End Julie?

Had lunch with Geni today in the park, where we brought our own lunches. She told me that when Mary came back last week, she was seen to be in MA's room, and left crying. It may have had something to do with the fact that no one was made for her return, and when they found one in between Jenni and Mel C, she didn't want it (because she doesn't get along with either of them) and Chris wouldn't make a swap.

I think for Mary, she must've felt like she had lost all her power in that organisation. Poor Mary.

It was peaceful to just sit there on the grass in the shade. Mob was away for the afternoon so didn't feel a rush to get back, and Genie was sick of her job so she wasn't looking forward to going back.

After work, I went to the casino. Dressed up in my white shirt, black tie and vest, I had felt various moods throughout the day. The thought of asking her out made me sick in the stomach - I was that scared. At other times I felt nervous, and in between there were glimpses of confidence and imagery of making her laugh.

When I got there, I saw her at the $10 table down the end, with a few people playing. I sat down a few tables up to play. The dealer was that small but loud girl, named Elaine. I kept looking over at Julie.

Had she changed her hairstyle? It was combed sideways with a ponytail. She looked so pretty. 

I watched as she smiled and chatted with customers, all the while swooping chips off the table. She had the most beautiful smile in the casino. She was the most beautiful girl. It's weird how your focus changes once you like someone, right?

But a small part of me took a step back, and realised she was just another person. If we hadn't chatted that first occasion, she wouldn't be anyone special right now.

I tried to focus on my game, and slowly made my way up to a $400 gain. All this time I was glancing over at Julie. Sometimes she'd look over in my direction.

Is she looking at me? Nah...

Did she just crack a smile my way? Nah...

It was approaching 6pm, and I suspected she'd go on a break soon. I was pretty sure she'd walk past my way, would she tap me on the shoulder to get my attention? Was she wondering why I wasn't at her table? Had she even seen me?

I noticed her go on her break without much happening. I turned to my left to see her walking off into the distance. She had walked past me without any interaction.

By now there had been a dealer change at my table. It was that cunt who doesn't spin unless someone bets. Not sure if it was because of that, or because of my lack of focus, but I started losing. He hit the 0-3 sector and incredible amount of times.

Julie had returned from her break to be at the table behind her previous table. I would look over often, and by now she was looking over at my direction more and more.

Did she just smile my way? SHE DID!

I smiled back, completely over the moon about not only her seeing me, but that we shared a silent, magical moment. It was chemistry.

However, she looked over my way a few more times, and I started questioning it. I looked at the dealer and supervisor in between us, but couldn't see if they were interacting with her. Hmmm.

Pretty soon, I had lost my patience and lost my chips. I started betting $400 per spin on 1-2 and each time it would land on 0-3. Part of me wanted to just lose the rest of my money quickly so I could leave and go see Julie. I did that.

I walked over, thinking I'd say "wow you look amazing tonight". We made eye contact and she smiled. But nothing came out of my mouth. As I got closer to the table, she said something, and my first word was "sorry?"

Great approach...

She had a girl and a lady playing at her table. The lady wasn't really playing, the girl was playing inside numbers. She won as Julie spun, and I made a comment about it. I asked Julie how she was and she said she was good. She asked me if I had an interview today.

She remembers!

I told her I didn't and wouldn't have anymore until early next year. I kinda stood there awkwardly. Nothing was coming out. My head was sweating from nervousness and the lights. Also, I glanced over at her supervisor, who seemed to give me a "fuck off if you're not playing" face.

I said she looked a bit different today and she said she had done her eyebrows.

I told her I had basketball last night and asked if she worked last night. She said no, that she had had four days off. I asked her what she got up to to try to figure out if she had a boyfriend. She said she couldn't remember, and when I asked if she slept, she said yesterday she slept half a day but other than that she was with family.

I asked if she knew Between Two Ferns. She didn't. I mentioned it was funny interviews with Brad Pitt doing the latest one and she said she liked Brad Pitt. I asked her to look it up.

I tried to make a joke about how many mistakes she had made today, and only got a slight reaction from her. Also probably not appropriate given how there were others at the table.

By now conversation was going really awkward. I said I'd go check out the baccarat tables and left. I didn't, instead, I went to the ATM to get out more cash.

You wouldn't...

I did. Normally I wouldn't have any cash available after losing the $2000 bankroll, but my dad had given me $1800 in the morning to buy some shares. I took out $800 deciding to play at Julie's table.

I returned and bought $400 worth of chips. As soon as I did that and sat down, I felt so much more comfortable. I didn't feel the same awkwardness that I had before while standing there talking to her. The girl had lost and left, and there was only the lady there now to my right.

I only played colour/columns as my only reason for being there was to talk to her. I asked "coke or pepsi?" and she said Coke, Coke Zero. Noticed how she didn't ask me. She said she drinks Coke Zero to wash down the oil, and I said that was bad, and she needed hot tea. She said it was summer anyway, so too hot for tea. I asked dog or cat, and she thought I meant what she looked like, and she said dog. She did look a bit like a puppy. When I clarified with her, she said she preferred dogs. I asked if she had any, and she said no as she lived in an apartment.

I mentioned Between Two Ferns again and how it was done by that Zach guy from Hangover, and then she got it. I said he had lost a lot of weight and she said he looked cute being chubby.

I asked her how long she had been in the job for now and she said four weeks. I said time flies and she agreed. I asked her how she was liking it, and she went silent, as if to indicate she didn't like it that much. I said "but you look happy" and she said she was always happy.

I thought about adding that if she ever wanted to leave, I'd like to have a coffee with her. It was the perfect moment as her supervisor (now changed to a woman, Cassie) was around the other side shuffling the chairs. But I didn't. I was thinking too much and missed the chance.

I asked what X-Men character she would be if she could choose, and she said she doesn't follow it.

I asked if she had any holidays planned and she said the US. I immediately and instinctively said "oh me too!" which prompted a look from Cassie, as if my next move was to suggest meeting up. I said I was tossing up between US and Norway. She said she wanted to go with her younger sister, but her younger sister wasn't working. She said she was also considering Perth, as that seemed like a really nice and friendly place.

I asked if she watched TVB and she said no. I said her photo looked like a TVB celebrity and she said she knew, joking that people said she was pretty all the time. In a playful rebuttal, I said I was talking about her photo, not her. I asked if she watched that Korean drama about the alien and she said no, even though it was popular.

After a while the lady next to me left, saying "thanks Julie". I said "you cleaned her out" and she was like "well it's gambling, what do you expect". That statement really put things into perspective for me. It WAS gambling, so what was I expecting? I said I seem to win with her, but she did clean me out once. She looked like she was trying to recollect her memories.

At one point in time, Julie turned to the other pod of tables, as a big chubby guy was making fun of her by constantly yelling out numbers, as if to encourage her to yell louder. It was at that moment that I realised that previously she had been turning around to him, not me.

The other table had a result of 36, just before Julie's spin landed on 36. Some guy made that observation and Cassie said something. I yelled out to Cassie "does this prove that it's rigged?" and she gave a smile, before saying we'd have to wait for the next number to see. After a while, Julie said "oh, I get it now". I think she is a bit slow.

Some Indian guy would come over and place a bet occasionally. It seemed like every time he bet, it would land on 00, and I told her. She agreed, and one time when he bet, she called no more bets and I was like "oh shit" as if I was about to bet on 00. It landed on 5, next to 00. I made a gesture saying "next door!" and she was like "stop it".

One time when the guy bet on the third column, it landed on 00 and she paid him out. I was like "were you supposed pay that?" and then she realised her error, and called Cassie over who ended up asking the guy for his money back. While Cassie was checking the cameras, I saw my hands on a freeze frame on the screen, and I asked Julie "sexy hands eh?" and she said "they look like paws". Hmmm.

I said to her that I was honest. She agreed, and said it in a tone which suggested that she had studied me before and came to that conclusion.

In an effort to make her feel not as bad, I told her I made mistakes in my first job too, telling her how I was once $5 short for a conveyancing settlement because I had done the wrong calculations. She said she had never heard of the term "conveyancing" before.

I started talking to her supervisor, about paying the guy out, and in time, Julie seemed like she was just in the background to our conversation, not joining in.

Julie noted how I was doing well with outside bets. I said she was my lucky charm.

She asked me why I always laugh, and said her mum always says she laughs too much. I said she has two dimples when she laughs, and she said she thinks that makes her ugly, and I said I liked it.

I stayed until Julie finished her shift. I had won about $200. Julie looked at me as if to say goodbye. A lady took over, the same lady who was at the other table last time and who I was pretty sure knew I was hitting on Julie. She looked at my chips and said I did well. I said Julie was lucky for me, and she agreed, saying I should be nice to her. I said I was nice to her.

I stayed, not wanting to make it too obvious I was only there for Julie. I figured I'd wait for her to return to the table in front of me. In the meantime, I kept playing colour/column and won another $100. At 7:30pm, I realised Julie should've been back by now. I turned around and she was at the table behind me.

I cashed out soon after and walked past to say goodbye in Korean ("chaga"), and she said the same.

I caught a taxi home. In the taxi, I felt like bursting into tears, knowing that Julie had just been friendly all this time. I felt like a complete fool, a sad case to think otherwise. I was a gambler. She was a nice girl. I had just lost $1700.

In comforting myself, I messaged Cindy.

Cindy

On Friday I went to court in the morning to observe one of our matters. It was in the busy court 3.1, so saw some familiar faces. One lawyer I went up against in the past asked me where I was now, and when I told her, she was like "you're just trying to see how many people can hate you" lol.

The courtroom was packed, and I managed to squeeze myself into a corner at the back. After a while, I looked around and noticed Victoria sitting in the second row. She was talking to a guy who works in my old office. I wondered what she was doing there and presumed she was observing. I was right. I stayed there for a while and she didn't have a matter. She wasn't really dressed to do a matter anyway.

