Fuck up

I have such a headache right now, and I feel like I need to crawl into a corner and die.

I discovered today in one of my hearings that I fucked up. It was done after the P case, like eight days after, and in hindsight at least, I should've let Alanna and the above know, but nope, I went ahead and did it.

I spoke to Alanna and she helped me draft the email which I then sent to Wendy A. She replied to a later one I sent, but no reply to this one. Just before sending the email, I told myself I'd rather be Steve Tucker right now.

As soon as I sent it, I felt that huge shitty feeling inside me. I was distracted. It put me off course. I couldn't focus on any other work for the rest of the day. I went to Alanna to talk about it, and she was pretty nice about it, even saying sorry, and I told her not to be since it wasn't her fault. But at the same time, she's not really involved so it's easy for her to say.

When I asked her for help via email, there was a while before a response. Part of me, the paranoid me, felt like she had abandoned me, that I had now become a bother. But maybe that was just me.

I left work before 5:30pm, which was pretty early for my standards, and went to JB to get a Simpsons DVD for my mum.

Really feeling like shit right now. Part of me is saying "I knew you'd fuck up one day in this job". I just remember at the time, the case didn't seem that important, so I disregarded it. But to my defense, at the time we had no instructions as to how to proceed.

Ah, this is such not a good feeling.