Shoyo: 9-1-3

Monday
On Monday after work, I was working on something when Nunjo asked if I wanted to join her and Chris for dinner. I had just gone out to the supermarket to get some cheese and bacon rolls to eat with soup, so I was quite full, but I told her I could come for a drink.

I didn't know they would go for a 'proper sit down' dinner (stupid me), and they ended up going to this duck place where you go upstairs from the main street in the city. It looked pretty fancy, and the menu was fairly pricey. I was now beginning to think it was improper to just have a lemonade. However, I only had $15 in my wallet, and dessert was more than that. FML.

Luckily, when the waitress came, Chris just ordered me a lemonade without even giving me a chance to confirm. So that was that.

We talked about work mainly, but also a bit about their weekend. Apparently on Friday night Chris got so drunk she ended up throwing up on the streets and locking herself into a bathroom at the train station. Such a silly girl.

They did offer me some of their food, but out of pride I turned it down, even though some of the duck looked really delicious.

At one stage, as Nunjo was reaching out trying to peel a piece of pancake off (she was terrible at that) I lifted her sleeve up as it was nearly touching some of the duck. Then later, there was a bit of tea spilled on the table and she reminded me not to put my arm there. I told her I have been with my mom long enough to notice these things. Then I forgot about it and nearly put my sleeve there and she lifted it up, haha!

Tuesday
It seems that my blood pressure levels come and go with each tidbit of SLO news released. Of course, I was just merely depressed when I found out I didn't get it and that Genie did. But when the permanents were announced, and I saw people who were nobodies, my blood pressure shot through the roof.

Give or take a couple of days and some soothing from Mary, and outletting to others in my group, my blood pressure started to return to normal.

Then today we found out that one of the things that was going to be announced in the cancelled branch meeting was that Stacey had gotten a temporary and would be coming to our branch!

STACEY!!!

IN OUR FUCKING BRANCH!!!

WHO THE FUCK IS STACEY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?

My blood pressure skyrocketed again, this time combined with a hopeless sense of depression. I was down, and out. And angry. Really fucking angry.

I was pissed man. Really pissed.

At the end of the night, Nunjo came to talk. She told me Moira did a matter for her last week but hasn't returned the file yet. I smirked and said it might be a good thing if Moira loses her file, as it'd get her on the radar. Almost as if she didn't have a come back, yet finding my sarcastic remark somewhat flirty, she turned around and said good night, walking out.

Wednesday
After work I went to the gym, and then caught the train out to bball. I adn't done this for a long time, and kinda missed it. I even enjoyed the walk from the station to the court.

I felt a bit more into it than last time, and put myself in the starting five instead of being humble and starting on the bench. I decided to try the 1-3-1 but it didn't work against this team because they were younger and quicker, so we had to break it off.

I seriously thought they were giving us a run for our money, until we managed to pull away in the last 10 minutes. I feel like I am still trying to get my legs back.

Thursday
I was now doing some late planning for my birthday tomorrow, and figured I could spend my lunch with Genie and Maria at the candy store. I texted both of them at the same time. Maria said she couldn't make it because she was busy with work. Interestingly enough, Genie said she had plans with Maria and Evisa.

So the lie from Maria was evident. If this was 5 years ago, I'd go crazy depressed, but I just mentally nodded like a wise old man and mentally moved on. Not only that, but I even acted out with her saying we could go another time. She suggested we go with Genie. Ok, I get the picture.

By late afternoon, I was thinking of gambling. I reasoned that it was my last day of being 29, and that I could win my $400 or so back. I had deliberately not taken my credit card, but now had plans to go home to get it after work. Simple. Alright. Decided.

But then I got a message on my phone. It was Jim.

THANK GOD FOR JIM!!! THANK GOOOOOOOODDDDDD!!!


He wanted to meet up of course, and I said yes, because I knew it'd save me from a night of losing $1,000.

We went to the food court at Market City and had some of the yummy yummy fast Chinese food. We just talked about basketball and work. I told him about my snub and he said his plan was to change jobs every two years anyway, so it was time for me to move on. I also told him about The Inbetweeners, and I think I managed to convince him to watch it, hehe. Good thing about this guy is he always offers to drive me home even though it's out of his way.

First day of being 30 a dud / Joanne

After last night, I decided to sleep in today and so went without the alarm. Despite that, my plan was to go into the office to get some work done, and then go see June.

I woke up at around 8am and left home at 9ish. I caught the bus because I didn't want to waste any time, and was so focussed on getting work done that by the time I had started digging into my matter in the office, I realised I hadn't had breakfast yet.

I went out to Breadtop to get something to eat, and then returned to the office. I had planned to see June at 1pm, since last time she said she started at 1pm, so I assumed that was her regular time. But work was taking longer than I had expected. It was getting to 1pm and I still hadn't finished. I was tempted to just leave it there for the time being, or consider coming back after I saw June, but I had momentum and felt like finishing it, so worked on till 1:40pm when I finally finished it and sent it off to the cop.

I called the shop and asked if June was working today. The voice sounded familiar, like the usual guy I always used to see in the Naby days. He paused, making me think that he didn't understand what I had said, then told me she was starting at 8pm.

8pm?!?!


I couldn't wait that long. I decided to go anyway to see who else was there. I briefly considered going to another shop closer by, but then reminded myself that their service isn't as good. What happened to the 'loyalty' to June, you say? Out the window I suppose. And I can always see her next week.

But because there was so much time, I didn't know what to do. I mean, I didn't really want to see their 'morning' line up, in case it was bad. I wanted to go at 3pm when their 3pm shifts arrived. I guess I could've stayed to do work, but while working earlier, I had been so looking forward to this, and now didn't want to disappoint myself.

So, I decided to just walk there instead of catching the bus. I actually enjoyed the walk, telling myself it was good exercise and it saved me a bus trip. I wouldn't be walking back though, no way.

Despite walking there, I still hadn't committed myself to the idea 100%. Part of me didn't want to part with the cash. Part of me wondered if I'd be seen by people from work. And that was when I realised the stupidity of walking there - Nunjo lived in the area and walking along the main street just exposed myself that much more. In fact, I actually saw Suzanne on my walk there, but guess she either didn't see me or pretended not to. I wasn't near the shop anyway.

The other slight problem I had was that I was too early. I was nearing the shop now and it was only 2:30pm. Damn my fast walking pace.

So I decided to take a detour, going around the block so I wasn't so visible in approaching the entrance to the shop. But I was still early, so I sat down on a bench and played with my phone. I looked for photos to delete and saw one of Erica. I did feel guilty, anticipating that she may actually become my girlfriend this coming Friday, but I swept away any mushy mushy thoughts by reasoning that she didn't even send me a happy birthday message, so she couldn't be that interested.

When 2:55pm rolled around, I made my way to the shop. Just as I had guessed, it was the regular guy from the Naby days. He gave me a smile as he let me in. He showed me to the first room on the left and I sat down. I was shown three girls. None of which I had seen before and none looked particularly appealing. This place is really going down the drains, I thought.

I was going to pick the one on my left, but when they walked out, I caught a glimpse of the side of the middle one and thought she had a cute face, so I picked her.

I was later asked to come out where she stood waiting for me. It was a good choice, I told myself, because she was really cute. She was the girl next door type, with really cute Jennifer Love-Hewitt type eyes. What's more, when we undressed and I got a better look at her body in the shower, she had a slim body with small perky breasts which I liked. I really like it when the girls stay away from breast implants.

She seemed a bit distant at first, but I think throughout the shower I got through to her a bit, by asking her about herself and showing I knew a few Korean words.

The standard service followed, which was only pre-empted by her not being able to find any condoms and having to go out to get some. When she returned, it seemed like she was in a rush to finish. I almost thought she must've been mistakenly thinking it was a half hour session instead of a full hour.

Her kisses on my back were short, and when I turned around, her going down on me with the ice and tea was short. When she got on top of me, I thought she was so sexy I nearly came there and then but told myself to hold it. She soon asked to switch and I got on top.

I started kissing her breasts but her moans seemed fake. I wanted to touch her down there but she said no. She also said not to use my teeth when I sucked on her nipples. I didn't think I did but whatever.

Then came time for penetration and...I found myself going soft. I kept sucking her breasts and she tried to put me inside her but it wouldn't work. I laid down and she started masturbating me with her hand until I was hard again and I got on top again. Then...I went soft again.

What the hell?!


I felt so embarrassed. I had no idea what the fuck was going on. Why was this happening to me? Did my clock really tick over that much when I turned 30?

She asked "hand job?" and I said yes, so I laid down and she finished me with her hand. As I sat there feeling like a total useless tool, I also felt old. I was 30, and she looked 23-24. It only made me feel worse when I asked her if she had a boyfriend, as if I was cracking onto her. I just felt...sad.

She wrapped a towel around herself and sat on the bed and smoked and talked. She said she has been here for a year. She said she didn't have a boyfriend. I said a lot of guys must want to be her boyfriend (that really made me feel old and sleazy) and she said she didn't feel it. She said she started smoking about four years ago and her parents don't know about it. She said she works three days a week and studies. She said she plans to stay for one more year. She said she always works Saturdays. I wondered if she knew Naby. I told her I used to come to this shop a long time ago, but didn't mention any names. She asked me what I did for work and I asked her to guess, which meant I never told her. She asked my age and I said 30 and that my birthday was yesterday, and she said happy birthday. She said she lives with some of the girls in the shop, and I didn't ask who, in case it was Amy/June.