After some people cleared the courtroom, I saw that sitting on her other side was an older Asian lady, which I presumed to be her mother. She must've taken her mother to observe. If she has time to take her mother to watch, how busy could she be?

After my matter was done, I stayed a bit, thinking about possibly trying to get myself in her line of sight, or hoping she'd turn around to see me. Maybe I was curious as to how she'd react. Maybe I wanted to show off. But in the end, I left, thinking it was all over anyway.

We had a half day at work because Ben is getting married this Friday and so we decided to have a lunch with him. We went to a pub called Harbourview, and it got pretty hot, which made me feel silly for wearing my three piece suit and new tie which I bought the night before.

While leaving the office, waiting for the lifts, Alex said I was the next one to get married so we could have another team lunch. I wonder how she knew I wasn't married?

Lunch was ok, though still don't feel as close to these people as I did in my old job. One time, while waiting to order food, Mob was next to me and all I could ask was whether she had been here before. After she asked me if I knew anyone from work was invited to the wedding, there was a long awkward silence.

But happy to say that was the peak of awkwardness. I ended up sitting with Mob, Gabby and Alex and participated a bit from time to time about whatever they were talking about.

After a while, Paul suggested he was leaving so I left with him. We walked back to the main part of the city talking about his future career. Also managed to collect some free packs of lollies being handed out lol.

I went back to the office to change. After Kieran left, I hung around in my room for a bit, just sitting there. It felt comforting. It kinda reminded me of all the times in my last job when I'd stay back after work. It really made me feel at peace.

Saturday
In the morning I went to basketball as usual, it was pretty fucking hot before it even reached 9am. Every time there was a break between games, I'd steal some rest in the shade. There was a new girl there who was kinda attractive, but later found out she's only 19 years old. A bit too young for me.

After that I went home, had a shower, and then took a nap, knowing I'd probably end up with a headache if I didn't.

I woke up, played some TLOU, then decided to go out to see if I could bump into Julie. I drove out and parked near the casino at 8pm, waiting to see if she'd walk along the main route to the casino.

You know this is stalking, right?

I know...god, help me.

I left after waiting for 15-20 minutes. I think I saw one guy who was a dealer there, but other than that, didn't see her or anyone else I recognised.

I then decided to go to my favourite haunt and see if that girl ever returned from Korea. It would also help me lessen the focus on Julie, as I realised I was becoming obsessed with the whole thing.

There was too many cars parked on the street closest to the entrance, so I had to park a few streets away, and then walk to an ATM to get some money out. When I went to the shop, it was the younger male receptionist. He seemed a bit nicer this time, no jokes about money.

I was shown three girls - the girl who came back from Korea, Sugi, and someone else. The first girl made a face when she recognised me. I didn't really recognise Sugi until she said her name. I picked the first girl.

She led me to the room and I asked if she remembered me, and she said yes. I told her I wanted to see her when she returned but didn't know her name. She told me her name was Cindy, and asked me for my name.

Well Julie never asked you for your name. What can you draw from this?

I joked that she was meant to bring me back some o-deng, and she said she couldn't take food past immigration. I joked that she could've kept it in her mouth and she laughed.

We stripped and then went into the shower. Usual process, a bit of chatter inside and then I came out first to dry myself off and laid down on the bed. She went down on me, and then asked if I wanted to go on top. I asked her to go on top, because I was tired. By now, I had a raging headache, and my legs were exhausted from basketball. She said she didn't really like top because she had no skills, "just up and down" but I wasn't really expecting much else.

After a while we switched so that I got on top, where I finished. She said to let her know when I finish. I asked why but couldn't make out her response.

We talked about o-deng again, and she said she had to talk to immigration. I said she didn't need to talk, and just give them the finger, which made her laugh. She did say that I could get o-deng from a restaurant menu and suggested Haru. I wondered if she was trying to suggest dinner.

We talked a bit more, and I got my phone out. She said she wanted to try lobster so I showed her some photos of lobsters, and she asked me for the address of some restaurants, so I showed her some. I asked if she wanted to go together and she said yes, even though I was only semi-serious.

I asked if she had Kakaotalk and Anipang 2. She said she used to have Anipang 2 but deleted it, after she couldn't get past level 122 because it was too hard lol. I asked for her number, and she dialled it into my phone and called hers so she could get my number. We checked my Kakaotalk to see if she'd show up, but she didn't. I knew it anyway, as I had registered with my Korean number.

When we talked about some other things, she mentioned that she didn't have any friends. I said she needed friends, and she said she had one friend in the shop. She also said she lived in Ultimo.

When the buzzer went, we both showered and got dressed. I asked her if any customers actually came at 3am given the shop closes at 4am. She said drug dealers. She said she didn't like them as they couldn't "get it up". She said they didn't like her, Indians didn't like her, and Aussies didn't like her. It didn't sound like she liked them either.

I was kinda glad to get out of there, only because I had this terrible headache. I felt so out of it, like I was in a daze. I was glad though that I had found her again.

Sunday
In the morning I washed the car, it looks so nice after some dents and scratches were fixed.

I had a nap, and although I planned to go to the gym, I didn't because I was too lazy and it was too hot. I did go out to get some groceries, but that was the extent of it, as I spent the rest of the day playing TLOU.

Today
Work was ok today, was a bit productive having gone through some documents. At lunch I went to the gym.

I couldn't help it and transferred $2000 to my bank account so I could gamble after work. I figured Julie wouldn't be there so it'd be a good opportunity.

I was right. When I got there, she was nowhere to be seen. I am pretty sure she has Mondays and Tuesdays off. I settled at a table with a Chinese girl as the dealer. Her name was Summer, and she was kinda cute.

I bought in $800 worth of chips and played. I was never up, and at times was close to pulling out my other $1200. But for the most part, I managed to hang around.

As I sat there, I was trying to notice the differences between her and Julie. I noticed Summer would also lean towards the wheel after calling no more bets and look in the direction of the end of the table. So maybe Julie wasn't doing it for me then? But then again, Julie could look straight ahead, but she chooses to look at me.

I also noticed how there wasn't any conversation between us, apart from the "thank yous" when she gave me my chips. It's really strange that I could have chemistry with one person but not another. Did Julie consider it chemistry?

The guy who looked like G started playing next to me. He is a bit funny. When he'd win, he'd say "yes, system" which made both the dealer and I chuckle. When the dealer asked, he said the number will be double the previous number. So when it landed on 9, the next number was 18. I asked if 36 would be next, and it wasn't. Also, when he'd lose, he'd ask "why?" lol.

She was the dealer for a while before there was a dealer change. This guy called Marco seemed like an experienced dealer - the quickness with which he handled chips, and the sharpness of his observations of the table as people placed their bets.

After a few spins with him, I got real luck when I bet the 1-2 sector with about $400, and it landed on 30 where I had four splits ($680). I thought about leaving, as I was now up $320. I mean, that was my punting money back and then some.

But Marco seemed a bit upset at times, and I (stupidly) felt that he wouldn't like it if I cashed in at that moment, so I played colour/column. I started losing it back so played sectors again, putting $120 on the 1-2 sector and it landed on 25 where I had a straight up. I was now up $420. He asked if I wanted a $1000 chip and I said I was thinking of leaving anyway, so I cashed in. I thought he was a good bloke for suggesting it, but looking back, he probably just wanted to get rid of me so he'd have less work. I leave with money, and he gets less work. Win-win.

I took a walk around the casino to see if Julie was at another game. She wasn't. I spotted some Asian guy playing $100 chips everywhere on the $25 roulette table and watched. He had just won big. I also saw that young Chinese girl with the Egyptian haircut. As she walked towards the table, she looked at me and there was a brief smile before she looked away and saw my smile in return.

She had a pile of $100 chips, maybe $2000 worth. I wondered if she was a working girl. She placed $200 each on two columns, and one $100 on a 0-1 split. It landed on 1. She yelped a bit in surprise, and another observer was saying how lucky she was. The Asian man had won big too. I heard the supervisor say they had run out of money for him, and they couldn't spin the wheel until more money came, so I took another walk around before finally leaving, going back to the office to change.

Self imposed temporary ban

So I had decided that perhaps it was best not to see Julie for a while, maybe a week, maybe two weeks. When she joked "I'll hate you forever", for some reason, at that moment, my mind recorded it onto a permanent roll of tape. As I walked away when she said that, it was a moment to remember, now like a .gif file in my head. It reminded me of that moment in Castaway when Tom Hanks said "I'll be right back" only to disappear thereafter.

In some sick, twisted way, I thought perhaps that would be a good way to end our 'thing'.

And so, this morning I went to the bank to deposit the $2000 bank roll I had been keeping in my wallet. I figured might as well try to earn some interest on that during my self imposed temporary ban. Now I won't have anything to gamble with even if the urges come.

My day at work was more productive than usual, but I still thought about Julie. I realised that it may be best that I don't try to pursue her...within the casino anyway. I felt like last night had become too obvious to onlookers, like her supervisor and the lady at the next roulette table, and the last thing I wanted to do was get her into trouble. The second last thing I wanted to do was to get myself in trouble with the casino.

Also, this morning after I had put down my fortnightly boarding money for my mom and noticed it disappeared shortly thereafter, I said to my dad that it always quietly disappears but if it doesn't arrive on time then my mom makes a loud fuss over it. My dad said the worst thing is she gambles. Part of me wondered if he said that because he secretly knew I gambled. Or did I just have a guilty conscience?

Anyway, I decided that maybe the best way to pursue Julie was to try to bump into her outside of work. So after work today, on the assumption that she finished at 8pm, I had some time to kill. I went to Myer to get some underwear as my current ones were well past their used by dates. I saw a pair of shoes that looked really nice, and they were discounted from $140 to $90, so I got them, as well as a Calvin Klein tie which I thought would be discounted but wasn't. And also got the underwear.

