Fuck up

I have such a headache right now, and I feel like I need to crawl into a corner and die.

I discovered today in one of my hearings that I fucked up. It was done after the P case, like eight days after, and in hindsight at least, I should've let Alanna and the above know, but nope, I went ahead and did it.

I spoke to Alanna and she helped me draft the email which I then sent to Wendy A. She replied to a later one I sent, but no reply to this one. Just before sending the email, I told myself I'd rather be Steve Tucker right now.

As soon as I sent it, I felt that huge shitty feeling inside me. I was distracted. It put me off course. I couldn't focus on any other work for the rest of the day. I went to Alanna to talk about it, and she was pretty nice about it, even saying sorry, and I told her not to be since it wasn't her fault. But at the same time, she's not really involved so it's easy for her to say.

When I asked her for help via email, there was a while before a response. Part of me, the paranoid me, felt like she had abandoned me, that I had now become a bother. But maybe that was just me.

I left work before 5:30pm, which was pretty early for my standards, and went to JB to get a Simpsons DVD for my mum.

Really feeling like shit right now. Part of me is saying "I knew you'd fuck up one day in this job". I just remember at the time, the case didn't seem that important, so I disregarded it. But to my defense, at the time we had no instructions as to how to proceed.

Ah, this is such not a good feeling.

First day on level 11

Same job, but I had jitters about starting on a new level, with new people, doing new work.

But like routine, I waltzed into level 10, somewhat sad that it would soon be coming to an end. I started packing and moving my stuff to level 11, but for the most part of the first half of the day, I spent time on level 10.

Eventually I finished moving and was settled into my new room, but it still felt a bit odd. The structure of the floor was the same, but it...wasn't. I met my new supervisor Gina, who is leaving in a few weeks and they reckon Ogre will be my new supervisor. Great.

I had a positive outlook with Gina, and felt like she could be my Alanna.

I think I probably annoyed Michael a bit with the trouble caused by level 10 wanting me to take my hearings, and I felt like I was an innocent bystander caught in the middle of crossfire between levels 10 and 11.

In the afternoon Mary took me around the level and introduced me to everyone. Some people had already come by to say hi. That Moira girl was the first, and although I find her to be quite cheery and extroverted, at the same time I found her kinda loud and annoying, and I didn't know how to deal with her.

Then Christina (who calls herself Chris) came by. She was a lot prettier than I had imagined. She had a real friendly vibe to her, but it was probably too much - I knew she just wanted to check out my background. She said something about me having lots of experience and wondering why I started on level 10.

When Mary introduced me to Bent, that was it. I acted civil, but deep down I was thinking I'd kill him in an instant. Turns out he was also involved in the big trial, but never got to go to court for it!!! So who's bigger now?

The biggest change was definitely the work. I was so used to the routine in level 10, that such a change has now given me a headache. It felt like I was staring at the file not knowing what to do with it. They had given me like five files and it felt like hundreds. I was suddenly rushed, and stressed.

I wanted to go home at 5pm, but finishing off my level 10 work meant I stayed till afterb 6pm.

I bumped into Lemon on the bus (uhhh...) and talked to her during the trip. Found her a bit more bearable now, although didn't like it when she reached for my pass to check it out.

I gave Shuing a call because he had called me a few hours earlier, said he just wanted to meet up in the city earlier. I said I'd try to organise a lunch on Saturday and he didn't sound too keen on it. Such a recluse he's become.

Cherry picking trip

On Saturday I went to the courts in the morning to have a shoot and run around. It felt so good to be in the breeze, just doing whatever I wanted. After the warm up suicides, I started sweating and loved it. It was like I tried to keep pushing myself to sweat more and more, but at the same time I knew I had to be careful about my knee, and I also kept in mind that I'd be walking to work later on to save a bus fare.

After that I went home and had a shower, then walked out to the city for work. I got there at about noon and told the security I'd finish at about 4pm. Ogre came in after a while to do her work. I finished my file at about 3pm and left, and she said she'd probably be there till 5pm.

I went to get a haircut, paid $12 for it, which was $4 cheaper than my usual place, and then I walked past another shop that did it for $10. Anyway, I enjoyed the peaceful walk home, made an instant noodle and ate it while watching How I Met Your Mother, and then went to bed early because I had to get up early the next day.

Sunday
I woke up at 5ish, and even though I normally wake up early on weekdays, this was way too early for a Sunday. I got ready and at 6pm Ele called me to see if I was ready, and I presumed she called everyone else. It made me think how if she wasn't married, I would've taken that to be a sign and would've been wrong.

I went to the bus stop at 6:20am, but there'd be no bus until 6:40am so I had no choice other than to catch a taxi. I got there by taxi on time and saw Freddy and Cindy in the Macca's. I didn't have my glasses on, but Cindy was waving to me so I just walked over.

I bought something to eat, and then we saw Jessica outside so I went to get her, and she was with that couple who were also at the hotpot after the barbeque. That girl is pretty cute, I just can't figure out how that chubby guy landed her.

Everyone else arrived soon after, although even the bus seemed to be late. We all went to use the bathroom in the hotel across the street, and then board the bus. Don't know why the tour guide told us to use the hotel bathroom when there was one on the coach.

Picking seats here was very important. I did not want to be stuck with either Jessica or Linda for four hours. Luckily, Linda didn't end up coming, and Jessica sat next to Eva. I was by myself and Ele said Colin would sit next to me when our coach picked him up.

So off we went to Stratty where we picked up a group of others including Colin, who sat next to me. I knew he talked a lot, and loudly, but he wasn't annoying as we made general convo during the trip. It was pretty fun and exciting to be going on this journey with a group of friends, something my group never seems to be able to organise.

I had my Rich Dad, Poor Dad book with me and read a bit on the coach. We went for about two hours before stopping at Lithgow for a break. We used the restrooms in a park and took a walk around the park. I found myself taking pictures of the group, somehow secretly pining for pictures of Ele. It was like my camera would just subconsciously find her. I found her to be so adorable in the photos. Maybe I'm not completely over her?

We got back onto the coach and went for about another hour before arriving at Orange. We were a bit disappointed with the rain, but even more disappointed when the tour guide said we might not be able to pick the cherries because of the rain. I thought it was a bit of a rip-off, I mean, after all, this was the point of the trip. However, she said she'd negotiate with the farmers.

I lent Eva my jumper because she didn't have anything warm to wear, which left me with nothing warm to wear. I said it should fit her, and Freddy was like "so...you saying she's fat?" That wasn't what I meant, and I said "I meant I'm skinny" and then realised the fallacy of that straight away - I could no longer be classified as skinny.

We went into a small house where we tasted wine, and Young and I mainly sat around even though curiousity meant I took a few sips. Then we were told we were allowed to go pick cherries, so we all headed out into the fields which was amazing. The rain was a bit of a bummer, making it slippery everywhere, but I found that it gave the plants and cherries a nice wet gloss.

We went around, picking and eating cherries, going into the forbidden areas (trees covered by nets). We lifted the nets up and went under. It was like cherry heaven. But I soon realised that the thrill of eating cherries would eventually die...I mean, seriously, how many cherries can one person eat? It got to a point where we just started throwing it at eachother, lol.

On our way back, Eva and I stopped to take some photos, and then she threw one at me and ran away, so I chased and threw one back at her. I didn't mean to, but it hit her right on the back of the head fairly hard, lol.

It was beginning to rain harder as everyone (or my group at least) returned to the fruit shop. We lined up to buy cherries, which was a bit of a rip off. It was $5 per kilo if we picked it, but $6.50 if they got it for us. Obviously it would've taken us ages to pick one kilo, so everyone had to line up. And the really frustrating thing was that the old guy was weighing them per order, so he'd just go get one or two kilos or however much someone wanted each time there was an order. I mean, seriously, isn't it reasonably foreseeable that when a group of tourists come, that they'd buy some cherries so it'd be sensible to pre-arrange them in packs of one or two kilos??? And even worse, the guy was kinda rude, clapping his hands loudly when Eva was next but had her head turned.

So we all packed our cherries into the bottom compartment of the coach before getting back on, some of us soaked. I had lent Eva my jumper, and that was all wet and dirty. I think she had even used it to wipe her nose when we were lining up for the cherries, lol.

We were driven back to the city area of the town where we went for lunch. Most of us went to the pub for some pub grub. I was a bit turned off by the 'cook it yourself' steak, and even more so at the price. Why pay so much to do it yourself??? I got a nice chicken schnitzel with gravy, yummmm. The girls went out to get noodles or something, so I sat with Colin, Freddy, and Cindy while Young cooked his steak.

I found that Colin, perhaps like me (but definitely louder), has a tendency to say real stupid things. Like, he was talking loudly about "country people" when we were surrounded by locals. As we were getting off the coach, he was talking about us being attacked by boomerangs, which I reckon would be offensive to an Australian. He also has a constant theme about Asians walking through towns like this that have little to no Asian population - I then realised how awkward it must've been for other people when I brought this subject up in conversations. It really demonstrates your narrow and simple minded views.

After lunch we all got back onto the coach, and for some reason when I was the last one on following Young, everyone in my group screamed "you're the last one!!!" lol.

The trip back was a bit quieter. At first we played Uno, but it was a bit uncomfortable given the seating arrangements. We played two games and then packed it up. Most of us drifted off to sleep. I think I semi-slept, until I felt Colin's arm resting heavily on my arm. Then I realised it wasn't his arm - it was his head. He was now fully sleeping on my arm. I felt cruel to move away, and gay to let it stay there, so I just pretended I was still asleep and ignored it.

However, in that time, I realised that my isolated way of life has made me very untrustworthy of people. It's hard for me to relax my guard, and therefore sleep, when people are around. Take Naby and Lily for example, and now Colin. It's like I always sleep with one eye open.

After a while he moved off, probably realised what he had done, and I started reading my book again. I really liked the new perspectives presented in the first half of the book, and it's really motivated me to save some money to invest. It makes investing a hobby, almost an addiction. Everything made sense, and I was really buying into it. I mean, it should've been so basic all along: prefer passive income, buy assets that produce income. However, I'm up to the second half of the book now which just kinda talks about obstacles to people doing it and that, which isn't all that exciting, or as exciting as the first half anyway. I want to read about how to make money.

