Maybe I just want to prove a point...

Sometimes I wonder if I really love her, or if I just can't hack being dumped. It seems like I see things in life as win or lose, and being the competitor that I am, I can't bear losing in this. I must do whatever it takes to win, or at the very least, give it my best go.

So in that context, you might understand why last night at 10:08pm I sent her a message saying "I want to marry you".

At 1:30am she sent six messages, basically saying I said I love her but I think of myself first.

So that's her concern...

At 2pm she sent further messages saying she was tired from the day and was going to sleep. I guess she was waiting for me to receive those messages and call.

I did manage to wake myself up 45 minutes later and called her, but she didn't pick up. I then sent her messages asking her if we could meet up as I feared translation errors.

At about 12:30pm today, those messages were read, and she sent me a game invite.

At 3pm I could no longer hold it. I just couldn't bear this accusation that I was selfish - maybe because it was true? Maybe because it's an accusation that's been levelled against you in the past by your mother?

So I sent her a string of messages:

Jin

I don't know why you think I am selfish

everything I have done is for you

I waited for you to come back from Korea last year

when I buy presents I think of you

when I take you to places I think of you

I have thought very hard how to help you

every night before I sleep I think of you

now I am prepared to marry you

it hurts me that you think I am selfish

I have you in my future plans

if you do not want to be with me

I will not bother you anymore

At 3:53pm she sent two messages saying "interpretation also devastated".

I said we need to talk in person, to meet, and she said ok. I asked when she could meet and she said not yet, that she needed time to think. I said ok, I understand and she said ok/

I don't know why, but I feel better now with her thinking about it than her previous decision to just break up. I am pretty sure when a girl wants time to think, she things aren't good. I can't envisage a situation where they have gone off to think and come back wanting to continue the relationship.

I guess if she comes back with a negative answer, I should be blessed that I don't have to go through this marriage and save myself a lot of money.

I guess what my main grief now is, that she appears to have made up her mind through hearing things her friend (most probably Mimi) has said. Why do I think that? Because I thought things ended pretty well on Thursday night, not because of the sex, but because she sent me a message saying sleep well. It showed she still cared. But over the next couple of days, I reckon Mimi said things to her. I can't hack things ending just because of a malicious friend.

End Erica

I woke up today at 7am to see three SMS messages from Erica, sent at 2:06am.

"I think"

"We break up"

"Bye.....sorry..."

I called and there was no answer, then sent her a SMS "call me".

I got ready for basketball, even though I thought about not going, or faking an injury so I could just sit out. But I reminded myself that it would be good to distract myself.

We played On Heat, and to my surprise we did better than I thought we would. We had the lead a few times and only lost in the last five minutes when we couldn't shut down their threes. I sat out like the last 15 minutes of the second half, part of me wanting everyone to see how bad One's defence was.

I called library guy and he didn't answer. He called me back when I got home. I asked him about the visa issue, and he said he needed to know the exact type of visa Erica had. I wondered if he figured out I was seeing a prostitute. It seems that "Korean girl" and "visa" automatically implies as much.

To be honest, part of felt a sense of freedom. I immediately thought about how I'd recover from this financially, and how I could save up some money now. Maybe I could save up enough to go to the bar now, or buy a property and be ready for the next girl. After all, there are plenty of Korean girls who are looking for a visa, right?

Despite this, I still tried to get Erica back. I sent the following messages on Kakaotalk:

15:15 - Jin Jin

My friend is immigration lawyer

he can help us

but he needs to know what type of holiday visa you are on?

16:52 - we can solve problem

please do not give up

I don't want to lose you

19:00 - please call me tonight

I will wait for your call

if you do not call

I will stop bothering you

but I want you to know

I love you

19:17 - she sent me a game invite.

20:39 - and you will always be in my heart

Earlier in the day, her status in Korean appeared to translate to "it's my decision?" or "it's not my decision is it?"

But now she's changed her profile picture to a photo of the sea side she took while with me, and her status apparently translates to something like "I don't need you" or "I don't need unloyal guys like you".

Guess if she doesn't call tonight then it's all over.

Sex with Erica on a park bench

So on Thursday after work I went home to get the car. Just after I got off the bus I called the shop and asked if Erica was working tonight, the guy said yes and already knew I was the one who made the three hour outcall booking. I asked if it was $900 and he said yes.

I got the car and drove back out to the city, feeling a little bit nervous. I got to the shop, went in and paid the $900. The guy asked me where I was taking her, and I (stupidly) said just dinner. He asked if I needed any condoms, pointing to a bowl full of them, and I (stupidly) said no. I mean, if you really wanted to hide the true nature of your relationship, you did a really bad job.

He also asked me for ID so he could photocopy it, saying it was a requirement for all outcalls. I gave him a "are you serious" look and he said I was a regular so he'll let me go.

He showed me to the waiting room where I waited about five minutes, flicking through the same old magazines. Erica then opened the door and started walking me out. I turned around to wave goodbye to the guy, and he said to me I could return by 9:10pm. I thanked him and walked out with Erica.

I noticed she was wearing a blue dress with a 'Peter Pan' collar which Mel mentioned once. It was kinda cute, and I told her I liked it. We walked to my car which was parked just across the road. She asked if we were walking and I jokingly said yes we could walk instead.

One of the first things she noticed and said was that I was a little bit unshaven, and she said she didn't like it. I didn't think it was too much, but obviously she noticed it.

I drove us to the casino area, and said we'd have to walk a little bit because there was no parking where the restaurant was. During the drive she mentioned me being unshaven again, but otherwise we just made some general talk which went fairly well and got a few laughs. She said she started work at 12pm and had now changed her name to Bella. I asked why, and she gave me an explanation but I couldn't understand it.

After I parked, I got out my credit card to pay for the parking. She took a look at it as I waited for the ticket, and tried to pronounce my name. I told her it was my Chinese name and she kept trying to pronounce it.

We then walked to the little Japanese restaurant. She pointed to the casino and said she liked it. I was thinking about telling her I owned shares in it but thought the better of it. I asked her where her necklace was as I noticed she wasn't wearing it. She said it caused a rash so she took it off.

God I'm just full of boyfriend fails.

I asked her where it was and she said she keeps it at home and she looks at it.

Fortunately the guy working at the restaurant was Korean, so Erica could communicate with him easily. She asked me what to order and I half joked she could choose because she was paying. She ended up choosing some sashimi and I chose a bento box and a lemonade. She didn't get a drink which was kinda surprising. We joked around as usual and I even took some pictures of us together, with one where I'm kissing her on the cheek.

When the food came she started to raise the topic of her visa and I said we could talk later when we go for a walk, and she immediately understood what I meant. We shared our food, sometimes feeding each other using our chopsticks. She put a lot of wasabi in her soy sauce and sometimes held her nose. She tried doing it to me but when I ate it I didn't really feel anything. She also took a sip of my lemonade at times.

