5-6-1 / The day I turned 29

How I spent my birthday yesterday.

I woke up yesterday and before even getting out of bed, I told my parents it was my birthday. They had forgotten. They said they'd get a cake. My mom asked me to go to Myer to buy a shirt for my dad and I as a birthday present.

I went to work a bit late. I was quite happy in the morning. Although it was just another office day, I told myself it was my big day and I should be happy, so I was. I spent the whole day working on the extradition thing for Mary, and the first half of the day also emailing with Ele back and forth. I was careful to go quiet during lunch because I didn't want her to suggest lunch. I figured she was a married woman after all, and I didn't want to get too close. Although I'm confident she finds me just as a friend, I can't help but wonder what she subconsciously feels.

I went out to buy a quarter chicken during lunch and made a sandwich back at the office. Yummm.

I left work at about 5ish and went to Myer. I bought the shirt for my dad but didn't buy one for myself. I don't know why, I just wasn't feeling it. I looked at some shoes and wanted to buy a pair, but wasn't prepared to dish out $70 for it, even though it was a bit of a bargain. I figured I'd just bear these school-boy shoes till the end of the year, and there'll be the christmas sales by then.

I called Malay and organised to meet up. On the bus ride home, nurse lady got on the bus.

Great.

I was already seated, and had my eyes on these two pretty girls who had gotten on. They sat in front of me, and behind them was nurse lady. She sat across the aisle from them. At first I wasn't sure if she saw me, but then it was later confirmed as she kept turning her head sideways to try to see if I had noticed her. I don't know why on earth she'd care, since she's married now. Obviously I felt more the loser than her - I had fallen into a gambling addiction and was somewhat involved with a prostitute, earning the entry level money for a lawyer. But of course, she didn't know all that I suppose. I did sit there feeling a bit embarassed I was wearing my 'crappy' black suit - the one where the shoulder pads I was once proud of now seem more like cardboard slices. I wished I'd worn my slim and slick one. But other than that, I didn't really care, checking my phone or turning my mind elsewhere for most of the time.

I went home, and started eating my birthday cake when Malay called. I went to meet him and we walked to Ole together. He bought me Bad Meets Evil, but I already bought that :(

We went to Ole and shared a large chips. I told him the reason I wanted a place with outside seating was because...and I pulled out a cigar I'd bought during lunch. They were $15 each and I bought two. At first I was shown the vanilla ones, but they were thin as a pencil. I wanted one like Wolverine's. I also bought a cigar cutter.

Anyway, Karl jogged by and we started talking. I thought it was just going to be a quick stop-by chat, but after a while it seemed like he might as well sit down. He told us Marc had cancer in his arm...damn. No wonder he seemed a bit angry at the world via his fb status updates.

Anyway, we agreed to do dinner one time and then he left. Malay and I then proceeded with the cigar. After we cut it, we didn't even know which end to smoke, lol. It really wasn't anything special. The taste was kinda...dark and heavy. Definitely not chocolatey like it seems. I don't know why it's worth so much. I barely tasted it at all. I really needed to focus.

We smoked half of it and then I put it back in the container. He told me about a date he might go on the next day. I had asked if he wanted to meet up so that's how he told me about it. I told him to go, but I felt like I was a jealous friend with a secret crush. I guess it wasn't a good feeling to realise that one of my last single friends was beginning to hook up. However, I felt saved a bit when he told me she seemed to fob him off a bit.

Anyway, I left after that and went home to get ready for bball. I went there by myself because Any didn't feel like it. I had a feeling he didn't like playing with Angelo. Any tries to emphasise team ball, but Angelo is a bit of a hog.

I wore my tracksuit pants for the first time since...like I was in uni or high school. I'm still not very comfortable with the short shorts.

When I got there, Phil and Nick were already there. We sat down and I found myself mainly wanting to talk to Nick. I didn't mean to snub Phil, but 1) I find it hard to understand him; and 2) we don't seem to have that much in common.

It feels like Nick and I can talk about anything, kinda like how A and I are. We talked about Any and Angelo, the NBA, and work.

We had everyone tonight except Any and Mike. I started, leaving Phil and Bo on the bench. I scored the first two points - a jumper off the backboard from the left side of the court. When it left my hands, I knew it was off. But then I realised it was so off that it might just hit the backboard and go in, lol. I felt confident after that.

I didn't play as aggressive D as I wanted. That anger from last week had died down a bit. Or maybe I just didn't get the opportunity. They never really came at me, they seemed to pass it as soon as I got up to them.

We did good in the first ten minutes or so, going up by eight, then I went off for Phil, and I had Bo go on for Nick a few minutes later. That's when I first noticed the change. We just stopped scoring, stopped rebounding, and committed bad fouls. I told myself it was only the first half, so we had plenty of time to recover.

What I underestimated was how damaging these 'experiments' in the first half could be. Before I knew it, I walked off at halftime looking at the scoreboard and seeing that we were down by two.

Angelo was pretty vocal during halftime. I didn't mind, I tried to listen to what he was saying. He wanted us to spread out 3-2 on offense. So we did. Although it created more passing, it was the same result: him driving it and missing, or taking tough shots and missing.

I scored two more points on a drive. The other team seemed to take the view (rightly) that I wasn't going to shoot, so when they were just blocking my passing lane, I basically walked in and hit a little floater.

We lost by about ten.

Nick was espcially pissed because he thought (like me) we could really beat this team. I still don't know how they beat us.

Phil, Nick, Bo and I caught the train back. Nick didn't seem too convinced about Angelo being the problem when I raised it with him before the game, but now things were different. He said he was going to have a talk with him during the week. Apparently when Abi made a bad pass to Angelo, Angelo said "nowhere near me, nowhere near me". Wow. It's one thing to be vocal and aggressive against the other team, but when you start speaking out against your own teammates, it's a different thing.

So I felt a bit dejected as I walked from the train station to the bus stop, because 1) we lost; 2) it was late and cold; and 3) I had planned to buy KFC with Any, but now it was no KFC :(

I went home and ate something and stayed up late, even though it was past midnight and therefore no longer my birthday.

So that's how I spent my 29th.

Today I woke up late, hehe. I drove my parents to my dad's work, and then returned home. I prepared my hair and then went to renew my driver's licence. It was going to be for five years, so I didn't want a bad hairstyle.

Here's the thing: after I prepped my hair, I played around with taking a photo with the cigar. In EVERY SINGLE photo I took, my hair came out different to how it looked in the mirror. For some fucked up reason (maybe I'm just dis-illusioned) whenever I look into the mirror, but hair is pefect. Just the way I want it - somewhat spiked, but the front is combed to the side.

I take the photo, and it looks COMPLETELY DIFFERENT! My hair is swayed all the way to one side, like it's some sort of short haired feminist look. So gay. Fuck. Lucky I did that. So then I changed it again and just made it a more conservative comb over. Ah I am so shaving it off when winter is over.

Anyway, I went to the Bra and to the motor registry. A somewhat cute Asian girl served me, but seemed a bit abrupt. She was at least nice enough to let me keep my old licence when I asked for it. When I took the photo, she told me to take my glasses off and not to smile. The glasses thing was my main concern. And to think I unncessarily struggled last time with the eye test without my glasses.

I then went to pick up my suit from the dry cleaners in the Wick. I parked in the shopping centre. I walked past the shop because I wanted to use the bathroom and eat something first, but I noticed the girl at the shop was talking to someone. She wasn't the usual lady who was there, she was a lot younger. Maybe even attractive, I don't know, it was just a quick glance and I didn't give it much more thought.

So after using the bathroom, I bought a cheeseburger meal to eat as I looked over my new licence. It was a bit of a mug shot since I wasn't smiling. But I definitely had aged since my last photo.

After that I went to pick up my suit. The girl was by herself now, playing on a laptop. I gave her the ticket and said I was picking up a jacket. That's when I realised, holy shit, she was the hot receptionist from Fitness First!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FOOK!!!

I watched as she went looking for my jacket. After a short moment, she finally found it and picked it off the rack. She nearly stumbled over her chair as she came over to me. I said thanks and paid, and she said no worries. As I took it from her I said thanks again (totally stupid) and she said no worries again. I noticed a ring on her right hand but just missed her left hand. I thought about saying "sorry but didn't you work at Fitness First?" but damnit I didn't. Goddamn. Maybe next time.

But I walked off feeling like another opportunity had arisen. I drove off, towards the city and onto the bridge. I wanted to go for a drive. I was headed towards that nice scenic drive I went for a while ago on my way to court.

I only had half a tank of petrol left, which was pretty stupid. So once I got off the highway and onto one lane roads amongst farms and trees, the thought of running out of petrol started weighing on my mind. I thought about turning around, but when I missed a turn, I figured I'd just continue onto either Gosford or Newcastle.

I ended up back on the road to Sydney, so at least I'd have enough petrol for that. I filled up when I got back to Sydney. Malay asked if I wanted to meet up. I thought about it, but then just wanted to be by myself. I wanted to reflect on reaching 29.

I think a goal I had was to be debt free by this birthday. Although I hadn't reached it, at least I am in the positive now - a far cry from my financial position last year. I had also checked my high interest savings account in the morning - the interest I have earned this month is more than the interest I earned for the whole of the last financial year! That's disgusting.

I ended up driving to the shopping centre near me. All of a sudden I had an urge to watch Saw 7. So I went to JB and bought it. I thought about going to the seaside to polish my car, but it was starting to look like rain so I just headed home and watched like half of Saw 7, even though I haven't finished X-Men 2.

I had secretly hoped Naby would send me a happy birthday message from overseas, but wasn't really expecting it, so it didn't hurt that much when nothing came through. Can't believe she'll be back in a week or so.

When I turned down Malay's invite today, he said the girl had ignored his messages. It made me wonder about how Naby would stop with the messages after a few exchanges. Was that the same? Were they comparable? I mean, Naby did give me her number. She does reply most of the time. And we have said "I love you". Hmmm.

So, I am now 29.

The pre-birthday lunch with Ele

Yesterday after work I went to the gym. I could feel my left shoulder starting to have that familiar pain, so I stayed away from the weights, and just did the bike and four sets of abs.

Late yesterday I sent an email to Ele asking her if she was ok from Saturday. She replied today saying she was and asked if I was free for lunch. I said yes and we tentatively agreed on around noon, just before I realised I was to have a conference with a cop sometime today (didn't know when exactly, I told the cop to drop in whenever).

