Maybe she doesn't work Mondays and Tuesdays?
Man, I'm in too deep. I force myself to obsess over stuff like this to distract myself from other things in life. Last night woke up at 3am thinking about her. Not good. Not good at all.
Today I walked to work as usual, and had the usual struggles of trying to focus on my work. At one stage I even looked her up on facebook on my phone and put her photo in front of me to motivate me to work harder.
Do it for her.
Stupid, I know.
I was pretty crazy for her throughout the day, to the extent of overtly smiling, thinking about how she could be the one.
Throughout the day I was mentally battling back and forth as to whether I should go to the casino after work or not.
Don't go man, you don't want her to see you and think you're a compulsive gambling addict.
But it'd sure be good to win $100...
Why can't you just wait until Thursday to see her? You just saw her on Friday a few days ago.
Maybe I can go, and if she's there I'll leave, or play if she's not? Or just play far away from her if she is?
What if you lose? Then you'll have no money to see her on Thursday.
That reminded me. On Friday when I bought in some chips from her, she paused for a milli-second and gave me a look. I didn't think much of it at the time, but now I suspect she may have been thinking "what the? Thought you came over to talk to me, not to play?"
Anyway, I had decided not to go to the casino. I figured I'd be at the focus group tomorrow, then Wednesday I have chambers interview, so if I don't go today, I should be safe for two more days.
However, as the clock ticked to 5pm, my mind did a forceful change. I told myself I would go scope it out. If she's there, I'll leave. If she's not, I'll play.
Funnily enough, that asshole cunt of a security guard was at the entrance I went to. I felt nervous, but pulled out and opened my wallet as I approached. I asked if he wanted to check my ID and he dismissively said "nah" and the other guard laughed.
I went and scoped out the place with an intense look around. She was nowhere to be seen. Good, I guess?
I bought in $800 worth of chips at a table where there was one girl playing. The dealer looked like a kid with that plastic watch. I lost the first spin betting 1-2, lost the next spin betting 0-3, then won the next one betting 0-3 after realising he was alternating fairly evenly.
I made my way to a $170 gain soon after, and tried the black/third column strategy to try to reach the $200 mark. Surely, it was a safe bet. But I watched as the ball landed on 19...next to fucking 15.
I then bet like 20 something chips on the 1-2 sector, heavily favouring numbers 10 and 13 as they had recently come up. I watched as the ball jostled around a few slots before landing in 13. I quickly looked over and saw I had five splits on 13. That was $850. He asked me how I would like it and I said all cash as I was cashing out. That was all I needed.
So I had made a gain of $700. Pretty good considering I was just trying to aim for $200.
I then decided to walk around the casino, thinking maybe Julie had been sent to work on another game. I didn't see her, but saw a heavily packed baccarat table and decided to check it out. I then realised what all the fuss was about - two young Asian guys had stacked up their bets with $500 and $1000 chips. One guy had about $20-30k I reckon. They were waiting for the casino to bring more money to pay them out in the event of a win. This took a while, but when one of the tough guys arrived with the $5000 chips in a plastic case, the dealer started dealing.
I don't know the first thing about the game, so I watched the guy's reaction as he flipped over his cards.
He won. He jumped up and shouted, throwing his fists in the air, and everyone cheered.
Fucking hell.
I felt nervous for him, and it wasn't even more money. I looked at the chips I had in my hand and realised they were now covered in my sweat.
I somehow pictured Julie being the dealer, and seeing all that money. Would she think any less of me? It led me to some further theoretical questions, like how much is a man assessed based on how much money he can make? Would she be lured by money?
I remember reading on the whirlpool forum where some guy who used to be a casino dealer said in that environment, people lose respect for money.
Respect for money.
I couldn't put it any better. That's the whole aim of the casino I guess, to make you trivialise money, so that it is easier to lose.
I heard some guys behind me talk to another dealer about the win, saying something like "yeah but you know, when you win that much, you'll get used to it". I agree. I think you become desensitised to the bigger winnings, and you'll chase harder for a bigger win. Lord knows I did that. In the first month of keeping a record of my winnings and losses, after seeing how I was up $6000 for the month, going to the casino to win $100 was pointless. But what I had forgotten was, it was better to win $100 than lose $2000.
The same guy also relayed a story, telling the dealer that his friend had won $120,000 one night, but then came back to lose $1.2 million. The supervisor listening said you needed to "hit and run", meaning, don't come back after you win.
I was so excited, I felt like I had to tell someone. I walked back over to the roulette tables to look for an empty table with a dealer I knew (not many). I couldn't see any. I found one empty table and walked up to the dealer and told him what I saw. He seemed like an experienced dealer, saying the casino wasn't worried, because they know the guy will be back, and he will lose. He said this wasn't a charity, it was a business, and that they weren't concerned at all.
I went back to the baccarat table and the big winner had now gone, but the table was still crowded. I went to the roulette area again and spoke to the fat lady. I had a 10 minute conversation with her, after telling her what I saw, about money and the casino. She said when she first dealt those amounts, she was surprised because you could buy a car or place a house deposit with it, but she said now it doesn't faze her.
We talked about not chasing losses, how she felt as a dealer when players bet large amounts, and how some people hate the dealer when losing. She called it a love/hate relationship, you like them one minute when you win, and hate them the next when you lose.
