Not end Erica :)

So turns out her phone really had problems. She messaged back on Wednesday saying "phone failure". I was a bit sceptical at first, but her Korean status update (which I had One translate) said her phone was broken.

What's more, I was gonna show her a photo I took with an Angry Bird plush toy, and said "photo me you" and she sent me her photo! I must say, this shows some trust in me from her. Also, honestly, if I had met her outside of a shop, I am not sure I would be attracted to her. Which leads to the question - am I just becoming attracted to working girls only?

Anyway, haven't messaged her since Wednesday, so might message her later.

Yesterday I caught the train out to bball training, which was good. I planned to work on my D and chase down fast breaks, but as the games went on, I got a little competitive and started wanting to win instead. I jarred my right ring finger, which really hurts. I am starting to think maybe it is even broken.

On the bus back, I grabbed onto something as I sat down, and the bus jolted at that moment, straining my left wrist which has been hurting for about a month now. I think it is a strained ligament. Anyway, I heard a crack, and it was painful at first, but it started feeling a bit better. Weird.

This morning I went to the courts, where I worked on sliding up and down the court and taking the ball up and down the court. I barely shot the basketball.

After that, it seemed like I had so much time until my 5pm game, which meant in the back of my mind I had decided to go to the casino. Besides, I needed to test my new credit card. Or so I told myself.

I caught a bus out to the city and went to a HSBC ATM. I withdrew $1000. It worked. Voila.

I went to the casino, and pretty much found a suitable table immediately - meaning only one or two players with the middle seat position vacant.

The dealer was a young Asian guy. I questioned my choice as I wondered if Asians tend to envy other Asians and hence might wish for them to lose. I thought he looked like a good guy though. I noticed he was married, which I thought was a bit young.

I lost $200 on the first spin. I won the next spin, but started losing on a bad streak of non-sectors. I had to use my second batch of reserve $500, which I cannot remember the last time doing this. It is not a good sign.

There was a dealer change, and this older Asian male took over. I thought he had funny hair, which may have made him gay.

Anyway, on one bet I made my money back and was up $100 and kept playing since I had about an hour left. I was patient and timed it well, placing lots of chips on 7, 28 and 29.

It hit on...29. I had three straight ups and two splits - 139 chips. I was now up $600.

I took my chips off the table and it landed on 29 again. That was a triple! Damn. Oh well, can't complain about $600.

I played one more spin and lost $100. The table was now jam packed, with old ladies reaching all over me to place their chips, so I decided it was time to leave.

I cashed out $1500 and went to the cashier. I can't complain about a $500 gain. That at least pays my taxes, my minimum credit card repayment, transaction costs, with some to spare. I thought about playing again but thought the better of it.

I left, being on the lookout for a donut. I had a craving for a passionfruit donut. I couldn't find one.

I realised that over the last week or so, I have been giving into temptations rather easily. I think the last gambling session really set it off. On Friday I had KFC with Genie at lunch, and on Saturday after training I had KFC again.

In terms of gambling, I am feeling like it's ok to do it, like I can handle it as being part of my life, even though today when I was down $600, I thought "oh fuck, I'm not going to gamble again if I lose this $1,000". I am staring to appreciate and relish these temptations, these addictions. It is a dangerous thing.

End Erica I guess...

After gym, I decided to call her to find out. I knew if I got a bad result, it'd affect me at work (I probably wouldn't take on Steve's matter for Friday) and at basketball. But I figured better earlier than later, even though I knew false hope could give me something to aim for (in terms of stop gambling, saving money, gym).

So at 7pm (5pm Korean time) I called as I walked from Bond Street gym. The phone rang.

Well, the phone works.

It kept ringing and ringing, until it went to an automated message. I hung up.

Guess I was right, she doesn't want to speak to me, and it must've been something I said during the last call - but what?

Although in theory she could be busy, working, whatever, and has 24 hours to call me back, I am seriously doubtful.

Move on I guess...

A very logical explanation...

I lost to temptation and went to the casino after work today. It only dawned on me at around midday that I had my credit card in my wallet. I thought I'd go for a win of $200-300 and leave for the gym.

On my way there it started raining, which got my grey suit wet, which annoyed me. I thought if I lost then I'd be really pissed.

I sat on a table with one guy playing, and the dealer was a chubby Asian lady. I timed my bets and won on basically all my bets (lucky). I was up $300 and then left the table when the dealer changed. I went to another table where I won another $100, but not before going down a bit. It made me sick to think I'd lose back all that I'd won.