She showed me some photos on her phone, and one was of her showing her body in lingerie. It didn't show her face, and I wondered if it was for the shop. She asked if it was sexy and I said yes. She showed me other photos as well, like one she took of some 'fake' cars at World Square (advertising for Coles insurance) and of her in Korea.

We spent about 45 minutes at the restaurant, and after we finished eating I suggested we leave, being conscious of the time. I paid for the meal and we left. We walked to the wharf opposite the casino, holding hands. She showed me a way of draping my arm across her shoulder, and said that's how Korean men do it. I also carried her on my back for a bit, running, which made her laugh until she asked me to let her down.

I said we could go for a swim and she said no. I joked that if she didn't, I would tell the shop, and she laughed.

We sat down on one of those benches right in front of the water, with our legs on either side of it and facing each other. It was perfect, just like how it would go in my imagination - the weather wasn't cold, and it wasn't windy.

We held hands and started talking. It's hard to remember everything that went down, but I told her I loved her. I said I don't talk about my feelings much, but I did love her. I (stupidly?) asked if she loved me and she said love and like are different, and that she liked me, although later on she did say she loved me.

I said my plan was for her to go back to Korea to rest for a few months and then come back on another holiday visa, then we could live together and after 12 months she could apply for a de facto visa. However, she wanted to stay now. She didn't want to go back. She talked about student visa being too expensive and asked me the difference between marriage visa and de facto visa. She asked me why I didn't want to marry her. I said because I know she will go back to Korea eventually and it will leave me a divorced man, which is not good for me. I also said to me, marriage is something for a lifetime. She said de facto would mean we live together without marriage, and in Korea this was like "having fun" which was not allowed.

I asked her what she wanted to do and she said she didn't know. I said I'd choose for her, and it would be that she returns to Korea for a few months before coming back. She said it was difficult to get a second visa and said something about no student visa. She asked me if I was prepared to buy a house. I can't remember my response, but it was non-committing.

We talked for such a long time, I was actually kinda thinking "god, so this must be what guys complain about when having girlfriends". It just seemed like no matter what I said, there was always a problem.

She had to change her phone battery because it ran out, and she made a call. I walked away because I was kinda tired, and when she finished she called me back. We resumed our earlier position for a bit, before she said she didn't want to talk about it anymore. I said she didn't have to choose now as there were two more months left. We got up and started walking back, when she told me she had spoken to her manager and had taken the rest of the night off, saying she was tired. I made an exagerrated reaction, saying she could've called in sick in the first place instead of having me pay $900. She used her app and showed me the word "scrimp".

I joked about going to her shop to see girls and asked her what girls I should see. She said one girl's name and then also said Candy. Then she got angry and said we were finished. I had to chase her a bit and hold her still to say I was joking, and she said she didn't like these jokes, so I said I wouldn't joke about it anymore.

She said we'd meet up with her friend Mimi, the one we met last time, for dinner in the city and to translate our visa conversation. I asked where in the city and she said the poker machine place we were at last time.

I drove to the car park in the city and parked. When I got out, she said I forgot my glasses, until I patted my jacket pocket to show it was inside.

We walked along the street as she talked on the phone, and then led me to the same Korean restaurant we were at last time. She asked me what I wanted and I pointed to the pancake. She then told me that if I ordered that, then the rice wine would be full price, but if we ordered a main, the rice wine would be half price, so we ordered a main, which was like beef slices to be wrapped in some sort of purple vegetable.

Mimi arrived shortly after we ordered, and so the translations began. There was a lot of talking between them, and so I definitely wasn't getting the whole translation. Mimi said she did not understand how I could not know how to help Erica stay. I asked her I would help if I knew how, and asked her what ways she knew. She said she didn't know, but that every other citizen knows. WTF indeed.

She also said it seemed like I didn't plan for this. I said Erica first told me that she was leaving in November, then June, and now recently she told me it was April. She translated this back to Erica but there was nothing in response.

Erica asked if I could pay for her student visa, and I said no because it could make me lose my job. She also at one point suggested she could stay here illegally and I said no. She had Mimi translate for her to say that I put my job number one, and I think she wanted to say I was selfish.

I wasn't that hungry, so ate kinda slowly, and they weren't in any rush either, drinking wine more than eating. Erica then said she didn't want to talk about the visa anymore. I wondered if this somehow meant we were over, but she would still sometimes look at me affectionately, or hold my hand, or place her hand on my knee. So that was a good sign.

They started talking lots in Korean without translating anything to me, so I started playing games on my phone. At one stage it froze and I showed Erica, and like some sort of parent to a child, she pressed the exit button for me, lol.

I left for a bit to move my car, saying I didn't want it to be locked in because it was getting late. Erica asked Mimi "really?" and I left. I moved my car closer to the restaurant, and then shortly after they decided to go to karaoke. I knew it was late and I had work tomorrow, but I tagged along anyway. I was kinda tired, but I also wanted to spend time with Erica. She asked me if one hour was ok, and I said one hour means two hours and they both laughed.

We went to a convenience store where she had me pay for her pack of cigarettes. Then we had to stay inside because her manager was around, and Mimi went out to check. When we went out, we met Erica's friend, Julie, on the street with her boyfriend. Not sure if this was pre-organised. But we ended up going to karaoke together.

I thought Julie was quite attractive at first, but then realised she had some sort of scar on her right face. And this was seen with make up on, so not sure how she looks without make up. She was extremely drunk and had to be held up by her boyfriend. I assumed she worked at the same shop. Her boyfriend was Antoine, an Asian guy, ugly bastard with a sleazy look, as his shirt was wide open. Erica approached him a bit and made fun of his shirt, trying to button it back up. Julie came up and spoke to me and said Erica had talked about me and shown her my photo.

We staggered toward the Mizuya, only to find out it was closed. We also realised that Mimi had left us. Last I saw she was on the phone as we walked toward Mizuya. Erica called her and turns out that Mimi had gone home. My guess is maybe she felt like the odd one out with two couples.

For the first few moments I couldn't get a grasp of how unreal this was. Here I was with some ugly guy and two prostitutes. It sure put a different spin on the envy I used to feel when I saw guys with hot girls in the city. I spoke to Antoine a bit and he said he told Julie he was a business consultant which she didn't understand. Julie seemed to keep grabbing me and trying to talk to me.

We made our way to another karaoke place at the Capitol. I asked Erica if she had ID and she said no. But when we got there, she discreetly showed the security some form of ID. We went to the reception desk where Antoine paid for two hours. I just stood there, wondering if I should chip in, but another part of me said to try to milk this shit as far as I could, as I had already spent enough money. I didn't owe this guy anything and would most probably never see him again anyway.

When we made our way to the room, we went in and then I left to move my car. I still couldn't believe how unreal this all was. A part of me wondered if this would turn into some sex orgy inside the karaoke room. But things were far from it - for Erica and I at least.

