Killing off the personal loan

On Monday, I went to the casino during lunch. It wasn't planned...it just sort of 'happened'.

When I got there, it seemed like it was the ideal time for the casino to try out their new dealers. The Australian girl I had was maths deficient and struggling to add up even basic combinations. Every time she needed to check with her supervisor first that she got it right. I didn't mind too much at first, but then it really slows the game down, and I had really only 20 minutes there as it takes 20 minutes to walk there and back.

Next was a young Asian girl, whose maths was substantially better but was real slow in organising and stacking the chips. This also added delay to the game. Throughout the whole time I was down a little bit.

Finally I couldn't take it anymore and cashed in to move to another table. My lunch hour was already up but I figured it could be one of 'those' occasions where I'd take a 90 minute lunch. I got desperate and started rushing around the tables with my $100 chips. I used them to bet the 1-2 sector and won once, then rushed over to another table where the ball was already spinning, hustling to place all my chips on numbers, straight ups. This was the largest I had ever bet - $100 on a single number. I didn't even know where I was betting, I just wanted to get them all down in time.

I walked away a bit and saw on the screen it landed on 21. I was expecting a loss, as I had only bet like eight numbers or something. I looked down and there was one of my $100 chips on 21! I had won $3500, which was a $1500 gain. I had almost made up my earlier loss of $1700 in days prior.

I left the casino quickly and returned to work. I was soooo lucky, I told myself. I also told myself that I would take a break from it all now to appreciate how lucky I was to make back my losses.

However, after work I went back. I played at a table standing next to the guy who looked a bit like G. We talked about the sectors as we played, and I ended up losing $2000. I wasn't betting the way I normally played for some reason. I was beginning to bet as a social thing.

I felt like shit. I left the casino, went back to the office to change and then went home. After dinner, I returned to the casino. I had sent Sugi a message asking her out to dinner. When I saw that she had read it and didn't reply, my casino decision was justified. Upon this visit, I encountered that asshole of a prick security guard, the old, fat balding one. He always stops me for an ID check when I go in, whereas the others just let me in.

This time I nodded at him and he didn't say anything as I walked past. Then a few steps inside, he calls me back. I was like "you waited all that time?" and he said he changed his mind. I showed him my licence and he looked at it for a long time. I tried to make a joke about wishing I was Benjamin Button whilst at the same time he asked me if I was a regular. As I was speaking he repeated his question sternly "are you a regular?" I didn't like the way he said that. He told me to stop smiling and stared at me. He then gave my licence to the other female guard and said she would let me in. She took a glance and let me in. What a cunt.

The guy who looked like G was still there, though this time I didn't talk to hm. I was never up. I lost $2000 rather quickly. Can you believe it just landed 0-3 sector like five times in a row since I started betting? What the fuck? Seriously? Are you seriously telling me there's no one watching above and pressing buttons???

I swore I would never return. This was it. I would pay off my personal loan with whatever cash I had and be done with this fucking thing. It was driving me crazy. It was making me lose control. I wasn't myself. My mind was filthy.

Afterwards I went to the brothel in Marrickville where Jin had once worked. Maybe a part of me had hoped to see her, or maybe I just wanted to see what conditions she worked in. I went in and the male receptionist was friendly enough. He told me there were a lot of girls but I was only shown one, who wasn't very attractive. He asked if I wanted to wait and I said yes. I was shown one more and I said I'd wait, then by the third I figured I should stop fucking around and so just went with the third.

Her name was Sarah. Her face wasn't much, but was friendly. The bed was dirty, with stains all over the sheets. Ugh. I paid $160 for the hour and thought about how little of that went to Jin. After the sex we talked but nothing eventuated. I kinda wanted to get away, but she was giving me this head massage which was awesome. Back when I used to have hair cuts, I always loved how the barber would incidentally massage my head. She kept this up for like 15 minutes and I thought if I ever want to be pampered, I'd have a head massage.

This morning at work, I transferred $10,000 from my bar savings, and $6190 from my dad's shares. At lunch time I checked to see if it had arrived and it hadn't. Then I got a silly idea.

What if you have one last gamble? Surely you can make a bit back! Surely!

And with that stupid thought, I walked off to the casino once again, withdrawing $2000 from my personal loan. I went to a table and bought in $800 worth of chips. The dealer was a tall Australian guy. I was up $20 and thought about leaving. Then there was a dealer change. The girl spun up 0-3 sector like three times to kill me. Right from the get go. Fucking hell.

All this time I had noticed that two tables away, the Korean girl was working as a dealer. This was my chance! I would go over and play and talk to her. But when I had lost all my $800, I walked over only to see that her shift had ended :(

I played the remaining $1200 at a table and lost. Fucking again, the 0-3 sector came up enough times to kill me. I was beginning to think that everyone should just bet against me and make some money. I stood around, dazed and confused. I wanted to wait for the Korean girl to come back and play at her table, so I went to withdraw $1000 from the ATM and came back.

I bought in $25 chips and played them, and lost. The Korean girl was at a $5 table now. I never play at them because they have a 00 wheel. I was lost and didn't know what to do. I put my last eight $25 chips on 32. It landed on 17. I walked back to work feeling like a complete dumbass. Here I was transferring just enough to pay off the loan, and now I had just lost $3000 more. Fucking hell.

I went back to the office and transferred $3000 more from my bar money. That's it. No more money. I'm risking my bar future here. I may very well not have enough money to go to the bar next year :(

When I got home, I saw that all the money had arrived, and I promptly transferred it over to kill off the personal loan.

Goodbye!

Coincidental Sugi

Funnily enough, immediately after my last post Sugie messaged me on Kakaotalk, saying she started work late. I wonder if what had happened was she got to work and the girls told her I had been there.

I also wonder if Jin had messaged me because she got wind of me visiting the shop.

Lost $5200

Well the day started out well.

I went to the courts in the morning, did some exercises and then went home to vacuum and then went to the gym. I had Macca's at the Wick and did some shopping for this week's lunch, before catching the bus back home.

Once I got home I went out to the casino. Broke my rule by playing at a table alone - there were really no other tables available. The dealer was a chubby Asian girl I had never seen before, think she was new. I was down at first but then a few lucky spins meant I was up $300.

Perfect. Enough to pay for the recent repairs around the house.

But no, I didn't stop there. I started losing, and then there was a dealer change to the guy with the moustache and dumb hair. I managed to survive him but then it changed to an Asian guy dealer, and he killed me.

A large part of me was calm about it, but I ended up going to withdraw $2000 and renewing my parking ticket. I went to a table where an old man had just started his shift as the dealer. I won $600 on the first spin and thought that was a good start to chasing my earlier loss, but then he spun 0-3 sector like five times which fucked me up. Unbelievable.

I went home to get my other bank card so I could go for a punt out of depression. Decided to avoid Sugi since she had ignored my messages on Kakaotalk. I fucking hate that. It's my pet peeve. But if Angel was there then I'd see her.

I went to the shop, and the money hungry guy opened the door. He said Sugie wasn't working today. I said that was ok and asked if Angel was working and he said no. He showed me three girls - Chloe, someone and Misha.

Misha would recognise me as Jin's boyfriend, since she had seen me on the street before with Jin. But I don't think they're friends. Misha is apparently famous for being one of the best, but I didn't choose her. I went with the second girl, and for the love of me, I can't remember her name.

Into the room and into the shower, she seemed pleasant enough. She said she had been in Australia for four months and was studying English. I asked if she had a boyfriend and she said no. Onto the bed, she went down on me before asking me to go on top. So I did that for a bit but then my legs got tired so asked her to get on top where we finished.

She asked if I wanted a massage and I said no, and then she suggested we shower, saying "shower and then sleep is good". Whatever. So we showered together and then laid on the bed talking after she got me a bottle of water. She said she hadn't been anywhere in Sydney other than the supermarket, school and work. She said she liked Chinese food and went to a restaurant near Mamak before with her friends from the shop. She said she liked pipis and Chinese broccoli. She also said she had been to Mamak.

