I asked Claire out...

Monday
We had that "newbie meeting". It was the second, a follow up to the first. I went around collecting everyone, which was harder than it seemed. I had Lewis, then was waiting for the girls, and once I had the girls, Lewis had disappeared. Grrr.

The meeting went ok. The deputy boss wanted to know our 'criticisms'. I just gave praise to supervisors (read: Alanna; also read: that Trent guy is a fuckwit) and said the training with the computer system should've come later when we found out more about how things worked. That, is fairly diplomatic. Other people were not.

Maybe the deputy appreciated their honesty. Maybe I came off as phoney. Eh. I played it safe.

Afterwards we went back to our offices before going to lunch. Originally Dugon was in, but I was pretty sure when she knew Zena was out then she'd be out too. And I was right - she said she had work to do for the list the next day and bailed. So it was just Turk, Karina, Lewis and I.

We went to the food court in Chinatown. We had an ok time. It was an unusual combination - a first. We had a few laughs, but nothing really 'bonding'. I don't know if it was noticeable, but I treated Karina like I did with anyone else. No special treatment. That, in itself, meant a bit of distance had been created. I'd just figured that if she never came into my room to initiate conversation, then there was no point in me doing it anymore. Things have got to be two way streets.

Tuesday
I went for a swim in the morning, did my 10 laps and left. Felt refreshed, but was seriously tired by about lunch time.

At the end of the day, Heath came up for a chat. More of a whinge really. He said his supervisor went to see him about a fax coversheet which said there were three pages but which actually had four. I was like "OMG are you serious???"

I left work at the same time as Turk so we went down together. Conversation was just polite until I mentioned what Heath had been through earlier, which really got the ball rolling. We ended up talking at the street corner for probably half an hour - first about how pedantic everyone here was, then about how some people were pricks (read: that Trent guy), then about career progression. I found that she finds it difficult to work with her supervisor, Erin. I could sense a bit of beef there. She also seemed to complain a bit about her old work place, about how everyone was Anglo and went out for a beer every Friday.

So that went on for a while, and I left wondering whether I had said too much. But then again, she didn't exactly hold back. I guess exchange of information is a way of bonding and trust.

I saw that girl at the gym. Didn't get any vibes from her, and maybe because of that, I didn't feel anything for her either. No love found, no love lost I guess.

Today
Work was kinda dull, just prepared for a hearing. I've notched 15 files this month, which I'm pretty proud of, especially since I was out at court for three days.

At the end of lunch, Lewis came to talk to me, then Heath saw us and joined. I swear Lewis laughs so loud. It got to the point where Lynette came and had a look at us. They talked for way too long. But I couldn't exactly ask them to leave. Then Turk joined in, and I took a cue to go photocopy something for her in hope that they would get the hint.

Speaking of Lynette, she's getting a bit annoying. A few weeks ago I was just unloading the dishwasher, and she said she thought I did it because it was Karina's turn. I said I do it whenever I'm free and waiting for my toast, regardless of whose turn it is. Then today, I was walking behind her and passed Karina's room. I noticed a sign up, saying she was on leave until next Wednesday. When I finished reading, Lynette deliberately pretended she wasn't watching me read it. Grrrr.

I bought some shares today, was pretty exciting to finally see some 'progress' in terms of saving money, or at least, buying back my dad's shares which I sold in my gambling addiction. It made me feel like I knew what I was doing, and it was something good for the future. I don't know why, but just putting all my excess income into paying off my credit card isn't working, so I might as well change strategy.

I left work at 5pm, just like yesterday. Too tired to stay longer, and my eyes are really tired. I'm so short sighted now it's not funny.

I bumped into Rom at the bus stop, and we had a long chat, really exhausted it until I finally decided to catch like the millionth bus that came.

I went to the gym, and found it peaceful and it relieved my headache. After gym, in the car park in my car, I called Claire. There were enough rings for me to nearly hang up, until she picked up.

I asked if she had gotten a new phone yet which made her laugh a bit. She said no, but had been looking it up a bit on the internet and would probably get the Blackberry. I told her that Ele couldn't organise anything for the long weekend because everyone else had made plans, but that if she wanted to, she could come to the treasure hunt thing on Saturday.

I tried to explain it to her but then said I'd just send the info to her email. I also asked if she wanted to go to aqua golf next week. She asked "who else is going?" and it took me by surprise. I thought about saying "just me" but that sounded kinda lame, so I said I didn't know.

Having had some time to think it through, I decided to just bite the bullet. I sent her the info via email, and told her that it would be just the two of us for aqua golf. If she doesn't want to go, then fine, at least you can end it early and stop wasting time and move on.

Was this a date?

In the morning I went to the courts to have a shoot around. I had a bit of fun just dancing around with the basketball and doing random shots. I really felt the 'beauty' of shooting coming back. I'm amazed I still have it.

After that I went straight to the pool to meet A. Found him sitting there calmly reading the paper. I asked how long he had been there and he said he had been at the gym earlier.

So that explains why he changed it to 9am.

We talked as he had to add more visits onto his card and then we went to the change room. He didn't shower before he went in so neither did I. He wanted to go into the deep end but I said I wanted to go to the shallow end cause I still wasn't confident yet.

We went to the lane furthest away and started doing our laps. He wanted to do five laps because he counted each 25m as one lap, but I count one lap as 50m, so ended up convincing him to do 10 laps on my count.

We alternated in the sense that we'd pass eachother at around the midpoint mark, and rested every now and then to have a chat. It was really good to see him again. It seems that no matter how much time separates us, we always manage to resume where we last set off.

I dropped A off at his place and then went home to take a shower and get changed. I went to the Wick to donate a few shirts and then drove to Parra to meet Claire. I had under-estimated the time needed to get there, and also didn't expect there to be so much traffic in the car park, so I was about 15 minutes late.

I called her when I got to the car park to tell her. It was a bit weird to hear her voice and speak on the phone because I really hadn't seen her in about a year or more. She said she was in the bookstore just looking around.

After I parked, I went to withdraw some money and then went to look for her at the bookstore. As I approached the bookstore, I could feel my freedom coming to an end. It wasn't exactly a pleasant feeling. Inside the store, I saw a girl near the front counter who I thought was her, but then thought she was a bit chubbier and a little bit more plain than Claire, so I decided to go look elsewhere.

I walked deeper into the store and looked into the aisles and then saw the back of her. Phew, was I glad the front counter girl wasn't her.

I went around the shelf to go behind her. I approached and said "literature?" as she had picked up a book from the literature shelf. It surprised her a bit as she covered her mouth and started laughing.

We had a chat as we walked out of the book store. I asked her what she felt like. I suggested sushi, but she said she had had that for the past two days. We took a walk downstairs to check out several restaurants, and in the end decided on a Thai place that Bob and I had been to a few times after gym.

We caught up with things about what I had been up to, what she had been up to (work and study), Shuing and G's girlfriend. We had our first real laugh when I teased her about her reaction to G having a girlfriend.

We shared our dishes a bit, I noticed I took more from her dish than she did from mine. My one was too spicy, so that's why I preferred hers. I actually also just wanted to create more of a bond - technique stolen from Elleon.

I had paid for the meals. She looked like she was prepared to pay but then I got to it first and she didn't say anything.

I told her about my surgery as well, which freaked her out a bit. She seemed to like my stories about Lismore. I tried to get out what she got up to, but either she doesn't get up to much or she's covering up. But then again, she did say later on that she hadn't seen any movies lately, so maybe it was the truth. She seemed to really like New Moon.

After eating, we went to various phone stores in the mall because she was looking for a new phone. She wanted something like a Blackberry but with bigger buttons. There was another funny moment when after checking out a store, we walked out and I said "I don't think there's anymore", only to see one right next door and I said "here's one", which made us both laugh, lol.

We also checked out JB, and I saw her look at her watch. I asked her if she had to go, and she said in 30 minutes. I was a bit disappointed because I had planned to watch a movie with her. I later asked if she had to go somewhere and she said she just needed to move her car. So I suggested we could watch a movie.

She wanted to watch Wall Street, so we went to check the times, and there was one session at 4pm. So we went to move our cars, and I ended up parking on the same level as her. We went to the Gloria Jeans to have a drink and we half read magazines and half chatted.

Before I knew it, it was already 3:45pm, and so we went to the cinema. I paid again, and she offered to pay for her ticket, but I declined and said she could return the favour when she found a job in the city.

I was a bit sleepy in the movie, but managed to stay awake through it. I had half my mind on the movie and half my mind trying to figure out how I could initiate some body contact. The only time we touched was when we both had our elbows on the arm rest.

The movie was ok, I thought there'd be more of a philosophical focus on greed. But it was good cause it at least raised the issue of greed and money. We both seemed to agree afterwards that it was human nature to just want more. She joked about the "never sleep" name, which was the slogan for her company.

We walked to the car park and I told her about how Ele was trying to organise something for next Monday, so I'd call her if there was anything.

The work week past

Wow, it's sort of been a busy week, haven't had time to blog.

Monday
I had the list the next day so in the morning I went to introduce myself to Ben. I had this huge fear that he was going to be like that Trent guy, so I was very cautious. He told me to go back to see him after lunch when all the files would be with him. Couldn't tell much from that encounter.

