Gambled
Having abstained from gambling for 53 days since 29 August 2012, I 'fell' back into it today. Not even sure if that is the term I want to use. I definitely don't want to call it a 'relapse' - somehow relapse to me implies a loss. I came out $300 on top.
I usually turn the internet connection on my mobile off unless I am using it. I guess I just don't want to be charged for whatever downloads occur without my control, and also don't want to be downloading things I don't ask for. But last night I left it on - waiting for that message tone that would indicate to me that Erica had replied to my message.
Throughout the night I woke up several times to check it. Nothing. When I woke up today there was still nothing. I wondered if I was right, in that she had lost interest. But Kakaotalk shows she hasn't even read the message, so unless she's figured out a way (and I haven't) to read the messages without triggering the read thing, then I can only assume she hasn't read my message.
Is she in hospital?
Did she need to have surgery?
Has someone taken her phone off her?
If she didn't like me, why tell me about Brisbane? Surely you could just tell me whenever you were returning to Sydney.
That was enough to set me off in a down mood. I wasn't depressed as such, just down. I found myself using, what in hindsight were excuses, but at the time seemed like good reasons to go to the casino:
- Erica not replying to my message
- Richard being pissed at me (because he never responded to my text) for driving all the way out to training only to find out the time had been changed and he wasn't notified
- questioning my captaincy status of the team, given the ongoing conflict with Bo, and possibly now Richard
One thing I realised was that, once I had pretty much made up my mind about going to the casino, it seemed like that was the only thing my brain could focus on. I thought I had nothing to do for the day apart from going to the casino, even though I had to do my dad's tax return and also to shave my head.
Well I did those in the morning. I could've gone to the courts as originally planned, but my legs are sore from yesterday. I could've gone into the office to work and apply for a job, but...eh.
I told myself that if on my way to the casino Erica replies, then I'd turn around and occupy myself with something else. Anything. It was funny I applied this logic, because it was what Bo did to me recently - if you don't pick up the phone then I'm off the team. Even though those two things are logically separate and discrete, it was used almost in a blackmailing manner as a trigger.
I caught the bus out and before arriving at the ATM, I checked my phone - no message.
I withdrew $1,000 and headed to the casino. Just before approaching, I checked my phone again - no message. So casino it was.
I went in and found a table with one tall Caucasian guy playing. He sounded young, but when I took a good look at his face, he looked a lot older, maybe early 40's. He was very talkative, despite seemingly having lost quite a bit of money earlier. He was betting fairly big, placing large piles of chips on, he says, 20 numbers.
I adopted my usual strategy of sectors every now and then, and was content to sit out spins because there were other people playing. I was up about $200, then down $100, then up $300. I found it funny that the guy would say "yeah, not sure about this spin" (coming up), because it implies somewhat that he was sure about the previous one. I mean, OF COURSE you're never going to be sure about the upcoming spin. If you were the casino would go broke.
Later on an Asian man who bought in like $4000 worth started playing, and that was my cue to get out. He actually used so much money the chips had been converted from $5 to $10. I didn't even know you could do that.
I cashed out, went to the cashier and when I returned the Asian man was gone. Think he lost all his money. He was now playing on the table opposite, and I took a look and he had placed a hell of a lot of money on the table, only to have the ball land on a number that he didn't have money on. Shit.
I went to a quiet place to sit down and played Ani Pang, then somehow reasoned that because I had $500 worth in $50 notes, I needed to convert them into $100 notes and the best way to do that was to play again and try to win $200. I already was up $300 which would cover the car registration fee which I paid on Thursday, but now I could make even more to cover what I bought on Friday night (Swarovski cufflinks and two ties).
I went to a table where only one man was playing. I realised the dealer was somewhat attractive. I wasn't sure before because I didn't have my glasses on. I bought$500 worth of chips and lost it all within a few spins.
Hmmm.
Now I was down $200.
I went to another table with a short Asian, stubby woman as a dealer. I started playing and was down at first. This old man barged in between me and this old lady, and I waited for him to lose all his money so I could get my spot back. It didn't take long until I watched him lose all his purple chips, even after he bought some more. I, on the other hand, had placed a $200 bet, and it landed on 4, where I had five straight ups and three splits.
I was now back to my original gain of $300. No one else on the table was playing so I left. I figured being up $300 was better than being down $1,000, which was a very real possibility given the earlier loss.
I left and walked to KFC where I ate. I wasn't really that hungry, but kinda just wanted to be out by myself for a bit longer before going home. At home, no one was here but there was food leftover. If I knew I wouldn't have had the KFC.
