Modern vows?
Yesterday morning I woke up and immediately went to retrieve my car from the shopping centre. There were a few other cars that had parked there overnight, which gave me some sense of relief. I got even more relief when I saw my car safe and untouched, and quickly drove it home.
True to his word, Ben brought me some movies yesterday: American Beauty, Husbands & Wives, The King of Comedy, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, and When We Were Kings.
It was a lot, especially since I only had one week left, but I was determined to finish them as quick as possible.
Work yesterday was pretty boring, with the exception of email exchanges between Shuing and I about how Michelle had started using his credit card without his authorisation. He was pretty pissed off that she decided to charge $1,200 for accommodation without asking him, and so in total she now owes Malay $1,500 and Shuing a bit more than that.
I'm just trying to wonder how she could need that much money in the first place? Wasn't this whole trip planned? I reckon either she's gotten herself into trouble, or she's lending someone money.
But Shuing attributed all this to her selfishness, because apparently she just didn't want to live with her aunt and so decided to move out at his expense. But he was also angry about her using him like that, and Bob got off scott-free. To us, it was Bob who introduced Michelle into our group, and to Shuing, Bob had managed to ditch her (the problem) onto Shuing, thereby absolving himself of anything in the process.
Shuing forwarded me some emails that had occurred between him and Michelle, where she just apologised and he chastised her for being selfish and directing her to ask Bob for help.
After work I went to the supermarket to get some things, and bumped into Teesh. I was a bit surprised, and stopped to have a chat. I didn't know what to say, because I was totally caught off guard, and she had her son with her. We just remarked about picking random things off the shelves, and her son was grabbing at her playfully and being loud, and I kept looking at him awkwardly, wondering if I should say hi to him or wait for her to introduce him. In the end we just parted ways without really acknowledging it.
For some reason I felt like I was floating on a cloud for the rest of my shopping venture, forgetting to get my orange juice. Had I developed a crush on her? On someone who had a child??
I noticed she lined up after me at the cash register, I looked back at her a few times to try to nod, but she was busy getting things out of her trolley.
I went to get a sundae because I had seen an ad in the shopping centre, and it looked really yummy. It was Donut King, so I went there for it. The girl who served me was veeeeery attractive. I came off as a bit of a dork, saying I forgot my glasses but I wanted the yellow one. She said "the banana?" and I said yeah.
I ate it at the nearby tables and sat there wondering, if she was 16 or 17, why I was attracted to 16 or 17 year olds?
Upon returning home, I didn't talk to Kim that much because I wanted to get through a movie to make progress. I put some pasta in the oven and started watching American Beauty.
Kim annoyed me a bit by saying I shouldn't be putting ceramic plates in the oven (I know, but it's worked before) and then scooped it into a bowl but by then it was sufficiently heated to eat, so I just ate it.
The movie was pretty good, I thought Mena Suvari was HOT! Again, I was asking myself whether there was anything wrong in being attracted to a character who was in high school (although she was around 20 at the time of the movie). I had serious fears that I might one day end up in Kevin Spacey's position - no longer attracted to his wife, hated by his daughter, and forbiddenly attracted to a high school girl.
The other issue I had was, what the hell grievance did the wife have? She was upset enough to want to kill him?? What the hell did he do? Stand up for himself? She was the one who cheated on him.
It was also funny how the father next door thought his son was gay, haha, hilarious.
So yeah, it was a pretty good movie, I remember the hype that it had when it came out, but I just didn't see it? Maybe it's because I'm watching it like 10 years after the fact.
So yesterday and today I drove to work, mainly because I wanted to be close to my car in case any storms broke out, but it didn't. Seems like it only rains at night here.
Work was a bit better today, starting off my morning by finishing the editing for Karen's summary, and then really getting into the nitty gritty for Jude's thing. What really motivated me was picturing her coming back on Monday (she wasn't in today) and asking for it.
The guy who is replacing me was also announced today, some dude from Crown Sol's. I heard Brendan talking about it with Cox and Ben, and I must admit, my ego got the better of me and I got jealous a bit, as I heard Brendan say that Graham said the new guy was very bright, and the only reason he wasn't higher on the list was because he lacked experience. I also heard Ben say that he googled him and he was some prize winner at uni, so this guy was obviously smart.
I sat there picturing some extremely handsome, intelligent army guy who would be a lot more smoother and suave with the office than I am, and how everyone would like him better. In fact, they probably hated me already and wanted me to go. I was the flavour of last year. I was beginning to over-stay my welcome.
But then my logic started fighting back.
It's Graham's JOB to sell this new guy to Brendan, so of course he's going to say good things about him. Who cares if he's academically smart? You still ranked higher than him on the list, that's why they picked you first. And who cares if people are going to like him more than you? You're leaving anyway, it should be of complete irrelevance to you.
You're right.
And with that, I managed to concentrate on my work for the rest of the day. It helped that when Ben came over for a chat that he told me about the new guy. I found out that he wasn't in the army; the army guy had decided not to come so this was another guy. And Ben said that this guy looked like a dork, with braces, and made a cross-eyed gesture with his eyes. I am not sure if it was his intention, but he made me feel better and less insecure.