It was also the beginning of the long absence of Alanna. I think I coped ok. Ogre joked that I had to do 16 files. I told her she might regret saying that.

Tuesday
I did the list with Ben, so got to spend a bit more time with him. He turned out to be a pretty nice guy. He struck me as someone who would cut to the chase, and not talk BS chatter. On our way to court we talked a bit about our backgrounds.

I just assisted him with the list as he didn't require me to do any files, and besides, it was only twenty something matters. I watched him as he did his thing in court, and he was a pretty decent advocate, learned a bit from him.

I saw that girl I saw ages ago when I had a plea at Waverley. She's very pretty. At one stage, she was sitting in the front row waiting, and I glanced over at her as I wiped my nose with a tissue. She smiled at me. I had looked away already, and looked back at her to smile. I wonder if she recognises me as familiar.

We had a long morning tea because of the small number of matters, so went to get a coffee and had a chat. He didn't have any money so I shouted him coffee. We had a good talk about our work, and then we went to check out Brett Stewart's trial. He looks exactly like he does on tv, lol.

During lunch we went back to our office and I checked my email and Genie had sent me one saying she had been transferred to Pros 3! I went to her room and had a chat to her about it, apparently her new supervisor is going to be that Trent guy, so that pretty much means I won't be visiting her anytime soon.

After lunch I had to take JK to court for her to observe. Gonaz also had a matter in court and the three of us plus Ben were waiting outside. We had some jokes about the Brett Stewart trial and at that moment I felt I really clicked with Ben.

We finished the list fairly early and easily, and headed back to the office, where in his room we sorted out the files. I said I'd take the files down to registry but he offered to come, so he did.

I was pretty exhausted after that and didn't feel like doing any work, but I did, because thinking about that Trent guy just motivated me.

Wednesday
Ben called to offer to buy me a coffee in return, so I met him in the lobby and we went to this small take away cafe in another office building. I sort of knew there was a reason behind him doing this apart from the coffee, and it was because of one particular file that had gone wrong on the previous day. He said he might need my help and I agreed to help if he needed.

For the rest of the day I got some sporadic correspondence from him about it, and as I learned more about it, I realised it was quite a big stuff up. I felt sorry for him, such a nice guy and a mistake like this. I felt like telling him that everyone makes mistakes and we all learn from it, but didn't think it was appropriate given he was much higher than me.

Friday
So Ogre's been marking my briefs, and I've come to realise that she doesn't really know these matters very well. My suspicions first formed when she came to ask me where she could find something in a brief. But now she was asking me how the schedules were verified, which really is the first thing we're taught to do. Hmmm.

I went to lunch with Lewis and Heath. It was probably the best work lunch I've had since I've come here. I tentatively brought up the Trent guy, and they surprised me because their views were the same! They said they had forgotten a file too and he had reacted the same way. To be honest, I was a little disappointed he wasn't giving me special treatment because of who I was, but I was also glad these guys shared my disdain. They reacted exactly like I had. And Heath also had arrived at my conclusion that he only acted like that because his dad works here as well.

Also found out that Heath was an acting SLO in Canberra. I knew there was a SLO feel to him.

We had so many laughs, it was great. Found out from Heath there's sooooooo much politics in our office. It really depressed me a little. The only downside to the lunch was that the food came a bit slow, which meant we were about ten minutes late returning to the office. It was a nice steak with mash and gravy though.

After work I caught the bus to Bondy. Plan was to get the car and then go to the gym at Wick, but dad wasn't picking up his phone. So I decided to go to the gym there and try again later. But he still wasn't picking up the phone.

I called Shuing and told him my problem, and he didn't have a car either. He took it as a hint that I didn't want to go, but I had bailed last week and I didn't want to do it again. I was angry at Malay and G for bailing. But in the end, I went up to my dad's restaurant to get the keys from him, and then got the car.

I drove home to change a bit, then went to Shuing's house. Turned out to be a bit of a mistake. I reckon in the first five minutes he dropped about 50 f-bombs about the Roosters. I had a problem with it because: 1) I supported them; and 2) he only hated them because they lost him money. It was a side of Shuing I had only had glimpses of before, but never saw it as this big. He was completely obsessed with sports betting now. He even mentioned that he desperately needed to find ways to make money.

Ummm...get a job?

I wonder if at my darkest moment, I was this bad. I know I said to Bob at the casino once "are you trying to stop me from making money?", which I suppose is pretty bad.

I felt very uneasy, and maybe even a little intimidated as I sat there. I was silent for pretty much the entire first half of the game. It was only until halftime when we had a chance to talk about other stuff that I felt a bit more relaxed. He didn't even know G's car had been burnt.

The following occurred:

Me: You gotta check facebook man.

Him: Why?

Me: To find out stuff, like his car burning down.

Him: Well I wouldn't of known.

Exactly.

He just struck me as a much changed man. I pondered in the back of my mind as to whether I should tell him I was meeting Claire on Sunday. I decided not to. I wondered if I was doing him the dirty. I don't think Claire would like him in his current state anyway.

We ate our pizza and watched the game. He continued to swear as the Roosters won the game, and kept saying how they would lose in the finals. I was soooooo relieved to get out of there. I want to watch the finals with him and the other guys, but after this, I'm not so sure now.

I hurried away on the pretense that I had to pick my dad up.

Today
Went to the doctor's in the morning because I had an itchy nipple and it concerned me after doing a bit of google research. He prescribed me some ointment.

I then went to the gym at the Wick, then went home to wash the car. I bummed around a bit before going to the Bondy gym. After that, I checked out the bookstore. What I was really interested in were books on how to reduce debt and to create wealth. I quickly flicked through some and got what I thought were good tips. From then on, I kept thinking about buying shares as I made my way to the gym in the Bra.

I was pretty darn tired, but was glad I got through it all. I swear I'm going to have the strongest knees after this.

I went to get some KFC for a very late lunch, but ended up lining up for way too long as there was some trainee there slowing things down. I didn't realise the magnitutde of the delay until I got my food and walked out to see the line had gotten very very long.

I watched the football earlier over dinner, good game, can't wait till the finals.

In terms of my knee, it's feeling better as time passes. As I've incorporated that bending knee exercise while standing, my flexion has gotten better. Sometimes when I'm sitting I'll lift my leg up to feel that tension there, or when I'm standing I'll bend my leg just to check that it's there. Sometimes it's not there, and although it's good news, I kinda miss it.

So for about two or three weeks now, I've been sliding down against the wall using a ball. It makes things a bit faster and easier.

My knee is beginning to look the same as my good one. There is probably still a minute bit of swelling there. I'm tempted to go for a small jog, but resist. I've got the urge to do a huge jump stop and dunk. But right now, I reckon if I played, I would be like ten ssteps slower than before.

Today Claire sent me a facebook message changing the venue to Parra. I wonder why she did it. My only conclusion is that because she's not working right now, she wants to save money on parking. That's the only thing I can think of. She also said she can't receive messages on her phone. Maybe that's why there was that whole message controversy back then. I can't even remember why I had given up on her. I've been trying to look for that karaoke photo where she leans into me, but can't find it anymore =(

Whole day out

Wow, seems like so much has happened, and it's only been one or two days.

Nabi ≠ Naby
So curiousity got the better of me and I ended up going to that place. I made a booking and inquired about an hour, but on the drive there I figured it'd be smarter if I saw her first and if it wasn't her then I'd just pay for 45 minutes.

I found the street fairly easily, and it was like a two storey townhouse, with the unmistakable blind hanging down the front to tell everyone that there's something to hide. Pressing the bell, I was greeted by this chubby guy who let me in, and immediately asked me how I found out about the place. He asked "internet?" and I said yeah.

I sat in the waiting room a bit and asked to go to the bathroom, and he looked like he didn't know how to answer before finally saying someone was using it. He asked me how long I wanted to stay, and even though I hadn't seen the girl yet, I only paid for 45 minutes.

A while later, I was asked to follow him, and just around the corner stood a girl. The moment I saw her, I had a mental comparison, it was like a flash, comparing the image in front of me to my memory of Naby.

It wasn't her.

This girl was shorter, and probably younger. She had that plain Jane look about her, but in a very sexy kinda way. She didn't need much make up to be beautiful.

She led me upstairs and I said I wanted to use the bathroom. Her English wasn't very good, but I got the idea she wanted to to do it in the shower. Ummm...ok, whatever.

After that we showered and then did our thing. The room and bed were kinda dirty, which really argue against going back to that place. But the price wasn't bad, and this girl is kinda nice. We didn't get much of a connection going until afterwards when she gave me a massage, and I said the pillow was "pei gei" which surprised her. She asked if I had Korean friends and I said a few.

I had originally thought that bringing up any Korean would imply that I was a frequest with Korean girls, but it seemed to have the opposite effect - she reciprocated the interest that I took in her (or at least, her culture). She asked if I was a student and I laughed and said I worked. We talked about normal mundane stuff, and then I said I was going swimming afterwards. She said that must've been why I had a nice body, and used her hands to outline my chest.

What really struck me with this girl was that even after the buzzer went, she kept massaging me as if there was no time limit. Wow. And her massage was pretty good too.

