Dinner with Kim

I had a bit of a late start to yesterday. It was raining on and off so there was no need, or it was futile, to wash the car.

Some time around 11am I left Kim in house packing her things as I went out intending to visit Nimbin - a place where people freely offer you drugs. I got the impression from my time here that it was one of those places you just had to experience before you leave.

I swear it was THE most beautiful drive I have ever had. It was like something out of a movie, or a video game. After long country roads where a tall mountain stood in the background, the road led me to climb a narrow two direction lane up and down what seemed like a mountain with hard turns every few hundred metres. At some stages there was no railing to my left, and I pictured one of my tyres slipping, like a person slipping on a wet platform, and my car tumbling down the mountains.

It was so peaceful (I know I've over-used that word a million times since arriving here), and I was listening to the seven bonus tracks on Relapse: Refill as well :)

I ended up in Kyogle where I took a brief walk around. I thought I had gone the wrong way and was content to go home from there, but then saw a sign pointing to Nimbin so I followed it.

By the time I got to Nimbin it looked like it was about to rain pretty badly. It was a small town, but fairly crowded. As soon as I got out of my car, this Aboriginal man leaning on a pole looked at me and nodded. I nodded back out of politeness and he asked "smacker?" and I said "no thanks".

Gosh, not even a minute into my arrival and I had already had a drug offer!

As I walked along the crowded footpath, I felt like I stood out, not really because I was Asian, but because I was a noob, obviously not someone familiar with drugs. This other, smaller, Aboriginal man caught my eye and said something to me, which I ignored, and he kept yelling as I walked down the street.

All the shops seemed to sell either coffee and cakes or woodstock-like clothing, and smelled of...pot I guess. To my surprise there were more Asians there than here.

I crossed the road and walked back to my car checking out the shops, and then it started pouring rain. Most people seemed content to just stay under shelter and watch the rain, but I ran to my car and drove off. I did feel a bit intimidated so I was glad I made it back to safety.

The first part of my drive back was pretty horrible. It was raining so badly I couldn't see shit. Luckily there was a truck in front of me and I just followed the outline of it. I don't think I have ever driven with less visibility, all I could see was grey smudges and the faint outline of the truck.

When I got back to town I grabbed some hot chips with gravy and had that for lunch at home. I drove Kim to Bunnings to get some boxes, which didn't take very long. As we walked through the warehouse, I noticed that I had this tendency to trail, instead of leading. And I do that with pretty much anyone. I think it's a trait left from the days when my mom used to take me shopping, and she'd just drag me wherever she wanted to go. If you think about it, it's like training a dog, and it's not something easy to get out of.

After that we went home and I watched The King of Comedy. It was alright, I seemed to marvel at De Niro's performance more than the actual story. I think that role must've been really hard to play. I think it was a comedy but I didn't find it funny.

I had a bit of a nap, and then woke up not feeling exactly 100%. Kim asked me what I was doing for dinner and I said I was planning to get some Chinese take away. She asked if I wanted to go eat at a Chinese restaurant that she had heard about, and I said yes.

When we were getting ready, I noticed a missed call on my phone. It was Ele. Hmmm.

I put her out of my mind as we drove out to the Chinese restaurant. It was the one that I had been to when I first arrived and thought the food was shit, but I told Kim I was willing to give it a second chance.

It felt a bit odd to get ready with someone in the same house and then go out together. I'm so used to meeting up with people at the intended area. I guess this is like a taste of living with a partner.

We sat at a table and checked out the menu, and she reminded me that she was a vegetarian and I found that a bit annoying. Conversation was ok, we just talked about her move, Michelle using Shuing's money, and about the house.

To my surprise the food was actually pretty good. She had a beer and for a moment I wondered whether she was the type to completely change character when intoxicated.

She told me she was 39 (even though she mentioned it the other day in passing) and I remarked on how she completely didn't look it. She said she acted young. I would've guessed she was early 30's or even around my age.

We had a nice meal, and she paid a bit more than my share because she had more than I did.

We went home, and she almost went to bed immediately while I bummed around on the net.

I thought about the past few days living with Kim. I think it'd be hard for me to live with anyone. I prefer to be by myself a lot, and I like to do things without telling people, like where I'm going, when I'm going to eat, what I'm going to eat etc.

And the other thing is, I don't like it when people tell me what to do. Like when we went to Bunnings, she pointed out a parking space even though I had another in mind (I parked in the one I wanted to). That made me think about Ele - one good thing about her was that she never nagged me or told me what to do when I drove.

Even when we returned home, Kim asked me to carry the cardboard into the house. Even though I was going to do it anyway, the act of her asking me to do it annoyed me.

Maybe I have been by myself for way too long, and it's too late to fix now.

Modern vows?

Yesterday morning I woke up and immediately went to retrieve my car from the shopping centre. There were a few other cars that had parked there overnight, which gave me some sense of relief. I got even more relief when I saw my car safe and untouched, and quickly drove it home.

True to his word, Ben brought me some movies yesterday: American Beauty, Husbands & Wives, The King of Comedy, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, and When We Were Kings.

It was a lot, especially since I only had one week left, but I was determined to finish them as quick as possible.

Work yesterday was pretty boring, with the exception of email exchanges between Shuing and I about how Michelle had started using his credit card without his authorisation. He was pretty pissed off that she decided to charge $1,200 for accommodation without asking him, and so in total she now owes Malay $1,500 and Shuing a bit more than that.

I'm just trying to wonder how she could need that much money in the first place? Wasn't this whole trip planned? I reckon either she's gotten herself into trouble, or she's lending someone money.

But Shuing attributed all this to her selfishness, because apparently she just didn't want to live with her aunt and so decided to move out at his expense. But he was also angry about her using him like that, and Bob got off scott-free. To us, it was Bob who introduced Michelle into our group, and to Shuing, Bob had managed to ditch her (the problem) onto Shuing, thereby absolving himself of anything in the process.

Shuing forwarded me some emails that had occurred between him and Michelle, where she just apologised and he chastised her for being selfish and directing her to ask Bob for help.

After work I went to the supermarket to get some things, and bumped into Teesh. I was a bit surprised, and stopped to have a chat. I didn't know what to say, because I was totally caught off guard, and she had her son with her. We just remarked about picking random things off the shelves, and her son was grabbing at her playfully and being loud, and I kept looking at him awkwardly, wondering if I should say hi to him or wait for her to introduce him. In the end we just parted ways without really acknowledging it.

For some reason I felt like I was floating on a cloud for the rest of my shopping venture, forgetting to get my orange juice. Had I developed a crush on her? On someone who had a child??

I noticed she lined up after me at the cash register, I looked back at her a few times to try to nod, but she was busy getting things out of her trolley.

I went to get a sundae because I had seen an ad in the shopping centre, and it looked really yummy. It was Donut King, so I went there for it. The girl who served me was veeeeery attractive. I came off as a bit of a dork, saying I forgot my glasses but I wanted the yellow one. She said "the banana?" and I said yeah.

I ate it at the nearby tables and sat there wondering, if she was 16 or 17, why I was attracted to 16 or 17 year olds?

Upon returning home, I didn't talk to Kim that much because I wanted to get through a movie to make progress. I put some pasta in the oven and started watching American Beauty.

Kim annoyed me a bit by saying I shouldn't be putting ceramic plates in the oven (I know, but it's worked before) and then scooped it into a bowl but by then it was sufficiently heated to eat, so I just ate it.

The movie was pretty good, I thought Mena Suvari was HOT! Again, I was asking myself whether there was anything wrong in being attracted to a character who was in high school (although she was around 20 at the time of the movie). I had serious fears that I might one day end up in Kevin Spacey's position - no longer attracted to his wife, hated by his daughter, and forbiddenly attracted to a high school girl.

The other issue I had was, what the hell grievance did the wife have? She was upset enough to want to kill him?? What the hell did he do? Stand up for himself? She was the one who cheated on him.

It was also funny how the father next door thought his son was gay, haha, hilarious.

So yeah, it was a pretty good movie, I remember the hype that it had when it came out, but I just didn't see it? Maybe it's because I'm watching it like 10 years after the fact.

So yesterday and today I drove to work, mainly because I wanted to be close to my car in case any storms broke out, but it didn't. Seems like it only rains at night here.

Work was a bit better today, starting off my morning by finishing the editing for Karen's summary, and then really getting into the nitty gritty for Jude's thing. What really motivated me was picturing her coming back on Monday (she wasn't in today) and asking for it.

The guy who is replacing me was also announced today, some dude from Crown Sol's. I heard Brendan talking about it with Cox and Ben, and I must admit, my ego got the better of me and I got jealous a bit, as I heard Brendan say that Graham said the new guy was very bright, and the only reason he wasn't higher on the list was because he lacked experience. I also heard Ben say that he googled him and he was some prize winner at uni, so this guy was obviously smart.

I sat there picturing some extremely handsome, intelligent army guy who would be a lot more smoother and suave with the office than I am, and how everyone would like him better. In fact, they probably hated me already and wanted me to go. I was the flavour of last year. I was beginning to over-stay my welcome.

But then my logic started fighting back.

It's Graham's JOB to sell this new guy to Brendan, so of course he's going to say good things about him. Who cares if he's academically smart? You still ranked higher than him on the list, that's why they picked you first. And who cares if people are going to like him more than you? You're leaving anyway, it should be of complete irrelevance to you.

You're right.

And with that, I managed to concentrate on my work for the rest of the day. It helped that when Ben came over for a chat that he told me about the new guy. I found out that he wasn't in the army; the army guy had decided not to come so this was another guy. And Ben said that this guy looked like a dork, with braces, and made a cross-eyed gesture with his eyes. I am not sure if it was his intention, but he made me feel better and less insecure.

I finished work at 5pm, mainly because I was really into Jude's case, and also because I needed to bump up my hours to reduce my flex since I'm in the negative.