I returned to the office, got changed and then went to the gym. I stayed at the gym for a while to wait to close to 8pm, meaning I went on the bike twice. I left the gym at 7:40pm, and walked through Darling Harbour slowly, hoping she may come this way. She didn't. I walked along the bridge, thinking I may catch up to her if she took that route, but I didn't see her.

I don't even know what I'm doing.

But I think the self imposed ban is a good thing. I think she (like all girls) like the mystery, hence when I disappeared from her table last night, she seemed to be on the lookout for me. I think if I disappear for a bit, she may wonder about me. But I think by the next fortnight, she would've been rotated out of roulette.

I don't think she's interested?

For the most part of today, I could focus at work, but with the usual flipping between work, unrelated to work websites, and browsing the net on my phone.

The back of my mind got the idea that maybe it would be a good idea to ask Julie out for a coffee in Korean. I looked it up on the web to see how to say it. I pictured fantasised about walking up to her empty table, saying "annyung-hansayo", introducing myself and saying my name in Korean, and then asking her out for coffee in Korean.

She'd laugh, and then somehow accept and arrange to meet after work.

Should I even go tonight? Why not wait until Thursday? Yes, wait till tomorrow, that was the plan. You don't want to set a precedent of going on random days, you want to make Thursday a 'weekly' thing.

However, as the day drew to a close, I found myself deciding to go. I left the office at 4:35pm and headed down to my old office building for an interview with Sammy G's. I was a bit nervous, but as I sat in the waiting area, I found myself thinking about how to approach Julie later on.

What the hell man? Focus on the interview!

But I couldn't help it. All I could think of was Julie, and the interview was just something I needed to get over and done with so I could see her.

The interview was with AB and SH. I had come across both before but guess they don't remember me. They actually read my application so at least they were professional. I think I screwed up a few questions by being too vague, as I saw SH make a face. AB seemed particularly interested in the year long trial I was in.

I asked a few questions, found out floor fees were like $1600 per month, and off I went.

I then went back to the office, as I hadn't really shut down my computer or closed my door, and figured it was just a 'break' anyway, instead of calling it a day. But when I got back, Mob had left anyway.

So I went to the casino. If she was there, I'd talk to her and not gamble. If she wasn't, I'd gamble.

After going in hassle free, I checked out all the tables. She was nowhere to be seen. Hmmm. Guess gamble it is.

I sat down at a table and just after I bought $800 worth of chips, I saw her at the two far away tables.

Huh? Did she just check in? 

I was immediately distracted. I thought about going over straight away, but then told myself to be patient. Part of me wanted to just quickly lose everything so I could go over. That part of me took over. I placed $400 worth of chips on the 1-2 sector. I can't remember which number it landed on, but I won, where I had four splits, meaning $680.

I sat on my winnings for a few spins before there was a dealer change. With the new dealer, I played black/third column and won $20 and then cashed out.

I headed over. We made eye contact as I approached. I cracked a smile and she returned a smile in return.

I said "annyung-hasayo" and she said she didn't know I come on Wednesdays. I said I don't, as I usually have basketball. She asked me what time the games are and I said 6:30-10:40 and she looked at her watch, saying I should go. I explained that we didn't have a game tonight as we lost last week.

I then asked "mo hae?" and she corrected me to pronounce it as "mo hair?" meaning, what are you doing? She said "working". She then pointed at her supervisor, a short Vietnamese looking guy I had seen before, and said he understood Korean as well. They said a few words in Korean. She mentioned something about his age, and I said he looked young. She said "don't say that!" as if he got an ego stroke out of it.

She said she was tired as she had started work at 12. I asked her what time she finished work. Maybe it was just me, but I thought I saw her supervisor from out the corner of my eye look up at us when I asked that, as if he knew my intentions. She said 8pm.

I told her I had just come from an interview so I was a bit stressed from it. She asked me why I was changing jobs. I explained that I wasn't really changing jobs, just looking for chambers, and further explained that I might be going to the bar next year. Maybe I expected a compliment from her, so I was disappointed when she just said "it sounds complicated".

She asked me to let her know when to spin the wheel, and I said I don't play the double zero wheel. She asked "then why did you come over here?" and I awkwardly said "to talk".

She asked me if I helped people and I said I was on the other side. She was like "so you're a..." and I said "prosecutor", but she couldn't hear properly and asked "prostitute?" I laughed and corrected her, and she apologised, saying she couldn't hear properly.

She told me that she went to uni for six years, started with medical science and did one semester, then did speech pathology for two years, and then did her Arts degree majoring in Chinese. I was like "so you're one of those people" and she was like "what do you mean one of those people?"

I said she was talented as she could speak three languages, and she said two and a half. I said she could be an interpreter and she said she didn't want an office job, hence why she was here. She added that she had wanted to be a bar tender.

At one stage she was looking at the numbers on the display board, and said how she had spun up certain numbers. I said "so you're learning to read numbers now?" and she thought I was teasing her and laughed. I then said I meant, she was learning to read the sections.

By now I had taken a seat at the end of the table. I introduced myself in Korean and told her my name. She was like "ok". I asked her how my Korean was and she said it was good. I told her I took a Korean beginners class two years ago. She asked me why, and I said to learn something new, and it was better than being her. She said something about me being here now anyway.

She remarked that I was "so tanned". I shot back playfully with "you're so tanned" and she was like "no I'm not, I'm white as" and I agreed. I said she didn't look like the outdoor type, and she said that was because she was in here all day, doing day shifts.

She told me that she used to hate Australia, and was the reason she went overseas for a bit (think she said Korea). I asked her why she hated Australia and she told me, but I can't remember now. I was kinda busy thinking up a joke, telling her I could picture her becoming a terrorist since she hates Australia, and she said she doesn't hate it anymore.

I asked if she had dyed her hair (it looked orange) and she was like "yes, oh my god you're the first person who has noticed". She said her parents wanted her to dye her hair, explaining that they were very focused on her looks, being Korean. She also said she didn't live with them. I said I liked black hair. She said something about liking black as well, and I told her I liked it too, pointing to my black suit. She said my tie was navy though.

Sometimes there were moments of silence.

I said she so didn't look Korean, and she then turned to her supervisor (who by now had changed to the very fat woman) what she looked like and the fat lady said Chinese. I said it didn't help that she spoke Chinese, and she asked why would she study Chinese if she was Chinese lol, good point.

Later on one guy came over to the table and started playing. I went quiet and didn't say much. He won the first two spins and then started losing. Then another guy came over, and he talked to her a bit. He was half Korean, and he asked if she was Korean. She was like "see?!?" to me.

So while those two were playing, I just sat there in silence. I kinda liked it. It felt soothing, comforting, to be there with her. I was willing to settle for that. Just to be there with her.

A lot of the times, after she'd spin the ball and call no more bets, she'd lean close to the wheel and face me. When I looked at her, we'd both break into laughter. One time, she was like "what are you laughing at?" even though she was laughing too.

Also a lot of the times, she spun the ball out of the wheel. This happened like 4-5 times. She tried to ask for a smaller ball, but her supervisor just told her to deal with it. Also, the supervisor harshly corrected a slight error at one time. I felt bad for her.

I saw that some guy had come in to swap with the dealer on the other table, and I knew Julie would go on her break soon. I knew I had to get out of there. It'd be too obvious if I left when Julie left. So I decided to sneak away when she wasn't looking. I waited for her to turn her back to me while getting chips, and then I walked off, quiet as a ninja. Only her supervisor saw me.

I went to the main roulette area and watched some games. There was one guy playing with $100 and $25 chips everywhere, and he had stacks of $1000 chips in front of him. So I watched that for a bit, before moving to the two tables at the edge. I stood there and watched. I looked back at Julie, and there was a wall in between us blocking our line of sight.

I then saw her replacement go to her table. I tried not to look, but couldn't help but keep an eye on her. Not sure if she saw me from a distance. I was hoping she'd walk past me close to me, but she walked the other way. I looked up and she was looking at me. She made a gesture with her hand, index finger pointing, as if to say "naughty naughty" and she said "traitor" because I had changed tables.

I knew she'd be back in 15 minutes so I played a bit of colour/column and waited. She returned to a table at the far end, where I had initially started. I waited a bit before going over. Almost immediately, her supervisor saw me and seemed to get ready for my approach. Not sure if this was because he thought I was buying in, or if he was going to tell me to stop talking to Julie.

I didn't get too close to her table, but I pointed down at the tables I was at, and said those guys were playing $100 chips all over the table, and jokingly said I could bring them over if she wanted. She said "no, I'll hate you forever" as I waved goodbye and left.

I headed to a newsagency to recharge my Opal card. I thought about maybe trying to "bump" into her after work by walking along the bridge. It was now 7:30pm and she finishes at 8pm. I walked along the bridge to the bank to try to deposit my cash, but the ATM was out of service.

I walked back along the bridge, hoping to bump into her. As I neared the casino, I got more fearful and hoped that I wouldn't see her. How could I explain it? I ended up going back to the casino to take a taxi home.

The focus group

Today I left work about 25 minutes early to get to the focus group in North Sydney. I missed my stop but not by far, so had to catch another train back.

The whole thing was alright, better than I expected, and required less individual participation as I expected. One surprising thing was, there were name plates on our desks, and one at an empty spot was Peter! I was bracing myself in case he showed up, would've been a bit embarrassing, but he never showed up. It was a bit concerning that he'd do this, as it made me wonder how much money he was really making in his first year.

I was also wondering what the 'gift' was for attending and participating, as they didn't say. I was pretty sure it wouldn't be cash. They told us near the beginning, that we had a choice between a wine set and an Android tablet. I thought, who the hell is gonna go with the wine set?? One person did.