She asked how long I had been in Australia and how old I was, and then I asked her and she said she was 25. She said she wanted to get breast implants because Chinese clients wanted them and also to get surgery on her face. I said she looked beautiful as she was and she said I was in the minority. So sad.

I didn't want to, but ended up showing her photos of my trip to Korea last year. I initially did it to show her I liked o-deng, and then started flicking through the rest of them. I made her laugh and punch me when I showed her the plastic surgery ad and pointed to the photo of the "after surgery" guy and said that was me before surgery lol.

We got along ok, probably could've asked her out if I wanted to but didn't want to seem too eager or pushy. She told me she used a "sky" phone and when I said I didn't know, she suggested going to get it to show me but I said next time.

When the buzzer went, we got dressed and she told me she had 10 days off school so she was going back to Korea. She said she was working tomorrow but then would fly on Tuesday and return on Sunday. She asked if I wanted a present and I said o-deng, and she said ok. I joked that I wanted it hot and she said she would heat it up for me. I went to do the pinky shake to get her to promise and she did.

I left, and then returned to the casino with $1200. I was up a bit but then the same Asian dealer spun up like five 0-3 sectors in a row which fucking killed me. Are you serious?? What were the odds of that happened? Twice in one night???

As soon as I left the casino, I tried to remember the girl's name but couldn't. I had remembered it before. And also, now I had forgotten where I had parked. I knew the general area, but couldn't remember specifically. Has gambling affected my memory?

Library guy's 32nd birthday

On Saturday morning, I walked to the gym and did a bit of bike and weights before heading back home to go to library guy's 32nd birthday and his daughter's 2nd birthday party.

I drove out there to be an hour late, but it was cool anyway since not many people had arrived by then. When I found library guy I saw him standing with his wife and daughter at the birthday cake table and walked over, only to realise they were posing for a photo. D'oh! Library guy was smooth though, inviting me over for a photo together to cover my awkwardness.

I gave him the Peppa Pig plush toy I had bought for his daughter, and she liked it lol. I spent a bit of time standing around before one of his friends Mitch arrived whom I had met before on similar occasions. Mitch came with his girlfriend, and I discovered that he was unemployed at the moment and sometimes living at her place. This restored my faith in women. If only I could find a girl like that.

Later John arrived with his wife and daughter, and so that was enough company for me. I made good conversation with his wife but at one time John walked away and I didn't know what to say so just awkwardly looked around. Hmmm.

I also was conscious of what not to say around his wife, but John seemed to be a bit more daring, always half jokingly saying he wanted to go away for a holiday. She thought he was joking, but I knew he wasn't. I really felt sorry for her knowing what John gets up to behind her back, and also felt guilty for not doing anything about it.

I talked to them about going on a holiday at the end of the year, and again John pushed for me to go somewhere he wanted. I don't think he understood that I wanted to be by myself, and I didn't like how he was proposing this in front of his wife, knowing full well what he intended to do on holiday.

The party was short, finished at 2pm,. so after that I drove home then back out to basketball training. I picked up Jim who came to watch, and it wasn't much really, we just had a half court and did some drills. Earlier I was talking to Jim about how I felt I was getting fat, and when I went to get a drink he said he agreed with me that I had gotten fat. Hmmm.

I must admit, I struggled a bit with the drills. We did this one where you line up and alley-oop it off the backboard and run back around the bin to do it again. At times I felt like just giving up as I couldn't keep up. Far out.

After training we went to Macca's to eat. Whilst waiting for the others, I asked JIm if I was just fat around the stomach, as I thought my chest and arms were ok. He said I wasn't really fat, but just didn't have a shape, like no definition. Hmmm.

Anyway, we all ate at Macca's and everyone was kind enough to give me the Monopoly stickers which I am collecting lol. After that I dropped Jim home and then headed back home.

Dinner at Empire Hotel

On Friday after work I went home and then drove out to Annandale to meet Bush, Kylie, Carry and HHH for dinner. I was the last one there but apparently only got there moments after Bush and Kylie. It's always one of those "let's pretend we miss each other" scenarios with HHH and Carry, maybe less so with HHH.

We chatted for a bit and then switched tables to the main dining area to eat. The food was ok, a bit small I thought. Informed Carry and HHH that I had passed the bar exams and so we talked a bit about that.

The rest of the night was spent talking about hooking up Kylie and Carry with guys at the hotel/pub. When HHH's boyfriend Dougall arrived, this thing only escalated. He was a "no nonsense" kinda guy who said anything he was thinking of, which made him funny. He also didn't look like his stated age of 40 something.

Despite all the talk, nothing much happened, as Kylie just kept giving reasons why every guy in the pub wasn't good enough for her. The harsh side of me felt like telling her she was ugly and should accept whatever she can get, but then I wondered if I was in the same situation.

Overall it was a good night, but the fact that we all agreed to meet at least once a year like this showed the extent of our association. I gave Carry a lift home, and even though we were talking about the bar, she seemed like she couldn't get out of my car fast enough when we arrived at her place.

Hmmm.

Run TMC!

On Wednesday night we played Outsiders. It was a close game for the most part, but they pulled away in the second half, and our body language showed we had given up. With about 30 seconds to go, we were down by four points. Kevin hit a three with a hand in his face, then Mike deflected their inbound pass, stolen by Kevin who drove in for the game winning lay up! We won by one!!!

On Thursday morning I got a message from Lemon, asking me if I was free to fill in for his team that night with Egghead. I thought about it for a while and then replied saying I could. After work I went to the casino and won $900. Then I went home and got changed and headed to the stadium.

I saw Lemon and Egghead talking, and Grizzly was there too! Wow, what a reunion! Turns out Grizzly played in the same comp but different division, and Alex played too! Alex came later and I was like over loaded with past memories. When was the last time Lemon, Egghead and I played basketball together? 14 years ago in high school?

I was so nervous that when the clock ran down in the game before ours and Lemon and Egghead went on to shoot around, I took off my shirt and started stretching, only for Lemon to tell me it was half time and to put my shirt back on lol!

Egghead told me he was nervous playing with us, and I was nervous because it wasn't my team. When the game started, I noticed that one of the referees was Nick! He seemed a bit cold at first but I cracked a joke later which made him laugh.

I didn't score, and got called for a travel on the one jump shot that I did hit, but otherwise just spent the game taking the ball up. Nearly got an intercept but didn't have enough confidence to chase it down. Also while running for a loose ball, I got tripped and stacked it.

Lemon scored most of the team's points on threes, and kept it close for us but eventually we lost. I was interested to see how Egghead would play since he always talks about the minute details of his game when I bump into him on the bus, but actually he wasn't really that good. He was probably better than in high school, but I think he talks things up a bit. Or maybe he was just nervous.

After the game I drove Egghead home since he lives in the street behind me. Found out that he doesn't like Fajar even though they work at the same company.

I was so happy when I went home, because I felt like it was some sort of Run TMC reunion game I had just played!

The dealer with the sparkling eyes

Yesterday after work I went to the casino, eager to see the Vietnamese MILF and the young Asian girl.

I started off with a female dealer with really thick glasses. She wasn't spinning when no one was betting, and so that made it a bit hard for me when the sole guy at the table before me had left. I was down at first then made it back.

Then there was a dealer change. It was the grumpy gay dealer, although he is nice to me. With him, I slowly made my way up to a gain of $600. I decided that was enough but wanted to sit around to see the 'locals'. I was severely disappointed that I didn't see the MILF or the young Asian girl.

I decided to sit around until 7pm, and it was about 6:30pm. I had already sat out a huge number of spins, and so thought I could sit out the rest of the time. Then I started feeling a bit guilty, like I was being a bit of a dick, because the dealer knew I liked free spins and he was doing it but I wasn't betting. So in the name of niceness, and when he had spun two 0-3 sections in a row, I started betting the 1-2 sector. Funnily enough, it was at that time that he went on a streak of five 0-3 sectors, which nearly killed me.

I regretted it immediately. I remembered MR's words "if you want to be a lawyer, never do anything out of courtesy". I was up $600 a few moments ago, and now I was forking out the $1200 in my wallet. Fuck.