Her buzzer rang at three different times, and on the third I went to get a shower. As hot as she was, I had pretty much decided not to see her again. Not only did I feel embarrassed about the whole erection thing, but I just got the feel that there'd be no way she'd be interested in me. From experience, it's always better to choose someone who likes you rather than someone you find hot. All of a sudden I wished I had spent my money on June, who would at least cuddle with me afterwards.

When I got changed I saw that her number was 63. I said I'd try to remember it.

I walked out of the shop and went around the back block again to avoid being seen near it. I went to this chicken shop that Dunnycan had showed me years ago. I intended to get a piece of chicken but ended up getting a chicken roll with gravy, which I ate as I walked back.

I can't believe I actually walked back to the city. That was a lot of walking all up. But after finishing the roll, I didn't feel satisfied. I felt a craving for fried chicken, so I went to KFC.

When I went in, I lined up behind this Aboriginal couple. They appeared to be a bit drunk, and were obviously on the rough side. There was one other line to my left but that appeared to take a bit of time. The couple in front of me kinda disgusted me and I wanted to walk off. Then the other line freed up and I was served.

A girl serving the couple brought their food to them, and the lady asked for her change. The girl said she already gave her the change, but the lady raised her voice and said she didn't. The girl who served me called the manager, and the manager just gave the couple their change.

I sat down to eat, and by now I was regretting it as the six wicked wings kinda looked disgusting. I'm sure the couple put me off. Anyway, a man who sat on the other side of the diner finished eating and went to the counter. It looked like the girl who served me was telling off the girl who served the couple. The guy said he saw the whole thing and that the girl had indeed already given the change. The girl who served me asked why he didn't say that earlier, and he said "hey I'm not going to get involved with people like that" and walked off. I wondered if he was a coward or if he was standing up.

Anyway, as I ate, I felt sad about myself. Maybe it had to do with the erection issue earlier, but I also felt a blanket of loneliness come over me. I wondered what I was doing - 30 and still single, seeing prostitutes, hoping for more. Why couldn't I just accept Erica and hope for a family?

As I walked back to the office, I saw a man playing with his toddler, which made me smile. I wished I was him.

The last gamble before 30

Losing $1000 really irked me. Well, I guess I didn't really lose a grand, more like $800, but I was now a grand out of pocket.

I thought about it, in the back of my mind, all night. I was prepared for an early morning session.

And that's exactly what I did. I woke up at 1am, hearing my mom once again interrogating my dad, which really peeved me off. Why can't she just let it go? Like in the past, I used that as an excuse to justify my gambling. Gambling, in that sense, allowed me out of the house.

I slept again and woke up at 6am, put on my suit and went to the casino. I withdrew $1000. This was going to be it. I've always wanted a big gamble to celebrate my birthday, and my 'dream plan' was actually to take $10,000 to the casino, so in a way, I guess this saves me $9,000 down the road.

My plan was to win back my $1000 and then some. Or, lose it all, but I figured I could cash in some of my annual leave to make up for it if that happened.

I found a table with a tall dealer, brown hair, who looked like he couldn't give a shit. Perfect. To my right was a guy, presumably Vietnamese, playing purple chips. I bought in $500 worth of yellow chips. On one of my first spins, I piled $200 worth of chips on my sectors, and...it landed on 7, which had a heap of chips on it!!!

To be concise, it had three straights and two splits, which gave me 139 chips. I asked for six blacks, getting 19 colour chips in return. I placed the $500 and $100 chips in my pocket and continued. Wow, I sure had a good start to getting my $1000 back.

I was later up by $700 before there was a dealer change. The previous dealer had a streak of my sector, but this dealer didn't, which sometimes hurt me. By now, an Asian lady had squeezed in between me and the Vietnamese guy. I fucking hate it when they do that. Later on she looked at me as if to check if I was annoyed.

I managed to stay in control for the whole of my session, being patient enough to figure out any patterns. I've come to realise that there really aren't any patterns, but the good thing about waiting out spins is that it avoids losses, and avoiding losses is a lot better than missing out wins, trust me.

The lady was slowly losing her money and eventually she lost it all and left. I was now back next to the Vietnamese guy, but he had lost a tonne as well. He was now pulling cash out of his pockets, that's never a good sign.

There was a dealer change again and now we had a fat lady. The Vietnamese guy lost and left, and I was by myself, which is the situation I didn't want. Some guy came over to bet my sector, which was good because he occupied the dealer which allowed me to sit out spins. But it went for three spins in a row that didn't land in my sector (I bet on one of them) and so he switched to the inverse and then...it landed on the sector he was previously betting on. He swore quite audibly, and I understood that feeling, and I could tell the dealer felt bad sweeping off all his chips.

I played a few more spins before cashing in the $300 worth of colour chips I had left. I went to the cashier and cashed in $1,100, and so with the secondary $500 in my wallet, I had made a $600 gain. I decided that a total of $400 loss for yesterday was good enough. I didn't really want to lose it all, so I cut my losses and left.

I drove to the office to change and put my money in the drawer, then went to get some petrol and came home, to find the whole family still asleep. It was like I had just returned from another life.

I told myself that this was pretty much it for gambling. It's my birthday on Friday and I don't want to be a gambler past 30, so this may have been the final one. Will I miss these crazy early morning adventures? Yes, I think so. But do I look forward to having money that I can say is actually mine? Yes, much more.

Blood Diamond / Losing $1000

Yesterday I woke up with the intent of watching Blood Diamond so I could return it to Genie, after having it for a few weeks now. I set my downloading of Finals Game 1 on the way and watched it in the lounge.

I thought it was a terrific movie, it nearly made me cry on a few occasions, firstly Solomon found out his son had been taken, and secondly when Leonardo was dying on the mountain top.

The movie really made me think and feel grateful for what I had. I wasn't in an environment where there would be random gunfire on the streets, I didn't have my family torn apart, and I wasn't working tirelessly mining for diamonds as a slave.

But I suppose that wasn't enough to stop me going to the casino after. I told my parents I was going to the office to get my clothes, and off I went in my suit. I withdrew $800 at the casino and walked around a bit trying to find one of the more common tables, trying to avoid the tables that have chips which look like it's made for kids. There was a table I especially wanted to avoid, as I overheard the dealer telling a gambler that the scoreboard wasn't all accurate, sometimes recording the result, sometimes not.

Funnily enough, that was the table I ended up on, mainly because no other tables had suitable space for me (I like to be in the middle so I can reach all over the table). I lost the first spin and was never up. In the end, I actually 'lost it'. Usually I keep my mind and am patient enough to wait for enough non-spins to hit. But this time, I started piling on chips everywhere, telling myself "why can't this be in my sector?"

I lost all $800. That distant, yet familiar feeling of feeling like shit had returned.

I was down, and convinced myself to go whoring to really cleanse out Friday night, even though it was now a bit past 3pm and I had to return the car by 4pm. I got there, withdrew $200 more on my credit card and $50 from my savings, as I wasn't sure if the price had gone up.

To my surprise, not much had changed, even the prices remained the same, although I noticed how if you come with three or more people, you each get $20 off. I was shown four girls, none of which really appealed to me. Strangely, there was a girl called Naby, which meant, I suppose, that my Naby was no longer working there.

I picked the girl second from my right, probably the most decent looking one. The one called Naby was short and looked a little too average. The other two looked like whores. The girl I picked was called June. At first, I said to the guy I wanted the girl second from the right. He thought I meant the right one and said "Naby?" I thought it was funny how I was going to see 'Naby' again, but then realised he had misunderstood my pointing.

I went to the bathroom and then came back to where I was, to find two guys there, so went to the first waiting room. Moments later the guy came to tell me she was ready. She led me up the stairs and into a room on the left on the first floor.

She went back out to get the towels then came back in. She wasn't very talkative, until I asked if her name was June. She said yes. I said "this is June now" and she smiled and said yes. I said my birthday was in June and she laughed.

We showered together, and there was a bit of a problem with the hot water but she managed to fix it eventually. She said she has been here for seven months and doesn't like it. She told me to lie down on the bed and she started massaging me a bit. Then she asked how old I was and I said to guess. She guessed 27, 28 and 30 and I said nope. She went lower until I told her 29.

I got the usual and expected service from her, however, I noticed she could do this thing with her tongue which made a rattlesnake sound as she licked all over my back, and she even seemed eager to lick between my legs.

She asked me to turn around, and she went down on me a bit before riding me. She probably did that for less than a minute before asking if I wanted to change. I gladly got on top and did my thing, trying to get her to moan which I eventually did.

When I finished, she laid next to me with my arm around her, and her leg across mine. I asked about her family, she said she has four sisters and one brother. She also said since coming here she has put on seven kilograms, lol. The rest of the time was pretty quiet as she just slept next to me, yet I wasn't too sure if she was really asleep because I could hear her swallowing her saliva from time to time (and so was I).

When the buzzer went, she hazily woke up and asked what I was going to do. I said eat, and she asked if it was with someone, and I said by myself. I think she said something about eating with her, and I took it as a joke. We showered together and then got changed. I noticed her badge number was 200. She asked me to see her again, and I joked "tomorrow?" and she seemed to take me seriously, so I said next week. I tried to joke that I might forget her number and get the wrong girl, but don't think she got it. She told me to call up the shop first and check if she was working.

When I put on my glasses, she looked into my eyes and shook her head, which I took to mean that she didn't like my look without glasses. I asked her if she wore glasses and she said yes, that she was wearing contacts right now.

She leaned forward for a kiss and I instinctively kissed her shoulder, then realised my mistake and we pecked on the lips. As I reached the bottom of the stairs, I stupidly said "see you next week". Grrrr.

I walked out of the shop, conscious of being seen, and hurried to my car. Now I had to make it back to my dad before 4pm. I called to say 4:30pm, but there was bloody traffic, and after some serious driving and nifty cutting, I made it home at 4:45pm.