Anyway, that finished at 9:30pm and after that when I caught a train back to the city, I ended up going to the casino. Same plan - if she was there, I'd leave. But as I got closer, I started thinking, if she's there, don't gamble and just go talk to her, and ask her out or at least indicate you want to ask her out. I pictured her doing the night shift, standing at an empty table all alone. I mean, who the hell goes to the casino on a Tuesday night, right?

Everyone apparently. It was pretty busy in there. Only one empty roulette table, and she was nowhere to be seen. I bought in at a table with a dealer called Joel, who reminded me of Jamie Gao. I won on the first spin playing 1-2, then sat out the next spin which landed in 0-3. I played red/middle column and won $20 when it landed on 21.

By now I realised the most recent numbers were 23 and 10, with quite a few 23 before that. I bet on 1-2 with an additional straight up on 10 and 23. It landed on 23. I watched the next spin as it landed on 8. In the last 13 spins, seven of them had landed on either 10, 23 or 8. Unbelievable.

I cashed in with a $500 gain, and then walked around to see if she was at another game. At one of the blackjack/pontoon tables, I saw a figure that resembled her. My heart skipped a beat. She was dealing cards to some people. I walked in for a closer look, risking that she'd spot me and I would not be prepared with what to say.

It wasn't her. I was relieved.

I walked around a bit more before cashing in and walked out to the taxi rank. I saw that asshole cunt again and he took one look at me as I walked down the stairs and he was checking someone's bag. I'm sure he saw me get into the taxi.

I have a feeling I'll get banned soon, for what reason, I don't know. But I just need to see Julie one more time.

Maybe she doesn't work Mondays and Tuesdays?

Man, I'm in too deep. I force myself to obsess over stuff like this to distract myself from other things in life. Last night  woke up at 3am thinking about her. Not good. Not good at all.

Today I walked to work as usual, and had the usual struggles of trying to focus on my work. At one stage I even looked her up on facebook on my phone and put her photo in front of me to motivate me to work harder.

Do it for her.

Stupid, I know.

I was pretty crazy for her throughout the day, to the extent of overtly smiling, thinking about how she could be the one.

Throughout the day I was mentally battling back and forth as to whether I should go to the casino after work or not.

Don't go man, you don't want her to see you and think you're a compulsive gambling addict.

But it'd sure be good to win $100...

Why can't you just wait until Thursday to see her? You just saw her on Friday a few days ago.

Maybe I can go, and if she's there I'll leave, or play if she's not? Or just play far away from her if she is?

What if you lose? Then you'll have no money to see her on Thursday.

That reminded me. On Friday when I bought in some chips from her, she paused for a milli-second and gave me a look. I didn't think much of it at the time, but now I suspect she may have been thinking "what the? Thought you came over to talk to me, not to play?"

Anyway, I had decided not to go to the casino. I figured I'd be at the focus group tomorrow, then Wednesday I have chambers interview, so if I don't go today, I should be safe for two more days.

However, as the clock ticked to 5pm, my mind did a forceful change. I told myself I would go scope it out. If she's there, I'll leave. If she's not, I'll play.

Funnily enough, that asshole cunt of a security guard was at the entrance I went to. I felt nervous, but pulled out and opened my wallet as I approached. I asked if he wanted to check my ID and he dismissively said "nah" and the other guard laughed.

I went and scoped out the place with an intense look around. She was nowhere to be seen. Good, I guess?

I bought in $800 worth of chips at a table where there was one girl playing. The dealer looked like a kid with that plastic watch. I lost the first spin betting 1-2, lost the next spin betting 0-3, then won the next one betting 0-3 after realising he was alternating fairly evenly.

I made my way to a $170 gain soon after, and tried the black/third column strategy to try to reach the $200 mark. Surely, it was a safe bet. But I watched as the ball landed on 19...next to fucking 15.

I then bet like 20 something chips on the 1-2 sector, heavily favouring numbers 10 and 13 as they had recently come up. I watched as the ball jostled around a few slots before landing in 13. I quickly looked over and saw I had five splits on 13. That was $850. He asked me how I would like it and I said all cash as I was cashing out. That was all I needed.

So I had made a gain of $700. Pretty good considering I was just trying to aim for $200.

I then decided to walk around the casino, thinking maybe Julie had been sent to work on another game. I didn't see her, but saw a heavily packed baccarat table and decided to check it out. I then realised what all the fuss was about - two young Asian guys had stacked up their bets with $500 and $1000 chips. One guy had about $20-30k I reckon. They were waiting for the casino to bring more money to pay them out in the event of a win. This took a while, but when one of the tough guys arrived with the $5000 chips in a plastic case, the dealer started dealing.

I don't know the first thing about the game, so I watched the guy's reaction as he flipped over his cards.

He won. He jumped up and shouted, throwing his fists in the air, and everyone cheered.

Fucking hell.

I felt nervous for him, and it wasn't even more money. I looked at the chips I had in my hand and realised they were now covered in my sweat.

I somehow pictured Julie being the dealer, and seeing all that money. Would she think any less of me? It led me to some further theoretical questions, like how much is a man assessed based on how much money he can make? Would she be lured by money?

I remember reading on the whirlpool forum where some guy who used to be a casino dealer said in that environment, people lose respect for money.

Respect for money.

I couldn't put it any better. That's the whole aim of the casino I guess, to make you trivialise money, so that it is easier to lose.

I heard some guys behind me talk to another dealer about the win, saying something like "yeah but you know, when you win that much, you'll get used to it". I agree. I think you become desensitised to the bigger winnings, and you'll chase harder for a bigger win. Lord knows I did that. In the first month of keeping a record of my winnings and losses, after seeing how I was up $6000 for the month, going to the casino to win $100 was pointless. But what I had forgotten was, it was better to win $100 than lose $2000.

The same guy also relayed a story, telling the dealer that his friend had won $120,000 one night, but then came back to lose $1.2 million. The supervisor listening said you needed to "hit and run", meaning, don't come back after you win.

I was so excited, I felt like I had to tell someone. I walked back over to the roulette tables to look for an empty table with a dealer I knew (not many). I couldn't see any. I found one empty table and walked up to the dealer and told him what I saw. He seemed like an experienced dealer, saying the casino wasn't worried, because they know the guy will be back, and he will lose. He said this wasn't a charity, it was a business, and that they weren't concerned at all.

I went back to the baccarat table and the big winner had now gone, but the table was still crowded. I went to the roulette area again and spoke to the fat lady. I had a 10 minute conversation with her, after telling her what I saw, about money and the casino. She said when she first dealt those amounts, she was surprised because you could buy a car or place a house deposit with it, but she said now it doesn't faze her.

We talked about not chasing losses, how she felt as a dealer when players bet large amounts, and how some people hate the dealer when losing. She called it a love/hate relationship, you like them one minute when you win, and hate them the next when you lose.

I left when people started playing at her table and returned to the office to change, before going to the gym.

OMG I found her on Facebook!

This morning I went to the casino. Decided to skip gym as my knee was feeling sore. Or maybe that was just an excuse.

I got there at about 10:30am, thinking it would definitely be before Julie's shift so I was safe. There were about four $10 tables open so that was enough choice for me. I went to a table where the guy who looked like G was playing as well as a Thai looking guy. The dealer was that fat ugly but friendly guy, though he changed a few minutes after I bought in.

The new dealer was a girl who looked mixed, but later found out she was Filipino. The two guys left soon after she took over, I think they were winning with the previous dealer and didn't feel she had the same luck.

For the most part, I sat there playing while she talked to the supervisor. Another supervisor had yelled out something about going to the Phillipines for a holiday and she asked if it was for family. Then later I heard her speaking to her own supervisor about how she was robbed by her uncle at a very young age, so she doesn't like her Filipino family and so when the other supervisor said he was going for family, she didn't care too much.

They were talking about quite personal things, but from time to time she would ask me if I was ready to spin. She noticed that my bank roll would go up and down. I lost $400 at one stage but her sectors were varied enough for me to get a hit from time to time.

Somehow managed to outlast her shift and another girl called Anabelle took over. She looked kinda cute but only with make up, and I noticed a ring on her ring finger. She didn't talk to the supervisor as much, and we only started talking when I heard her supervisor say her name, as I said that was the name of a movie I watched last night.

We would make short comments with each other from time to time, just about the wheel and the numbers coming up. What I was paying attention to was how she was polite but not expressing any interest. In my own way, I was trying to convince myself that there were clear differences between the way Julie and her treated me.

I managed to get my gain up to $400 and then sat quietly as an old lady sat down next to me and would talk about the numbers. We watched as Anabelle spun up the 0-3 section SEVEN times in a row, with doubles of 7 and 29. Un-fucking-believable. If I had bet on those, I would've fucking lost the lot.

The other thing I wanted to train myself with, was to leave even when I was enjoying it. I actually was enjoying it, it just seemed like a good past time. I kinda felt as old as the old lady, just watching what numbers come up like bingo. But in the midst of it all, I cashed in and left as I had already exceeded my target.

Anyway, for the past few days I have been searching facebook to see if I could find Julie. I went with popular Korean surnames like "Lee" and "Kim" but nothing. I then googled "popular Korean surnames" and realised Park was one. So I typed that in...and it was the first result!!

OH MY GOD!!!

Hating myself

Yesterday morning I went to Saturday basketball, had the usual run around for three hours which was good. However, I could feel my right knee still wasn't 100% as the strained ligament seemed to be acting up.

After that I went home to eat, shower and sleep. I woke up thinking about going to the casino, but a large part of me didn't want Julie to see me. So I went to the shopping centre near me to watch Annabelle. It was pretty scary, and I wondered why a mother would take her family of kids in to see that.