Luckily the cop came at around 11am. She was...a lot more beautiful than I expected. Because the matter had progressed somewhat sloppily, I thought it'd be some old, tired cop sick of her job. But she was young and seemed to be full of enthusiasm.

As I walked her to the door, I walked into the damn blue bins they line up on the side of the wall. Damn, I must've looked like an idiot.

I probably wasn't prepared, or maybe she was indeed that beautiful, but I wasn't very good during the conference, looking like I hadn't gone through the brief. At one point we were looking at a CD on my computer, and she moved next to me. She bent forward to point to the monitor, and that's when I realised her gun was like 10cm from my face.

I don't know why, but there was something EXTREMELY sexy about that. Such danger...such proximity...such beauty.

I was kinda glad when the conference ended, cause I didn't want to miss the lunch with Ele.

We met at Home Thai, a restaurant on the street of her office. I nearly walked past it but she called out to me. She had already gotten a table. She said she called ahead but they wouldn't let her book as they needed four or more persons, so she got there and waited first. Wow.

She asked if today was my birthday, and I said it was tomorrow. We talked about property investments at first, and then we talked a bit about Friday night. We both agreed that Victoria was a bit of a control freak, lol.

Then she told me about how Evonne had lied to her about her grades, failing a course because she wanted to go clubbing instead. She also developed a habit of getting guys to pay for her meals, and asked me how she should 'fix' this problem. I told her my story of how when I was young I was a bit like her - I took her back to that dinner a while ago at Doma, where the girls had to guess the guys' high school scores, and how I turned out to have the lowest. I told her I didn't care much about school, until I felt like I was humiliated by guys from the better school.

She had a bit of a smirk on her face, but didn't say anything. I think usually people, especially girls, get a bit freaked out if I told them that, because then I seem like some sort of psycho ultra-competitive guy. But who knows what she was thinking.

I told her because of that, Evonne needed to be tested in life.

She caught me glancing at my watch (doh!) and we ate for a short while longer because I suggested leaving (it had been past an hour). We hugged once out on the street, and she said she wanted to have lunch tomorrow on my birthday. I didn't really want to, so I said I might have a conference on, but we did agree to organise to watch Transformers on Saturday.

I hurried back to the office. I always fear the worst when I go out for an hour lunch, so was surprised to come back to...nothingness. Nothing had exploded, no one was angry, and I felt a bit...ignored, lol.

I realised I had forgotten to thank her for lunch, so I sent her an email thanking her. To my surprise, what came back was an email of about four full paragraphs. It started by saying how I should just take it for granted, because we were such good friends. She went on about how good of a friend I was and thanked me for being her friend. It was actually a bit too much for me, and I felt that "shit, run away" feeling.

I skipped the gym tonight. I stayed back at work late then used the internet there to send out a group email about Saturday, and by then I figured it was probably a bit late. Hmmm...so it'll be my birthday tomorrow.

5-5-1

On Monday and Tuesday I went to the gym after work. I can't believe I'm getting back into it despite the cold. Maybe it was just my sickness followed by the heavy rain that put me out for a bit. I thought I would be out of it the whole of winter.

On Wednesday after work I met up with Any at about 7pm in the city to go to bball together. He said he was about to not come to the game, saying he just didn't feel like it. I asked if he had been doing nothing all day, because I'd feel like not playing if I did nothing all day too, but he said he had been doing a lot. Hmmm.

The second half of our train ride just lapsed in silence. He started listening to his music and I just looked out the window, half thinking about what to say and half thinking of Naby when we passed the amusement park.

Once we got there, we watched Turkcrock and JO play. Turckrock was winning most of the game but JO ran it late in the second half and came back to win it. But the thing I noticed was that the fat guy on Turckrock really needs to be stopped. He's like Shaq.

I warmed up a bit by jogging around. We were playing Laters. It would be our first meeting even though we have played one team twice now.

Nick asked who wanted to be starting five, which I thought was a bit odd. I mean, just pick any five and we'll go with it. I nominated myself which I also thought was a bit odd. Guess I wanted to be more assertive.

I was really focusing on playing harder defense. We played a 3-2 zone to stop their threes, so I covered a lot of the perimeter. Early on, I picked up a couple of fouls. Then at one point, I was screened to my left, I yelled out "moving scream" and the cunt who screened laughed and said "yeah right".

Ok. That did it.

It went to the left corner where I hustled, and when it went back to him, I said "shoot it, shoot it!", and he was about to so I jumped, but instead he leaned into me and the ref called a foul on me, saying I had been aggressively in the corner.

WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?!

So he called a foul not for the contact that just happened (which wasn't even a foul on me) but for what I did seconds earlier!!! FUCK!!! It just sounded like he didn't like me playing D. So apparently now I'm not allowed to play D.

I was about to lose it, but then with what little self control I had left, I took myself out of the game. I already had three fouls and didn't want to do anything drastic.

I sat on the bench. Nick told me I had been rorted. I was silently fuming inside. That cunt Vietnamese guy had just earned my ire.

We were up about eight to ten for most of the game. I started in the second half, and tried to play the same intense level of D, but for some reason Angelo called me back off the perimeter, like he had said during halftime. Then they hit some threes.

I took myself off after about five minutes and never went back on. It became close, and I just didn't know who to take off. I thought about Any because some of his drives were crazy off, but he was so built I felt like I couldn't replace his intimidating presence.

They slowly started to catch up. And before we knew it, it was a tied game with 13 seconds to go. I told them during a timeout to get the ball into Nick first, and if not, then Angelo could drive it in.

What happened was Any took the ball up, passed it to Angelo, who didn't even look for Nick, but waited for the clock to run down before driving it in. The ball was stripped and it was given to the other team with a fraction of a section left.

Tie game.

I couldn't believe there was no foul, and I couldn't believe the ref said it was their ball. Wow. Fucking wow.

I decided not to be the small man and went to shake each of their hands, but there was a lot of complaining afterwards.

Nick just seemed to rush off, not sure if he had to go or if he was pissed.

Any, Phil and I walked to the station together. I was still fuming about stopping me from playing D. Any was regretting that three he took towards the end which rattled in and out.

We saw Nick at the train station. He said he missed his train.

I told him Angelo was a good player, but could not understand why he would call us to drop back when all they could do was shoot threes. I just could not understand it. Any said the same, though he later suggested maybe it was so we lower the fouls. I don't know about that.

I went to sleep massively pissed off.

I woke up the next day massively pissed off.

Although it was hidden on another side of me when I was dealing with things in the office, I felt like it could come bursting out at any moment. I was so pissed off I went for an angry run during lunch. I ran to KGV and up the hill. All I could think off was that cunt of a Vietnamese guy laughing. I had thoughts of smashing him. I had thoughts of strangling him. I wanted to make him feel sorry for doing that.

I don't normally run back to the office, but this time I did. I even sprinted when there was enough space on the footpath.

In the afternoon, we had a bit of an afternoon tea as it was Ogre's and Cameron's birthday the day before, and also to welcome Rat to our branch. I went to say hello to her on Wednesday and she started talking about one of her cases and I was stuck there for the next 30 minutes. Far out.

Anyway, it was interesting to watch on during the afternoon tea. I was careful not to disclose that my birthday was next week, as I didn't want any attention. I watched DS out of the corner of my eye, initially wondering if he'd even show up for this at all. His heavy eyebrows seem like they are always pulling him down, and his sleepy smile acts as a comforting reminder of his younger years when he was probably not as much of a pessimist.

Mary was very chatty as usual, talking with Anne and Clare. I silently admired Anne's ability to respond and say things as quickly as she did. Maybe because I'm an introvert, but I'll never know how when someone talks about one thing, her mind will just click and she'll either add onto it or talk about something else but still come off as smoothly talkative.

After work I went to Myer just to see what was going on. I ended up buying a Van Heusen shirt for myself and my dad. It said it was $40 each, but I forgot about the 30% discount they had, and then when I used my MyerOne card, it was a further 10% off, so I got each for a little over $25!

On Friday I was still pissed off. I was to meet Ele and co for dinner and bowling after work, but dinner got cancelled and instead they decided to eat at Cargo Bar. I pictured people sitting around with expensive drinks trying to make small talk, and I've never been a bar type of person, so I told Ele I'd go to the gym first and get there later.

So after work, I went to the gym and worked out to my anger again. I kept picturing that cunt of a Vietnamese guy whenever I needed some extra boost. After gym, I went back to my office to change.

As I was nearing the bar, Ele called and asked me where I was. I said I was nearly there. I remember feeling like I didn't want to go at all, because of my anger, I wasn't in a mood to socialise. I just wanted to be by myself. But after Ele's call, I felt soothed a bit, and I looked forward to seeing her.

I went to the wrong place, which was pretty embarassing. They asked me if I had a reservation and got turned away when I said no.

Anyway, found the place and them at a table right next to the entrance. Don't know why, but Samuel, the guy I dislike the most in that group, I always seem to greet first. I greeted him, Yang and Bill. A girl with very short hair and glasses introduced herself as Victoria. They had apparently finished eating. I said I'd go get a drink, glad that I had managed to skip the cost of a meal, but unglad that I now had to pay a premium for a lemonade.

While I was waiting in line, Ele and Yang came to get me, saying we were going to bowling now and I could get food and drinks there. As we walked towards the exit, Ele said something about my appearance and told me to go into the toilets quickly.

I thought I must've had a boogey showing in my nose (as that is what I'm most paranoid about) and so I went in and cleared my nose. Yang came to get me and I asked if he knew what she was talking about. He laughed and said no. I said his wife was crazy. It hurts me a tiny little bit everytime I have to refer to her as "his wife" to him.

When we went out, I asked her what was wrong, and she said my hair was sticking up. I had checked my hair in the bathroom and it was like how I wanted it. I told her it was supposed to be that way, and nudged her head. Geez...

We went to bowling, as I walked with Yang and Samuel. We talked a bit about the discounts that they (Ele) told me about.

When we got there, I realised the white guy was part of our group and was actually Victoria's boyfriend or husband. That was pretty surprising. He seemed like a fairly good looking bloke, and she was...look, she probably looked older than she was with that hairstyle, but it just seemed like an odd match. But it made me think: if something like that could work, then why not Naby and I?