I left that table but wanted to exchange my $50 notes for $100 notes, and cashed in at another table. But temptation got the better of me again and instead of asking for $100 chips, I got all colour. I played a bit, went down, and then was up $30 before leaving. I could tell the dealer was annoyed, but I didn't like his vibe and his spins. Better to cop some dirty looks and walk away with $30 than please them and lose all my fucking money.

So, total gain was $430.

As I walked back to the office, a very reasonable possibility hit me - maybe Erica had dropped her phone in the water. Maybe she dropped it off a building. Maybe she broke it. Whatever. But that was perfectly acceptable as to why she hasn't received my messages and updated her status!

I've decided I'll try giving her a call on the weekend. If she really did block me, then I'll get dumped over the phone, but at least I'll know. On the positive, she might see it as me making effort, which is a good thing. Also decided I'll stop playing this game of pretending I'm seeing other girls. I've concluded she keeps saying "you have many girls" because she wants me to say she is my only one.

A new possibility...

My scumbag brain came up with this possibility - Erica has blocked me on Kakaotalk.

I've googled this a bit, and apparently if she has blocked me, there really is no way of finding out unless I make it a group conversation, but that's really not feasible. Worse, she doesn't even get my messages.

I wonder if it had to do with me saying (joking) that I would go to Korea. She said "you joking man". But if she was talking serious, then was the wedding talk serious too???

Gambled

Having abstained from gambling for 53 days since 29 August 2012, I 'fell' back into it today. Not even sure if that is the term I want to use. I definitely don't want to call it a 'relapse' - somehow relapse to me implies a loss. I came out $300 on top.

I usually turn the internet connection on my mobile off unless I am using it. I guess I just don't want to be charged for whatever downloads occur without my control, and also don't want to be downloading things I don't ask for. But last night I left it on - waiting for that message tone that would indicate to me that Erica had replied to my message.

Throughout the night I woke up several times to check it. Nothing. When I woke up today there was still nothing. I wondered if I was right, in that she had lost interest. But Kakaotalk shows she hasn't even read the message, so unless she's figured out a way (and I haven't) to read the messages without triggering the read thing, then I can only assume she hasn't read my message.

Is she in hospital?

Did she need to have surgery?

Has someone taken her phone off her?

If she didn't like me, why tell me about Brisbane? Surely you could just tell me whenever you were returning to Sydney.

That was enough to set me off in a down mood. I wasn't depressed as such, just down. I found myself using, what in hindsight were excuses, but at the time seemed like good reasons to go to the casino:

- Erica not replying to my message
- Richard being pissed at me (because he never responded to my text) for driving all the way out to training only to find out the time had been changed and he wasn't notified
- questioning my captaincy status of the team, given the ongoing conflict with Bo, and possibly now Richard

One thing I realised was that, once I had pretty much made up my mind about going to the casino, it seemed like that was the only thing my brain could focus on. I thought I had nothing to do for the day apart from going to the casino, even though I had to do my dad's tax return and also to shave my head.

Well I did those in the morning. I could've gone to the courts as originally planned, but my legs are sore from yesterday. I could've gone into the office to work and apply for a job, but...eh.

I told myself that if on my way to the casino Erica replies, then I'd turn around and occupy myself with something else. Anything. It was funny I applied this logic, because it was what Bo did to me recently - if you don't pick up the phone then I'm off the team. Even though those two things are logically separate and discrete, it was used almost in a blackmailing manner as a trigger.

I caught the bus out and before arriving at the ATM, I checked my phone - no message.

I withdrew $1,000 and headed to the casino. Just before approaching, I checked my phone again - no message. So casino it was.

I went in and found a table with one tall Caucasian guy playing. He sounded young, but when I took a good look at his face, he looked a lot older, maybe early 40's. He was very talkative, despite seemingly having lost quite a bit of money earlier. He was betting fairly big, placing large piles of chips on, he says, 20 numbers.

I adopted my usual strategy of sectors every now and then, and was content to sit out spins because there were other people playing. I was up about $200, then down $100, then up $300. I found it funny that the guy would say "yeah, not sure about this spin" (coming up), because it implies somewhat that he was sure about the previous one. I mean, OF COURSE you're never going to be sure about the upcoming spin. If you were the casino would go broke.