I finished work at 5pm, mainly because I was really into Jude's case, and also because I needed to bump up my hours to reduce my flex since I'm in the negative.
I came home and planned to share a pizza with Kim, but she said she was going to be a vegetarian this year, so I went off to get a pizza. While waiting I went to get some nectarines, and then went home with my pizza. I ate it while surfing the net, then Kim's friend came over (she's still here now), and then later I went into my room to watch Husbands & Wives.
It was a pretty insightful movie, and I guess it kinda sums up the point I've been trying to make with modern marriage.
It seems that people no longer really abide by their vows. Modern vows are more like "I will love you and stay with you until I find someone better, or when I feel like I can no longer put up with your annoying quirks".
And then you have these people who break up, then get back together. What the hell is that? Isn't that, in effect, just an excuse to sleep with someone else for a while?
I just think people give up too easily these days, especially in marriage, where traditionally giving up wasn't even an option.
Like I've said before, the problem we have these days is that we are presented with too many choices, options. If we didn't feel in the back of our minds that we had an alternative, an escape route, a plan B, then perhaps we might appreciate and be more grateful to what we have, instead of what we could have.
This sums up my position fairly well, from a book called Decoding Love:
In other news, Ele called me whilst I was watching the movie. I didn't pick up, and I don't intend to call back.
I feel like I've started to move on, and I don't want to get myself back into that whole thing. When I called her, I really needed someone to talk to, I felt really down and I was going to tell her about my knee, which is probably the most important thing to me right now.
But what did she do? Ignore my call and not call back. Not only that, but she didn't even ask me to pick her up from the airport as we had agreed, and she waits almost a perfect four weeks before calling me??
It's obvious she's not interested. It seems that she just wants to keep in touch with you so she can have a 'connection', a 'network', a 'source'. It may even be the case that you're on her 'maybes' list. But screw it. If a girl isn't willing to be with me when I'm down, then she sure as hell shouldn't expect me to be there when I'm up.
Like Eminem says, "how dare you try to take what you didn't help me to get?"
True to his word, Ben brought me some movies yesterday: American Beauty, Husbands & Wives, The King of Comedy, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, and When We Were Kings.
It was a lot, especially since I only had one week left, but I was determined to finish them as quick as possible.
Work yesterday was pretty boring, with the exception of email exchanges between Shuing and I about how Michelle had started using his credit card without his authorisation. He was pretty pissed off that she decided to charge $1,200 for accommodation without asking him, and so in total she now owes Malay $1,500 and Shuing a bit more than that.
I'm just trying to wonder how she could need that much money in the first place? Wasn't this whole trip planned? I reckon either she's gotten herself into trouble, or she's lending someone money.
But Shuing attributed all this to her selfishness, because apparently she just didn't want to live with her aunt and so decided to move out at his expense. But he was also angry about her using him like that, and Bob got off scott-free. To us, it was Bob who introduced Michelle into our group, and to Shuing, Bob had managed to ditch her (the problem) onto Shuing, thereby absolving himself of anything in the process.
Shuing forwarded me some emails that had occurred between him and Michelle, where she just apologised and he chastised her for being selfish and directing her to ask Bob for help.
After work I went to the supermarket to get some things, and bumped into Teesh. I was a bit surprised, and stopped to have a chat. I didn't know what to say, because I was totally caught off guard, and she had her son with her. We just remarked about picking random things off the shelves, and her son was grabbing at her playfully and being loud, and I kept looking at him awkwardly, wondering if I should say hi to him or wait for her to introduce him. In the end we just parted ways without really acknowledging it.
For some reason I felt like I was floating on a cloud for the rest of my shopping venture, forgetting to get my orange juice. Had I developed a crush on her? On someone who had a child??
I noticed she lined up after me at the cash register, I looked back at her a few times to try to nod, but she was busy getting things out of her trolley.
I went to get a sundae because I had seen an ad in the shopping centre, and it looked really yummy. It was Donut King, so I went there for it. The girl who served me was veeeeery attractive. I came off as a bit of a dork, saying I forgot my glasses but I wanted the yellow one. She said "the banana?" and I said yeah.
I ate it at the nearby tables and sat there wondering, if she was 16 or 17, why I was attracted to 16 or 17 year olds?
Upon returning home, I didn't talk to Kim that much because I wanted to get through a movie to make progress. I put some pasta in the oven and started watching American Beauty.
Kim annoyed me a bit by saying I shouldn't be putting ceramic plates in the oven (I know, but it's worked before) and then scooped it into a bowl but by then it was sufficiently heated to eat, so I just ate it.
The movie was pretty good, I thought Mena Suvari was HOT! Again, I was asking myself whether there was anything wrong in being attracted to a character who was in high school (although she was around 20 at the time of the movie). I had serious fears that I might one day end up in Kevin Spacey's position - no longer attracted to his wife, hated by his daughter, and forbiddenly attracted to a high school girl.
The other issue I had was, what the hell grievance did the wife have? She was upset enough to want to kill him?? What the hell did he do? Stand up for himself? She was the one who cheated on him.
