sips of the drinks I bought.

We talked as we ate, and somehow we got talking about how fat we had gotten, and I said it was because a couple of weeks ago I was studying in the library and eating all day. She asked when my exam results would come out, and said we should celebrate whether I pass or fail.

She asked me how much the room was and I said not to worry. She started guessing, with her highest guess being $400, and I just said not to worry about it.

After eating she said she was tired and we would have the spa the next day. She showered and we slept. Although I had slept on and off, I still managed to drift off to sleep, although I woke up per my usual time and tossed and turned from then on. I would try to snuggle with her but she was too sleepy. I figured I wouldn't push it, as she really did only have about four or five hours sleep at that point. Can't wake someone up just for sex.

I got out of bed a few times to use the bathroom, check out the room, and play on my phone. I ended up laying back in bed, reading on my phone about casinos cheating in roulette. What woke her up was her phone, which was plugged in and charging on the other side of the room where the work station was. She made no attempt to answer it, and it actually rung for so long I started wondering if it was an alarm instead of a ring tone.

The phone rang a second time a bit later and she got up to answer it. She told me she had forgotten about having lunch with her friend at noon. It was now 11:40am. She knew this wasn't satisfactory. I was pissed, and just said "it's ok" and turned to face the window. She knew I was pissed. She apologised to me, went to brush her teeth and came back with the tooth brush in her mouth to make sure I was alright. She said I was angry and I said I wasn't, even though I was, and I was pouting.

I knew the potential this could lead to, so I didn't want to get too angry. But seriously, for fuck's sakes, I had paid $670 for this room from 3pm to 1pm, she gets here at 6am and is now going to leave at 11:40am!!! What the fuck did I pay for???

We both got dressed, and she said something about wanting me to go to lunch with her as well. I wasn't sure if I heard correctly so didn't assume that's what she meant. I wasn't sure what to say, I didn't want to be too pissed off, yet I didn't want to be seen as a door mat either, so I just said "call me when you want to go to Tosung", and she said "no, I will call you every day, even if we don't go to Tosung".

Yeah right.

She then said we could go to Tosung tonight as she wasn't working. When we went down to check out, I was still angry, and she knew it. She even said it, saying something about me paying for one night and all we did was sleep.

When the receptionist gave me the invoice to sign, Lina stepped forward to have a look and saw the price tag. She then made a sound indicating she felt bad about it and said something about not wasting my money.

We walked out and I was starting to accept the whole thing a bit better. She apologised again and I said I can go home and come back for dinner, but she wanted me to join her and her friends for lunch. I asked if her friends could speak English, as I didn't want to sit amongst a bunch of Korean girls who couldn't speak English. She said it would be her friend and her friend's husband, who could both speak English.

We went to this restaurant that was hidden away in an alley. Apparently it was new. I saw a couple sitting down who seemed to greet us as we approached. The girl had this look on her face as she saw me, as if to say "so this is Lina's new boyfriend". Or maybe it was just my imagination.

The guy introduced himself as Eric and shook my hand. The girl didn't really introduce herself. We sat down, and saw that they had began eating already. Guess Lina wasn't lying.

It felt kinda surreal for a while sitting there, as this seemed like a parallel universe to the whole Suri/Ash thing. Like, was this just the same thing all over again? Really? I thought about blackmailing the guy months down the track, and realised he looked like someone I didn't really want to mess with. He had that "tough guy" look.

I found out he works at Westpac, and the girl is actually his wife, and they had to open their cosmetic shop the next day. The guy and I didn't talk much, I asked him if he played any sports, he said no, I said I played basketball, and he said he used to play that every day but now has no time.

The girls spoke a lot to each other, and Lina and I ordered some food. The girl said she was the oldest at the table, and asked me to call her "Nuna". Not sure if that was her name, or if it was  Korean term for the oldest person in a group.

When it came time for paying, every one got up before I did and I gave $50 to Lina to tell her not to let them pay for us. But when I got to the counter, Lina said it was too late and gave me back my $50.

