Her name is Vicky...or Victoria!

Spent most of the day studying in the office, interspersed periodically with reading up on a matter at whim. At lunch time I went to the gym, felt so good to get on the bike, but was disappointed both the stretching area and weights area were busy, so had to go after two sets of chin ups (need something to break them up or else the third becomes too hard).

After work I promptly walked down to the course venue, and like last time, bought a bun on the way. As I left the shop, I saw a guy I had met in my study group previously so sat down and ate with him as he was eating sushi. I think his name was Michael. We went to class together and sat next to each other. I found him to be really easy going. I had initially thought he was a crim lawyer, but he said he used to be an accountant and had just finished his law degree.

That Asian girl was there again, in the same seat. I tried not to look at her too much, stealing glances only every now and then. For some reason I started getting a headache and also had a 'Jin attack' - meaning I had the sudden urge to message her as I was longing for her. I told myself that as soon as I get home I'd message her.

During the break I spoke with Karen about studying. When class finished, I caught her at the back of the room and asked if she was in a rush so we could wait for Albert. She checked her app and said it was 12 minutes until her train comes, but we stood around as Albert slowly made his way towards us.

He was walking with that Asian girl. As she walked towards me, she seemed to look at me once or twice but our eyes never met. I opened my mouth to say something to Albert and she looked up at me thinking I was speaking to her.

YES!!!

I told Albert we would go together with Karen, and he introduced the Asian girl to me. I was so nervous, I can't remember whether she said her name was Vicky or Victoria. She said she'd shake my hand but I was holding a cookie lol. I asked if she was studying all three exams, and she had turned around and I thought she was gonna ignore me, but then she said yes.

As we walked, we somehow managed to form a group of Albert, Karen and I. I didn't know where Vicky had gone, but at the lights she caught up with another person. From thereon, I walked up ahead with Karen as she was walking fast, and Albert trailed behind with Vicky.

I wasn't listening to one word Karen was saying. All I could think of was "hurry up Vicky, catch up to usssssssss!!!"

But the closest we got was when everyone parted from me at the next lights, and Vicky turned around and gave me a very friendly and open goodbye. Hmmm.

Hmmmmmm.

Yui...

Yesterday I managed to study in the library from about 10:30am to like 5pm, which was a pretty good effort. I studied Evidence and managed to finish off all those seen questions. Still so much more to read...

I met up with Shuing and G for dinner in Chinksford. Shuing gave me a present he got from Beijing. I wondered why he only gave it to me now. Maybe it was because he didn't get the other guys anything? It was a Chinese themed book hard cover. He seemed like he was quite proud he had chosen it for me, but to be honest, I kinda thought "wtf" but I thanked him nonetheless.

I told them about my work situation and how I had gotten a six week extension on my contract, and Shuing agreed it was a tough situation. I also told them about my shirt idea and how the samples were being sent back to me. Shuing said he would be interested in trying it out. He said it would only be good for fat people as only fat people sweat. I disagree.

After that we had dessert at the Malaysian place across the road. We talked about Eva's and Michael's wedding and subsequent divorce, as well as Bobby's upcoming wedding. Also talked about G going to China for the girl, and he said the plan was to bring her back eventually. Although he doesn't seem to have put much thought into the future. Who am I to talk anyway?

Anyway, it was a good night, and I am glad I managed to switch the pizza night watching tennis at Shuing's house for this without any hiccups. I just knew Shuing had put money on the game and would've been tense during the whole thing.

Today was another study session, though it wasn't as productive. I decided to study P & P even though my Ethics class is tomorrow and I haven't even looked at the questions. For some reason I was really...horny. So embarrassing. I actually found the material to be sorta interesting, but I couldn't take my mind off sex...and Jin.

In the afternoon I decided to give up and went home. I figured I'd rub one out and get something to eat, but my parents were home, so I just ate a pie. I decided to return to the library, telling myself it'd be worth it even if I read up on just one more topic. I managed two.

When I got home I had pretty much decided to go punting. I went to Ginza, and waited for a girl called Yui. She looked a bit like Tracy. There was kissing involved, and she was very much a GFE, but all I could think of was Jin. Even after the sex she kept kissing me and holding me, and all I could think of was how fake this all was and how I wished it was with Jin.

So as I left, I asked myself: why do I keep wasting my money doing this shit if it doesn't solve anything at all? I think it will, but during and after I always realise I was wrong. Nothing can substitute true intimacy.

Wolf of Wall Street...with Ghost

On Saturday morning I went to the courts. It was a bit windy and cloudy, but at least it wasn't raining. Given that and it being a long weekend, I wondered how many people would turn up. When I got there, the chubby guard with the beard was already there stretching. I approached him and we chatted a bit, and then people started to slowly show up, although not as many as previously.