After that, I thought about just going home and calling it a night by playing TLOU. But having a car to myself for the night gave me a sense of freedom. Suddenly, I wanted to be free, I wanted 'one of those' nights, minus the whoring. So I headed out to the casino. Even though I was stuck in traffic heaps, I kinda enjoyed it, especially thinking about how this would give me more chance to miss seeing Julie. I'd get there at about 8pm, so good chance she would be finished by then.

When I got there, I quickly did a walk around to scan all the tables. It was all clear until I reached those two obscure tables that are placed a bit far away from the rest. She was there, with her back turned so she didn't see me. She was talking to an older guy who was the sole person at the table. A part of me immediately felt jealous, thinking she treated me just like she treated every other customer. 'She talks to you, she is talking to him' was the reasoning.

But was she laughing with him? Did she turn around to look for him? There's your answer, I told myself. Besides, she's allowed to fucking talk to other people. Funny how you had no problems with Jin having sex with other people at her work but got intensely jealous seeing Julie talking to a guy. But then again, who knows how I may have felt had I actually witnessed Jin 'at work'?

I told myself to calm the fuck down. She wasn't even my girlfriend. I was putting her on the pedestal and obsessing too much already. You've made this mistake too many times before my friend.

But then another part of me was glad she was out of sight. I sat down at the table nearest the entrance and played. I won $300 quickly and should've walked out. But I needed $300 more to clear my credit card debt and so I kept playing. That's chasing, I know, but I didn't care.

There was a dealer change and the 'thank you' guy was the new dealer. He spun up FIVE 0-3 sections in a row which nearly fucking killed me. I was on the absolute fucking brink. I realised that I should just give in to the trend, and shortly after that streak, I placed my last $400 on the 0-3 section.

Thoughts quickly flashed through my mind: I was stupid to not leave when I was up $300, Julie would ashamed of me, and I thought about how I was throwing my future with Julie away by throwing money away.

I watched as the ball landed on...15.

I had three straight ups and four splits, equally $1,730. I had largely made my money back. From then on I grinded the fuck out of the wheel and slowly made my way back to my initial capital plus a gain of $220. I cashed out and got the fuck out of there. Talk about fucking luck.

I went home wondering if Julie had seen me. I checked for her before leaving and she was nowhere to be seen. I don't think she saw me because I kept an eye out for the path near my and never saw her, so assumed she would've taken another path where it would've been harder to spot me.

I feel so bad, and so ashamed, and yet I'm thinking about going again today.

Am I destined to marry a Korean?

Writhing around in bed last night, my foot touches something wet.

Ah shit, did my cat piss on my bed?

Please tell me it's a puddle. Maybe there's a hole in the ceiling and water is leaking?

Maybe I can go back to sleep and not touch it with my foot until the morning?

Finally I decided to get up and inspect. It was a small piece of shit with what looked like moss on it. Gross. Why the fuck did they shit on my bed? The windows were open. They knew better than that. I woke my mom up and she threw the sheets out and replaced them, all at 2:30am.

I went back to sleep and woke up at 6am-ish. I had to leave early today because I had an interview with chambers. I got dressed and caught the bus out to work. When I got to the office, I changed suits and then left. It was a bit earlier than we planned and I thought the sliding doors would need security access, so when I saw the clerk Emma inside I waved like an idiot, only to see them open in front of me.

We greeted each other and things seemed to start off well. I mentioned that we may have emailed each other years ago and she said she remembers. She showed me around briefly before we went into a barrister's chambers to talk. I found her to be quite frank, saying they could only handle one reader per session because there was not enough work to go around. She said it was quite competitive and emphasised the need to network. Good thing was there were no floor fees, just disbursements.

She also emphasised the need to be available at all times. That was me, although I didn't say anything because I assumed it was a given. However, as the session went along, I got the feeling maybe she lost interest, telling me they had already primarily chosen someone who was taking the exams in February. She asked me to let them know when I pass, and I told her I had already passed. That made me think she didn't read my application letter.

This was confirmed when she asked me to send in a full CV and application letter by the end of November if I was still interested. I had already sent those in to her in my initial email. Hmmm. Also, maybe it was just me, but when we parted, we shook hands and she just turned around and walked away. It didn't seem like very positive body language to me.

At work, I managed to prolong the meeting somewhat as I didn't really feel like going back to my desk lol. But after the meeting I was still fairly productive going through a file.

I met with Rom for lunch. She had me meet her at court which made me suspect something was up. When I got there, she told me she wanted to introduce me to her boss so I could get some work off him if I went to the bar but unfortunately he had left early.

We went to that ramen place we had been to before. At first we had lots to talk about, like the trial she was in, my interview in the morning, but then as we neared the end of our meal, I kinda went introverted and got quiet. She looked at me, thinking. I asked for the bill and she got her money out ready to pay, but I took the bill when it came and paid for it over her protests.

The afternoon in the office was quite uneventful. I was now going through my file at snail's pace. Checking my computer, then checking my phone, flipping through a few pages, and repeating the cycle.

By 4pm I had had enough. I was waiting for 5pm to roll around so badly. I had decided to go to the casino, DESPITE my rule to never go on Friday nights and DESPITE my rule to not see Julie two days in a row, and DESPITE the fact that I was now using my dad's money to gamble.

I was feeling somewhat mixed. I told myself that if she was there, then I'd just talk to her and not gamble and maybe try to ask her out. But as I neared the casino, I realised I wanted to gamble more than I wanted to talk to her. In fact, I hoped she wouldn't be there just so I could gamble without any distractions.

When I went in, I didn't see her at the first lot of tables and felt relieved. I looked further down and saw someone who looked like her. I was pretty sure it was her, but the distance and my poor eyesight made her look a bit different. It looked like she had a big jaw.

I sat down at a table in the first lot and bought in $1000 worth of colour chips. I kept looking over at Julie. She had one guy playing at her table. I looked back at my table and saw the guy had spun up quite a few 0-3 sectors. I thought I'd bite the fucking bullet and go with it, placing $200 worth of chips on that sector. I got heaps lucky as it dropped on 15, where I had two straight ups and two splits. It was next to 32 where I had even more. Oh well, can't complain.

The next spin I bet $400 worth again but this time on 1-2 sector. I got lucky again as it landed on 34 where I had two straight ups. I immediately cashed out, figuring a $800 win was good enough.

I went over to Julie's table, feeling a bit more confident. She saw me and smiled brightly. I said "aren't you supposed to be studying?" and she explained that she had finished studying last year. I said I thought she said she was studying now but she said she finished last year. She mentioned something about having been unemployed for five months before working here. She said she studied Arts majoring in Chinese and that was why she could speak Chinese. I said I speak Cantonese and she asked if I was in Canton. I was a bit disappointed that she remembered my job but not where I was from before correcting her saying Hong Kong.

I asked if she was working night shift and she said no, that her shift finishes at 8pm, but that will change soon. I said it was good as Friday night can get a bit rowdy. She asked if I come on Friday nights and I said not usually.

There was a couple playing and I waited until they lost and left before taking centre stage and talking to her. For a while we just talked without any indication from me that I would be playing. I joked that she swore at me in Chinese last week, and she laughed. I asked her where in China she was from and she was like "China?" and she said she wasn't from China. She asked me to guess, and said it was obvious by looking at her face.

I looked at her face, noticing a small pink area on her left cheek covered by make up. I gave a confused look and she said she was Korean. I said "annyung?" before correcting myself with "chincha?"

Are you fucking serious? Am I destined to meet and marry a Korean girl? Who the fuck is going to believe this? People will think I was targeting Korean girls or something. Fuck.

I told her I went to Korea last year and she said she was there too, but also in Beijing for like five days.  She asked me what I did there and I said just sightseeing and eat. I said things were cheap and she said not really. I said I'd show her photos one day, as if it was my way of asking her out, and she teased that it would be boring, before saying she was joking.

I asked if she was from Seoul and she said yes. She asked me what I liked to eat and I said o-deng, and the spicy soup with noodle and spam. She told me the name of it in Korean but I can't remember. I asked if she could make it and she said no but it was easy to make.

We went back to her job/education and she said she only studied her course to get the qualification and make her parents feel proud. I joking asked "do they know you can't cook a simple Korean dish?" and she made a pouting face with no cheeky response.

I asked if she would get into trouble if we just talked without me playing. She looked back at her supervisor and said she didn't know. So I bought in $200 worth of chips. I was betting colour/columns and won like $40 before losing $80.  I realised $200 at a $10 table really wasn't fucking much. She looked at my bets, as if trying to figure it out, and then said "you probably know more about roulette than me" and I said "it's all just luck anyway".

She spun up a 29 and I said that was my birthday. She asked me if I was 29 and I said no. She asked me how old I was and I asked her to guess, before adding it was a number on the wheel. She seemed stumped at first, before I said it wasn't zero and she laughed. I said it had to be over 18. She guessed 30 and I said no. She guessed 34 lol. She then guess 32 and I said yes. Later it landed on 32 and she said that was my age.

She asked if I was cancer and I said yes, and she said she was cancer as well, born in July. I said she must be 22 (figuring if she graduated recently) and she said she was 24. At that moment, I wondered if she felt the age gap was a problem. I tried to detect any signs that showed reluctance but couldn't find any.

We talked about me knowing Korean swear words, and I said I knew one. She invited me to say it so I did, saying I didn't know the meaning of it though. She said "shiba" meant the f word and "sekia" meant "you asshole" lol. I explained that a guy in high school always said it in basketball. She asked me what high school I went to and she guess James Ruse (implying I was smart) and I told her. She teased me by asking if I had graduated in 1995 (implying I was old). She named her school but I had never heard of it, and she said it was in Epping.