A traumatic success?

On Friday I spent the first half of the day preparing for the judgment matter. I realised that this was the nature of court work - you could spend as long as you wanted to on a court matter, preparation is infinite, so as long as the matter is not done yet, you will use up the time beforehand to prepare for it.

I went over at 2pm and they continued on with another first, and so we started at 3pm. When the judge asked me how she should phrase a particular order, I knew I was in trouble. Or, we were both in trouble. I assumed she knew our laws very well, but this indicated otherwise.

Her judgment was long, and a little disappointing. I think she must've been busy with other things. I reckon if she had done judgment on the day the dude would've been hammered more. One more indication that she had been busy was the sentences she imposed - not only did she get it wrong, but she started it the day before for some reason, until her associate reminded her today was the 22nd.

I got up to make a few corrections and to correct the sentence, but midway through defence just said we could do it another time if there were any errors. And then everyone dispersed.

Hmmm.

I went back to the office, wondering what was happening with Ogre's birthday drinks seeing that it was now nearing 5pm. No one had sent me a message telling me which pub I should meet them in.

When I got back Clare asked me how I went, and apparently she thought I may have been in a bit of danger because of what I told her last time (about the guy's brother giving me the stare) since I wasn't back by 4:30pm.

I told them briefly about it, and then we all gathered around our corner to wait for everyone to head off. Genie came as well, which made it a bit awkward when trying to express our anger at being snubbed for the SLOs.

We went across the road to Mr B, and went upstairs. I bought Maria and Canda their drinks, and also some fried calamaries for the group, and was disappointed at not getting a seat near Maria. She was wedged in between Nunjo and Genie. I was completely opposite her, between Ogre and Moira.

I noticed Maria looked over at me a few times, but I felt guilty. Why? Because I had arranged to meet someone from Oasis later that night. It was a girl called Sassy, and from the messages and photos she had been sending me, it was pretty obvious it was going to be for sex.

Maria and Canda left first, because Maria had to finish her job application. Clare told me "see? I told you Canda was competitive!" and when I asked her what she meant, she said Canda had just 'joked' that she should push Maria down the stairs. Hmmm. Hmmmmmmm.

I moved next to Genie when Nunjo got up for a cigarette, and we talked a bit before Nunjo came back. I moved her jacket to make room for her to sit next to me, but she actually sat on the other side of the jacket, creating even more distance from me.

Fine then, fuck you bitch.

I stayed there for a bit longer before leaving when Genie and Nunjo stood up to leave. I parted at the lights to go back to the office to use the bathroom, and Nunjo asked if I wanted to check out where Chris was. I said no I had to go somewhere and went back to the office.

After that I had to get some condoms! I had never done this before in my life, but figured I could just get some chips to cover it up. When I got to the aisle, I didn't realise how big the box was. I thought it would be a slim box that could fit into my pocket, but nope. So I went to line up for the self serve, forgetting that there was a chance that I could be served by a cashier if they were free. That would be embarrassing.

Please don't be cashier. Please don't be cashier.

I edged towards the self serves, and almost ran towards one where the person was nearly finished.

Phew.


I then realised my next problem. The box was so big, it could not really be hidden either in my bag with the gatorade, or the bag with the two packs of chips. Shit.

So at the bus stop and on the bus (luckily I got a seat) I kept looking down at my bag to make sure the box wasn't facing outwards. Granted, this would be more embarrassing for a girl, but that didn't mean it wasn't embarrassing for guys either.

I managed to get home no problemo, dropped off the box in the car and put the food upstairs, then used the toilet before leaving.

In the car, I opened the box to check out one of the condoms. To my surprise, it was a bit slimey, I guess to make it easier to slide on. I then drove out to the city to get some desserts. It was a bit hard finding parking at first, but I eventually found it.

I went to Meet Fresh to get two desserts. The girl who served me had pretty eyes, but I noticed a ring on her finger.

I grabbed the desserts and drove off to Livvy. I wasn't too nervous, but I did know this could turn out to be a very dumb decision. Hot girl who wants sex at her house? I thought of a few possibilities:

1. I was going to get jumped by two guys as soon as I stepped into the door, and they'd take my wallet and force me to take out cash from my credit card;

2. She was going to record the whole thing and blackmail me;

3. She was someone who was very insecure and just plain horny and I had hit the jackpot.

Thinking with the smaller head, I adopted the third.

We had talked briefly on the phone that night just before I got the condoms, and she sounded really outgoing and nice. I did wonder, though, why she never sent a photo of her full face. Maybe she has a mouth like hannibal or something.

I had a bit of a problem finding her place, but eventually found it with her guidance on the phone.

I pressed her door bell and stood aside so she couldn't see me through the eye hole. She stood behind the door as she opened it, so I couldn't see her until I stepped in front of it.

The room was dark, and there she stood. She was probably about 170cm, and...fat. She was fat. I'm sorry, I don't want to come off as superficial, but...well I guess I am when it comes to appearance (and so are all the other hundred girls that have seen my photo on the dating site). I now knew why she never sent a photo of her full face - because it would've revealed she was fat. I could see how taking a photo of only her upper half of her face would hide the fatness, and was surprised by that, but at the same time I thought it was a bit misleading.

Anyway, we sat down on her couch and ate the dessert. We chatted a bit, making small talk, and she played the movie 100 Days of Summer. I went to the bathroom and noted how tidy her place was. It was small, enough for one person.

I came back out and we talked some more, then later I went to the toilet again. Damn the lemonade I had, I thought. This time I didn't close the door out of laziness.

She said, when I returned, that she noticed I didn't close the door. And I joked maybe it was deliberate. I asked if this was the couch where she took the photos and she said yes and started feeling my hand. This led to us kissing. It was a bit gross I suppose, we were tonguing each other like crazy, but I was horny at the same time.

She started rubbing me and then undid my pants. She rubbed me through my boxers went down on me. We then went into her room. Her room was really, really fucking cold. She took my pants off and said she liked my long socks and wanted to keep them on. I took my shirt off and she went down on me. She was one really horny girl. She went down on me hungrily, and then we went back out to the couch.

I was proud that I hadn't cum yet, but after a while I wondered if I ever would. She was good at what she was doing, but I gotta admit, her dirty talk wasn't doing much for me. It was a bit of a turn off. I felt her breasts and sucked on them a bit and after what seemed like 10 minutes, we went back into her room where she again went down on me. It began clear that we weren't going to have sex, but I was ok with that. I eventually finished in her mouth and she went to spit it out.

She came back and laid next to me as I held her. Her bed was really fucking cold, and that was all I could think about. She kissed me a few times but I didn't really feel like kissing back, and I think it showed, as I barely turned my face. I was very grossed out by my situation by now and just wanted to leave. I don't think one night stands are for me.

I made small talk, and then asked what the time was. She said 11:45pm. I acted shocked, and said I should go. I thought she might ask me to stay but she didn't. I got dressed and left. She asked me to message her when I got home and I said I would, and I was sincere about that.

However, about 10 minutes into my drive, I felt a bit hungry and thought a big meal at Macca's might help me wash the dirty feeling I had all over me. Seriously, I felt traumatised by the situation, and I'm not too sure if it was because she was fat, because of her dirty talk, or because it was my first one night stand. I would've felt better had I went whoring.

I drove into the next Macca's I saw and went in. Predictably, there were teenagers around and I just sat quietly down on a table with my Sydney Stack medium meal, gobbling it down like crazy. This was heaven, but I'm not sure I felt cleansed at all.

As the driving went on, I felt more and more sleepy. Maybe it was because I had all windows closed and the warm air conditioning on. I felt like I was having micro sleeps without even realising it, and kept picturing myself driving into oncoming traffic.

Finally, on Cleveland St, about 10 minutes from home, I stopped on the street outside a kebab shop and behind a Nissan Skyline to rest my eyes. I locked my doors and dozed off. When I woke up, I was in a confused state. My first thought was, fuck, I crashed my car and now I'm either dead or seriously injured. I thought my car was in the heap of smashed metal as there was a car in front of me I didn't recognise.

Then I realised I was still outside the kebab shop. Good. Relieved. I drove off, and noticed a car had parked between me and the Skyline. I don't remember parking far enough from the Skyline for another car to fit in between us, but whatever.

I went home, hurried out of my clothes and collapsed on my bed.

The rant to Nunjo

On Thursday I didn't end up going back to Newcastle. DS said to ask the pros up there to do it, and they agreed, so that was that. I guess I was disappointed I didn't get to go on another trip, but relieved I could just laze around the office.

I was preparing for the judgment the next day in the school teacher matter. At the end of the day, Nunjo came to my room. I asked how her meeting went with two people from the interview panel, as she wanted to get feedback.

She said they said she didn't sell herself enough, and that she was too under the radar. They said sometimes it was good to be on the radar. I told her that was fucked and how it was bullshit, and really let off a string of profanities. I think it shocked her but she didn't react, other than to let off a F-bomb herself.

It really upset me that this was how they assessed the fucking applicants. Apparently they have to 'pretend' they don't know you, so that you don't get an unfair advantage over externals. So let's look at the contradictions here:

1. They said you need to sell yourself in the interview, and boast a little, yet nowhere are either of those two things on the competencies to be assessed against;
2. They pretend they don't know you so that you are on level ground with externals, then how do you explain that 10/11 successful applicants were internal??
3. Although we are supposed to be assessed against our competencies, our ability to perform them cannot be demonstrated by years and years of experience in doing the same job. Wow, fuck nuts.

Although after work I had planned to go shopping a bit, I ended up just going to the gym.