Then everyone later woke up and Colin was talking about how he wanted to get off since the coach was approaching his place but wasn't making a stop. He ended up coming to the city with us and we all went for dinner at a place above the new dessert shop. I was told that it was opened by the same boss who owns the dessert shop, who also owns Easyway, which made me think again about how easily money could be made from businesses.

Michael L joined us for dinner, and so I was ready for some doom and gloom. Couldn't help but feel that he'd bring down the mood somewhat. I sat next in between Colin and Freddy, and then Michael L arrived. Eva introduced him to Freddy.

Eva: Do you know Freddy?

Michael L: No.

Then when she introduced him to Cindy, he gav e a very soft and appeasing "hi".

My god...you dog!

Needless to say, Freddy felt shunted and didn't try to initiate conversation with Michael L for the rest of the night.

I thought the food was pretty good. I had lent Eva my camera to show her the wedding photos from ages ago, which ended up being passed around to Jessica and Ele. They went through the photos and I told myself I had deleted all those self-taken pictures I had made in the past. However, when I went home, I realised that pictures of my cousin and I were still on it, so I wondered if they thought she was my girlfriend.

Anyway, Jessica wanted to pay for me to thank me for getting her a job, but I'd have none of it so I chucked in my $20 willy nilly, which meant there was an extra $20. Cindy had it and gave it to Jessica, and then someone said it wasn't enough, and then Ele added "he [me] wants more" and made an "ooo" sound. Great, really fucking great.

I parted with them because they were driving and I was catching a bus, so I had my cherries in my bag and headed home to give to my family.

My level 10 farewell

On Thursday I had a bit of a cheery end to the work day.

I left at 5pm because I just felt like it, and while I was walking to the office to the bus stop, I spotted RB at the corner of the street waiting to cross the road. I pondered for a moment as to whether I should approach, and then figured I'd probably regret it if I didn't, so I walked up beside him and tapped him on the arm. It startled him, which I found funny, but once he realised who it was, he broke into a laugh and said "hey mate" and offered a handshake.

He asked where I was working and I told him, and I asked if he had any interesting trials, and he said just a few murders but nothing had ran. He then told me about the tv show CW was involved in which was airing that night, and I said I'd watch it before we parted ways.

At the bus stop, just as I was about to pick a spot to lean back on, I saw a guy Lemon and I used to (cruelly) call dumb face, mainly because of the birth marks on his face. I can't remember how our relationship was at the end of high school, but I was half surprised he didn't punch me - instead, we chatted a bit before his bus came. Apparently we work in the same building!

So bumping into those two people made me all cheery inside, and it also made me feel like I was going to bump into more people, but I didn't. I went home and then to the gym, and just before going in, I went to the sports store downstairs because they were having a 40-50% off closing down sale and bought a blue Addidas top, which was the same as the one I'd seen a guy wear at the gym before and I had wanted it since, but trying it on at Rebel told me it didn't suit me, but now with the discount it seemed to mitigate that somewhat.

The girl who served me was quite pretty, and while waiting for the credit card approval to go through she said something about dinner, which I totally wasn't ready for, so just ended up smiling, which probably made her think I didn't want to talk.

Friday
So, it would be my last official day with level 10.

In the morning I pondered whether there would even be a farewell for me, as I had heard nothing of it. Part of me would've been sad if that was true, but at the same time I kinda just wanted to go out quietly, not wanting to be the centre of attention.

But then in the late morning there was an email saying there'd be an afternoon tea at 3pm to farewell me.

I was a bit sad that Alanna would be out at training all day, because I was expecting her to be around so I could ask her questions about files I was finishing off.

I worked away on two files I was finishing off (slowly) while thinking in the back of my mind about my 'speech' I knew I'd have to inevitably give.

Around lunchtime I saw Alanna drop by quickly in her office to check her emails, and she said she'd be around for my farewell. I kinda knew she wouldn't miss it, mainly because she wanted to hear the kudos I was going to give to her.

I had decided and prepared the backbone of my speech, but thought the I'd leave the finer details of delivery to be determined by the moment. At around 2:30pm Junar came around to talk to me, for a bit longer than I would've liked because I was rushing to get my work done, and that took us to 3pm when Dugon called to get me to the para bay.

Lewis was talking to Karina next door, so I gathered both of them and took them with me to the para-bay. I must admit, I was a little excited. I ended up with Lewis to my left, thank god for that, because he was the most comfortable person to talk to in a situation like that. I wondered how he felt about my move.

I found out that Wendy F had actually baked the cake herself, so there goes that "I don't think she likes me" talk. I never realised I meant this much to her.

Wendy A had arrived at my left rather quietly, and she got everyone's attention once everyone was there. I noticed Katie was hidden around the corner, but she was there at least.

Wendy A started thanking me for my contributions, and I started getting really nervous, because it felt like all eyes were on me, so I just dealt with it by looking down and laughing, occasionally looking up at her. She said something about the quotes up on my walls, asking me if I lived by them, and I was surprised because I never realised she went in to check them out. She also mentioned the fact that I did 15 briefs once month, and said that may have been a record. I was about to say 16, by Alanna but refrained. I could feel the sudden hatred towards me.

Sometimes I wonder about the coincidence of my timing - just because I felt like going Mike Tyson on everyone for one month, it ended up being at a time noticed by the boss when an opportunity to move came up. Very good timing. Sometimes I wonder who they would've picked if I had just hit 12 that month. I also think about how I wouldn't have hit 15 if Alanna didn't go on leave that month.

Anyway, she finished and I knew it was my turn. I started off by thanking her for the opportunity, and then Wendy F "for the food". Wendy A said something like "I hope that's not all you're thanking her for" which made everyone laugh. I was laughing and added "I also want to thank her for teaching me, everytime I've watched her go through a brief I've learned something new, it's amazing to watch her go through it and find something with precision".

I then moved onto Alanna: "I also want to thank my super supervisor Alanna. In the time I've been here, I've asked her about a million questions, and she's answered every one of them". She added "but most of the time I ask him 'what would you do?'"

I also thanked everyone else for making me feel part of the team, and that was it. I had managed to do a speech without (hopefully) saying anything stupid and offending anyone.

I had thought about, when referring to Alanna, saying "in my nine months here", but then figured it might sound like I hadn't been here too long or that I was showing off about how fast I was getting out of here.

Zena asked me to open the card and the gift, which I did. I opened the card and saw the cover was full of quotes, and I said it summed me up perfectly. I also checked the gift and it was a movie voucher, which I thought was pretty appropriate.

People started eating and talking amongst themselves, and Wendy A started talking to me, which made me feel a bit nervous. She talked a bit about her family, saying she had a 16 year old son and a daughter who just did her HSC, and told me a bit about her earlier career. She asked about my sister, which I was a bit iffy about, I guess my family is my main weakness. She also asked me if I was going to the bar, and I said it was too early for that. I had to be careful, because I didn't want to say yes, otherwise she'd think I would be leaving the job soon, and I didn't want to say no because then she'd think I didn't have goals. I hope I struck the balance.

We talked for a while and so I was relieved when it finally ended, it was like I could finally relax again. I talked to Lewis a bit before getting back to my room. I was eager to check out my card, and found it hilarious that Katie had just put "good luck in [new branch]". It was like sooooo obvious she didn't even want to write anything, lol, so freakin' funny.

I also noticed that the movie voucher expired on the day, probably because they wanted to get me out of the office early, which I appreciated. I tried to finish off my work but left at around 5ish. I went home, drove to the gym, then drove to Bondy for a movie.

I had decided on Due Date because I was in the mood for a laugh. I bought the ticket early and then went for a walk to KFC as I hadn't had dinner yet. I was starving, but wanted something small and cheap.

I got a small snack box and then ate it as I walked back to the cinema. I still had a bit of time so I checked out Borders. I just wanted to browse, but found the book 'Rich Dad, Poor Dad' and had a flick through it. I placed it back and started walking out when I turned around and picked it back up.

I decided to buy it.

Once at the cinema, I went to get myself a coke and popcorn. Everything was self serve, and I had a bit of a problem with the popcorn machine. The girl working there, who was dressed in a very sexy 1970's-ish movie theatre staff costume, said I had to pull the lever out all the way and helped me pull. But then the popcorn only started dribbling out, and she said she'd go around to move it from one side to the other.

So she went around the counter and started scooping popcorn from the full side to my side, and it started pouring down. I eventually pushed back the lever when I had enough. I gave her a thumbs up and she gave it back, and it made me think about how it looked like an advertisement at that very moment about a happy customer. She was pretty hot, but probably a bit young for me.

The movie was pretty good, I really had some good laughs, probably so many that I got tired of laughing. I've never really liked Robert Downey Jr, but I found him quite likeable in this movie.

I drove home after the movie, feeling somewhat lonely. I felt the reminscent effects of my 'past' days and thought about gambling or whoring, but in reality I knew I wasn't going to do either.

Ignored by Wendy Z

Yesterday during lunch, I was in the kitchen staring at the christmas party poster while waiting for my fried rice in the microwave, when Alanna walked in and asked if I was going to the party. I nonchalantly said no, and she reacted fairly strongly, like "how can you not go?" and tried so hard to get me to go I couldn't get out of there fast enough.

After work I went to the gym at the Bra, intending to see Nick. I was a bit hyped up because last time he said when I got better we could start working out together, and now that I'm a lot better I was looking forward to it. I did my stuff and after the bike I was walking to the stretch area and saw him, and we chatted a bit, but he was with his friends who he didn't introduce me to, so I went to do some weights, saying I'd be back. When I returned he was leaving with his friends, so I felt a bit disappointed.

Today at work I finished off that second RLM file, so glad. I had training the first half of the day as well, which kinda tired me out for the rest of the day. I sat next to Lewis who was actually quite funny. I found the presenter to be quite interesting, which wasn't an easy feat given what he had to talk about. I sat there thinking that he should've done the leadership training thing.

After work I jogged home, this time first stopping at the first traffic lights past the yellow temple house. I swear jogging uphill is so fucking hard. I felt a bit strange running past a brothel I once went to. It was kinda like another life I used to have.