Later on an Asian man who bought in like $4000 worth started playing, and that was my cue to get out. He actually used so much money the chips had been converted from $5 to $10. I didn't even know you could do that.

I cashed out, went to the cashier and when I returned the Asian man was gone. Think he lost all his money. He was now playing on the table opposite, and I took a look and he had placed a hell of a lot of money on the table, only to have the ball land on a number that he didn't have money on. Shit.

I went to a quiet place to sit down and played Ani Pang, then somehow reasoned that because I had $500 worth in $50 notes, I needed to convert them into $100 notes and the best way to do that was to play again and try to win $200. I already was up $300 which would cover the car registration fee which I paid on Thursday, but now I could make even more to cover what I bought on Friday night (Swarovski cufflinks and two ties).

I went to a table where only one man was playing. I realised the dealer was somewhat attractive. I wasn't sure before because I didn't have my glasses on. I bought$500 worth of chips and lost it all within a few spins.

Hmmm.

Now I was down $200.

I went to another table with a short Asian, stubby woman as a dealer. I started playing and was down at first. This old man barged in between me and this old lady, and I waited for him to lose all his money so I could get my spot back. It didn't take long until I watched him lose all his purple chips, even after he bought some more. I, on the other hand, had placed a $200 bet, and it landed on 4, where I had five straight ups and three splits.

I was now back to my original gain of $300. No one else on the table was playing so I left. I figured being up $300 was better than being down $1,000, which was a very real possibility given the earlier loss.

I left and walked to KFC where I ate. I wasn't really that hungry, but kinda just wanted to be out by myself for a bit longer before going home. At home, no one was here but there was food leftover. If I knew I wouldn't have had the KFC.

Oh Erica...where are you?

End Erica?

After some days of non-contact and managing to keep myself busy, I finally messaged Erica. She said she broke her hand, and then I called her. She said it was a long story, but last night had something to do with boxes. She also said she was going to Brisbane first before coming to Sydney. I said it was a long time, and she said I had many girls.

We had some difficulty understanding each other, especially when she said Brisbane and I thought she said Christmas, so she suggested we talk on Kakaotalk instead. I agreed, but had to head off to dinner with Shuing and G, so didn't message her until a few minutes ago.

Putting together the lack of contact, her telling me she was going to Brisbane, her telling me I had many girls, and her wanting to chat on Kakao instead of voice (I kinda like hearing her voice, even if we don't understand each other), I wondered if it was the beginning of her feeling disconnect from me. Maybe whatever we had wasn't strong enough to last a few weeks apart. Maybe it was her gentle way of saying this should be over.

I always had a feeling in the back of my mind that we'd never go out to get that steak together.

The day after...

Day after losing in the Finals, I went to the gym in the Wick in the morning and did my usual work out, then headed out to the courts for a workout. I texted Mike and said I'd be there at 11am, to see if he'd come, but didn't get a response until I got there, saying he had invited guys over to play video games.

I was told there'd be a school coming at 12, but I figured one hour was good enough. So I worked on sliding my feet up and down the court, running up and down with the ball, interspersed by free throws. It was quite a workout and got me sweating quite a bit, despite the rather cool weather (it was actually raining heavily at times).

I stayed until about 1pm. At the end I was just playing with my phone, trying to get Kakaotalk to work so I could text Erica.

I drove to Parra where I went to the food court for lunch. I had a seafood basket and then checked out some stores, before driving to another store to check out some shirts which were claimed to be half price. I instantly realised why the store was empty - there was no discount at all. The prices were the same as the ones in Myer. I couldn't leave quick enough.

I drove all the way back to the seaside, where I laid down on the rocks for a bit, before going into the back of my car to rest. The view of sunset was beautiful, looking out from the backseat. I think I may have fallen asleep for a bit.

When I went to sleep that night, I had finally figured out how to add Erica on Kakaotalk (got to add the international dial out number 0011, duh). I sent her a message and then went to sleep.

The next day, I saw she sent some replies. So wow, connection established.

Despite having the best of intentions, I found myself doing rather nothing throughout the whole day. I met up with Ele for lunch, and we talked about The One Percent video I had sent her, and told her about G losing his pizza delivery job (SMH).

Towards the end of the day, when Mary, Clare and Nunjo had left, Ogre was at the public computer, and said to me "so when are you going to talk to Nunjo again?" and I said "don't know what you're talking about" and walked off. Interesting the way it was phrased...not "when are you two going to talk again", so Nunjo must've said I was the one not talking. Don't care really, but I guess the cat's out of the bag.