Mental note: Jin would've KEPT your $50.

There was talk about coffee so I said I would get coffee. We went to this coffee shop that was next to their store, and I paid for the drinks. There was even less conversation between Eric and I this time as we sat diagonally across each other. The girls kept talking as Lina flicked through a Korean magazine. There was this one article about a Korean girl committing suicide as she felt humiliated on a reality tv show, and I said I read about that as well.

I flipped through the magazine and later on Lina asked me to go back to the horoscopes page. I said I was the year of the dog, and I asked what year she was to get an indication of her age. She began to point at something like the dragon, before she realised it would reveal her age and refrained, then putting the magazine away.

Lina told me Nuna had said there was an apartment for rent across the road - the one where I had paid to see her before - for $600 per week, with two bedrooms. She was thinking about it, asked me if I thought it was cheap. I said it was, that she could rent one out so rent would only be $300 per week. I was thinking if I moved in then it could be $150 per week.

After coffee we walked behind Nuna and Eric, and Lina again asked me about the apartment.

Don't say what you're thinking. Don't say what you're thinking.

"Together?"

You're a fucking idiot.

She said "really?" before we reached Nuna's store, where I said bye to all of them before leaving. I caught the bus home and was just glad to get away for a bit so I could change and have a shower.

Now suddenly gambling is all ok again

Want an insight into how this disease latches onto your brain and starts reasoning with you?

Today I was in the office as usual. My dad asked for $100 to fix the car window button, as G found it was broken on Saturday, and I really wanted it fixed. Problem was, I didn't have enough in my everyday transactions account, so my plan was to transfer it from my Ubank account. But that required a SMS to be sent to my phone - my old phone - which I had left at home.

Now, I had two options. One was to take the bus home, get my phone and come back. Two, was to gamble and try to win it. I held the microwavable congee that Lina gave me, and was determined not to gamble. I told myself I needed every spare cent I could have access to for the purpose of flying to Korea with her.

So, go home it was. Then I thought about my hearing next week, and how one of the witnesses was served with the summons yesterday. Was he secretly waiting outside for me? God, can't let him see me go to the casino. That's one more reason not to gamble. But wait a minute, if he was outside, and I went home, then wouldn't he find out where I lived?

Can't go home then, no.

And so, off to the casino it was. Never mind the fact that I was going to use $2000 to try to win $100. I told myself that I would bet my usual way and that anything above $100 would be a bonus. I figured I'd only buy $1900 worth of chips, so if I did lose, I'd still have $100 for the car.

Of course, it'd be easier if you just withdrew $100 (instead of $2000) from your personal loan.

Nah.

I headed off to the casino, withdrawing $2000 on the way. I managed to find a table occupied by what looked like two guys. I joined them and bought $1800 worth of chips. I scanned the recent spins result and noticed it was predominantly 1-2 sector, with the occasional 0-3 sector. Perfect, just as according to statistical averages.

After getting my chips, I sat out the first spin. It was a good decision, because it landed in the 0-3 sector. I played the next spin and lost. I played the spin after that, and lost. Unbelievably, it landed on 18 - people had chips on every single number except that number.

I began to panic.

You're not serious are you? You spin 1-2 sector all the time but when I come to the table now, you spin the 0-3 sector three times in a row???

I decided to stick with it, and won on the next spin. I counted my chips and was slightly down. I bet again and won. Now I was up a bit more than $100.

I sat out the next few spins as I started thinking.

This is what you came here for right? Why not leave now?

Lucky too, because the spins I sat out landed in the 0-3 sector. By now I was confident again that it'd land in the 1-2 sector, so I bet. And won.

I was now up $1080. I cashed in and left. My lunch hour was up anyway. I walked back to the bank to deposit my money.