I had received a missed call from Ele, she left a message inviting me to a barbeque the next day. I drove off a bit and then stopped to call her, but no answer. I continued home where I changed and then went to the gym.

After gym I went swimming. I did at least 11 laps (I lost count a bit) but what really impressed me was that I could swim 25 metres holding just one breath!!! WOW!!! I had just told myself to see how far I could go, but as I went further and further, I was like "hold it...hold it...a bit more..."

But the downer was that I found out I can, for whatever reason, no longer float :(

After that I went home to have a shower, and then went out to get pizza for the family. I actually just wanted it because the football was on, hehe. While waiting for the pizza, I called Ele and she picked up. She said there was a barbeque the next day and there were a total of 18 people including me - 12 guys and six girls.

I didn't really feel like going by myself, so I invited Malay and G, but Malay probably thought it wasn't his type of friends, and G had to go shopping with his parents. I also thought that the gender thing was a bit uneven, so I quickly tried to think of which girl I could take. The only suitable girl I could think of was Claire.

When I got home, I messaged Claire on facebook, inviting her to the barbeue.

Whole Day Out
No reply from Claire in the morning. I was still trying to persuade Malay, but I knew it was futile.

I went to the courts in the morning to do my exercises. There was just a father and son shooting around. I could hear them talk a bit. I heard the son say "that's ok dad" and it really hit me emotionally. I wish I had a son who could say that. I could tell they had a really good relationship. I hope that one day my relationship with my son will be like that.

After that I went back home. I knew Ele was fairly punctual, so I got there on time, but found no one at the park. I then drove to the original meeting place and saw no one. I went back to the park and now saw some Asian people. I guess that's them.

I went over and recognised Sterling. Ele was on her phone. There was a guy and two other girls. One girl struck me as very pretty, and we made a bit of eye contact. Turns out she was the guy's girlfriend.

I went to talk to Sterling, and then Ele came over to say hi. There was another guy there who was a radiologist or something. We all went to kick a soccer ball around, with me kicking with my left leg only.

When we finished kicking, we went back to the cooking area. I was holding the soccer ball, and then someone slapped it out of my hands from behind. It shocked me a bit at first, because I was wondering who I knew there well enough to do that. Ele was in front of me so it wasn't her.

I turned around. It was Eva!

We hugged, and I was very conscious of Michael L watching. She said she had been back for three weeks and had started a new job. She seemed pretty proud.

We then decided to go shopping for the food. I volunteered to drive. Ele's original idea was for me and Ben to go with the girls, because we were injured and couldn't play any sport. But then somehow she said Ben should stay, so it would be me going with the girls. I didn't like the look of that so I managed to drag Ben along.

So I went with Ben, Ele, Eva and a girl called Evon (or Evong?). We drove to the Wick and there was a bit of traffic. I didn't think much of Evon, thought she was a bit rude cause she had her earphones in. I introduced myself when we were in my car. I think she fell asleep a bit during the trip.

Anyway, at the shopping centre, it was a bit chaotic. I suddenly regretted coming along, even though I secretly enjoyed coming with the girls. We took a trolley and I swear, they fuss over the smallest things. From the salad, to the meat, Ele kept asking if we had enough. I tended to say yes, and she tended to say no, adding more and more to the trolley. Eva went off by herself to get various things. Ben did the same. Evon just hung around Ele.

What I seemed to be conscious about was how obstructive we were to others. I'd often have to tell Ele to move out of people's way. It made me wonder: was I being considerate, or a wuss?

After a while, we finally went to the cashier with a trolley full of stuff. It took a while to scan everything, and Ele paid for it on her card. We packed the stuff into my car and then went back to the park.

After a while, Ele asked me to drive her to pick up another girl and some knives from her place. I wondered whether she was trying to set me up with this girl. But on the way there, Ele called the girl and apparently she no longer wanted to come, so we just went to Ele's place to get the knives. I waited in my car outside while Eva and Ele were inside her home.

We went back to the barbeque where the cooking was going fairly well and everyone had started eating. I took a seat and ate some salad and other stuff, and started talking to this girl who came to sit next to me. Her name was Thuy. I then realised that her boyfriend was on the other side of me and I hoped he didn't think I was hitting on her.

We started talking with this other guy called Colin sitting opposite us. He was pretty funny, definitely the loudest of the group.

After a while, I ended up playing around the world with William, Thuy and her boyfriend. Even though I joined the game late, I ended up winning. Then the couple left and William and I just shot around, talking.

We went back and played Uno. I sat opposite Evon and started noticing how cute she was. She was wearing some sort of colour contact lenses, but she also was listening to her music as we played. Because she was sitting directly opposite me, she was the easiest person for me to see and call out Uno, which I did a few times.

We started playing a game where the loser had to do push ups. At first it was Colin, then William, and then I lost twice. I swear the girl with the boyfriend was giving me looks. But her boyfriend looked pretty solid, so maybe not a good idea to mess with that.

We moved on from there to the tennis courts where we started playing handball, lol. It was sooooo reminiscent of high school. Most of the guys knew how to play but weren't very good at it. The girls didn't know how to play. I spent the most time in king, mainly because I kept serving it on the line in between squares, which really pissed off Colin in an amusing kinda way.

We played handball for quite a long time, until dark. The only thing that spoiled it was these kids who came around trying to get our attention.

Some people had gone off to shoot my basketball on the netball rings. After handball we decided to go for dinner. I said I needed to change at home first, and Linda, just like she always does, managed to get herself together with me. Grrrr.

She wanted to drive, but I insisted on taking my car, so she asked for a lift. I went home, changed, and then picked her and Patrick up. We made very boring convo on the way there.

I dropped them off at the restaurant and then went to park my car. When I got to the restaurant, I hoped that I would sit next to Evon, but I didn't. I sat next to Colin, and then Patrick came over and asked me some legal questions about Linda's traffic infringement. There were some seat swapping due to the spicyness of the food, and Patrick sat to my right for the whole night, while William moved to my left and Evon was next to him, bringing her about two seats closer to me :)

I found Patrick to be a bit insecure throughout the night, always wanting to show me in one way or another about how much of the law he knew. Like...who cares? It was worse for him anyway because I knew he didn't know what he was talking about.

It was fun having dinner, we had lots of laughs. I made Evon laugh a few times, but found out she's only 18!!! I thought about that for the rest of the night. She was way too young. She'd probably want to party and that, instead of settling in with a guy ten years her senior.

I was looking at her phone at one stage and Ele saw me. I wondered if Ele could see through me.

I noticed Michael L was a bit quiet, but that probably wasn't unusual. Some revelations: Eva said, in relation to something else, that it was good to be missed, which maybe was an indication of how Michael L treated her before and after her departure. Also, Eva acknowledged that Michael L would get along better with girls than with guys. Hmmm.

During the night I kept appreciating how good it felt to be out like this, with these people. We had a really really good time, and I asked myself "why go whoring?". The feeling seemed exactly the same. Maybe it was just the plug to replace my loneliness.

Claire had also replied to my message, basically saying that she received it too late, but said she would like to catch up next weekend...???

Back from Taree!

On Thursday morning I didn't go to the gym, cause I woke up a bit late and I also had to get dressed for work (unlike the norm now, where I get dressed at work).

I did some miscellaneous work, and then just thought for a while to see if I had everything I needed. Alanna had to go to court so I didn't get to see her before I left, so I just sent her an email wishing her a happy holiday. I think she'll come back engaged. I can't imagine what it's going to be like without her for the next month.

After about 11-ish, I grabbed my trolley and fitness first bag and headed out. I took a taxi to the airport, had a bit of a chat with the driver about road rage and speed cameras. I checked in with no problems, but forgot I had a can of deodorant in my bag so got held up a little as I had to take it out.

I was really early, so I walked around the airport a bit. I decided to walk right till the very end. On the way, I saw this Asian girl checking me out as we passed eachother. I took a seat at the end, watching the people work on the runways. Maybe it's just a "grass is greener on the other side" view, but I reckon it'd be awesome to work with planes. Not only because they're planes, but like, the airport is 24 hours so it's like constant excitement.

After I while I went to my gate and waited there. Boarded the bus then the plane. Glad to have an isolated seat. The hostess was a hot blonde, but for whatever reason she seemed to be a bit defensive towards me. Like, she seemed pretty friendly to the other passengers, but when it came to me she just looked so defensively.

The flight wasn't an hour as I had thought (or as the ticket had shown). It only took 30 minutes. I guess the ticket included the time it would take to get to the next destination.

I took a taxi from the airport to the motel, and the place reminded me of Lismore a bit. It didn't seem as country-like, but there were still cows around. My motel turned out to be just around the corner from the court, which was pretty good. It looked a bit shabby from the outside, and I suddenly remembered what Alanna had said about trying to get a decent priced accommodation.

I went into the place and found the service desk empty. I pressed the buzzer a bit and waited. No one. I pressed it for longer this time and waited. No one. I walked outside the other end where there was a car park and saw a few cars but no one about. I pressed the buzzer more and more, and even hit the small bell they had with the mini drum that came with it. Still no one.

I wondered if I should go check out the court first and then come back, but then a small man appeared in the car park doorway and said the lady was next door and he'd get her. An old lady by the name of Gina came around who seemed to treat me like a long lost son. She seemed to be impressed with the 'city' image I had brought, and said she thought someone had come wanting to buy her motel.