I came home and planned to share a pizza with Kim, but she said she was going to be a vegetarian this year, so I went off to get a pizza. While waiting I went to get some nectarines, and then went home with my pizza. I ate it while surfing the net, then Kim's friend came over (she's still here now), and then later I went into my room to watch Husbands & Wives.

It was a pretty insightful movie, and I guess it kinda sums up the point I've been trying to make with modern marriage.

It seems that people no longer really abide by their vows. Modern vows are more like "I will love you and stay with you until I find someone better, or when I feel like I can no longer put up with your annoying quirks".

And then you have these people who break up, then get back together. What the hell is that? Isn't that, in effect, just an excuse to sleep with someone else for a while?

I just think people give up too easily these days, especially in marriage, where traditionally giving up wasn't even an option.

Like I've said before, the problem we have these days is that we are presented with too many choices, options. If we didn't feel in the back of our minds that we had an alternative, an escape route, a plan B, then perhaps we might appreciate and be more grateful to what we have, instead of what we could have.

This sums up my position fairly well, from a book called Decoding Love:

Imagine a dating world where the opposite rules applied, where people were not given the freedom to opt into or out of a relationship, such as a culture that still practices arranged marriages. What researchers have found will seem pretty amazing to Westerners weaned on the romantic story line. According to a study by two Indian researchers, the levels of self-reported love in arranged marriages increased over time until they surpassed the level of self-reported love in marriages that were freely chosen. Incredible as it sounds, people with a very limited say in choosing their own spouses eventually became happier with their relationship than people with the freedom to choose anyone they wanted. Think of all the advantages that the unfettered couples have. They know each other's personalities and their tastes and whether or not there is any physical attraction, and so on. Despite all of that, the arranged marriages do better over the long haul. Why? I believe the secret has a lot to do with the discontent that is a by-product of a society predicated on choice. Cultures that use arranged marriages also frown on divorce, so a married couple knows that they are going to have to make things work. If the relationship sours, they face a lifetime of marital misery, and that offers a powerful incentive for making the best of things. To misquote JFK, it creates a mind-set where you ask not what your marriage can do for you but what you can do for your marriage. Western marriages place such a premium on personal fulfillment that the opposite mind-set prevails.

In other news, Ele called me whilst I was watching the movie. I didn't pick up, and I don't intend to call back.

I feel like I've started to move on, and I don't want to get myself back into that whole thing. When I called her, I really needed someone to talk to, I felt really down and I was going to tell her about my knee, which is probably the most important thing to me right now.

But what did she do? Ignore my call and not call back. Not only that, but she didn't even ask me to pick her up from the airport as we had agreed, and she waits almost a perfect four weeks before calling me??

It's obvious she's not interested. It seems that she just wants to keep in touch with you so she can have a 'connection', a 'network', a 'source'. It may even be the case that you're on her 'maybes' list. But screw it. If a girl isn't willing to be with me when I'm down, then she sure as hell shouldn't expect me to be there when I'm up.

Like Eminem says, "how dare you try to take what you didn't help me to get?"

Praying for my car

Man I swear, you know that facebook thing on the right hand side that suggests whose wall you should write on to keep in contact? I swear that thing shows Ele the most. I swear! How the F does it know??

So yesterday I had a bit of a movie marathon, because I wanted to return the movies to Ben today.

I watched The Name of the Rose, and I was a bit tired so I actually fell asleep while sitting on the couch watching it, lol. The only thing that made me wake up was my brain being on the lookout for the sex scene, because I remember Ben saying it was pretty "raw".

I must say, it was pretty damn raw. So much...animal instinct on the part of the girl, who was kinda sexy. I thought Christian Slater played that scene very well, especially that look on his face as she basically ravaged him.

After that I went out for a bit to get some apples and then returned home to watch The Deliverance. I was intrigued by the blurb, but wasn't too excited by the cover and the apparent age of the movie, but it actually turned out to be really good!!

I loved that banjo scene with the imbred kid near the beginning, lol, that was hilarious. I was really glued to the entire movie, and was sad that the four of them couldn't complete the journey as a whole. That rape scene really angered me.

I was telling Ben today, I guess I like movies where it shows how people react under extreme situations.

After the movie, my plan was to buy an entire pizza and eat it over Gladiator, but then I felt it was too hot for pizza and I didn't really want to sit through a 2.5 hour movie, so I said screw it.

I did some shopping and bought some soup, then had wicked wings with it as before and it was just as beautiful. Mmm.

Today work was pretty boring. I finished off that summary for Karen, didn't feel like culling so I started reading another file. As usual, Ben came over a couple of times just to have a chat, and we mainly talked about the movies he lent me. After he left the second time, I appreciated the fact that he came over to talk even though I was leaving. I had my suspicions that he only went around talking for political purposes, but I think he is just a naturally talkaitve guy.

Emails with Shuing today were interesting. He said that after he gets his stuff and money from Michelle, he's going to cut all ties with her. He was pissed off that he was being taken advantage of whereas Bob wasn't (who introduced her into our group). He also told me about Bob telling him that when she used to hang out with Ding, his mother got him a fortune teller and the fortune teller read everyone's future but explicitly refused to do Michelle's, which is kinda freaky.

Shuing reckons that ever since she came into his life in May 2008 that he's had pretty tough times. Could she in some way be a contributing factor to my gambling problem?

At one stage late in the day I got pulled over by Jude for a conversation, just about what areas I should visit before I leave, and then Claire joined in and it made me a bit umcomfortable. I had this very irrational theory that she saw me as a potential suitor, and so for the next 10 minutes I kept thinking about whether or not I could make love to her.

*shudders*

Later, the sky started getting really dark and there was talk about heavy rains. I went over to the window to have a look and storm clouds were fast approaching. I decided to leave early like everyone else, and went home to get my car. I didn't even go inside, I just went straight to my car and drove it to the shopping centre.

There were a lot of people there, I guess to also avoid the heavy rains and potential hail. It took me a while to find a spot but eventually did. I had to walk home in the rain. Ah what I do for my car.

When I got home I quickly got changed and started heating up some lasagne. Kim came home a short time later, looks like she'll be here until she moves. We had a bit of a chat as we watched the news. The sky was clearing up and I was wondering whether I should retrieve my car.

It's raining pretty heavily now, so maybe it's a good thing to leave my car there. I just pray that no vandals decide to stuff around with it.

Spineless

On Sunday I got a text message from Kim saying she'd be home at around 8pm. I finished watching Matchstick Men (story took too long to develop, ending was predictable) and was about to go to sleep when Kim came home. She said her uncle was staying over night, but I didn't get to see them because they went out again after dropping off her things.

While I was lying in bed, I could hear her talking to him. There may have even been more than one guy. But I felt a bit shitty about how loudly they were talking, since I was trying to sleep. And then it struck me - one of the reasons why I keep saying it's peaceful here is because when I go to sleep, it's all quiet. Back at home, either the tv is always on or my mom and sister are shouting.

I think because I've lived here by myself for so long, I've almost forgotten that it's supposed to be shared housing and I'm not liking it when I have to share.

I went to work yesterday feeling a bit weird, because today is a public holiday so it was like going into work for one day and then having a break.

I spent the first half of the day culling and emailing Shuing back and forth. He told me Michelle said she loved him, and asked for more money for accomodation (she had already asked to borrow some money to change her flight so she can come back earlier). I laughed at him and he replied that he could now see things from Bob's perspective.

I took that to mean that he now knows how Bob felt when I made fun of him about Linda, but instead of apologising, I tried to divert the issue and he didn't reply for a few hours. I sat there culling and wondering whether I had upset him. Had I lost another friend? In the same way?

Sometimes my mind wandered off and thought about Meet Joe Black, and it made me happy. I just wish the movie never ended. I'm still loving it.

Eventually I decided to send another email, asking him if he thought she had ever asked Bob for money, and he replied almost instantly, saying he didn't think so, but that's what shits him, because Bob is a prick and he's a nice guy who ends up copping the shit. I knew I had hit a spot. We emailed eachother for the rest of the day without any problems, but for a while there I was scared. Must remind myself not to go too far with these jokes.

Ben came into work at noon, which was surprising because he was going to take the whole day off. He said he had nothing else to do, lol. I had my lunch and then went out to get an apple. When I returned I saw Cox at the break out area, about to eat her lunch. I thanked her for having us over and then Ben came over and started talking.

I thought it'd be good to have a short chat while eating my apple, so I sat down. They were talking about Cox's friends, and I was a bit surprised at how open Ben was about which girls he found attractive. Ben joked about me chatting up his wife for about 20 minutes (the time I spent talking to Vic while Ben went to the barbeque) and he said she had asked him if it'd be weird for her to meet up with me and my parents for dinner in Sydney. He said yes.

I silently agreed. I was glad that she found me interesting enough to make the suggestion (because I thought maybe I had been boring), but why the hell would you want to do something as silly as that? Meet up with your husband's colleague 700km away? With his parents???

I was glad Ben saved me the awkwardness.

Brendan came by to tell us he was going home because he only had a half day, and joked that I was in charge, haha, funny bloke. I raised my fist and Ben asked what I was going to do, and I said I was going to fire everybody, lol.

Claire walked past and Ben dragged her into a conversation, and she told us about how 2009 had ended badly for her, because her dog died and she was in a car accident. She then grabbed her lunch from the fridge and sat down, and somehow the topic got onto her dating life. From what I had gathered, she was married for 14 years and is now trying to get back 'into it'.

I found it a bit uneasy to hear about her horrible dating stories because I didn't know her that well, but it was funny because apparently the men she kept going out with always made her pay for dinner and stuff.

As we talked, I knew I was being a bit too quiet and that either Ben or Cox would ask me for a 'tragic dating story' soon, and I figured if it came up then I'd talk about the time I went out with Claire and how she said "are you interrogating me?" when I asked her what she did after uni.