I know this is strange, and it completely doesn't make sense, but leaving with a win makes you feel like a winner. All of a sudden my world wasn't so dark. I started thinking maybe I could do this once a week. Maybe I could pay back my loan by doing this. Maybe I could buy an Audi doing this. Maybe I could actually get rich doing this.

The money would pay for not only the car, but also the hotel night I have booked to spend with Lina. And I still got change left over.

Now, it seems like gambling isn't so bad after all.

/gambler's mentality.

Gallstones

No, not me. Fortunately.

Shuing. He has it.

So it was on Friday that I discovered Malay had returned from his family holiday the day before, and I proceeded to organise a mini catch up with him, Shuing and G. That was when I learnt from G that Shuing had been admitted into hospital due to gallstones in his gallbladder. That explained why he hadn't replied to his work emails or WeChat messages for the last three days.

After seeing Lina, I had enough time to go home to clean up, then drove to pick Malay up. He gave me two presents he got from Japan, and then we went to pick G up. I think he really wants to go on a group holiday with the boys. Not sure how well received it will be if I ever tell them I'm going to Korea (again) with a girl.

We picked up G and went to Chinksford to eat. I really wasn't hungry, and was in fact kinda turned off from food. But the Malaysian restaurant we chose did have menus that looked tempting. I managed to eat a decent amount and had a full drink. I knew these were a few unhealthy days.

After that we drove around a bit before going to Shuing's to see how he was. He came out to my car and we all stood around on the street talking. After being discharged from the hospital, he took the risk by coming back up here to Sydney, which I thought was a brave thing to do. Not sure if I would've taken the same risk.

It was surprising to hear of this news, because even though he wasn't the sportiest of all, he didn't necessarily have a bad diet. I've seen people eat much worse than him and nothing happens to them. But he put it down to largely genetics, and seemed to refuse to admit that diet and exercise have much to do with it.

I could also tell from the WeChat messages that he had become even more cynical from all this, turning his grumpiness towards Thai and Brain. That grim reaper I sent to the group a while ago really had a profound effect on him, as he kept saying the grim reaper wasn't going to get him this time.

Seeing him go through this really made me reflect on my own diet. I give in to temptation a lot. Just today, with this news fresh on my mind, I decided to go to Woolies and buy a pack of chips and a bag of chocolate to eat in the office (along with my healthy home made chicken and lettuce sandwich).

But now I will forever see fatty food in a different light. Also found out earlier tonight that my dad had the same thing when he was 33, and had his gallbladder removed.

Of course! That's what caused the big scar across his stomach! How could I forget!

Lina overnight...

On Friday after work I met up with the old colleagues for dinner. When I got there I saw Cameron sitting awkwardly by himself. We chatted a bit over drinks before the others arrived. We then moved to another table that could accommodate our numbers, and I spent the time talking to Nathan's boyfriend, Mitchell. Genie's husband was there but he seemed a bit quiet. I understood where he was coming from, but I gotta admit, from a third person's perspective, it wasn't a good look - and yet I'm that very person most of the time!!! Damn my hypocrisy.

We later moved into the Thai restaurant, and were having the usual 'pre-order chat', when one waitress came up to ask if we were ready to order. When I said a few more minutes, she said something like "it's Friday night and we're busy", I was shocked. Mitchell and I later bitched about how rude that was. Apparently restaurants expect you to be in and out in two hours.

The people there included Nathan, Mitchell, Genie, her husband Guri, Canda, and her husband Rithy. Cameron had left as he had another dinner to go to. Melissa and Matt weren't there, even though Melissa organised the whole thing. Apparently the curry they had the night before had made them ill. It's pretty unbelievable how many times this happens.

Everything went pretty well. I found Mitchell very easy to get along with, and quite a funny guy too, but he could be "over the top" a bit when it came to his "gay-ness". The food was great, though I would've liked bigger portions.

After that we stood around the dance floor talking a bit, and all I could imagine was Jin being around, even though I was pretty sure she'd be at work.

I kinda couldn't wait to get away from there and them as I had plans next: Lina.