At 7pm there was a dealer change and I was down about $800. The new dealer was a middle aged Asian man, who spun the wheel and the ball very roughly. The wheel spun at a fast pace, which is bad because it causes the ball to come out, which it did on two occasions. But I also find that this increased 'randomness' also made the sectors hit more evenly, meaning there weren't many streaks.

With him, I made my way back up with a few big wins, the most notable when it landed on 25 which I had three straight ups on. After a while I was up about $300 and decided to change tables to a dealer who looked semi-attractive (which broke another rule).

So I went over and saw the young Asian girl, who I think was new to roulette. She was actually a lot more attractive than I had thought from a distance. For some reason I thought her eyes sparkled. I bought in $800 of chips and started playing. It looked like she had spun 0-3 and 1-2 sectors alternatively, but as it always happens, when I started betting she broke that rhythm.

There were a couple of kids at the table. I swear they weren't 18. They were talking about how to play and bought $70 worth of chips. They left when they won $50 and were so happy lol. Oh my god, such a bad habit.

I made a bit of money after that and then there was a dealer change. I left after a few spins without betting and realised I had made $580 gain, which was almost my original gain. Wow.

Because it was already 8pm I decided to take a taxi home. During the ride I was talking to the driver about gambling and roulette. I think it was pretty obvious I was an addict. He asked how often I gambled and I gave a mitigated answer of 2-3 times a week, and he said that was a lot.

Getting distracted at the casino

Work was so boring today, oh my god. I didn't have anything to do, mainly because I had already done everything, and Mob being away didn't help. I spent time playing NR Shooter on my phone and checking the news on my computer.

If this keeps up, I don't know if I can ever go to the bar. I mean, I'm getting paid good dough here to do nothing at times, and now you want me to work hard for money? Hmmm.

At lunch I consciously avoided the casino, taking my shirts to the dry cleaner and going to buy a quarter chicken for lunch. It was yummmm.

After work I went to the casino as planned. I told myself I just needed to win a bit and leave, and that my number one goal was to avoid a loss. I did my usual stroll across the tables to look for anyone I might know. When I was satisfied there wasn't any, I chose a table. I noticed that the Korean supervisor was working. She looked at me and that was pretty much it. I also noticed that the girl dealer who couldn't calculate very fast was also working, but on the $5 table.

I sat down at a table where one Asian guy was playing outside bets. The dealer was a middle aged Asian lady I had never seen before. She was obviously new, because she was soooo slow in counting the chips, paying out and everything. I thought it was kinda funny at first, but then it got annoying. Her spins were soft, but seemed to have no rhythm.

I was up a bit, like $120 but continued playing. I was soon down $400. After a while there was a dealer change, to an Indian man who I had seen recently. I recall cashing out when he came on board, but this time I'd be staying on.

He mentioned something about the competition on tonight, apparently someone was going to win $45,000 in cash and two girls were walking around with a large cheque to promote the competition. It made me think - $45,000 was actually A LOT of money. Like, people would actually be over the moon to win it. And here was Jin asking me for $50,000, and my mind was starting to think "just help her..." Wow. Fucking scumbag brain.

I lost a bit, having to take out my $1200 from the wallet. It wasn't looking too good, as at one stage I was down to like $600 or something, but I told myself to be patient and calm, and with a win here and there, I was catching up. But the mood wasn't there. When I first started, a Vietnamese lady next to me kept leaning into me to place bets, and after she left, another lady kept doing the same thing. Add that to the emotion of losing, and it's not a nice experience.

I noticed the girl who couldn't calculate very fast went on a break and assumed she'd come to my table when she returned, but she never did, so I guess she had ended her shift. I also noticed a Korean girl playing on the table opposite. I recognised her - either she was there yesterday with a guy, or she was a former teammate's wife (seen photos from fb). But she was so hot, I couldn't help but keep looking over. Although she seemed to be concerned only about her game.

Looking at her made me think, I think I need to find a girl who makes me feel like 'that', and hopefully she likes me in return. Sometimes I think about if I went out with Sugi, that I would feel like I wasn't that interested. I kept looking at the Korean girl and the Korean supervisor. I was getting distracted.

The guy started hitting some 0-3 sections, and I started betting against it. He hit them a few times and it astounded me. But finally it came my way and landed on 17, where I had four splits and one straight up. I cashed out immediately with a $480 gain. That was good enough for the night.

In theory, I probably should've left after I won $120. But lately I've realised the big wins have distorted my perspective on things. When it becomes usual to win $1000, winning $100 is like nothing. That's dangerous because I then start expecting wins of $1000, which means chasing. Never chase in a casino. Walk out as soon as you have a gain. Live to play another day.

I went back to the office to change. I skipped gym because my legs were still way too tired from Saturday.

Kram at the casino

This morning I woke up and washed my car. Haven't washed it for a long time, and could see some black dirty marks had stubbornly made their way onto the bonnet, which needed to be scratched off with my fingernail. Also noticed a scratch on the driver's door, looks like someone has opened their doors into my door. Grrr.

After that I went back up and napped for a bit. I woke up later and headed out to the casino. I found a table where the dealer was an Asian girl I had never seen before. I soon figured out she was new, as she struggled at times with the calculations of the pay outs. She was kinda cute though, although probably a bit too much make up. If I had to guess, I'd say she was Vietnamese.

Sometimes she would verbally say something to herself or look at her watch as if she couldn't wait for her shift to be over. I did say at one stage after she made a large pay out "it gets easier". She didn't say anything in response but thereafter we would look at each other at times and smile, almost laugh, as if we both understood what she was going through.

I was down at first, and was even close to reaching into my wallet for the $1200 as the last of my $800 were on the table, but luckily I won that spin and slowly crawled my way back up. I thought she would change shifts soon but surprisingly she was there for a while.

When the change came, the new dealer was the Phillipino looking guy I had yesterday. I won a bit more with him and sat around, looking around. Then I spotted Kram, walking in a suit with his wife. I kept looking at him just to make sure until he saw me and smiled. I walked over and we exchanged a few words, and he looked at my chips and asked if I was up a bit. I laughed and said yeah a bit, and then we parted.

I was ashamed and embarassed he saw me, for fear it'd get out that I was a gambling addict. But then I figured, he'd only seen me here once, and he was from interstate. Surely that wouldn't make me a gambling addict? Although I did have like $1200 in chips at the table, so maybe the value is a hint. Hmmm.

Anyway, I played until there was another dealer change, to the old man I had been seeing recently and who cleaned me out at lunch last week. I was thinking about leaving, and then an old woman sat next to me and started coughing. That was a good enough excuse to leave, so I cashed in. $1270 profit.

I called the shop and asked if Sugie was working, and the guy said yes. I made a booking and walked there. The guy half jokingly said the price was $2500. I've always said that a lot of truth is said in jest - I think the shop is struggling a bit.

She remembered me but didn't remember my name, thinking it was James or something. She did remember my occupation though, typical. We showered and just like last time, she started with a massage. I was actually quite enjoying it, given how tired my legs were after five hours of basketball yesterday. Then we moved onto sex and that finished quite quickly.

We started talking about playing a bit of games on our phones. She showed me this game called NR Shooter. I thought it was a bit shit at first, but after leaving the shop, I found it to be quite addictive. I asked her out to dinner and she said yes, but we didn't reach any definitive date. She asked me when my days off were, and I told her the weekend but added that I could take a day off work if she gave me notice. I think she's interested, but I remember that massage girl who said the same thing and never came out.

We showered together afterwards and after I left, I went for some KFC. It was pretty damn good lol.

And so, with today's win, I've made back my recent losses and then some. I've also decided to change my spread sheet so that every month I start my balance all over again. If I don't, it will always be in the back of my mind that I have x amount to play with, which means all my winnings will be at stake. Also, this way it makes me play more cautiously at the beginning of each cycle as technically I'm on a zero balance.

Days of Daze

It seems like so much has happened, but in reality that's not the case. I feel like the last few days have been having my head spinning in a daze, in and out at the casino, everything is just a blur.

Thursday
I had lunch with Genie and Maria. Maria was a bit of a surprise, because I had originally only planned it with Genie since she returned from India this week, but then at the last moment she told me she and Maria would meet me there.