When I got back I saw Antoine singing by himself. I gave him $20, and at first he refused but I insisted. He said the girls were outside smoking, and we chatted a bit. Then the girls came back and Antoine did most of the singing. Erica kept asking for Korean songs and Antoine said there weren't any. We found some later on with the help of the staff, and Erica wanted to sing a song with me. I tried to find a song but couldn't work the remote properly, so ended up choosing like five songs from some band called Sacramento, lol.

Julie was all over Antoine, and had to be called out by Erica a lot when things started getting umm...'nasty'. I guess this showed that Erica was quite a conservative girl. Maybe she just did not want to see her friend being taken advantage of, even though it was clear Julie was making her move on Antoine and not vice versa.

We played that dice game where you have to see if the other person is bluffing or telling the truth. I taught Erica how to play, though she kept asking me what to do when it was her turn.

After that Antoine selected a song called Erica for me, which was in Chinese but I just sang out the English bits which made Erica laugh. Then Erica and I sang a song together - actually it was just her singing the Korean, but she gave me the mic when the English came on, lol.

She ordered some food which I paid for, and we shared the chicken wings, sometimes feeding each other with it. Julie wanted more beer, so she ordered some, and I was about to pay for it, when Erica stopped me, and Antoine paid for it. I liked that.

We would kiss from time to time.

I was getting pretty tired, and wondered when the hell I was going to get some sleep. I kept telling myself it was ok:

It's alright, you can do with five hours sleep.

It'll be ok, you can get to work with four hours sleep...

Even three hours...

Finally Erica and I left, leaving Julie and Antoine there. When we walked to my car, she said Korean men open the door for women, opening the door as if to demonstrate for me. I understood, and opened it for her. She seemed so eager that she quickly jumped in, not seeing my bottle of Lipton Ice Tea that I had bought earlier to break up my notes so I could give $20 to Antoine. I laughed at her, because it was too cute.

During the drive, she said I was a good driver, and I said I knew. When we passed KFC, I said she has to buy me KFC next time. She looked at me and silently shook her head. I wondered if she meant there would be no next time.

When we got to her apartment, I wondered if she would just get out and leave. But clearly she didn't want to. She stayed. She said this was the last time we'd see each other. I said no, and asked why. I told her I loved her. She went back to the visa issue, and now was asking me to pay $9000 to marry her. I thought maybe she meant $90,000 and asked again and again if she meant $9000 and she said yes. So I said yes. But she didn't say anything.

I asked why we couldn't see each other until April, and she didn't have a reason.

We saw Antoine walk past, and she deliberately turned her head around to hide. She said "I know".

Even though she was saying she didn't want to meet again, her body language didn't show it, so I just switched the engine off. I started crying, and she immediately changed her tone, telling me not to cry and wiping away my tears. I really could not bear the thought of this being the last time of seeing her.

We talked some more and I thought it seemed like I had maybe convinced her that this wouldn't be the last time, so I moved my car up closer to her entrance to drop her off, but we kept talking. Then she started kissing me very passionately, and we made out like that. I would've enjoyed it had I not been wondering if she was just doing this because she wanted this to be a finale. I managed to slip my hand into her dress through her arm pit area, feeling her breasts to no protest.

She started rubbing the back of my head and caressing my chest, slipping her hand into my shirt. She even draped one leg across the gear shift. I wondered what the hell she wanted to do, and felt very self conscious as our windows were open. We made out for a long time. I asked her if she could spend the night with me, thinking I could just rent a motel room for the night which would mean more sleep anyway, but she said no.

I asked a few times and she said no. We kept making out and I finally suggested going somewhere else. She said ok, but only for half an hour. I quickly drove off, and she said to slow down, lol.

I took us to that park area near the casino, and parked where no other cars were. She asked "now what?" and I wanted to suggest going into the back seat, but she pointed out so I figured she wanted to walk. She sat down on the bench, so I sat next to her. We started kissing again, with the same degree of intensity and passion.

Now she was rubbing my pants, and I managed to get my hands inside her dress again, now rubbing her nipple inside her bra. She eventually straddled me and we kept kissing. I wondered how far this would go.

She started undoing my pants and undid the zipper. I thought that was enough but she wanted to undo the whole thing. I started helping her but she said she wanted to do it herself, until she couldn't, so I did it. Now my dick was out but we heard some people walking by. We stopped, and she watched them walk by.

Then she continued kissing me. I felt her pussy through her stockings, and she then raised herself up. She asked if I had a condom and I said no. She asked if I was clean, I said yes and I asked her, and she said "everyday clean". Then I felt her slide down on me. It felt so good. I said I loved her and kept saying "shit it feels good". She went up and down, and sometimes I would thrust up which caused her to stop moving. We were kissing as this was all happening.

I asked her where to cum and she didn't say anything. Finally I couldn't hold it and came inside her. I wondered two things - whether she had any STD and whether she would get pregnant. To be honest I wouldn't so much mind the latter, as I really want a child. I just hope she would tell me and have the kid.

She asked if I came and I said yes. We kept kissing more until she finally got off me. I did my pants up and we made our way to the passenger side of the car where we kissed more. She leaned against the car and I pressed her against it, kissing. I started saying stuff, like how she was special and how she had to be different to other girls. She said shut up and kept kissing me. She said my dick "went to sleep". I think she wanted to go again, but I was too tired. And to be honest, I kinda just wanted to go home now, knowing I had work tomorrow and an important meeting with the Director.

We kissed for a long time, until finally we broke it off and she got in the car. I was careful to drive slowly back to her place, not wanting her to think I was in a rush to dump her off after getting the sex. When we got there, we talked and kissed some more. I said this was goodnight, not goodbye, not really sure if she felt the same way.

I watched as she walked back and even drove up to her entrance to see her off.

I then drove home. I changed into my pajamas, and saw there was a lot of wet stuff on my underwear, making me wonder if I came inside her or even had unprotected sex. Maybe she somehow rode me with my underwear on and I didn't know it? Nah, I was sure I felt her.

I went to bed at 3:30am, setting my alarm to 7am. When I woke up, I saw she had sent me a SMS at 4am in Korean, which translated to "sleep well", so I take it that wasn't the finale.

She wants to talk...

She called me at 2:30am today.

I was sleeping but managed to call her back. I said I missed her, and she didn't say anything back at first, but then she said "I missing you". I asked if she had finished work, and she said yes, that she was very tired. I asked if she was drinking, assuming this was another drunk call, and she said sleep long time, then drink.

I asked if she knew about easter and she didn't know what it was.

She said she was going back to Korea in April.

Huh???

I said I thought her visa ended in June and she'd be going back in June. She tried to explain it in Korean but I couldn't understand. I asked if she was coming back and she said no. I asked if she wanted to stay here and she said maybe.

She asked me if I was working tomorrow (today) and I said yes. She asked me what time I finish work tomorrow (today), and I said 5pm. She asked me to see her in the shop tomorrow. I asked if her manager would be there because I didn't want to be recognised. She said manager is there everyday, but starts work at 8pm.