As we were standing around waiting to pay and to get our shoes, I introduced myself to Peter as earlier he had given me a nod which I had inadvertently ignored. Daniel was also there and we just talked a bit about bowling balls.

There was another girl (Shirley) I noticed there who I'd never seen before. Ele tried to introduce her to me, but she seemed to get distracted when Ele couldn't pronounce her name correctly. "So much for that", I thought.

Apparently someone had organised the lanes, so I sat there wrongly thinking I'd be in Ele's lane. They started first as our lane was still being occupied by a couple who were clueless that we were waiting for them. Instead of bowling, they spent most of the time talking to eachother.

On my lane were Shirley, Samuel, some lady called Wan or something, Bill and Victoria. I didn't talk to Shirley much at first, but when she sat next to me I thought maybe I should talk to her. I find that girls have their backs to you and don't initiate conversation, but once you start talking to them, they're pretty ok.

Later on Ele asked either Bill or me to go help her bowl, as she was doing pretty poorly. Bill didn't make a move so I went for it. Funnily enough, after I gave her some basic instructions, her bowl was waaaaay off, which made Victoria point and laugh at me. I had my face in my hands, laughing.

Unbeknownst to me, I was actually bowling pretty well. I got either a nine or a spare for most of my bowls, and ended up with a score of 118 at the end of the first game.

Ele fell really badly on a bowl, and was down on her bum for a bit. I decided to let Yang go attend her, and not increase the humility by going over there. Some insensitive guy was laughing very loudly from another lane - he was lucky my anger had been subsided by being around Ele.

She was ok, which was good to see. But I was still a bit concerned, since she seemed to fall pretty hard. She resumed bowling after a bit of a break, which was good to see.

The second game was more of the same of the first, although I wasn't doing as well till the very end, and got a score of 124.

After bowling Ele asked what I wanted to do, and I said Norita. She seemed to be up for it, but others wanted to go home, so that was the end of that. I walked with Bill, Daniel, Vivian and William to Town Hall. I thought Ele might have asked if I wanted a lift with Samuel and them, but she didn't. Maybe she knows we don't like eachother. I wouldn't have accepted it anyway.

After parting with them, I went to my office to retrieve my gym bag, and then bought some KFC to take home. What pissed me off was the bus not coming as per schedule, making my KFC a lot colder than it should've been.

On Saturday morning I went to the courts to train. I was still angry. I'd heard about people talking about the small guy on the other team saying he was quick. I wasn't as quick, but I told myself I could be as quick. So I went to the court to do sprints, and ended up doing three sets of fast suicides.

After that I walked to the office, and Genie was there. We talked a bit twice before she left at about 3pm. I left a bit later after that having completed one large part of my minute.

I went to the gym. I was still feeling it, and remembered what Any had told me about his workouts - he did ten sets of everything. There was no way I could do ten, but I decided to make a move and do four sets of what I usually do. I realised the mentality is so much different. For example, after having done two sets, I was of the view that there was still a long way to go - after all, I'd only gone half way. But if this was the day before, I only had one more set to go and had done 66% of the work. The thing was, I wasn't tired after my third set, because I knew I had one more to go, and it felt like my body was preparing for that. But if I'd only set out to do three sets, my body would've felt exhausted after three sets.

After gym, I went to the supermarket to get some food to eat at home, like pies, sausages and chips. I had initially decided to catch the bus, but then I figured it might be good training to walk home carrying the grocery. I pictured Ryu walking home alone with his resources for the week.

I didn't realise it until close to the end, but the plastic bags were really hurting my fingers. I guess my music helped take my mind off things. I was listening to angry music, which only provoked further thoughts of strangling the Vietnamese cunt.

When I got home, my legs were pretty tired.

I sent a message to A cancelling swimming for the rest of winter. I just didn't feel like it in the cold, and also, the last time when I felt pressured to swim fast wasn't very pleasant. I felt bad for bailing, but he seemed ok with it.

Today, I waited until my dad came back from swimming, and then at 11am I went down to wash the car. I noticed some new light scratches with blue paint at the rear left corner of the car, which really annoyed me. I spend so much time trying to keep the car nice and he seems to drive it recklessly.

I then drove to Bondy to pay my phone bill, and ended up buying 'Bad meets Evil' - Eminem's new album, and X-Men 2. I know I shouldn't have, but it was Eminem, and I've been wanting to watch X-Men 2 for a while now, having lost the copy Dunnycan gave me.

I went to Myer to check out their shoes, as I needed a new pair cause the ones I'm currently wearing look a bit nerdy, but the cheapest they had was $99 and I wasn't ready for that. At the end of the year, when I pay off my credit card, I told myself.

I was eager to listen to the new album so went back to my car and put it in, and went for a drive to get petrol and also to the beachside. It seems ok, but I will need time to digest it.

I changed when I got home, and went to work on my car again. I spray painted the large paint job on the left front corner I had botched a while ago with very dark paint. It looked a lot better now, but still regret having botched the job before. Next time, if the paint is too dark, don't do it!

I felt it was the perfect weekend - I got to go to the courts, got some work done, and worked on my car. Although I am starting to miss seeing the guys a bit. Also miss Naby, as I think about her every night I go to sleep.

Mean streak

Somewhere between the rejection by Rhiannon, being looked down on by the guys from Sydney Boys and being turned down by the multitude of law firms, he developed a mean streak.

So this is what cheaters must feel...

Yesterday I really didn't do much at all, intentionally. I just felt like I wanted to do nothing. I stayed at home and when my parents came back with the car in the afternoon I drove to the Wick. I handed my black suit jacket in for dry cleaning (the old one) and donated two pieces of clothing I could not see myself wearing ever again. It was something my mom bought me while I was in uni - I just felt like I needed to make room for new stuff, stuff that I bought for me, to suit me. Besides, it always feels good to do something charitable. There is something genuine and kind about the guy's smile as I hand in my items of clothing.

After that I went for a drive to the sea side. I had fantasies of taking Naby there for dinner one night, and maybe if it's not too cold, we can go watch the waves. I missed driving. I hadn't drove for about a fortnight I think. I really don't like how I always find the car with rubbish inside and new scratches on the outside. I want to buy a cheap car for my dad to use, but they are against it.

I returned home, fixed up a patch of dark paint on the front left bumper, and then stayed at home the rest of the day.

Today, I walked to work and got there at about 11am. Junar and Melissa were also there, though I only saw Junar. At lunch I went to the gym, did cycling, worked on chest and abs. I thought about KFC for lunch but they didn't have the meal deal I saw at the Wick, so I ended up buying Macca's. I worked until 4pm and then walked home.

I was working on a minute for a sex case I have. It relates to a shop I've never been to. I don't know if this is bad of me (is it bad that I don't know?) but I was turned on a little as I read the statement of the girl. I kept relating it to Naby. My body told me to go to a shop afterwards, but I knew if I did, I would feel bad about myself having cheated on Naby, cheating on myself.

Also, the girl in the statement had a boyfriend who would drive her to work. I just thought he was a bit of a loser for driving his girlfriend to work to have sex with other guys. But then again, I wondered, am I headed that way?

Anyway, ever since the Amy thing, I have been thinking. Her words "I am lucky to find you" (or something like that) and "maybe when you are not tired you can come back" have got me thinking. Part of me feels that Naby will turn down my offer for dinner, and hence she only wants me as a customer. Amy, on the other hand, seemed to appreciate me, and her being a nurse, made it seem just a little more probable that we could have a decent future together.

Part of me thinks I should ask Naby out to dinner, and if she refuses, I should stop seeing her and start seeing Amy. But is that really what I want to do? On the one hand, I stopped seeing Lily just like that, and never really gave her much thought when Naby returned. Moving on from Lily was easy. But on the other hand, if I had my time again, I would not have stopped seeing Jenny just because she turned down my movie invitation. I may have seen her more to ask her once more. I felt like Jenny and I had grown too strong of a connection to just stop like that. With Naby, the connection is even stronger, and it might/would be wrong of me to just cut things off like that.

But the very act of thinking about moving on from Naby to Amy must be what it feels like in the initial stages for people contemplating cheating. They, like me, must think there is greener grass on the other side. Maybe there is, maybe there isn't. But I have sort of made a decision and I would like to sort of stick with it.

It's been nearly two weeks since she left, and I'm starting to miss her. The first week, maybe not so much, but I am starting to feel it now. One of the most memorable moments is when I asked her to sit down and close her eyes, and she stuck her lips out for a kiss. Soooooo adorable!

5-5 / Mock Trial

On Wednesday I left work at 4:30pm to go to that mock trial thing at the girls school near me. I was nervous because it'd be my first one. I also thought about how it was the same school that Gene and WY went to. If people knew, would that show I had any bias? Either in favour of or against? And how about the fact that I went to the public school which was looked down on by their boys' counterpart?

The rain had stopped and I hoped it would hold off. I went there in my coat and had my fitness first bag with me. I was surprised when I got there because the whole room was set up with parents and teachers. I was quickly greeted by the teacher who told me it was supposed to start at 4:30pm. She was pretty nice about it.

I didn't even have time to look around the room before I was told to go outside to formally walk in. As I was walking in, I couldn't believe it was already starting!

I looked up and saw the contestants. Six girls who were probably also nervous as fuck. It started like driving a new car. I sorta knew what to do but it felt new. Being the judge was very different. It was definitely a lot harder than I thought. For one, I had to really focus and concentrate, especially since they were reading and talking too fast, it was hard to take notes.

It also made me see myself through the eyes of a judge. You start forming opinions on their appearance, their demeanour, and how they respond. Sometimes you get distracted with irrelevant thoughts.

The main thing was that I had control. I controlled everything, from the pace, the structure of things, and of course, the rulings. It was very different to being at the whim of a judge. I realised I am not very vocal when it comes to control, so this was definitely a good thing for me.

I also thought about how judges were people, just like you and me. Looking at them from the bar, I always look at them on a pedestal. But sitting here made me realise that they must have their own idiosyncracies, which could range from being angry, to being not so smart, to being understanding.

I was yearning for a break just to catch up on my notes, so cherished every few minute gap when statements were exchanged. At the end, the pressure was on me as I had to write judgment and decide on the winner. During one break I heard a parent say I hadn't even given feedback. It stung me a bit, but watching Tommo the previous night, I was sure I had followed the same structure and wasn't supposed to give feedback until the very end.