At one point some Indian guy joined and when she was about to slide some chips over to him, one pile fell over. I jokingly shook my head in disapproval before noticing her supervisor watching. That is a big thing for them as it slows the game down. I thought about it for a few moments before saying "these chips are too slippery" and the supervisor laughed and said "aw come on!" haha.

When the next dealer came to change over, I felt like she didn't give me a goodbye look, but maybe that was because the Indian guy was placing his chips in front of me and blocking my view. I kept playing, knowing she'd return to the table diagonally opposite.

I had lost $200 playing with her, but with this next dealer managed to win it back and more. I noticed her return and that she entered the table lot from the exit away from me. She started dealing at the table diagonally opposite and I would glance over from time to time. When she started, there was one Asian guy already playing and she spoke to him a bit. I wondered if she was friendly to everyone or if she gave me any special treatment.

At one stage when her table was empty, she turned around to look at me and let out a laugh. I laughed with her. That's a good sign right? We seem to laugh with each other for no apparent reason. Maybe she wasn't concerned about the age difference?

I cashed in when I was up $1030 and then went over to her table to say I was leaving. She said "have a good weekend" and something else but I had already walked away.

Throughout the whole time I had wanted to ask her out or ask for her number but her supervisor was too close. When I got home, I figured I should ask for her Kakaotalk next time.

The $1600 flirt

After work today I went to the casino.

Strolled in as usual and headed towards the roulette tables. I didn't see her at the first lot of tables, but then I saw her dealing at a table in the second lot! There were quite a few people playing at her table, so I thought maybe not a good opportunity to talk to her. I walked past, pretending to look around, and I think she saw me. I walked around and went to an empty table to exchange my $1600 into $100 chips. I figured it was 'cooler' to approach with cash chips rather than clumsily pulling my notes out.

So I walked one round and pretended to watch a table near hers. I looked over and saw some of the people at her table had dispersed. There was one Asian man and one lady who was semi-playing.

I walked over and smiled to greet her and she smiled back.

YES!!! HAHAHA!

Her last spin was a zero, and I pointed at the board, saying "zero!" and she nodded. I watched one spin before buying in $800 worth of colour chips. She gave me a look before taking my chips and colouring me up.

She had spun a few 0-3 sections so I placed my bets on 1-2 and won. When she slid my winning chips over, she said "for the lawyer". Not sure if this was a good sign or not. I mean, if this is all she can remember, then...I fear she might be a gold digger. Or status digger. But then again, she doesn't know my name, so what do I expect?

I asked if she spun all the numbers on the board and she said yes. She said she was making more mistakes than last week. I said "I didn't know that was possible" before quickly adding "joking" with a smirk. She playfully opened her eyes wide for a second as if to threaten me lol.

We stole glances at each other throughout the next few spins. She made a slight mistake when paying out a guy by placing his winnings near the winning number, and her supervisor came over to correct her. Hope she didn't feel embarrassed. 

She said she had seven minutes left in her shift. She spun the ball but mucked it up, it was a bad spin and she recalled the ball. Then suddenly, a dealer came over and changed her over immediately. We exchanged eye contact as if to say goodbye before she left.

I wasn't sure at first if she was just going on a break or if she had finished her shift. Only when I didn't see her come back for the rest of the night did I get my answer. So it seems this time she finished at 6pm, whereas last time she finished at 7pm.

I was up $300 but slowly and surely started losing. I should've left when I was up (hindsight is great isn't it?) but ended up losing my $1600. I managed to hang around the $800 mark for a long time before I lost my patience and placed bigger bets. I just wanted to get out of there, but for whatever reason, I had to lose everything first.

Funnily enough, I didn't feel a need to chase it, even though it was the last $1600 on my credit card. Maybe it was because I didn't have any money left to gamble with? Or maybe I had matured? Or maybe I just wanted to see her?

I'll try to see her next Thursday. But there has to be a cheaper way to see her goddamnit.

No Julie :(

On Saturday morning I went to basketball at the courts nearby. Maybe it was not having played for a few weeks there, or maybe it was the heat, but early on I found myself struggling to run. I just seemed to prefer to walk when possible, but I did run when I needed to.

After that I went home, had a shower, then had a nap, knowing I would need the rest for basketball training later on. I was close to going to the gym, but instead used the time to look up youtube videos for drills we could do.

I went to pick up Kevin and was a bit annoyed, because he was asleep and wasn't answering his phone. About two minutes after I drove off he called me, and so I had to turn around to get him and wait. We ended up being about 50 minutes late to training.

The session was ok, Mark got pissed because of people's lack of discipline and arguments from Mike as to left handed lay ups.

After that we went to a Thai restaurant in Stratty to eat. I kept looking out for a possible Jin sighting, as it was full of Koreans, but didn't see anyone close to her. I did, however, see some other hot Korean girls and it made me realise that there were better girls out there (for me?).

During the meal, we talked a bit about next season. I asked if we would have the same team, and Mike said yes, unless I wasn't playing. I thought about telling them at that moment that I wanted this next season to be my last, but I enjoyed the team camaraderie too much. I enjoyed being with the guys too much. I enjoyed basketball too much. So I said nothing.

On Sunday morning I bummed around on the net, then went back to sleep, and when I woke up I dragged myself to the gym. I had planned to go see Annabelle afterwards but my stomach wasn't feeling up to it. So instead I went home and played Last of Us.

Guess what? That meant I had a total CLEAN weekend without gambling or whoring! Woo! You know how much money I saved??

Last night I had a dream / nightmare. I dreamed I was stuck in a toilet cubicle, but for some reason I could stick my head out through the door. A baby boy dragged the second model of the PS4 to give to me. The baby was my son. His mother was Jin. I was crying and hugging my son, apologising for his mother being a prostitute, telling him it wasn't his fault. It was mine. I had brought him into this world.

Today work was the usual - half reading, half checking my phone. At lunch I went out to send a letter (to change the name for the speeding offence to my dad's) and bought a pair of long socks from Rebel.

In the afternoon, as the clock ticked towards knock off time, I began thinking about going to the casino to see Julie. I was thinking about what to say. I pictured her standing at the table alone with no one playing. I'd walk up and say "cleaned everyone out already huh?" Or maybe I could say "hey, you're the zero girl".

I had my credit card with me specifically for this possibility, and after work I did end up going. As I walked to the casino after withdrawing $1600, I thought maybe I could say "are you the girl who's going to make me rich tonight?"

I was so looking forward to it. Making money was no longer the goal. The goal was to see her and talk to her. And not lose any money.

When I got there, I eagerly walked around the tables to look for her. She wasn't there. I saw the Vietnamese MILF though.

I was disappointed.

I went to the table where I had talked to her last time, hoping maybe she was just on a shift break and would come in due course. I bought in $800 worth of chips. Pretty soon, I lost $600 and had to buy another $800 worth of chips.

Suddenly, all I wanted was to make maybe a $100 gain and walk around looking for her. With a bit of luck, I started making a bit back. Then on one spin, I won huge - I had three straight ups and four splits on 24. I almost couldn't believe my eyes as I watched the ball drop into the 24 slot.

I was now up $800. From there, I played kinda small for a bit before losing one spin which made me grind the wheel again. I recall at one stage, all I wanted was one last small win playing the 1-2 sector, and I told myself I'd finish up if I got it. I watched as the ball rolled towards the 0-3 sector but hit a ridge, bouncing back into 21 - next to four and just within my sector. I thanked my lucky stars and knew I should've left, but I kept playing.

It was about 6:30pm now, and I remembered how she finished her shift at around 7pm, so if she was working somewhere else, now would be a good time to walk around the casino to look for her. But I saw that Asian girl with the Egyptian hairstyle and I stayed, hoping she'd come to my table. Maybe it was just me, but I thought I saw her playing with $100 chips. She must be chasing losses. I watched as she lost those chips and left. How sad.

I saw another Asian girl playing, one I had seen before. She is real plain Jane looking, would never think she was a gambling addict. But I could tell, as she seemed to rush her bets as the ball was winding down its fall. I could also tell she gambled out of some other inherent reason. I don't think she was greedy or needed money. She kinda reminded me of myself in my early gambling years.

I finally left with a $910 gain. Not bad given I was only after $100. I walked around the casino, thinking I'd say to Julie "did they kick you off roulette?" if I saw her at another game. But I didn't see her. I cashed in and left, going back to the office to change.

Maybe I'll see her on Thursday.

Julie!

Well my gambling perma-ban didn't last long.

On Tuesday I returned to the casino. Despite having no funds from the personal loan, I had my credit card on me. After work I used it to withdraw - the max I could get was $800. I figured if I could win back my punting money with Misha, then that would be great.

I was extremely careful this time, I played incredibly tight, and my self control had been restored. Maybe it had to do with a week long break. Or maybe it had to do with the fact that I only had $800 to play with and that I'd have basically nothing left if I lost it.

I was determined to avoid empty tables. I found a table where two Asian men were playing with a fat blonde dealer. I bought in at that table. I was patient enough to wait for two spins in 0-3 section before betting. I won the first spin, netting me $60. I won the next spin, netting me another $60. I won again as it landed on 21, just within my sector, next to 4 which would've lost my money. Up $180, I played the colour/dozens strategy and made $20 twice, netting me $220.

I cashed in almost immediately. I didn't lose a bet, which was incredibly lucky. I had met my target, and now I was leaving. I went to another table to watch that acquaintance of the milf for a bit, disappointed that the milf wasn't around. I then left the casino and walked back to the office to get changed.

Yesterday after work I caught the train to basketball with Genie. We talked about work and me interviewing for different chambers. I got off at my station and then walked to the stadium. I wasn't playing, but I was dressed just in case I would be needed. I went mainly to help with duty and record the game, but they decided to have whoever was on the bench to record it.