Return to Shoyo: 8-1-3

I left home a bit late for Newcastle. Despite that, I still drove to Chinksford to get some breakfast first, lol.

The drive there was ok, I had to speed a little because I feared I was running late. In the end, I managed to get there right on time. But the damn thing was I had to do a mention for Clare as well and both the LC and DC started at 9:30am. I sat at the bar table waiting for my matter to come up, but the bloody AVL kept replacing punter after punter, and the mag kept doing whoever was on the AVL.

When I was finally able to get out of there, I found out that my DC sentence wouldn't be heard until 12pm. Grrr. I let the cop go to get something to eat while I just stayed and flicked through the material. Then when 12pm came, we were told 12:30pm, and then later 2pm.

I walked with the cop a bit then said I was going to get a Subway sandwich, and he went for a walk. I was kinda glad he let me be as I enjoyed a lamb sandwich while flicking through the business news on my phone. After that I found a bookstore and bought 'How I Caused the Credit Crunch' by Tetsuya Ishikawa.

When I returned to Court, I thought there was a good chance my matter wouldn't be reached at all, but it turned out that he did my matter first. So off I went, nervously reading off my description of the matter and then making some brief subs after the defence.

The judge adj to the next day but said I wasn't needed. Then I was freeeee!

I went to get some lollies and drove back to the office. I was speeding again, because I wanted to see if DS would let me drive back the next day, even though I knew I wasn't going to get back to the office by 5pm.

I ended up getting there by about 5:30pm, and saw Clare and Canda standing at the parabay talking. I pulled out the bag of lollies and proceeded to go to my room, as I wanted to change and Nick was picking me up soon.

Canda asked me to let her know when I was leaving, and I said now, and she said ok. Clare left, then I got changed, and I walked by Canda's room to say bye, and she was like "oh...are you leaving?" and I thought "FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!! I already told you!!!" and then she made this face as if to make me feel guilty for making her the last one to lock up.

Anyway, I left and went down where Nick was parked across the road. We drove to bball without much of a mention of Bo. Instead, I told him I was pissed off I didn't get the promotion. He told me he was now living back at his parent's place and that made it hard for him to meet girls.We stopped at a Macca's where I shouted him a meal because he didn't have any cash on him.

Even when we got to the stadium, I felt kinda...not ready for bball. I haven't played for, what, 4-5 weeks now? Damn.

When I was shooting around before the game, it felt foreign to me. We played a new team that had filled in for a team that dropped out, the Supersonics. I guess it was a good thing they weren't too good, because it allowed me some time to get back into the rhythm of things.

I got a break away lay up at one point, and missed it badly. I miscalculated the steps and took off too early, and the referee yelled "use the backboard!" lol. Damn I felt so out of it. I couldn't believe 4-5 weeks had done this to me. It was almost as if I had never played basketball before. I reckon when I was younger I could've taken that amount of time off no problemo, but now, being old is a different story.

Later I got an intercept and ran down the court. This time I made the lay up. Also, I made two fastbreaks where I dished it off for assists, so I was definitely getting my legs back, but I could tell I was much, much slower.

After the game, Nick pondered between going home or going to meet a girl for a drink. If it was the latter, he could afford to drive me home. I told him not to worry about it, but he picked the latter anyway, and so drove me home.

Softening the blow...

For the record, yesterday I could've gone to gamble, but made a conscious decision not to. I figured I was very lucky to walk away with that $300 last time, and I didn't want to lose it back. So, I left home without my credit card, and drove out to Paddy's to get some disgustingly cheap apples and avocados. Can you believe I bought four apples for 50 cents?!?!? WTF!??!?!?!

After that I went to the office, where I put down my apples and avocados and then printed off two job applications. I then drove to the quiet seaside area near the casino where I read them and rested my eyes a bit. One job I thought I could do, but the other there was no way. These salaries were well above six figures.

Today, I woke up kinda late, despite the alarm. I woke up at 3am so maybe that's why. Anyway, I left home at close to 8am and began my trek. I was not expecting to see her when I had left home so late.

I had to go to Coles to get some bread before going into the office, which added a few extra minutes to my trip. By the time I got to the office, it was 9:01am. I kinda felt bad that it was so 'late' and I was now just changing and making my breakfast, but part of me thought "eh, fuck it, if they're gonna stuff you around, you can do the same to them".

I was in the kitchen with Genie as I made my breakfast, and she asked if I had seen Prometheus as she had seen it. I asked her what she thought and then we heard DS say "hey! Hey you two! Ssshhhhh!" I was shocked, thinking we were talking too loudly for an important telephone call he was on. Then he walked towards us smiling, saying he hadn't seen the movie yet and so didn't want us to ruin it, lol.

Genie had made lunch for me today, I think as a gesture to 'alleviate' any tensions there might be from the whole SLO drama. We organised to eat together on level 7, and I thought about buying some wicked wings as entrees to contribute. But then I realised we had a CLE at lunch, and so organised to eat afterwards.

I managed to get out before the CLE to get us some Asian drinks from an Asian supermarket.

But after the CLE (saw Katie again, damn I am starting to want her again...) we were about to have lunch, then defence rang me about the meeting we had later and he wanted to do it at 2:30pm so that meant no lunch for me, as I headed over to the cops' to view some images.

I ate the lunch which was pretty delish, and thanked her for it. Then I spent the rest of the day feeling pissed off because this cop is making things really hard for me. FFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUU.

Late in the afternoon, I caught DS in the corridor, and he was like "I heard you're having fun today". Not really sure what he was referring to, unless he overheard me telling Moira I felt like punching the wall because of this cop. Anyway, he followed me into my room and closed the door.

I thought he was going to talk about a matter I had emailed him about. I mean, he started with "I spoke with Po Sho..." which would make sense, because I suppose it's a serious matter. But then he started telling me he was going to act me up to SLO for two weeks!!!

I thanked him as he mumbled on and then left. He said not to tell anyone, but I messaged Alanna straight away to tell her, and she was like "I TOLD YOU HE WOULD LOOK AFTER YOU!!!" I thought if Moira found out then she'd be pzzzzzzed, but she came to me later and asked if DS had spoken to me, and turns out she got it too.

Two weeks is not much, but I told her he probably did it to "soften the blow" to us. So even DS thinks we got fucking rorted. When I was chatting to Alanna earlier, she said "I've supervised both you and Genie, and I can say they made the wrong decision".

As I headed to the Bond St gym tonight, I thought "I'll just take this as a bad call in basketball. Sure, no bad call has ever cost me $20,000, but I'll just pretend I got rorted by a ref".

I am thinking of re-joining the team on Wednesday night. You know what's funny? I haven't really missed basketball at all. In fact, I haven't really felt an urge to play it much. Hmm...funny how something I've loved for 20 years can just die off like that. Maybe all I really wanted was to come first after all.

However, despite my knee now feeling better, my left shoulder still has that aching pain around the shoulder blade area, and it's been like that for two weeks, hence I haven't done any upper body work for ages. But do you think my team would believe me if I told them that now my shoulder was injured?

The SLO aftermath

Tuesday
I walked to work, leaving home later than usual, at 7:50am. This is about 30 minutes later than normal. To my surprise, I saw her on the path under the trees. I didn't have my glasses on, and just kept my eyes down. I felt glad that she still did the walk, but I pondered as to whether she was now deliberately leaving late to avoid me. I had convinced myself that she had.

I went into the office to get changed, then went to the S Court for RB's swearing in. I was just on time, and Rom messaged me saying she had saved me a seat. I thought that was really nice of her.

When we were watching the speeches, there was one given by like the head of baristas or something, and all the baristas stood up. Then someone else gave a speech and another group of people stood up. I wondered if these were all the sols. Rom later whispered to me "are we supposed to stand up?" and that was when I was pretty sure we were. Damnit. I felt like an idiot. It looked like some of the judges were looking at me but I dismissed it as me being inaccurate.

Afterwards I asked Rom if she wanted to go for a coffee. Then Libby came to speak to us and suggested coffee, and Rom said she wanted to say hello to DY, who seemed to walk right past us. Then Rom went back into the courtroom and asked the staff something and came out to say we should go into the formal morning tea.

Ok, this I wasn't feeling ready for.

We followed and found ourselves deep within the confines of the courtroom behind the scenes. Laid out were nice tables, finger sandwiches and glasses of water, as you'd expect at these sorts of things. I talked to Rom as I looked around seeing all these judges. She even introduced me to a S court judge who I had no idea of until she told me afterwards!

I kept wondering when someone else we knew would come speak to us, and after a while RB came over. I said "congratulations Richard" and he was like "thanks, I just have to go get a cup of tea" and walked off. I noticed he didn't (maybe he got caught by others) but I realised that I hadn't called him "judge" and given his peculiarity for strict rules, I had probably offended him.

Fuck!

Anyway, we stood around for a while, and even got a photo with RB later, before we left. Boy was I relieved to leave that room. I walked Rom to the shopping centre as she wanted to get a gift for a friend and then we parted and I went back to work.

Later in the day I told Nunjo about it, and the vibe I got from her was she didn't want to talk to me. It was pretty blatant. She had barely even turned around to me and just kept typing.

After work I went to the gym.

Wednesday
We had an LO meeting (the one which never went ahead because DS didn't show up to work on the day it was scheduled). I was curious to see what it was about. Amongst the jokes he cracked during the meeting, these were the points he made:
- do your BAs
- come see me if you need anything
- we have no friends and it's always our fault
- feel free to send cases back to the cops
- be open to movements (*hint hint*)

I thought the meeting was nice of DS to do, but I felt Moira kept trying to steal the spotlight at times. And Canda was just...SMH.