When I added up the scores, I realised the girls school near me had won. I thought I had been giving out fairly equal scores, and the total was 265-242...it's for you to decide if that's "close" or not. I gave them feedback before announcing the winner. I told them a bit about myself and then said they were on par with the baristas I had in my trial. I heard some loud pleasant surprise noises and forgot how easy it was to make a child happy.

When I announced the winner, I took a quick look at the losing team and didn't like the look of disappointment on their face. I wish I didn't have to, but I guess that's how the world works. If I could do it again, I would've said beforehand "if you don't win tonight, please do not let that deter you from pursuing a career in law, everyone will win and lose cases".

I offered individual feedback if they wanted, and afterwards the girls from the winning team came up to me for it. I actually wasn't prepared - I saw Tommo do it and no one went to him for feedback, lol. I just made up some stuff, which turned out to be "things you could improve on" which I noticed during the mock trial.

I left with the teachers and walked home, thinking I could probably make it home by the time a bus arrived, and it would also save money as well.

I got changed for bball and headed out again. Lucky we had a late game tonight. I went out into the cold, feeling a little uncomfortable in my short shorts. I liked the uniform, but these shorts were a bit too short.

I figured I'd get there right on time, and the delayed trains didn't help. I ran a bit when I got off the train, and ended up being there about 10 minutes early.

We had everyone except Bo tonight, and it was an interesting game because we were playing that red Untouchables team which delicately sliced us up in the first meeting. I wanted revenge.

We got it, but I didn't like it. They only had four players. We got off to a good start with Any hitting some outside shots, and held an eight point lead for most of the first half. However, I wasn't happy with it, and told them the lead should be bigger since they only had four.

Maybe it's just me, but I found myself really hating number 14 on the other team. He was tall, young, and an extremely good shooter. Better than me. Maybe I was just jealous, but I found myself calling him a cunt on the bench. I felt like knocking him out.

I played about ten minutes in the first half, scoring two points. White Mike chucked a ball up ahead to me, and their chubby guy was the only one back in front of me. I slowed down and did a floater which went in. But most notably, I got a few deflections, especially one where I just randomly decided to mark up on the inbound passer. I jumped and hit the pass and caught it for a steal. Wow. Maybe my reflexes are starting to come back.

I didn't play the second half at all, although it wasn't planned. It was the same starting five, but the other team started catching up and I was wondering who I could take off and then decided maybe I should just sit. Part of me also thought we could hold on without me, so I didn't need to risk my knee.

I watched on as the other team slowly started catching up, and then watched as Nick got fouled out. Uh-oh. We only really won because we held onto the ball in the last three minutes or so, but winning by four against a team with four was NOT GOOD. Nick praised our defence but I think we need to work on it. They out-ran us so many times it wasn't funny.

But I guess, a win is a win. I wasn't happy taking it, but it felt good to be at the .500 level. The train ride was good because we were all positive after a win, although it got a bit quiet as Nick texted on his phone.

Any and I went to KFC as usual. He said the five cents was useless because he went to pay at Macca's with it and they didn't like it, lol. I told him about the coin machine at the bank near my office.

Thursday
Mary wasn't in the office on Thursday or Friday. I had a few questions, and went to ask Steve, but he was busy in a hearing. He was nice enough to say he'd answer it during lunch, but then I didn't want to burden him during lunch, and then he probably forgot about it on Friday. I felt a bit neglected.

Anyway, after work I went to the gym and then met with John and library guy for dinner. We went to that dumpling place behind KFC, same place Mary, Moira, Ogre, Sarah and I went to once. I got there first so had to sit at the table for about 20 minutes waiting for them. I could feel the pressure of the waitresses wanting me to order, eat, and get out. But I calmly sat there sipping my soy bean milk and playing on my phone.

It was good to see them when they finally arrived. We talked about work, John's married life, and library guy's upcoming wedding. Seriously, at this rate, I'm really going to be the last to get married.

In the middle of the dinner John suggested going to a massage place. I half jokingly said he was married, and he said "so what? That doesn't change anything". I always wondered beforehand if he'd keep doing it after he got married, but I guess I got my answer. Library guy, on the other hand, didn't seem too up to it. The other thing that surprised me was John saying he wanted a kid next year.

Anyway, after dinner is covered by my earlier post.

Friday
After work I went to the gym and then met up with Phil at KGV for some ball. I'm starting to get eager for the gym again because I really want to strengthen my knee, and I felt it helped during the first game when I went for a rebound, and this chunky guy bumped me in mid-air, causing me to use my right leg to stop the impact. Gee that could've been disastrous.

In the second game onwards that Dennis guy arrived. I wasn't sure if it was him at first, cause I thought he was whiter and wider, but afterwards I asked him, lol. He had his girlfriend play as well, and it made me wonder what I had to do to find a girl who played ball.

My focus wasn't to score and win games, rather, I wanted to focus on my defense, and especially blocking the shooter. I didn't care if we won games or not, but in the last game I started wanting to win just to finish things off. I even blocked that chunky guy's shot, which was my only block of the night.

Phil and I hung around a bit after most people had dispered. I taught him a bit of D with a drill, and then we played a shooting game.

When we parted, I went to buy a quater pounder because I was just so hungry, then I went into the office to change and go home. It was too cold, and earlier I had bought a pair of long red socks just to keep my legs warm. I figured it was also a possible colour combination given that our uniforms had red pinstripes.

Amy

So I went to the shop tonight.

But no, it's not what you think.

I met up with John and library guy for dinner. John mentioned a massage at first, and for some reason I pictured the joint I used to go to. I thought I'd go along and just talk to the girl. I didn't really feel like being with another girl, as I wanted to keep my promise to Naby.

But he drove us off in another direction. At first I thought it'd be Nadira. Then I thought it'd be the place near Brain's place (never been there, only seen the ad for it), and then finally it dawned on me - he was taking us to Naby's shop. He said he hadn't been there for a long time, like six months. Library guy said he hadn't been there since the last time we were there, like about two years ago.

Thoughts started rushing through my head. Would Naby be there? Maybe she lied about going to Korea? Would that receptionist guy be there and say something to imply I'm a regular? What impact would there be if I was exposed to all the girls there in a line up?

We went in, and was greeted by another guy. I think I've seen him before, but he wasn't the regular. We went to the main waiting room, and flicked through magazines as we talked. We talked about some important things, like whether I should pay off my mortgage or start saving for a property. John said to do the latter. I actually hoped the girls wouldn't come in soon so we could explore this a little more. John felt the same way, saying he liked meeting up because he learnt something from library guy tonight.

Then the girls came in. One by one I watched, fearing Naby would come in.

She didn't.

I looked at the line up and remembered that cute girl I saw on my way out once. But she wasn't there. The girls here looked kinda...ugly. Maybe it was just me. John had said he wouldn't pick one if he didn't like any of them. I was hoping he wouldn't.

The girls started filing out. I remembered a few names, but caught the number 90 of one just in case. John picked some tall girl on our right. I picked number 90. Library guy was faithful to his fiancee and didn't pick, so he waited in the waiting room.

The girl didn't hold my hand up the stairs. I walked up first. It was different to Naby. We went into the room and she went back out to get the towels. I took my shoes off as I waited. I sat on the bed. When she came back in, I said I just wanted to talk. She asked why, and asked if I didn't like her. I said no, that I was just tired. I asked her for her name, and she said Amy.

I wondered in the back of my mind whether I should confess my thing with Naby. I laid on the bed and she sat up. I noticed the distance between us and it made me think that the thing between Naby and I were more real.

She said this was a sex shop and asked why I didn't want to have sex. I said I was just tired. She asked again and I said I only meet those friends once every six months, and they want to go, so I go along. I still wondered if I should confess.

She asked if I smoked. I said no but she could smoke, so she did. She laid next to me on her tummy as she smoked. I had said "chincha?" in a conversation and at first she didn't get it, but then realised what I was saying, and asked how I knew. I said I knew a few words.

I asked her how long she'd been here and she said a month. She asked me where I was from and I said Hong Kong. She said that was a girl's dream, because of the shopping.

She finished her cigarette and laid on her back next to me. I could feel her shoulder pressed next to me. She said "this is Amy's lucky night" and I knew she meant she was lucky to have a customer who didn't want sex. We talked more and she said she was in it for the money. She asked what I did and I said lawyer. She said her brother is a lawyer in Korea. She said she studied nursing at university and became a nurse, but there was no money in it, so she came here. I asked how long she planned to be here and she said four to five years.

She asked me what type of law I was in, and I said crime. She started to spell it and I said she was clever. Earlier she had asked what something was, pinching me on the arm. I said "shirt?" and then she said "pinch" and spelled it with my help.

I asked if she had a boyfriend. She said "of course not" because of her job. I asked how about in Korea and she said no. She said she broke up with him about six months ago.

We talked about customers, and she said people from Hong Kong were the nicest as they were gentle. She said Japanese were ok, but Koreans were rough, and Indians didn't have manners. I said I thought only Asians could come in and she said others could come in with their Asian friends.

She seemed curious about me and the fact that I didn't want to have sex. She said it was her first time. I kept thinking about Naby and the promise I made to her. I wondered if I should tell Naby about this.

The first few times it went quiet, she would start a conversation. But then I decided to just rest my eyes and it was quiet for the rest of the session until the buzzer went. I got up to look for my shoes and she had moved it near me. I said I forgot how to say thanks and she reminded me. She asked me to come see her next time I wasn't tired.

I don't know how strong of a hint you need - I think she likes you a bit.

But for now, I was with Naby, so I laughed, knowing she didn't know the whole story, yet I knew the possibility that she may find out sooner or later.

I walked down the stairs first and pretty much left her in the dust as I went to find John and library guy who were already in the smaller waiting room. We left and John drove me home.

4-5

So turns out we won on Wednesday night, by about 30 points. Nick sent me a message after the game. We played that small team, coming second last. Maybe it was a good thing I didn't play, as I was secretly afraid I'd get burnt by the younger smaller guards.

On Thursday I made the trip up to Newcastle. I left home at 6:30am, thinking that may have been ok on the basis that it took just a little over two hours to get there. Near the beginning I even thought I could stop later for a toilet break, but as I drove on, it became apparent that time would be a challenge.