Sure enough, Cox asked me and I told them that story, which got a bundle of laughter.

Claire and Cox then started talking about how they hated spineless men, and at first I felt safe because I thought they were talking about men who were physically abusive towards women, but then Cox added "yeah, I hate it when they pander to you" and Claire agreed.

That was the definition I was most afraid of.

Were they having a go at me? Probably not. But did I feel like I was that type of person? Hmmm...maybe.

It was kinda ironic, because I had spent the majority of my life thinking that the way to get a girl was to please her, and here was Cox saying she "hated" men who pandered to her.

I was glad to finally get away from that conversation and do some work, but then after a while Ben and I got into this deep discussion about religion, nature and how superficial and materialistic society had become. The bottom line was: why are we so obsessed with ourselves when there are so many more important things in life???

I left work at 5pm and went home, relieved to find no one home. Pandy had left some keys for Kim and I to the backdoor, as some guy is moving into the front room. I went to get a few wicked wings and came back and made some canned soup. It was the best goddamn soup I have had in a looooong time! Mmm it was yum.

I spent the rest of the night watching Highlander. It was ok, but probably a bit out of my generation. In the back of my mind I always kept an eye on the time, hoping that it would finish soon. I think it really takes the joy out of movies when you see it as a duty, rather than as an interest.

Anyway, out of interest this morning, I found these articles which seemed pretty intriguing:

The Man with no Spine

There once was a man without a spine.

He was a very likable guy. The advantage of not having a spine was that he could fit himself to anyone, and he frequently did. He could flex this way and that.

But he couldn't stand up ...

...and being kinda mushy and flat most of the time, people often walked on him without realizing he was there.

So he got sad, having this dreadful absence of a spine, and he was resentful too. He wondered why other people couldn't fit themselves to him the way he fit himself to others, but that was silly because he never felt he had the right to ask anyone directly to fit themselves to him. He was formless, what was there to fit to anyway?

...

He wished he could be with a woman, to help him the way a spine would. If he clung to a woman with a spine, he could stand up, but women didn't like it when he did that. He often called them "bitches" for the women with spines coldly asked him to let go of them, or unceremoniously shrugged him and his issues off onto the ground telling him to get his own spine.

Do you think that sounds like me?

Stop trying to be liked and start being you
I don’t like you.

Four words we hate to hear. For some reason, we all like to be liked. No revelation there. It’s how we’re wired. We hate it when people don’t like us – even people we don’t really know. Some of us will do almost anything to be liked. We love to please, even at the expense of our own happiness, values, beliefs and standards. We compromise ourselves a hundred ways and turn ourselves inside-out trying to make others like us, but in that approval-seeking process we often forget who we are and wind up being disliked by the one person whose opinion should matter the most; us.

Newsflash 1: Some people aren’t gonna like you.

Newsflash 2: That’s okay.

That’s right – life ain’t fair and even though you may very well be a fantastic human being, some people will find a reason to dislike you no matter what you do or how fabulous you are. Chances are it’s more about their issues than anything you have or haven’t done. There are people who don’t like me who have never actually met me or had a conversation with me. That’s fine with me. I won’t invest emotional energy into things I can’t change. I will endeavour to be the best Craig Harper I can be and if my best still generates critics and people who find reason to dislike me (which it will), that’s okay. The only person I can change is me, so I’ll focus on improving, educating and developing myself rather than trying to create a fan club or convince people to like me.

While it’s normal and very human to have the desire to be needed, liked, loved and important to others, it’s also crucial for our development to get clear about who we are and what we stand for, and to live a life consistent with those values – to like ourselves. Otherwise we simply become frustrated People Pleasers.

Newsflash 3: It’s okay to disagree with people. Even people you like and respect.

Newsflash 4: Some people’s overwhelming need to be liked is the very thing that makes them hard to like (there’s some irony for you).

Newsflash 5: For many people, their need to be liked is actually a significant barrier to their personal and professional growth.

Somehow this made me think about Michael L. If agreeing t an extreme was an attempt to be liked, then could his constant disagreeing be his attempt to be respected?

Meet Joe Black

"Love is passion, obsession, someone you can't live without. If you don't start with that, what are you going to end up with? Fall head over heels. I say find someone you can love like crazy and who'll love you the same way back. And how do you find him? Forget your head and listen to your heart. I'm not hearing any heart. Run the risk, if you get hurt, you'll come back. Because, the truth is there is no sense living your life without this. To make the journey and not fall deeply in love - well, you haven't lived a life at all. You have to try. Because if you haven't tried, you haven't lived."
-- William Parrish, Meet Joe Black

"So tell me Joe... How come a man as attractive, intelligent, well-spoken... diffident in the most seductive way, and yet... powerful... is all alone in this world?"
-- Susan Parrish

After having sausages for breakfast, I drove out to Bangalow to check out the markets. I was sooo cool! It was like the markets here, but bigger. I bought a lemonade, and it was like traditional lemonade, basically just iced water with lemon juice added to it, not like the commercial products we've been brainwashed with.

I enjoyed drinking it and walking around. I didn't buy anything. I thought about buying some honey for my mom and sister, but I don't think they'd use it. I gave fifty cents to a girl playing a guitar and singing, only because I felt sorry for her. She was singing so softly, I wanted to give her a bit more confidence to sing louder.

I drove back home and went to the supermarket to get some coke and meat for sandwiches, and then watched Joe Black.

I looooooved it! It was a blend between a comedy, romance and drama. It was interesting to see Pitt play death, and I really liked the relationship that blossomed between him and Susan. She is SO HOT! She has amazing eyes, and has the type of beauty that is realistic - not a model, doesn't need make up, just natural. I don't know how she does it, but when she looks at Brad's face, I just melted, it was like she was looking at me.

I liked it so much that there were times when I had to rewind to hear what they said, especially the bit where it looked like he was going to tell her that he was death.

It raised so many questions. Did she like the young man in the coffee shop? Or did she fall in love with Death? Or did it even matter, as long as whoever it was just had the same outer shell?

I could see some of his awkwardness in me, and it made me feel that it was ok to not be smooth all the time, that sometimes being a bit awkward can be a good thing. Maybe I should try to be a bit more like him?

Hmmm...makes me want to be death.

Cox's engagement party

Noteworthy: Tracy had on her facebook status that she got the date of returning to work wrong, and so missed the first day of work. Come on, you got to be pretty dumb to do that right?

On Friday night I went to get some Chinese takeaway from the restaurant around the corner, secretly hoping that the cute girl would be there. She was. But when I walked up to her counter and made the order, I got a really good close up look at her and realised she wasn't really that good looking. Oh well.

I ate my dinner while watching Seabiscuit, a movie recommended by Shuing. It was a good movie, but I was expecting more of a moral lesson, maybe because it came from Shuing. He usually has some good recommendations of movies teaching life lessons and that, but I couldn't glean it from this movie? I was just glad that it wasn't a sad ending (I thought they'd have to put down the horse or something).

Yesterday morning I handwashed some of my clothes and hung them out to dry, then washed my car, and then went out to buy COx a present. Since I had bought Ben a farewell gift, I thought I should give her one as well because they're the two closest people I know up here.

I had in mind a fragrance, and I remember over-hearing Jude talk about a chemist shop that sold them cheaply, so I decided to check that place out. I got there fairly easily, it's a lot closer than I thought. I was checking out the fragrances when the lady at the counter asked if I needed help, and I said I was looking for something for a colleague.

She asked me if it was a guy or girl, and if she was the light and bright type or the dark and gloomy type, and I said the former, and she asked me what my price range was, and I said $30 to $50. She picked out Britney Spears for me, and it had a nice packaging and smell so I chose that one.

It was nearly lunch time, so I went to the Subway next door and got myself a sandwich, and went back home to eat it over You Don't Mess With the Zohan. Funny movie, but I fell asleep during it because I was a bit tired.

I woke up and it was time to get ready to go to Cox's engagement party, so I got changed and cleaned out my car a bit because I had offered to drive Ben and his wife. I had a bit of a dilemma as to whether I should give Ben and Cox their presents now, since it'd be a good time because it was away from work so no one else would know, but on the other hand, it was kinda inappropriate to give someone a gift for one occasion whilst attending for another?

I decided against it, but then put the perfume in my car in case Ben had a present for Cox, even though she told me it was a no presents thing. She said that it wasn't really an engagement party, but her friends all wanted to catch up because of the news, so they decided to have a barbeque which was a way to not invite her relatives, so it was pretty informal.

I drove to Ben's place (surprisingly still remembered how to get there), and once I was there I called his phone and no one answered. His dog came to my car and I was a bit scared, lol, then Ben looked into my car from the other side. He was shirtless wearing a cowboy hat and jeans, and said he'd show me how to feed the cows.

I was pretty excited and scared at the same time. As soon as he let me into the paddock all sorts of thoughts were running through my head: What if they charge at me? Am I able to jump that fence? What if they don't like me and kick me?

Ben was giving me some tips about not standing behind them where they could kick you, and I was trying to absorb as much as I could. Surprisingly the cows seemed to back away from us, and Ben said it was weird cause they didn't seem to realise they were 250kgs and we were only one fifth of that.

I fed one cow some bread, but then dropped it when his mouth got too close, lol. When we got to the main herd, they started swarming Ben because he was holding the bread. He gave me a few slices and told me to hold onto them while he took a photo with my camera. The cows had began swarming me, and I was shitless as to what they'd do so I gave them the bread quickly, before Ben could snap a shot, and so the only photos taken were of me standing there surrounded by cows without bread, lol.

I was looking one in the eye and wondered what she thought. Was she scared of me? Did she think I was a threat? Or was she curious to see me?

The baby calf was so cute, he was running around like a dog, lol.