In total I probably half walked and half ran, and enjoyed sweating it out. It meant I was burning something.

So I haven't gotten a reply from Wendy Z, which I'm a bit pissed about, but who cares, if she ever texts me I'm just going to ignore her. Where do girls get off thinking they can just ignore guys? This doesn't help in my attitude towards girls. It made me want to see Lily, so I spent a day re-thinking it. But when I read the paper during lunch, I saw the business section which made me want to save up money.

In desperation for someone, anyone, I sent Wu a message on fb. She replied at midnight saying she couldn't because she'd be in another state, but I got a friendly vibe from her message. Maybe she's on the rebound?

Last physio

Hmmm...neglected blogging for the past few days.

At work I found out that it wasn't my last week, and was told that next week will be my last week. I emailed Alanna about it and she said "oh good :)", which made me think, was it a "so I gotta deal with you for one more week 'oh'" or an "yay 'oh'"?

This at least gives me time to do more briefs. I've decided to do that very old one, even though Alanna and I had agreed I didn't need to do it, and even though it'll be my second complexity 2 for the month (we're not even supposed to do one!), but I'm only doing it because Wendy A 'hinted' that I should do it.

On Thursday morning I went to the physio. I had to wait a bit longer than usual because he came out and told me he was seeing someone. When he saw me, he asked me how I was and I said I thought I was nearly there, but told him about my cracking knee, so he explained to me that it was like a new shoe, and that I'd have to fit into it with time.

He checked my extension and said it was better than my left, and once again took the chance to show how wrong the doctors were about it never happening after a certain amount of time. He also checked my flexion and said it was about three degrees less than my left leg, but half the population probably had the same thing.

He also had me lift up my shorts real high to check my quads and the side of my thighs, and said the right one didn't seem to be as good as the left.

That's because I haven't been doing the lunges and squats, due to that time I was avoiding aggravating my left inflammed knee.

He basically said there wasn't much more he could do to help me now, and that as friendly as he could, told me he never hopes to see me again, lol. So I really wanted to give him a thank you speech, but just managed a "thanks a lot, I really appreciate it" and left. I think I'm very bad at expressing myself emotionally. I reckon he will pass as one of the most important people in my life and that's all he got.

On Friday I had an all day 'leadership and management' training thing. I thought about changing it to the next one so I could work on this old file, but saw that Katie and Yoshi were in the next one, and because it was interactive, I thought it'd be best if I stayed away from them.

I thought the training was ok, but it could've been a lot better. The consultant didn't seem like the leadership type of guy who could motivate and inspire, whichw as kinda what I was expecting. I sat in between Louise and Bruce, so on my left I discovered that she was the type to blow her own trumpet a bit, while on the right I had to pretend to laugh at Bruce's jokes. He was funny, but in a weird way.

There was a hot para there, who was only hot mainly because she was dressed skimpily. I couldn't help but steal glances at her legs, because she was wearing such short shorts. It probably wasn't appropriate for her to wear something like that in the office.

After work I met up with Bush, and because we were early for dinner we decided to check out the new shopping centre. We caught up heaps, and I felt like I was talking to the best friend I hadn't seen for ages. I don't know why, but I feel like I can be totally frank with her, but one sort of annoying thing with her is that when things go quiet a bit she'll ask "so what else is happening" and I don't really know how to answer that question because it's so broad and vague. Like she said at one stage, she asked me that and I said nothing, and she said "you keep telling me stories so there must be something". I geuss you just gotta ask specific questions to me to get something out.

We ended up at a cheap clothing store (I find that she still likes bargain stores over posh high priced stuff, even though she's now earning decent money) and spent a bit of time there as she bought a few pieces of clothing. We went to Myer because I was looking for a pair of jeans, and she wondered aloud whether she should have free make up put on. I encouraged her, and she said something like "nah, you just want me to turn up to dinner looking like a clown". I didn't say anything because inside, I was smiling and thinking "you know me like a worm inside me".

We walked to the harbour and found the restaurant, with Shady and Kylie already there. They talked a lot about work, mainly because they work together at Parra. Not surprisingly, Twish is causing a bit of trouble and is not very well liked. Shady described her perfectly when he said she was like a "whirlwind", lol!

Carry soon arrived and we ordered the mains. The food wasn't as great as I expected (probably because I ended up eating a deep fried FLOWER!) but it was good to be with them. Whenever I'm with this group, I know that one on one, I wouldn't have much in common with Shady, Kylie or Carry, so it really is Bush who gets me involved in this group and I thank her for it.

After dinner we went to the Lindt shop for dessert, where the talk started getting interesting because Bush was probing us about our love lives. Kylie didn't need much probing, as she kept saying all night how she wanted a boyfriend and she even went as desperate to say she wanted to hook up with one of Bush's brothers. How awkward it must've been for Bush.

I find that Kylie's standards are too high, she wants a tall handsome guy (like all women) BUT she doesn't seem to comprehend that she herself is not really that good looking. I wondered if I suffered from the same...flaw.

Interestingly, Carry opened up and said she was looking for a guy who was comfortable with living in the country but also had a bit of a city side to him. I actually reckon she's decent looking, but we seem to have nothing in common. It's like no matter what, we just cannot get on the same wave length.

I did open up a bit, telling them (like I had told Bush earlier) about my 'date' with Wendy Z who asked about my salary. Carry seemed most empathetic with the situation, given that she was earning some decent money.

Bush wanted to call it a night at 9:30pm, so we walked to the train station where we parted. I deliberately walked away from Carry to avoid any awkward polite conversation.

Saturday
I half jogged to the gym in the morning. It's so mental, and I probably knew this before, but it's like I have to re-learn it again. If I'm jogging and think about how much more I have to go, I feel like stopping. But if I just put my head down and take it one step at a time, I find it to be more peaceful and less pressure to do it, which helps keep me going longer.

Anyway, did my exercises at the gym, focussing especially on lunges and squats. After that I went home to wash my car because it had purple bird shit all over it, so I was proud to make it all sparkly clean again.

I made breakfast and bummed around till noon when I went to pick the guys up for lunch. I had to go to the ATM first to get some cash, and parked nearby. When I returned to my car to drive off, I thought I was in drive but it was in reverse, so when I accelerated I hit the tree and the wooden poles holding it upright. I got out and was like "oh my fucking god!" expecting some huge irreparable damage, and saw a lady smiling as she saw the whole thing.

My first reaction was "what are you smiling at bitch", but then I checked and there wasn't anything there. As I drove off, I realised that her reaction was actually a good one. If there had been some serious damage, I doubt she'd be smiling.

When I parked at Malay's place I checked again, and saw that there was a small scratch. While we waited for Thai, I managed to polish it off.

Thai arrived and we drove to pick up G, and then Brain. He annoyed me right from the start. I unknowingly parked too far away, and instead of coming out of his stairway to look for us, he stood inside and had to call to see where we were. I'm thinking "if you walked outside and looked around..."

We drove off to Cabra, with me driving rather timidly. I just had this feeling that I was going to get in an accident of some small magnitude, and just had that wrong 'vibe' about driving. So I tried to focus mainly on the road rather than what we were talking about.

We got to Cabra and I had Malay spot for me as I parallel parked on a street. I couldn't help but make the Vietnamese jokes with Brain, like saying that because he was Viet, that he could protect us no matter what happened, so I told Thai to start kicking stuff, lol.

We aimlessly walked along the main street finding a restaurant, even though Brain was familiar with the suburb. We kept going to him for recommendations and he kept coming back with nothing, because he couldn't decide. Finally when we reached the end I just pointed out a rather modern looking restaurant and we went in.

To my disappointment, it didn't have pho. What Vietnamese restaurant in Cabra didn't have pho???

Anyway, we ordered our stuff and the one that Malay and I ordered looked good in the menu but didn't taste that good. It was kinda bland and very oily. I did however enjoy the coconut juice.

Brian suggested we go to Shiverpool because he wanted to buy something, so we walked back to my car and on the way checked out some of the discount stores. I bought an Uno pack for $3. I love stores like these, and I think G did too.

It was good to go somewhere new to eat, instead of the same old city or Chinksford area. I think Malay liked it the most, cause he was really bored of the same scene. I felt good that I had introduced this side of Sydney to him, because it was a side I was semi-familiar with.

So we drove to Shiverpool and checked out the shopping centre. Brain wanted a special package for the Kinect, and when we found it he.......didn't fucking buy it. I fucking knew it. He's always saying he wants this and he wants that, but when it comes to crunch time he chokes. We checked out a clothing store later and he said he wanted a pair of jeans, so he and Thai were checking them out and spent a bit of time doing it, and in the end......he didn't fucking buy it.

So really, we kinda came to Shiverpool at his request for nothing.

We watched Paranormal Activity 2, and it was good to watch a movie like this with them because I wanted to see how scared they'd get. During the discussion of what movie to watch, I did however, discover that I didn't have much of a tolerance for watching something they wanted to watch but I didn't want to watch. Like some of them wanted to watch Jackass, and I felt like I wanted to leave. Have I been single for so long that I'm no longer capable of doing something for others?

Anyway, the movie was good, I noticed Thai get a shock when one of the scary scenes came up, hehe. To us it wasn't too scary because it's kinda like the same tricks and stunts as the first one. We saw a trailer for the Devil, which looks pretty good.

After that I drove all of them home. Shuing had called, and Malay and I had G call him back. Malay was sleeping and I was driving. G talked to Shuing for about three minutes, and when I asked him what Shuing said he just said he was at home. Right.

After I dropped everyone off I noticed Michael L had called me. I went to get some petrol and called him back. He asked if I wanted to go cycling with him the next day with Bob, Shuing and G, so I figured Shuing must've asked G to ask me, but for whatever reason G didn't pass it onto me.

I said I'd think about it, unsure as to how stupid Michael L was to think I'd go to it if Bobby was going.

Today
I went swimming in the morning, A couldn't make it because he's in Melbourne. I did 15 laps and then left. I wanted to go shoot some hoops, but didn't have time as I wanted to get some work done in the office.