After work I went with Genie to check out the night noodle markets. We invited Maria and Ogre, but they didn't want to come. Haven't quite figured out Maria yet, not sure whether I should pursue her or not.

I was actually a bit uncomfortable, because I didn't want her, or anyone, or anything, to think there was something more to our friendship. We shared some food and talked for a bit, I got the feeling she didn't want to talk about work that much. We walked to the main street and then parted.

I wanted to check out the bookstore, and on the way bumped into MJ and Bert. The bookstore was closed, and then I decided to check out the casino. Don't worry, I didn't have my credit card with me. But on the way there, I decided all I really wanted was a warm place to sit so I could text Erica on my phone. So I went into Darling Harbour instead, and sat in the food court.

To my surprise, she was texting back instantly. So I sat there for a while as we texted back and forth. I didn't want to do it for too long and have the thing become a bore, so I said I was running low on battery and I had to go.

I went to the gym afterwards.

Today
The texting with Erica continued, as she initiated it. I really had no intentions to communicate with her for at least a week. I was getting ready to leave for bball and just before I left, I saw that she had tried to call me. She is a bit crazy. I texted back saying I was going to bball.

I went into the office to pick up my shirts for cleaning and then headed out for bball. Richard was supposed to show us some drills, but he said he had a big night and didn't come. So we just played full court games instead. I didn't really plan on running or playing full speed, so I didn't wear my long socks. I just wanted to come for drills. So I was wary of when my legs might cramp up and sat out when I felt it. Luckily it didn't.

A was a surprise visitor today, and even more of a surprise was how much he liked it. I tried to work on a pick and roll with Jim, and also getting him to take the ball up. Didn't work on anything with Mike as he was on the other team.

Afterwards I went to Parra with Jim to eat. There was minimal talk about Bo. Having slept on it, I didn't want to blow this thing up (again) and didn't want to bag him out too much.

I drove him back to his car which was near the courts, and when I dropped him off, I drove back to the car park area and called Erica. We talked for longer than last time, but still not too sure how much she understands. She was laughing a lot. One thing that got my alarms ringing was, I asked her to send photos of her sister's wedding, and she said "wedding? me, you" and earlier there was talk of money. I said I only had $5, and she was like "no, $50". Now she said she wanted $5000 for wedding. Not sure if she's half serious or not...but then again, I did say I was going to Korea tomorrow to see her.

I think she snuck in a "I miss you" somewhere in there.

She also said she was now coming back in a month's time, rather than two months. This obviously dents my planned savings, but I think I can handle it.

It's been a few hours since, and I haven't gotten any messages from her. It's weird but...that seems weird, lol.

Shoyo Finals

On Wednesday it was the Finals. I left work at just after 5pm, went home, changed and headed out to the courts. I intended to get there an hour early, which I pretty much did.

I had texted Bo asking if he wanted a lift, and I didn't get a reply. To be honest, I didn't really want to give him a lift, I preferred to be by myself and listen to my music, but I thought I'd offer.

When I got there, I saw the guys sitting in the middle area between courts 1 and 2. I said to Bo he ignored my message, and he was like "did I?" pretending he didn't get it. Then he was like, "I sent you a reply didn't I?" and I asked him to check, which he did, and he started texting a reply then, which wasn't funny. I half joked "never giving you a lift again".

I told him about how we're paying an extra $10 tonight for the team nomination fee, and he said he didn't see the message I posted on fb, which I found hard to believe, given he's always checking it on his phone. He said to me he seemed to always be on the sharp end of things, and I wondered why - maybe if he made an effort not to be then he wouldn't.

Our game was on Court 2, and everyone was there except Nick and Abi. Maybe it was because it was my second Finals appearance, or because the other team was that much better and we were just expected to lose, but I didn't feel that extra nervousness that I did in my first Finals.

We started off ok, keeping ourselves in the game. Despite having played earlier for another team (as did Mike), I didn't feel tired. I felt it was a good warm up.

The other team didn't seem to take things too seriously at first, which I found a tad offensive, but I think when they realised we weren't going to be blown away then they actually started trying.