Ben took me for a bit of a walk around the place, which was really exciting. I seriously wondered whether I could ever live this lifestyle. It really was the simple life. No superficial and materialistic distractions that define Sydney.

After that he went inside to get changed and I had a bit of a talk with his wife Vic while we waited. We just talked about the farm, me returning to Sydney and Avatar.

They had suggested to take their car, which probably was a better idea anyway since I didn't know the way to Cox's place.

Conversation went pretty well during the half hour trip, and I soon found myself in a different neighbourhood. Cox lived in a suburb that could be seen as a middle ground between Lismore and Sydney. Maybe because it was close to the beach.

The three of us walked in to see a group of people sitting around in a circle holding their beers and chatting. We all just nodded and said hello, and then went in to look for Cox. She was in the kitchen, and her fiancee Ben2 was also there. There was a girl making drinks, and I caught her looking at me twice before we were introduced. When I showed them the photos of me with Ben's cows, she came over and had a look and laughed. I took it as a sign to talk to her, but ended up talking to Ben2 and then following Cox as she showed us around the house.

We stood around talking outside for a while, everyone with their beers and me with my apple juice, lol. Ben, Ben2 and I were in a group, whilst Vic was talking to the girl who had been making drinks.

Ben2 soon left and his trainer friend replaced him, and we talked for a bit before Vic, Ben and I moved over to the couches while everyone else sat at the main table. It was like that for the rest of the night, and there was a long spell were Ben disappeared to help with the barbeque or something and Vic and I were just talking about her travels and cats.

When Ben returned I managed to get some goss out of him about the office. Apparently Chris used to be the manager but then couldn't handle the stress and went on leave for more than a year. He reckons Jude may have backed herself into a corner by not getting along with a lot of people, and she apparently wants to be manager. Also, Don has had a run-in with her in the past too. Oh and the admin staff don't like her either because she treats them like shit. I remember over-hearing her talking to Sarah once and thought "that's not how you talk to people".

By the end of the night Cox and Ben2 had joined us as well. I thought they did a pretty good job distributing themselves even;y amongst everyone. I know Cox thought that was very important. When we said we were leaving, Cox lent me the book she had been talking about where some guy cuts his own penis off. Don't know why she thought I was interested, maybe she believed my nods were genuine.

Ben drove us back to his place and then I drove back home to finish watching Zohan.

During the night I thought it was kinda funny. I think it was only Friday that Shuing had told me over email about his thoughts on how white people could never accept Asians in this country, about how there would always be a "friction", and he even made fun of how they spent their time around barbeques.

Those thoughts came into my head as soon as I stepped foot into Cox's place. The first thing I noticed was that everyone was white, and I felt like I stood out because I was Asian. It was something I thought about during the entire night there.

I may have felt a bit left out, but was that because I was Asian? Or was it because I didn't know anyone there?

'Friction' may have been the right word, and I may have felt it, but again, can I attribute that to me being Asian, or just because no one knew me? Put it this way, if everyone there was Asian, things probably would've still been the same - I still would spent the night with Ben and Vic because I knew them the most.

So I am not so sure about how accurate Shuing's assessment was. But I knew one thing: I was more tolerant, open and accepting than he was. He seems to have made up his mind. My mind is not closed...fully, yet.

Oh and the girl mixing the drinks? I heard Vic say something about how her job was to help people re-visit their birth experiences...so it sounds pretty weird to me, so maybe I didn't miss out on much?

Gene & WYC on facebook

Last night I was browsing through the bball forums, and some guy had this idea of posting pictures of girls who have broken our hearts, which made me think about NTM.

I went to bed thinking about that, and couldn't sleep for a while. I then started thinking about the lone Ryu, about how if he was a real person, he'd be by himself in some forest somewhere, retiring for the night peacefully on some cool rocky platform, without a distraction in the world.

And that made me sleep.

This morning I woke up earlier than usual, intending to get to work earlier, but ended up getting there at the usual 8:30am. I finished off the report for the file Brendan gave me, with a disappointing negative answer. I had a good chat with him about it, just to show I actually gave it some thought instead of adopting everyone else's opinions. I also deliberately asked if he could check if the new person wanted to take over my lease, not so much so that they can take over my lease, but just to show that I actually signed a six month lease, as proof that I had the intention to stay here for that long.

I spent the rest of the day trying to summarise that case for Karen, but kept getting distracted because it was so boring. Everytime I found myself checking emails or reading the news I'd tell myself to snap out of it and re-focus, only to find myself doing it again 15 minutes later.

I felt like pigging out for lunch, so got some hot chips and gravy, which was the envy of all who smelled it, lol.

Ben asked if I was going to Cox's engagement party, which she invited me to yesterday after I stupidly said I wasn't doing anything on the weekend. I was a bit reluctant and he said I could tell him later, so I had that in the back of my mind all day.

He also showed Pete and I a movie in the morning which he had a small role in, and I really couldn't believe it! Someone I knew was there! In a movie! Brilliant! And he looks exactly the same!!

Brendan came over and had a chat with me about that case, saying he agreed with my conclusion but just wanted to find a way around it to nail the guy, lol. I was glad that he felt like talking about it, and that he felt I was the one to speak to.

Towards the end of the day Pete decided to drag me out for a talk, and so I just listened. Even though I find it a bit boring, I kinda like making him feel like someone is there to listen.

By the end of the day I had decided to go to Cox's engagement party, so I told Ben and we organised for me to meet at his place tomorrow at 5pm.

I got home earlier, and Pandy said the two girls had changed their minds about the place, which upset her a bit. Looks like I'll be having this place all to myself for the rest of my time here.

While waiting for her to leave, I had nothing to do so on facebook I looked up Gene and WYC. Gene looks a lot prettier, maybe because she has long hair now. And is it me, or does she look a lot like...Ele?

WYC looks the same, and her profile picture showed her with some guy steering a yacht. I'm happy for her I guess. The thought of adding her skimmed across my mind, but then I told myself that she was in a different class than I was. She will always be the smart, wealthy one, and I will always be the scrub who went to a public school.

The results are in!

From amihotornot.com:
Me - 7.4 from 51 votes
Bob - 8.1 from 55 votes

From Beautiful People:
Me - somewhere between the red cross and the orange cross (with a pic rating of 5.07)
Bob - at the red cross (with a pic rating of 4.99)

So because I'm biased in favour of myself, I'm obviously going to argue that BP is a classier and more elegant site, whereas amihotornot.com seems much trashier, but I suppose we're pretty even. Or maybe people just judge all Asians the same.

Eh.

Anyway, this morning I decided to take another look at the photos of CLE. What I noticed this time was that she had an engagement ring on.

Uh-huh...

I checked the pic of the tall guy she was standing with and noticed he wasn't wearing a ring, so it couldn't be him.

Oh well, I guess we all move on. Except me.

I finished that document to help Ben today, then we had a morning tea which according to Pete was to thank me for culling. I found it a bit awkward for a while with no one to talk to, but I was pretty pre-occupied with thinking how I could get a second lemon tart slice without anyone noticing, lol.

Ben the other day said his wife Vic noticed I was pretty observant. I guess that's what quiet people do, but I am not analysing or judgmental as some may perceive...I really have nothing going on in my head when I am quiet within a group.

Alison later started talking to me, just making chit chat about my new job, and then I started talking to Col. He's a really cool old man, I think I'm going to miss him. When he first joined the morning tea he asked "so have you told everyone yet?" and I said "about what?" and he said "about changing your mind and staying", and Teesh said "are you staying?" and Col laughed and said he just liked to embarass people, lol.

But yeah, we had a bit of a chat and seemed to like the same things, but later on he seemed to really have an agenda against the judge. I thought that was a pretty good time to exit.

I spent the majority of the day trying to summarise that case for Karen, but kept getting distracted by either Shuing's emails or people talking about my office.

In the afternoon, Pete saw me tying my shoelace at my desk and made a comment, so I walked over to him thinking I'd just have a short chat, but he ended up blabbering on for a while. I've found that, despite his somewhat confrontational persona, he is just a bit lonely sometimes and wants an ear for his experience and past stories.

Brendan gave me an interesting file for research, and I was thankful because I was pretty bored. When I read the file, I saw an email from Brendan to the cop giving him the advice that there was no point in proceeding, but that he has asked "one of our bright young lawyers [insert name here]" to have a look at it.

Fucking hell, talk about pressure!

Why does he think I'm smart? Why do people think I'm smart? Why was I offered that permanent position after only a few months? I don't think I'm smart. I don't think I'm worthy of a permanent role. Is it because I look smart? You put glasses on any Asian and they'll look like a nerd, but damn, if only they knew.

I spent the rest of the afternoon researching, then Cox came over and had a chat, and it got pretty funny when Ben joined in and we were talking about profanities. Sometimes when Cox is talking to me, I think that in another life, where she isn't engaged, we might actually make a good couple.

I left work at about 5:15pm, went home, then went to get a couple of mangoes and KFC, because yesterday Pete and Col were talking about KFC and it made me crave for it, lol.

I'm really liking living by myself. I've realised that I'm starting to plan a lot better. I've even calculated how much I'm allowed to spend per day. I'm making my own lunches for work, and I'm doing shopping for the week in advance.

So this is growing up.

CLE on facebook!

Some little things I have forgotten to blog about:

- yesterday while I was culling files, Teesh brought her son into the room to watch tv, but then changed her mind when she saw me working there, presumably not wanting to disturb me, so I quickly moved everything to my own room and told her the conference room was now free. She took the folders I was holding off me, and I walked into the stationery room to return some stuff. She yelled out "there's a statement here", and I asked "what?" and she walked in and gave me the statement. I took one look at it, recognised it was a duplcate, and chucked it in the bin. She started laughing really loud. I think if I wasn't leaving, I might have a chance with her.