I went home to shower and eat breakfast, and walked to work because I only had one trip left on my bus ticket. I went to Paddy's first to get some avocados and mangoes. I got to work at noon and Ele called me not long after. She asked if I wanted to go to yum cha and I said yes, even though I had planned to spend at least three hours working.

So I worked for about an hour before leaving to meet Ele and her husband. We met at the lobby to Marigold and went up together, where I was introduced to John, Freddy, Cindy and another girl. Neither were really lookers, but in accordance with my relativity theory, I started to think that the other girl had more and more potential.

I found John to be quite a nice guy, turns out Freddy and him both play ball, so John and I swapped numbers. I didn't tell them about my knee, figuring I was well enough to play a bit and they couldn't have been that good.

It was a bit awkward having something like yum cha with a bunch of strangers, but I found Ele to be very good at bringing me into conversations. I also spent a bit of time talking to her husband Young. One time she sneezed and he playfully pushed her head down, and I just thought right at that moment "she looks so cute, I wish it was me doing that".

After yum cha we decided to go play board games. Freddy and John had to go feed the parking meter, so the rest of us headed off to the board game place. Not long after, Young and I lost the girls. We were shocked at how they just seemed to have disappeared, but thought maybe it was best to just keep walking there.

So we walked and talked, found out he was 26. I wonder how old Ele is. I asked him at the restaurant and he said 28, but wasn't sure if he was serious. We talked a bit about weddings and he asked when mine would be and I said I needed a girlfriend first, and he said Ele was trying to set me up.

I knew it! That's why she always invites me out to things!

I didn't say anything. I found we really got along when we started talking about business ideas. Turns out he had thought about opening an Easyway or similar type of franchise. We talked about how much profit things like that could make. When we managed to get in touch with Ele, we found out she and the other girls went shopping, so we went up to the board games place first.

We talked a bit more until Freddy and John arrived. We started playing Taboo and then the girls arrived. It was a fun game, I could see Ele was really involved, and I found that that's what I like about her - she always tries and wants to learn new things. She was learning new words, whereas her husband just kinda sat back not playing.

We played that for a while before the other girl just didn't want to play anymore. Ele, Freddy and I kept playing by ourselves, until we decided to play poker. We played a few games, teaching John, before leaving.

Ele and Young were headed for dinner, but the others didn't want to go and I didn't want to be a third wheel so I said I wanted to go shopping, which was true because I was looking for a pair of jeans.

I went to Myer and bought a pair for $70, hehe.

On the way home I pondered as to who I could invite to next week's cherry picking trip. I thought about inviting Wendy, and it basically came down to:

1. Do it because you should give it a chance to see if anything could work out.

2. Don't do it, you've already seen the red flags, so you'd be stupid to go any further. You could just see the similarities between her and your mom - in 15 years time she'll be complaining about the lack of money you make, despite living a decent and comfortable life.

I ended up inviting her. She texted back asking who was going. I texted back and she has yet to reply.

Shiverpool

Yesterday I had court at Shiverpool, so skipped gym in the morning. I didn't realise how long it's been since I caught a train out there, I forgot which platform had the quickest one there. I waited at the wrong one for a while before deciding it must've been another one. Luckily I got there on time as planned.

I went into the building and checked the list, saw that I was upstairs so I carried my trolley up, and bumped into the lawyer from the other side. We talked a bit before he went down for other matters. I got a call from Wendy F asking me if Ogre was there. I said no, thinking she had no reason to be because she told me a long time ago her matter had changed dates.

Wendy F said that wasn't the case, and her phone was off, so she panicked a bit and asked me to mention her matter. The lawyer from the other side then came over and we started talking about the matter. I don't know why, although he looks very nerdy, I felt some rapport and comfort with him.

We mentioned our matter before the Registrar. He was flicking through the papers trying to work out what was going on. I thought about letting it go and just getting a date, but then thought "bugger it" and gave a spiel about why it was being vacated and why I was asking for April next year. He probably didn't get it, asked the other side if he consented and then vacated it. Job well done.

I went out and was asked to mention Ogre's matter, which I did, and the mag asked if I could have a chat with the other side to see if we could shorten it.

Ummm...but I don't know anything about it.

I gave Alanna a call to get Ogre's number and briefly told her what was happening. I called Ogre but her phone was off. I stayed and chatted with the informant a bit before Ogre turned up.

I then left, and as I walked out the Court I called Alanna to let her know everything turned out ok. She asked if I was coming back, and even though I wante dto explore the shopping centre, I said yes, and then she said "ok see you soon" in a girlfriend-ish kinda tone.

Usually she doesn't ask me if I'm coming back, in fact, she does quite the opposite - she tells me not to come back, so this time I figured maybe there was something urgent she wanted me to do.

I checked out the shopping centre anyway, and was careful to avoid the Coles as Malay's friend Maria works there. Didn't want any allegations that I met her, had a huge crush on her and stalked her.

I had a walk around and then caught the train back to the office. I went to see Alanna and she asked me what Wendy F said exactly about Ogre. I knew she (and the other SLOs) would relish this 'slip up' by Ogre. I was neutral and said what had happened, and in reality anyway Wendy F didn't seem rude or anything about it. She's not that type. I reckon she's the only one in the branch who would stick up for someone.

At the end of our conversation, I asked her if there was anything urgent I needed to do, and she said no.

What the?! Then why ask me to come back???

After work I ran home, because I didn't feel like gymming. This time I think I ran a bit more. Going up the hill I ran to that yellow temple place, then on the straight main road I reckon I ran about half of it.

No Lily...

Yesterday I drove out to the courts to have a quick shoot around. I warmed up by doing suicides, and I felt like it was pre-surgery, meaning, I could do it, but very very wary.

I drove back home and then walked to the pool to meet A for swimming. I was probably about 10 minutes late, but he's so cool he never makes a fuss out of it. We had to swim in separate lanes because there were too many people, and he ended up finishing early because his shoulder acted up again.

After we changed, I told him about my new business idea. He's usually pretty realistic and willing to shut me down, but he said he could see this as a possibility and asked me to draw up a business plan. The thought of being occupied with doing a business plan really intrigued me.

I began walking home but he called me after a few minutes and said he saw me walking so he gave me a lift. How nice. What made it worse was I opened his door too hard, which made it get stuck in the dirt, and he had to move forward a bit to get it out, lol.

I got home, had breakfast and took a shower, then went to the office to get some work done. Ended up just doing one handover note for a fairly complicated matter and dumped it on Alanna's desk. I couldn't help but check out Katie's room, and saw she still had my lolly in her drawer. Maybe it's knowing that my time here is limited.

I went out to the markets to get some avocados, can you believe it? 80 cents each, whereas the supermarket sells them for $2.50 each!!! I took them back to the office, and had planned to go window shopping in the city, but just went home to watch some NBA games.

My eyes would go to the clock from time to time, and think "this is when I was supposed to see Lily" and wonder whether she would be thinking about me.

Today
Work was pretty boring today. Despite not feeling motivated, a bit of stress and push made me do a fair bit of work. I dumped all the files Alanna wanted, then did a BA which was really old. She basically pushed me to do it even though no spreadsheet had been done. She also asked me to "churn through" the rest of them. I actually thought that was pretty good of her - she could easily ask me to tank it, because the less I do, the less work for her, but nope, she wants them all done.

Wendy A came to my room to talk about some files that needed to be done. She seemed a bit freaked out by the old ones, even though Alanna and I had it under control. I asked her for the name of one and she didn't have it, and I thought "well you can't really tell me to do a file for which you don't even know the name of..." and I had a Nom feeling from her.

Stayed back till about 6:30pm before going to the gym nearby. I think I might stop straightening my leg now...I think I may be over doing it.

The 'date' with Wendy

On Friday I got to work a bit late, and it didn't help that when I was in the lobby, none of the lifts seemed to be working, meaning there was a huge build up of people in there.

I didn't feel too motivated to work - a recurring theme for the last week or so. Maybe it's the doing handover notes thing. Maybe it's the moving branches thing. Maybe I'm just tired of doing BAs.

In the morning I played around with my net worth spreadsheet a bit. Hard to believe that a month later, it has remained the same. However, I saw that if I dropped my punting, then things would improve. I saw it as a business decision - if a business sells off it's unprofitable side, then it can be very profitable, so maybe I should 'sell off' my unprofitable side?

For lunch, I felt like a pizza, so I went to Pizza Hut and bought a small pizza to take back to the office. I ate it as I browsed the free newspaper I got from the gym that morning. Alanna walked across and came in when she saw me, and made some comments about my pizza. When I went to dispose of the box Wendy F saw it too and pretended I had done a bad thing, lol.

I worked until about 5:30ish, because I was meeting the guys for Saw. I got changed into my jeans and favourite hoodie, although I must admit, it's lost it's shape for a while now, so it looks kinda loose on me, but it's still my favourite.

I got to the cinema and waited at the entrance. I had told them to meet there at 6pm for the 6:40pm session. I waited for a short while before getting a bit impatient. I checked the time and it was only 6pm, so maybe I was just over-reacting.

I stood there waiting longer. The longer I waited, the angrier I got. I saw that Ben guy walk past, and I thought "I'm sure he's meeting punctual friends, unlike my dysfunctional ones". I started thinking that maybe I should just walk off and turn my phone off.

When it was about 6:30pm I just went across the road to check out the arcades. Spent $10 trying to win a Wii and then got even more pissed off that they had cost me $10. I mean, if they had turned up on time I wouldn't have wasted that $10. Particular anger was targeted at G, who I specifically messaged earlier because he said he might be looking at a car, and said he'd let me know.

I went back to the cinema and waited some more before Brain showed up. He had grown his hair longer, and it didn't suit him. I think he had put on some fat as well. I found it a bit hard to get some initial conversation going, so spent some time calling the others. He said Malay had called him and told him he was on his way. I called G and he said he couldn't come, and I asked why he didn't tell me, and he said he told Malay. Great.

So we stood around waiting for Malay. At 6:45pm Malay called, and said he was on Oxford Street. He asked what time the movie starts and I said 6:40pm. He said "oh...".