At lunch, we had the team lunch, but it was without Mary as she had training. We went to the pub next door. Nunjo was the last to arrive as she had to finish something off. Ogre sat in the deepest corner and I slid along the bench next to her, opposite Moira and Clare. When Nunjo arrived, I was surprised she took my side, but the distance was obvious - the gap between us was so large, I could put my suit jacket in between us without it touching either of us (which I did).

Bitch.

I went to the gym after work.

Thursday
Heading towards lunch time, I felt bored and asked Genie if she wanted to go out for lunch. I wanted to buy her lunch at KFC as she had shouted me last time. She said she brought her own but would go out for a walk. She asked if she should ask Maria, and I thought "damn, good idea" and I said I'd ask, so I sent her a message, and she said she already had plans with her cousin for lunch. I was like "ok maybe next time" and she sent a wink which I didn't bother replying to. Maybe I'm just getting too cynical about rejection, but I feel like as soon as I get a hint of it, I don't care anymore and don't want them to talk to me anymore.

Anyway, so we went out to the foodcourt under Myer. Genie spotted a candy store and I suggested we go check it out, and it was pretty awesome. I bought some Angry Birds candy and asked if they had the chocolate cigarettes. The lady said they didn't because they weren't allowed to import it, but they had chocolate pencils, which I bought.

I bought a burrito which I took back to the office, and Genie and I ate our lunch on level 7. We had a nice fun chat despite there being people around which meant confining our conversations to non-gossip.

Later in the afternoon, I got a call from Helen in HR. She asked me if I could go up to see her, and I said sure. I went to Alanna straight away to ask if she thought it was bad news, and she (honestly, to her credit) said it might be.

Not getting the promotion was something I could not fathom, so on the lift up, I was wondering if this was about me parking in the car park on the weekends when I came into work. I wondered which was worse.

When I found her, she was in her room eating her yoghurt. She asked me to close the door. She started with "I know you applied for..." and then I knew. She handed me the yellow envelope containing my assessment report. What she said in the next few moments didn't register, but I do recall her saying sorry, and I said not to be because she obviously had nothing to do with it.

I thought I could hold up a brave face but found myself pressing my lips up to hold my emotions back. I thought the longer she dragged this conversation out the worse it was going to be. I could tell she was uncomfortable with it. She finished and I left.

I felt dejected. I went back and messaged Alanna that I didn't get it. She came over and said not to worry, and said that a lot of people leave after these types of things and that I would get an acting one after.

I appreciated her kind words, but I didn't have the mindset to just return to work like that. Despite it being 2pm, I went out for a walk with a "I don't give a fuck if they fire me because I went for a walk" attitude.

I walked all the way to Darling Harbour and a bit beyond. I wanted to walk to the wharf near the casino to sit down, but it was a bit too far and I wanted to get back by 3pm for the afternoon tea Mary had organised for us. So I picked a water side spot closer around me and sat down. Despite just sitting there and doing nothing, it soothed me to just do...nothing and stare out at the water.

I sat there for about 10-15 minutes before getting up. I kept telling myself to sit there just a little bit longer, just a little bit longer.

I returned to work and Alanna sent me a message asking me if I was ok, and I said yes. I messaged Genie to tell her and she said "oh, I feel bad now". She had gotten a six month contract. Despite my initial reaction of "WTF?" I typed in some nice words congratulating her.

Mary and Clare came over and asked if I got it, and I said no. They told me Moira didn't get it either. I was very surprised about that, because as soon as Helen told me my result, I thought "ok, Moira got it, I lost to her".

Clare, Ogre, Moira and I marched into Mary's room for cake. It was a sour mood all around. But despite a few minutes of whinging, the topics quickly changed to other things. I was in no mood to participate.

After work I went home to get the car, and drove out to Livvy to meet with John and library guy for dinner. I was about half an hour late and saw them in John's office looking at gold fish (idiots, lol).

I knocked and they let me in, and we sat down for a chat as they finished off their beers. I found out library guy's wife was pregnant five months and I congratulated him. I was really happy for him, cause he's a nice guy and he deserves the life he's always wanted (unlike me).

John talked about the property market and how all the Chinese are bumping the prices up.

To my surprise, they both expressed envy at my 'stable' government job after I told them I didn't get the promotion I wanted.

We went across the road to the pub for dinner. I thought it would be a $10 pub meal, but this was like a Chinese restaurant and we ordered some 'nice' food which came to $50 each. Dayum.

Anyway, we talked about our lives, work and that. I asked them if they thought I should stay, John said my current place would look really good on my resume after 3-5 years so I should stay for that much longer. I felt a lot better about my situation after hearing him say that.

He also suggested going to Vietnam for a holiday in September/October this year. I was totally up for it since I was looking to use up some of my leave anyway. He of course talked about girls and I was curious so I asked about how it all worked. Library guy wouldn't be coming of course.

John also told us about how corrupt the mayor was, which was interesting. He told us about changes to the law which would affect his business. I was an idiot and looked at things from the government's business side of things, and said "that's fair enough" and he quickly said "shut up!" Oops.

It was nice to have dinner with them to catch up. I was lucky John didn't suggest any after dinner activities, as I wasn't too up for it.

I drove back to the city (feeling very good after the advice from John), and went to the casino. Maybe it was my gambling urge, but I told myself I needed to relax after such bad news. I needed to unwind.

It was pretty busy, with most of the roulette tables all packed. I found one where there was only one guy sitting down and another floater around. I sat down and bought in $400 chips. After winning the first spin, I decided to sit down to 'soothe' my sorrows despite my parking ticket lasting only till 10:30pm.

I told myself that if I lost, I would go to Naby's shop. Maybe if I won I'd go anyway.

The dealer was good, I felt like I was able to figure out how often the ball would land in my sector (gambling mistaken myth, I know). Even as I watched the ball spin, I thought "goddamn how is anyone supposed to predict that" and realised the complete flaw in my logic.

Despite that, I wasn't doing too badly. There was a dealer change - the new dealer was a tall guy with long sideburns I recognised. He was more talkative than the last dealer. I don't usually like talkative dealers, but he wasn't annoying. An Asian guy had sat to my left at the end of the table, and had started making conversation with the dealer.

He said he was an Orthopaedic. I wondered what the hell he was doing here if he had such a successful career, then realised the same could be said about me. Sad.

I was up $290 and was thinking of whether I should try to win $10 more to round it off. I lost the next spin, then won the one after which brought me to $300. That was enough. I sat there thinking this would pay for my transaction costs and a whoring session, but now that I had it in my hands, I couldn't bare to lose it, so whoring was out of the question.

I cashed in, and said to the dealer "I've been up before and lost it all back, so don't want a repeat". He held his thumb up and said that was smart. I said to quit while you were ahead, hoping the Orthopaedic guy would heed the advice, and the dealer said he completely agreed with me as he handed me my cash chips.

I went to the cashier to get my money and then went home, naively telling myself that this was a good temporary compensation for not getting the promotion (the promotion would add about $300 to my salary fortnightly).

Friday
I hadn't gone back to the office to change the night before, so I couldn't walk and took the bus in my suit. It felt weird to go to work like this.

Clare noticed it straight away when I said good morning, and I explained I went to dinner and couldn't be bothered changing. When I was on my way to the kitchen with my bread, she called me in to ask me a work related question. She didn't hint it, but I knew we were eventually going to talk about the promotion thing. It was the elephant in the room.

And we did. I closed the door and we both agreed that although Genie is my friend and a nice person, she wasn't exactly the most competent or experienced. I also found out from her that Alanna got a permo, and that Nunjo had come back yesterday, upset, and stormed out.

I told her I had two theories - the simple reason was that Genie had been here longer than Moira or I, but the more complex reason was that this was somehow something against Mary. Look at her team, no one got anything. Ogre's contract will run out in June, Moira got nada, Nunjo is upset, and I got snubbed. I wasn't taking a stab at Mary, but this sure was coincidental.

Mary arrived and joined in, and we all talked about it. Mary was really, really nice, saying I shouldn't feel disheartened or that I was a bad lawyer. I thought she did a great job at giving me reassurance. She said the same thing about Genie, although she's a nice person, she couldn't have won it on merit.

Moira then arrived and came in, and when Clare told her, Moira was contained, calm and cool, but I could tell she was boiling inside.

We talked for a while before we all left Clare's room.

I tried to get my work done, but it was hard. I just still could not get it out of my mind. I had concluded that I must've done something wrong - but what?

We had a team lunch that wasn't planned, and Fiona joined us, which I guess lessened the potential for bitching. I was surprised she told us that she had asked if she could move to our team. Wow.

I didn't want to be seen as part of this team anymore, so as we headed back, I said I needed to go to Coles to get a lip smacker. On my way back up the escalator I saw DS and we waved as he was going down.

Returning to my room, I started thinking about him. Was it unreasonable of me to think that he should come have a chat about the outcome, instead of pretending like nothing has happened? Now this was an elephant in the room. I asked Clare and she said it was reasonable. I don't think me getting social support from her is a good look in the long run. I must stop it.

Anyway, later in the afternoon DS did come to my room to talk about it. The whole conversation went like this:

Him: I assume you've heard about the SLO. Are you ok?

Well, actually I'm not. You kinda screwed me over with the whole helping Chris with her trial thing.


Me: Yeah.

Him: If you ever need to talk to someone about it, you can talk to me.

Me: Ok.

And that was it. He's not a woman, so I wasn't expecting something along the lines of what Mary said, but I was expecting something like "you know what, they really screwed up this time, but I hope you don't take it the wrong way". Just as simple as that.

If ignoring the topic was a 1 on the 1-10 scale, this conversation merely moved it up to 1.5.