- one day I bumped into Heffo in the morning going to work, and while we were waiting for the lift, I looked at the trolley he had and asked "that's not work is it?" and he said it was just personal stuff, and then started talking about how it wasn't worth taking work home based on the salary he was getting. Then another day, while Pete and I were talking, he came up to us and asked if we ever get sick of these child sex cases. I could tell he was just fed up about his job and not being promoted, because why would you bring it up NOW after 20 years?? I mean, you would've gotten sick of these cases in five years! Oh well, I think he's justified in his grievance.

Anyway, I woke up at 6:30am this morning, which is pretty late for my standards on a weekday here. I checked facebook as usual, and saw some photos Heath had posted of last year's law ball. I thought it was interesting that he went to it, since he graduated in my year (or at least, not bloody 2009). So I took a look at them.

There were only about six or seven. There were a couple of him and an Asian girl, and I wondered if he had left the blonde girl I last saw him with, because if he had, then she might be a pretty good match for me, because she was attractive in that conversation decent way. Anyway, I saw a photo of him with a blonde girl, and at first blush I didn't think she was very good looking.

It was only I decided to look at the enlarged versions, one by one, that I realised she was..........CLE!

Oh...my...fucking...god.

I couldn't believe it. It was her. The girl I had been thinking about all these years (along with NTM). She looked a bit older, but I could still see why I was so into her. She has really nice eyes. Her hairline has really receded, maybe more than mine.

I saw another pic of her with a tall beared man, and I wondered if he was her boyfriend.

Because he hadn't tagged her in any of the photos, I wondered if she had an actual facebook profile. So I checked Heath's friends list and.........there she was. She had a cute profile photo. I think she only created her account recently, because I remember looking her up a while ago and she wasn't there.

So there you have it, CLE on facebook.

And in slightly related news, probably to your surprise, no, I have not looked at NTM's photos since that time I first discovered them. I haven't banned myself from doing so, but I guess I'm just not obsessed anymore.

I wonder if either of them have seen me on facebook, and if so, what were their thoughts?

Work today was a bit better. I finished culling yesterday's file and put it back in Paul's room. I then did some legal work because of an email Brendan had sent around, and then Karen came over and had that "oh you're leaving!" talk with me, which coincided with her asking me to have a look at that computer case of hers, which I didn't mind, because I was bored shitless anyway. Then Ben asked me later in the day to help him with a file of his, so that was cool.

When I came home, Pandy was here with two girls. They seemed pretty young, I think she said they were 19. I heard them talking and it sounded like they were going to rent two of the rooms, and would move in around the time that I leave. I think I'm too used to living by myself to all of a sudden living with two strangers.

I lent her some of the movies I had rented, leaving myself with only Seabiscuit and I Love You Man. I think I'm gonna go watch the latter now.

The offer - permanent

Ben was back today, he was away on flex yesterday. Maybe that's why I felt so vulnerable yesterday. He bought a pack of honey coated cashwers like me, and it was finished before lunch time, lol.

At about 11:30am, I got bored of culling so I went to eat my banana, standing near the 'break free' area. I watched as Brendan walked over to Ben's office and started talking to him. I somehow got the impression that it was good news, and I was waiting for Carmen nearby, who was listening, to congratulate Ben.

Then I heard Ben yell out, "thanks a lot [insert name here]!"

I took this as a queue to walk over, and Brendan said to Ben "I was just about to say that he wasn't in his office".

I walked over and asked "what am I being thanked for?"

Turns out that because I'm leaving, instead of Ben going on circuit, the head poncho for regional areas is sending someone from Sydney to do it, meaning Ben will remain here. All because of me.

I know he was really looking forward to it, because of the experience and the extra cash, so I felt really bad about it. There was nothing I could do. He complained about it in a joking manner, but we all knew how he felt.

A couple of hours later, I was at my desk when my phone rang.

God, I don't even have any matters in the nearby future, how can anyone be after me?

It was some dude from personnel. He confirmed that I had resigned.

Oh, so this must be some standard procedural thing.

Then he said he called to offer me a permanent position...in Wagga Wagga.

...

......

.........

I asked if I could have time to think about it, and he sounded like I couldn't, but gave me a day.

Look, I most probably won't take it, because it's in Wagga. But goddamnit, either that head poncho must really want me to stay, or I only got it because I'm 'active' on the e-list again since I resigned.

I really probably don't have much to think about, but these are the things I've been thinking about:

- calling Genie, to ask her about the career opportunities and prospects of contract renewal at the CDDP, but her phone has been off

- how Ben would feel snubbed, because he's on a one year contract, and here I am, the new guy, on a six month contract, and just because I got a better job offer, I suddenly get offered a permanent role

- permanent is really, really, really hard to get, they only usually give it out to people who have stayed a while and/or proven themselves, I obviously don't feel worthy of this

- the thought of re-locating is not very appealing, but maybe Wagga won't be so bad? After all, I do enjoy living away from home

- do I really want to be a permanent out there? Wasn't my goal originally to do two years here and go back to Sydney? Well now you have the chance, so what's there to think about?

- getting into the CDDP is really, really, really fucking hard, are you really going to blow that away?

- I think doing Cth matters would give me more job opportunities, after two years, than doing state matters

Bad day at work

I watched The Bet yesterday and then Analyse That over dinner. Both good movies. The Bet made me want to value money more, to take care of myself more. Can't believe I was stupid enough to gamble. Greed really is a dangerous thing.

Today at work was kinda a downer. Brendan came back from leave, and I thought I should go over and have a talk to him about my departure, but he came over first, and we couldn't have a proper conversation because Pete overheard and joined in.

Probably naturally, Brendan got me to do some culling. I shouldn't feel surprised to be doing shit kicking jobs once I resigned, and I was kinda happy that I'd have something to keep me busy. But I couldn't help but feel a bit degraded that I was putting on my suit to work everyday now just to cull files.

Anyway, I was culling them in the middle desk like Pete was doing last week, and then Jude turns around and asks if I'm going to be doing that for a while, because the noise of the paper shuffling was annoying her. I found that to be pretty funny, because she talks so loud Ben actually requested a change of office. And here I was getting a complaint from her about my paper shuffling???

I did the rest of my culling thinking about it. Little did she know that she had just drawn some resentment from me. Oh how dumb some people can be.

I still haven't quite figured Pete out yet, but for now I'm content to see him as a harmless, overly-friendly guy who inadvertently comes off as rude. Like when I was culling in the conference room, he closed the doors and left me in the dark, saying it was because I was leaving them in the dark. I just laughed, but it kinda hurt me inside.

It was Cox who said he was being a bully and opened the doors for me. I think if I was any more sensitive, then this could be considered as workplace bullying.

At lunch I went out to get something to fill the lolly jar. I told myself to deliberately get something Jude didn't like, but then I didn't want to reveal my cards just yet. Maybe I should go to the other extreme and get her something she likes, so she doesn't suspect? But nah, I had too much self respect to do that.

I ended up going for something new, never tried before - honey coated cashews, which everyone seemed to like, especially Jude.

Now it seems that I despise everything she does - the grabbing of the cashews (I was about to say "hey leave some for Pete"), the sneezing out loud without covering her mouth (wtf???), and the constant chats to try to elicit information from me.

She can fuck off.

I was so glad to leave work today.

Pandy had some guy come over to have a look at the house. He was like me - Asian, came here to work, knew nothing about the place. He didn't seem interested though, and seemed to want to check out the bathroom the most.

And it's on...

Most probably out of boredom, I remembered reading an article the other day about a dating website that only contained 'beautiful people'.

The way it works is after you sign up, there is a 48 hour period in which people of the opposite sex rank you, and if you fail, then you get booted off the site.

I decided to give it a go, up a photo of myself onto it and see exactly how I would be judged. I wasn't expecting a 10/10, but I was hopeful that I'd be good looking enough to stay on the site.

There are basically four choices when people vote - a big red cross, a not so red cross, a light green tick, and a darker green tick. At first I got a whole bunch of big red crosses, and then some not so red crosses, and at last, a bit of the light green tick.

Since the initial result was pretty disappointing, I was just glad to get that little green tick, even if it was only one? Maybe I was just after some approval/validation, and that was enough for me.

Anyway, I had a quick browse through the site, and it looks like half the other people are either using fake photos, or professional photos!! Well, I never thought I could compare myself with those people, so no wonder I got such harsh results. I like to think I'm better than average, but certainly nowhere near a professional model like them.

But to further make things interesting, I got this idea of uploading my arch nemesis Bob's photo up onto amihitornot.com last night. I gave him the benefit of the bought and chose that one which shows a rather muscular shoulder, strategically cropped (by him) before it goes any lower to reveal the fat.

I was kinda eager to see the results today, but apparently your photo doesn't get shown unless you rate other people first, so I did that for a while, and noticed that some pretty bad looking girls were getting some pretty high scores. I think there are a lot of desperate guys out there.

But then I decided to check out the guys. To my surprise, everyone had a pretty high score. There was like a 50 year old man who had a 9/10! WTF? But in comparison, guys didn't get that many votes, so it was harder to get an accurate average.

As I made that revelation, I thought I had given Bob a little bit too much of an advantage, as that site obviously had some very desperate people on it, or people just enjoyed clicking 10's, while my one had bloody professional models on it.

So to be fair, I've uploaded his photo on the Beautiful People one, and I'll be upping my one on amihotornot.com

Yes, childish, but I am also bored out of my mind.

Simone and The Hangover

Man, work is really de-motivating. Thursday and Friday were pretty much the same - me trying to do file notes, checking the news every 15 minutes, waiting for lunch time, eating, hoping Ben comes over for a chat, waiting till 4:30pm when I can knock off.

On Friday when Ben came over for a chat he told me his wife was in hospital. I heard him and Cox talk about it before, but figured it was very private so he didn't want to tell me. Apparently she was pregnant, but the baby died and remained inside her, so her body was still giving blood to that area, and one day on the street she just collapsed. Poor girl.