So Brain and I stood around waiting some more, and it was only then that we got some good talk going. We talked about his work, and he said he was getting a bit frustrated at the low pay he was on. But as usual, he was all talk with no action, when I asked him whether he had been looking for other jobs.

Malay finally arrived and we decided to skip the movie and just have dinner. They both couldn't decide on a place (not surprising) so we walked around before I suggested a dumpling place. I could see Brain had some reservations about it, because he wanted something more 'filling', but I thought "stuff you if you can't come up with any suggestions at all".

The place I had in mind was packed, so we went downstairs and found a noodle place that was kinda new. It was good to sit down and have a group thing, because it's been a while since we've been together. Malay had bought three new tyres and witnessed a car accident the night earlier, so he had plenty to tell.

Halfway through G calls and asks us where we are, and when I tell him he says he's coming, so he joined us for dinner pretty much after we had just finished our meal. I was kinda hoping he'd introduce the fact that a girl had asked me out, but then I also didn't want to go there as I had just whinged about him to the other two about how he said "child porn" to Wendy.

We talked about the car he was thinking about buying, and after dinner we decided to go for a coffee. Malay had already said he had plans later on, so we were like "whatever", since nothing much was gonna happen anyway. We walked out to the corner of the street before I suggested we go to the coffee shop on the corner.

Then a girl with dyed orange hair showed up. She was Malay's friend, called Maria. Malay introduced her to us and suddenly you ould feel the dynamics change. It was like high school again, where if we saw the sight of a girl in our school we'd just go silent, tense up and not know what to do but stare. I suddenly felt a little embarassed I was dressed the way I was.

She went to the bathroom and then Malay also went, so Brain, G and I stood there waiting. After a while, G said something about Malay taking long, and then said the girl was taking long too, so she "must have been taking a shit". I was like "oh man, please don't say something like that when she comes back". I seriously don't know how he has managed to keep his girlfriend, while I remain single.

They came back and we walked to the coffee shop. She was quite talkative, but stuck with Malay while the three of us walked together. When we got to the coffee shop we lined up to get our drinks while she got the table. I don't know where G disappeared to.

We sat at a table outside and she seemed fairly easy to get along with. She obviously wasn't intimidated by sitting with a bunch of guys. She said she went to a co-ed school, so she was pretty comfortable around guys. We all had a pretty good time talking about random stuff, from her job, to funny clips Malay had on his phone, and just really really random stuff.

Halfway through Thai arrived and joined us. I thought he knew the girl but he didn't. We continued chatting, and G mentioned something about a social lice event happening across the road, and I could tell he wanted to go. He wanted me to go with him, but I didn't want to go because of what I was wearing.

Anyway, Maria and Malay got up to leave, and G wanted to go as well, but I knew better than to leave at the same time as them so I deliberately remained seated for a while before getting up. Walking to G's car, Brain wanted to get a drink at a bar, so we went to the one on the corner opposite my office.

Again, I was a bit ashamed about the way I was dressed, because it really wasn't bar material, but whatever. We sat around and Brain, to my surprise, bought us drinks. We chatted and found out from Thai that Malay actually likes Maria, but she didn't like him. I could see why he would like her, because she's easy to get along with, and that type of personality matches with Malay's more conservative and reserved personality. But I reckon she probably goes for the bad boys.

We also talked about girls, and I could sense Brain was frustrated about being single. But he had earlier said something about women being desperate at around 30 and more willing to sleep around, so I was wondering whether he wanted a girlfriend or just sex.

Thai gave him some good advice, like he always does. I find Thai to be a very realistic and sensible person, he always manages to bring my views back to the ground when I express myself. That's what I like about him. Anyway, he told Brain that no matter how outgoing or shy the girl was, he was still expected to ask her out, and that a girl asking a guy out is like winning the lotto. G looked at me and we both smirked, but we didn't say anything.

We also talked a bit about putting on muscle, and I showed them my wingspan pic, and Thai wondered if it was photoshopped, lol. They were all a bit surprised, but I guess that's because a lot of the times I'm always wearing loose clothing.

We also talked about G's girlfriend, and I showed them his fb profile pic, saying the girl standing next to him was his gf. When G saw it, he said that wasn't her, and we were all like "what?!?! Then what the hell do you have a pic of another girl for???" Thai said it was common sense not to do such a thing, and I was really dumbfounded as to why his girlfriend would put up with this shit. Man, this guy is so lucky.

Towards the end, Brain really wanted a shot so he ordered one for himself and one for Thai, only to hesitate when it came time to get it down. After they had their shots, we left and walked to G's car. On the way, I decided to dig a bit deeper about Malay's crush on Maria. Thai talked a bit about Malay's group of clubbing friends, and hinted that they were the no good type of people. One thing he said really struck me, and it was something like this: "is it our fault that we weren't there for him? You could say that"

It made me think about my time being the captain of the basketball team. I was so focused and so indulged in practising by myself that in the end I felt like I had neglected the rest of my team. It always seemed like there lacked a degree of cohesion. And perhaps, I had let the same thing happen with my friends - I took so much time out for myself gambling and punting that I neglected my friendships.

Maybe...it's my fault?

Saturday
Date day. I must admit, I was a bit nervous. One thing I had going for me was that my dad didn't need the car, so I could use it afterall.

I tried to jog to the gym, but ony jogged about half of it. I was most proud of jogging up the hill bit, as that was kinda hard and it was somewhat hot. At the gym I did my usual knee exercises plus worked on the upper body a bit.

I realised in the change room that the skin on the top of my head was still peeling due to the sun burn I got last week, so there were two different colours on top of my head. I needed to buy a cap.

I caught the bus back home, had breakfast and then washed my car. Made it all beautiful and shiny again after a long non-wash period due to my dad using it. I went back upstairs to have a shower and checked my phone. I got a message from Wendy.

I knew it. She was gonna cancel. I knew this was all too good to be true.

But instead, this was the message:

"Hey [insert name here] today let's meet up in the city at 4pm instead of Burwood is that ok??"

Hmmm...change of game plan. I think I can deal with that. Besides, there was more to do in the city. I decided I'd take her to that coffee shop upstairs in QVB where Emily took me to once. And then maybe we could go play skills tester.

I missed a call from her at 14:20, then she sent me this message at 2:24pm:

"Hey [insert name here] I'm sooo sorry but can we change back to Burwood instead cuz it's better parking there ^^"

Ok, whatever. Lucky I had the car.

I drove out to the city first to get a cap. Parked near Paddy's and was about to walk off without a ticket when I saw an inspector about, so I did an about-face and went to buy a ticket, hehe. I got some cash out and then went down to the markets to look for a cap. It took me a while before I found a shop with the type I wanted.

I didn't want to get one that Malay had, but they looked so good, so I got a navy blue one, which I don't think he has. It looked a little too big for me, but maybe it was just because it had that 'new' shape to it.

I went back through the shops upstairs and passed a confectionery shop, so I stopped and went in to look for something I could give to her. I ended up buying this freakin' expensive chocolate bar for $5 (everything seemed expensive there) and then headed off.

I had a nice drive there, even though there was a bit of traffic. I kept checking my face out in the mirror, paranoid that the hat looked a bit too suspicious. I noticed that my teeth were actually pretty bad, or at least, not as good as I thought they were. Maybe I should have them cleaned at a dentist.

I kept sucking and licking at my teeth, as if it would clean it. Boy, I was not ready for a date.

I got there right on time, parked in the shopping centre and walked to the train station. I had opened the chocolate bar and ate a piece, just to look casual. I got to the train station and saw two girls standing there, but neither were her. I walked to the gates and back out and didn't see her. It was already 4:10pm.

I called her but there was a busy tone. She then called me and asked me where I was, and I said I was at the train station. She asked me to walk to the entrance of the shopping centre because that's where she was, so I did.

On the way there, I decided my chocolate bar had melted a bit and maybe it was too stupid of an idea, so I chucked it in the bin.

I got to the entrance and walked in to see her in front of a coffee shop talking on her phone. I approached her and stood around, but she walked away. I don't think she recognised me. Maybe it was the cap. She walked back in my direction and when she finished her call she saw me and said she didn't recognise me.

We went into the cafe and she asked for a table for four. I asked her who else was coming, and she said Ivy and Daniel. Apparently Ivy was a girl who was there during the Uno game but didn't come to dinner.

I didn't have a face in mind, and didn't really care. I was a little disappointed to know it wasn't just the two of us, but a bit interested to see what this would turn out to be.

We ordered our drinks and had a chat about our backgrounds. I already knew she was from my uni by her facebook photos, but to my surprise when I told her what uni I was from, she didn't give the expected "me too!" and just remained silent.

Some things I found out during the convo:
- her dad has cancer and is selling the takeaway shop, and wants to apply for social security, so she asked me a few questions about it when I told her what area I was in;
- she had two cats, but they remained in the house when she moved a few houses down;
- she lives with her parents;
- she had always wanted to be either a fashion designer or a nurse.

Something strange I found was her asking if I had ever thought about opening up my own firm. I didn't think much of it at the time, it's only a hindsight thought, so I said yes I was going to if I didn't get my current job.

Then her friend Ivy arrived. I didn't really recognise her, as evidenced by me not remembering where she sat during Uno when they told me. She was quite talkative, and I wondered whether Wendy was trying to set me up with her, until she mentioned that she was married, and her husband Daniel was the other person who was supposed to come.

Then things started getting weird. They asked me if I believed in feng shui, and the five elements. I'd never heard of the five elements so they tried to explain it to me. Ivy asked what star sign I was and eventually just asked for my date of birth to find out which element I was. Wendy looked it up on her phone and read it silently, while Ivy read it and questioned me with stuff like "do you have many female friends?" and "you think too much"

Ivy started telling me about ways to make money, like investing in property. She also asked if I had ever thought about opening my own firm, and suggested it was silly to work for someone to make them rich.

I was beginning to wonder where all this was going. Wendy asked me how much I was earning "if I didn't mind". I was unprepared for it so I told her, and asked her back, and she said $40,000. In hindsight I should've just chuckled and said it was a secret, but oh well, it's a learning experience I guess.

I was beginning to think that either: 1) they were both scoping me out for potential; or 2) they were trying to scam me.