Once I got there I had to find the actual place, and then parking. I parked in a paid car park building, and got there about ten minutes after 9am. I went to file some documents and then waited in court. One thing I hate about coming to these rural courts is that you feel like an outsider.

Anyway, as I sat there feeling fairly nervous, I saw Dugon walk across and sit next to me. I remember seeing she had a matter there, but didn't actually think she'd be coming. We talked a bit before she was sent to another courtoom.

I waited for a while before doing my matter. I was so scared I'd stuff up. It was my first arraignment as a pros. At one point after doing the main thing, the judge looked at me, expecting the next step. I didn't know what the next step was, lol, so I looked at the other side, and he asked "five days?" and I knew, haha.

So I managed to get it done without a kerfuffle, even though this judge was a bit grumpy in general to others.

I walked outside to look for Dugon. I thought I'd offer to drive her back, but feared it may seem sleazy of me and I could just picture her saying "no thanks", yet at the same time, it would've been pretty rude if I just drove off without saying bye. As I looked around, there was this really hot blonde who smiled at me. I wasn't expecting it so didn't smile back, but dayum. That was enough to lift my confidence for the rest of the day.

Maybe I'm not bad looking after all? Maybe I'm actually a catch for Naby?

I found Dugon walking in from the outside, and she said they had been sent back because the matter wasn't ready to proceed. So I sat around waiting for her to get a date, and then we left together. I needed to find an ATM to get some cash for the parking ticket, and then went to buy some lollies for my level.

I feared that there'd be awkward silences during the drive. I mean, after all, what the hell could we talk about for two hours? But it turns out that we managed to pull through ok. We started by talking about promotions in our office, then the work we did. It was mainly about work, though she did tell me her dad bought a new car recently. I noticed her yawning later on, and thought about asking her to sleep if she wanted to, but then didn't want any potential harassment claims.

Anyway, we made it back by like 2pm, and I was pretty tired. There was a lot to do back at the office, and it's always a burdening feeling to see 10+ new emails, but I worked through stuff slowly and made it through the rest of the day.

Friday was a bit of a stressful day. I had to wait for instructions from DS about a matter. He was supposed to get it from Jim at 10am, but I felt bored and asked Ele out to lunch, and she surprisingly agreed. So by noon, I still hadn't gotten instructions and was questioning how appropriate it'd be to go out for a one hour lunch...

I waited for her outside Citibank, a bit annoyed that even though I was late, she still hadn't arrived. I finally spotted her across the road waving at me. I gestured for her to run across, lol. When the lights changed, I watched as she walked over. She always has this shy smile when we first see eachother. I like.

We started walking towards the Japanese restaurant we had been to before. She asked me why I assumed she wanted that, lol. I said I thought she liked it, and she said maybe she doesn't want to have it everyday, lol. It was full anyway, she suggested food court below, I thought it was a bit dirty for her, we checked out a Japanese place that Shuing had taken me to before behind KFC, but that was full as well. She suggested Pepper Lunch but as we walked across the cinema she seemed to succumb to me idea of the cineme sushi train.

So we went there, and I ordered a hot green tea for her because that was what she wanted. I got a drink from the fridge and we started eating. We talked about investing in properties mainly. I knew the outline of what she was saying, but I did learn a few things. Also, she said she earned $70k, which made me quiet because that is more than me. She said they were looking for an apartment and would move there for six months then move back to rent it out. I got that feeling again that I was coming last amongst my friends, because of my gambling addiction.

Towards the end, I had my eye on the time as I didn't want to be seen to be going out for more than an hour lunch when something urgent was happening. She ordered a few more custom dishes, and I was thinking "ohh god", but I told myself to put up with it because...well, I liked her. She asked if I needed to go and I said yeah, but we waited for the dishes to arrive and I finished mine quickly.

I paid for the meal, saying she paid last time and it was her birthday the day before. She said she had gone to a German restaurant and had a big dish of meat, lol.

She said she liked the sushi train place, even though she didn't get a good first impression last time she went. We parted outside and I rushed back to work.

To my surprise, everything was normal when I got back. No urgent emails, no notes left on my chair, no DS screaming and asking me where I was. In fact, he was out at lunch himself. I wondered if he had been looking for me.

Later in the afternoon, he came to my room to talk about the matter. He had closed the door as usual. He went through some of the paperwork in the file, and made jokes about the movies involved. Turns out he is a bit of a movie buff and video game fan. He reassured me this wasn't a test, and told me about how when he just started out he was kinda like me, feeling like every question from a supervisor was a test.

I saw Mary walk around outside and I waved her to come in. We all discussed the matter, and when it was clear that we had come to an end, I thought it was about time for DS to get up and leave, but he remained in his seat and his body language suggested he was waiting for Mary to leave. When she did, he continued talking to me, which I found to be a little strange. Just a little.

At the end of the day, he was still around. I was actually working on my finances, completing my fortnightly spreadsheet as usual. I seem to have a little more money than I've budgeted. Don't know how that works out. Maybe I've forgotten to count something very crucial. Anyway, I noticed that when I turned my computer off and went to return a suitcase, DS was leaving at the same time. Had he timed it? Nah, I'm just being paranoid.

I must admit, I started feeling a bit lonely after work. I had started chatting with this girl online and had swapped numbers. She had asked in the morning if I'd be free after work and I said yes. She sent me a message asking me in the afternoon, so I decided to call her. No pick up. She called back, and that was the first time we spoke. She had a friendly voice, maybe a bit annoying/bitchy. She asked me to come out for a drink, and I said yes, then she mentioned it was with her cousin and friends.

There was no way I was going to meet a bunch of strangers and effectively be in 'her territory'. I went through that with Wendy Z and didn't want to go through it again. I hated being surprised like that. I said no but she kept pushing, so I said yes, knowing I'd just make up an excuse later not to go.

I thought about the casino. I thought about going to a 'shop'. But I told myself, goddamn, Naby hadn't even been gone for a week and you already want to cheat on her???

Then I figured it out - I'd go to the gym! I felt like it anyway, I was really in the mood. It was perfect. I had all the time in the world, and wouldn't feel constrained like those lunch time sessions. Also, it was a Friday night so it'd probably be empty.

As I walked to the gym, I came up with a solution. I messaged that girl, saying I had been dragged to drinks by colleagues, and asked her to come over, thereby flipping the situation and giving her a taste of her own medicine. Needless to say, she declined. See bitch?

I went to the gym and did 20 minutes on the bike. Far out, after not having gone to the gym for a while, that kinda shocked my legs. When I got off the bike, my legs were like stiff, like they were stuck in the cycling position.

I did some weights and worked on my abs as well. Good workout. Good way to spend my Friday night.

Saturday
Yesterday I was to meet Nick and Any for bball at KGV. I was late but was the first to get there. Turns out they were polishing the courts, so that was the end of that. I called Any and told him to meet us at Central. I waited around for Nick. I saw him when I started walking off in the direction I had came, assuming he'd come from the same direction.

He gave me my uniform, which was one of the things I was looking forward to the most. I was soooo happy inside to receive it. It looked and felt decent, not sure what his complaints were about. Most of all, I was just happy to see my name on the back. So this is it really, this is my 'second' team after the Pandas. I couldn't wait to try it on.

We walked to Central together, and it was a bit of a walk, but we had more than enough to talk about - bball, his trip to Thailand, work. We got to Central seeing Any shooting around. It was good to see him after not seeing him on Wednesday.

We shot around a bit before this guy just came and joined us. He seemed a bit weird. We shot around a bit more before the weird guy suggested a game. It was Nick and I versus him and Any. We were doing alright, but I noticed the weird guy went pretty hard at Nick. I thought he was trying to prove he was good enough for our team, since he said he wanted to join one.

He could definitely play, but he just didn't look like a basketball player. He looked a little too happy.

We later got a game of three on three going, even though I had to go in about 20 minutes. It was Nick, Any and I versus the other three. We had a really good pick and roll going with me and Any and Nick. I really liked it. I just wished Mike would be able to figure it out.

Towards the end, I came back with a loose ball, faked right then dashed left, crossing my defender over and went in for a floater. It went in as I heard the guys cheering. It put a smile on my face. Any came over and said I was like a 20 year old Jason Kidd, lol. I would've preferred Allen Iverson, but I'll take that compliment.

Some other guys wanted to play so I took the chance to leave. I walked off feeling pretty good that I was able to pull off a cross over again after my surgery. I realised I was now heading towards the 11 month recovery period. But I also told myself that the guy I crossed over wasn't exactly a top defender, and I may well not have been able to pull that off in a game.

I went to meet the guys in Chinatown for yum cha. I saw Brain and Malay there already waiting. We stood around and talked while waiting for Shuing. When he called later, he got a bit upset that we had waited instead of getting a table first. I had actually deliberately waited because this isn't the first time he's done it. I just felt it was rude of him to always come late and have us set things up ready for him.

Moreover, he said he had to leave at 1pm for work, but I reckon he just needs to get home to place bets.

Anyway, we eventually went to Zilver, and while waiting for a table, Shuing arrived. Brain and I waited for a table while the other two went to see if Marigold involved any waiting. Anyway, we got a table first and so I called them back.

I thought it was a bit rude of Shuing to dominate the conversation about G when Malay had been BLOODY ATTACKED a few days ago. Sheesh. Shuing really wanted to talk about G and Sally. Don't get me wrong, he had juicy stuff, like how G is now grounded by his mom, lol, and how I got him into trouble by cancelling movies last time. Apparently he had told his mom he was coming to movies with us, but when I cancelled, he went to see Sally. His mom waited outside the cinema and never saw him, so found out he lied, lol.

I did try to steer the conversation away by asking Malay about his incident. He didn't seem too shocked about it all, which I guess was good. But I just wished it had happened to Bobby instead of a nice guy like Malay. This world is so unfair.

But Shuing eventually kept coming back to G. I think he gets too obsessed with other people's business.

Anyway, after a while Shuing paid his share and left. The rest of us decided to go watch X-Men, so we upped and left. It was a bit less than $20 for each of us, which I thought was pretty good. I didn't like how Brain took all the change, cause I felt like we should've left a tip, but later I realised why, as he offered to pay for some of Malay's parking fee.