I couldn't wait till the weekend, work is so goddamn boring. Why do they make us level 1 lawyers come back so early when the court is still closed? Ugh. I feel bad for staying so long after giving notice, because I don't think I will have four weeks worth of work, and so I feel guilty for wasting money.

I know on the other hand, if work was busy I'd be complaining, but that's life I suppose. Gotta love balance.

After work on Friday I watched Simone over some CHinese takeaway. The girl who works there now is kinda pretty, but can't speak English very well. When I called and told her my name, she asked me how to spell it. Ah well, too bad I'll be gone in a month.

But anyway, that chick in Simone is HOT! I googled her afterwards and she doesn't seem that hot in other media, but goddamn, in the movie she is like PERFECT! The movie was catergorised as a comedy, but I didn't find it very funny. I mean it was good, but I don't think it was a comedy?

Today I did a bit of cleaning up around the house, bummed around, read a bit of The Game, had a short nap, and then went out to rent some movies and get some lunch. I just felt like having an easy and quiet day.

I rented The Hangover, The Bet, and Analyse That. I watched The Hangover over some fish and chips, and it was great! It was like they tried to fit a puzzle into a comedy. I think Ben recommended this movie. Heather Graham was pretty hot. The movie made me want to have my bachelor party in Vegas...if I ever get married...if I ever get a girlfriend.

Shopgirl

"Some nights alone he thinks of her.
And some nights alone, she thinks of him.
Some nights these thoughts occur at the same moment.
And Ray and Mirabelle are connected without ever knowing it.
"
-- Shopgirl

Hmm you know, watching Shopgirl, and hearing that quote, I thought about CLE and me.

This morning I remembered I was running out of bread and forgot to get some last night, so drove out to get some Macca's for breakfast instead.

Work was pretty much the same, although I went out to get lunch because I couldn't make any due to the lack of bread. I decided to try that takeaway place I spotted when I went to check out the undies the other day with Ben. I saw a tall, attractive girl working there, and that was what caught my eye.

I wasn't served by her, so that was a bummer, but I got a pie, and it was just so good to have a 'normal' pie, because the ones at the pie cart try to be too special.

I ate it back at the office, and again seemed to be part of a group conversation with Peter, Ben, Cox and Paul. Ben came over to my office several times, just to talk. We kinda told eachother how we thought the other was cool, so I guess that was just to confirm that we liked eachother's company. I still cannot be sure though, whether he is genuinely a good guy, or if he's just playing a really good game of politics.

He told me that Brendan actually sent an email to the head regional guy (the one who interviewed me) and asked if there was any way of guaranteeing me two years since Mark was leaving (he didn't know at that stage that Mark didn't get the promotion). Hmmm...if that's true, two things: 1) Brendan is a nice guy; and 2) I feel guilty for being perceived as better than I am.

I left work at 4:30pm again. This time I went straight to the supermarket to get some bread. It was the place I first went to on my first day here. Awww...memories. But as I was walking, I passed a chemist and saw a really attractive girl. Then I thought, "hey, I need something to get rid of my wart anyway", so I went in.

I started looking for the wart treatment. She was at the counter.

Please, please, please come over and ask if I need any help.

She came over and asked if I needed any help :)

I told her I was looking for something for warts, and she took me directly to a shelf and pointed something out to me and said it was the best. She began telling me how to use it and what to do, but all I could do was look at her eyes and think "goddamnit she's beautiful". She seemed a bit young though, maybe 19 or 20, so I felt guilty.

I bought the stuff, but then found out later I needed bandaids as well.

I went home, had a bit of a chat with Pandy, and then watch Shopgirl over dinner (baked pizza). It was a pretty good movie. It wasn't really funny...nor romantic. A little bit sad. Can't believe Claire Danes was so naive.

It makes me want to approach counter girls and chat them up. I wonder if I'd have a good chance in my suit.

The Ugly Truth

As I walked out of the house yesterday, I felt this severe pain in my neck and left shoulder. Familiarity suddenly struck - it was the same type of pain I used to get after benchpressing. But how did I get it now? I hadn't done anything physical in ages. Maybe it was my sleeping position? Would that explain past pains as well?

Work was pretty chillaxing yesterday, did a hand over note for a second file. Andrew wanted to talk to me about the rostering, but that ended up bringing everyone around and it turned into a discussion about how unfair it was that Mark didn't get the TA position and that some guy from the outside got it.

In a way, I was glad I was leaving because this just demonstrated that the people up top don't value loyalty. Mark has been working for more than 20 years now, and they reward him by giving the position to someone external.

Also, as Ben said, Mark not getting the position meant that when Amina gets back, there will be no room for me. So maybe this was the right decision.

I brought my own sandwiches for lunch, and Peter asked why I was holding it so carefully (I was holding the plastic wrapper instead of the bread). That ended up starting a whole group conversation between me, him, Ben and Cox.

I left work at 4:30pm, went home and found Pandy working on a door. I told her about leaving, and she said it might be a good time to break the lease anyway because there were so many people interested. We had a bit of a talk about the prospective tenants, and she said she's decided to give it to two girls (ages 33 and 26) who will move in around the end of this month.

I knew it! Just my luck. I bet you they're hot, and I only get like a week with them. Far out.

I went out to buy a plate because I broke one in the morning while washing it (Kim had stayed on Monday night btw, and left again yesterday), then went to rent some videos. I planned to use the voucher to rent a new release and two weeklies, but turns out everything was $2 on Tuesdays!! No wonder there were so many people there.

I rented The Ugly Truth, The Shop Girl, and Simone. I watched The Ugly Truth over dinner, and it was a pretty damn funny movie. I guess I was in the mood for a romantic comedy. I like Gerard Butler, I think he's a good actor. How about that doctor? I wonder if I can ever get abs like him. Do girls actually like that type of guy?

Resignation - DDP

I got to the office at about 8:30am today, walked in and said morning to Col as usual, and he had this big grin on his face as he reached out his hand for a handshake.

Oh god, this is just going to make it harder.

I asked if Brendan was in and he said not until next week. As if knowing why I had asked, Lynette nearby said I could talk to Andrew, who was acting in his position.

I saw Peter in his office and had a chat to him, then had a chat with Paul. I was wondering whether this was appropriate given that I was going to resign later. They might think I'm sly for not telling them? Would it be better to just not chat with them until they find out?

Ben arrived and after some chit chat I knew what he really wanted to talk about, and I told him I had decided to leave. Later on, there was a group chat between me, Ben, Cox and Peter. I saw Andrew walk by and mentally prepared myself, only to watch as Lynette handed him a file and told him he had to go to court for it.

By 12:30pm he hadn't returned, so I went out to get some lunch. I ate it back at the office by myself at the tables as Ben and Cox chatted away.

Later, Ben told me about cheap undies and asked if I wanted to check the store out, so we went for a walk. Surprisingly we didn't talk much about work, we just talked about the recent attacks on Indian students and sports.

Ben had said the undies were $2, but when we got there they were $4. I decided to ask the lady at the cashier. I said "excuse me" and she didn't seem to react. I felt a bit embarassed, probably at being ignored, but it was more likely that she didn't hear me. I quickly repeated myself and she responded before I even finished, which made me think that she heard me the first time but I was over-eager in waiting for a response.

She said the undies were $4.

At about 1:30ish, I noticed Andrew had returned and Ben prompted me. But when I went to his office, he was on the phone. I returned to my room trying to finish some handover notes for a file. I thought about trying again, only to see Ben, Paul and Peter at the window outside Andrew's office talking and laughing.

I waited for them to finish, but all I kept hearing was laughter.

Grrr...

Finally they finished up, and Ben came and had a chat with me, then said he'd let me go talk to Andrew. I went over, asked if he had to return to court, he said no, and I said I wanted to talk to him about some employment issues. He had a very concerned look on his face and asked me to sit down. I felt like someone who was about to report some form of sexual harassment or something.

I told him I had accepted a two year contract with the DDP so I was resigning. He congratulated me and asked when I was leaving. I said it was up to him, but maximum was four weeks. We went over to my desk to grab the roster so he could consider whether Peter and I should swap so I could at least do the first week. I didn't really want to, but I could see it as a farewell week.

Soon, everyone started learning about it, thanks to Ben. He told Cox, who came over and had a chat. Then Peter found out, and we had a group discussion mainly about religion.

I left work at 4:30pm, and gave the CDDP lady a call, but there was no answer, so I left a message saying I had given notice of my resignation and wanted to discuss a starting date. Walking home, I held my phone in my hand and kept checking it, but it never rang.

Had they changed their mind? If so, was it because of the delay in getting my testamur? Or am I just freaking out and being totally insecure?

I knew it was the latter. A had told me not to resign until I had signed the new contract, but they had given me everything else to sign and sent me details about salary and even asked me what name I wanted for my email. So they wouldn't go back on it now...would they?

After I got home, I called their office receptionist and asked about the lady, and was told that she was working today. That gave me cause for greater concern. Why had she not responded to my email last week? Why wasn't she returning my call?

I also got online earlier, and while ironing my shirts, saw that the Canadian girl was online. I said hello but she didn't respond and went offline.

Had I done something wrong? Why wasn't she talking to me?

Again, my insecurity was eating away at me.

Back to Lismore for the last time?

On Friday I had planned to go for a mile jog, to complete the week, but I also wanted to prevent any further damage to my knee, and the latter won in the end.

I went for a haircut, and did a tiny amount of packing for the trip. In the afternoon I met up with Malay and we went to buy Thai a cake for his birthday. I ended up choosing the cake, I hope he liked it.

We drove to his place to give him the cake and then we caught a bus out to the city where we found G, Brain and Scope waiting for us outside the arcade place. We stood around for a while trying to decide what to eat. I wanted steak, but didn't want to force anyone into anything, so I asked them, and the frustrating thing with these guys is they're so INDECISIVE!