We played HBK, the best team, and did really well. There were several lead changes and we only lost by five. Mike's brother was on fire in the beginning. I watched in awe as he hit shot after shot, thinking about how bright of a future he had as a basketball player. I felt like I wanted to take him under my wing and help him become a better player. After the game we all went to Pine Inn to eat.

Today, after work I went to the casino. It wasn't planned, but the bug crawled into my brain as the clocked ticked closer to 5pm. I figured I could win another $100 easily. This time, I changed my max withdrawal and took $1600 from my credit card.

I went in and waited a bit before finding a suitable table. The dealer was a tall Caucasian man, and there was one old lady playing and one old lady watching (with chips in her hand). I was patient and in control again, and my winnings were up and down, though I was never close to losing my first $800.

I did spot that Asian chick dealer earlier, but it was an empty table and you know how I am about empty tables. However, I also knew that when it was her turn to take a break, that she would come to my table. And that's exactly what happened.

She didn't seem to react much when I greeted her with a nod as she took over from the other dealer. I looked at her badge and noticed her name was Julie. I also noticed that her photo was quite good and clear, she had a good smile and a good pose, nothing awkward or too dated. Without thinking, and because I was in a bit of a talkative mood, I said "you have a nice photo". Didn't detect much reaction, until I added "you're very photogenic" which made her chuckle a bit, maybe out of embarrassment. I said other people's photos were so so.

She started spinning. I skipped the first spin and then started playing. I lost the first spin, and then won the next one. An Asian guy sat down next to me and cashed in. I could tell he came over for her, and he was starting to chat her up. He awkwardly asked her how she was and she said she was tired. I noticed he played with $25 chips, placing 15 chips on splits, which didn't make much sense to me. He covered 30 numbers, and if he won, he'd win two chips, but also put himself at risk to lose 15 chips. Using 15 chips to win 2...hmmm.

He cashed out later and she asked "you want $500?" and he said "$1000 would be better". She seemed confused, looking at the chips to make sure they didn't add up to $1000. It was his attempt at a joke.

He left and it was just Julie and I again with the old lady who wasn't playing (she cashed out later). I decided that she wasn't interested in conversation, so let her be. She asked me to let her know when I wanted her to spin, and I said not to worry about me as sometimes I don't bet.

At one point, just as she was about to spin, she said "no more bets". Realising what she had said, she laughed, and I said "you are tired" which made her laugh more. We started talking from there as she said that was the third time today she had made that mistake. She also said she made another mistake today, something about over paying someone $50, and the casino was trying to hunt the guy down lol.

She said I looked like a businessman and I told her I was a lawyer. She said I looked like a regular player and I said I had been playing for a few years (under-statement of the century). I detected a bit of a frown, so then I added "but on and off, sometimes I play for a few months and then I disappear for a few months". That seemed to enliven her mood again.

The fat lady dealer walked by to shuffle the chairs, and said to Julie "this is a good man, let him win", pointing at me. She asked me if I was winning, and I showed her $40 worth of chips, and said that was my gain. She said it was still something, before leaving.

I asked if she preferred quiet tables or busy tables, and she said it depended on her mood. I asked if she worked any other games and she said no, that it was only her second week at work and they started her on roulette. I asked if she enjoyed it and she said it was too early to tell. I asked if she played and she said she had no interest in gambling. I asked what made her apply for a job here and she said her sister wanted to apply and they both planned to send applications in, but her sister didn't send it and she got the job.

I lost one spin and she said something in Chinese. I shook my head and said I only understand Cantonese, not Chinese. She said it was something Chinese people said when they lost.

I asked her what time she started and she said noon. I said that was a long time, but that it probably would've been quiet. She said no, that there were crazy people who come in at all times.

She asked me what I specialised in and I said crime, and she said that would be interesting. She asked if I had always wanted to be a lawyer and I said no. We mentioned how Asian parents want their children to become doctors or lawyers. We started talking about the game and she said zero would be coming up soon. I said "don't say that" as I was betting 1-2 sector. After the result came out I said "or at least tell me before I place my bets" and she said I could've changed it. She said she gets zeros a lot, and so every now and then we'd see how close to zero she got.

I was up, and decided to play along, placing one chip on zero for two spins. When I lost, she said it made her feel bad lol. I was up $400 at one stage, but lost a bit back.  She said she had seven minutes left till her shift finished and that her hands were shaking.

You HAVE to leave before she does. Leave her wanting more, don't over stay your welcome.

I watched as she paid out someone's street. She seemed a bit unsure of the pay out at first, looking at her supervisor. I laughed, she saw it and playfully said "what are you laughing at?" I said nothing, that I was just happy.

I cashed in with a $270 gain. She wished me a good day and I said "you too" and left.

Bravo.

As I walked back to the main part of the city, I immediately thought about the future. What if we start dating? I'm sure it's a lot better to meet someone from the casino than in a brothel. Would her parents mind that she met a gambler from her work at the casino? I don't need Jin and her demand for $50,000. There are girls out there who can like me without me paying for it, and Julie seemed like one of them.

I also thought about how this could help keep me in control of my gambling. I obviously don't want her to see me there too often, so this would deter me from going all the time, or going bat shit crazy and betting $400 per spin.

I pictured myself promising to her that I would never gamble again if we were together.

Yes, I think way too far ahead.

Misha

On Saturday afternoon I went to the gym and had a huge gym session. Well, huge given what I have been doing as of late. Like I did the two different bench presses, whereas for the last few years I've only been doing one. I felt motivated and re-charged to have long gym sessions again and just to dedicate myself to working out.

On Sunday I stayed at home for most of the day playing TLOU, then made it to the gym near closing time and did the bike and some chin ups, then went to pick up pizza to watch the Rabbitohs v Bulldogs game at home. It was a good game to watch. I wasn't going for any team but wanted a close match. That Sam Burgess guy is my new idol.

This morning, I went to the courts for a shoot around. My knee yesterday felt back to normal after taking just one of the tablets my doctor gave me, but today it felt a bit sore again as yesterday I didn't take a tablet. Actually both knees felt sore and I wondered if it was because of the bike.

I mainly shot long distance twos in front of the rim, interspersed with free throws. For a while those long twos felt good. I felt good rhythm. But after a while, it felt like I was "over doing it" and began losing my rhythm. I began questioning my form, and wondered where it had gone from five minutes ago. It was all in the mind, I told myself.

I started getting bored, and then set a goal to try to hit three in a row. It proved a bit more difficult than I thought. I was pretty sure I had already hit three in a row before this, but now that I had consciously made this decision, it was game on. I would get two in a row a lot, and then miss the third one. Again, this was all in my mind. After a while I finally got three in a row and left.

I went home, shaved and had a shower. I then spent a couple of hours editing a video of one of our games to point out areas of improvement. That took longer than I expected.

I had a bit of a nap and then woke up to go to the gym. After gym, I went to the shop to see if that girl I saw last time was working. It was the fat older receptionist this time, who greeted me very warmly. I asked him about the girl and he had no idea who I was talking about. Hmmm.

Then I heard the bell ring and he closed the door in my waiting room and I heard him talk to a Caucasian sounding male. He told the guy to come back at 6-6:30pm when there would be eight girls on. The guy said he wanted to book a girl and when asked which one, he said any. I heard him make a booking for Mark, and the receptionist's name was Jack.

After the guy left, Jack came back to my room and told me the guy was drunk. He told me two girls were working: Misha and Sugi. Hmmm. I didn't really want to see Sugi, and with a bit of encouragement from him, I went with Misha.

I heard her approaching and ask Jack something, and he said "Chinese, Hong Kong". She then opened the door and came to collect me. I went to Jack's desk and asked for a visitor's card. He seemed a bit reluctant but gave it to me. He wrote the number 228 on it and asked me to write my name. I gave a false name of Tony. He offered to keep the card there or I could take it, and I said he could keep it there.

Misha told me to go upstairs and when I reached that mid-level, she asked me to turn left. I went in and said "number four" as that was the number on the door. She said I looked intelligent with glasses on. I joked that I could understand Korean and she said some words and I just said "yes" pretending I understand.

She went back out to get some lotion, and when she returned I asked what it was for and she said massage. We showered together and she said I was very tanned. I told her I played "noongul" and she laughed. She asked if I watched the game last night and when I said yes, she asked if I watched it at the casino. I wondered if she had seen me there. I asked if she watched it and she said girls don't watch football games. When I asked if she played basketball she said girls don't play basketball.

She seemed pretty focused on washing me below the equator, and after the shower she stayed in a bit longer to wash herself as per usual. When she finished she asked me where I was from and I said Korea. She said something in Korean and then said "baby, I know you are not" and then I said Africa which made her laugh.

Onto the bed, I laid down on my back and she asked me to turn over for a massage. She applied some lotion  and started massaging me. She asked me to let her know if it was too hard, and I kept playfully saying it was too hard. She joked that I was a difficult customer complaining about everything, so we went with that theme.

She did some pulling on my legs which reminded me of those massage girls. I told her about the girl I saw last time hoping she would tell me the name. But I couldn't give much of a description. I told her she went to Korea for a week and she didn't know. She asked me if she had any tattoos and I said no. She said "baby, half the girls here have tattoos, have the girls here don't have tattoos". I said she had small breasts, and she said again "baby, half the girls here have small breasts, half the girls here have enhanced". I was about to ask if hers were enhanced, but thought it would be a bit rude. I knew the answer anyway.

She did try to think about who it could be, and when I added that she had only been in Australia for four months, she said the girls didn't talk about things too personal together. In the end, I was no closer to finding this girl.

She asked me to turn around after the massage and said the sex would start. She went down on me. She was very good at it, and I now knew why she was so famous. She nearly made me finish in her mouth, and I had to try to hold myself back. After a long while she moved up to suck on my nipples and then got on top of me. After a bit of this, she asked to change and said it was time I did some work. I got on top of her and finished that way. I thought about how I was banging someone Jin knew. I don't think they're friends though.