My original plan had been to go home during lunch, to put down my gym bag and grab my old phone. But since it was raining, and I figured I could go without my gym bag for the weekend, I skipped going home, totally forgetting about the need for my old phone.

However, like my latest motto goes: there is always a way. I googled for the agency's phone number and found it. I didn't want to make a call from my new phone, so went to a pay phone to make the call. When the lady asked for my number, she seemed to be checking it against her information to see if I was a new customer. I made a booking to see Lina at 9pm, even though that would mean waiting about 40 minutes. She mentioned that Lina was finishing work at 9pm. I went to withdraw some money and sat around to wait. Finally the lady called me back and told me there was a new address, on Kent Street.

So I walked there and stood outside waiting. Then the lady calls me up to say the customer has extended for one hour. I said I'd wait, and my default thinking was to find somewhere to sit for an hour, but there was nowhere to sit, and it was sprinkling rain. I then decided to go home to get the car, and my old phone.

I caught the bus home, went up to use the toilet, then drove back out. I parked and waited in the car, when I got another call from the lady saying the customer has just extended for 1-2 hours more! She offered another girl called Selena for me to see, but I said I'd wait for Lina. I thought about going to the casino, but didn't. I sat in my car playing on my phone and thinking about the situation:

1. I thought about how it was nearly 11pm now, and to see her in two hours time would mean that'd be 1am.

2. The lady previously said Lina would finish work at around 9pm. I initially wondered if she had Friday night plans, but now realised the lady was lying as she braced for the possibility that I was from Immigration or something. She probably also lied that time when she said Lina was "coming from school".

3. For the customer to extend for so many hours, she must've been really nice to him, and I doubt that every moment was filled with sex. So I was just another schmuck? Answer was a definite yes. Did she prefer him over me? Answer seemed to be a yes. Did she do to him what she did for me? Were they cooking together? Eating together?

I knew I should've driven away and saved myself $250, but I told myself this would be the last time I'd see her. I had the stupid Run Time things to give her, and part of me told me there might have been a possible explanation from her for all this. I felt like Homer doing something extremely dumb.

I sent the lady a message and said "can you ask if this is the last extension? I don't want to wait 2 hours to see another extension". She then sent me a message saying "11:40 ok" and so I got to see Lina at 11:40pm.

I knew I shouldn't have, but I was curious to see who it was extending for so many hours, so I stood right at the entrance to the apartment. Funny thing was, when I got the call from the lady telling me the apartment number and that Lina was ready, I never saw anyone come out. Hmmm.

Anyway, I went up, and noticed there was no little thing on the door for the person inside to peek outside to see who it was. That must suck, to open the door to someone utterly disgusting.

I knocked on the door and moments later, she opened it. She gave a "pleasant surprise" sound but I was too moody to reciprocate, due to all the waiting. I told her I had been waiting and the whole extension thing, and she said the customer was there for six hours. Anyway, I knew I shouldn't make a fuss out of it, as it was her work and I wasn't her boyfriend, so I changed the topic and said I got her something.

She asked me what it was and I hid the bag behind my back so she couldn't see. She tried to dart around me to see but I kept it out of her sight. She asked me again and I said to guess, then she said she saw it and it was Run Time lol. I asked her what my name was and she seemed a bit offended. Who could blame me when she's asked for it on two separate occasions. I gave the bag to her and she took it out. I asked if she had bought any since it was sold out and she said no, and that it was still sold out. I asked her how much it was sold for and she said $50, then I suggested that I could buy more and she could sell them for $45 to her friends and we could make some money. She said even if she sold ten a day, that'd only be $100. Hmmm good point.

She asked me if I was hungry and I said no. She seemed to want to cook for me, but I was actually still full from the dinner and I told her that would mean I'd have to extend the session. I finally gave in and said ok to the cooking. She suggested getting some take away delivered but I said we could do the noodles she suggested earlier. As I stood near the stove, she told me my name and asked if it was correct, and I said yes.