At the end of the day, I went to Clare's room to say goodbye for the day and ended up talking about the whole thing again. Moira joined us and I closed the door. Found out that Chris got a permo, and that Nunjo had gotten something like "if the need arises". I figured if she had just gotten a renewal, then she had no right to be upset, but if this was true, then she had a right to be pizzzzzzzed.

To be honest, as much as I sometimes hate her, I think she got screwed way worse than me. She has been doing that job for at least three years, is the absolute model lawyer in the office (puts her head down, does her work) and this is how she gets repaid. Apparently she was crying, despite me earlier hearing her return from court and being relatively cheery.

I said something out of character, like "I'm not gay, but now I know what it feels like to be fucked up the ass". Clare said she'd never heard me talk like that before, and Moira laughed saying it reminded her of a movie scene.

Moira asked if DS gave me a glowing review, and I said yes, and I could see the resentment in her eyes. She said it was unfair that he gave me the task of helping Chris with her trial with the implicit promise that this would help my application, and not give it to anyone else. I thought "well, he did have to give it to someone".

The other thing I found out was that Sarah used to date Mayo. I'll admit he does look handsome in a boy-ish kinda way, but turns out he was a gambler and had touched up the trust money in his firm, and he also cheated on Sarah and used her money for gambling. I always just assumed Sarah was bad with her own money.

The topic of gambling was too close for me, so I left after we talked for about 30-45 minutes, saying I was going to become an alcoholic. I actually really did feel like going for a drink by myself, even though I hate alcohol and don't drink. I thought about going to the casino to watch as well.

Instead, I went to Dymocks and bought "The Rules of Wealth" by Richard Templar, then went to the gym, and went home to eat my satay beef rice which mom had bought for me as I started reading the book.

Prometheus / Phwoaaarrrrrr!!!

Waking up today, it was still raining from yesterday. I busied myself in the morning by taking apart the newest Seagate HD to use the PCB board for the older Seagate HD to transfer my movies off it. It's broken anyway, so I figured I might as well transfer it to the more readily working one. Also, I was downloading an NBA playoff game.

But in the back of my mind, I knew - I knew I was going to the casino. I didn't know how, because it was raining, but I knew. There was some boredom...and an itch. It was a public holiday after all.

I took a shower and finished off my downloading. I left the computer on to transfer some files, and then left home. It was raining down like hell. I had no idea how I'd get to the casino in this rain, all I knew was that I had to get to the bus stop. I stood downstairs for a few moments, telling myself it wasn't too late to change my mind. I could just go back upstairs to my warm, warm home.

I ran to the bus stop and waited for a bus. The M50 came and I jumped on. I got off at Central, went through the building and managed to get to a distance towards Market City by going under cover. I ran across the road and walked underneath shelters, and basically ran whenever there wasn't any coverings.

I went through Paddy's Markets, and basically ran through Darling Harbour, where I got pretty soaked. I thought, if this was a mission to go from cover to cover, I was doing an ok job. I actually felt like it was a mission. There was just this drive, this gambling drive that was pushing me to go and not stop.

Finally, I made it to the casino. I wondered about the possibility of them not letting me in because I was so wet, but of course, they just nodded as I walked by. I wonder if they know me. I wonder, as I approach, are they told in their ear piece that I'm the guy who comes to make small wins and leaves? The guy who's addicted?

I looked around for a table. I was surprised that the tables were so packed. I would've thought because of the rain, no one would bother to come out. But then again, I guess the rain is a good reason not to leave the confines of the casino.

I eventually found a table that just had an old man playing on it. The dealer was an Indian guy who seemed quite nice. Having withdrawn $700 earlier, I bought $400 worth of chips. I won my first spin, then started losing. Then I was up $130. I could've left...but I didn't. I kept playing - and started losing. At one stage, I was down to my $200 worth of chips, and it was not a good feeling to have to use $100 of that on the next spin.

Yes, I had $300 more cash in my wallet, but it just wasn't a good feeling. I began asking myself why the hell didn't I leave when I was up $130?!?! I started telling myself that I'd leave if I ever got back up. I'd had my thrills.

There was an unplanned dealer change, as the Indian dealer seemed to need to go to the toilet. He was back a few spins later. I got lucky and managed to slowly climb back up, and was now up $80.

By now, the table had gotten very populated. A Vietnamese guy had joined and was piling on chips like there was no tomorrow. He wasn't silly, he was betting sectors. He put maybe about $60 on one number alone. He was the big fish. I thought, if I lost my $700, I could get some consolation knowing I didn't lose as much as him. To his credit, he won big on a huge pile of chips on 23.

I decided it was time to cash out and let the others play. I wanted to enjoy that nice feeling of walking around feeling 'safe'. I also had a realisation during my playing time - for the first time, I saw the two chips I placed on the split, not as two chips, but as $10. Damn, I was placing $10 per split. That's, like my lunch money for the week.

So I cashed out, and walked around with my chips for a bit. If there was a table open, I reckon I would've continued playing. But, they were all full, so I was left to walk to the cashier, where I cashed in.

I took a bit of a walk around and finally left.

Now, my next question: how the hell was I going to make it to Broadway in this rain? Since I had already gambled, I no longer had that 'urge' to push me. I had no motivation to run really, to try to beat this rain. But I went anyway. I wanted to see Prometheus.

I couldn't really figure out the quickest way to Broadway, and actually ended up getting lost. I ran most of the way, but after realising I was lost, I just walked. God I'm dumb. As I walked, getting drenched in the rain, I thought only a dumbass would go out without his umbrella.

As I semi-ran and walked, I thought about Aron Ralston. I had read his book earlier in the morning (really close to finishing now) and thought about how easy this was compared to what he went through, and so I used that as motivation. I wondered if I would survive anything like that, and told myself if I wanted any chance to do so, then I'd need to run through this damn rain.

I finally got to Broadway, but all soaked. I felt like a hobo. I went to check the cinema times. It was now 15:20 and there was a 3D session starting at 15:50. I didn't really want 3D, but I didn't want to wait longer than I had to.

I went to Target to get some Poppycocks, and then went to the cinema to get my ticket. I also bought a medium popcorn and Sprite.

Oh, and Erica had messaged me via the app. Hmmm. Could I be wrong on her non-interest? Or was she trying to prove any insecurity she had?

The cinema was pretty empty when I got in, but as the starting time grew nearer, it started filling up. Maybe it was even full. A fat guy sat to my right, and I moved my drink from that side so I didn't have to touch his leg everytime I reached for it. The guy to my left seemed to be really scared of some scenes.

I had to go to the toilet at around the scene where the black guy suggests having sex with Theron. I was thinking of gunning through the whole movie, but didn't think I'd make it. It just got so uncomfortable I couldn't even focus on the movie. I thought everyone would hate me for getting up and shuffling through their legs, but no one said a word as I ushered myself out. The leak felt sooooo good!

I was free to drink as much Sprite as I wanted once I returned to my seat, hehe.

But I was now shivering due to sitting there in my cold, wet clothes.

The movie was ok, I thought it raised more questions than answers, which was disappointing because I went for answers. I felt the move really kinda finished in the middle of something - either badly planned or a poor effort to make us pay for a sequel.

After the movie I was once again confronted with the challenge of running through the rain. There was more shelter than I thought, but I still did a considerable amount of running. As I ran through the rain, I thought "phwooaaaaarrrrr!!!" as I challenged myself. I pictured myself to be a soldier running through a hazard, and that was enough motivation.

I made it to the bus stop, and luckily when I got off, there wasn't any rain.

The big XX

Wednesday
I started the morning in Waverley for court. This time I was a little bit smarter, walking to the office and catching a train there so I didn't have to use my own expense in getting there. I wore my new three piece suit. As I was standing near my internal window getting ready, Nunjo walked into her room, looking at me. I looked back and kinda thought "what are you looking at?"

Court was alright, despite me being just on time, both the cop and the other side were already there. When I finished, I left and went to the dollar shop to get some lollies back for the office.

Later during the day, I noticed Julianne returned my travel money rather quickly. I wondered if it had anything to do with me putting out lollies.

After work, Nunjo came to my room for a chat. She told me her balcony had flooded and how she cried to her dad because she was having troubles with getting the real estate agent to organise fixing it. I was wondering why she was telling me. I thought about being sympathetic, but instead, I told her about my visit to the dentist, which raised the topic of her teeth and I asked if her dentist had said anything about her smoking, and she started walking away and I said "I'm not making this very appealing for you am I?" but I thought "sucked in". I kept telling myself if she had even an ounce of interest in me then she'd come to my birthday dinner, and I also thought about the Powell thing.

Thursday
The 'big' day had arrived - the case of the school teacher. I was surprised this was going ahead without any delays. Hell, even in the morning I was half expecting a call from the other side saying they wanted an adj.

I rocked up to court and we started before I even really had time to settle my mind. Further, my xx started before I even felt fully ready. He told me he'd call the psychs first, but HH wanted to hear from his client first, and so off we went. His XN went till after morning tea, and that's when I started and went up to lunch.

Despite having written down some areas for XX, his answer to one of my first questions shocked me. I asked if he had an interest in boys, and he said no. Part of me wondered where to go from there because I had expected him to say yes. But then my instincts kinda took over - I started asking him about a chronology of events and just poked here and there.

I was most proud of my demeanor - I took the Stali attitude by speaking slowly, breathing visibly after some answers (which gave the effect that whatever answer he gave meant he was guilty as fuck). To be honest, I was a bit reluctant to have Moira watch me, and I wasn't sure what her intentions were either. She claimed she wanted to see how my charge was dealt with, yet didn't come back after lunch. I was very relieved to see Clare watching as well. I just felt like she would side with me if anything went wrong, whereas I wasn't so sure about Moira.