You ask them something and they'll either say "I don't know" or "I don't care". I think that is why they don't have girlfriends. As for me? Who knows, maybe you're in a better position to answer that.

In the end, I had to forcefully suggest that small Chinese restaurant which gives you free soy drinks. Usually the food is pretty decent and cheap, but this time I felt the chicken was kinda off, and Malay showed me the residue in the soy drink which made me stop drinking it immediately.

Shuing couldn't make it because he was sick.

We talked about cars, video games, and my trip. After that we decided to check out the underground arcades because Malay said there was a raffle at 7pm. We ended up spending most of our time on the basketball shootout, and Scope annoyed me a bit because he said he wasn't going to play the second game (which I was fine with) but then helped G shoot, so he almost doubled our score.

I also won a little monkey keyring from those skill tester machines, and then we walked out not knowing what to do, then finally deciding to get a coffee. So we went to the Gloria Jeans on the corner, and I brought up The Game and told them some ideas about it. The only person who could continue a conversation about this was Malay, because he's reading the book too. I could tell the others were silently interested. I hope some of the things I said 'clicked' for G, because he really has NFI (yet still manages to pull more dates than me).

I also told them about how I created an online dating account just for fun, and they seemed a bit more interested in that. That also led to G telling us about his account, which I already knew about.

We called it a night after that, because they were going to Jamberoo with Thai and his wife the next day and so had to get up early. We all made the long walk to G's car and he gave us all a lift home.

On Saturday I finished my packing (ended up forgetting my slippers) and left at about 8:30am. I was dreading this drive a bit, maybe because I knew how long and laborious it would be. From time to time I would think about how I would break the news to Brendan, but I still have not come up with a good idea.

I actually took my time on the drive, stopping pretty much every two hours. I stopped at a rest area and slept a bit as well as playing on my laptop, I stopped at Macca's for food, I stopped at the Big Banana and took a few photos, I stopped at another rest area, and still managed to arrive before sunset, at about 7:30pm-ish.

Pandy left a note welcoming me back, and said there were a few good prospective tenants she'd like to talk to me about. I knew it wouldn't matter anyway, because I'd soon be telling her I'd be moving out. But I know that as luck would have it, some hot girl will move in as I move out.

I was pretty damn tired, so I just grabbed a hot dog for dinner at a new shop and ate it back home. I was so glad to get some sleep.

Today I went to Pacific Fair to get Ben a tie as a farewell present. I didn't really want to go, because I wanted to give my car a break and I also wasn't in the mood for another long drive, but that was the only place with a Myer store. Also, my right arm is sunburnt from driving, and I didn't want to expose it anymore.

When I got there I felt like having a banana split for some reason, but then couldn't bring myself to spend $7.50 on it, so skipped it. I got a light blue tie for Ben (hope he likes it), and then bought myself some slippers. I took a walk around the shopping centre, and was kinda glad to see so many people and such a mixture. It was kinda like Sydney.

I did get myself a watermelon juice and enjoyed it as I browsed through the shops.

My drive back was kinda long, due to the traffic as I left, and also this really slow moving caravan close to home.

I rented Analyse This, went home and made some food for a late lunch, then heated some lasagne for dinner as I watched it. It was a good movie, I liked it, I thought both actors did a really good job. But I wonder if that Phoebe chick can act like anything else, or is she limited to that persona of Phoebe?

To be honest, I felt right at home the moment I got back yesterday. I enjoy it here. I guess I enjoy the freedom of living alone. The job is good. I suppose the only reason for taking the Sydney job is because it is a two year contract. Well, that, and the cases are on a larger scale.

I wonder if I am making a mistake.

/knee

I went for a mile jog this morning, timed it, got eight minutes fifty seconds! What the hell? Anyway, as I was running (slowly), I kinda knew it. I told myself, well, if I keep running at this same pace, aren't I going to get the same result? I guess a part of me just wishes that somehow magically I will get a good time even if I keep doing the same thing. Not gonna happen.

I didn't see that girl. Well maybe I did, there was a girl running across the street, but not sure if it was her because she was kinda far away.

I had breakfast, and then drove to the Wick to deposit my coins, buy some drinks and snacks, and then out to the city for petrol. The usual one near the casino surprisingly wasn't at a reduced price, but one I had passed on Cleveland St was reduced by 15 cents, so I ended up going to that one.

I don't usually speak to sales/cashier people beyond the "please" and "thanks", but for some reason I felt like talking to this guy, so I said "you know everywhere else is $1.30?" and he seemed a bit excited to talk about it, saying this was the only place that didn't raise the price, but will go up at 2pm. Hmmm...maybe there is some good in talking...you get information.

I then drove to the courts near me for some shoot around. There was one guy there. He kept calling out when his ball rolled my way, and I just thought, "fucking run for it yourself you lazy bastard".

I just did some normal shots, then free throws, around the world, and then some practice drives. I even tried to touch the backboard, and got it on my second go! Granted, I jumped from the higher end of the court, because it's slanted, but damn, I was surprised I still had my hops. I was wary about doing it because of my knee, but I kinda felt it, you know?

Anyway, later on a tall guy came, and then another guy came, and you could see the potential for a two on two. I told myself to leave before they started a game, but part of me wanted to have a go, to see where I was up to and whether I could compete with them.

Nothing happened for a while, and then two other guys came. You could see a game in the making. But my senses kicked in and made me leave. The battle would have to be left for another day.

I returned home, made lunch and ate it while watching Seinfeld. I then spent a bit of time trying to figure out the card tricks I bought yesterday, and made a bit of progress, but it'll take a bit of practice.

Ele was on MSN earlier on at about 6:30pm, don't know why she's home so early from work. I had blocked her, but seeing her online, I unblocked her, so she saw me come online. Then she went offline. I started mentally bashing my head in, wondering why I gave in so easily. I blocked her again.

Anyway, I've felt a bit of pain in my knee now, due to all the stuff I did on the court today. I don't know if it's because it's my limitation, or if it's just because I am not yet ready for it. But it does not feel good. It is a constant reminder of how disabled I am.

The Black Swan

I went for a mile jog today. Again, I didn't want to, and thought about giving my knee a rest, but in the end I felt overridden with guilt.

Leaving at 6:30am, I saw nurse lady. I didn't time myself again, but felt I struggled a bit this time. I had two stops - once because I stepped on a pin that went through the sole of my shoe, and another time due to traffic.

On my walk back, I was looking at the wall on my left, and then for some reason turned to my right to look across the street, and there was a girl out exercising, who was looking at me but turned her head when she saw me look. I remember I have seen her before do the same walk, but she was ahead of me that time. Hmmm.

After the run I had a nap again, before calling up to see how much I still owed on the car ($10,000!!), and calling my uni about the testamur. Apparently the lady who's handling it won't be back until 14th of this month, grrr.

Thinking about the debt for the car and my credit card debt, I owe about $15,000, so I really need to start getting sensible if I wanna make some serious progress. Factor in my need for a knee operation and you're looking at $22,000.

I got a group email from Ele, just some purportedly funny thing. I wonder if it's her way to tell people she's back from China. Oh well, who cares.

I washed my car, and then headed out to the city to check out a magic store. I thought it'd be a good idea to learn some simple card tricks to impress friends (read: girls), and bought this DVD and four card set for $40, and then realised I maybe should've started with youtube or something.

I bought some chips and returned home to watch Rockets vs Lakers. On my bus trip back, I was startled to find there was a mentally ill lady on the bus. She was saying some stuff, rocking back and forth on the chair, and even banging her head on the window. I thought she was by herself, but when the bus driver stopped to tell her she was being a danger, it turned out there were two carers there, and another mentally ill guy who kept saying "thank you".

The driver said he couldn't go on if she kept acting like that, and she started to bang her head more and harder against the window. The female carer took the male guy off the bus, and the male carer tried to get the girl off the bus but she wouldn't budge. Some guy behind me said "she has to get off" and made a move, but the driver said he couldn't touch her. When the male carer walked off the bus, the girl eventually followed. I felt so sorry for the carers, they were probably just volunteers, and they were embarassed for their plight.

The Rockets stayed in the game throughout and only lost in the last few minutes. If they hit their friggin' free throws it would've been much closer. I haven't been following the NBA lately, so I feared I may not have been very interested, but quite to the contrary, it motivated me to resume my own basketball career, but for this damn knee.

After that I went on the net, namely the online dating site. I added this white girl, who, it seemed only realised I was Asian after adding me. Upon realisation she suggested that her friend was a better match for me because, amongst other things, her friend was Asian.

What the??

I actually put that to her, and then indicated I added her, not her friend. She then deleted me.

I got a little depressed after that, because it was sad to realise that after all this time, all this talk about multi-culturalism, that the majority of people still saw race as a major barrier.

I felt the a black swan who had grown up with the white swans, thinking I was one of them, and it was only now, someone gave me a mirror to show how different I was from them.

I guess NTM and CLE were the exceptions.

My new sunnies

I was awoken by my alarm today at 6am and went back to bed, but somehow the guilt of not running made me get up, and strangely enough, I still managed to get out of the house by about 6:20am. I didn't time myself again. While I was walking around the house I felt a bit of pain in my right knee, and told myself to rest, but of course, I didn't, our of fear of being accused of bludging.

But once I started running, there was no discomfort whatsoever. It can be quite peaceful to go for a run, nothing wakes you up like it.

Returned home, had a shower, a bit of breakfast, and then slept again, lol. I woke up, bummed around on the net, and then decided to head out to the city. Reading The Game had made me want to try my confidence in starting a conversation with a stranger, namely a girl, and that scene in the museum was still in my recent memory so I decided to check out the museum.