So she started making some Korean instant noodles. She said I'd be her last customer and she'd tell the agency she was tired. She made the instant noodles the same way I'd make them, though she added an egg, saying it helped with the spice, and she also managed to fit two noodles into the small sauce pan.

I checked out the fridge and noted a cute fruit drink. She gave it to me and I declined, because it was the last one, but she gave it to me anyway lol.

We sat at the dining table eating together and watching the Korean alien drama. She told me the customer who had stayed for six hours was a famous Australian person. I was tempted to ask who but refrained. I actually couldn't believe I was eating again, though it did taste pretty alright.

I initially said maybe the guy won some money at the casino, and she told me about how a customer the night before told her she could work at the casino for more money. I said I didn't want her to, but she said she could make more money and work less hours.

As we were eating, there was a buzz on the intercom. She went to press the button and said it wasn't a customer and told me not to worry. Later on, a girl and guy walked in. It was pretty obvious he was a customer. I just thought it was funny for them to see us sitting at the table eating instant noodles and watching tv on her ipad lol.

After they went into a bedroom, I could hear them talking. I said to Lina that I hoped this didn't get her into trouble, and she said there was no problem as I was paying and this was within the hour. Later on, the guy walked out and left. My guess was he couldn't "do it" with us sitting there. Maybe he didn't know I was a customer as well.

When we finished eating we went into the bedroom. She closed the door and we went out to the balcony. I held her as we stood there looking out. It actually felt quite good. I talked her up a bit, saying when I make more money I'd buy something higher up and with a view like this. She said she was buying a car for her brother in Korea, and then talked about going back in August. I said I'd come as well and she asked for how long, and I said two weeks, and she said she would be there for four.

She also said she would be doing her plastic surgery to look younger, and I told her I didn't want her to, but she insisted. She also said it'd be cheap.

We then moved back into the bedroom. I wasn't sure what would happen, as I was sure we'd be running out of time. I said I could drive her home, but she said she had one more customer. She then told me to get a hotel.

Whoa...serious??

I said ok and then she started giving me more stuff lol. Like last time, she gave me some of those powders to mix with water, and a small rice congee thing.

When I walked out I tried to get a good look at the other girl. She seemed Chinese, and older. Never seen her before, which was good.

I left the apartment and drove off looking for a hotel. My initial thought was the Ibis I went to with Jin, but then decided to do a search to see if I could get anything better. I gave up on the search as it was too hard on my mobile, then went to the Ibis. But they were dealing with customers inside, and the automatic doors were locked due to the hour, so I stood outside waiting. When I felt I had waited long enough, I left and went to the Ridges.

I went and booked a room for $188 for the night, which I didn't think was too bad. I went back to pick Lina up but she said she had to go give the agency the money and then she'd meet me there. So I drove back and waited in my car a bit before going to the convenience store to see what I could buy. Nothing came to mind so then I decided to wait in the hotel room. It was nice, but no view as it was next to another building.

I then went to the convenience store to get some mouth wash, and returned to the hotel. I waited for an hour and was texting Scope back and forth about flipping Watch Dogs, the Decsec edition. I started wondering if she'd really show up.

Had I just bought a night for nothing?

Was she just playing with me? Why would she make me waste my money like this? I haven't done anything to her...

How long does it take to drop some money off?

I finally texted her asking where she was. After a few minutes (which seemed more like ages) I decided to just spend the night by myself. I had paid for it anyway. So I stripped off and got into bed, knowing pretty well that she'd probably contact me now that I'd done this.

And I was right. Eight minutes later she sent a message saying she'd be there in five minutes. So I turned all the lights back on, got dressed and went down. I waited a few moments before she arrived in a car. I asked if she wanted to go to the convenience store to get something. She thought about it and then said yes.

We went and got two bottles of water, two bottles of Pocari Sweat, and a pack of chips. I paid for it and left. I gave her one of the hotel cards and had her use it to get inside and access the lifts. I asked if she'd been here before and she said yes.