We had a lead of a few points at one stage, but in the second half, we isolated Carter, he rose up for a shot, swish, and landed on the defender's ankle. He was screaming in pain, and he's not a guy that's vocal about injuries. I felt guilty all of a sudden for having him play for us. He was definitely out of the game.

From thereon, despite our best efforts, the other team pulled away for an easy victory. I think the score was like 50-38 or something.

There was a presentation where we were presented with the second place trophies and me, being the captain, had to make a short speech congratulating the other team. Funny thing was, I had to introduce Gus and Carter as Foz and Alex respectively, given they weren't registered, lol.

We took some photos, and went outside to talk. Unfortunately not many of us were up for eating, only Jim, Bo and I. But Bo decided to play drama queen and said he'd walk to Macca's. I told Jim I'd pick him up but when we both drove out we couldn't see him. I drove back to look for him and couldn't find him.

When I got to Macca's, Jim called and Bo said he was on the train, because of what I'd said earlier about never giving him a lift again. I called him and said he owed me money which I needed for food, and he said he'd transfer it to me (which he still hasn't). I was pissed because he was chucking up a stink for no good reason.

He texted me while we were eating, saying something about me not being his girlfriend. Jim said to ignore it, but I texted back like "let's move on, see you Sunday".

Jim said he liked that latter part of my message. I was so pissed that he was being a drama queen. Why do this after such a celebratory event? I knew this was gonna happen when Nick went, because Nick is the buffer between us.

Everything went better than expected!

I found myself waking up at 1am last night. This was obviously bothering me. I ended up calling Erica from my home phone, and it rang and rang until someone just rejected the call.

Hmmm.

I couldn't sleep and bummed around on the net before finally going to bed, resigned to the fact that this was another Naby situation.

At about 3am, I heard my phone message tone. At first I had hoped it was from Erica, but then realised it probably wasn't. I checked my phone, it was a message from a new number.

3:31am - Erica my pone nomber
3:31am - Erica my pone nomber
3:31am - Erica my pone nomber

Whoa...it was her. From another number. At 3:30am. She must've gotten my message? Did she know the two unknown calls were from me?

I thought about answering it, but didn't want her to know I was awake at this hour (hence leading to the further inference that I was awake at 1am).

Then I got more messages.

3:37am - I will see u again when i come back

What did she mean by that? Is she off to Korea NOW?!?

Nevertheless, I still couldn't reply.

3:37am - I will miss you

Awwww. In that instant, it suddenly made everything right. I had been too quick to judge, too quick to come to a conclusion. I fell asleep, feeling good.

When I got up, there was another message.

7:01am - Today i wil go back to korea. . .

Oh. So she is going back today.

I now knew at least that she hadn't ditched me. That she hadn't screwed me around. That maybe things were out of her control.

I felt happy again. Before, I seriously didn't know how I was going to play in the Finals tomorrow night with this attitude. But now I felt on top of the world, ready to take anything on. Funny how my mood can just change like that.

Me @ 7:41am - I will miss you too :(

Me @ 7:42am - Why do you go back today?

By now I had left home and started walking to work.

Erica @ 7:49am - TT

Not really sure what that meant. It seemed Korean. Or maybe it was just a pair of eyes.

Me @ 7:51am - I will wait for you, we will have steak when you come back :)

This had suddenly turned into something like the Titanic, or Romeo and Juliet, where I felt like we were being forced apart.

Erica @ 7:54am - Steak. . ok. com back . you waiting

Me @ 7:55am - Send me message when you come back ok?

By now I had put my phone in my bag.

I pulled it back out later, and to my surprise...

Erica @ 8:00am - Ok

Erica @ 8:02am - 'Missed call'

She...called? Did she want to speak to me, or did she just press the wrong button? Damn me for putting my phone in my bag. If I hadn't of, I would know whether she wanted to speak to me or if it was an accident.

How would talking go? We have enough trouble communicating when we're together...and on the phone?

Erica @ 8:07am - Me korea   pon ok?

Not really sure what that means.

Me @ 8:08am - Want me to call you?

Erica @ 8:09 - Yes

I sucked in my breath and called. It rang. And rang. And rang. I hung up.

Then she called back.

I called her Angry Bird. There was a slight pause before I heard her voice. All of a sudden it sounded familiar. I asked her where she was, and made out that she was at the airport. I could hear a PA in the background, so she probably was.

I didn't want to ask her why she had to leave now, because obviously it seemed like she didn't want to answer that.