Nevertheless, we still managed to get a full court game on. Bo was there again, things are a bit less awkward now. I think we just accept that we'll say hi and bye and nothing more. We didn't play too many games, maybe it was the wind, but people started leaving after about two hours. That Toronto guy invited me out to lunch, but I had to decline as I was "supposed" to study.

Needless to say, I didn't. I went home, and had a nap. I still had a headache from the day before, and had to play basketball with it. Woke up feeling better as the headache dissipated. Then I got ready to meet "Ghost" for Wolf on Wall Street.

She had texted me earlier to confirm, and I joked that I thought it was the next day before confirming. I caught a bus out and got there on time. Didn't see her so I went to collect the tickets I had booked online. Good thing I did, because there was a huge queue. I texted her saying I was there and she asked me to wait. I waited for like 20 minutes, and when she arrived it was 3:45pm - the start time for the movie. She said she didn't think I was coming, so I assume she only got ready when I said I was there.

To be honest, I didn't think I'd recognise her. And I probably wouldn't have had she not waved to me first. I offered my hand out to hold and she kinda awkwardly just shook it. We walked to the end of the queue and waited. I said it was so long, and she said we could wait for the next one. I kinda liked how she wasn't annoyed and was willing to wait. Then I pulled the tickets out of my pocket and showed her lol. We went to get some popcorn and drinks before heading into the cinema.

Got perfect seats, at the back of the front section so I could see without my glasses, and we got a couples seat as well. She was texting a bit on her phone in the beginning which was a bit annoying. I wondered if she was texting her work to say she wouldn't be available.

The movie was pretty good. I had high expectations for it, and although it didn't meet it because I had set it so high, I wasn't really disappointed either. I thought Dicaprio did his usual excellent job, but the script for his motivational speeches probably could've been better. Or maybe that was just how Jordan Belfort remembered them. Anyway, I thought there were three scenes which will go down as classics:

1. The lunch with Mathew McConaughey. The chest beat and the humming was both hilarious and weird at the same time. He did such a wonderful job, can't believe he was only in the movie for five minutes.

2. The scene where Leonardo discovers his home phone is bugged and rushes home under the influence of drugs to stop his friend from talking on the phone. That battle between them to get his friend off the phone had the entire cinema laughing.

3. The exchange on the boat between Leonardo and the FBI agent. I wasn't sure until the very end of that exchange as to whether the FBI agent was seriously contemplating siding with Leo.

What I also liked about her was that when the movie finished, she wasn't in a rush to get up and leave. I always like to stay seated for a bit and let the crowd go first.

When we walked out, she asked me what I was going to do now, and I thought for a moment that maybe she didn't want to spend the rest of the day with me. I asked her if she wanted to go for dinner and she said yes. I suggested Japanese and Spanish and she seemed interested in the latter but when I mentioned pizza she decided on Japanese. Turned out later that she didn't like pizza.

I took her to the Japanese restaurant I had been to with HHH, Bush etc as well as Jim. She actually didn't mind walking and said she sometimes walks along the main street to get to Circular Quay. It was during this walk that I asked for her name, as I told her my name was the same as a department store we had been talking about. She said she'd tell me in five minutes.

She pointed out the Sydney Tower and I asked if she wanted to have dinner there next time and she said yes. She then told me about a rotating restaurant in Beijing. She also said she would like to go to the zoo. I wasn't too keen on that as I had already been relatively recently, and it'd probably bring back memories of Jin. In fact, even throughout the night I sometimes had flashes of thought of Jin.

I asked her how many children she'd want and she said three. This led to a discussion about the one child policy in China and she said it's changed now to allow two.

Once we got to the restaurant, I did the chest beat thing like in the movie which made her laugh. We ordered and ate, and I again asked for her name. She told me it was Xing, and I knew she wasn't lying because that was her name on WeChat.

She told me she had learnt her English in high school whilst in Japan. She said she had two older siblings, I think one sister and one brother. She made it sound like she had been by herself since a very young age. She told me she lived with two room mates, one of whom lived in the lounge. She said she paid like $350 in rent per week. She said she wanted to look for cheaper and I showed her on my phone some places for rent in surrounding suburbs.

She also said she wanted to go to Ikea to get a quilt as it was cold at night, and I said I could drive us there one day.

She didn't seem to eat too much, so I had to finish off the plate of sushi. I suggested going for a walk to Circular Quay, and although she said yes, she later said she wanted to go home as it was cold. As we walked, I asked if she had a boyfriend in Japan, and she said yes for two and a half years. I said that was a long time.

She then asked if I was married or had a girlfriend and I jokingly said yes before saying no. She mentioned something about being my girlfriend and I didn't say anything. She said she wanted to get married so she could get a visa, and said we could get married tomorrow. I played along and said yes, and she said probably in three months, and asked me how to get married. I said I didn't know and she asked me to look into it.