Daniel arrived later and I figured he'd join in on the scam, but from what we talked about he seemed innocent enough. He said he was an arhitect working for himself, and said he was at the end of the ice skating, and then I remembered his face, because I thought he was Wendy's boyfriend.

Ivy asked me twice if I was looking for a girlfriend, and said she knew some girls. I thought this was all a little weird. Wasn't I here for Wendy??? I kept glancing over at Wendy, she had become a bit quiet, and sometimes she'd sneak a peak at me.

They asked me what I did outside of work and I said gym, and I noticed Wendy look at my arms. When I placed my forearm on the table to rest my chin in my palms, she looked at my forearm.

Then Ivy started talking to the Asian waitress in Mandarin, and eventually got her phone number. Don't know what all that was about.

I was pretty relieved when we finished our drinks and went to pay. They were going to Ivy's house for some beauty therapy or something, and I just said bye and walked back to my car.

I drove back in the rain, which annoyed me a bit given I had just washed the car. Even though I had half-expected a group thing, I couldn't help but feel 'sprung' by all the questions asked. It was pretty rude and invasive to ask for someone's salary when you barely know them.

I came to the conclusion that she probably wasn't the right person for me, but if she asked me out again I'd consider it.

I went to fill up in petrol and wondered what I should do. The thought of going to the casino did cross my mind, only briefly, but I managed to push against it. I think the urge has become a little stronger though.

I decided not to do anything so I just went home and made something to eat while watching some NBA games.

One step closer to no more Lily?

Went to the gym in the morning. I've noticed that as of late, the stretchy feeling around the incision area has subsided somewhat, it's not as much of a barrier to my movement as it used to be. I guess the only problem now is that I don't have much feeling in my right leg, but that really is ancillary to everything else I've gone through.

It felt a bit empty at work because Alanna was at court. Everytime I walked past her room, it was a little odd to see her empty seat. I wonder if that's how people will feel when I'm gone.

At lunch I decided to go out to check this shop which had a closing down sale, and bumped into Alanna as I walked out the lifts and she walked in. On the way I decided it was too far away and instead stopped at a sushi train restaurant. I still have a bit of the craving so I decided to treat myself. It was good in that it was quiet, but the variety wasn't as great.

When I returned, as I walked out of the lift she walked in, and I chuckled at how coincidental the thign had been.

I did go to her in the afternoon to ask a question and asked her how court was. Later on, she came to my room to give me a file to amend, and I made a joke about how the defendant and her parter travelling on the same flight was just a coincidence, and we both said "me too!" at the same time, and I swear I spotted a sparkle in her eye.

After that I was working on another file, facing the corridor. She walked past and I just gave a friendly smile, but she stopped to ask "are you growing a beard for Movember?" I said no - it was actually my deliberate intention to not grow a beard to spite the whole thing that has gone too commercial, but I just said no. She said she only asked because it looked like I had a small patch. That was too much personal attention for me so I directed it back to her boyfriend by asking if he was doing it, and she said he did it once but never again.

I had also gone to see Karina a few times, and on one occasion asked her what there was to do in the Wood. She couldn't fofer much help, but asked why and I think she knew I'd be going there with a girl, so she suggested a park near the shopping centre.

So today was pay day and I put all my extra cash into my credit card. It felt like I was one step closer to the idea of never seeing Lily again, but then again, you never know. I guess if things with Wendy Z go well, then it may be true, which is kinda scary in a way. It feels like I'm being forced to give up something. Or it could go the way Claire went and I'd return to a life of hooking up with prostitutes.

I decided to run home today, it didn't feel as good to the pocket because I had already bought a weekly ticket, so wasn't saving any money by doing so. But I took a route which involved a bit of a hill climb, and I struggled, but the thing of beauty was, there was a long moment where I was so tired and the heat was so much that I felt like sweat was about to pour out of me, and I loved that feeling because I hadn't experienced it for so long.

For about 60% of the way I probably half jogged and half walked, then walked the rest of the 40%. So that was enough for my knee today, no gym and I just rested at home.

Can I please eat my lunch in peace?

I went to the Bra gym in the morning, purely because I felt like a change in scenery. Can't believe how packed it was there, but the hot receptionist kinda makes up for it.

At work, I spent the day half finishing off a BA and half preparing some instructions for matters coming up. In the morning, I was walking past Alanna's room and decided not to distract her by saying hi, so I didn't even look as I walked, but she said "hi [insert name here]".

At lunch, I had a craving to go sushi train. I went to the one next to the cinema, but they were full. I went to another one a street away but they had closed down. I walked through a food court before going back to the shopping centre near my office to buy a box of rice, a can of drink and a box of chocolate.

As I was walking into the lift to go back upstairs, I heard a voice call out. It was Alanna, asking me to hold the lift open. She said she asw the back of my head. I already had a piece of chocolate in my mouth, and offered her some, but she declined, saying she hadn't had lunch yet. I asked her if she was buying breakfast, because she had a box of cereal, and she said yes, because it was $3 a box.

We made chit chat about grocery shopping, on my part mainly because there were two other guys in the lift.

I went back to my room and realised they didn't give me a spoon, so I walked to the kitchen to get one. I saw Heath and called out to him. He seemed pleased to see me, and said he had heard I was moving branches. I was kinda surprised that he, down in level 9, had heard. I asked him how he knew and he just said grape vine.

Wow, word spreads really quick.

We talked and walked back to my room, and he kept talking about it, wanting to know how or what I did to get out of this branch so fast. He said I was the quickest to leave "alive". I didn't say much because the door was open, and I was sure people could hear us from either side. I also wanted to eat my lunch. He said I was being modest, and I just kept repeating that I didn't ask for it.

What annoyed me a bit is the constant mentality that my branch is one that people need to get out of, like it's a prison sentence where everyone has to do a minimum amount of time. I actually like it, I'm happy here and don't really want to move. Can't believe they're moving the one guy who wants to stay. SMH.

He finally left and I started to eat my lunch in peace. A few bites in, Alanna opened my door and came in. I thought she was going to ask me about my conversation with Heath, but she just asked what I was eating and we started talking about food. Apparently she likes dumplings, and steams them at home. I was surprised by how much she is into Asian food. She seems to have a bit of Asian in her. Several times now when either I have walked past her room or she was walked past mine, she does the peace sign that Asians always seem to do in photos.

Anyway, we talked for a bit while in the back of my mind I was just worried about my food getting cold.

Why can't people let me eat my lunch?

She marked my MOC BA, and had good things to say about it.

In the afternoon I was walking around to see who I could offer chocolate to, and saw Levac's door was open so I went in. Gave her a piece and we started talking about her new job. I was like "you're leaving" and she said, just bluntly, "so are you". I don't think she likes me, lol. Either that, or she's just intense all the time.

I stayed back because I had a bit to do, and I was looking for a file around the para bay when Wendy F spotted me. She started helping me look for it and found it. I returned to my room and she started talking to me, joking about how Bruce would go psycho when he finds out I'll be changing rooms again, and about how Dom took his pants off in her room. She had also said earlier that she was sad to see me go, because I was starting to get into things and could pick up things fairly quickly, and I also could work without a fuss. I wondered what she meant, like who was fussing? What is there to fuss about? What is so hard about just doing your work?

I thought about jogging home, but it rained pretty hard earlier, and I also wanted to go for a swim, so no point tiring my legs out. I caught the bus home and then went for a swim.

I LOVED it!!! I felt so free. I did 15 laps. I didn't want to leave, but on the second last lap I swallowed some water and was choking a bit, and also some guy had joined my lane, so I decided that was enough.

For today, I have decided that I won't go see Lily this week. Maybe I might not see her ever again, depending on how things with Wendy Z go. But I think ultimately I will have to see her one last time, if just to say goodbye. I owe her the chocolate strawberries. But I don't want to, later on in life, look back and say I was involved in this when things started happening with Wendy Z.

Wendy Z!

Same as always, went to the gym this morning, went home, had breakfast (ate some dumplings which I later found out my mom had dropped on the floor.........) then went to work.

At work, I sent messages out to the guys organising a movie session on Friday, so throughout the day I got messages back and forth about it. Malay said he couldn't afford it because he bought new tyres, and I wondered if it was just an excuse not to come. I said I'd cover for him, and he didn't reply for a long time before finally saying "ok". He probably trapped himself in a corner if he was just using it as an excuse.

Whilst working, I kept thinking about Lily in the back of my mind. I had preliminarily decided that I'd see her this Sunday, but would tell her I couldn't see her the week after (to save money).

I also thought about Wendy Z a bit. My plan was to organise a group day out, probably to play badminton and then we could go play board games.

I had also been waiting for a message from DC because he called me last week and said we'd meet up for coffee today, so I wasn't surprised when my phone received a message. I was, however, surprised when I saw who it was from.

17:37 from Wendy: Hello [insert name here].. It's Wendy here... How u going?? U doing anything on this sat??

OMFG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I had to step away from my desk and hide behind the door to secretly cheer, and then realised I better not in case anyone saw me and thought there was something seriously wrong with me.

I started thinking about my response. I somehow had assumed she had organised a group thing. She probably sent that message out to everybody. But then again, it had my name. Maybe she customised all of them.

18:40 from me: Hey Wendy, I'm good, and you? I'm free this Sat...is anything happening?

19:05 from Wendy: I'm good do u want to come for a coffee on sat at 4pm?

19:18 from me: Sounds good, did you have a place in mind?

19:45 from Wendy: At Burwood is that ok??

20:20 from me: Sure, meet you at the train station at 4?

20:23 from Wendy: Ok.

Soooooo...is this a date? And what about Lily?

Did she call me stupid?

I went to the gym in the morning, it doesn't take as long now because I've cut down the last set of knee exercises, figure I was over-straightening it.

Had breakfast at home before going to work. Now that I know I'll be leaving in two weeks I've lost a bit of motivation. Anyway, Alanna was already in and I knew I'd have to have a 'catch up' chat with her about her hearing on Friday, but I took my time and walked past her office several times to change and refill my water bottle before going to see her.