I was a bit late as I was in a meeting from noon for about 45 minutes, but luckily not too late. We met at the TGV food court and they had Thai whilst I had quickly grabbed a Subway sandwich. I asked Genie how her trip was and she only gave a few details, but I guess it may have been because she had already told Maria and/or it wasn't the topic for a three way conversation.

Maria told us she had a job interview coming up, which was great, as I feared she was the type to keep talking about something but not actually doing it (ala Brain). We didn't sit there for too long, as Maria wanted to go buy a dress, and I said I wanted to visit one of the shops she mentioned. So Genie parted ways with us while Maria took me to the shop. I find that I don't have much to say to her one on one as we only made brief chit chat. She seemed eager to drop me off.

I went to the casino after work, and lost $2000. I can't remember how, but I do remember being up $500. I also remember telling myself not to chase it because I was still up. I kept reminding myself of the previous $4000 loss and that if I had avoided it I'd be up by so much more now.

In the end, the emotional effect the loss had on me won out. I went home, had dinner, and then excused myself to go back out to the casino. It was quite rowdy for a Thursday night, and I played at a table with a NZ looking female dealer. She was friendly enough, but her spins were not going my way. It really looked like I was going to lose another $2000 until I sat myself the fuck down to calm down.

I realised I was losing it, and that I needed to re-focus and regain my control and composure. Whatever I had done to win in the first place, I was not doing now.

There was a dealer change, and I started making some back slowly. The supervisor noticed, as he said "he's a patient man".

Yeah fuck yeah I'm patient. It's my money.

Two guys joined at the table, somewhat drunk and still drinking, just gambling without any real strategy. I thought they would get obnoxious as they kept drinking but they were actually ok. I ended up winning $940 (back) and leaving.

I then went to see Angel. I was feeling buzzed and wanted sex but it seems like she has gotten into the habit of just talking. I took off her bra and that was it. She did ask if I wanted sex and I said if she wanted to, but that was it. We talked as usual, and she asked if I liked her. The way she asked was different from last time, it seemed like this time she asked with more interest.

She also seemed to be insecure about her English ability, asking me what I thought of her English.

Friday
Mob was away and will be away for the next two days, so the shifty in me decided I could spare a bit more time at the casino during lunch. I had a dealer who was an old man, and I didn't realise but I had breached a rule I had made before - never play alone at a table.

It was one of those times where no matter what I bet on, the ball landed on the reverse. I lost $2000.

After work, I broke another rule - never go on Friday nights. The reason for this is because Friday night seems to be the most popular night for most people, and I want to avoid being seen. Funnily enough though, I saw the hot Vietnamese MILF and also the young cute Asian girl.

I didn't get to say anything to the milf even though she came over to bet for a few spins, as she was playing other tables. The cute Asian girl has definitely noticed me as I keep looking over at her. She came over to bet a few times.

I sat at a table closest to the entrance and kept looking around in case I was spotted. The dealer I had was that ugly looking, but really chatty guy. He keeps talking about sectors. I was up a bit and when there was a dealer change, I changed tables to be closer to the other two women. Another rule broken - never get distracted.

They were both playing at the table next to me. Can you believe it? The two girls I find attractive were playing at the same table, together! This is Jannah!

I ended up winning $1220 and leaving as I had to get back to the office to change.

Saturday
Yesterday I went for morning basketball. Had a good run, and weather was nice although got a bit windy and cold towards the end.

I went home and rested for a bit, knowing I had bball later on in the night. I then woke up and went to the casino. Had a young Caucasian dealer who spun the opposite of whatever I was betting. He was friendly enough, but goddamn, it was unbelievable. I nearly got killed but managed to survive. Then there was a dealer change, to a Phillipino young man and I won big when it landed on 13.

I was up $1200 but thought I was only up $1000 until I lost a bit. When I realised, I played a bit more until I got back up to $1000 and left.

I went home and then got changed for bball. Only seven guys turned up, so we did some training and drills before finishing off with a few games of three on three.

Is Jin my destiny?

So I finally got around to seeing that fortune teller today. She was overseas for a few weeks, and even when she came back, it was hard to make an appointment as at times I didn't feel like it and when I did, she wasn't available.

Anyway, at lunch I got changed into my casual (read: scrubby) gear so that she wouldn't get any additional clues about myself. I went to the office building she was in and went up to her floor, finding a lot of small, separate office suites.

Coincidentally she was outside her suite when I arrived, and she pretty much guessed I was there for her as she stopped and looked at me. I introduced myself and she asked me to wait outside as she was seeing someone at the moment. I was happy with that, as I was early anyway and wanted to play Anipang 2 on my phone.

A short wait later, she came out and invited me into her suite. She asked if I could speak Mandarin, and when I said no, she said that was a shame because otherwise she would introduce me to her master who was the person she was seeing.

She asked me to write down my name, so I did in Chinese, but she couldn't understand it (it's a rare name) and so I did it in English. She also asked me to write down what I wanted to ask. To be honest, I didn't really have much, I just wanted to see what someone could say about me by looking at my face and reading my palm. I wrote down something about career and relationships anyway, adding that I was starting a business next year.

She also asked me to write down the time to note when we started.

Her first observation was that I had something to do with tv, like I had been recently interviewed for something or I will be interviewed for something. My mind quickly flashed to a scene where I was in trouble with my work for going to the casino and it was causing some controversy, leading to the media interviewing me about it. God I hope not.

When I said no, she seemed a bit disappointed. She then said that I had made plans this March to start something. She was right, or at least close enough. I told her I had my bar exams in February and if I had passed them, then I would've started the bar course in March. Hmmm.

The rest of her career advice was pretty broad and could probably apply to anyone, like saying that I'd struggle in my first year and needed to put in the hard work, but after three years it would be better as I would build up my reputation. She also stated that I needed a partner for support. Would this be DC? She did, however, say that I was the hard working type, but something 'external' to me was preventing me from being hard working.

Onto relationships, she said it seemed like I had started something but didn't finish it. I told her briefly about how I had planned to give Jin $40,000 but only ended up giving her $25,000. She said I will marry a girl either three years younger or older than me, about my height and with big eyes. She asked if my ex-girlfriend (Jin) was about my height and had big eyes. I suppose she could fit that description. She said something about me getting married this year. I couldn't stop thinking about how that might actually happen given Jin's visa may expire next year.

That was pretty much it. I'm sure she was more accurate than it seemed, but her broken English made things hard at times.

Apart from all that, in recent days I have been thinking about Jin a bit. Today, I started to feel a bit of a 'pull' from her. It was almost as if I was sensing her. I hadn't checked my old phone, hidden away in my garage, for a while now, but something told me that if I checked it, I would see messages from Jin.

So after basketball tonight, I went to get the phone, and lo and behold, Jin had messaged me. She sent me messages on Kakaotalk on 4 September and SMS'd me on 12 September. Both were to ask for help.

Freaky, huh?

Doubled my income...

Yesterday at lunch I decided to be a good boy and went to the gym. No more casino at lunch time, I told myself. It was just too bad of a look given my occupation.

I did, however, go to the casino after work. It was looking like a loss, especially when this Indian dealer went on a bit of a streak against me. I recognise him from years ago. He was around since my early days of gambling. Gosh just looking at him brought back memories of how naive I was back then.

After him came another dealer, a young Asian guy I have seen before. For some reason he looks familiar, maybe I have had a chat with him before at the table. I didn't talk to him much at first, but then he started talking to me about sectors. I was ok with that, but I got a bit annoyed when he started telling me what numbers would come up. Like he said 31 always came after 14 or something, which completely doesn't make any sense.

After a while a middle aged Caucasian man joined my table. He seemed to play my 0-3 sector with a bit of a variation. We got chatting just a bit, and we both agreed that there was no point in playing at a table alone because it was as if the casino knew what sector you were betting on and would land in the other sector. I was glad I wasn't the only one who thought that. The other thing we had in common was we both got annoyed at the public announcer and how loud she was.