She said something about wanting to get into bed because it was cold, and I joked and said I wanted to get in her bed too, and she said not until after marriage.

Sometimes as we walked she'd walk into me or grab my arm. Just after the restaurant she tried to climb onto my back. But as we neared her apartment, she said she didn't want people to see us as she wouldn't know how to explain it. I walked her to her apartment and then we parted.

Even now, I realise it is too early to start something new again. I am still in love with Jin...

"Ghost"

So yesterday I ended up selling my 5oz gold. During lunch I thought I'd go out and get some quotes as to what I could get for it, since gold had jumped 2% overnight. I figured if I could get back what I paid for it then I'd be ok, since the purpose was to get it onto my credit card anyway.

I went to one shop that I heard advertising on tv. The guy was the type of slick talker you should be aware of. He said he could give me $7,050, and I said I was hoping for a little more ($7,100). He said they offered 2% below spot price and I said I'd wait for it to go up a bit, and he added it might go down. Pfff.

I decided to go get something to eat when I saw another sign held by someone on the street, advertising for the purchase of gold. I went in there and this place looked a little bit dodgier than the first, but the guy seemed a bit nicer. He was open to negotiate. He checked it out, instantly knew it was 5oz, and asked me what I wanted. I said $7,100 and he asked what the other place offered, and I said $7,050. He offered $7,075 and I said I could come back, but he quickly invited me in and said he'd take it for $7,100 (the shop I originally bought it from was selling it for $7,300 by now).

I went in and there was another customer. The guy told me he was waiting for his partner to come back from the bank with some cash, so I waited while the girl filled out a receipt for me. A while later he counted out $7,100 in cash for me. I don't think I have ever held so much cash in my life. I was watching him carefully as he counted it, as I was afraid he'd try something, but it was all cool.

And so, I sold it. I must admit, I was a bit sad whilst I waited. I looked at my gold and didn't want to sell it. The emotional side of me felt like I was losing something that belonged to me. But the rational and logical side said this was the right thing to do.

After that I went to the bank to deposit the money.

Back at the office, I waited until 2pm to go with Aaron for a warrant. Everything went ok, but after that, back at the office, I had gotten a headache. I'm not really sure from what. Maybe it was the stress of studying. Maybe it was because I was beginning to fear Jin had sent someone after me.

But Ben came to the rescue when at 4pm he asked me if I wanted to go for a drink. I couldn't accept fast enough, and went with him and Paul. Ben got the first round with chips, then Paul got the second round but I hadn't finished my lemonade yet so that excluded me. I did my share by buying the second bowl of chips. Yes, I am very 'Brian-conscious'.

We talked about general stuff, and I asked them if they thought Mob looked a bit teary in the morning meeting, but both said they didn't notice it. I think Paul doesn't like me. I caught him staring at me during a period of silence. I think he must be feeling some resentment towards me, wondering how I could be in a better position than him when I seemingly lacked social skills.

After that I went to DJ's to check out some ties before returning to the office to change. I went to the gym, then went home. I still had a headache and was content to call it a night, but some internet wanderings led me to messaging some parlours, and ended up booking a "mystery girl" from a shop I had never tried before, but had heard of many times.

I went to this apartment block behind KFC in the city and messaged them. Had to wait about 10 minutes and felt dodgy as shit. Later they sent me instructions to buzz my way up there, so found the door and knocked. These were very nice apartments. An older girl opened the door. I think I saw her entering the building before while I was waiting.

I was disappointed, as I was hoping for a really hot girl. But then I thought "should've known". We talked a bit but I was more distracted by how nice the apartment was. It was tiny, but just so nice. She asked me to shower and so I stripped off and went into the bathroom. She watched me and talked to me as I took a piss and showered.

After that she showered, and then we got onto the bed. Started talking and she acted like she didn't really want to do anything. She was talking and teasing me a bit and I thought this was all part of her "girlfriend experience" repertoire, so played along. She said she wanted to watch Wolf of Wall Street and I joked that we'd go see it tomorrow. We had sex, showered together and got changed. I asked if there was time left and she said about 20 minutes.

So we talked on the couch with her sitting on my lap. We somehow got talking about going for ice cream and I thought she was joking but we actually really did end up going. As we left, I was standing in the lift when a thought struck me: "wait, is this part of the service? Am I going to be like, charged $1500 for this shit?"

But then she hadn't said anything. So hmmm.

We went to a yoghurt place on George Street. Had a bit of fun showing her how to do the yoghurt, and we managed to get some decent conversation in despite it being late and me having a headache. Although she said she was Mongolian, I think she really is from Beijing. Still don't know each other's names. We talked about ghosts, and she said her friends had seen some in Thailand, so she never sees ghost movies.