She asked me to book for three hours so we could talk outside. I assumed she meant standing outside the shop to talk, but she said we could go to dinner. She said a few times she wanted to talk a long time.

I felt like crying, because it was just so unexpected. I know it's only a two month difference, but it seems like a huge change when I was expecting her to leave in June. April is really only two months away.

I said I was sad and she asked if I was crying.

I think she said bye and the phone went silent a long time, so I hung up. She called me back and said something like "kiss" so I made a kissy sound, and she said bye and laughed.

I checked Kakaotalk and saw that after my message saying goodnight with a dog emoticion going to bed, she sent one of the dog reaching out and crying.

I didn't get much sleep after that.

And so, Supreme Court bail here I come.

The decision to help Erica...

So since Friday morning, all of Saturday and all of today I have been thinking about Erica. Specifically about her asking me for a visa.

Yesterday I caught a bus out to work and finished off a minute, and today we had our first Kainan game in the new Sunday season. To my surprise we won by about 12 points. Alex had a monster game. For me, it was kinda dull. Maybe it was because Erica was on my mind. Or maybe it was because I'm just getting old and am a veteran just trying to go through the motions.

I scored three points, on a jumper and a free throw when they fouled me in the last minute. I actually had four free throws, and missed three of them. One of them rested on the ring for so long it had the crowd go "ooo".

Anyway, back to Erica. I think I've decided to help her. First, I'll go through the reasons not to help her:

1. I fear she may not truly like me and is just using me for a visa to stay here.

2. I am 30 now. If I spend my next year or two with her, I'll be 32. Things will probably be over, and then I'll have to start again. Not a good prospect when I want to start a family. Now is the time to be looking.

3. I don't want to live with a prostitute who comes home at 2am everyday.

4. I would like to stay home till my cats pass away.

They seem like pretty strong reasons. So why then, should I help her?

1. It ultimately comes down to whether I think she is using me or not. In asking this, I ask myself, are feelings involved on her part? It's hard to resist any answer other than 'yes'. I keep coming back to that birthday night when she got drunk and went bat shit crazy. That wasn't an act. That was true, raw (albeit nasty) emotions involved. I have gotten her emotionally attached. She may not love me, but she likes me.

I also think a lot about how we slept that night. Could she really have faked that whole night? I read that your sleeping position cannot be faked. Sleeping is when we are at our most vulnerable and honest. If she faked it, does that mean she was awake that whole night, holding me? Could you really lay there wide awake the whole night holding someone you don't like? If she was asleep, then I give great weight to her body language. We held each other for the whole night. When I turned around, she held onto me.

2. I have been single for too long. I need to present a more 'stable' impression of myself for work, and other people.

The only caveat I should put is my current emotional state. We haven't texted each other since Friday morning, except for her game invite, my photos, and I sent her a game invite earlier tonight, which she has read. I feel like she's "ignoring" me, because I've pulled away from the visa thing, that maybe she feels this is the end. However, that's just how I felt yesterday, and I shouldn't be imposing my feelings onto her. It's possible that I'm doing this out of insecurity.

So that's it really, the strongest reason I have for doing this is because I believe she truly likes me.

So now, for the practical aspects of it. How does it work?

I won't marry her. I still consider marriage to be sacred and something that can never be broken, so I will not marry her. I know this will end in a year or two. But I will be her de facto to support her for her visa application. The thing is, you have to have been in a de facto relationship (ie. live together) for 12 months prior. Given that she leaves in June, this will be a bit hard.

In any case, I have decided to help.

Sleeping with Erica

On Thursday at work, I was pondering as to whether I should book a hotel room or not. I kept thinking about how she seemed to blame me last time for not making any plans after dinner, and how she said she wanted to sleep with me (even though I understood it to mean literally 'sleeping' with me, no sex).

At lunch, I went to a jewellery store and bought a chain with a heart pendant.

In the afternoon, I finally did it. Instead of booking for Thursday, Friday and Saturday night like I had envisaged/fantasised, I booked for Thursday night only, figuring it could be easy to extend if required.

I eagerly waited till 6pm for her to call. She sent me a message saying she'd be late, and asked about 9pm.

9PM?!?!?!?!?!?

I sent back a message "9pm?" with a sad face. Then I didn't hear from her until about 7:30pm. I had gone for a walk because I didn't want to stay in the office. I walked to the hotel I had booked and realised it was quite far away in the city. I had sat down to play some games on my phone when she messaged me. She said she'd be late, then asked about 11pm, then said something about seeing me tomorrow.

Needless to say, I got pissed off. I said "I paid for hotel tonight..."

She replied "no" and "hotel? no".

I said "I already paid..." and "and bought present"

She said in Korean, sleep over she does not do, then sighed, and said she'd call me later.

I was pissed. I had starved until now, and she had the audacity to even suggest meeting tomorrow. I thought this was just great - fighting on Valentine's Day. What the hell was she doing anyway? One of her messages said something about dinner. Was she having dinner with friends? Or was she out with another guy?

I didn't reply to her messages and went to eat Macca's. It was about 8pm when she called. I was eating and didn't want to answer anyway. She rang twice and then SMS'd me asking me to call her.

I thought about just going home and forgetting about the whole thing. But then part of me didn't want to blow this up. This was also my thought when I had those fights with Bo. So after I finished eating, I called her back, and after some problems with our phones, I finally got to speak to her.

Almost angrily, I asked "where are you?" and she didn't seem to understand at first. She said she was in the city and I said I was in the city. I repeated "where are you?" with more urgency, and she shouted back "hair!" which I took to mean she was having her hair done. I said to call me in an hour and we hung up.

I went back to my office and waited until 9pm. At 9:10pm I decided to just go home. I had to go out to Campbelltown the next day for work anyway, so I took the suitcase out of the office and started walking to my bus stop, when she called. She asked me where I was and I said city. She asked me where to meet and I said her place. She sounded reluctant and wanted to suggest elsewhere but didn't know how to say it. I asked if she was home, and she didn't answer, but I heard some girl in the background and her speaking in Korean.

Finally she agreed to meet at her place. I went back to the office to put the suitcase back and then went looking for her. She called me asking me where I was, and I said I was walking there now. She said she was at Hungry Jacks.

I found her at Hungry Jacks and she was on the phone. She gestured for me to walk. Sometimes when I would walk with her, she hushed me to walk in front of her. I wondered if she was talking to a guy. It's not like I could understand what she was saying anyway.

We made it to the part of the road across from KFC when she finally hung up. She said her manager had seen her with me on Monday. I asked if she got in trouble and she said no, but she said that's why we can't be seen together. She kept hushing for me to walk ahead of her. I decided to avoid this goddamn main street but it seemed like there were just so many people no matter where we went. It was like I had a mind blank where I couldn't think of anywhere else to go other than the bloody main street.

I finally went downstairs to Town Hall and then back up to QVB, with some complaints from her about stairs and walking.