We went to the shopping centre near me. I had messaged G, and he asked what time but heard nothing back. I called him and he said he was coming. I said thanks for telling me, and he said he was contemplating.

Contemplating my ass.

So we checked our Rebel for a weapon Malay could hide in his car while we waited for G. Eventually he arrived and we met him at the cinema.

We bought our tickets and went in. I noticed G signed up for the membership reward thing. We sat down near the front, and went through some previews. G went out holding his phone and then came back. Before the movie actually started, he got up again. He said to me he didn't realise the movie was this long and left. Malay said he was a bad liar.

What G didn't know was that Shuing had already told us about stuff earlier, so we now knew he had left to see Sally. I thought for a moment and told myself: anything that makes you a liar cannot be a good thing. For G it was Sally, for me it was gambling.

Anyway, I tried not to think too much about it even though I felt a bit used, but I enjoyed the movie more than I thought I would. I was a bit hostile towards the new cast, but I really enjoyed the guys who played Xavier and Magneto. My favourite bit, of course, was the Wolverine scene where he tells them "go fuck yourself" LOL!

I didn't like the selection of the mutants though - surely they could've picked more exciting and powerful mutants. I mean, a butterfly and sonar guy? Seriously??

It was a bit sad at the end when Xavier got shot. I felt like crying but kept telling myself not to because I was with Malay and Brain.

After the movie Malay drove us both home.

Naby departs Australia

Mary returned to work today. I like how she manages to touch base with everyone before she even catches up on her emails and her own work. I'm different - I like to see what needs to get done first. Different personalities I suppose.

I stayed busy for most of the day, and went to a bullying seminar with Genie in the morning. What a waste of time, seriously.

I had lunch in the office - chicken noodle soup again, but this time with tuna and bread. I can't seem to get bored of that chicken noodle soup...yet.

At the end of the day, as I was packing my stuff to go to Newcastle tomorrow, he came around and asked me if I had been or was going. I thanked him for doing my minutes so quickly, and he said they were easy to read and joked about one of them. I must admit, the guy does have a sense of humour.

After that I went to Ogre's room to ask her a question about tomorrow's procedure, and DS came walking by again - I hope he wasn't after me. I'm not sure what his view towards Ogre is.

Anyway, so today Naby leaves Australia. I had mostly decided not to send her a farewell message, mainly because I could just picture her getting caught at the airport or something, and the authorities going through her phone and seeing my message and thinking it was some sort of code. But then I resiled from that a bit and considered it. And then I decided not to (again). I did have a bit of "if she liked me she'd send me a message" mentality, but I must admit, in these situations, I think it's the one who is staying who sends the message.

Also, I've wanted to blog this for a while now, but I do feel that our 'relationship' has moved on. Those jokes of mine where I tease about seeing other girls no longer seem to be funny. It seems more disrespectful than anything. We seem to have entered the 'boring' phase of the relationship, where we just accept eachother as is and do whatever it is that we're supposed to do. This was the impression I got last time when I saw her just laying on the bed waiting for me as I tried to turn the shower off.

Also, I sometimes think about how I gave a playful evil laugh as I got on top of her, scaring her a little, soaking in her playful laugh. It made me think about how she might not get that from other customers - with others, she probably just goes through the routine. So maybe with me there is a degree of being genuine.

The ultimate question, however, remains: did she mean it when she said "me too" to your "I love you"? Although I'm tempted to say no, I've pondered this: even if this were a normal relationship, how would you ever prove she meant it?

Clearer mind?

Maybe it's keeping my mind busy with work, but I feel like I've managed to step back a bit from the whole situation.

I spent the day working pretty hard, because I've got some urgent things coming up, and Mary hasn't been around the last two days. I was in court quickly today and then stayed in the office until close to 6pm. I didn't even go out for lunch, though I did ask Ele. She said she was free but it was too cold. I kinda admired her for being honest - she could've just said she was busy.

Anyway Ele sent me a message saying David Jones was having a sale on Industrie stuff, so I went to check it out. I browsed through a bit and ended up buying a sweater for $18, which was pretty cool.

As I left and walked to the bus stop in the cold, I thought about Naby. I figured I'd wait for her to come back and see if she brings me back a present. Whether she does or not, I think I will ask her out to dinner, either on that occasion or the one after. I mean, I'll give her the benefit of the doubt - she had to have dinner with her manager and her friend, ok.

But when she returns, I'll ask her if she wants to have dinner on her day off. If she says no, well, then I guess I've got my answer right there. It'll be obvious that she's not what I'm after, and I suppose, let's face it, it'll be easy to find another one...just pick another girl from the same shop. If she can't give you what you want, then just move on.

That made me feel better...it made me feel easier. It's hard when you think that someone is special and they can't be replaced. It makes you that much more desperate.

But then I thought about how we did seem to get along fairly well. I guess I'll hate going through that building process again with another girl.

In the meantime, don't think too much.

A little bit cheered up...

Dunno why, but my thinking has changed a bit, mainly due to two new thoughts:

1. When I said "I'll miss you", she said "me too", so she obviously meant, or wanted me to think she meant, that she'll miss me too. Because she said the same thing when I said I loved her, it can be inferred that she meant or wanted to mean the same thing. Capisce?

2. When I asked if her manager was the guy downstairs, she was quick to say it was a woman, probably knowing that if it was a guy, then I'd get the wrong idea, so she wanted me not to have the wrong idea.

Ok, feeling a little better now.

Anyway, today I went to pick up Malay at about 2:30pm. G said he'd meet us at 3pm, so we had a bit of time. Because neither of us had eaten, we decided to change the venue to the shopping centre near us so I could get a can of tyre spray as well.

We drove there, then shared a Macca's meal. It was $16, so $8 each. I have a $20 note and he offered a $10, but I said to hold onto that. When I got the change, I gave him $2, and I noticed he just sort of kept it. Then moments later he asked if he had given me the $10. I didn't want to outright say no, so just said I don't know, but ended up taking it anyway. Hope he didn't think I ripped him off.

As we were eating, G found us, so we started talking a bit before I finally asked him about Sally. He didn't open up at first, but finally later he was willing to talk about it over coffee. He said his parents had a problem with her because she was Vietnamese and her dad has been missing since she was a kid.

We talked about that for a while before Shuing wanted to join, but Malay had to work so I drove him home and met Shuing and G at Chinksford. We ended up at Macca's and as Shuing-usual, every little issue to do with G's issue was fleshed out, analysed and scrutinised.

The end conclusion after hours of debate? Do nothing, everything's fine.

Hmmm.

Reviewing my feelings

I went into the office at about 7:30am today to do some work. Junar came in at about 8:20am and we talked a bit. I worked until 9am, then went to get some pies, and drove home.

I watched the replay of Game 2 Finals of Dalls vs Miami. Loved it. Even though I already knew the result. I really don't like Miami and don't want them to win, mainly because they beat Boston, and also because they're likeable to hate.

Watching the game and seeing how in shape the guys were really motivated me, so afterwards I went for a jog and did a lap. It started off feeling a bit easy, but then I think I realised how much further I had to go and mentally it got a bit harder. It was good, I got to clear my mind a bit.

I kept thinking about posting an update in facebook with my failures. I was thinking something like:

I've been rejected by x number of law firms.

I've asked x number of girls out, and all have said no. The girl I liked ended up marrying another guy.

I led my basketball team for x years, all to losing seasons.

I blew out my knee in a game that didn't matter.

These are my stats.

I'm sure I did something like that years ago in this blog, but can't find it. I kept thinking about that as I jogged. Thinking about money also made me feel a bit better about what had happened yesterday with Naby.

I completed the lap with not too much trouble, even though I could feel a little shortness of breath.

Heading home, I thought some more. Some may say seeing her yesterday was a bad financial decision, but looking back on it, from the time she came back to yesterday, I only really saw her once every 2-4 weeks, which was quite an achievement, given that my plan was to start seeing her weekly in May and June.

At times, I would feel down about her declining my dinner invitation.

If she really liked you, she'd make time for you.

It was almost an irresistable conclusion that she only liked me as a customer.

But then another side would chip in.

Wait and see if she texts you upon her return. Wait and see if she brings you a present.

A small part of me hopes she might text me farewell before she leaves. An even smaller part of me hopes she'd change her plans and ask me out to dinner. Maybe, as reading a case about her shop revealed, she really isn't allowed to go out with customers - do you really want to get her into trouble?

A vengeful part of me thought about, after she returns, asking her out again, and almost hoping she'd say no, so I could deliberately pick another girl from a lineup in front of her to hurt her. That was the vengeful me. Why does a vengeful me exist? Would that hurt her? Should I do it?

I've also given thought to going to see another girl rather soon. My reason? So I remain 'objective' and don't fall too deep into this thing with Naby.

Great, she hasn't even left yet and you're already thinking of cheating. Great habit you're setting up for the future.

Hmmm. I guess you're right.

I keep thinking about how after she declined my invitation, she was touching me a lot, feeling the curves of my chest and arm, and running circles with her finger around my nipple. It really felt like she knew how I felt and was trying to make up for it. But does that mean anything? It goes back to, if she really liked you, she'd make time to see you. But what if she's not allowed to see you?

I wonder what she meant by "me too" when I told her I loved her. Was it just an uncomfortable "umm yeah ok..." or was it a "I love you too"? The fact that her English isn't great doesn't assist the inquiry.

Also, what can be drawn from her end by the fact that I didn't say anything like "have a safe trip"?

I'm thinking too much. Best thing to do is to do nothing. I guess I'll wait to see if she comes back with a present.

Final June Naby

I woke up early in the morning before my alarm, not sure why, not sure if it was because I had been anticipating today being the last day I'd see Naby before she left for Korea.

I had breakfast, a shower and then got changed to go into work. My plan was maybe to stay there until it was time to see Naby. I got there just after 9am, half expecting to see Junar there because yesterday she said she'd be coming in on the weekend.

I started working and caught up on some stuff, but by 11am, which was when my parking expired, I had to go and so the file for Monday in court remains unfinished. I'll have to go in early tomorrow to finish it.

I actually extended my parking for an hour and then went to withdraw money to see Naby, and also went to the QVB to get some chocolate for her. I ended up getting two pink hearts, which were only about $1.40 each, which is pretty cheap.