But, as we broke for lunch, I was surprised to get some support from Moira. She said I was doing well in XX, and turns out when I went back to the office at the end of the day, she had told Mary I had "put the boot in".

As I walked out of that courtroom for lunch, I held the door open for the guy's brother, and he pushed it hard against the wall as he gave me a stare. Geez, I'm just doing my job, fucker. And how could you possibly defend what your brother had done?

I was too upbeat to have a proper lunch in the office, so just made some cup-a-soup, and even that I didn't finish. However, when I went back to court, I was almost a different person. I ended my XX and when we were doing the psych, I thought I shouldn't ask any questions but did anyway, and it backfired as HH said "I don't think that assists me" and I said sorry and sat down. In hindsight I shouldn't have apologised.

When the whole thing finished at the end of the day, I was exhausted yet excited. I was too tired to go to the gym, yet I was too restless to just go home. Genie and I went to check out toothbrushes and then I went to check out Myer before going home.

Lazy Friday

Still exhausted from the day before (I don't know how people do trials if this is what it feels like after one day) I basically did nothing all day, and feeling bad about it since I off-loaded my two other matters to Genie and Clare.

I could tell Clare was a bit stressed about it, but I didn't think that one was really my fault. I had given it to Nunjo two weeks ago and with two days to go she gave it to Clare. Kudos to Clare for willing to do it and picking it up so fast.

During lunch I went to get her some chocolates to thank her. I ended up watching her a bit in court after lunch as we had the same cop and I wanted to see some images with her. I thought Clare did alright, but it was obvious she still wasn't all too familiar with the general 'unwritten rules' of the Court.

By the time that had finished, I went back to my room to find all this stuff had been returned by Genie in my other matter. I basically didn't do anything else for the rest of the day. I had organised 'lemonade' with Christina and Nunjo, and they invited Canda along, so we went across the road after work. But it was only a short one as Christina had to go somewhere at 6.

If you needed anything to confirm that she had no interest in you, you got it then - when I asked her a question about a story she was telling, she acted really distant in giving me the answer, almost as if I was an outsider and she was telling the story to the other two.

Anyway, maybe because of that, I was half glad when we finished. Jim had texted me, and I texted back saying I was in the city, so we met up for a coffee. It was good to see him after a prolonged absence, and as we talked over coffee about our team and the NBA, I realised we got along so well because our conversations would flow, where we'd take turns talking AND listening to each other.

Anyway, he had a bbq to go to, which he invited me to, but I said no. I often wondered about him doing that - it's not the first time he's invited me to his friend's events. As nice of a gesture that is, I do feel that it's kinda like crashing a party.

After we parted, I went to the casino to have a watch. I had my credit card with me, yet I didn't really feel like playing. I first watched a lady playing, who was piling chips over about 30 numbers. I told myself she'd lose eventually, and when she did, it was painful to watch, but I was glad I was right.

I walked off to watch another table, and saw a man playing almost the same way. He reminded me a bit of Roy. If Roy was 30 years older, that's what he'd look like. Anyway, he was 'winning' often, but by my calculations, he was putting about $700 per bet just to make about $200 profit. Hmmm, not very smart. And when he did lose, and have alllllll his chips brushed away, people would feel the pain and awkwardly look at each other, not wanting to be caught watching something akin to a car accident.

The other thing I noticed, was that for about the last eight spins I had watched, none of it had landed in my sector. You know my theory is that it can't possibly go eight spins (thus why I always take $800 with me) without landing in my sector, right? Well, hmmm.

I stood there watching the longest. I noticed a few people brushed behind me as they walked by. So much so that I went to an isolated area to google why people do it. The only reason that came up was people pick pocketing you, but my wallet was safe. There was also a Nigerian looking man, sharply dressed, standing there watching. I imagined him to be a criminal, perhaps linked to one of the cases I had, and imagined cops watching him and seeing me. Pffff, I was just watching anyway.

Also as I was watching, I realised the wonders of this business. Ok, yeah, I don't know their expenses, but as I watched this table, I thought, damn, imagine having a business which just 'automatically' makes x dollars per spin. Goddamn. I was glad I had shares in this place. Too bad they don't pay much in dividends. But it was a good feeling to feel like an 'owner'.

After that I bought some KFC and ate it in the office, then got changed and went home.

Saturday
A late start to the day, but nonetheless I walked to the office, got some work done (typing up Thursday's notes) and then walked back home.

Today
I woke up feeling a headache. I really don't know why because I went to sleep at around 10pm-ish last night. Anyway, it was enough to convince me to have a nap, which I did. I drove out to the office at around noon. It was a decision I made in the shower. Before that, I had convinced myself to go watch a movie and maybe even gamble. Somehow the refreshing shower cleared my mind and made it sensible.

I tidied up a few things in the office and settled some facts, then left at about 3pm. When I initially parked in the car park, some guy came and had a chat to me about him working there today and tomorrow. I showed him my ID card and he was like "yeah don't worry I know you're from the office". I wondered if he said that because he has seen me around before or if it was because I parked in my office's spot.

Anyway, it had started raining when I left, so drove home in the rain. My headache had gotten worse. It didn't help that Boston had just lost Game 7 to Miami. My headache was so bad I couldn't believe I actually managed to settle the facts and wondered what errors I had overlooked.

After coming home, the first thing I did was go back to bed. It's now a lot better, but I wonder what brought it on - was it caffeine withdrawal from the coffee drink I had with Jim on Friday? If so, then I must be really weak with caffeine nowadays.

Alanna v 2.0 / dentist

On Tuesday I decided to premiere my new suit. Actually, I just wore the pants and vest. OMG I LOVE IT!!!

The 'disappointing' thing was basically half the floor was away sick, so there was no one to notice. Mary and Clare both called in sick. DS and Alex were also sick. So it was a bit of a quiet day. I almost felt like high school where the teacher doesn't show up to class.

Whilst I was in the toilet, Alanna had messaged me. When I returned to my room, I saw she had - again - followed up her initial message with messages asking me why I was ignoring her. I have now noticed two things about this 'new' Alanna, aka Alanna 2.0:

- she has this paranoia fear of being ignored. Perhaps she is used to being the blonde who always gets the male attention. Or perhaps she is used to having me as her subordinate and always answering to her.
- she has no friends on this level, and I am, by default, her best friend. I was probably inconsiderate to not have realised this until now. In busy mingling with my new group (ala Mary, Clare etc) I have forgotten about Alanna's need for social support. Or perhaps I decided that she was social enough to make new friends.

She also seems to hate Jacqueline, lol. At first it was funny, but now she is sending somewhat mean messages to me about Jacqueline's loud talking in the kitchen. While I was in the kitchen with Jacqueline, Alanna walked in and gave me a 'look' without greeting Jacqueline. She walked out first, and as I was walking to Genie's room, I looked at Alanna and she was slowly retreating back to her room, giving me a 'slow motion look' about Jacqueline, lol.

During lunch, I went for a jog again. My knee felt a bit weak, but I am glad I am out and running. This usually is a good sign that I am near my return to bball, although I know I haven't shot a ball in ages. It is really freakin' cold too.

After work I went to the dentist. It was raining really heavily, and I did not want to get my new suit wet for it's first wear, so I put on my black suit jacket. If you studied me closely you'd notice the difference between the black and charcoal, but otherwise you'd think it was a matching suit.

Anyway, I managed to find the place with minimum drenching. I must've looked like a bit of a douche as I couldn't push the door open, thinking it was locked but it was actually open. I went in, sat down, filled in some of the forms. I felt really guilty having to admit that it'd been at least 15 years since I'd visited the dentist. Damn.

The receptionists surprised me because from the phone she sounded Indian and old, but they were actually two Korean ladies. How could I be so off.

I fantasised about the dentist being a totally hot chick, but looking up at the name plate, it was a guy for sure.

However, when I walked into the room, there was an absolutely drop dead cutie who asked me to take my jacket off. I assumed she was an assistant or something, but turns out she's like a level below the dentist and must do the preparatory work to set things up for the dentist, like cleaning my teeth.

She cleaned my teeth, and gave me a low down on the status of my teeth. I was interested in the health of my teeth, but at the same time I couldn't help but lose all senses of reality as I looked into her eyes. I think she had fake lashes, but goddamn she was cute. I did manage to crack a few 'dark humour' jokes which made her laugh. She was asking me about my work and that, but I just assumed she asked these types of standard questions to all patients.

I may have come off as a bit of a wuss, as I asked her three times whether the treatment would hurt, lol.

When the dentist came, she disappeared, and he inspected my teeth and gave me another briefing on what I needed.

When I went out to the receptionist, this was when the selling began. Instead of asking whether I'd be interested to come back, she just assumed I was and asked when I wanted to come back. Given that there's some major work involved (like digging back deep into my root canal which I had work on back when I was a kid) I would've liked some time to think about it. Instead, I booked myself for two minor things in August, saying I was going away in July (bahaahhahahah).

I walked out of there and back to the office, wondering why I was in this conflicting situation: beautiful girl, painful treatment.

Tired of it...

On Saturday night I was thinking of messaging Erica. However, in the back of my mind, I knew I was going to gamble the next day, and just in case anything worked out with her, I didn't want to, according to myself, gamble and have her at the same time. So, I delayed her for a day and chose gambling (and you know the rest, as stated in previous post).

So last night after a financially safe trip from the casino, I messaged her on the app - "hey hey :)" at 22:30.

I kept checking the app from then on until I slept, and nothing. It showed she was last on at 22:25.