Oh Erica...where are you?
I usually turn the internet connection on my mobile off unless I am using it. I guess I just don't want to be charged for whatever downloads occur without my control, and also don't want to be downloading things I don't ask for. But last night I left it on - waiting for that message tone that would indicate to me that Erica had replied to my message.
Throughout the night I woke up several times to check it. Nothing. When I woke up today there was still nothing. I wondered if I was right, in that she had lost interest. But Kakaotalk shows she hasn't even read the message, so unless she's figured out a way (and I haven't) to read the messages without triggering the read thing, then I can only assume she hasn't read my message.
Is she in hospital?
Did she need to have surgery?
Has someone taken her phone off her?
If she didn't like me, why tell me about Brisbane? Surely you could just tell me whenever you were returning to Sydney.
That was enough to set me off in a down mood. I wasn't depressed as such, just down. I found myself using, what in hindsight were excuses, but at the time seemed like good reasons to go to the casino:
- Erica not replying to my message
- Richard being pissed at me (because he never responded to my text) for driving all the way out to training only to find out the time had been changed and he wasn't notified
- questioning my captaincy status of the team, given the ongoing conflict with Bo, and possibly now Richard
One thing I realised was that, once I had pretty much made up my mind about going to the casino, it seemed like that was the only thing my brain could focus on. I thought I had nothing to do for the day apart from going to the casino, even though I had to do my dad's tax return and also to shave my head.
Well I did those in the morning. I could've gone to the courts as originally planned, but my legs are sore from yesterday. I could've gone into the office to work and apply for a job, but...eh.
I told myself that if on my way to the casino Erica replies, then I'd turn around and occupy myself with something else. Anything. It was funny I applied this logic, because it was what Bo did to me recently - if you don't pick up the phone then I'm off the team. Even though those two things are logically separate and discrete, it was used almost in a blackmailing manner as a trigger.
I caught the bus out and before arriving at the ATM, I checked my phone - no message.
I withdrew $1,000 and headed to the casino. Just before approaching, I checked my phone again - no message. So casino it was.
I went in and found a table with one tall Caucasian guy playing. He sounded young, but when I took a good look at his face, he looked a lot older, maybe early 40's. He was very talkative, despite seemingly having lost quite a bit of money earlier. He was betting fairly big, placing large piles of chips on, he says, 20 numbers.
I adopted my usual strategy of sectors every now and then, and was content to sit out spins because there were other people playing. I was up about $200, then down $100, then up $300. I found it funny that the guy would say "yeah, not sure about this spin" (coming up), because it implies somewhat that he was sure about the previous one. I mean, OF COURSE you're never going to be sure about the upcoming spin. If you were the casino would go broke.
Later on an Asian man who bought in like $4000 worth started playing, and that was my cue to get out. He actually used so much money the chips had been converted from $5 to $10. I didn't even know you could do that.
I cashed out, went to the cashier and when I returned the Asian man was gone. Think he lost all his money. He was now playing on the table opposite, and I took a look and he had placed a hell of a lot of money on the table, only to have the ball land on a number that he didn't have money on. Shit.
I went to a quiet place to sit down and played Ani Pang, then somehow reasoned that because I had $500 worth in $50 notes, I needed to convert them into $100 notes and the best way to do that was to play again and try to win $200. I already was up $300 which would cover the car registration fee which I paid on Thursday, but now I could make even more to cover what I bought on Friday night (Swarovski cufflinks and two ties).
I went to a table where only one man was playing. I realised the dealer was somewhat attractive. I wasn't sure before because I didn't have my glasses on. I bought$500 worth of chips and lost it all within a few spins.
Hmmm.
Now I was down $200.
I went to another table with a short Asian, stubby woman as a dealer. I started playing and was down at first. This old man barged in between me and this old lady, and I waited for him to lose all his money so I could get my spot back. It didn't take long until I watched him lose all his purple chips, even after he bought some more. I, on the other hand, had placed a $200 bet, and it landed on 4, where I had five straight ups and three splits.
I was now back to my original gain of $300. No one else on the table was playing so I left. I figured being up $300 was better than being down $1,000, which was a very real possibility given the earlier loss.
I left and walked to KFC where I ate. I wasn't really that hungry, but kinda just wanted to be out by myself for a bit longer before going home. At home, no one was here but there was food leftover. If I knew I wouldn't have had the KFC.
Oh Erica...where are you?
posted by toey | 15:22
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