Seems like she has been to a few places, like Japan and Hong Kong. She can speak Japanese and a bit of Korean, in addition to Mandarin.

At times, from some angles, I found her attractive, but at other times, not. I guess I am just trying to fill time. I ended up walking her to her apartment, which was next to my old office. We talked a bit and I wondered if I should kiss her, remembering the time Jin looked like she wanted to kiss. But we just waved goodbye and said we'd see each other tomorrow.

Am I not wanted?

I had already begun getting a headache as the class rolled on tonight. Nothing to do with the lecturer, who is fantastic, but I guess just the combination of work and class for the fourth night in a row was getting to me.

I walked with Albert after class and told him about how I had started looking for new chambers as DC's one "apparently" didn't get my papers, even though DC had told the clerk about me. Albert instantly said they were making up excuses as to not to take me.

That hit me hard.

I had never thought about that. But it did make sense. I mean, it could make sense.

Wow. Now I am hurt. And depressed.

I saw her today...

Ele invited me out to lunch today. I didn't really want to go, as I had brought in my own lunch and I wanted to go to the gym (really wanted to get on that bike), so I made up an excuse saying I needed to buy a textbook. But she asked if she could come along, so I figured maybe there was something she wanted to tell me.

So I ended up buying the textbook at lunch and then meeting her at Woolies. She was a bit late, and I got a bit annoyed at that, but all that dissipated when I saw her post-birth body running across the street towards me. 

How could I get angry at her?

We went to the TGV food court and she said it was her treat. She asked me what I wanted and I just said anything she was getting, so she got us two plates of Thai food. At first I felt like I didn't know what to talk to her about, so I asked her about her second day back at work, and then struggled to remember the last time I saw her (at Eva's place) and talked about that.

I told her about how Shuing over-analysed everything in Dixit, and she generally agreed. Although she did say Eva winning wasn't a fluke as she plays it a lot. We talked about my exams coming up, and she told me about her days studying. We also talked about G as I said he was going to China for a girl. She told me a story about Sterling, how he had quit his job to study and had trouble finding a job when he graduated, and during that time no girls wanted to know him. However, after he got a job at the RBA, the girls suddenly came back. She seemed to hate how girls did that, but I said that was the sad reality.

After we finished she wanted to go for a walk. So we walked around the station a bit. I wanted to turn into this plaza corridor, but she stood there pausing a bit. We had a bit of an argument as to which direction my office was, and then we proceeded through the plaza. I then had the chance to part ways there or walk her a bit closer to her office. I chose the latter.

We parted at the traffic lights talking about how she'd raise her daughter, and I started heading back up to George St. As I was walking, I made eye contact with a girl walking in the opposite direction.

It was Jin.

The cap, and her face, they were dead give aways. But her reaction - she wasn't startled, or shocked to see me. Just looked down and kept walking. That made me doubt whether it was her.

I turned around and watched her a bit. She was wearing high heels and had a different handbag to the LV one she normally has. 

Was it her?

I kept walking before I turned around again, deciding to follow her. She had made a fair bit of distance, but managed to see her walking into 447 Kent Street. I walked into the lobby to check the directory and couldn't see any places for a South Korean national to go.

When I got back to the office, I spent the next hour or so googling that address. Nothing.

In the afternoon, I went to tell Mob something about one of my cases, and she told me afterwards that they could offer me six more weeks. I was about to say something but she stopped me and said I didn't need to say anything.

I then left to go check out that building. I had guessed maybe there was some sort of English learning college there. She looked like she had been there before, entering with familiarity. But I couldn't find anything of relevance, and went back to the office to change.

The second night of P&P went ok tonight, during half time I had a chat with Karen outside the class room. Then when class finished we walked back to the bus stop and parted.

As you would've guessed, I couldn't resist and ended up texting Jin after dinner tonight, basically asking for her back. Why do I do this...

A good deed

Last night, for whatever reason, I got angry and could not control it. I texted Erica "GIVE ME MY MONEY BACK!!!!!!!!"

This morning I walked to work. Spent most of the day listening to phone calls. At lunch I went to the gold store again to buy for my mom a piece of gold she wanted. It took much less time than last time. This time I didn't even have to go into the showroom, and I was given it at the cashier. The size of the 2oz shocked me - it was so tiny. Yet when I picked it up, it was so heavy. For a few moments after I left the place, I wondered if they had sold me the wrong thing because it was so small.

I then went to the dry cleaners to pick up my altered pants, then went to the bank to deposit the change from the gold purchase which my mom let me keep.

Back in the office, I microwaved some food I had taken from home with me. I chatted casually with Rob in the kitchen and thought it went pretty well. I don't normally go to the kitchen, so socialising like this was a big step for me. I think he has noticed I haven't bought any pies and hinted for me to buy one.