I asked if she wanted to see the hotel and she said yes. We took a taxi there, and we held hands in the back seat. I noticed she was wearing jeans with large holes in them. Her white shirt also had holes and had one shoulder exposed.

We got off in front of the hotel, and we began walking in when I asked her if she wanted to, and she said no, so we turned around. I asked again and said we could just have a look. I said we could just talk and she agreed. So I checked in and we went up to level 16 and found the room.

It was nice, but the view wasn't that great. She sat down on the chair and I gave her the chain. She studied the card I had written for her, which was just "To: Ericaaaaaa, From: [insert name here]". Then she opened it and said she liked it as she looked at it. I took it from her and offered to put it on, standing behind her and fitting it on as she held her hair up.

I said a few times that this room was expensive ($450) and she asked how much. I didn't say, and she said when her manager saw us on Monday, she told her manager I was a customer, which meant she had to fork out $2000. I suddenly felt so much guilt - after being angry at her for her tardiness, she had to incur such a loss for me. And she didn't even ask me for the money. I kissed her on the lips.

She said she was hungry. I thought she said she couldn't eat today, but I figured what she meant was she hadn't eaten all day. So I said we could go get something to eat. She asked if we were coming back, and I said yes. She said she didn't want to come back. I said fine then. As we walked towards the lifts, she said we could sleep afterwards, but only sleep. I said ok, figuring maybe I was getting one step closer.

We went out and she wanted a Korean restaurant because she wanted soju. I said there were no Korean restaurants around here and decided to take her to Pancakes on the Rocks. We started walking and she started complaining about walking. She said in Korea she didn't walk. I asked her how she got around. She said car and I asked if she drove. She said no, but she had many guys. I laughed.

She asked me where her flowers were because it was Valentine's Day. I said she didn't like flowers because they died. I said if I buy flowers, they die. If I buy her chocolate, she gets fat. She started laughing. If I buy her pendant, she wants chain. If I buy her handbag, she says it's too small. I noticed she stopped laughing and was about to take me up on that last point but didn't. I continued, saying if I bought her the world she would want the moon. If I bought her a BMW she would want a Mercedes. She said she liked Audi and I said I did too.

She asked me where I was taking her and I said just a few minutes as we kept walking. At one point she punched me very hard on the left arm.

I thought maybe we had walked past it, because I didn't remember it being this far. I started looking backwards, and she teased me "first time?" and I said no. I finally found it, and when I saw that there was a line, I was disappointed. However, I think she was impressed because it meant it was good. She looked at the menu that the couple in front of us were holding. I asked if she wanted to wait or go somewhere else, and she said we could stay.

Sometimes we'd joke and I'd pretend to hit her face, and she said something about how in Korea you could never touch a woman's face, and she got pretty pissed when I tried to do it the next few times. I joked that she would pay for this meal, and she said "dutch", which I was impressed with.

When we got closer to the front of the line, she checked out the menu and said she wanted the pork ribs. I said I'd get the beef ribs. She asked if I had eaten. I lied and said no as I was waiting for her.

She wanted the booth and so I asked and had to wait a bit longer for that. When we got it we sat down and started looking at the menu again. She said she also wanted a chicken caesar salad. So we ordered that and two beers.

We waited a long time for our food, but talked as we waited. I started rolling my sleeves up, and when I had done my right one, she offered to do my left, being very very careful as she folded it back. I then jokingly offered to do hers, even though it was basically a sleeveless shirt. She said I was crazy.

She said some customers used the drug ice and offered it to her, and she said they were crazy. She asked if I was a lawyer for drugs, and I said yes, then showed her the translation for "prosecutor". She nodded to show she understood.

I asked her what she was doing last Valentine's Day and she said she was with her boyfriend. I asked if she was sad they broke up and she said no. I asked if he was sad and couldn't really understand her answer. She tried to explain why they broke up but I couldn't understand. She asked me why and I didn't answer.

I asked her where my Valentine's Day present was. She said she would give it to me on something day. I couldn't understand what. She said it was in March. When I got home, I looked it up and apparently there is a day called White Day where women give presents to men.

We talked about me learning Korean, and she made fun of me saying I learnt only the basics, and said "my name is" in Korean, and said even she knew that.

She said her visa was expiring in March and waited for me to react before laughing (I didn't really react), then she said her visa was expiring in June, and put her hands out to ask "visa". I slapped her hands. She said she didn't want to get the student visa because it was too expensive. She asked if I was a permanent resident and I said I was a citizen. She said she wanted to stay here to work, but if she had to go back, she might keep working in this field for another year and then work with her sister's shop doing make up I think it was.

She said she would send money back to her parents. She asked if I would be going back to Hong Kong permanently, and I said no, I am going to stay here.

She asked me if I made a lot of money and I said maybe. She said she made a lot of money.

She said she loved me but as she said it, a waiter walked past with some food which immediately caught her attention as she was hungry, and I made fun of her because it seemed not genuine.

The food came and we started eating. I cut off a piece of my beef and fed it to her which she ate. She did the same in return with her pork, and as the night went on, we did that a few more times and would sometimes just cut it up and put it on the other's plate. She said she didn't like the pork as much as the beef, so I gave her some more. Sometimes she'd just take it from my plate. She offered me her wedges, which she didn't eat much. The chicken caesar salad was really good.

We ate so much food, and she went through a few beers, and at the end she asked me where the toilet was and I said downstairs. The bill came and I paid for it, it was only $90 anyway. We went to the till together, and I said let's go. She stood there, and I wondered what she wanted. She waited for the change and took it. I said I wanted to leave a tip, she said not in Australia, but you can leave tips in Korea and America.

She kept the $2 coin and gave me the 20 cent coins back. Weird.

We started walking back and she took out her cigarettes, slowing down to light it up. I decided I wasn't going to always pander her so I just kept walking. After a while she still hadn't caught up, and so I turned around and she was nowhere to be seen. I started walking back to find her, and she finally came out from behind a car, lol.

We held hands a bit until she stopped to look at the water. I asked if she wanted a closer look and she said no. I asked what she was thinking and she didn't say.

We made our way back to the hotel, and immediately she got into bed and asked me to turn out the lights. I did, and then got into bed. At first there was a bit of space in between us, but then we ended up holding each other.

I thought it'd be hard to sleep, but I eventually fell asleep. I would wake up occasionally throughout the night, being conscious as to how our bodies were. Sometimes I would hold her tight, sometimes our legs would intertwine. Sometimes I had my legs over hers. At one point I turned to face the other way and she held me like I had held her, draping her leg over me. Sometimes we held hands with our fingers intertwined.

As the night went on I got a bit more daring, cupping her breast, and she didn't complain. I remember some movement woke me up, and I mumbled "Erica" and she said "mm?" and I said "I like you" and she said "I know". I said it again later on and she didn't say anything.

Also, it got kinda hot at one stage, and I didn't want to get all sweaty, so I took my shirt off and threw it onto the chair. She felt my arms as we returned to holding each other.