I was pretty sure she had received the message and decided not to reply. You can do so by going online, waiting for the message to be received, then going offline and reading the message, and the app won't record you as having been online.

For some reason I woke up at 1am and couldn't sleep until 3am. It was probably because I took a nap in the afternoon. But this was the second day in a row and it got real annoying as I had work the next day.

Waking up, I checked the app and still no new message. To down my mood even more, there was no sign of walking chick. Had I scared her away by wearing glasses?

When I got to the office, I ran for the lift and the really skinny girl Evelyn was in it. She looked like she said hi or something but I had my music on, and then I paused it. She asked "I take it you played basketball?" I told her I walk to work. That was the first time I'd spoken to her. I know she's married. Funny how taken people are so much more open than singles.

By the time I got into my office, I checked my phone again and still no message. She was definitely ignoring me. In the past she would've replied in the morning.

Oh well, guess another one bites the dust.

At gym tonight, as I rested between sets, I thought about how years ago, this would've made me depressed enough to not like another girl for the next two years. Now, I was getting used to rejection. Not de-sensitised like Keen, but getting used to it. I wondered where the balance laid.

It really made me sad. I don't know what it is about me. However, part of me feels kinda glad. I wasn't 100% interested in her, and now I'm thinking I may be better off, to spend my money and time on myself rather than someone of her calibre (she was probably 5/10).

I'm also tired of this 'game', where I go meet them, pay for dinner, and then have them deal awkwardly with having to reject me. Some outright ignore me (Jessica), some pretend to act nice (Erica). But the truth is, look at their actions - it speaks louder than words.

Erica did message me after work, but it was just "i slept early last night lol".

I mean, what the hell is that? There's not even a question or asking me how I am. So I didn't reply. I don't need any more confirmation of rejection. If she was interested, she would've replied sooner. Can a man get rejected and keep his pride? I've already decided to keep what is left by not replying.

Again, just getting tired of it...

Win $190

Yesterday my plan was to get a jog in the morning, but it was raining. I ended up driving into the office to get some work done. I saw Ogre in there as well.

I got to the office at about 11am, then went to get my pants altered. The lady was like "this won't be ready until Monday 4pm", as if that was a lengthy delay. I thought it was pretty quick and smiled and said that was ok. I was imagining already wearing the new charcoal Uber suit on Tuesday...mmmmmmmmm.

Anyway, managed to catch up on some work as well as reading up on that urgent matter allocated to me. I actually had thoughts of completing it, but the cops won't get me everything for a few weeks anyway.

Ogre left before me, and I left at 3pm. I drove back home and then stayed at home the rest of the day.

Today, I woke up at 6:40am and wanted to go to the casino, but my dad said he needed the car at 8am, so that was the end of that. I went back to sleep and woke up at 9am, then left home with my credit card. I caught the bus out to the city, withdrew $800 and went to the casino.

It was a strange feeling. My 'undesire' to lose my own money made me not want to go, yet I somehow felt 'obligated'. It was very strange indeed. I told myself I just wanted to win $100 to help with paying for the laptop.

When I got there, I noticed they had removed some of the new roulette tables and replaced them with automated computer ones. So much for James Packer's "casinos create jobs" argument.

There were four $5 tables open. Two were fully packed, the other two not fully packed but still occupied. I decided to be patient and wait for a spot to open. One did - I waited for an old lady to finish placing a bet before I took her spot and sat down. I realised I had sat down next to a Korean girl. She spoke with a heavy Korean accent.

Hmmm...Korean girl at casino at 11am...can you say WL?

She didn't seem to know the casino rules very well either, or the 'proper way' of playing roulette. Anyway, I played and won $130 after the first few spins. I sat out a few spins, there was a change of dealer, and I went back down to $100. I decided to go on and ended up winning $190 and decided that was enough. I did consider trying to win another $10 just to make it to $200, but experience has taught me how that can backfire very very badly.

I felt glad as I cashed in, and took a walk around the casino, checking out the food. The Korean girl seems to have lost all her money and left. She did try to cash out, but only wanted to partially do it, but you have to do it all at once so she kept playing and lost.

I left and then went on a search to buy a belt. It has been long time waiting, but I kept putting it off. I ended up at Market City where I bought one for $30, then I went to Woolies to get something to eat, then to Coles where I bought some cookie dough, Pringles and chocolate milk, then went to Paddy's to get some apples and avocados for the week.

I took a nap earlier, and now my legs feel like they've just done a marathon. Strange. I went jogging last week, and already they have reverted to non-athletic status after walking around the city?

Erica

On Friday I walked to work. I haven't seen that girl for a whole week. Admittedly, I have been late, and one day it rained. But it was kinda disappointing.

I was pretty productive in the office, then at 2pm I went to court for Melissa's matter to take judgment. Surprisingly, the guy turned up and the matter proceeded. According to leaked information (aka Alanna), this week would be the week that the promotions were announced, and because it hadn't happened so far, today was the day. It also accorded with my theory that it would be done on Fridays.

So I was rather eager to get back to my office, and thought I could as this judgment would only take about half an hour. But then the judge actually read out every single word on the SOF which took like 90 minutes. Not just that, because he was also reading the logs, it was funny to hear him say "I want to look at your boobs, hehe" and I was biting my lip trying not to laugh, lol.

Everything went ok, I was desperately trying to figure out the sentence as he read them out, and they made sense, but I did forget to say he needed to place an amount, but that was quickly fixed via the associate afterwards.

I went back to the office, expecting everyone to be excited because the calls were going around. But...nothing. Hmmm.

I didn't even try to work as it was already close to 4:30pm. Chris had sent an email to me, Nunjo, Panda and Alanna inviting us to drinks. I said I couldn't as I was meeting someone, and she asked "not even a quick one?" and I acquiesced. If this was a few years ago, I would've definitely said she was interested in me. But now a large part of me thinks that she's like Ele, just seeing me as "one of the girls" (which I don't want to be, hence one more reason to decline these events).

Anyway, I was talking to Melissa about the matter, and when I returned to my side of the floor, Mary told me they were looking for me and they had all gone. I left to find them, and went to the wrong hotel, lol, then found them across the road. For a moment, I thought Frank was sitting there with them and my heart sank a bit, because I didn't like the guy, but then realised it was Panda, not Frank.

I got a lemonade as they shared a bottle of wine, and Chris was telling us about her "near abduction". She said she and her friend were clubbing and dancing with these guys, who were filling them up with alcohol. They asked to be driven home, and were instead driven to a lake, where they were separated, and apparently the guy made a move on Chris, and she asked to be taken back to the hotel, but instead he took her to his house, where he pushed her against the wall and tried to kiss her, and she punched him in the stomach. She kept saying everything was still alright, and I just thought "I give girls way too much credit, they obviously aren't very bright".

They also mentioned that Powell would be returning to Sydney after his relationship with his girl (wow, seriously surprised) in Perth didn't work out. Then one of them mentioned that he had crashed at Nunjo's place, and she claimed nothing happened and he didn't make a move. That really was fucking enough for me. Losing out to a guy with a few strands of hair and absolutely no social aptitude was disgusting. Even more disgusting was her willing to go along with it.

Fuck it. Seriously, if you ever even think one more time about prospects with her, you are no man.

It was 5:30pm so I said "and on that note, I'm out" and left. I went across the road and went to the shopping centre to meet Erica. I checked my phone and she had sent me a message on the app saying she'd be 15 minutes late, so I sat down and started checking NBA scores.

Not long after, and before I even had a chance to digest what had happened in the NBA, she approached me and said she recognised me. I stood up to greet her. She resembled her photo, but I think obviously she looked a bit better in the photo. I was startled, and for a few moments didn't know how to react. One comment she made was "you have glasses". A lot of people have said that about me now whenever they've seen me with glasses. Hmmm.

We set off in search of a restaurant, and I took her to that laneway with the random Japanese restaurant. We had passed Mamak and I said I had never been, and she suggested we try it even though she has been before. I was like ok, since there wasn't a line, but we still had to wait.

As we waited outside, we talked, and I tried to keep conversation going, remembering she didn't like silence. From that conversation, I learnt:

- she was born in HK, came here when 13
- she has been at her job for about 6 months now, and was previously somewhere else for about two years
- she is in accounting, doing tax returns
- she is the only child
- she brings lunch to work
- she moved around a bit during her high school years

One thing I took note of was her asking me how old the women were in my office. She probably thinks I've got lots of opportunities there. Ah, how wrong.

Anyway, we got a table later and sat down to check out the menu. We had a main each and shared a roti as dessert. I thought the whole thing went ok, but as experience has taught me, you never know. I mean, I did get a few laughs out of her, but I thought largely she was probably just acting civil.

I noticed her slicing up the rota into neat little pieces and wondered if she was a perfectionist. Also found out she was Christian and goes to church every Sunday, but thing was, it's not like she was introduced to it by her parents - she was introduced to it by her friend. I always have reservation for those who find God through friends.

I paid for the dinner, which thankfully was only $40ish and we left. I asked if she wanted to go home, and she suggested we go for a walk around Darling Harbour. So we did, we took a walk along the bridge to the other side. As we did that, I saw the casino and thought about how familiar this path was to me. I also made a conscious decision not to mention anything about the casino.

I asked her if she believed in ghosts and she said no, and I recounted the story of me being trapped in a lift once in Nom's old job where it took me to P4 even though there was no P4.

I ended up walking her to Central station where we parted. I noticed her face was a bit red. I wondered if she thought I was going to make a move.

I went back to the office to change, and then when I got home I texted her to make sure she got home alright. She replied thanking me for the dinner and I said no problems and that was it.