At the end of the day, as I was preparing to leave the office, I looked out my window and saw a man wearing yellow setting up camp within the bushes in the court building across the road. I felt sorry for him, and part of me even felt like crying. It must've been a lonely existence to be like that. I bet no one would even bother looking into the bushes, yet here he was, present as a human being we all ignored.

I decided to get him some food. I had Macca's in mind, but once I was out on the street, thought it was too far away. So I went to the MLC food court and bought a box of pasta and an apple juice. I was eager to get it to him because I feared the gates allowing entry to the bushes would close.

When I got there and walked up the stairs, I saw that it would be hard to actually get to him. I wasn't prepared to climb through the bushes, until I realised there was a small access path to my left, very narrow. So I walked through that and saw he was sitting there reading a newspaper. He looked up at me, and I said "sorry, just thought you might be hungry" and placed it near him. For a moment I thought he might scold me or be hostile, but he was grateful and thanked me.

Then I went off to class for P & P. I sat in the same spot and Karen arrived next to me. Class was alright. This tutor was a lot more...practical. Just basically told us what we needed for the exam and what we didn't need.

After class I walked with Karen to the bus stop and we talked about how the others hadn't had much work experience and therefore their answers tended to be more academic.

Where did I go wrong?

I didn't think I could maintain it, but yesterday morning I once again headed to the courts eagerly in search of a full court game. I left it a bit late this time and left home close to 9am. Maybe a little too late as by the time I got there they had just started.

Turns out that Tiago guy was there. I suspected it was the same one when people were calling him by his name and he could dunk. It was confirmed when Bo turned up, although I don't think they planned to see each other there, but Tiago did call out Bo like he knew him.

Things weren't as awkward this time. I decided not to say hi when I played against him, but he came over and said hi, so I offered a handshake and he had walked past but managed to awkwardly come back for it.

The games were alright I suppose. I hit a few shots, but didn't win too many games because we lost every time we played against Tiago. I just enjoyed being out there and running up and down the court. I think I ended up staying for about three hours before everyone left.

I went home, had a shower and lazed around for a bit. I always tell myself to go straight to the library, but in reality I'm way too tired. Out of guilt though, I did force myself to go. I left home at about 3pm which was a bit late, and got some study done.

After that I went home and then left again for the gym. I was hoping to see that chick from last week so I could use my 'line'. But this time she looked different with her hair tied back. Maybe it wasn't her. I don't know, I can't really remember what she looks like.

When I finished gym, I went home and had dinner. I started getting ready to go see Ivy. I gotta admit, this was in the back of my mind all along and had been part of the plan - play ball, study, gym and Ivy. I got changed and started thinking of what present to get her. I started thinking about how the session would go.

Then I realised I should actually try to make sure she's working. I had assumed all along she'd be working just because she was working last Saturday. So I called up and asked.

She wasn't working.

I can't really describe the feeling. After I hung up, it was kinda like my whole world shattered. Like my whole world had been based on this assumption, and now it had been removed. My life felt empty. I started to panic. My mind started rushing. My first thought was to go to the shop anyway to see a different girl. My next thought was to experiment and try other shops. My third thought was to save some money, and chill, because maybe she'd be working tomorrow. And if not, there's always next week.

Panic got the better of me as I called another shop which I suspect is associated with that shop. I called and asked if Ivy was working and the guy said no. I wondered if it was the same guy. Why did they even have a girl called Ivy as well? Coincidence? Or was I right?

Even if she was working there that night, wouldn't you come off as very creepy to see her at another shop?

When my thoughts had calmed down, I got changed back into my pajamas. I transferred the $250 back into my higher interest savings account and spent the rest of the night playing GTA. I told myself that I could see her tomorrow.

This morning, I went to the courts at 8am for my own personal training session. I had seen Lebron James do jump rope in a youtube video, which made me want to do it again, so I did three sets of that along with three sets of runs where you raise your knees up to your chest.

As I shot around, I thought about a few things:
- I not only needed to find my shot back, but I needed to get back my range. I was hitting set shots, being long twos, with pretty good accuracy.
- Where would I be now had I not given Jin that $25,000?
- Where did things go wrong for me? I am willing to work hard to achieve things, but it seems in the last few years I lost my fire and got caught up with gambling and whoring. Was this always in me? Or had I been led astray?
- Can I ever go back to being the clean slate person I want to be?

Gold!

Monday
Lunch time went to buy gold, wasn't sure if CC would work given Aus Post card. Stared at CC machine intently. It worked. So heavy.

Walked to lecture with gold bars in suit pockets. Hung jacket on seat, wondered if jacket would fall and gold bars would fall out. What a story for us if we all passed.

Lecture was good, sat next to Karen.