In the morning I heard her alarm, and then shortly after my alarm went off. I got out of bed, used the bathroom and got dressed. I said I had to go to work and she woke up as well. We left and caught a taxi back. I said she'd get off first and she understood. We held hands, almost in silence as she was dropped off. I got dropped off closer to my office and got ready for work.

It kinda felt like a dream, like I needed to ask myself if that had just happened. But I was pretty sure it did.

Other than a game invite she sent a few hours later, and me sending her the photos from the night, we haven't had any contact.

I wonder now, is this a good time to end things?

Crazy Erica birthday

So yesterday I drove out to the city to pick Erica up. She had called, and then messaged me asking me where I was. I called her back after I parked telling her to go to the sushi shop. I waited a while and then decided to drive to her door front, and then saw her coming out. It surprised me a bit, because she was wearing these big sunglasses and her hair was a gold/orange colour. Looked very different to the last time we went out together, not in a bad way.

I drove to the car park near the Quay and she asked why we were parking. I told her we had to go by boat and asked if she would get sea sick and she said yes, so we joked about that for a bit, about where to throw up etc. She said she hadn't had breakfast yet and was hungry. She didn't want Hungry Jack's but when she saw a take away shop she wanted to get something from there.

She chose a sandwich and said we could share it, and then grabbed a lime Solo. I noticed she made no efforts to pay, so I paid, and I reckon the lady working there may have thought I was a bit of a chump.

We then went to get the tickets and then waited at the wharf. We took a few photos and didn't have to wait long. I put on my cap and gave her my other one, but even she said it was too big for her, although she kept it. She also said her handbag cost $3000. She didn't seem like she was too excited but when the ship came she was quite quick to grab a seat on the outside at the side. Although it was windy and kinda cold, it was great. We took some photos and I had my arm wrapped around her as we passed the glorious sight of the Opera House.

When we got to the zoo, she wanted to take the bus and said she was afraid of the Sky Safari ride, but we went on it anyway, after me scaring her about shaking it while we were on it. She did seem quite scared of it but got used to it after a while. I noticed she complained about walking the stairs up to the Sky Safari, which to me weren't too much of a walk. And then she complained a bit about having to walk around the zoo.

It brought back some memories of the time I went with Ele, Colin and Evonne. I sorta remembered the way, and we kinda made the same tracks but with Erica things went a lot faster - like we'd just take a look at an animal, take a photo or two, and then move on. Or maybe it was just because there was only the two of us, instead of four people.

Sometimes I'd take my hat off and she'd put it back on. I think she doesn't like the look of my shaved head. Sometimes she'd lean in to gently bite my ear or my face. I asked her if she wanted to have dinner on Thursday night (Valentine's Day) and she said yes but that she was having her face removed on Wednesday (???).

Unfortunately it started raining a bit a while after we got there, but after a bit of sheltering at a shop we moved on. Luckily the rain stopped shortly after.

She really liked the lions and tigers, and then we went to see the meerkats. She took her phone out from her bag and in the process dropped it over into the meerkats area. I found it a bit hilarious and obviously she was a bit upset, but luckily there were volunteers there who called the staff and said they'd be here in five minutes. She kept saying "Korean man would get it", wanting me to jump in to get it, but I wasn't gonna do that, so we just waited until a lady zoo keeper came and got it for her.

The whole thing finished faster than I expected. I thought we'd finish at 5pm but we left at about 1:30pm. I asked if she wanted to go bowling or ice skating, and she said she wanted to go to the beach. She also said she was hungry and wanted sushi, so we caught the ferry back and returned to my car. To my surprise, she had remembered where I had parked, even though when I asked her to I was only joking.

I drove her to the Wick and we found a sushi train restaurant, but she didn't like most of the food on offer. She seemed to enjoy her two beers the most. Despite that, we still had fun just talking. She asked me where the cake was and I said there was no cake.

I then drove us to Coogee beach (during the drive she would sometimes play with my arm which I loved), where we stood on the path overlooking the beach. I kissed her on the cheek at times which she seemed to enjoy. I then held her from behind giving her kisses, and it was so romantic. It was broken up only by a phone call from her house mate asking her how it was going.

I said I'd show her another place and she agreed, but on the way to the car she asked me to piggy back her. Although it was hard, I pushed myself and made it all the way back to the car.

I drove us to the water side in Perouse, but it was a little bit too windy. After going to the restrooms, I found a spot on the rocks for us to sit. I sat behind her, holding her, and gave her the mini-handbag pendant. She said there was no chain. I then said I was joking and gave her the Prada bag, only to be surprised by her reaction - she complained it was too small. She said she liked big bags and said this bag couldn't even hold her phone.

Hmmm. That soured the moment for me. She even suggested I take it back and return it.

When we walked back to my car, I felt like I was dragging my tail in between my legs. We then drove back out to the city for dinner. I parked near my office to get the car, and then I parked in the city car park and she proceeded to take me to the restaurant she had in mind. She didn't want to hold hands and I asked why, and she said in case her manager sees. She didn't seem too sure of the way as we walked past the restaurant, but it was a Korean bbq one that Malay had taken us to a few years ago.

She began expertly getting things and put them on the bbq. As the food cooked, she wrapped it up in lettuce and fed it to me. It was soooooooo sweet! Mmm yum yum.

She showed me $150 from her wallet and said that was all she had.

She had a soju and was mixing it with beer. She asked me what visa I was on and I said I was a citizen. She said she was on a holiday visa and I asked when it was expire. She said next month and I looked down, disappointed, and then she laughed and said something about three or six months going to Korea. I didn't really understand.

She asked me to lean forward for a kiss but she wasn't leaning forward at all so I returned sitting down, and then later she leaned all the way over to kiss me. She was on the phone at one stage and said her friend would be coming out.

I was quite full with all the food, and although she offered to pay, I said no and paid it myself. She wanted to use the bathroom, and had a cigarette before hand. As we stood outside the bathroom/restaurant area while she smoked, she would kiss me, and this was probably the first time I felt a bit of tongue and the kiss seemed more prolonged.

She asked me to go downstairs to the toilet with her and I thought about making out with her in the toilets, but I just held her handbag and waited.

After she finished, we walked back out to the main street, this time with her holding my hand. I asked what about if her manager sees, and she said I was her $3000 client. We walked to this corner place which I had passed thousands of times but never gave a thought to what it was. Apparently it was just a small place with poker machines and a bar. Nice business idea I suppose, to get those gambling addicts in.

She said we would wait here for her friend and she started playing. I watched as she started losing, and I got her a drink. She liked to hold my hand as she played, maybe for good luck. She kept losing and I kept waiting for her friend to call. She lost all her $150 and then asked me for money. I said no a lot, until she said it was her birthday and she just wanted $30, so I finally caved and gave it to her. While she was playing the first $10, her friend arrived, but she had to continue losing all $30.