The guy, however, seemed to have much more disdain against the dealers than I did. He made some gestures and muttered some words which could've been taken as offensive against the dealer, and I tried not to encourage any of that.

The Indian dealer came back, and that was when the man left. He gestured towards the dealer and said he was no good, that everyone knew him as the reaper. Indeed, he had nearly killed me earlier. But having heard this now, I felt (stupidly?) challenged to beat "the reaper". I started betting big, and got lucky a few times. That was all I needed, as I was now up by $500. I cashed in and left.

Today at work, I went to court for a matter to observe what would happen. My god, when I got there I saw so many people I knew. At the lifts I saw Julianna and decided to talk to her. She always seems like she doesn't want to talk to me, but meh, I was just excited. Then Alanna saw me and came over and Julianna left. We were talking a bit all the way until she got off in the lift.

Then at court I watched as Emma did the list, and Moira was in the same courtroom and spoke to me too. I felt like I was back in my old world.

I ended up spending half a day at court, and I didn't want to seem like I was bludging, so no gym for me as I stayed in my office to eat.

After work I went to the casino. I've started this practice now of scouring the tables for anyone I might recognise before settling down at one of them. I do this because G mentioned on Saturday (and more recently before that on his birthday) that he has been to the casino and plays roulette. I don't want to bump into him or have him see me bet large amounts of money.

As I neared the end of the tables, I saw the Vietnamese milf talking to some guy at a closed table. I have never really seen her engaged in a conversation, just betting, so I thought it looked kinda novel and a bit cute. I settled down on a table and would look over at her occasionally. After a while she disappeared and I looked around but didn't see her.

Then as I returned to focus on my game, I sensed she was behind me. After a bit, I realised she was now hovering between tables deciding which one to play on. Eventually she started betting on my table. I asked if she was having any luck. She said something I couldn't understand, and I realised she had a very strong Vietnamese accent. She said something about the number 14, I think it's her lucky number and a signal for her to start betting.

Lo and behold, when she started playing, it landed on 14. She was happy, and I was happy she was happy. The next two spins, she lost, although both times it landed in 14 and bounced away. She seemed happy nonetheless and I felt like I was sharing that joy with her.

Then some guy came over and bought in $600 worth of chips. He seemed very confident as he placed piles of chips in specific straight ups and splits. I noticed he had four chips on 23, and I remember that because I remember thinking that that was his best outcome.

The dealer spun, and it landed on...23! But the dealer wasn't paying attention, and placed the dolly on 25 and started wiping the chips away before everyone was like "hey hey, it's 23". He stopped and realised his mistake.  I told him I thought the guy had four chips on 23, and the milf said he had four or five. I was glad she was paying attention too, even though neither of us had bet.

The supervisor went to check the cameras, and came back to say he only had two chips. The guy was outraged. I would swear that he had four chips on 23. I remember that vividly. The supervisor showed him the footage, and he seemed to dispute it. When he came back to the table, I asked what the camera showed, and he said something about chips being around the number 23. The guy got hard done by.

By now, everyone had left the table because the whole process took a long time. Everyone including the milf :(

There was a dealer change later on, I played a small amount on outside bets and then cashed in. I had made a $600 gain. I stood around and watched a bit. I had to wait till as late as possible to return to the office because I didn't want to bump into Ben. I bumped into him last week and I think it would look suss if it happened too many times.

I found myself standing around the milf, and I couldn't resist placing a $100 chip on black and the third column. As soon as I did it, I regretted it. That was uncharacteristic of me and the system that had so far helped me win. It landed on 12. I won $100. I was now up $700 and determined not to play anymore. But I stood around watching some more. Goddamn that milf is hot. Either she is a criminal or she is married to a criminal who gives her money to play. She wore very glitzy rings and had a nice Prada bag. I pictured myself sleeping with her and then being chased by her triad husband. Probably not a good idea. But then again, if she was associated with a criminal, her $10 bets seem to be a bit small for such a character.

So after tonight's win, it's been nearly a month since I've kept the spreadsheet and I can see that I'm now up $6,560. That's more than my net income for a month. And that is despite my $5,600 just a fortnight ago. Imagine if that hadn't of happened. But I can't expect to keep this up. That last result was a result of a lot of lunch time visits, and I can't do that anymore. I'd be happy if all this gambling can pay off my personal loan.

I also slipped $20 into my mum's purse and my dad's wallet. It was kinda hard with my dad's because he had nothing in there, so I think he would know it was from me.

Suji

Friday
Met up with Jim on Friday after work for gym. This time we decided to go to the Wick, because he wasn't entitled to go to the Platinum ones in the city and didn't want any hassle when going in. I was expecting he'd give me a lift there since we were both in the city but he suggested meeting me there.

So I caught a bus there and met him there. The gym session was alright, I did a bit more than last time I was with him, enough to make me not feel guilty about it. He told me that while he was waiting for me, he sat in his car and some guy parked a little too close to him, hitting his car when opening the door. He said the guy didn't bother checking at all and just walked away, so Jim keyed the guy's car and walked away lol. I normally don't condone such a thing, but I don't feel sorry for people who open their doors recklessly hitting other people's cars.

Because of that, Jim said he didn't want to eat in the Wick, so I suggested Chinksford. Jim annoyed me a bit by walking around the whole block before choosing where to eat. I was thinking "just eat anything!" We eventually settled on a small new Japanese place, which was run by some Chinese people.

The food was surprisingly good value. We both got a $15 bento box and in my one they gave me three spring rolls and three tempuras, which were enough on their own already. I actually couldn't even finish my meal. I complimented the owner when we paid and said I'd recommend it to my friends.

After that we went for dessert. I didn't really want to go because I was so full, but Jim wanted to and I knew he knew I'd shout because he drives me, so I had to. I ended up ordering just a tea. We got talking about girls a bit, and I think I let off a bit of steam about how they won't date you if you live at home.

Saturday
I had to attend a CLE course out in the city. I was looking forward to it in the sense that I'd get to hang out with Taren and Ben for the day outside of work, but wasn't looking forward to it in another sense because I was missing out on basketball.

The whole day ended up being just ok. In the morning I got there first, and as I stood in the middle of the room looking around, one Asian girl smiled at me before looking down. After I sat down I tried to get looks at her and thought she wasn't that attractive, but she did look eerily similar to Chris, Nunjo's friend.

At lunch Ben and I ended up talking to her, and found out her name was Melanie. Surprisingly she was in crime and worked for LA. She shared a table with us and others, but the three of us ended up talking in our small little group. She didn't seem like the shy type, asking us all these questions about our work.

Nothing more eventuated from that, as after the day ended we just went our separate ways.

I went home to get Scope's presents, being gift cards, and then headed out back to the city. I was running a bit late and everyone else was too, but Scope got there first. We talked quite a lot, about flipping items and video games, before Thai arrived. We then spent like half an hour waiting for Shuing and G. Shuing said he'd be coming late, and G said he wanted the thing to start as early as possible, so I assumed they'd be coming separately, but when I called G and he said he was waiting for Shuing, for some reason my heart sank and I felt like crying. It's like they always team up together, or Shuing has manipulated G to be under his control.

Shuing annoyed me during dinner by drawing outrageous conclusions again. To get some conversation going, I just jokingly said I wanted to do some prank videos for youtube, and from that Shuing said "seriously, do you like to key people's cars? Do you like to see people get hurt?"

Wow. Fucktard.

Then he brought up that Cityrail article I posted in the fb group recently, and he wanted to debate it until I asked him if he had read the article and he said no. Sheesh.

After dinner we had dessert at Meet Fresh and then we went to play pool at the place under the cinemas.

Sunday
I got to play bball! Not too many people turned up, but enough to get a full court game going. Man, having missed a couple of these, I now found myself struggling physically. My back was hurting a bit and I was out of breath quite easily.

I got to the courts half an hour early, even though I wanted to be an hour early, to work on my shot. It helped so much because in the first few half court games we played my shot was ON! I felt so comfortable that I was taking shots expecting them to go in.

After that I went home, had a shower and slept for maybe an hour before heading out to the casino. I had that familiar feeling of not really wanting to go but I had to. I kept looking around as if I was paranoid that someone would see me. I wasn't sure if there was a large sporting event on that day which would draw more people to the venue.