Wednesday
Woke up late, maybe tired from studying?
Lunch with Mary, Genie and Canda.
Third night of course, sat next to Karen, noticed she looked a bit more attractive, wondered if it had anything to do with me. Told her I was tired, she said it was like working long hours. Caught up with her and another girl walking to the station after class.
Headache.

My mom won $9,000

Caught the bus to work today and I already missed walking. Even though I was fiddling with my phone on the bus, I really hated to be one of those people.

Some time after 9am I realised I had missed a call from my mom. I called her back at lunch and she told me she had won about $9,000 from the pokies, so she'd pay me back for fixing the car. I knew the money would be hers, but I did wonder for a sec whether it was enough to pay off my debt. Of course not you idiot. 25,000 > 9,000.

I did, however, also wonder if this would mean I get off scot free for having to pay for her eye operation. That would make things a bit easier for me.

I also wondered if this was a signal of a change of luck. Maybe things would be good for the family this year? Maybe it was a reward for getting away from Jin?

Anyway I went to the gym and got on the bike. My knee had started aching again, I think I can only go 2-3 days without the bike before it starts aching. I also managed to do chin ups and abs. I went to Woolies to get some wedges and a chicken wing for lunch. I was literally out of money - both my wallet and bank account. And I still owed Malay $40.

I had to use my credit card for lunch, and I guess if something came up I'd have to re-draw from my personal loan. I keep telling myself it'll be alright when I get paid tomorrow afternoon, but how? I still owe $27,000.

When I returned to the office, I was mentally pressuring myself to tell Mob about the bar. She came back after 2pm and I went in. She said it was good I was there as she needed to talk to me, but allowed me to go first. I didn't know how to put it, so just blurted out "I'm sitting the bar exams in February". I told her staying here was still my first preference and if anything became available I could defer any other arrangements I made.

She looked shocked and started writing down the dates. She said she was talking to Nick about extending my contract for a few months, but otherwise still had no word on it. She made sure she jotted down the dates of when my "full time" barista work would commence, and I just said April.

I was disappointed because I was hoping for some celebratory words, but I guess she was just in shock. I said I was sorry for the shock but didn't know how to say it. She did say she understood I had to look out for myself and was sorry she couldn't provide any certainty.

Turns out the thing she wanted to talk to me about was the dates of my hearing. I ended up telling her Wendy wanted late February but I asked for it to be put back a week due to my exams. She seemed ok with that.

I helped her with a computer problem before leaving the room. I was kinda glad I did it, but was now wondering if it was the right thing.

After work I went to the book shop to buy a textbook I needed for the AoE exam. Lucky I didn't terminate my lifetime membership back when I was in uni and saved $32.

I then headed to the lecture, and luckily Karen was seated in the same seat, this time with Nancy in the same row. I said hi to both of them before grabbing a tim tam and a pack of lollies as I was really hungry. I started eating too many lollies too fast and started feeling sick lol.

When talking to Karen, I found out she had been to Korea about 11 years ago. She said she taught English there for about 18 months, and it was cool because I said I had just come back and how I loved it there. I felt that really made us bond a bit.

The lecturer went around the room asking individual questions, and she helped me when I seemed to struggle a bit.

During the next break I asked her about chambers, and she said she had been invited to join one. Wow.

We walked to the station together and were talking about getting clients and how it might be a deal breaker or maker for me to be Chinese.

When I went home, I found out what I had expected. My mom had already planned to spend the whole of the winnings, basically by buying a diamond ring. At least she will pay for her operation herself now.

Thai's birthday yum cha

Although Thai's birthday was on the 8th, we met up yesterday for yum cha.

I seriously don't know what's been going on with the group since I left facebook, but it seems like they can't organise anything. Add to that, I was starting to get really annoyed with the issue of the present.

Malay suggested getting him something from JB Hi-fi. Although this was a good idea, I really wondered about Malay's repertoire when it came to buying presents for people - it seems like JB Hi-fi is his only source of presents, which is a bit worrying.

So I suggested that in addition to a martial arts blue ray, that we get him something for the family as well, like a family pass for the aquarium. That turned out to be shit because they required you to specify the date of your visit, so I then suggested a family pass to the zoo, which we ended up choosing.

Now there was the issue of who would be contributing. Malay only asked me and Shuing, as he knew we were the only ones who pay up. So he didn't ask G or Brain. I was happy to leave it at that, as I was pissed that Brain didn't even make the effort to ask about a present. But then at the last minute Shuing said he would make the overture to G, as it wouldn't be fair to him otherwise. I said I'd do the same for Brain, because if you're gonna invite G, then you should invite Brain.

Although from our perspective we were giving them a "chance", they didn't do themselves any favours by responding only at the last minute to agree to chip in. Worse was Brain, who asked me if I was going to Eva's afterwards, and I said yes and asked him the same thing, only for him not to reply. Cunt.