I remember Kylie and Shady telling me it was $17, or maybe it was free. When I got there I saw a sign that said admission to the cafe and shop were free, which I took to mean that admission into the actual museum was not.

I couldn't be fucked paying for the museum, so decided to get something to eat at Market City, but then ended up walking towards the other end of the city in search of sunglasses, grabbing two sushi rolls on the way. I ended up at TGV, there was one of those little stalls that sells them at $40 for two pairs, or $25 for one.

I started checking them out, and there was a small Asian girl working. My intentions at that stage were to look for a suitable pair, not to chat her up. I found a pair which I thought was ok, so I bought it. While at the cash register, I thought "wait a minute, why don't you try your confidence here?" so I said to her that it was hard to find a pair that suited the face. She asked if I meant my face or her face. I looked at her, wondering which answer would be strategically best. I said my face, because it was round.

Two guys came over and started looking around the stuff at the cash register, which bothered me, probably because I didn't want to be perceived as hitting on her. She seemed to pick it up, as she looked at them, and then me, and smiled.

I grabbed the sunnies and went off on my jolly way.

I walked all the way to Market City, into the top level bathroom, just to put my new sunnies on and make sure they were ok in the mirror. They were, and I walked out wearing them. Things seemed a bit blurrier, but it was because I was indoors. I had a feeling I was going to trip over something. Luckily I didn't.

I went to a Chinese grocery store to get some of those 'Japanese biscuits', and then walked to the bus stop. While there, I was sitting on some ledge, texting my former client's sister because she texted me a few days ago. I caught a girl walking with her boyfriend do a double take as she saw me.

Hmmm...maybe these sunnies DO work.

I caught the bus home, and spent the rest of the day either on the net or reading The Game.

Shuing's return

On Saturday morning I went for a one mile jog, and I think I did it in eight minutes!

I picked up Malay from his place and then went to Thai's place. He still hadn't responded as to whether he was coming or not, so when Malay called him, he was still asleep but said he would come out in five minutes.

I think he is the only person I have met who has come out in five minutes when they have said 'five minutes'.

We drove to pick up Scope and then Brain, and went off to DFO. I turned the air-con on, but then when I got there I turned it off while looking for parking. That has absolutely no significance whatsoever, I don't know why I just said that.

We checked out a couple of stores before Brain and Thai said they wanted to eat since they hadn't had breakfast yet. So we went to the small foodcourt, and the rest of us were assigned to get a table. I was heading towards one, but then saw a lady with a pram get there the same time as I did, so I let her have it, and gave her a smile. She didn't even look at me and sat down. Wow, you wouldn't have that shit in Lismore.

We got a table closer to the toilets and sat and chatted while Brain and Thai ate their pies. After that we started like a two hour session by checking out some of the shops. The only other time I have been there was that time with Bobs, and I must admit, Bob had a lot more direction, he knew what he wanted and where to go, and he was willing to browse through every single shop to have a look.

These guys were a lot more indecisive. If I didn't stop the group to check out shops, we would've been in and out in half an hour, and they'd just basically skip all the shops and walk a bare lap. Boring.

Most of the shops Thai would just stand outside and wait for us, which made me feel guilty a bit. It seemed like he didn't want to be there, but I wondered why he came along. The only time he seemed to have a bit of fun was when we were in the sun glasses shop trying on different sunnies.

I really wasn't going to buy anything because I had nothing in mind, but thought I'd get something if a bargain turned up. At Industrie they were selling shirts at buy one get one free price, so I got a black low cut one (I know, gay, but this isn't that low) and a yellow one, for $25, so $12.50 each which was pretty good.

Scope to my surprise got two business shirts, and one was a really nice charcoal colour, and I had one exactly like it but different brands. Malay bought some cologne. Thai didn't buy anything, and Brain bought a belt from G-Star.

When we checked out the G-Star shop in the end, that was another time when Thai seemed to enjoy it. Everyone seemed to enjoy checking out the stuff except me. I looked around and saw some ok looking clothes, but in my opinion, there was no way in hell anything deserved the price tag attached to them. I can't understand why this brand is so appealing??? And why people pay such good money for it???

It was raining fairly heavily when we went back to my car, and Thai said he had to go home because he told his wife he would only be out for a while. Malay wanted to do something like watch a movie, but Scope had to work so we decided to catch a movie after he finished work.

I dropped everyone home, and then went home to watch Love Actually. It was a pretty good film, I couldn't believe the nudity in it because I wasn't expecting anything like it. Keira Knightley is sooooooo beautiful!! Far out. I found that Linney lady to be quite sexy too, felt sorry for her having to look after her brother, and also felt sorry for Emma Thompson who found out her husband was having an affair.

And I must admit, Hugh Grant is a pretty damn good looking bloke, I wish I could have his charms and charisma.

I had a bit of a nap and didn't feel too well. When I woke up I thought about cancelling the thing because I just didn't feel like it.

I went to pick up Malay, Thai said he couldn't come because his wife didn't like it (I was surprised at his honesty), then picked up Scope and Brain. We went to the shopping centre near me, and found out the movie actually started at 9:15pm and not 9:30pm like Malay had said. It was already 9:15pm when we got there, so I called G and he was still at home. Grrr.

They got my ticket while I went downstairs to the supermarket to get drinks, and when I returned Malay was waiting for me, and I gave him the drinks and got the ticket off him as I went in to look for Brain and Scope. I tried the upper section first, and felt a bit embarassed standing there in the dark trying to recognise their figures, and then found them in the lower section.

Just after I texted Malay him and G came in. G sat next to me and had KFC with him. He offered me some, and then offered it to the others. We had already missed the trailers, and there were people behind us, so I wasn't in the mood for talking, and I got a bit annoyed when he asked some questions when the movie started.

Around the second half of the time I started feeling really bad. My eyes were hurting and I felt like closing them, but it didn't help the pain. And then a headache set in, and then I felt like throwing up. I couldn't wait for the movie to finish. I'm sure it was a good movie, but I just wasn't in the mood for it.

I was so relieved when the movie finished and the credits started. The lights didn't come back on, but I ushered G out as I wanted to get out of there as soon as possible. I just wanted to get everyone home and go to sleep. We didn't even have much of a chat with G as we parted ways, and I dropped everyone home. I had told Malay earlier about my knee, and told him not to tell anyone, and I also told him about my upcoming return to Sydney.

I went to sleep as soon as I got home, a little relieved I didn't throw up.

Yesterday I didn't go for a jog, because my knee was hurting a bit and I thought it'd be good to have a bit of rest.

I went to get some bread and made spam and scrambled eggs for breakfast (yum) and picked up Malay at 10:15am to go pick up Shuing from the airport.

Pretty much as soon as I parked at the airport, Shuing called me saying he was at the arrivals terminal. What timing. We walked to where he was and found him quite easily, standing there with a trolley of two luggage cases and a backpack. He was pretty glad to see us and told us a story of how he had been scammed at Las Vegas at one of those games on the street where you had to pick one out of three cards.

After a bit of a chat we went to my car and went off to his place because he wanted a shower. Malay and I went to check out the factory outlet across the road. I bought this really really nice black Reebok basketball jersey, the material is soooooo smooth! It had a price tag of $25 which I thought was fair, but when Malay and I checked out another area, it had the same jerseys going to $35 and $40.

I decided to try my luck at the cashier, and when the guy checked the system there seemed to be a problem. He didn't know what to do, excused himself and went somewhere, and came back. I thought that if he said the proper price was $40, I'd get it anyway because it was so nice, but then he said it was $17.50!! Apparently the 30% discount was off the already marked price!! Wow!

Malay wanted to get a jacket and thought and thought about it, but in the end didn't get it. When we finished Shuing called and we met him back across the road.

He called G and we organised to meet up at Chinksford. Because G could only get there at 12:15pm, we went to Easyway and stood around on the streets talking about Shuing's trip to South America, NY and Canada.

He seemed to have a really good time but was glad to be back. He told us stories about his time with Michelle there, and how they tried to share a bed before he decided to sleep on the floor. If that was me, I wonder if anything would've happened?

Anyway, I was more interested in his attendance at a Chicago vs New York NBA game and what the people were like over there. He said Americans actually talked like they did in the movies, haha!

After a while G arrived and we went looking for a place to eat and ended up going to the blue place. We talked more about Shuing's trip, and about what each of us did for Christmas and New Year's, and then went to Macca's to get a coffee.

There was talk about Bob, and I told myself not to lower myself and bag him, but I ended up doing it anyway, telling them about how he thought he was as good as me just because he could benchpress one set of what I did three sets of.

Shuing and Malay talked about the fighting classes he and Bob did, and G had to leave to pick up his mom. After he left there was a bit of talk about how G still wasn't over Jenny, and then some teasing talk about matching him up with lemon, lol.

I drove them home afterwards, and Shuing suggested we meet up for lunch sometime during the week, which I might do.

Towards the end, there was some talk about the book The Game, Malay said he had bought it. So I thought I was in the mood for reading anyway, and went to the bookshop in the Bra to look for it. I was a little embarassed to buy it, but did it anyway.

It was a good purchase, because it seems like one of those books you can't put down. Some of the things seems pretty unbelievable, like walking up to a group and subsequently isolating and taking away your target girl. Some of the other things are more believable, like the cat string theory, which are more consistent with my experience. There seems to be so much good stuff in there I feel like highlighting and tabbing a lot of it, but then it'd end up a mess.

Today I went for a one mile jog, didn't time myself because I didn't feel like it. I did wear my new Reebok jersey though! Haha it feels so nice.

Other than that I really didn't do much, other than going out at around 1pm to get money for my mom at the Wick, going to the Bra for a pie with potato and gravy because I felt like it, eating it at home and then going to the shopping centre near me for a potato salad because the ulcer in my mouth was craving it, and then I spent the rest of the day on the net or reading The Game.