It was also funny how the father next door thought his son was gay, haha, hilarious.
So yeah, it was a pretty good movie, I remember the hype that it had when it came out, but I just didn't see it? Maybe it's because I'm watching it like 10 years after the fact.
So yesterday and today I drove to work, mainly because I wanted to be close to my car in case any storms broke out, but it didn't. Seems like it only rains at night here.
Work was a bit better today, starting off my morning by finishing the editing for Karen's summary, and then really getting into the nitty gritty for Jude's thing. What really motivated me was picturing her coming back on Monday (she wasn't in today) and asking for it.
The guy who is replacing me was also announced today, some dude from Crown Sol's. I heard Brendan talking about it with Cox and Ben, and I must admit, my ego got the better of me and I got jealous a bit, as I heard Brendan say that Graham said the new guy was very bright, and the only reason he wasn't higher on the list was because he lacked experience. I also heard Ben say that he googled him and he was some prize winner at uni, so this guy was obviously smart.
I sat there picturing some extremely handsome, intelligent army guy who would be a lot more smoother and suave with the office than I am, and how everyone would like him better. In fact, they probably hated me already and wanted me to go. I was the flavour of last year. I was beginning to over-stay my welcome.
But then my logic started fighting back.
It's Graham's JOB to sell this new guy to Brendan, so of course he's going to say good things about him. Who cares if he's academically smart? You still ranked higher than him on the list, that's why they picked you first. And who cares if people are going to like him more than you? You're leaving anyway, it should be of complete irrelevance to you.
You're right.
And with that, I managed to concentrate on my work for the rest of the day. It helped that when Ben came over for a chat that he told me about the new guy. I found out that he wasn't in the army; the army guy had decided not to come so this was another guy. And Ben said that this guy looked like a dork, with braces, and made a cross-eyed gesture with his eyes. I am not sure if it was his intention, but he made me feel better and less insecure.
I finished work at 5pm, mainly because I was really into Jude's case, and also because I needed to bump up my hours to reduce my flex since I'm in the negative.
I came home and planned to share a pizza with Kim, but she said she was going to be a vegetarian this year, so I went off to get a pizza. While waiting I went to get some nectarines, and then went home with my pizza. I ate it while surfing the net, then Kim's friend came over (she's still here now), and then later I went into my room to watch Husbands & Wives.
It was a pretty insightful movie, and I guess it kinda sums up the point I've been trying to make with modern marriage.
It seems that people no longer really abide by their vows. Modern vows are more like "I will love you and stay with you until I find someone better, or when I feel like I can no longer put up with your annoying quirks".
And then you have these people who break up, then get back together. What the hell is that? Isn't that, in effect, just an excuse to sleep with someone else for a while?
I just think people give up too easily these days, especially in marriage, where traditionally giving up wasn't even an option.
Like I've said before, the problem we have these days is that we are presented with too many choices, options. If we didn't feel in the back of our minds that we had an alternative, an escape route, a plan B, then perhaps we might appreciate and be more grateful to what we have, instead of what we could have.
This sums up my position fairly well, from a book called Decoding Love:
Imagine a dating world where the opposite rules applied, where people were not given the freedom to opt into or out of a relationship, such as a culture that still practices arranged marriages. What researchers have found will seem pretty amazing to Westerners weaned on the romantic story line. According to a study by two Indian researchers, the levels of self-reported love in arranged marriages increased over time until they surpassed the level of self-reported love in marriages that were freely chosen. Incredible as it sounds, people with a very limited say in choosing their own spouses eventually became happier with their relationship than people with the freedom to choose anyone they wanted. Think of all the advantages that the unfettered couples have. They know each other's personalities and their tastes and whether or not there is any physical attraction, and so on. Despite all of that, the arranged marriages do better over the long haul. Why? I believe the secret has a lot to do with the discontent that is a by-product of a society predicated on choice. Cultures that use arranged marriages also frown on divorce, so a married couple knows that they are going to have to make things work. If the relationship sours, they face a lifetime of marital misery, and that offers a powerful incentive for making the best of things. To misquote JFK, it creates a mind-set where you ask not what your marriage can do for you but what you can do for your marriage. Western marriages place such a premium on personal fulfillment that the opposite mind-set prevails.
In other news, Ele called me whilst I was watching the movie. I didn't pick up, and I don't intend to call back.
I feel like I've started to move on, and I don't want to get myself back into that whole thing. When I called her, I really needed someone to talk to, I felt really down and I was going to tell her about my knee, which is probably the most important thing to me right now.
But what did she do? Ignore my call and not call back. Not only that, but she didn't even ask me to pick her up from the airport as we had agreed, and she waits almost a perfect four weeks before calling me??
It's obvious she's not interested. It seems that she just wants to keep in touch with you so she can have a 'connection', a 'network', a 'source'. It may even be the case that you're on her 'maybes' list. But screw it. If a girl isn't willing to be with me when I'm down, then she sure as hell shouldn't expect me to be there when I'm up.
Like Eminem says, "how dare you try to take what you didn't help me to get?"
posted by toey | 21:16
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