To add to the stress and confusion, on the day I picked up Malay. I thought I should extend the invitation to Shuing as well, so texted him using my new number asking if he wanted a lift. He asked if I was Malay, which I thought was a bit weird. I played along and said yes. He asked if I was alone, which was even more weird. I said yes. Malay then proceeded to explain to me that Shuing's presence today was supposed to be a secret, that I wasn't even supposed to know.

That's weird, because Shuing told me he was coming...

Anyway, when we picked Shuing up, Malay explained everything to him. I said to Shuing he told me he was coming anyway, and he said he didn't and asked me to check the emails again. I checked today at work, and although he never clearly said "I am coming", it was pretty much obvious when he asked what "we" would be doing after yum cha.

What's the big deal anyway? Why try to make it such a secret that he'd be coming up to Sydney??? Although he says he loves living in Canberra, I think he's heaps lonely and that's why he keeps coming back.

When we were on our way there, my engine over heated so we had to wait for NRMA. Shuing annoyed me by asking that his dad come, whereas I just wanted NRMA to come and fix my car so I could take it either to the city or back home.

They came faster than expected and gave it a temporary fix by adding like four litres of water into it, though there were some obvious leaks. After that we were on our way and parked in a car park.

They had already ordered some food but didn't look like they had gotten too far in terms of eating. I didn't really want to sit next to Thai's wife, so sat down one seat before her, only to have Shuing nudge me as my seat was blocking the seat he wanted to get to, so I ended up moving into it and next to Thai's wife. She was pretty chatty, asking me about my trip to Korea, as she had been there twice on stop overs.

The meal went pretty smoothly, and the outstanding point of it all was Thai's son, who was just sooooo cute!

When it came time to pay, G asked if we should all pay or exclude Thai and his wife. I could sense Brain watching me closely, hoping for the latter. I said to just divide it by five, meaning excluding Thai and his wife. We paid with my credit card, and outside the restaurant, Brain made a feeble attempt at paying me by saying he had a $50 note which he couldn't break, and then walked off with G before any further discussion took place.

I drove Malay and Shuing back to Malay's place to drop him off as he had to work. We then got into G's car who was waiting outside my house. I suggested we go get a slurpee at the service station nearby, and I shouted everyone to a slurpee. I silently hoped Brain would offer to shout all of us something. It wasn't so much of a money thing, but more to show initiative and to contribute to the group, instead of just leeching off it.

We drove to Eva's place and I nearly fell asleep in the car. Once we got there, we saw that Thai and his wife were already there, along with Ele and Yang. We displayed photos of my trip to Seoul on the tv and I talked them through to people who were watching. I was disappointed that Ele wasn't really watching, as she was busy with her baby daughter.

I ended up giving Eva the Pororo toy, even though I thought about giving it to Ivy. But then I thought, seriously, in terms of priority, who deserves it more?

I also gave the apron to Ele, and tried to do it in the absence of Colin as I didn't get him a present. But he came out from the toilet and asked why I didn't get him anything lol. Ele annoyed me a bit by trying to gently say I should get her something pink next time. Apparently, and if Yang was telling the truth, Ele had said to him she would "kill me" if I came back without a gift for her.

After the photos, Thai and his wife left. Then we played Dixit, and this is where Shuing started to get aggro. For whatever reason, he didn't get it right on both my turns as a story teller. This led to his 'conclusion' that he 'never' gets my story telling. I was prepared to ignore it, but he pressed the point, saying he thought this represented a "psychological problem".

What the hell?

He also said he couldn't understand other people's thought processes as well, and asked me what was wrong with him. I decided to bait him and said "autism", which obviously hit a soft spot because he kept repeating it after that, like "oh yeah I got autism".

He was beginning to scare and annoy me.

After that we all left to eat at a Japanese restaurant nearby, even though I was still full from yum cha. The meal was rather uneventful, maybe because Eva and Colin were there.

When we drove back to the city, I half jokingly suggested going for a coffee and to Scope's work to see if he was there. Shuing obviously took this to heart and G drove us there. Fortunately, Scope had just left work.

We ended up going to that coffee place that Malay likes, the one with the chocolate bread rolls. This is where conversation started to get interesting.

1. Shuing mentioned something about us being special, and I gave a rather nihilistic view by saying if I died it wouldn't really change the world. He countered with the butterfly effect but I didn't buy it.

2. He asked me if I would go for Eva had she not been married to Michael L. I was honest and said probably yeah. He seemed to have a problem with the fact that Michael L proved to be an obstacle for me, saying it wasn't fair for Eva and that we seemed like a good match. I said the case could also be put that it wouldn't be fair to me, where she gets to pick him first and when it doesn't work out to just come to me.