After checking in I was relieved to go to my room. It was absolutely brilliant, definitely a lot nicer than I thought and totally different to the image given outside. There were two beds and I wondered why Grace had booked a room with two beds for me.

Anyway, I quickly changed and then headed to the court. Both doors were locked so I went to the registry and they told me court had finished for the day. Oh well. More time for me then.

I eagerly went around exploring and checked out the two malls they had. It really wasn't much, but I suppose the new-ness of things made it exciting. I ended up getting some Thai takeaway and taking it back to the motel to eat.

I had planned to go over the file a bit but ended up laying on the bed watching tv and half fell asleep. I woke up and went out to get a Subway sandwich whcih I would also use as breakfast the next day. There were some teens in the room opposite me who said hi to me as I closed my door.

I went to Subway and got my sandwich, nothing extraordinary about that here. I went back and ate half of it as I watched tv. I watched until 8:30pm when I started to do a bit of work, and then watched How I Met Your Mother at 9:30 until 10:30 and went to sleep. I felt like I couldn't sleep much during the night because it was a bit cold, and then in the middle of the night realised I had been sleeping on top of another layer of blanket instead of under it - duh!

Woke up in the morning and did a bit of exercise, went out to get some gum and face wipes as I couldn't be bothered bringing my toothbrush. I got changed and headed off to court.

I sat around and waited a bit before the barista from the other side came over and introduced himself to me. We had a bit of a chat about the case before his sol came over. I felt a bit intimidated that I was surrounded by two of them, like I was being pushed into a corner, but then realised this must've been what it felt like to be the pros when I used to do it on defence.

We went into court and it was indeed that young mag that looked very familiar. I wondered if she thought the same about me. We had to stand the matter down to talk about it, and when I sat down on the side she glanced at me, but not sure if it was out of familiarity or "why aren't you talking to the other side?" (because the guy had said he wanted to speak to his client first).

So because I thought maybe it was the latter, I decided to wait outside. He finally came out and told me they wouldn't oppose to me withdrawing it, which was one hurdle jumped. Then we had costs. I was soooooo prepared for this. But I wasn't prepared for what his argument was. Maybe I was too prepared.

His argument really sucked, it took me one line to shoot it down, and the mag didn't have to ask me to speak any further before decided in my favour.

So that was it. All the hype and preparation and now it was over - in my favour. I felt a bit disappointed actually. Maybe losing triggers more anger inside me and is so more exciting. But I guess I was happy that I didn't have to go back to the office and tell them another costs order had been made. I had just saved them money.

I quickly packed my stuff and returned to the motel. I got changed and decided to do more exploring. I passed the other side at a cafe and they asked me to join, but I politely declined. The barista actually wanted to catch the same flight as me, and I really didn't feel like having to make convo during a flight so I said I'd stick to my 5pm flight.

I walked a long way along the main road, and then back again. I ended up eating at Hungry Jack's. I had been looking for some souveneir, but there wasn't really anything you could get in Taree that you couldn't get in Sydney. I went back to the motel and watched Dr Phil and Oprah while waiting for my plane.

I got changed and headed out, and returned my key to a different older man who apparently worked there. He said I had stayed longer than allowed (I actually wasn't sure when I was supposed to leave, but figured we paid for 24 hours). I asked him how much I had to pay and he looked down really sly-ishly, trying to come up with a figure that didn't seem too greedy, and now I knew he was just trying to squeeze me for cash. I told him Gina had my company details and she could call them to sort it out and left.

I waited outside the court house for my taxi which came fairly promptly. Had a nice chat with the driver as he too owned a couple of Holdens, and he was also a nurse. When he dropped me off at the airport, he said "see you later" and I said "yeah, it's a nice plane, I wanna come back" and he said "nah don't", lol!

The airport, unfortunately, was closed. I guess it was because there were no flights and they didn't want to pay the cost of running it. So I sat around out back playing with my phone for about an hour.

Finally the doors opened and I went to check in, and then waited another 45 minutes until the flight came. I boarded the plane, which already had passengers on it from an earlier flight. This hostess, again, seemed a bit defensive towards me.

What the hell?

She even joked with another male passenger and then her smile quickly disappeared as she next offered me a snack.

ANyway, on the boarding bus back to the terminal I bumped into Jessica from 'the' trial. We chatted a bit, and I was still a bit shocked that I had bumped into someone on a flight. Damn.

As like last time, I lined up for a taxi and caught it to the office. I was somewhat eager to tell Karina and Wendy about what had happened. The taxi driver seemed kinda cool, everytime I tried to start a convo he'd just give short responses. Then I figured out why - he began talking on his phone so I guess he was busy. Oh well, I enjoyed not talking abyway.

I was a little disappointed that everyone had left the office by the time I got there, but then again, it was 7pm on a Friday night.

I hung around a bit waiting for my computer to load up so I could check my emails. It took a while so I walked around, and noticed Katie's desk was a lot clearer and cleaner than usual. Had something happened?

I waited more and the stupid thing just kept loading so I left. I went home and then went to the gym. I thought that girl would be there so I kept my jacket on, but unfortunately it was that Sergio guy who is quite handsome but has a creepy stare/smile. I did my stuff but with no bike or rowing cause I didn't have a towel and they were closing soon.

I went to buy some KFC and took it home to eat with rice as I watched the second half of Tigers vs Raiders. Great game.

This morning, I went to the Bra gym to do my stuff. I went there cause I figured the Wick would open late as usual, but apparently they did it here too. Guess it was just accepted these people couldn't wake up after a Friday night. I did my stuff and rowing, and it was good to get back onto it after two days of basically nothing.

I just checked the forums and apparently there is a 'new' shop with a girl named "Nabi". I'm tempted to check it out to see if it is her. I just called her number and it's still 'off'. Look, I'm sure it's just another girl with the same name, but I can't help but want to find out...

Ever feel like everyone hates you?

In the morning, I drove to the gym. As I was turning onto a road near the park, I saw this car speed up and get really close to me. I didn't do anything and just kept going until I reached the T intersection and waited. The car stopped next to me and a guy in the passenger seat started gesturing and saying something, but his window was up.

Aight, that's it, I've had enough.

I gave him a 'nod' like "what's up?" and then put my hand behind my ear to let him know I couldn't hear him. I could tell he backed down a little because he didn't roll down his window. Chicken shit. If you have the guts to start shit, continue with it.

That shook me for a bit, and I suddenly got very angry. I had decided to train with anger. But at the gym, I dropped my car and a trainer picked it up for me, and after I cleaned my rowing thing, I nearly walked into a blonde who had stood in my way and she smiled and apologised.

Maybe people don't hate you?

Nevertheless, I picked up 13kg weights and did curls with them, thinking about what had happened to motivate myself.

Work was ok, spent the day preparing for Friday. I know I said I wouldn't, but I spontaneously asked Karina if she felt like dessert. She said yes, and I took her to that Asian dessert place in Chinatown, but she didn't seem too keen so I said we could go. She said we could stay, but I didn't want to force her. She wanted an ice cream so we went to Macca's, but they didn't have it so we went to the one on the main street. I bought a happy meal and we ate our things sitting down at some seats in the plaza.

We talked about movies, science (she's listening to science tapes now) and gossiped a bit. She asked if Lewis was unhappy, picking up a remark he made once when she bumped into him. I told her he had told me he was looking to go to defence.

Call me paranoid, but I have this suspicion that she was trying to hint for me to ask her out. She mentioned several times about going out with her friends, and then said she wanted to go see Despicable Me. Hmmm.

Also, with Alanna, sometimes I think she's trying to test me to see if I'll perv on her. I went to her asking for some cases, and she had to stand and reach for her folders. She looked through a few and couldn't find any, and when I said I'd go she asked me to stay. She stayed posed in that reaching position and turned her head, which was actually quite sexy, but I resisted.

In the afternoon, I got a call from this Trent guy, asking me about a file I had. He said it was in tomorrow's list, but I didn't have a calendar. He was pretty rude about it. When I asked him if it was, he said "well I don't know!"

I quickly checked and indeed it was. I had forgotten to put it in my diary. I quickly did it and went too give it to him. The first thing he said was "so was it in the list?" aggressively. I just told him what had to be done, gave him the file and left.

That left me so angry. It was on my mind for the rest of the day. I looked him up and he's a SLO, but fuck it, I'll fucking knock him out and lose my job. I don't care, I can always work somewhere else. What a fucker. But you know what? It's good. It's always good to see people who show their card first. And also, he's given me motivation now. I'm going to get higher than him then fucking destroy him. You watch.

Cunt. That's two enemies.

At the end of the day (night really) I had a long talk to Wendy about my matter on Friday. We seem to be getting along very slowly.

I went to the gym, caught the bus cause dad took the car keys (but not the car). I forgot my card cause I was using it to register for something, and when I went to tell the guy, when I gave the wrong name, he looked at me like I was trying to trick my way in. Ummm...dude, you like, see me every single fucking night!!!

After gym, I was going to buy something to eat but I saw a bus coming. So I...naturally ran. I jogged to the bus stop. And it felt goooooooood.