I was up a bit before a streak nearly killed me. In the end, I ended up being up $700 and left.

I then went to Angel's shop to see her, but I didn't call ahead because I was conscious of there being a record of the call on my phone records. I had budgeted for this one so I didn't need to use any of my winnings for it.

But when I got there, the guy told me she wasn't working and I was shown three girls. The first one may have looked a bit familiar, but who knows, they all look so different with make up on. I ended up picking the second girl, Sugi.

She seemed friendly and talkative in the shower. Onto the bed, she started with a massage first and said I had a nice body and judging by my legs she guessed that I did some kind of sport. I told her and found out that basketball in Korean is "noon-gul".

She was very talkaive as she massaged me, but I wasn't. I kinda felt attached to Angel and wasn't really in the mood for somebody else. She then went down on me and we had sex. After that we talked some more. She said she had been here for six months and had her family back home. She said she was lucky to have met me and thought I looked handsome. I could feel she was coming onto me strong, but I was getting a headache as well, so I was just being polite.

I showed her some of my photos from Seoul, and ended up exchanging our Kakaotalk contacts at her suggestion.We had some laughs, like when she translated something that read "sister fuck live" (she meant to say she lived with her "sister" meaning friend), but nothing like it was with Angel.

She said she was 25 and I told her my age. Strangely she asked me how many times I had been to the shop before. I lied and said about four. I also said I come when I'm bored.

From some angles, she kinda looked a bit like a slightly chubby version of Fat Pat's ex-girlfriend. She had big eyes, but her voice and a bit of wrinkles made me think she may have been older than 25.

She suggested having sex a second time but I was way too tired. I was having one of those "headaches after sex" apparently, and didn't even shower when the buzzer went.

Casino as a community?

Man, for some reason I am so tired, and have been so hungry.

Yesterday and today I have been instructing in the hearing. Not sure if it's because of all the mental energy required to focus, or if it's because I'm missing out on the usual muesli bars I'd eat throughout the day, but it makes me really really hungry by the end of the day, even though I get to have lunch.

Anyway, yesterday I read an article here about this dude getting killed. I could've sworn I saw him or someone similar at the casino within the last week. When exactly, I don't know. I just recall seeing someone like him betting from table to table at roulette. I started wondering if they'd get the CCTV footage from the casino for some reason, and if it'd somehow make its way into a brief, where I'd be recognised by fellow lawyers. Not that I'm doing anything wrong, but you know, best to steer clear of stuff like that.

Last night we played FPB and nearly got into a fight. Jun stoke the ball off a dude, the guy couldn't hack it and chased him down to push him. A foul was called, then Jun threw the ball at his legs, some words exchanged, then the guy punched Jun in the face. I was on the bench and ran onto the court as soon as it happened. The guy got suspended for six months lol. And we won haha.

Today after work I went to the casino. I went with a really weird funny. It was similar to that feeling of not wanting to go but going anyway, but this time it was like, not only did I not want to go, but I didn't want to lose, you know? I had made a lot back and didn't want to lose it all back.

To add to my disappointment, when I got there, there was no one I recognised. Why was I disappointed about that? Was it because I felt I had become part of a community? Did I feel sad that I didn't see my 'friends' there?

I found a table with one guy playing and bought in $800 worth of chips. I soon found myself up about $500. Then a dealer change, to the Chinese guy who spins it really slow. At first I wasn't talking to him, but on one bet I thought I had on red and middle column, but he said it was third column and swiped it away (landed on 32). So we talked about that and I realised I must've been out of it. I realised later that I had bet a split on 13-14 instead of 14-17, something I never do. I wasn't fully concentrating, and that was dangerous.

So I told him I was just tired and stressed, and he asked me what work I did. I told him I was a lawyer, and he delved further. I told him I was in crime, and stupidly later told him I was in government and a prosecutor when asked. Then, another dealer change. Paranoia told me the casino had scooped him away to get info from him about who I was. He had only been dealing for about 10 minutes, so the change made me suspicious.

Anyway, I was up $540 and figured that was plenty, even though I had to pay a $400 traffic infringement fine for my dad and wanted to win more.

I went back to the office to change, and then went to the gym.

Making back my losses

I was supposed to meet Ogre and Moira for lunch today, but in the morning while doing a last minute confirmation with them, Moira said she had become unavailable, so we rescheduled it to a date to be announced. I was kinda relieved because they are in that category of people who I don't look forward to seeing but I don't mind seeing them.

So all of a sudden my lunch time had become vacant.

Which meant I would go to the casino. I had told myself that I'd go at lunch so I didn't have to go after work. I went and found the same dealer as I saw last night. I won $330 and left.

I worked fairly efficiently, finishing my preparation to instruct in tomorrow's hearing. That also meant I now had nothing to do until gym time.

I found myself going to the casino again, even though I was terrified I'd lose what I had already made. I found a table where that Vietnamese MILF was playing and sat down. She is so hot, but looking at her hands, I can tell she'd be about late 30's or early 40's.

I lost the first spin but made some back the next spin. When there was a dealer change, that was when I won the most as it landed on 8, and I had a straight up and three splits. The dealer was that funny Asian guy with a shaved head. I'd seen him here ages ago but haven't seen him on roulette lately.

At the end when I cashed in I jokingly placed my chips on a number. The supervisor said " no more bets sir" and I thought she was serious, thinking I had placed over the limit. Then I realised she was joking and trying to scare me. I had a stack of 20 chips on 1 and I said I'd stay to watch the next spin and I'd scream if it landed on 1.

The dealer joked to his supervisor to press the button lol. As I watched the next spin, the ball dropped into 1 and then bounced out next door to 20. Fucking hell lol.

I left with a $460 gain.

And with that win, I had not only recuperated my earlier loss of $5500, but I was now above my previous overall net gain. Wow.

Alex / ADA interview

Yesterday was raining again, which meant no basketball in the morning. When it started to clear around noon, I headed out to the casino. In a way, I was kinda looking forward to seeing the same people I saw the day before, but when I got there, it was a completely different cast.

I played at a table and started cautiously, telling myself that anything more than $100 was good enough. However, I think winning $2000 the day before had really set some kind of mental standard or goal. Even when up, I found myself subconsciously chasing the $2000 mark. At one stage I was up $1400 but then started losing it back.

There was a dealer who tied his hair back and had a moustache, and on two spins the ball had landed next door to each other. I then said it would be 25 next, being the next number down. I didn't put any money on it, but it did land on 25 lol. The dealer pointed it out and said I should've put money on it. I then said it would be 2 next as that was next to 25, and added "everyone put your money on two" as a joke lol.

There was one grumpy man who complained to another player that the dealer spun the ball too fast. I agree that I prefer slower, gentler spins, but at the end of the day, I don't think either way is going to be more favourable to anyone. After the grumpy man left, the dealer asked the rest of us if we wanted him to spin slower. One guy just said "you're the captain" and I said "up to you, just tell us where the ball is going to land" lol. And he goes "I will tell you after it lands" lol.

After him, the dealer was the lady who looked like Schlong's mum. I was losing a bit but started betting on the 0-3 section. As the ball was spinning, I was deciding where to place my last chips of the stack and decided "screw it, 29" and placed some there. It landed on 29. I can't remember how many I had, but I think it returned about $1500. Now I was up $1320 and I decided to leave.

I couldn't wait until I arrived in the safety of my home to play Last of Us.

Today, I walked to work and realised how long it had been since I had done it, given the recent rain. It felt good.

At about 10:45am, I left the office claiming I was going to the bank, to go to an interview with Ada chambers. I walked there and made it just in time. As I sat there waiting for the lady to come see me, I looked around and saw how 'grand' everything was. I definitely preferred the modern theme of DC's chambers. I couldn't really picture myself here, or at least being happy here, but told myself that going for the interview would be good.

The lady came out to see me and we went into the board room for the interview. We had a chat about where I was and I told her I'd be doing the course in April. She told me that they were super busy and had no rooms available, but had "door tenants", which meant people paid a fee to be associated with the chambers but didn't have a room. They could use the place to meet clients and use the mailing address, but other than that, guess they had to work from home or something.