She went to the bathroom for a while and asked us to talk, which was a bit awkward. I can't remember her friend's name, but I automatically assumed she was a working girl as well, and wondered what she looked like with make up on.

I invited her to play and she said no. I joked, asking her why Erica's English was so bad and she said she had been here longer than Erica.

As I watched Erica lose the rest of her (my) money, I wondered what the hell was so addictive about these stupid machines. To me, it's clear to ANYONE that it's programmed for you to lose, especially since there's no skill involved.

Afterwards we went to a nearby restaurant, which was the Korean place Christina had taken Nunjo, Cameron and I to before. They ordered that simmering spicy bbq thing where you add a noodle to it, and they also got some drinks.

This was when things started getting crazy.

Erica would get emotional, crying. And then, just like a wind change, she'd be happy and kissing me, holding me. At times the kiss was quite passionate.

Through her friend, she said she wanted to rent a place with me. I was a bit shocked. Aren't we moving a bit too fast? I looked at Erica and she made a sleeping gesture and said she wanted to sleep with me. I thought about it, and said to her friend that I am trying to change jobs and if I get it then we can rent.

In hindsight I think her friend misunderstood me, because Erica came back saying she wanted to change jobs. I suggested working as a waitress, and she said she wanted another job with the same money. She said we had very different ways of thinking. She said she dropped out of uni in Korea to come here to make money. I thought, what a mistake that was.

When she was emotional/crying, she asked what we were going to do now. I didn't plan anything, even though I wanted to just get a room, which I think was what she was thinking as well. She also asked "me, you, really?" which meant "are we serious?" and I said yes.

She also complained to her friend that I had work the next day, meaning that I couldn't spend it with her.

She lifted up the left short sleeve of my shirt, and saw there was one strand of hair sticking out. She was about to pull it out when I protested. She then asked "do you love me?" and I mumbled, then she pulled it out.

When she was happy, she'd eat her noodles close to me, as if to share it, only to pull away, but then eventually offered me the other end of her noodles and then kiss me as she slurped it up.

She went out twice, once with her friend, for a smoke. I sat there thinking I was in too deep, that this was just too crazy. I felt humiliated. Sometimes she would hold up her middle finger in front of my page, and then the next minute she'd be kissing me. She was crazy.

It eventually got so bad that she just sat down on the floor with her head sunk in between her knees. I went to pay the bill and helped carry her out the restaurant. Once we got outside, she said she wanted me to carry her, so I did but she started falling off so we had to stop. She sat down on the side, and then eventually asked me to sit so she could climb back on top of me. I carried her further up the street until she started falling again, and then she managed to walk with a bit of assistance.

We walked her back to her apartment, and I left at the front entrance. I texted her friend to let me know if she was ok. I went back to the office to get the office car keys (which weren't there) and her friend texted saying she was ok and she'd call me tomorrow. As I was leaving the office she called me, sounding like she had sobered up a bit. She sounded apologetic, and I said I was sorry the bag was so small, and she said she liked it.

When I got home she called me again and asked if I was going to sleep. I said yes, and then she called again, asking the same thing. I went to bed and she rang again but I didn't answer it.

I wanted time to think about all the craziness that had just occurred.

Weather please please please hold up!

She called me at around 11:30pm last night, asking for something which sounded like "wake up call" at 9am, adding that she needed to take a two hour shower (I think she means getting ready). I asked if she wanted me to call her at 9am and she sounded uncertain, and then it was decided that I'd call her at 9am.

She said it was half an hour until her birthday and that she'd be drinking, which made me laugh.

Anyway, I saw this morning that her photo on Kakaotalk had been changed to one of a birthday cake, so maybe she had a party last night. I felt kinda left out that I wasn't invited, countered only by the knowledge that she wanted to spend her whole day with me.

I called her at 9am and she sounded sleepy, but she knew to get up.

The weather looked good this morning, but a bit cloudy now, I just hope it holds up! I'm excited, but was dampened a bit this morning when my bitch of a neighbour told me off for washing my car inside the garage.

CNY dinner with family

Yesterday morning I went to the courts. I did my slides, and I swear it was a killer. It was still early in the morning, maybe about 8:30am but it was pretty warm. I felt like my legs were tired, and then remembered I had done all that walking the day before. I finished off forcing myself to make five free throws in a row, and although it took a while, I ended up doing nine.

I didn't do too much during the day other than go out in the late afternoon to get some groceries. I was really tempted to get some Pringles but told myself to resist, for fear of turning up to see Erica with huge ugly pimples.

At about 1am today, my phone rang. I was pretty sure it was Erica. I was expecting a second ring, but it didn't come. I didn't really feel like getting out of bed to answer it, but I eventually managed. I called her back from my bed and she sounded like she wanted to apologise for calling me last time (the one where she hung up after shouting "I love you!"). She said she was drunk, and I was waiting for her to say she didn't mean it, but then she just said she didn't remember.

She also said she wanted to go to the zoo now, instead of the Opera House. I asked why and she said she had already seen it with her friends. Of course I said ok. I asked her what time she wanted to go, and she said 11 or 12. I said I'd pick her up at 11. We hung up and I checked my Kakaotalk and she had sent a message saying "call me".

I couldn't go back to sleep for a while, which made me wake up 'late' today. I ended up going to the courts at like 9:30am and it was waaaaay too hot. I told myself to bear it. After warming up with suicides, I wanted to work on my step away jump shot. I made 10 and then told myself it wasn't worth it:

1. I had to go out to get a cake for Erica. I wanted it customised, and wasn't sure how long that would take (I wanted it today).

2. I didn't want to aggravate the mole on my shoulder any further.

3. Although part of me felt like it was giving up, another part told me it was just being smart.

So I went home, had breakfast, shaved my head and had a shower before heading out to the city.

I caught the bus out, and went to look for a cake. I walked around a bit, including stopping to watch and record a bit of lion dancing, before finally settling on a cake from 85 Degrees on the main street. I went to the office to put it in the fridge, thinking I could've just bought it tomorrow. My original reason for getting it today was so it could have 'Happy Birthday Ericaaaaa' written on it, but I don't think they do that for small cakes (no point getting a big one for two people). So I am dumb.

I also saw Moira as I was crossing the street, not sure if she saw me. When I got to the office it was unlocked, and I saw DS' door was opened. I didn't approach him, I just quickly put the cake away, collected some things and then left.

I walked to around the Quay area to check out where I could park tomorrow, and then walked back to Paddy's to buy a cap. It was pretty hot today and I figured it'd be the same tomorrow, and I don't want to walk around with a sweaty, shiny head. This cap fits much better than the last one, which also gave me an idea - I could give that one to Erica to wear tomorrow.

I went home, and started looking for that cap. I felt like a schoolboy preparing for an excursion tomorrow. I was pretty excited, hehe.

My mom kept bugging me about taking the family out to dinner since it was Chinese New Year, and I finally acquiesced, thinking if I was willing to spend money on Erica I should at least spend money on my family.