After I got off the bus, I jogged a bit towards home. It's a bit like when I first started walking properly - my right foot is landing flat on the ground instead of heel then toe.

Also, standing and bending my leg is a bit easier now. I think the swimming really did something good to it. But tonight, I did the bike before the press against the wall, and found that it stiffened up a bit after the bike, so that not much of my calve could touch the wall.

I'm just glad I could jog :)

Morning swim!

I finally did it! I left home at 6am and went to the pool! The water was actually pretty warm, and the shower at the pool had woken me up. As I walked to the building, I felt alive, the same kinda of freshness I used to feel when I went for morning jogs was now instilled into me. I loved it.

I did ten laps (going up and down is one lap) which is about 500 metres by my calculation. I was sharing the lane with some lady who swam pretty fast. I ended up resting to wait for her to pass me at the end of each lap just so we don't get close to eachother. When she put on her flippers, I considered that cheating.

I got to my car by about 6:45am, so it really didn't take long. I got to the office just before 8am, and Katie was already in. Obviously trying to impress the new boss. Sometimes it upsets me that they're trying to turn up early just to impress, as opposed to making any real achievements, but then I figure I shouldn't worry, I'll just let my results speak for itself.

Turk returned to work today, and came to say hello to me and we had a bit of a chat. I've accepted that this will be the end of lunches with Karina. Her interest seems to have waned a bit anyway. She invited me to go get candy with her during the day, and I went, but found that she wanted to talk about work instead of anything else.

Alanna managed to mark most of my BA's, which was pretty amazing. I spent the day either getting them onto the system or preparing for Friday.

After work I went home then to the gym. I was a bit reluctant to go because I didn't have the car and it was raining, but reminded myself of how important physio was so I soldiered on. I went to the Bra, and saw Nick there, had a bit of a chat as I stretched and he did his abs. After my physio I also did a bit of weights. I think I'm getting a bit fat.

Recovery day?

After gym in the morning, I dreaded work a bit, picturing that I would have to explain myself to the new boss and the deputy.

I was about to go see Alanna when she was already on her way over, so we stayed in my room. We talked about what happened in our matters on Friday, and not only was it good to find out about her day, but I just felt it was good to talk about things catching up. I could actually feel the re-connecting feeling.

She basically said it wasn't my fault and that there wasn't much I could've done. Maybe she's right, but I like Rod's quote: all faults are mine and mine alone.

Later in the day, on my way to Alanna's room, I bumped into the new boss. I was about to just smile and walk past, but she stopped me by saying she found out what had happened. I kept waiting for some slight against me, some passive aggressiveness, but either it never came or it was so good I couldn't detect it. It actually sounded like...she was sorry for me. What the hell?

Why aren't people busting on me??? I need anger!!!

I didn't go out for lunch, instead opting for soup and jam on sandwich. Haven't had jam for a while so thought it'd be a new and cheap idea. Didn't really speak to Karina either. Sometimes she leaves her cup of hot water in the kitchen while going to the bathroom, and if I pass, I like to move it somewhere else just to psych her out, but one time she nearly caught me but I don't think she knew what was up, and I just stood there with a sly smile, making her wonder.

So yeah, I didn't get smashed today, maybe I'll get it coming tomorrow. Everyone seems to be pretty cool about it.

After work I went to the gym, and did my stuff. I think I'll alternate between rowing and the bike. When I stand up and try to bend my right leg, at first that stretch in the front shin is VERY tight, but by the third set it's almost normal. Wonder what it is.

Swimming!

After my last entry I had a bit of a nap because I had an annoying headache due to sleeping so late last night.

I went out to the shopping centre near me to get some swimwear. I went to Rebel and bought a nifty pair of swim shorts, a pair of goggles and a swim cap. All up it cost a bit more than $60. On a forum I frequent, I asked for advice from older men, and one of them was something like "before doing something, ask yourself whether it will make your life better or worse?"

I asked myself that and thought, yes, buying swimming gear to swim and get healthy and speeding up the recovery of my knee is a good thing. Spending money on whoring is not (to an extent). So on that basis, I decided not to see Hana tnoight, even though it's her last day before she goes to Korea. I do hope, however, that she will come back.

After that I went to the gym at the Bra, got my exercises done and on the bike I watched a bit of footy. Time passes a lot quicker when you watch the footy. When I left, I asked the girl there if any of the gyms had a pool. I needed to know, to compare prices, but I wish it had been the other one.

I then went to the uni and signed up for a 10 visit pass to the pool. As the girl was doing the data entry, my blurry vision saw a girl sitting at a desk inside the gym. I looked at her and we seemed to hold eye contact before I broke it off. Because I wrote on the form that I had a prior injury, the girl had to call her trainer - the one I had held eye contact with. She came over and asked me a couple of questions about it, and she seemed pretty friendly but I shrugged it off as her just doing her job.

I went to the change room and had trouble with the lockers, and had to ask the guy like an idiot. Turns out some of them don't work, and I was trying a faulty one, duh.

I finally got to the pool and the water was surprisingly warm. It's been soooooo long since I've been in a pool. I went into the slow lane and started doing some laps. It felt sooooo good. I felt like I could stay here forever. I couldn't believe earlier I had been on a basketball court, and now I was in a pool.

Sometimes I'd just stand at the shallow end and take a breather, admiring the place. It's hard to believe I was here in public school, where it seemed so much bigger, and the pool seemed so much deeper. I still remember clinging to the sides and learning to kick in the water. Everything was mostly still the same.

I think I stayed for nearly an hour before I felt my right foot cramp so I did one more lap and then I left. Such a good feeling, although not confident if I'd be able to wake up early enough to do 6am swims.

Really bad day at work

On Friday I went out to the Druitt after going to the gym. I thought I might be late cause I had to pick up the suitcase from the office too, but made it with plenty of time left cause it started at 10.

When I got there I saw Sally. I thought it was her but wasn't sure. I smiled and she smiled back. I asked if she was Sally and she said yes then we shook hands and I sat down next to her and we started talking. She was a bit surprised I went to 'the dark side', but she also said that was how it works - it's kinda cyclical.

After talking to her for a while, the guy from the other side came over and I went with him to talk about the case. I told him about the law I found and I gave it to him, and he said "I specifically told you to give it to me before", which pissed me off and I told him I only found it at 6pm the night before.

I found myself standing there, my knee shaking a bit but also starting to feel some defiance. But I questioned myself as to why I was standing there, like I was now subordinate to him? Why not just walk away? Fuck. Stupid upbringing habits.

When we went into court and did our matter, the judge was already on my side from the get go. He made him work for it, but gave me the adjournment anyway. I sat there thinking about how I'd gloat when I got back to the office. HOWEVER, then he started talking about costs, and I didn't know what he meant. We made arguments and I reckon he had pretty much made up his mind, and gave it to him anyway. I disputed the amount but he gave him that too.

Fuck.

Now everything had changed. I walked out of the courtroom feeling like shit. I went to the train station and texted Alanna. She texted back almost immediately and said it wasn't my fault, but I could tell she was just trying to comfort me. After all, how could she say it wasn't my fault when she didn't even know what happened?

I called Genie next because I know (not from her) that she had had costs made against her before, so I was hoping for some instructions as to what to do next. She didn't give me much, nor did she say she had this happen to her before.

I caught the train back and got to the office at around noon. I went to tell Wendy and she reacted like expected - saying that was wrong and then typing down my version of what had happened so she could send it to the deputy. Now I knew I was involved in deep shit. Karina saw me and said she didn't know I was back and asked how it went, and I just sshhed her and showed her my palm. Wendy, after Karina had walked away, said "not good".

After seeing Wendy, I went out to get lunch. I really needed the walk. I got a Subway sandwich and ate it back in the office. Wendy came to see me, and I felt she had calmed down a bit, now expressing her views on my side a little more. At the end, she even said she was glad it happened because she felt head office had been dealing with it inappropriately and this would open their eyes.

I finished my sandwich and went back to 'working', although there wasn't much I could do as my mind was pre-occupied with how much shit was going to follow. I basically sat around for the rest of the day, half telling Heath and Dugon about it and then doing a bit of research in the library. I went to tell Karina just in case she felt offended I had palmed her off.

At the end of the day, I was putting my tie back on (after eating an orange) and walking to see if Zena was around so I could scab some food off her. Wendy and Dugon were talking about organising some social drinks occasionally or something, and then Wendy remarked how she was never able to do a tie herself and she found it amazing as she watched me. I said something about how work was all that I talked about (I was serious) and she slapped me with the paper she was holding and walked away. Although it felt good that she was at ease with me, I still knew there was shit to come.

I was pretty relieved to leave the office, and had intended to either go watch The Other guys or go see Hana, but told myself I'd decide after gym. I saw that girl at the gym. She saw me coming from way beyond. She wasn't the one who served me, but I did notice she walked a bit closer when I got there. As I passed her, I looked at her and she looked up glancing past me and I smiled but she didn't smile back.

At the end of gym, I decided to go see Hana. I booked for two hours and withdrew some money. I could afford two hours because my card allowed me half an hour free, so I was really only paying for 90 minutes.