We went into the room and she took her off clothes, bar an undershirt she was wearing. She even took off her bra under that. I took off my shirt but kept my pants on. We laid down on the bed, eating and drinking and talking. I asked her for her Korean name, and she said something about changing her name when she was 30, to something like Yun Seul. She even typed it out for me and asked for my thoughts. She said it had to do with a fortune thing, but also said something about changing it on her passport so she could come back.

She started talking about her visa situation. I think this is her second working holiday visa. She said she was scared when she came back to Australia via Brisbane because she didn't work on a farm for three months, and she was interviewed by an Immigration officer, who took her phone and examined it. She said after the interview she was free to go. I had asked her before if she was studying here and she said no, but she'd get a student visa to return.

I knew I shouldn't have, but I told her about Jin contacting me, and asking for $55,000. She told me not to contact her and I said she contacted me first. She asked to see the messages and I told her it was on my other phone which I didn't have with me. Phew.

I talked about winning the lotto. She asked me how much the prize was and I said it varies, it could be anything from $1m to $70m. I said if I won $70m I'd give her half, and give some to my friends. I then corrected myself by saying I'd buy my friends houses instead, and give her a pack of chips. She played along and said a pack of chips a day. I asked if she won how much she would give me, and she gave what I thought was a smart answer - the money is ours to share.

We eventually turned off the lights but left the tv on and went to sleep. I thought we were gonna have sex. She said to take my pants off and tugged at my underwear (by then I had already taken my pants off), but when she realised it was my underwear she asked me to keep it on. We started kissing but when I got on top of her she said not to get over excited. And so with that, we just slept.

I think I must've woken up a few times during the night. One time I went to the bathroom and turned the tv off. Other times I just tossed and turned. I woke up at around 6:30am and couldn't really go back to sleep, though she was still sleeping. She adjusted herself at times, which meant sometimes I'd be holding her, and sometimes she'd be holding onto me.

I must've dozed off again until 10ish, when I told her we had to go soon. She slept for another half an hour before asking me if I wanted to go for breakfast. I had to meet the guys at 1pm, but said yes. She asked me to shower and we fondled each other a bit, and when she asked about it, I said we didn't have enough time and she said "you are cute".

We got ready and dressed, then checked out. To my surprise, she was willing to hold my hand out on the street. She noticed the Kakao restaurant on Liverpool Street was open and wanted to go there, so we did. I pointed out my car when we were across the road. We ordered, and then I left to get a ticket for my car, only to see I had already been issued an infringement notice. Fuck.

I told her and she understood. The food was actually quite good, despite the fact that I wasn't hungry and I was feeling I had over eaten way too much. I had thought that it would be awkward eating with her, as there wouldn't be much to talk about, but we actually managed to talk throughout the whole meal.

We talked about Korea, and I asked about her life in Korea before she came to Australia. She seemed pretty honest, saying she tried to apply for university to study pharmaceutical but didn't get the marks for it, so she came here. She said initially she was a massage girl but complained about something relating to the hours.

After eating, she seemed to make the first move by getting up from the table. I had a suspicion she wanted to get to the bill first, but from all the Jin experience, I couldn't believe this was possible. I tried to put my jacket on quickly to stop her but she insisted, and she actually ended up paying for the meal!!! WTF!!!

We went to the grocery store as she had said the night before she needed to do some grocery shopping. It reminded me a bit of the time I was there with Jin, and I wondered if the store lady recognised me. Anyway, she got her stuff and I offered to pay for it, which was only about $62.

I drove her home, which was on Pitt Street as well, but more towards Central. I got the bags out of the car and we kissed goodbye and then I left.

I know it was probably a night outside my budget, being the $250 for the hour, $200 for the hotel, and $62 for the groceries, but it could've been a lot worse by losing $2000 at the casino.

I still can't believe she paid for breakfast...

I wonder if this means she's genuinely interested in me?