When I first went in she made a sad face, and I thought "what the hell? I thought she won the hearing??" I asked her what was wrong and she said I was leaving, referring to the email I had sent on Friday.

We talked for quite a while, about my chat with Michael from upstairs and then about her hearing on Friday. She said she "completely wiped the floor" with the other lawyer, and I could tell she enjoyed telling her story, but I would tune in and out because I had just lied to her moments earlier. I said I had thrown her name in when talking to Michael. I hadn't. Not intentionally, I just didn't find the opportunity.

After that I slowly returned to work, getting things done one at a goddamn time. I went out for a walk around noon, to that Asian grocery store Lewis and I had talked about where he had gotten his coconut juice. I then went back to the office to have my lunch - a baxo of rice from my dad's restaurant which didn't taste very good.

At 1pm, Karina, Lewis and I went to a lunch time CLE. We bumped into Ogre at the lifts so we all went together. Imad and a few other people were already in the lift, including Genie and two other ladies. There was some short chatter amongst them about us spending our lunch time to go to the CLE, and one of the ladies tapped me on the arm and said I was stupid.

When we walked out, I waited until the doors closed before asking Karina, "did she just call me stupid and I don't even know her?" She was like "yeah, I thought so".

Karina, Lewis and I sat at the table at the back. At first I was really sleepy, because I didnt get enough sleep last night (probably why I wasn't motivated) but the lady was actually quite interesting and that somehow woke me up. Lewis, on the other hand, actually slept! I looked at him and he was leaning to his right, eyes closed and sleeping, haha!

I noticed Katie looked back towards the door a few times, and I wondered if it was just to look in my direction. I ignored it and avoided eye contact.

After work I caught the bus straight to the gym at the Wick. I spent some time there, doing my knee exercises and then upper body. Lots of people there tonight despite the thunderstorms. That girl was there too, and I noticed when I went in she took an extra long look at me, probably because of my shaved head.

FIrst game of bball since surgery / Lily / The Social Network

Yesterday morning I went to the gym as usual. I'm starting to cut down on the former straightening leg exercises, because I think I've reached the point where I'm over-doing, making it crack quite often.

After the gym G was supposed to pick me up at around 11ish for a barbeque at Shuing's friend's place, but it was called off, I guess because of the rain. So I watched an NBA game and bummed around on the net till 1:20pm when G picked me up for ice skating that Will had organised.

I had three purposes in bringing G along - as a wingman, as someone who could translate what the hell everyone else was saying, and to give me a lift there since I didn't have the car.

I thought conversation would be sparse, but to my delight it went all pretty well. We had lots to talk about, it was almost like talking with A.

We got there about half an hour early, because I had over-estimated the time it'd take to get there, so we sat in his car listening to Recovery as the rain pelted down, and as he changed parking spots a couple of times.

When it was around 2:30pm, I saw WIlliam come out and I greeted him. He was getting something out of his car, and I introduced him to G. I bet ya he was wondering what my intentions were in bringing G along.

Anyway, we went to pay for the ice skating and then went in. It was a lot colder than I expected. Although I was wearing a basketball jersey underneath the white top I had most recently bought, it wasn't enough. We went to get our skates and put them on.

The first step onto the ice was scary. Not only had I forgotten how to skate, but in the back of my mind I knew that if I slipped just once the wrong way, then my knee would be gone. I could so picture it happening, and was just praying for it not to happen. I clung to the sides for a long time before I finally re-learnt how to skate and could venture to around the middle of the rink.

After the first few minutes, I heard someone yell out my voice. It was Eva! She had come with Michael L and Lemon! Wow, this was a surprise. I so didn't know they were coming. I was trying to think about any lies I had told to Michael L about my plans on the weekend. I don't think I did.

They said they had seen my email address on William's email, but I had been invited via facebook, so I guess he did both. As usual, I found it hard to get any conversation going with Michael L. He always looks so dead. Seriously, at one time he looked at me like a "why are you hitting on my wife?" stare. Very creepy. I decided to keep my distance away from Eva in case any allegations arose.

The other guys, like William and Michael from social lice, mainly kept to the middle of the rink. They seemed to be just standing around and talking. I went over a few times but nothing much seemed to be happening. I wondered what their intentions were in organising events like these.

There was a girl called Jenny there. I think she was at bowling, and I think I had decided she wasn't interested in me, even though I thought to myself I'd go for it if she was interested. She was polite, but had the same aura as the time at bowling, like she didn't want to talk to me all that much.

Colin had arrived, so he was someone I could talk to. He seemed very shaky, so I was glad I wasn't the worst. Matt had also come, so it was good to see more familiar faces. He looks like Steven Ma from TVB.

I kept going round and round, and one time one of the girls came from behind and poked me in the back. I thought she was cute, but didn't catch her face long enough to recognise her.

I had gotten to the point where I was keeping an eye on the clock because I wanted it to be over. The longer I stayed out there, the more risk I'd be open to in hurting my knee. I wonder what Jonathan would say if he saw me.

Finally it was all over, and I was relieved to get off the ice. No problems, all good.

I was so glad to take the skates off, and found that the left inner foot had suffered some pain, probably because I had done the skates too tight or something.

We took some group photos before waddling out of the building. Eva, Michael L and Lemon were standing around deciding what to do - they had said they weren't coming to dinner because they were meeting Jessica at Chinksford for dinner. I wanted them to come to dinner with us, so my secret annoyance for Jessica just grew a bit.

I noticed a very cute girl standing with them. There was another girl and a guy, and I knew one of the girls was his girlfriend, so I didn't think much of it.

We all went outside to take more photos before heading to this guy called Joseph's house. I thought it was a bit strange for him to have all these people he had just met over, but whatever. Colin came with G and I in his car as we all went in convoy for about a five minute drive.

When we parked, one of our cars was a pink Micra, which parked next to me. We both opened the door at the same time, and then I signalled for them to come out first. I didn't even see who it was, but then realised it was the cute girl.

We went up to Joseph's place, which was really, really nice. It was so nice that Eva was inspecting it and then made one of those pouting sounds to Michael L as if to say "why can't we afford a place like this?" Would've hated to be Michael L at that moment. It also made me think and want to save up money for a place like this. It was soooo goddamn clean.

We sat around talking a bit as Joseph served us some drinks. We then watched tv and Australia's Funniest Home Videos was on, which Eva seemed to really enjoy. Simple things made her laugh, I liked it and was annoyed with it at the same time.

Then we played Uno. At first I seemed to be sitting too far and could've possibly been out of the game by sitting that far, but then I moved next to G and was in. The cute girl, who was called Wendy, was next to him.

It was fun playing Uno, and the loser of every game had to do push ups. I won two games and never lost, but what was really fun was this ongoing competition I had created with Colin about it. It was fun because he's so loud and I think people think it's funny when he loses, although I'm not sure if he's just playing along or if he's serious, lol.

A few games in, and I was busting to go to the toilet. I don't usually like to trouble people when I go to their houses by using the bathroom, but I was really busting so I went after winning a game. Relief, ahhh...

It was hard to catch any eye contact with Wendy or even flirt with her because we were sitting on the same side. After the games we left for the restaurant, and as we were walking down Joseph's stairs to get our shoes, I realised I was walking alone with her.

Say something cool! Say something funny!

"So we both didn't have to do push ups."

Eh.

It broke the ice at least, and she said something which I can't remember.

We drove to the restaurant, and G parked on the street while everyone else drove into a car park. Colin, G and I walked around a bit looking for the street before returning to where we parked and meeting up with the others. We all wandered the streets, and walked down the main street for ages before the girls told us we were going the wrong way. So we trekked all the way back before finding the restaurant hidden away in a corner on a small quiet street.

But inside the restaurant everything seemed pretty lively. We found William and his friends who had skipped ice skating all seated and had even gotten food on their table. We all wasted no time in finding our seats. Now I knew this was the important time. Wendy had chosen her seat, and I was at this stage going to sit diagonally across from her. I then bumped Colin into the next seat so that I was now sitting directly opposite Wendy.

Bravo...

After cementing our seats, I felt free to go get food. When we sat back down, I decided to break the ice again by half jokingly asking Wendy if she liked cooking. She took the tongs from me and started cooking the meat on the bbq. Colin was like "hey that's not fair", and it was then that I realised how sexist my gesture had been, even though I didn't mean it. But Wendy seemed happy to do it.

If at anytime things stuffed up my chances with her, it would be this one: she asked what I did, and G said "he does child porn". Her English was decent, and she said "what?" either in a "I don't understand what that means" way or a "child porn? What the hell??" kinda way. Either way, I wished I had never told G I was transferring into another branch, and I wished he would have more common sense.

So then the conversation moved to what Colin was doing. I did see Colin as a bit of a threat at first, but just the way he talks, even though it's funny, it's hard to hold anything against him and see him as a threat, because he's such a good guy. You gotta hate your threats, and I don't hate him.

Found out Wendy was a nurse, and it was really at that point that my mind went "oh my god you're perfect for me!". I probably ruined it by trying to chat her up too much, by telling her about my surgery and asking her about her experiences as a nurse. Wonder if I came off as too obvious. At times she seemed to back off and concentrate on something else.

But the good thing was, she asked if we played badminton. Reacting faster than the speed of light, I said yes, even though I don't. Colin said no. She asked if we wanted to meet up some time to play badminton. Quicker than my last response time which was faster than the speed of light, I said yes.

She handed me her phone and I put my number and name in. I thought about asking her to prank me so I could get her number but didn't want to appear pushy. But then she called my phone anyway so I got her number. She then gave her phone to Colin and G for them to do the same thing.

It probably went a bit downhill from there, as Colin got louder and louder, and I could sense that Wendy was getting turned off by how loud Colin was. Then it struck me - she thought G, Colin and I were like long time buds.

Noooooooooooooooooooooo!!!

To my disappointment when Joseph went up to get some food, she took his seat and went to talk to the two guys at the end of the table. One was kinda fobby, so I didn't worry about him. But the other guy looked like a prick - you know, the type to get girls thinking they want a long term relationship but then dump them after sex.

Nooooo Wendy, I'm the good guy!

I tried not to show any signs of jealousy and just sat back, trying to look laid back and relaxed, even though the corner of my eye was stuck on them and I was constantly mentally dissing the dude.