I got some petrol on the way there and got there on time. This time they had me wait in the normal waiting area and Hana came out, somewhat surprised to see me. She held my hand and led me to the room in the new expanded building, and I went to the bathroom briefly before joining her. The room was pretty amazing, it was so big with nice antique patterned walls and a spa. I didn't like being washed with sugar and milk much, but eh.

The spa took a while to fill up but when it did she had me get in first and was really careful about me slipping. She waited a bit more before getting in and sitting opposite me. For a quick second, I wished it was Naby sitting opposite me.

Just by her body language, I could tell she still wasn't feeling as comfortable with me as she could be. She had her legs close to her body, whereas I had envisaged myself holding her from behind, drawing numbers into her back. It was all a little disappointing.

She also told me she was leaving for Korea on Monday, and that Sunday would be her last day.

Oh my god this is Naby all over again!! Why meeeeee???

She said she was coming back in about a months' time, and was just going for a holiday, although I suspected it was a visa issue.

Anyhoo, I decided to do something about it, remembering the body language book that we could get someone to be more open by first changing their body language. So when she rubbed my leg a little bit, I rubbed hers and said I would try a foot massage on her. I tried and did a pretty bad job, and then asked her to show me how it was done. So she massaged my foot, and I took in the technique and then tried it on her.

It was pretty amazing. I was too soft, as she kept saying harder, which surprised me because I always felt that anything harder than my current touch would've hurt women. Also, it was a lot harder to do than expected. You don't really pay attention to technique when you're receiving a massage, and having been shown by her, I started seeing the body and muscles in a different way. She started saying how good it felt, and when I felt like I had mastered some techniques, I asked her to show me new ones and I'd repeat them on her as she laid back and closed her eyes.

We joked that I was her student, and that I'd apply for a job here, lol. I put on a girly voice and said "I'm Hana", which made her laugh. The actual spa and the treatment itself wasn't what I had expected. I remember having the spa a long time ago with some other girl and got pretty good treatment.

She asked if this was my first time and I said "yes...with you, but have been with many other girls" and she frowned a bit, lol.

After almost an hour we got out of the spa and onto the massage table. She asked if I wanted the massage first or the body slide first. I was pretty tired so I said massage. The usual thing happened, and I was a bit disappointed that she didn't 'invite' me to suck on her breasts like we have done in the past.

Afterwards, she went for a shower and I laid there thinking about how she'd never like me the way Naby did, and that I had wasted my time and money. I was beginning to think about cutting my losses and seeing another girl, and nearly drifted off to sleep when she quickly slid next to me, wrapping my left arm around her so she could rest her arm on my bicep. I wrapped my other arm around her and we laid there silently.

Maybe...this was the progress?

I was half asleep but had my right leg bent because I wanted to see how far I could bend it, but every now and then it would slide a little bit, then a little bit, then a little bit, until finally it became so obvious that she started pushing it down and then I let it go.

I had my shower and got dressed without really saying much. She sat there and watched me get dressed, and said the back of my head was messed up. I looked in the mirror and couldn't see it, so she started fixing it for me.

I left, feeling like a big day had finally come to an end.

Saturday
Yesterday, I got to the gym at about 7:20am. I was a bit upset that I had, yet again, been late, but it didn't matter since they hadn't even opened by the time I got there, as there was a huge line.

I did my stuff, went home to have breakfast and wash my car, then went to the gym at the Bra where I saw Nick and we had a bit of a chat. I then went to pick up Malay and we went to Paddy's to get a present for Scope. We had KFC first, and conversation was ok, but sometimes I would get secretly annoyed at how softly he spoke at times, requiring me to ask him to repeat it. We ended up getting him an army belt and a bullet, which were kinda cool cause he's into that sort of stuff.

I also bought a shirt for the gym, it's a blue shirt with like the Nokia logo but it says "Vodka - connecting people", lol.

I drove him home and then I went to the gym at Bondy. By now I was pretty tired, but did the stuff anyway. I have started rowing, and I think I'll alternate between the bike and rowing instead of trying to do everything in one session because it's getting to be a bit too much and taking too much time.

I got home, changed, used the bathroom and then G picked Malay and I up. He's soooo into Eminem's new album now, lol.

We were about 45 minutes late, which made Brain call me up and ask where we were. We met at the cinema and walked to Chinatown, and I deliberately made Scope pick out a Chinese restaurant to try to help with his indecisiveness. He finally picked one so we went there. I was a bit annoyed when Brain asked if we were sharing or ordering individually.

It's dinner! Of course we're sharing!

It showed, cause I said "well it's dinner..." and he said "sorry, I was just asking".

We had a good time, eating and talking. I could understand why G never brings his girlfriend out with this group, cause let's face it, it's kinda sad, but at the same time, I think about Fat Pat and his girlfriend probably just wanted to be a part of his life more and we weren't 'as' sad in that group.

After dinner we went to watch The Other Guys, which was funny as hell! I knew the other guys would like it, but I sat next to Brain and I thought he looked a bit stoic throughout the entire thing.

G drove us all home after.

Today
My dad wanted the car, so I'm car-less today. So I decided to take my exercises to the basketball court! Although some guys were around, I decided to fuck it and just picked a court near the tennis courts and did my exercises in the sun. It felt so good to have the sun beaming down on me. I loved it. I also loved (and missed) the sound of basketballs bouncing around, and birds chirping and just the usual sounds of nature. One thing I did realise during it was that I couldn't do either the bike or rowing =(

After that I took a few shots, and made 4/10 free throws. Not bad I suppose. It felt good to dribble and shoot again. My biggest concern now is bending my leg, because when I stand and bend it, there's a huge strain/stretch

Need leave?

Went to the gym at the Bra today, got there a bit late. I think I've given up on seeing that girl. Either she doesn't work there anymore, or she's on long term leave or something.

After that, I went to physio. He was already waiting for me in the corridors, and said he thought it was me when he heard my footsteps. I had been quickly walking down the stairs cause according to their clock I was a bit late (but on time according to mine).

He measured my extension and said it was nearly about the same as my good leg. He massaged a specific area behind my knee this time, which actually felt pretty good. But he was doing it to stretch out a particular 'knot', and he said the two words that probably any ACL-victim fears the most: scar tissue. He was trying to massage the build up away and get my body to re-build ot properly.

He then had me turn over and push my knee down with a hot pack. He gave me a bell to ring when I finished, and when I did finish I rang it a few times but I guess he was too far away. I finally got to see what the hot pack looked like, hehe.

He showed me three new exercises:

1. Sit on a high platform, use my good leg to push my left leg back as far as I can, let it go and hold it.

2. Sit down on a skateboard or some other platform and use my feet to push back, and then move forward.

3. Because I told him of the difficulties I had in bending my leg while standing, he suggested I get a band of some sort to pull my leg up as I bent it standing up.

At the end of the session, he said he had seen me more than he was supposed to, and made an appointment to see him in about four weeks time. I asked if I could start jogging because I was getting fat. He said to eat less, lol. At first he said I could, but then later said maybe hold off jogging until next time he sees me. He did, however, suggest swimming to be a good exercise (just not breast stroke).

I thanked him and it felt like a farewell for both of us as I walked off, to meet him in a month's time.

I drove home, then went to work. My mom was at the bus stop, and I was a bit embarassed. Not only did she walk back and forth, obviously thinking, but she started critiquing how my shirt was not straight, and how I was losing hair. Yeah thanks. And that's why I don't go out with her anymore.

Work was like half hectic and half bludgy. I went to see Alanna in the morning to just get something corrected quickly, and I could tell she probably didn't have time for me because she was doing last minute stuff for her hearing and she was leaving at around midday. But she did brave it, and I admored her for that and left her alone.

When I went to see Lynette later, Alanna and I crossed paths and she asked if I was going to see her, in a friendly way, which I thought was good cause if I was and she was a bad person she would've been annoyed.

I did intend to stay away from Karina today, and for the most part succeeded. In the morning I saw her and Gonaz looking at something curiously in the kitchen, so I joined. They were checking out cookies someone had brought in. I asked if anyone wanted to go halves, and both offered, but Gonaz wanted one I didn't want, so I took Karina's half. She kept looking at me to see if I would talk to her, but I just made general convo to both of them about how shitty Turk would get when she returns and sees a hundred files on her desk.

In the afternoon I glanced down the corridor as I walked out of my room and saw Karina, but didn't greet her. I walked out of the photocopy room just before her and could sense her walking behind me. Neither I turned around or did she say anything as I headed to the library.

I went out for a walk during lunch and bought an Easyway. The girl who served me was kinda pretty. We made brief eye contact as I watched her make a drink for the customer before me. I went back to the office and had that microwavable pasta. As bad as it was, it was the only thing I felt like.

I spent almost the entire day researching on whether I needed leave to withdraw. Heath joined me in my conquest when he wasn't busy, and at the end of the day it felt like we had achieved something together. I liked going to the library to research, it felt like I was at uni again. But I experienced something really disturbing: that fat guy who delivers stuff, I heard him banging the cabinets and saying "shut up!" repeatedly. He saw me standing there when he came out, so I reckon he'll probably try to kill me now.

I ended up going to Wendy to ask the question about leave, and it seemed like neither she nor our counsel knew the answer. But I felt Wendy and I got a little closer, and I wondered if anyone thought I was trying to go behind Alanna's back while she was away. Amy was with us when I asked Wendy the question, so I wonder what she thought, but she seems like a pretty nice person.