I still had lots of time so I drove home and washed my car. It was pretty dirty, and I was in the mood to do it. After I washed it, I realised I had run out of that tyre shine stuff, and my touch up paint had also pretty much hardened up, so I figured I'd go to the auto shop to get both.

But when I got there, they didn't seem to have the tyre shine stuff, so I just bought the touch up paint in a spray can. It took a while for the guy to mix it, so I just browsed and stood around.

When I finally got it, I walked home and put it in my car. I called up the shop, and I could tell it was a different guy who answered the phone. He said Bibi was already working, so I made a booking for 3pm.

I went on the internet to check again how to say "pogo sheepoyo" and "sarang hae". I got them down pat and then drove off. I tried a new route which Malay showed last time, but couldn't find it and went another way. I could see I had a bit of time and as I was passing those warehouses I decided to stop by and check them out.

Despite Oxford claiming a 50% off everything sale, I found the stuff to still be pretty expensive. I checked the shoe store next door, which looks like the stuff is really cheap, but a decent pair of shoes still costs around $100 - out of my current budget.

I headed back to the car and drove off. I think this way is shorter, not sure. I got to the suburb at about 2:40pm but couldn't find parking nearby, so had to drive around a bit. I finally found parking on a side street a few blocks away.

I walked to the shop, and my suspicions were right. The door was opened by a guy I hadn't seen before. I walked in and he pointed me to the furthest waiting room at first and then asked if I had a booking. I said yes, Bibi. He wondered who it was before I said 3pm, and then he knew and said my name. I went to the waiting room and he asked how long and I said an hour.

I was careful to take my chocolates out of my pocket so as not to crush them. I flicked through a magazine briefly before I went to the bathroom and returned. There was a guy in the netx waiting room. I saw a line up of girls being shown to the main waiting room, and then heard a guy say something like "me and Sunny are brothers". The voice and the way he spoke sounded like that Peter guy who I met at John's wedding. I sure hoped it wasn't him, and if it was, that we wouldn't see eachother.

I wondered if Naby was shown in that line up. I bloody hope not.

The guy in the next room went off with a girl, and then he was replaced by another guy on the phone. At first I thought it was the guy who I thought sounded like Peter, but it wasn't. This guy seemed to be talking to a female from a shop, and then he seemed to be talking to a guy who was interested in buying a bike on the internet. His name was Matt I think. Kinda stupid to talk so loud in a place like that.

I waited a while and flicked through an entire magazine. I wondered if she was with someone else, but that possibility was negated because I remember after I told the guy who I had booked for, he yelled out, as if to her, and then now I heard him say "Bibi" in a following up, what are you doing kinda tone. So she was definitely available. Maybe she was just getting ready...

Finally the guy came and got me, and I saw her. We smiled at eachother and I said hey, and she started walking up the stairs. I noticed she did not hold my hand. She was wearing jeans shorts and a checkered bra. I thought maybe halfway up the stairs she'd remember to hold my hand, but nope.

We went into a room on the second level, the one with the large open shower. I saw a girl getting towels, but couldn't see her face.

I touched her on the back and asked if it was cold and she said no. I asked Naby how she was and she said good before walking out to get the towels. I sat down and started untying my shoelace when she came back. I said I had a present for her and tapped the bed for her to sit down, which she did. I said to close her eyes, and she did. I leaned in for a kiss but she opened them and then leaned forward to kiss me.

She looked at the pack in my hand and I started getting it out. She put both hands out and I dropped one out into her hands. She examined it and then took a bite. She was surprised by the insides and then seemed to pick something out. She said it was sour or something. I bit into mine and tasted it. The cream inside was a little sour. I asked if she liked it and she said yes. She took the packet from me when we finished, and I noticed she pushed my shoes under the bedside table. She seems like a neat person.

I took off my clothes and hung them behind the door and then went to hold her as she began stripping. I asked her where the other guy was (meaning the receptionist). She misunderstood me and said she was working today, tomorrow but then had Monday and Tuesday off, and then would be leaving on Wednesday. When I realised what she was talking about, I asked again and she repeated it. We went to the shower where I was silent for a bit, thinking about what to say. I had a lot in my mind thinking about this day, and now I had nothing.

Don't just stand there, do something!

I asked her if she was happy to be having her last day tomorrow and she said yes. I asked her what time she started today and she said 2pm, finishing at 4am. I said "bogo sheepoyo" and she said the same. I asked if I said it right and she said yes. She asked what I did today and I said I went to work and washed my car. She asked something else but I couldn't make out what it was.

We pecked eachother on the lips during the shower, she played with my body a bit and I played with hers. She asked why I hadn't shaved, and I said I was lazy. I asked if she remembered last week how there was a line up of girls as I left, and she said yes. I said she was the most beautiful, and she said chincha? And I said yes. I raised my little pinkie and said they were that. I went to dry off first, and when she finished I helped her dry off. She had already dimmed the lights but I switched them off. She said it was too dark so I turned them back on.

I held her from behind as we made our way to the bed, but I heard the damn shower tealking so I went to shut it off. It took a moment and when I returned, I saw her lying down on the bed. I dried my feet and then made a scary laugh as I approached her on the bed.

She started laughing and telling me to shave, so I deliberately brushed my light beard against her lips, making her laugh even more. I said when she comes back from Korea, my beard would be very long, indicating my hand brushing an invisible beard. She asked "like grandpa?" and I said yes, haha. I think she was playfully pretending to be scared.

We kissed, a bit more than usual. To me, there was a different vibe to it, a bit of finality urgency. I could feel her willingly kissing me back. I moved down and started kissing and licking her nipples. She started moaning softly at first, but then got louder. I was into it with more passion than usual. I felt like I could do that all day. I sucked on it a bit and she said something in Korean. I asked what and she said softly, so I resumed licking it and she continued to moan.

I moved to her right breast and did the same. She had reached down and was stroking me. I thought last time she did it to prevent me from entering her without a condom, but I could see now that she was actually actively stroking me. We kissed again and I could feel her putting the condom on, and using some lubricant.

I entered her and we began making love. I kissed her while doing it and she kissed back. We were kissing a lot this time, and one time I even slipped my tongue into her mouth, only to be eagerly greeted by her tongue. At one point we looked eachother in the eye. I could feel the heat being generated by our bodies. Her fingers were digging into my sides lightly. She lifted her head up to kiss me and my chest. This was really, really passionate. She was moaning softly if I wasn't kissing her, and then I'd move to kiss her some more.

We kept going like that for a while, as I changed pace a few times, and then she whispered that she'd get on top. We switched and she got on top. She didn't do any of that grinding that hurt me last time, but just went up and down. I was rubbing her breasts and after a while I came. She remained on top and jiggled around looking for my reaction. I said "an dei" and she kept asking me why with a smile. I didn't want to say it was uncomfortable so I just didn't say anything. She got off me and cleaned up.

She laid down next to me as usual, and I had my left arm out. I asked what she was going to do on Monday and Tuesday, and she said shopping. She then said she was going for a cigarette, and she turned over to reach for one. I said "we can go have dinner if you want". She mumbled and I was a bit disappointed at first, fearing that she felt like I had pressured her and didn't know what to say, but then I realised she was lighting her cigarette.

She rolled back onto her back, smoking, and said on Monday she was having dinner with her manager, and on Tuesday she was having dinner with her friend from the shop. I asked if the manager was that guy downstairs, and she said the manager was a woman. She said again she was then having dinner with her friend, and I half jokingly asked if I could come. She said something about being tied with her friend which I didn't understand. I had gotten my answer, and now I was letting it sink in. I tried to act casual and said "you don't have time for me" and she didn't say anything.

I decided to sleep it off, feeling a little depressed. I had my right arm over my forehead, my left arm was still laying behind her, and my right leg was bent up. I had my eyes closed. She finished her cigarette and then leaned into me, placing her head next on my chest and playing with my nipple.

I'm sleeping with a liar...someone who doesn't like me.

I felt pretty sad.

Maybe it's true...money can't buy you love.

She kept playing with my right nipple which was ticklish. I eventually grabbed her hand and held it, our fingers intertwined, and we slept for a bit like that. Her face was pressed up to mine, as we were facing eachother, and I could feel her eyelashes flutter against my face.

We slept like that for a while, and then she started tickling my ribs again. I shuffled, indicating it tickled. She asked if tickle and itchy were the same, and I said no, that tickle kinda meant someone was doing it, but itchy was just by itself, and I tried to tell her about mosquitoes, by doing the annoying sound near her ear and telling her the red mark was a bite, and she knew.

She said she only had four hours sleep. I asked her when she slept, and she said at 6:30 last night. I asked "6:30 today?" and she said yes. She then said she woke up at 10am. I asked her why and she paused, then said "because thinking of you", and I made an exagerrated sound not believing her and said "chincha?" and she said "chincha". I said I had eight hours sleep and she said that was good. In hindsight, I wondered if her lack of sleep reflected my early wake up today.

I asked if she would be staying at her mother's place in Korea, and she said yes. I asked if she had any other family, and she said she has a sister in America. I was going to ask what she did, but didn't, just in case it was the same line of work.

She kept feeling my chest and my arms, and kissed me on the cheek a few times. I wonder now, in hindsight, if she was trying to make me feel better for turning me down. Finally, I turned towards her and draped my right leg over her, bringing our bodies much closer.

I told her I would miss her and she said "me too". I then decided to say it, not really sure if I was going to mean it or not. I said "sarang hae" and she said something in Korean. I asked what that was and she said "me too" (having googled it now, it's "nado"). I asked her if I was saying it right and she said yes. I said it again and she said "me too". I drew on her back the "I [heart] U" letters, and she drew on my back. I said I didn't get it, and she did it slowly. I understood the "L-O-V-E" and she said understand? And I said yes.

We held eachother and half slept and half talked. I deliberately didn't mention anything about bringing me a present from Korea, to see if she'd remember it. She said she was coming back on 10 July. I deliberately didn'task her to message me when she returns, to see if she'd do it, because last time she said she would. I said I'd come to shop on the 9th, and she repeated the 10th, and I said yes, so I'd come before. She knew what I was teasing her about and playfully hurt me. I raised my pinkie and said I'd promise not to come to the shop. She didn't seem to know what I meant at first although she had her pinkie wrapped around mine. When she realised, she said something and offered her thumb. So with our pinkies wrapped around eachother, our thumbs pressed together as if to seal the promise.