Also may have 'leaked' to her that DC's chambers didn't take me on because they preferred civil barristers, and also said that I had failed one exam previously. Hmmm. I really should shut up about certain things.

She asked me to contact her closer to the date of my course, and then mentioned that by that time the fees would probably be around $500 whereas now it was $240. I wondered if that was her way of rejecting me. I mean, seriously, other plces give you a room for $500, and here she wanted me to pay $500 for no room??

Anyway, I headed back to work and was lucky enough to catch a bus. I realised I had been gone for 50 minutes. Damn. Just as I walked in, Mob was walking the new girl Alex around. I said we had met before but she didn't seem to remember me. Then she asked "are you from the ATO?" and I was like no, and told her where we had met. She said I looked a bit familiar, which made me feel a bit embarrassed in front of Mob. Later I realised that when we met I probably had hair, and that I looked heaps different with a shaved head.

In the afternoon we had a bit of a chat. Sounded like she didn't enjoy her time with our old office, saying that it was so negative there. I knew what she meant. I think we have the potential to become good work mates.She looked so different to what I remember her as. Maybe she wore more make up back then, and had black hair, but now she looked like really plain Jane.

After work I went to the casino. I couldn't find my ideal table where there were only a few players playing. They were either empty or packed. I found one with a guy playing but he left when I sat down. I bought $800 worth of chips and in almost no time was up $500 thanks to winning on like my first three spins.

I then realised that the supervisor was the Korean girl. She had changed her hairstyle and lost her glasses. She looked so hot in that sensible kinda way. Too bad she doesn't pay much attention to me. I nearly lost all my gains and then ended up with a $550 gain. I sat there for a while thinking before cashing out and leaving.

I went to the office to change and then went to the gym. Made the mistake of going to the closest one which was packed, so could only do the bike.

Casino / Lina / Angel

On Thursday after work, I met Jim for gym. It would be the first day of my recovery after such a huge loss. I was motivated to become a cleaner person.

We went to the one at Bond Street, and there was a problem with his card. Apparently he wasn't entitled to the platinum gym because before it changed to platinum he hadn't averaged two visits a week to a city gym, whereas I had. The guy let him in anyway, but it would be a problem for the future.

At the gym I kinda took it easy because I told him it was my "first time back" hehe. Maybe I was just being lazy. After gym we went to eat Macca's because I told him I wanted to save money (yeah, after a $4000 loss). It felt like a Friday night because we always meet on a Friday night.

He drove me home and we stopped at the 7-11 near my place so I could buy him a donut. I was really after the glaze bites but they didn't have any.

I had also sold my dad's shares in the morning, after swearing I'd never gamble again and just use it to help pay off my debt.

On Friday, I had plans to meet Albert for lunch, so thought I was safe. And I was, until...Mob sent an email around saying she was off to court and wouldn't be back until 3pm. I was so desperate for a hit, I broke my own cardinal rule - going for a more than one hour lunch.

I left the office at midday and went to the casino. I quickly won $1060 and left, then met Albert for lunch. Took him to the food court, and I tried to avoid bringing up Victoria. He mentioned her when he asked if I knew how much she was paying for her chambers. I said no and he said $250 per month. Wow, that is pretty low.

The guy annoyed me as well because he told me we could only defer for two years after completing the practice course. Well that certainly wasn't what he told me before, hence causing me to ask for a two year deferment before doing the course.

Then he annoyed me even more when he told me he picked up a pro bono sexual assault case without his boss knowing, and he was thinking of doing it himself. I was like, you're going to stuff it up, the client will make a complaint against you and it won't look good to the judge, so you better brief a barrister.

He also found a rule which said sols can robe even if not a barrister, hinting that that was what he wanted to do. God, that guy is going down a very dodgy path.

Yesterday it was raining, so I spent a bit of time playing Last of Us, and then I ended up heading out to the casino. I withdrew $2000 and managed to squeeze myself inbetween two guys sitting down at a table. I bought $800 worth of chips and started playing. I had realised that one of the reasons for my recent losses (other than total bad luck) was that I was playing by myself, and hence playing every spin. I can't do that. I'll lose. I need other people around to cop unfavourable spins for me.

The guy on my right won a bit and then later left. The guy on my left was an Indian guy playing dozens and six lines. After a while he left, and an older Asian lady who had been standing and playing at the table took his seat.

She started talking to me, just about numbers and all that. After a while there was a dealer change to an older Asian man called Lawrence. It seemed like the lady knew Lawrence from another table or another occasion. She kept saying this guy would spin doubles or the number next to the previous number.

She wasn't kidding. When he'd spin a number, the next spin would land next to that number. This would only happen two times in a row, and he did this like five or six times. She kept saying to me "you have to believe". On one bet I had won, and then asked for my chips on the number back. It landed on that number again, and the lady hit my arm "why did you take your chips back?" lol. This actually happened twice with Lawrence and once with a subsequent dealer.

I was up about $1900. Unbelievable. After Lawrence, that Vietnamese dealer I had a long chat with before came over for his shift. I was doing ok, and after him was an Aussie guy with a pony tail. I was still doing alright until the girl who looks mildly attractive. She nearly killed me. I had lost my $1900 gain and was down to my original $800.

But you know what? I stood there thinking that it wasn't all bad. I had at least enjoyed myself. I shared some camaraderie with the old lady as we played. I had become to see this as a bit of a community. Was that bad? I thought, even if I left today with no loss or no gain, at least I enjoyed myself.

But after a while I managed to get back up by $2000, due largely to a big win where I had three straight ups and two splits on 36. The girl had spun like 36-4-36-4-36 in a row. Unbelievable. And the lady kept saying to me "you need to believe".

The lady left when there was a dealer change, who was the supervisor acting as a croupier. I didn't like the look of him and left soon after.

I decided to go get a massage and saw a girl called Lina. Didn't seem very talkative or very enthusiastic from the start. Massage was very sports physiotherapist like. I couldn't finish either. She told me she was a student studying marketing. She said she didn't get enough sleep as the previous night she was up talking to her friend whose boyfriend was going to jail.

Anyway, after that I went to see Angel. I forgot that day time rates were cheaper and gave the guy $250, luckily he gave me my change. Our session was pretty much as usual. She asked me why brought so much money and I joked that I was going to see another girl after, and she went quiet lol. I don't think she has any comebacks to that.

She had brought in a coffee for herself and a water for me. When I asked why water she said I always ask for water. After a few sips we were laying down and holding each other and talking. I proposed an outcall for her, asking how much she would make on a Friday night. She was a bit hesitant, saying times had changed recently. I asked if it was $1000 and she said in the past yes, but recently not as much. I offered to pay her $1000 for a night and said we could go to the Hilton. She said she had to work and I said she could think about it.

We would flirt a bit back and forth and looked close to kissing at times, but I don't think she would've. I think she was in the mood for sex, but by the time that happened we only had 20 minutes left. We talked a bit about orgasms and I asked if she had ever had one while working and she said no because it needed to come from the heart.

We talked about dogs as well. She said when she was young she was attacked by a dog who bit her on the bum, but her dog saved her. I joked that if she was "young" back then then it meant she was old now. She said of course, and I tried to guess her age. I said "I think you are..." before realising my true guess might offend her so I just said "you are...beautiful". We talked a bit about that as well and she said she didn't think she was the most beautiful girl in the shop. I think Misha still works there, that's why.

She told me she felt "dizzy" but pronounced it as "disease" which cracked me up lol. She also told me she had sent $2000 to a friend but had sent it to the wrong account. She said she went into the bank to try to fix it up and they told her to call, and when she called they told her to go to a branch. I said "if you want help, I am here", then added "if you don't want help, I am here" which made her laugh.

I showed her photos of my cats from facebook, but I think she may have seen a photo of me and Lina as I scrolled through, and also may have seen my 'Erica' album on facebook. She took the phone off me when I got to the cats album and she flicked through the photos herself.