Dugon also helped me a bit, and I felt like I had help from a lot of people today. I think Wendy could tell I was a bit concerned about tomorrow, but I think I can handle it.

After work I went home then drove to the gym at the Wick. Very disappointed when I saw a guy at the counter desk.

I did all my exercises PLUS using a towel to bend my leg and sitting on a sliding circle to push myself back and forth. That is A LOT harder than it looks. It's quite a good cardio work out too. It was the perfect night to do it - a bit of rain meant lots of people cbf coming to the gym, so even before 9pm there were only about 20 people in total, which made my sliding exercise much easier. Too bad it won't be like that every night.

Now I have to figure out a timetable to do all these exercises, because I obviously can't do all of them every session, including swimming.

The Elleon sighting

Last two days have been boring, so not much to blog about. Yesterday I got so bored at work I left pretty much after 5pm and went straight to the gym cause dad had the car. Soooooo many people at the gym at Wick at that time, don't think I'll go at that time again.

Waking up the last couple of days, I think my knee is feeling better. As usual, went to the gym this morning, then home and to work.

I think Alanna and I are cool again (or at least, I feel so). I went to her room and offered her some M&Ms in the morning and she said it was too early for them, and I asked her about the hearing on Friday which was originally mine. She seemed quite happy to talk about it.

I finished off a brief in the morning, that's like my 8th for the month, that's one per day! I think I need more of a challenge. I wanted to ask Heath a question but couldn't find him, so I sent him an email. At about 11:30 he called and asked if I wanted to go with him to get a coffee, so I said yes.

I met him down in the lobby and we walked to the cafe around the corner as we talked about the question I had. I don't know why, but I knew he'd be interested in the issue and he'd be able to talk constructively about it. Anyway, at the cafe, as we stood and waited, I saw a girl who looked like Elleon talking to a guy (I think he was the tall guy from SLA). I didn't have my glasses on, so I thought it was some other girl who looked like Elleon. This girl looked a bit more corporate, with black rimmed glasses.

I half talked to Heath and half kept glancing over. On about the third time, she looked at me and waved. It was Elleon. I smiled and waved back. I couldn't help but feel a bit jealous, and I thought about this for the rest of the day.

Does she like him? Did he like her?

Was it a big deal? I mean, you go to lunch with Karina, and there's nothing there.

Yeah but we work in the same office, they just met at court.

Was she sharing food like she did with you? No. Was she flirting? No. Why worry? She's not even your girlfriend? And I thought you weren't even that interested.

I wasn't. Until now. Jealousy does some strange things.

The logical side of me told me to not worry and just move on. Although I felt like I had run out of options, I was sure there would be others. Besides, I enjoyed being single and going whoring whenever I wanted. The emotional side of me just wanted to...make her exclusively mine.

That sighting was enough to make me want to go out for a walk during lunch, and I didn't feel like saving money by having canned soup or whatever. I ended up getting lasagne and eating it back in my office.

I went to Karina's office in the afternoon and asked if she wanted to go get some candy. She got ready to go and then said she probably wasn't feeling too well after having eaten a whole pack of chocolate. I said maybe she shouldn't go, and she looked at me for a long time as if interpreting it as I didn't want her to go. She offered me a boiler lolly and we started talking about work.

I went to her again later, which was probably a mistake. I needed to find a case in the library and thought it might be an adventure, so I asked her. She said no because she needed to finish off her work. Ok, I think you're getting annoying. Don't even approach her tomorrow. Or Friday.

Rheem came to my room and started talking to me. She was looking at my certificates, and then at my quotes, then we ended up talking about each other's past. She has this really generous and friendly smile. If she wasn't pregnant I would've (mistakenly) thought she was interested in me. She reminds me of Bush, not just because she's pregnant, but she's so friendly.

Ogre also came to my room to talk to me. I was starting to wonder why all these people higher up were being so friendly to me. Did they do the same to Lewis? Katie? Yoshi?

Because of the Elleon thing, I started thinking maybe I should go whoring. I wanted to see Hana but she didn't work on Wednesdays. I wanted to go to that Naby place, and really thought about it. I came home after work and thought some more, but then ended up just going to the gym.

At the gym, I did a bit of light jumping up and down, and it felt good. A few days ago I actually got the urge to do a jump stop in my hallway and did it, just like pre-surgery. After my gym session, I also lightly jogged down the stairs, and that felt fine.

When I press my knee against the wall, I find I can do it fairly well now, pressing a large portion of my calve against the wall, but probably still not as much as my good leg.

Gym thrice

Had a plan of going thrice gym sessions today, but dad told me in the morning he needed the car. He offered for me to pick it up in the afternoon, but I thought "stuff it, I'll bus it like the good old days" and bought a weekly ticket to do my journeying.

Had a couple of pieces of toast (grape bread...yum) and then went to the gym at the Bra. Half expected to see her there but didn't. It was that skinny guy with the Asian girlfriend. I swear, sometimes after a set of pressing my elevated knee down, it hurts sooooo much to bend it again. It feels like unlocking a rusted lock.

Onto the bike, I used my headphones to watch a game of NRL. It was pretty exciting, cause I got to see a few tries scored, even though it looked like it was going to be a blow out.

I caught the bus back home and finished watching Hot Tub Time Machine. It was actually pretty good, somewhat had a moral to the story, and it had a happy ending. I liked it, and I think Shuing would like it too, since he likes reminiscing about the past so much. It was a bloody hilarious movie, I needed a movie like that for a good laugh.

After that, I caught buses to Bondy, where I went to the gym first and did my stuff, and then checked out Harvey Norman to see how much it was for a device to record digital tv. They had one going for $200, and I reckon I could've been persuaded into one if someone had served me, but no one had so I left. I went to Myer to get my dad a father's day present. I had in mind a red polo shirt, but my mom said to get him a white business shirt because he needed one.

I thought I'd get one both. The business shirts were on sale, so I got that for about $22, but the polo shirts were like fucking $119!!! I'm sure dad wouldn't approve if I spent so much on such a simple shirt, so I didn't. I continued looking through the shopping centre, and sure, I could've gotten one from the cheapo store for $20, but then that was kinda disrespectful. It seemed like these things were either too cheap or too expensive.

I thought about going home and then going to the gym, but then thought maybe that took too much time, and I had to stop off at the Wick anyway to change buses, so I thought I'd do it all in one. I went to the Wick's shopping centre and had a fruit salad before going up to the gym. I half expected her again and was disappointed when I spotted two guys from afar. So in a day, I had pretty much ensured that she wasn't working at any of the venues.

Sometimes when I lie down and stick both legs up into the air, it actually looks like my right one is flatter and straighter than my left. Could it be possible that I've pressed down on it so much that it's passed it's natural stance?

I was really exhausted by the time I was doing the exercises against the wall. Exhausted not so much that my legs were tired, but just mentally, doing this three times a day, counting one to ten, one to twenty. It was when I was sitting at home earlier that I thought maybe this was why some players don't come back after surgery as the player they used to be - because they cbf doing rehab. Think about it, when I was sitting at home on the computer, the thought of skipping a session was really tempting. Now let's say I had a few million dollars, friends and women hanging around - why the hell would I go do physio???

The only type of person who could pull it off would have to have the Kobe mentality - even though he's "made it", he keeps working to better himself, and you gotta give him props for that. Pretty much since the day he came into the NBA, he had millions of chances to tank it (see: Kwame) but he didn't. Props.

After gym, I went to the video store to see if they had the movie Creation, because it seemed interesting, but they didn't. I noticed one of the girls working there had their big doofus Tongan boyfriend hanging around, and wondered what on earth he had that they found attractive. They must be really, really young.

I then went to KFC for a snack box, and as I was eating, some guy made a comment about going to the gym and then KFC, and sat down next to me eating. I politely responded, and then there was a bit of silence. He started talking again when a girl rode past in her bike, and I started talking, but kept my mind on finishing my food and leaving.

I'm sure he was probably just bored, but I wasn't exactly sure of his intentions. As I waited at the bus stop, experiencing that made me feel a bit more confident in approaching a random girl on the street. But I'm sure that mood will wear off soon enough.

So my mom's not home because she's out gambling, and she was supposed to cook dinner tonight. Now my sister and I both have nothing to eat. The sad thing is, I know what she's going through. I'm sure she's there at the club, thinking "another five minutes, after this round" and then when it becomes totally unreasonable to use that excuse because too much time has passed, she'll think "screw it, they can make something themselves" and keep gambling.

Don't know why, but tonight I've been thinking about Naby. I checked the forums to see if anyone has seen her, and there's no mention of her. No surprise really, even when she was here there wasn't any mention of her. Some other girls (one which I think is the friend she pointed out to me) seem to be the more popular ones.

It made me think of Toni Braxton's Unbreak My Heart, so I listened to it, and it made me so sad. If I could turn back time, I would've seen her on the very last day like she asked me to. Maybe she genuinely wanted to see me?

I feel like going to bed and crying. I'm not even hungry because I'm sad. I picture myself seeing her again and hugging her and crying...