I told her two months was too long. She asked me where I was, I said I was walking to work. She said she would give me her Korean number. I asked if she wanted me to call and she said yes, and started giving it to me before I said I didn't have a pen and asked her to message it to me. She said ok and said bye.

Erica @ 8:14am - [she sent her number] ok?

Me @ 8:15am - Very ok :)

Me @ 8:15am - Have a safe trip!

I put my phone back in my bag. When I got to the office, I saw more messages.

Erica @ 8:24am - You konw kakao talk ??

Erica @ 8:28am - Thank you.

Me @ 8:43am - No kakao talk...but I will look for it :p

And that was it :)

Despite feeling like shit because of the lack of sleep, I was A-OK and...

But then!

But then I just called her and the phone rang!!!

Erica back to Korea??

Starting from perhaps Saturday, I was feeling like it's been too long since I saw Erica. Guess I was starting to miss her. Guess around two weeks is when you start to miss someone...or about the maximum amount of time you could go between seeing them whilst building a relationship at the same time.

So today, naturally I was looking forward to seeing her. Throughout the day I would occasionally think about her, and was rather surprised by how quickly time went by. Plan was to go see her at around 7pm for an hour, then head off to gym. I would bring the Angry Bird plush toy in for her. I wouldn't have sex, but just wanted to talk. Work has been somewhat stressful, so I just wanted to lie down and talk to her.

I keep thinking about her face when she made the Angry Bird face, lol.

I called at about 6pm, a guy with rather good English picked up the phone. I asked if Erica was working tonight, and he said no, that she had gone to Korea for a holiday for two months. I was...stunned. Shocked. Flabbergasted.

I hung up, not knowing what to do.  Remember when you used to see Naby on a regular basis and then every now and then you'd find out she wasn't working, and you'd think the world was coming to an end? Well, this felt like that. It was just so...unexpected.

I wondered what I should do. I thought about going to the casino, but didn't see any point in blowing my cash just because of this. I started telling myself to think logically.

Maybe the guy was wrong? 

Maybe he misheard me and thought I said another name?

Why would she give me her number voluntarily just to mislead me?

Maybe it was out of her control as to when she left for Korea?

I decided that she must still be in the country, but she had stopped work from now until she leaves. So I messaged her "Hey Angry Bird how are you?"

I waited for a reply. I went to the bathroom and came back. Nothing. I decided to read the rest of my brief, with the volume on my phone on, just in case I couldn't hear it vibrate.

I finished reading the brief. I sent an email.

Still nothing.

I decided to give her an hour at least to respond. Maybe she was with a customer? Maybe she wasn't allowed to bring her phone with her to work?

At about 7pm, I left the office and walked to the casino, occasionally checking my phone. Despite having my credit card with me, I didn't gamble. Instead, I watched this huge player on a $10 table. In addition to the stack of colour chips, he was throwing $100 chips all over. I mean, all over. I watched as he won the maximum $7000 twice. I told myself to watch until he loses it all, which could take a while given he was betting on every number. But logic told me that the odds were against him in the long run and he'd eventually bleed to death. Other people had started watching.

Suddenly his winnings weren't as big. He didn't hit on the maximum bets anymore, yet his returns still seemed significant, but I knew otherwise. Then it landed on a number where he only had a small stack of colour chips. He now didn't have enough to bet on every number. The next spin, it landed on 8...he had no chips on that.

So in a span of about 15 minutes, he lost $14,000. The look on the faces of observers was disgust. I walked away, not really wanting to see the rest as he pulled more cash out of his pocket.

I went to a quiet area of the casino and called the shop again. I had checked the roster and it was updated today, and Erica was working this week. I decided that the guy must've misheard me.

I called, and I was put on hold, then it hung up. I called again, and asked, trying a deeper voice to mask my earlier call. But although he seemed to be a different guy, he sounded like he knew I called earlier, as he hesitated before telling me (again) that she had gone to Korea for two months. The other thing was, when I called this time, the first thing he said before I said anything was apologise for hanging up earlier...I wonder if they have number recognition?

I hung up, still distraught. I walked out of the casino. I decided to try the last resort...calling her.

I went to a payphone and put in 60 cents. I had my mobile out as I needed to dial her number. To the keen observer, this was weird - why use a payphone when you have a mobile?

Anyway, it went to an automated message straight away. Hmmm.

I started the walk back to the office, wondering.

Why the hell would she deliberately mislead me? 