When the session was up, I put on my shoes and she opened the door. She held me back as there was a customer coming through, then she let me out. Is aw the girl following the customer and tried to see if I'd recognise her as one of Jin's friends. I didn't, but then again, these girls look completely different with make up on. I wondered if Angel would ever find out about my past with Jin.

Finally a loss

Wow what a week.

On Tuesday I had my private hearing. I felt like I didn't do as much preparation for this one as I did for the last one. Maybe it was because it was the same matter but just different witness? Or maybe gambling had taken over me so much that I just didn't care anymore? The perfect me would've prepared night and day for this, but I didn't. Strangely though, I went into it with a feeling of "just ask him questions" or "just wing it" and it was a comforting feeling.

The hearing actually went pretty well. Maybe it was because I was relaxed. Even Kym said it was a good job.

After work I went to the casino. For some reason I couldn't withdraw the whole $2000 as it said I had exceeded my daily withdrawal limit, even though the only thing I had done that day was buy a bottle of water for $0.80 using direct debit. Oh well. I decided to withdraw $1600. Might be even better if I lost.

And I did lose. It wasn't a good feeling, even though overall I was still up. But it haunted me so much that I...


...woke up extra early on Wednesday morning to go to the casino. I had come home in my suit the night before, so when my dad asked why I was leaving so early, I just said it was because of work. I got out there at about 7am. Only one table open. The dealer was an Australian lady I had never seen before. There was also an Australian lady playing colours with $100 chips, always with her head down.

I looked at the history of numbers and she seemed to have spun evenly enough. Then she hit the 0-3 sector twice in a row. I was betting big, using $400 per spin to try to chase my losses. She spun 0-3 five times in a row in total which hurt me. Then I started betting 0-3 and she hit the other sector. She was jumping, which killed me.

I suppose as expected, this hurt me like hell. I went back after work. But not before I went for a punt. I had found this girl on WeChat, and decided to see her. Surprisingly, when I turned up, it was the same girl I had seen ages ago called Chaya. Back then she was Thai. Now she claimed she was half Vietnamese and half Korean.

After that I went to the casino. I had withdrawn some money in person at the bank just before closing time. I went to the table closest to the entrance, where the dealer was the Chinese guy I had said before whether I should leave and he said it was up to me. He has the softest spin ever, even some other guy leaving said it.

Because I had withdrawn the money from the bank, they were all in $100 notes. The pit boss came over and started scanning the money with some sort of infrared thing. There was a girl watching and she kept looking at me. The obvious inference was that I was someone who had fake money. I tried to joke it off by saying "never seen that before" and the pit boss didn't even look at me, and just walked away.

FUCKING CUNT!

I was so pissed off.

Then, something even more ridiculous happened. The dealer actually spun up the 1-2 sector 13 times in a row.

THIRTEEN TIMES IN A ROW!

At first I was betting against it, then won on one spin riding it, but ultimately lost. I mean, are you kidding me? How does that ball not land in the 0-3 sector once within 13 spins?

I used to have doubts and think I was just paranoid that the casino had rigged things for me to lose, but now this seems to be pretty good proof. What are the odds that the wheel spins evenly before I arrive, but as soon as I sit down it starts going on a streak?? Seriously?

I was so angry and depressed that I withdrew $250 from my credit card to go see Angel. I was early, so walked all the way there and then had Macca's nearby. When I went into the shop, the owner said he would call her. I later heard him speaking to someone in Korean and mentioned "Angel". In a different call, I heard him speak Mandarin.

When he came to get the money from me, I asked if he could speak Mandarin and Korean and he said yes. He told me where he was born (I forgot) and I said he was very talented. He asked me where I was from and said I didn't look it.

After a bit, he called me out and I saw Angel in the hallway. We went to a room upstairs, and once inside, she wrapped her arms around my neck and said something in Korean. I said "ne" meaning yes in Korean, and she said I didn't even know what she was saying. I said she was saying I was very handsome, and she laughed, and said she was asking if I wanted coffee.

So she went out to get coffee while I sat up on the bed. She returned later with two coffees and we sipped it while talking. She told me she hurt her back, "lumbar spine" and had been to see a doctor, hence she had been busy that day.

Somehow we got talking about her family and she said her dad passed away a few years ago. She also said she had six sisters. She said something about her family liking her, and I was like "me too". She paused, and said "you are joking?" and I was like "no, I never joke". She then asked me if I was Korean and she said yes, and she broke out into laughter. Hmmm.

I was kinda tired, so just wanted to hold her and lie down. We did that for a bit, but for a while she couldn't stop talking, asking me about English words for different parts of the lower body, like thigh and leg. I joked "I pay to teach you English?" and she laughed and taught me a word in Korean which I can't remember now.

I showed her my ice bucket challenge video which made her laugh.

After a while she seemed to know I just wanted to lie down and she went quiet as we would sometimes look into each others eyes. But then I started talking again.

After that I went home. I felt like shit because I had lost all that money, but Angel seemed to make things a bit better, even though I knew it was all false.

Albert - the sole link to Victoria

I was pretty adamant that I wouldn't go, or need to go, to the casino today.

At lunch I could either go see that fortune teller or go get my running the red light infringement witnessed (my dad did it, not me). So in the morning I text the fortune teller, who previously told me she was returning today, asking if she was working today. No reply until close to lunch, she says not today but she is starting tomorrow.

My scumbag brain then told me that, hey, I don't need to walk all the way down to the other end of the city for a JP to witness my signature, I have a place full of lawyers to help me! Ok, so maybe not a place full, since Taran was away today, but I did end up getting Ben to do it for me.

Which meant...I had time to go to the casino.

I did my usual walk over there, mentally praying for a non-loss, as if I was mentally preparing for a basketball game. I nodded to the security as usual, and she asked if I was there for an interview. I chuckled a bit and shook my head and continued walking, when she called me back. She said I didn't look 18 (bullshit) and asked for my ID. I joked with her that you had to add a few years for Asians and she laughed.

Once inside I found a table where the Korean supervisor was working. I went over as there was only one guy playing. I bought in $800 worth of chips. She asked me and the other guy at the same time if we had member cards, and I said no. She wasn't wearing her glasses today, and I noticed she had a huge bandage on her finger.

I didn't do too well, and kept looking over at her, but she just seemed to stare into space. Some drunk guy came over, bet on a few numbers and won like $800 in one spin. She told him to just take it and go and seemed to find him funny. I was about to lose the last $200 of my $800 and ready to pull out the rest of my $1200 when I was saved.

I was up $280, then did a small bet to get up to $300. I stood there thinking for a long time, and the dealer never spun. Finally I told him I was thinking about leaving, and he said it was up to me. I cashed in and left.

I walked back to the main part of the city to deposit my cash. I checked my phone and saw that Albert had sent me a message asking if I was free for lunch. I said not today, and offered tomorrow or Friday. No reply for the rest of the day.

My mind started to wander - had Victoria asked him to ask me? Maybe they were having lunch today and she suggested to invite me at the last minute? Fanciful, I know. But that's my mind, I'm afraid. I just found it a bit odd that the guy never even asked about my exam results, and now months later asks me out to lunch.

He is my only link to Victoria now. Maybe he will drop some things about how Victoria is going. Maybe he will ask me what happened to me and her.

For my hearing tomorrow, the boss had come to speak to me about the other side wanting an adjournment. He asked me what Kym thought, and I said he didn't really have a view. Then Kym came over and when asked, he expressed a strong desire for the matter to go ahead tomorrow. I felt like the boss thought I was a liar, and that haunted me for the rest of the day.

Maybe it was that, or maybe it was the gambling, or maybe both, that caused my brain to be really fucked up for the rest of the day. I felt like all the wires in my brain had short circuited. I felt like I couldn't function or think properly anymore. This gambling was really getting to me.

Remember how I asked a long time ago whether gambling was only a problem if you were losing? Now I know the answer. It's not. It can be a problem even if you're winning, because it consumes you. You think about it day in and day out, and you constantly want more and more. Enough is never enough. Whatever you win, you want more. You want to go back. You want to indulge. You want to win more.

It takes away from everything else in your life. It becomes you. You are no longer yourself. You are an addict.