I left when people started playing at her table and returned to the office to change, before going to the gym.
Today I walked to work as usual, and had the usual struggles of trying to focus on my work. At one stage I even looked her up on facebook on my phone and put her photo in front of me to motivate me to work harder.
Do it for her.
Stupid, I know.
I was pretty crazy for her throughout the day, to the extent of overtly smiling, thinking about how she could be the one.
Throughout the day I was mentally battling back and forth as to whether I should go to the casino after work or not.
Don't go man, you don't want her to see you and think you're a compulsive gambling addict.
But it'd sure be good to win $100...
Why can't you just wait until Thursday to see her? You just saw her on Friday a few days ago.
Maybe I can go, and if she's there I'll leave, or play if she's not? Or just play far away from her if she is?
What if you lose? Then you'll have no money to see her on Thursday.
That reminded me. On Friday when I bought in some chips from her, she paused for a milli-second and gave me a look. I didn't think much of it at the time, but now I suspect she may have been thinking "what the? Thought you came over to talk to me, not to play?"
Anyway, I had decided not to go to the casino. I figured I'd be at the focus group tomorrow, then Wednesday I have chambers interview, so if I don't go today, I should be safe for two more days.
However, as the clock ticked to 5pm, my mind did a forceful change. I told myself I would go scope it out. If she's there, I'll leave. If she's not, I'll play.
Funnily enough, that asshole cunt of a security guard was at the entrance I went to. I felt nervous, but pulled out and opened my wallet as I approached. I asked if he wanted to check my ID and he dismissively said "nah" and the other guard laughed.
I went and scoped out the place with an intense look around. She was nowhere to be seen. Good, I guess?
I bought in $800 worth of chips at a table where there was one girl playing. The dealer looked like a kid with that plastic watch. I lost the first spin betting 1-2, lost the next spin betting 0-3, then won the next one betting 0-3 after realising he was alternating fairly evenly.
I made my way to a $170 gain soon after, and tried the black/third column strategy to try to reach the $200 mark. Surely, it was a safe bet. But I watched as the ball landed on 19...next to fucking 15.
I then bet like 20 something chips on the 1-2 sector, heavily favouring numbers 10 and 13 as they had recently come up. I watched as the ball jostled around a few slots before landing in 13. I quickly looked over and saw I had five splits on 13. That was $850. He asked me how I would like it and I said all cash as I was cashing out. That was all I needed.
So I had made a gain of $700. Pretty good considering I was just trying to aim for $200.
I then decided to walk around the casino, thinking maybe Julie had been sent to work on another game. I didn't see her, but saw a heavily packed baccarat table and decided to check it out. I then realised what all the fuss was about - two young Asian guys had stacked up their bets with $500 and $1000 chips. One guy had about $20-30k I reckon. They were waiting for the casino to bring more money to pay them out in the event of a win. This took a while, but when one of the tough guys arrived with the $5000 chips in a plastic case, the dealer started dealing.
I don't know the first thing about the game, so I watched the guy's reaction as he flipped over his cards.
He won. He jumped up and shouted, throwing his fists in the air, and everyone cheered.
Fucking hell.
I felt nervous for him, and it wasn't even more money. I looked at the chips I had in my hand and realised they were now covered in my sweat.
I somehow pictured Julie being the dealer, and seeing all that money. Would she think any less of me? It led me to some further theoretical questions, like how much is a man assessed based on how much money he can make? Would she be lured by money?
I remember reading on the whirlpool forum where some guy who used to be a casino dealer said in that environment, people lose respect for money.
Respect for money.
I couldn't put it any better. That's the whole aim of the casino I guess, to make you trivialise money, so that it is easier to lose.
I heard some guys behind me talk to another dealer about the win, saying something like "yeah but you know, when you win that much, you'll get used to it". I agree. I think you become desensitised to the bigger winnings, and you'll chase harder for a bigger win. Lord knows I did that. In the first month of keeping a record of my winnings and losses, after seeing how I was up $6000 for the month, going to the casino to win $100 was pointless. But what I had forgotten was, it was better to win $100 than lose $2000.
The same guy also relayed a story, telling the dealer that his friend had won $120,000 one night, but then came back to lose $1.2 million. The supervisor listening said you needed to "hit and run", meaning, don't come back after you win.
I was so excited, I felt like I had to tell someone. I walked back over to the roulette tables to look for an empty table with a dealer I knew (not many). I couldn't see any. I found one empty table and walked up to the dealer and told him what I saw. He seemed like an experienced dealer, saying the casino wasn't worried, because they know the guy will be back, and he will lose. He said this wasn't a charity, it was a business, and that they weren't concerned at all.
I went back to the baccarat table and the big winner had now gone, but the table was still crowded. I went to the roulette area again and spoke to the fat lady. I had a 10 minute conversation with her, after telling her what I saw, about money and the casino. She said when she first dealt those amounts, she was surprised because you could buy a car or place a house deposit with it, but she said now it doesn't faze her.
We talked about not chasing losses, how she felt as a dealer when players bet large amounts, and how some people hate the dealer when losing. She called it a love/hate relationship, you like them one minute when you win, and hate them the next when you lose.
I left when people started playing at her table and returned to the office to change, before going to the gym.
posted by toey | 20:37
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