Or had I done something and now she told the shop she doesn't want to see me?

The roster seems pretty detailed, setting out her off days as well. Unless it's just some automatic roll over thing.

Looks like from the old roster she worked yesterday or Saturday...why would she leave Korea so quickly?

I decided that I'd wait two months for her. At least this way, I'd save some money.

I started to recall our last meeting. Perhaps there was some miscommunication as to dates? But no, it can't be. She was very specific and I had my calendar out. I last saw her on 24/9. She said she wouldn't be working on the week starting 1/10 because of her "woman problems". So I figured I'd see her on 8/10 (today). She initially suggested dinner on 18/10 and then changed it to 19/10, and told me she was leaving on 22/10.

If she knew she was going to leave way before this, why would she change it from 18 to 19? She wouldn't care!

Hmmm...I don't know.

Shoyo semi-finals / House of lies

Wednesday
DS came into my room and basically told me a minute I had done was too long. My 'excuse' is that it was originally for Imad, who doesn't know the history of it, but when I gave it to Mary, she said she thought DS should have a look at it, and I was like "whatever". I think this was the first criticism ever from DS.

At the end of the day, I could hear Moira, Mary and Nunjo talking loudly outside Nunjo's room. They must've been talking for a while, because I'm so used to it now that I don't notice until it becomes very long. Anyway, I was walking towards the change room to change when I saw DS approach his door from his room and then slam it shut. I assume it was due to all the noise. I was just glad that he saw me as being not part of the group.

In basketball, we played the Vipers. Although I dressed in uniform, I didn't play. We had enough players anyway, despite also missing Jim. And I don't know how they beat Don't Lie, but we pretty much cruised past them. Although there was a moment late in the game when they went on a 6-0 run. I wondered if I was going to blow the semi's as a coach. I could almost see the headline now. Alex Y came to tell me I called a good time out, as if he was conceding leadership to me. I told the guys the other team was going to make a run now and they needed to focus to withstand it.

I must say, after the victory, it kinda seemed hollow to me, because I didn't play. We went to eat at Dooley's afterwards and I almost felt like I wasn't part of the group. Nick, Bo, Jim, One and his wife had some good laughs.

Thursday
Ihad lunch with Genie and Maria. Maria, to my surprise, messaged me asking if Genie and I wanted to go for lunch. I excitedly went to Genie asking her, almost pleading like a little boy because she was reluctant due to her workload, but in the end she said yes. I (perhaps stupidly) suggested Macca's, so we went. I got the feeling that Maria prefers a sandwich in the park for lunch.

We bitched about my level. I asked Genie if she had heard what Mary and Ogre said in the kitchen that morning, and she said no. Mary had started bitching about DS telling Moira and I off in our minutes, and she actually used the F word, which was the first time I'd ever heard her swear.

I had forgotten that DS had a day off, and feared him walking by, so I was quick to escape.

I am not sure if Maria is interested in me or not. She mentioned Lewis a few times during lunch, saying how he could play the piano (because she can too). I feel I have lost a bit of interest, maybe it's because of Erica. I have been thinking about Erica a bit lately.

After lunch we went for a walk to check out the opening of Top Shop.

After work I went looking for an Angry Bird plush toy. I passed the cafe on the corner which apparently hosts a lot of criminals. I saw this one Asian guy there with a dodgy looking bag which I imagined to be full of cash. It made me think: was I a "good man?" What makes a good man? Does seeing Erica make me a bad person?

I went for a walk to Myer and DJ's, and ended up being surprised that I didn't buy anything. After that I went to the gym.

Friday
I had to sit in court for Moira in the afternoon, and I found that I absolutely loved it! I have been court-less these past few weeks (practically), and so I found myself coming back to the office with a smile on my face. That smile disappeared rather quickly when I bumped into Nunjo in the corridor.

After work I went for a walk through Chinatown to see what it was like, in case I thought of bringing Erica here. It was lively, but I wondered how sensitive she was to being seen within a large crowd. Hmm...maybe not a good idea.

I went to the gym and then returned to the food stalls in Chinatown to get some food for my mother and sister.

Today
I am in the middle of a fight with my mom because she wants me to drive to help her move things from one garage to another. Stuff which she is hiding from dad. I helped yesterday only because she caught me leaving home, but I have made up my mind not to help anymore.