Having a go at Alanna

On Thursday I went to the physio. In terms of extension, he reckons I'm about -2, or 2cm below now. He basically did the same things, like massage and getting me to push my knee down and against the wall. He didn't get me to do the bike because he said my flexion was normal, even though I still can't bend it very far standing up (but I can do a pretty good job lying down).

He wanted to show me a new exercise involving a rope, but said he wanted me to get full extension first, and made an appointment for next week.

I got to work, and after I changed, I went to see Alanna. I ended up telling her what I had been thinking for a while, but I think it came out wrong. I told her that I was re-visiting a brief I had done a long time ago because a new issue had come up from it, it was probably done when I was still very new, and that I found it to be pretty bad. I told her that if I ever did a shit brief, then to tell her to throw it back on my desk because it was "shit house". I could see she was a bit taken aback by this. I told her to slam me if I ever did a bad brief. And she softly, almost as if retreating, said she thought she already did.

I walked out of her room thinking "what had I just done?"

It felt like I had just had a go at her.

Did you just have a go at your supervisor? Great career move mate.

Maybe it wasn't such that she was my supervisor, but more that up until now, she had been looking out for you and giving you advice, and now you're telling her how to do her job? Fark man, what's wrong with you?

What the hell had I just done?

Then it hit me. I think I was in a bad mood. And I had taken out my anger on Alanna for some reason. I felt like I had a black cloud hanging over my head for the rest of the day. Why did I do it? Was it because I subconsciously sought more motivation? Was it because I wanted to create distance between us? Why did you ruin such a good working relationship?

I went to her a few times after that, and was very observant as to how she treated me. I couldn't tell whether it had affected her. On the one hand, when I went to give her something, she was talking to Amy and said she'd come over, but saw that I just wanted to give her something so she just took it. On the other hand, when I gave her a Japanese biscuit, she gladly took it and started eating it right there and then. Maybe I'm being overly sensitive.

On Friday, I had lunch with Karina. I took her to Market City. She had previously said she had been there for lunch, but she was mistaken and meant somewhere else. She had never really been to Market City, and was pretty amazed at all the shops. We went to the food court and she had a hard time choosing because there were so many options, but in the end she had a chicken laksa from Happy Chef, and I had a sweet and sour pork with rice from another shop. I know, so "guia lo", but I felt like it.

We had a good time talking about the old boss' speech the other day, and also learnt a bit about her previous jobs. After telling me her stints in the public sector, I grinned slyly and she asked what I was smirking about. There was a long pause as I thought about how to word it carefully. I said "your career has been...", and by now I could already see she had that look on her face like she was daring for me to say something offensive. I said "soft" and she obviously didn't like it, but I tried to reason it was because of my background where a guy slapping a girl was seen as a relatively trivial thing.

She seemed to buy it, but I think it nevertheless stuck in her mind. When we finished, I asked her if she wanted to play a game and gave her a dollar coin. I got up and she was a bit startled that we had to leave so soon. She wondered where we were going until she saw the arcades.

I said we had to try to get the toys, and she said she always had bad luck doing it. She said she wanted the black and white cows, so I tried that. I was pretty sure I wouldn't get it, but did it anyway. I ended up...getting it!! She yelped like any other girl would as the claw held the cow and slowly made its way towards the drop opening.

Don't drop damn you, don't drop!

I finally got my relief when it dropped it through the opening and I picked it up.

Bravo.

She had a go at the dogs on the other side but failed. I gave her the cow which she accepted and said she would put it in her office.

We headed back to the office and she couldn't help but keep looking at the cow. She said she wanted the Dutch cow, which I guess was that.

I went to her room a while after that and saw that she had indeed placed the cow in her room, up on a ledge, quite visible to all.

Lewis came to speak to me late in the day, when the "let's just all hang around and wait for 5pm to arrive so we cna leave" mood was the dominant tone of the office, since both Wendies had left. To my surprise, he said he was looking for another job, and I told him to think carefully because in private practice you don't get as many benefits.

I left at about 5:30pm and had planned to go to the gym, but when I got home I discovered that the car had gone! Apparently my dad had taken it, and I didn't really feel like wasting two bus trips so I decided to tank it for one night. Besides, on the bus I had felt a bit of pain in my knee and I took it as a sign for some rest.

Shame too, because last Friday that girl at the gym was there :(

Today, I got to the gym at about 7:30am and did my stuff, then went to the office and almost got an easy file finished. I left and tried to go to the gym nearby but couldn't find parking, so told myself I'd do it at home. I did like, one set at home and then decided to just relax and watch Hot Tub Time Machine, lol.

G then picked me up and we picked Shuing up for lunch. We went to Surry Hills, intending to try Indian, but Shuing didn't really want to so we went Thai. I was surprised to learn that they both didn't go to Eva's return dinner, and I wondered what they would make of that.

For most of the time, Shuing just grumpily whinged about his analysis of people, and seemed to attack Malay when I told him Malay was a bit pissed about paying for the coke and no one else volunteering for it. I found G to be a bit quiet during Shuing's rant, not sure if he just didn't know what to say or if he was taking everything in.

We walked around the mini-shopping centre nearby, and spent a bit of time in a budget store. Like G said, they have everything and you can usually spend a lot of time in there keeping yourself busy. Shuing didn't seem much of a fan, but he was the one who ended up getting the most things, lol.

Given the weekly get togethers these days and the constant complaints about one another, I am wondering if this is the beginning of the end of our group?

Suzanne and Louise farewell

Got to the gym at about 6:40am today, maybe the earliest ever. Thought about going to the Bra to see if the girl was there, but then changed routes to go back to the Wick after deciding the small odds weren't worth the petrol.

Alanna returned to work today. After I got changed, I went to see her and asked if she was alright. She was a bit reluctant at first, and then told me her grand mother had a stroke. I told her I knew, and I said she should've taken today off as well. She said she thought about it but then said it was better to come to work. I think she meant she wanted work to take her mind off things. I studied her face wondering if I should press it, but then didn't.

We started talking about work, and doing a bit of catch up about my matters. I tried to keep it to a minimum, and just told her about the things that were really urgent. We later did a file review anyway, where I told her about other stuff.

When we did the file review, she walked into my room unexpectedly and startled me, which was a bit embarassing.

At lunch, I went out to look for some novel biscuits to buy. I felt like getting something for Rheem because she's always so friendly to me. I ended up getting little pudding cups, and gave her one. I made my lunch - pizza toast and soup - and ate it in my office.

I spent most of the day calling up defence and telling them about the new case. None of them had even heard about it, lol.

At 3pm, we had an afternoon tea to farewell Louise and Suzanne because they had moved to the new section. I wondered if this somehow ruled them out for contention for any SLO jobs in our section. I mean, they can't have the farewell and come back for a higher paying job!

The old boss was the speaker as he thanked Suzanne and Louise. Goddamnit could he have said any more negative things? Although joking, he remarked about how those two had done their monthly numbers when he would either cheer or boo people at the end of the month, he said everyone moved on from the section after 18 months except for Wendy, and he basically said he found it annoying if anyone approached his office.

I spent the time talking to Lewis, Rebecca, Dugon and Zena. I had started with Karina but she walked away and I didn't want to seem clingy by following. Earlier we had gone down to level 8 to get some lollies, so maybe that was enough contact for the day. I saw she got stuck in a conversation with that girl she's jealous of, and then she didn't stay long after that.

A while after the afternoon tea, I decided to be a scavenger and check out what food was left. I realised that doing this made the food more enjoyable than being invited to eat it. What I found was better than any food there: the sight of Hayley with her back to me, leaning over the table dealing with the food.

I asked her if she was finishing it off, and she said she was packing it up for us to have later. I hadn't intended to have cake, but then I said I'd take a pice of cake. She quickly tore off a piece of paper towel and handed it to me. She was holding the big plastic knife for it already, and I thought she was going to give me a piece but she offered me the knife instead. I tried to be macho and said I'd just take it with my hands, which I did, and then walked away.

I stayed back till about 7pm tonight because I had planned to go to the gym nearby since dad took the car. When I started my exercises, I found that my knee was a lot smoother than before. It felt looser. Not in the "missing ligament" sense, but in the "muscles are looser" sense. Although there was still pain when I bent my knee after some of the exercises, I found walking to be fairly smooth. For moments it felt like my knee was back to normal.

As I approached the change room I saw Ogre, and we had a bit of a chat. She asked if a particular someone was back, and I didn't know who she meant, and she said the person with the back pain, and I still didn't know, so she said the new boss. I didn't know she had back pain. I knew she was sick, but didn't know the specifics.

After that I went to look for dinner. Didn't really feel like going home to eat. Recently I've just been feeling that mom hasn't been putting much effort into dinner lately. Dad, on the other hand, likes to think up new stuff and try it.

I had planned on KFC, even though I didn't completely feel like it. But then I walked past that Pepper Lunch place and thought that was a good idea, so I went.

I don't know what it is about me tonight, but I think I got the attention of three girls sitting at a table. I sat behind them, and heard one of them say to the one with her back to me something about switching seats. Later on, I noticed the one with her back to me turned her head in my direction, and when she left I caught her glancing at me. Then at the bus stop some girl walking past with her boyfriend took a bit of a look at me.

Eh.

Feeling good about my knee right now.