Colin's loud voice and funny stories kept me sane for some duration of the time.

At the end of the dinner, there was talk of karaoke. G wanted to go, but I didn't, cause I wanted to wake up early the next day, and I was glad Wendy didn't want to go either.

G ended up driving Joseph to karaoke, dropping me off in the city. I caught the bus home, thinking that this was like an episode of How I Met Your Mother and how I had just met someone who I could see potential in. I quickly began thinking about places to play badminton so I could organise something.

Today
Took my time in getting ready and having breakfast before meeting A at the pool. As usual, he was seated there reading the paper. We got changed and did our 11 laps. All lanes were full, so we went into our usual lane eight, joining a woman swimming slowly. Then a young girl came in just to have a few splashes and kicks, which I guess made the woman leave.

Towards the final laps A hurt his shoulder, so he didn't do all 11 laps. I tried to see how far I could go without breathing, and made it to the end.

We got changed and then parted outside the pool and I walked home.

I bummed around on the net for a bit before going to the courts. I just wanted to shoot around. There were a few people there, and I kept count of how many there were, because you gotta know when a game is creeping up on you.

I tried to touch the backboard twice, and missed. I wasn't too worried, knowing that my hops were obviously gone but would come back.

Just as I knew it, a guy came over and asked me to play. When I was thinking about it, I told myself I would say no, but I instintively said yes. Ok, here we go.

We played a game of three on three. I told myself to just take everything easy, which I did. I had an easy assignment of guarding this skinny Asian guy, who seemed to enjoy more from watching than playing. Everytime there was a rebound, I was no part of it. They may have wondered why I never jumped. The first few moments, I quickly realised how much faster everything was than I had imagined. I wasn't sure I'd be able to keep up.

I lost my handles a few times and missed some jumpers, but by midway I was back to 50% of my post-inury pre-surgery self, being at least able to hit open jumpers.

I also did a lot more cutting, and trying to initiate pick and rolls, which I learnt from Steve Nash.

I saw Max come to the courts and shoot around by himself, although I was sure he was looking for a game. It made me think a bit - was his entire life revolved around basketball? I know mine was before my injury, but now that I've stepped away from the game a bit, I could see how tiring and routine that was. I guess I needed that break from the game.

When our game finished, Max came over to join. Everyone was probably a bit scared at first - this huge massive black guy who could dunk oh so easily. But the thing I learnt about Max today was that he actually has a lot of charm, being able to joke with the guys and with the skinny Asian dude whilst at the same time trying to push him.

But I could also remember a time seeinh him pissed off at the KGV courts.

As expected, he was too damn good for all of us. The guy on my team guarding him was around my height but bulkier than me, and he got pushed around so bloody easily. I like Max's move of driving and using his shoulder to bump away defenders, I might steal that when I'm back to normal.

I did manage a steal off him as he drove it, swiping it out of his hands. Felt pretty good about it cause...well I'm injured but I still got some of it. I found myself saying to myself something like "man, I used to be so good, you guys have no idea" but you know what? It doesn't matter. What matters is how you are now, and I think that's how Tracy McGrady feels. No one thinks about how good he used to be when gaurding him, they just know it'll be an easy assignment.

We played for a fairly long time before Lily crept into my mind and I wanted to go, so I suggested we play points and when we won, I quickly said my goodbyes and left.

I went home and saw that it was 2:20pm. I had a shower, got changed and left. I went to the bus stop near Malay's house but the bus didn't come, so I caught the next bus that came, and it ended up taking me to the city near my office. I got off there, caught another bus up the main road, it didn't turn to Newtown so I got off, waited for another bus, which went up some way towards Newtown but turned off (again).

I got off and made the call. She was working, and I booked for 4:30pm, hoping no one had seen her before me.

I walked to the shop and on the way bought two pieces of turkish delight from a cafe. I hadn't planned to get her anything because I didn't want to spoil her by having her expect something everytime now, but I saw it and thought it'd be a good idea.

I went into the shop, paid my money and went to the bathroom. The guy had looked at the clock as if to say I was early, which I conceded. He said "won't be long", and I wondered if I could see her now or if she could only come at 4:30pm or if she was seeing a client.

So I kept my ears open, listening for footsteps coming down the stairs and for the door to open. I heard footsteps a few times but no doors opened. But finally, I heard footsteps and the door open, with the guy saying goodbye.

A few moments later I was told Lily was ready. Guess that answers my question.

She smiled and walked up the stairs first, and I trailed silently behind her. When we reached the top I asked her how she was and she said good. We went into the room and I was disappointed at how small it was. She asked if I had pizza for her and I told her to close her eyes. She eagerly opened and closed her mouth, waiting for it. I put the turkish delight to her mouth and she bit on it, surprised by how chewy it was. She asked what it was and I told her. She kept chewing it, and I asked if she liked it. She said she liked the chocolate strawberries better, lol.

She went out to get the towels whilst I started taking off my shoes. I had gotten naked but she was still dressed. We sat there talking for a bit. I told he I had a bad week at work, and in the simplest way of explaining it, said people kept telling me I was wrong. Maybe it was a mistake to share that with her.

I invited her to feel my hair and she did, feeling how fuzzy it was. She said something about it being too short, but I couldn't understand her.

I had also told her I was tired because I had been swimming and played basketball, and she said exercise was good. I told her I'd have to slowly do more and more, but didn't expand about my knee and all that.

I said her badge was cute, and she gave it to me to have a look. It had #800 and her name in stickers on it, lol. For some reason she had laid back against the head of the bed, and I was wondering if she was trying to get through a session without the sex. I started kissing her knees which she said made her tickle. She tested me on the names of the fingers in Korean, which I passed. I then tested her and she forgot the index finger. I also asked her what my name was, and she remembered! I wasn't expecting that.

I kissed her some more on the legs because I felt a bit stupid sitting there naked. She then said shower, so we showered. I tried to scrub her on the shoulder but she said no, and I felt shunted a bit.

I laid on the bed on my tummy and she playfully got on top of me but after that it was just routine again as she started by kissing my back. She asked me to turn around after a while and gave head before getting on top of me. We then changed to having me on top and I fingered her a bit and was glad I was making her moan. I also went down on her but didn't seem to get much of a reaction. It was a bit hard because she wasn't propped up. We started having sex and at one point she said she made a sound when I sucked her nipple a bit hard, and she said she liked it soft.

We finished that way and she sat up as she had a cigarette. She had gotten me a drink, and said "sour" in Korean. I joked and said "shut up?"

She asked if it was hot outside and I joked and said no, it was cold. She said it would be 25 degrees tomorrow and I said no, it would be snowing. She then realised I was playing around and playfully slapped my chest. I taught her "degrees" and "temperature".

She had also broken her nail during our session, and I gave her my keyring which was also a nail clipper. She seemed amused and used it to cut her broken nail. She then checked my fingers, and I was wondering what was up. She checked my feet and I knew she was going to cut my toe nails. I quickly said "no no no no no" because 1) I knew that clipper was too wear for toe nails; and 2) I was a bit afraid she'd screw it up and cause me some pain.

She laughed, and then we talked about her toe nails. She had painted them half black and half white, with small studs glued down the middle of them. She joked they were diamonds.

When she finished her cigarette, she laid down next to me as I held her. I said I wanted to hear her snore, which made her laugh. She actually did fall asleep, as I heard her snore. At first it was kinda soft, but then it got louder. I wasn't 100% comfortable like that as I was conscious with my eyes closed. I kept thinking about how this meant it was hard for me to trust people. I finally did nearly fall asleep as I had that 'falling' sensation, which made me lose my right hand grip on her. She started patting me on the shoulder as if to say "everything's alright" and then started snoring again. I really really appreciated that, to me, that showed she cared.

After a long time the buzzer went and she said for me to get some more rest as she went to shower. I then had a shower after her and got changed. Even though I told her about ice skating and Korean bbq yesterday (I also added that I'd teach her ice skating one day when she said she had never tried, and she didn't reply), I felt there was a very visible absence of conversation as I got changed. She sat on the bed. I asked her what she wanted next time and she said chocolate strawberries. I asked her how many and she said "many many".

We walked down the stairs, and towards the bottom she patted my shoulder from behind as if to say goodbye. When I got to the bottom I turned back around to smile and she smiled back.

As soon as I stepped out of that place, the void depicting my loneliness came rushing back. Not only did I feel lonely, I now felt depressed. I felt that I had found out today that she doesn't really like me...at least not in the way Naby did. I did try for a kiss during sex today but she seemed to avoid it.

I got really, really down and depressed as I walked to the bus stop.

I went to Broadway wanting to watch The Social Network. I got there at 6pm and the movie started at 6:50pm. I wanted to eat something but nothing in the foodcourt appealed to me, so I just sat down at one of the tables, staring into blank space and thinking.

I realised that moments earlier I had just been thinking very negatively, and that the way I thought could really affect my mood, my outlook and how I behaved. I think I may have been a bit depressed during the session, and she may have picked up on it.

But I also thought I was being way too negative in interpreting some of the things that had happened or didn't happen, and construing it in a way to mean that she didn't like me. For instance, her not wanting me to scrub her was really the same as me telling her not to cut my toe nails - it didn't mean I didn't like her, it just meant I didn't want her to cut my toe nails.

And then she didn't want to kiss - maybe she had done something with the guy before and didn't want to pass it onto me? Wouldn't that be a much more positive way of seeing it? I mean, she has kissed you in the past. Also, she offered to cut your toe nails, so she obviously doesn't dislike you.

Sometimes you can get very paranoid.

But anyway, the good thing about today was that it had taken my mind and priorty off Wendy, otherwise I might screw things up with her.

I went to buy the tickets and like last time, they decided to sit me next to a stranger. He was a bit too comfortable, bumping my arm on the arm rest and then at the end of the movie I realised he had taken off his shoes.

I thought the movie was pretty good, it was the type where you get so into it that you lose track of time. And even more, after it finished, it sank in some more to make you appreciate it even more. Great movie. It made me realise how many more competitive people there were out there, and also how I shoud try really hard to invent something.