So we went out as a whole to that Chinese restaurant in the Souths club. I can't remember the last time we went out as a family. I was just glad my mom didn't start any fights this time. I must admit, I did kinda enjoy it, as it'd been so long since we went out as a family.

However, the darn thing was that it had started raining, quiet heavily as well. After we finished dinner, I messaged Erica saying it won't rain tomorrow and that I'd be driving. I somehow expected her to cancel. It felt like I shouldn't have messaged her at all, and that any 'fiddling' might just tip her over the line to change her mind. But when I got home she had replied, with just an "ok".

She seems to have been a bit quiet lately, both on Kakaotalk, and also the games as she hasn't been playing at all. I wonder what's up.

Erica likes hanging up on me

Monday
On Monday Robert came to chat with me about my costs matter. He persuaded me that an appeal would be best (not that I needed much persuasion) and then asked me who I had for the trial. When I told him, he asked me how this guy was. I said I didn't know as I had never met him. He asked me why I picked someone I had never met or knew nothing about. I said we were just given a list to choose from.

He then asked me if I saw any value added to the process here. I said it could be more efficient. He asked how and I said I could get the list of counsel faster. He quickly jotted down some notes.

Shit...did I just dob DS in?

He then asked me if DS was away a lot. I was like "well, I wouldn't say a lot..." and then added that I understood DS has a sick daughter. He said something about that being more of a reason to be prioritised with work.

In the morning I also said good morning to Nunjo in the photocopying room, and she just said the same back.

After work I messaged Erica with a ASCII picture of a beer, and she replied saying she was sick. I asked if she needed a doctor, and even though she read my message, there was no reply. I called her and after a ring and a half, she rejected my call. Hmmm.

Tuesday
At 3:24pm, I messaged Erica saying I was starting Korean class tonight.

I must admit, I was a bit nervous leaving the office at about 6:20pm to go to class. I hadn't been in a classroom for a long time. I also feared starting the course and then having Erica end things, which would leave me feeling like a bit of an idiot.

I went to the school and caught the lift up. An older guy caught the same lift and I felt like asking if he was in my class, but I thought better not.

I was shown a classroom to the right, which was quite tiny, with those small flipping tables attached to the chairs. There were about eight chairs in total. One girl was already in there playing with her phone. I took a seat diagonally behind her. There was another girl up front, who I assumed to be the teacher. She started writing up names on the whiteboard, which I figured were the names of the students.

I counted them as she wrote them up - two guys (including me) and six girls. Jackpot. Too bad my reason for coming here was the fact that I already had a girlfriend.

Surprisingly, one of the girls was a Caucasian blonde, who took a seat between me and the other guy. The rest appeared to be Chinese girls. That was one thing I had been wondering - what nationality would these students be? Highly unlikely to be Korean girls. I had guessed they would be Caucasian guys (with Korean girlfriends).

We started with some basic greetings and learning the alphabet. As the class went on, I realised the teacher was kinda cute. She also had no ring on her finger. Hmmm.

The other guy was very chatty and wasn't shy at all. When we had to do things in pairs, he automatically and without hesitation started with the blonde girl, and the Chinese girl to my right was pairing up with her friend until the teacher told her to pair up with me.

At the end of the class the teacher asked us why we were wanting to learn Korean. She said most people's reasons fell into three categories: for work, for their boyfriend/girlfriend or they were travelling to Korea.

Some of the Chinese girls said they wanted to learn because they liked watching Korean drama which was a bit silly to me. I was battling between telling the truth and making some shit up, like it was my new year's resolution and I had just randomly picked it. I ended up telling the truth. Honestly, I didn't think it'd kill my chances with the blonde girl or the teacher, in fact, from what I've learned in the past, it might actually help. But that wasn't the reason I told the truth. I just figured I didn't want to start a web of lies.

Anyway, the class ended and we all dissipated. I went back to the office to change and then went to the gym.

Wednesday
We played Machinas, which I figured we could win with a bit of hard work, as we were more skilled, and they lacked finesse. We got off to like a 15-2 start and then they started coming back. I actually wasn't really in the mood for playing. Maybe it was those two buns I ate before the game. But I thought about how bad it was, I felt kinda shameful that I was here when I didn't feel like it. I'm sure a lot of NBA players also feel like this from time to time - except the great ones.

I started getting into it in the second half and scored four points - one on cutting to the basket on a baseline inbound from Alex, and the other on a drive after One kicked it back to me. I didn't feel my 'shot' and missed the few that I took.

Anyway, we were up by two with like a minute left when we held the ball and they fouled me. I went to the line. I had confidence with the first one - it rattled out. Then I lost all my confidence as the second one just clanked.

I had missed the chance to seal the game.

But even then, with the game tied, Alex had a chance to put us up by two with free throws and he too missed them, and the other team won.

There was a bit of frustration during the game, as Alex Y lost the ball a few times and Alex Z told us not to pass it to him in the high post. Also in the second half, Alex Y for some reason thought it'd be a good reason to come on for Alex Z, until everyone yelled at him. Hmmm.

I got a bit annoyed with A as well, because he was doing the scores at the last minute and when Alex tried to deliberately miss his last free throw, I said he should've started the clock only when we touched the ball, not straight away. He said "it was over anyway" which I got annoyed with. I shook my head and walked away, and then realised I probably shouldn't have done that. Especially since he was giving me a lift back home.

After the game Mike came and patted me on the tummy and said I was fat now. Hmmmm. That gave me motivation to stop eating all that fast food.

Thursday
Erica called me at 6:46am. She said she was sick. I was still in bed and couldn't really make out what else she was saying, but she sounded really sick, as she kept sniffing.

Friday
At 3am, I heard my phone ring. I missed the first call, and then heard it ring again. I missed it because it was far from my bed, and then went to get it. It was Erica.

I went into the kitchen and called her back. She said I was crazy and something about being sick and Kakaotalk. I couldn't really make out what she was saying, and I wasn't sure if she was drunk or not. I could hear someone in the background, a male and a female, but otherwise it was quiet. I asked if she was home and she said no. I asked where she was and couldn't make out her answer. I asked why she was sick and couldn't make that out either.

She then hung up on me.

I called her back and then said on Monday we'd go to the zoo. She just kept saying she knew Monday was her birthday. Then she said "I love you! I love you! I love you!" and hung up.

I thought about calling back, but figured the better of it, and went back to sleep.

That call somehow motivated me to get all my work done in the office to enable me to take Monday off. However, to make things hard, Chris asked me to do her Woy Woy list on Tuesday, so I spent the end of my day preparing for that which was ok, but I just don't know how I'm going to get the office car on Monday night or get enough sleep.

I had messaged Erica saying I'd take her to the zoo, and she replied saying she wanted to go to the Opera House.

I had wanted to do some window shopping after work, but ended up going to the gym and then walking to the Opera House just to pre-plan some things. There didn't appear much to do, but I figured we could always go to Luna Park or the zoo depending on the time.