I went to watch Taken 2 yesterday, which was predictably the same as Taken. I find it almost incredible that they can just go to any country and kill anyone and destroy property without any consequences. I mean, throwing a fucking grenade into the car park???

Anyway, I went for a drive to the sea side after that. I realised that sometimes when I go to the movies by myself, I am not so much after the movie, but rather just wanting some time alone.

I realised that I am living in a House of Lies. My mother is hiding things from my dad. She didn't tell anyone about having rented a garage until now - when she needs help moving it from one garage to another.

My dad has asked me to buy shares for him without my mom knowing. And I sold those shares without him knowing to cover my gambling debts.

Pretty fucked up right?

It's not any consolation, but I am almost done with paying him back now, after having purchased the remaining outstanding TAH shares last week. Now I just need to buy 40 MQG shares but I am waiting for the price to come down.

What angers me most about mom, I suppose, is that she thinks nothing of paying $15 per week for a garage, when she can't even earn $15 per week. I told her that, and she said she had money from the government. I told her that wasn't money earned.

At least my dad's hiding is done with some financial sense, for the better of the family.

Maybe I side with my dad because of my understanding of money. But then I ask myself, has dad ever hit mom? Has he ever verbally abused her? No. It was all her. And then I'm reminded of whose side I am on.

Public holiday BBQ

On Saturday I woke up, then slept again, and woke up in the afternoon and went to work. I finished off my Indian restaurant minute and got started on my comm report.

On Sunday I went into work in the morning to work on my comm report and then left at 1pm. At home I was planning to watch the NRL Finals but got the time wrong and fell asleep. When I woke up it was pretty much over. I watched Taken, and boy, did it make me think about the whole punting scene. I mean, am I gonna go out with a girl who has been trafficked? How much do I really know about what goes on in her world? I feel that even though my line of work is involved, I don't even know half of her story.

Today I was getting ready for the bbq I organised at Centennial Park at 10:30am. I had everything ready in the trunk, but at 10am I decided to go down to check if I had enough chips, since I took a pack for Taken last night. While checking, I had an impulsive desire to go for a drive - and so I did. I drove to the seaside listening to my Sleeping Dogs CD, which was awesome. I loved it. Doing it on a whim made things even better.

I went home to pick up my things and then drove to the bbq. Despite being nearly half an hour late, I was still the first one there. I waited and watched the Korean church group singing in a circle. I wondered if Erica was religious. It's not uncommon for working girls to be religious. I guess they don't face the oxymoron.

I didn't have to wait for long before I spotted Michael L and Eva walking towards me. I talked to them for a bit while waiting for the others, and then Shuing and G showed up. The Korean group then came to us and said they had booked the area. Shuing did an admirable thing - asking them for proof. He got it as they showed us their booking form. So off we went to look for a new spot while Michael L and Eva waited for the others.

We weren't too sure where we were headed, but we eventually found a place. During our walk, we had surprisingly good laughs, and it felt like we were back in high school, just walking without a purpose.

I left them there while I headed back to find the others. I started jogging because I didn't want them to wait too long and start thinking about what a shit job I had done organising it (really, how was I supposed to know a group of Roman-Catholics booked a fucking public bbq area??). I noticed how I was able to jog, albeit slowly, which was a good sign. The other thing I thought about was how I had done this jog many many times before (in the other direction though), and yet walking it seemed so far away, but jogging made me remember how it was such a short distance.

I found them and ended up driving some of them to the new area with everything in my trunk. So we set up and ended up having an awesome time. I mainly stayed with Shuing, G and Daniel at the bbq cooking. Michael L, Colin, Sterling and Vivian went back and forth. Yang was cooking on his own bbq. The rest of the girls just stayed as a group together.

After eating, the guys had a soccer game. I wasn't going to play at first due to my knee, but Shuing egged me on, and so I just walked around at first, but (as expected) as the game went on, I got more and more active, until I eventually pushed myself till I scored a goal (or goals).

As I played, I thought about what a contrast this was to my gambling days. This seemed so...pure. It was good, cheap, innocent fun. With friends. Somehow, sitting at a roulette table seemed so much dirtier compared to this. Why is that? I guess losing money, which is your livelihood, just gives you that sick feeling in your stomach. I was glad I was here.

When we packed up the bbq, I drove G and Shuing to G's car, and gave Colin a lift to the station.

I was glad the day went well, better than expected. I had fears it would rain, but there wasn't a cloud in the sky (as G put it).