She grabbed my tummy which tickled, and then she grabbed hers. She said she was fat, and I said that was normal. She had also said that she was very hungry. I hugged her and told her to leave work and we could get something to eat. She didn't say anything. I told her everytime I saw Hungry Jacks I thought of her. Not sure if she got it, because she said something about a burger. I offered her my right arm and she said it wasn't a burger, but when I insisted, she bit down on it, a little hard.

I asked her when she was going to give me a baby, and she said something in Korean. I asked what that meant and she said she didn't know (google shows it to be morunda). I thought it was funny how she thought I was serious, lol.

I put her left hand, which I had been holding in my right hand, on my chest. I asked her if she felt it. She said no. I moved it to the right a little and asked. She said yes (feeling the beat). I said it went "Naby, Naby" and she said "chincha?" and I corrected myself to "Hyejung, Hyejung", and she corrected my pronunciation.

Her timer started ringing as I was telling her about how my knee swelled up after surgery and I asked her if her breasts went big after her surgery. Not sure if she understood what I was getting at, but she laughed and said no and playfully covered her chest as she went to turn the timer off. I noticed she was in no hurry to turn it off as I was talking, as she kept listening to me.

Eventually we made our way out of bed and to the shower. She led me by the crotch and said "gotcha" and laughed. I didn't know what to say and we pecked on the lips. I got dressed and watched as she got dressed, even though I noticed a bit of water on her side. She opened the door and we went out, but there was a couple walking up, so we backed off to let them go first.

It was a middle aged man who wore glasses. He made a sleazy sound as he saw us. I thought he was pathetic, and I hope I never end up like him. The girl with him though, was kinda hot. We then walked down the stairs. Just before we reached the bottom, she started to turn around and smiled at me. I smiled and walked past the guy with a nod, into the cool street, retreating back to my car.

As I drove to Chinksford Macca's (because I was hungry), the thought of saving money from not seeing her for a month and possibly in the future given how she didn't want to go to dinner with me and had just given me a "me too" when I said I loved her made me feel a bit better. Not quite at the stage where I'll stop seeing her, but I was a small notch in that direction.

I drove to Macca's and bought a small McChicken meal, and ate it on the roadside before going home.

First sickie / NSBA 3-5

So yesterday I decided to chuck a sickie, I think my first in like, three to four years. My cold wasn't even that bad, definitely not as bad as the one I had earlier this year. But the main reason I didn't want to go to work was because I didn't want Mary to feel like I was spreading my germs around, especially after that embarassing incident.

I felt like I would have all the time in the world. I pictured myself taking a long walk down the street. But I spent most of my time on the computer, then had a nap. I woke up and spent more time on the computer, before walking to the Wick to go to the gym. I really wanted to cycle to work on my knee, so I did that, then the benchpress and some weights and abs.

I then bought some wicked wings from KFC to have with bread for lunch back home. It got a bit cold, but it was still nice.

I spent more time on the computer. I thought finally I could experience day trading, but my internet wasn't at its best. Before I knew it, it was time to get ready to meet Any for bball. Time flies. I actually felt a bit worse having stayed at home, it felt like boredom made my cold worse.

I got changed and went out to meet Any at his bus stop. My eyes were so bad I thought he was a white guy. Sheesh. We made some initial talk about basketball and stuff, but then it got a bit quiet on the bus. Part of me didn't feel like talking because of my cold.

We met Phil in the city, then met Bo on the train. I swear once Bo comes onto the scene, everything lights up, and it's like we couldn't stop laughing. We were four giggling guys in sports gear amongst a crowded train.

We walked from the station to the courts, and saw Angelo shooting around while Mike seemed to have been sitting down somewhere else. I called Mike lego man because of the way he did his hair.

We didn't have long before the game started. I had just finished stretching and hadn't really taken any proper shots. Bo told me to fix the starting five, and I just benched Phil,m, which was a no-brainer.

We played the team coming first, JO. They were in nice white and blue uniforms, giving them the white princely knight image. Straight off the bat they hit a tonne of threes on us. They were all tall and lanky, but I could sense a few of them couldn't really dribble properly.

Abi came a bit later in the first half. Angelo was really aggressive offensively, and because of that, I think he scored like 90% of our points. Defending a fast break at one point, I mis-timed my jump and when I went for the block, instead of getting the ball, I slapped the guy in the face, lol. I heard him complain, but I had already shook his head to show I didn't mean it.

Angelo really tried to motivate us at half time, and I could see where we really failed - we let them get ahead of us when we didn't get back on defense. I said that was the number one basic rule every kid in basketball is taught, which is to get back on D.

In the second half I got a fast break and was chased from behind. I proceeded to lay it up from the front, and just as I took off, my left hand flew back to balance myself and slapped someone in the face, lol! I heard the guy complain about that, haha.

We made a bit of a serious run in the middle of the second half, coming within 13 at one stage, but then we seemed to let off, most notably when Phil decided to pass it under his legs...to the other team - fook!

But in the last few minutes, we pressed them and forced a few turnovers, which was really inspirtational. We ended up losing by 19.

I was pretty disappointed and frustrated after the game. I found that my frustrations were mainly directed at Mike. I try to tell him to focus on rebounding properly, instead of slapping the ball into the ground. He told me he couldn't jump. I said he didn't need to, and pointed out to him when Abi grabbed a rebound in traffic barely jumping.

I just don't know how to get through to him. He really is the definition of a loser. I find that he has an excuse for everything - from not being able to keep a job, to not passing his driving test, to playing poorly in basketball. I want to show him that playing half court basketball on the weekends is not going to make him a better full court player. It's not practice, but he seems to think it is. I just don't know what to do. I want to tell him that if he tries, he can be better. I want to show him the difference between successful people and failures.

I watched the next game with Abi as Bo reffed and Phil did duty with Mike. I was starting to cough regularly, and I put my hood on to keep warm. Everytime I coughed, my head hurt, and I could feel like I was getting worse. At times I felt a chill through my whole body and I thought "this is it, I'm going downhill from here", but then I told myself to stay strong and mentally I shook it off. Any patted me on the shoulder and asked if I had taken any medicine. I thought about Mike, and wanted to say something about how he missed a game with a cold, but I played without any excuses or complaining.

We all walked back to the station, and I think Mike felt a bit left out and/or made fun of. He crossed the road when the red light was flashing and the rest of us waited, and he waved and walked off to where he normally gets picked up. I felt sorry for him, but I wondered what else I could do.

The conversations on the train mainly dominated around AFL and girls between Bo and Any. When Any and I got off the train, we went to KFC as usual for him to buy his dinner. He did pay me back $10 which I knew he would.

From walking to the bus stop to being on the bus, we talked a bit about how judgmental people in Sydney were. He said he could feel people giving him weird looks just because he was black. I said I often feel like people are suspecting I'm there to steal something when I'm in shops. He also opened up about being depressed about struggling to learn written English.

I had a bit of a hard time sleeping. Maybe it was because I was sick. Maybe it was due to the nap. Or maybe it was because I had been contemplating in the back of my mind saying I love you to Naby on Saturday. I've also been thinking about asking her out to dinner. I just feel like she was telling me her days off for a reason. I could be wrong. In the end, I concluded I shouldn't think about it too much, and shouldn't put too much weight on her response. I should just ask it casually, and if she says no, then I'll just shake it off.

Today
I did consider taking today off. But I figured I'd at least attend the meeting I had with Mary and the police, and then take the rest of the day off if I wanted to.

I got in quietly and started catching up on my work. Mary said/joked that she may have caught my cold. Geez I'd feel so bad if she did.

I couldn't believe how occupied I was, so much that I ended up having lunch at around 1:20pm (normally around 12:30pm) and I didn't go to the toilet all day until the end when I left.

In the afternoon, DS came to my office and said "I know I've probably asked you this about seven times, but are you an LO1 or LO2?" I told him LO1 and he said something about giving me an acting LO2 - I think even he was surprised I was an LO1. I appreciated it.

I noticed he must've had a haircut during lunch, but instead of his usual all-around cut, he seemed to have only cut the sides - very similar to how I cut mine. Hmmm. And then I remember once seeing him eating an apple as he stared out the window - very similar to what I used to do on level 10. Hmmm.

Ele had messaged me and we agreed to meet after work. She said because of my cold, she wanted to give me some manuka honey.

I went to our usual meeting place and got there about 5:10pm. She called and said she'd be late and asked if I wanted to meet tomorrow. I said I wanted to go for a walk in Myer anyway so I'd wait. I went to check out Myer and David Jones. I didn't see much that I liked, and everything was still pretty expensive.

She called and said she was ready and so I went back to the meeting place. I waited for around 20 minutes. At first I was really confident, standing right at the corner of the kerb, in the midst of the bustling human traffic, waiting for her. But as time passed, I felt like maybe she wasn't coming after all, and slowly retreated against the wall of the supermarket.

Finally I called her and she said she was coming out of the supermarket. I looked in and found her. We met at the door and she offered a hug. I didn't lean in but just sort of wrapped my right arm around her. She seemed happy to see me.

She gave me a small bottle with little lollies inside. I asked if that was the manuka honey and she said it was. I opened it and offered her one. She said after me, so I took one and offered her one and she took it.

We started walking slowly down the street. I noticed that it was a natural pace for me, whereas I usually walk pretty fast. We talked about my cold, she said it seemed like I always get colds and she asked why. I silently wondered if I had HIV which weakened my immune system.

She said she got the honey manuka from Linda, and I teased her about this being the second time she re-gifted, the first time being the blue toy. She was surprised I remembered, and was laughing as I teased her. We talked about her birthday, the fishing trip Bill is organising (don't think I'll go since she said they will all be speaking Chinese), her husband going for an accountant interview just for the experience, and shopping.

We agreed to have lunch tomorrow, and she had earlier said on weekends the place we went to was $3 for a plate. I said if it wasn't then she has to pay, but if it was then I'd pay. I pretty much decided I'd pay anyway.

When she told me about it, I wondered if I could take Naby there if she said yes to dinner.

Despite the recent Naby experience, sometimes I'd watch Ele speak and I'd tell myself that at the end of the day, she was still the one I wanted. I really felt a connection with her, and I silently cursed the way things had turned out.