Albert - the sole link to Victoria
I was pretty adamant that I wouldn't go, or need to go, to the casino today.
At lunch I could either go see that fortune teller or go get my running the red light infringement witnessed (my dad did it, not me). So in the morning I text the fortune teller, who previously told me she was returning today, asking if she was working today. No reply until close to lunch, she says not today but she is starting tomorrow.
My scumbag brain then told me that, hey, I don't need to walk all the way down to the other end of the city for a JP to witness my signature, I have a place full of lawyers to help me! Ok, so maybe not a place full, since Taran was away today, but I did end up getting Ben to do it for me.
Which meant...I had time to go to the casino.
I did my usual walk over there, mentally praying for a non-loss, as if I was mentally preparing for a basketball game. I nodded to the security as usual, and she asked if I was there for an interview. I chuckled a bit and shook my head and continued walking, when she called me back. She said I didn't look 18 (bullshit) and asked for my ID. I joked with her that you had to add a few years for Asians and she laughed.
Once inside I found a table where the Korean supervisor was working. I went over as there was only one guy playing. I bought in $800 worth of chips. She asked me and the other guy at the same time if we had member cards, and I said no. She wasn't wearing her glasses today, and I noticed she had a huge bandage on her finger.
I didn't do too well, and kept looking over at her, but she just seemed to stare into space. Some drunk guy came over, bet on a few numbers and won like $800 in one spin. She told him to just take it and go and seemed to find him funny. I was about to lose the last $200 of my $800 and ready to pull out the rest of my $1200 when I was saved.
I was up $280, then did a small bet to get up to $300. I stood there thinking for a long time, and the dealer never spun. Finally I told him I was thinking about leaving, and he said it was up to me. I cashed in and left.
I walked back to the main part of the city to deposit my cash. I checked my phone and saw that Albert had sent me a message asking if I was free for lunch. I said not today, and offered tomorrow or Friday. No reply for the rest of the day.
My mind started to wander - had Victoria asked him to ask me? Maybe they were having lunch today and she suggested to invite me at the last minute? Fanciful, I know. But that's my mind, I'm afraid. I just found it a bit odd that the guy never even asked about my exam results, and now months later asks me out to lunch.
He is my only link to Victoria now. Maybe he will drop some things about how Victoria is going. Maybe he will ask me what happened to me and her.
For my hearing tomorrow, the boss had come to speak to me about the other side wanting an adjournment. He asked me what Kym thought, and I said he didn't really have a view. Then Kym came over and when asked, he expressed a strong desire for the matter to go ahead tomorrow. I felt like the boss thought I was a liar, and that haunted me for the rest of the day.
Maybe it was that, or maybe it was the gambling, or maybe both, that caused my brain to be really fucked up for the rest of the day. I felt like all the wires in my brain had short circuited. I felt like I couldn't function or think properly anymore. This gambling was really getting to me.
Remember how I asked a long time ago whether gambling was only a problem if you were losing? Now I know the answer. It's not. It can be a problem even if you're winning, because it consumes you. You think about it day in and day out, and you constantly want more and more. Enough is never enough. Whatever you win, you want more. You want to go back. You want to indulge. You want to win more.
It takes away from everything else in your life. It becomes you. You are no longer yourself. You are an addict.
At lunch I could either go see that fortune teller or go get my running the red light infringement witnessed (my dad did it, not me). So in the morning I text the fortune teller, who previously told me she was returning today, asking if she was working today. No reply until close to lunch, she says not today but she is starting tomorrow.
My scumbag brain then told me that, hey, I don't need to walk all the way down to the other end of the city for a JP to witness my signature, I have a place full of lawyers to help me! Ok, so maybe not a place full, since Taran was away today, but I did end up getting Ben to do it for me.
Which meant...I had time to go to the casino.
I did my usual walk over there, mentally praying for a non-loss, as if I was mentally preparing for a basketball game. I nodded to the security as usual, and she asked if I was there for an interview. I chuckled a bit and shook my head and continued walking, when she called me back. She said I didn't look 18 (bullshit) and asked for my ID. I joked with her that you had to add a few years for Asians and she laughed.
Once inside I found a table where the Korean supervisor was working. I went over as there was only one guy playing. I bought in $800 worth of chips. She asked me and the other guy at the same time if we had member cards, and I said no. She wasn't wearing her glasses today, and I noticed she had a huge bandage on her finger.
I didn't do too well, and kept looking over at her, but she just seemed to stare into space. Some drunk guy came over, bet on a few numbers and won like $800 in one spin. She told him to just take it and go and seemed to find him funny. I was about to lose the last $200 of my $800 and ready to pull out the rest of my $1200 when I was saved.
I was up $280, then did a small bet to get up to $300. I stood there thinking for a long time, and the dealer never spun. Finally I told him I was thinking about leaving, and he said it was up to me. I cashed in and left.
I walked back to the main part of the city to deposit my cash. I checked my phone and saw that Albert had sent me a message asking if I was free for lunch. I said not today, and offered tomorrow or Friday. No reply for the rest of the day.
My mind started to wander - had Victoria asked him to ask me? Maybe they were having lunch today and she suggested to invite me at the last minute? Fanciful, I know. But that's my mind, I'm afraid. I just found it a bit odd that the guy never even asked about my exam results, and now months later asks me out to lunch.
He is my only link to Victoria now. Maybe he will drop some things about how Victoria is going. Maybe he will ask me what happened to me and her.
For my hearing tomorrow, the boss had come to speak to me about the other side wanting an adjournment. He asked me what Kym thought, and I said he didn't really have a view. Then Kym came over and when asked, he expressed a strong desire for the matter to go ahead tomorrow. I felt like the boss thought I was a liar, and that haunted me for the rest of the day.
Maybe it was that, or maybe it was the gambling, or maybe both, that caused my brain to be really fucked up for the rest of the day. I felt like all the wires in my brain had short circuited. I felt like I couldn't function or think properly anymore. This gambling was really getting to me.
Remember how I asked a long time ago whether gambling was only a problem if you were losing? Now I know the answer. It's not. It can be a problem even if you're winning, because it consumes you. You think about it day in and day out, and you constantly want more and more. Enough is never enough. Whatever you win, you want more. You want to go back. You want to indulge. You want to win more.
It takes away from everything else in your life. It becomes you. You are no longer yourself. You are an addict.
posted by toey | 20:12
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