She said I was good and that I had made her too tired to work anymore. I said she probably said that to every customer, which I knew pushed her buttons. She said she didn't, but I knew it was a lie.

She asked me to lay down and relax. She said she would get me some water, and asked if I wanted that or coke. I said soju, and she said it wasn't good for the immune system. She asked if I smoked and I said no, and she asked if I minded if she smoked, and I said no. She said second hand smoking wasn't healthy. I asked about third hand smoking and she laughed. When she went out I asked for a lemonade and she sarcastically asked if I wanted sex on the beach. I was actually serious about the lemonade.

She came back with two coffees. She said it was Korean lemonade. There was something in my coffee which she got out with her finger nail. We drank that and talked. I told her she was lucky because the other customer was drunk. She said she didn't see drunk or drug using Aussies anyway.

She said she sensed that I was the stubborn type, and said that if we were a couple one of us would die. I used my fists to make a "clashing" gesture. I joked that we could both die together and told her various ways. She chose dying by drugs as that was painless.

We talked about difficult customers and she said some were difficult because of the things they asked for. I asked what they were and she said "privacy". She said whatever happens in the room with a customer, she doesn't tell. Well I hope she doesn't tell Jin about this visit.

She brought up the girl I saw last week and said I must like her. I said not really. I said I saw her in the line up last week and asked if she remembered me. She said she sees lots of customers so she didn't. I wondered then, if she remembered me at all as Jin's boyfriend? Jin did point her out to me once but she didn't look like this. Alternatively, I wonder if she was Hongy? And if so, would she remember me from the time I picked her up at the grocery store?

Throughout the whole session I wondered if she knew who I was, but I could never see anything in her eyes or anything she did which gave a hint. She actually laughed a lot, and I even joked that she had an evil laugh. But I knew deep inside me that this was all just a fantasy. Maybe she did know who I was but was just treating me as another customer. Or maybe she didn't know who I was and was just treating me like another customer. If I didn't know better, I would've thought that she liked me. But I did know better. I knew this was just an hour long fantasy.

I did this thing at one stage where I blew with my lips, and she tried but couldn't do it, which surprised me. When she saw how surprised I was, she came back with a twisted tongue and asked if I could do it and I couldn't. I was impressed.

We talked about body shape, and I said I felt a bit fat, and she said even though abs look good, girls want to feel a bit of fat when hugging their boyfriend. I said I'd come back in six months to see her as a fat guy, and she laughed and said ok.

When I mentioned that I didn't like girls with tattoos, she said she had a tattoo but wouldn't tell me where. She asked me not to judge, and I said she couldn't judge drunken drug users either, but she said it was different. She said I had to meet a girl like her once in my life, a girl who clashes with my personality. I said I had no choice as she was the only girl available, and she laughed. She said next time I see her in the line up I should tell the manager that she was no good. I wondered if this was her way of saying we shouldn't see each other again.

When the hour was up, she asked me to shower and we showered together. We had some more laughs and then I finished and got dressed. I left thinking about the hugging we talked about. I still had that sense of emptiness inside of me. I wanted to be hugged. I wanted to hug. I thought about Jin.

Strained MCL

On Wednesday I headed to basketball straight after work as it was a 6:30pm game. That gave me enough time to dress up slowly for the game and warm up. I actually played alright, scoring six points all on jump shots.

We played Trigger Happy and they had a couple of guys fill in who weren't normally on their team. One was a guard who Mike told me played one level under the NBL. I relished the chance to guard him. He hit a few tough shots in my face, but I think I held my own in not letting him drive in too much.

It was a close game throughout. One funny thing that happened was in the second half when they were shooting free throws and I was standing in my usual spot waiting. Kelvin yells out at me several times and finally I turn my head to look at him at the scorer's table. He points to the guard who is down the other end of the court and tells me to guard him. I looked back and thought "wait, they're shooting on this end of the court, so I'm right aren't I?" When I was convinced I was right, I ignored him and stayed where I was. I learnt this after the game, but apparently the guard said to Kelvin "I'm not going to shoot it from here bro" - LOL! Mike said Kelvin must've been tired haha.

In the last minute we were down by two and Mike went to the line. He bombed both free throws, and they threw it down court. I was guarding one of their guards already but for whatever reason no one was covering the other guard. So I chased him down and he was already ahead of me for the easy basket. Just as he shot, I jumped up as high as I could to try for the block. I jumped pretty high I thought, but was nowhere close. I felt something inside my right knee 'unlock' and come loose. The ball went in through the hoop, I gathered it and inbounded it to Mike quickly. He thew it up to Kevin who hit a last second three but we still lost by one.

I limped to the bench. I had hurt my knee a bit. I quickly took my knee pad off to see if it was unstable. It wasn't, but there was a bit of pain in the left corner of my knee. I slammed my knee pad and socks down in frustration.

Had I just fucked up my knee again?

Mike, Kevin, Mark and I went for dinner at Pine Inn. On top of what we usually discuss (the game) we also got talking about money a bit. Mike said he gives his mum money and said he hides from her how much he has. I told him I did the same and gave my mum less as I didn't want her to gamble it.

On Thursday at work my knee was still hurting, despite the fact that I had managed to walk to work. I thought about the irony that I may have seriously hurt my knee again in the last minute of a game that didn't count (win or lose, we would still play the same team in the playoffs). Thinking about possible surgery and rehabilitation made me depressed. I didn't think I could go through it again.

I met up Daniel for lunch. When we met, he asked that I walk with him to his car so he could fill up the parking meter. I saw that he was driving a very nice Mercedes. I wondered if he was doing it deliberately to show off.

We went to a cafe near the hospital for lunch, the same place where Mob took us for coffee once. We talked about going to the bar and he gave me some very valuable information, which made me think it would be worth paying for his lunch this time. He didn't seem to like DC or the fact that DC questioned whether my racial origin would affect my success.

He also told me he was planning to change careers to become a politician. I secretly questioned whether he was doing well at the bar if he was changing careers. He said he wanted to make changes on a macro level. I wondered if that was bull shit. But then again, he was driving a pretty nice car.

I did end up paying for the lunch even though he said he'd get it. I really valued his time and honesty, and then I returned to work after parting with him.

After work I went to the casino. But not to gamble. I wanted to scope out the place to see if that asshole of a security guard was working. I tried to act normal and headed to the roulette tables as I usually would. I saw the hot Vietnamese MILF. She seemed to be acquaintances with the two ladies I saw on Monday at lunch, one with fake lashes and who looked semi-attractive.

I missed seeing the regulars. I know, it's weird. I took a walk around the casino and found the ass hole standing at one of the smaller entrances. I stopped to make sure it was him. When I saw him turning around my way I quickly left. I then scoped out another entrance to make sure he wasn't anywhere else.

I returned to the roulette table with the MILF and watched a bit. I loved the way her face looked when she's checking the numbers as she's placing the chips. She looks so innocent and happy. At one stage, I felt she was looking my way and I pretended to look down or away. Then I braved up and looked in her direction. When we made eye contact, I smiled at her and she smiled back.

SHE SMILED BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I then decided it was a good time to leave and left. As I walked off back to the office, I thought about how poor my choices were for women. Maybe apart from Victoria, I think everyone would agree that the rest just weren't suitable for me.

Yesterday I walked to work again. On the way I bumped into Peter, the guy I had studied with a bit for the February bar exams. He hopped off his bike and talked with me about what it was like at the bar. He was happy and had no regrets. I was surprised at how long he talked with me for, because I obviously slowed him down as he was on a bike, but I guess it was semi-business as he wanted to expand his network. After about 20 minutes or so he hopped back onto his bike and continued his journey.

My knee was still hurting, maybe even a bit more than on Thursday. It seemed to hurt most when getting up after sitting down for a long period of time. And I could always predict a crack coming when I sat down.

I had lunch with Ben and Taran. This would be the first time we'd have lunch together since I started here. It's been good that way so far, because avoids any perception of politics. I half joked that I wanted to go to Macca's as I was collecting the Monopoly stickers, and although Ben was up for it, Taran said he wasn't.

We went to the pub for a pub lunch. After sitting down with our food, I told Ben I had passed the bar exams. He congratulated me and seemed genuine about it. So we talked about that for a while. He also revealed he was planning to move to the NT in about March next year. If that happens, that would mean the three of us would be departing at around the same time. Ouch.

Ben seemed like an all around good guy. I got the feeling Taran and I wouldn't get along too well if we spent much more time together. He seems to cut people off (like he does in meetings) and his views don't always seem right.

When we returned to the office, we bumped into Paul and Gabby on their way out, and they had the expected jabs of how we went out without them. I always feel bad about stuff like that, especially since this one was organised by me.

After work I went to buy some baby clothes for Ele's new baby. I then went to the gym. I then went home and drove out to Ele's place as she had asked me to witness something for her husband. I gave them the clothes and stood around talking a bit. When her husband's friends left, I left too, and Ele seemed a bit disappointed. I just didn't want to bother them for too long as her husband's parents were there as well.

I spent the night at home. No gambling. No whoring.

I woke up this morning and walked to the Wick to see my doctor. I made it just on time. Nevertheless, as usual, I still had to wait for everyone before me to be seen. I found myself questioning this appointment system they had.

When I was seen, I told the doctor about what had happened, he asked me to jump up and down a few times in a squatting position, then examined my knee when I laid down. He said I had strained my MCL. He said I didn't tear my ACL and it seemed to have been put in pretty strongly during the surgery. He said if I had torn my MCL my knee would be swelling. Good point. I was relieved. He gave me some medicine to take and I left.

I went to Coles to get some bread and sausages (where I bumped into Gurang and had a bit of a chat), had Macca's for breakfast and then caught the bus home.