3. Throughout the day he seemed to really want to push the point that I may be gay. This was due to me meeting with Adnan on the trip and going to the love lock mountain. Shuing dropped hints like, after I said Scope's work area was a nice place to live in, he said it was full of gay people. Then he said he knows a guy at his work is gay because they have nothing in common and conversation always ends easily. I tried to make it a point by saying then that meant Brain was gay, and Brain said there was a difference between being gay and being shy.

Perhaps most revealing of all was when we were in the car discussing this (on the way to the cafe), Shuing said something like "if someone is not into financial markets, gambling [and something else] then we have nothing in common and I don't want to talk to you". So he finally let it slip about the gambling thing.

While we were at the cafe, Luna was also brought up, and I expressed my regret at asking her such a dumb question about whether she was from South or North Korea, which killed my chances with her.

I was pretty glad to get home after that, just to be away from the pressure of Shuing's presence.

Ivy

Friday
On Friday after work, I met up with some of the people from the study group for drinks. When I went there, I saw Albert sitting there with two other guys. I at first didn't know how to approach, walked back and forth a bit, before heading over to Albert, putting my hand on his shoulder and shaking his hand. I then introduced myself to the others, who were Geoff and Jay.

Both were older guys, with different backgrounds. Geoff said he had an engineering company before, and only recently completed his law degree. He had undertaken the bar exams last time and passed P & P, and now needs to pass the other two.

Jay, I could relate to better. He had a criminal background and talked like a proper criminal lawyer. He seemed to be a bit more realistic / negative on the prospects of going to the bar, half joking that the worst that could happen was we would go bankrupt lol.

Nancy arrived later and we all had a chat about going to the bar. We didn't stay there for long, and probably left at around 6:30pm. I went back to the office to change before going to the gym. When I went home, surprisingly I didn't stay up too late and went to bed to get some sleep.

Saturday
I started the day by going to Coles in the Wick to get some Gatorade, before walking to the courts near me. I was really looking forward to playing some full court games again. I felt much more ready this time around, and pictured myself driving and swerving around in the lane, making slick dishes to my team mates.

But when I got there, I was disappointed to see no one else on the courts.

So when I want to be by myself, the courts are full. When I want to play against others, no one is here.

I shot around a bit before people started arriving. The same Paul guy came over to ask me to play "again". When I walked over, they all seemed to be waiting for me. Turned out they wanted me to get up to the ring to hang the nets up lol. I was like "I'm afraid of heights though" but they still insisted. They wanted me to climb up on some guy's shoulders. My first thought was falling backwards and cracking my head on the asphalt. Oh god.

I actually did manage to get up there, but was completely hopeless at hooking the net up. They ended up wheeling a bin over and getting some other guy to climb up onto it. He was much better than me at hooking the nets up. But I felt like I got some support when someone asked the guy who had lifted me up "do you think you could've held him for this long?", meaning the first way wasn't feasible anyway.

It took a while for both nets to be put up, and when it was done I ran the bin back over, then waited for a game as there were more than ten people. Even managed to play a half court game to warm up. After that I managed to get a few full court games, but I was on the team with that hog. We won a few games, and we could be a good team, but he really needs unselfish players around him to complement his hogging.

Everyone got tired eventually and called it quits. I went home, had a shower, and intended to go to the library straight away. But I ended up napping for over an hour before going to the library. Walking to the library was a bit of a reminiscing experience of my uni days. It felt weird to go into the library amongst all these students as a full time worker. I couldn't help but feel "I've made it"...yet at the same time, it wasn't all that great. When I was a student, all I wanted was a decent job. I never would've imagined myself earning $120k per year. And what now? I have gambled most of my money away and regularly see prostitutes.

Anyway, I managed to study for a few hours. Not as intense as I would've liked, more like leisurely reading some Rules and sample questions. But I figured it was a good start.

After that I walked back home, then drove out to the gym at the Bra at about 6:45pm. On the way in, there was an extremely hot chick working at the reception. I thought she'd just swipe my card and let me through, so I wasn't prepared when she asked "do you know what time we close?" I had to say "sorry?" and she repeated it. I was like "uhhh...7:30?" and she said yes. I didn't know what else to say and just said "thanks..." but she managed to laugh at that lol.

As I walked off to the change room, I had a good come back line enter my head: "that's the reason I come here, so I can tell people I stay at the gym until it closes". Fucking scumbag brain always too late!!!

I thought about saying something like that on the way out. I bumped into Dimmie at the gym who was working out with his girlfriend. I thought about how he was "posterised" in a picture I have where I am elevating very high over him for a jump shot. Poor dude.

Anyway, on my way out, the chick was walking away from reception and towards me. But because I didn't have my glasses, I had my head down and so did she. Hmmm.

I went home and played GTA for a while. Then...the gambling bug came. I started thinking about having "one last go" with $800. I'd bet $400 per spin for two spins and see what comes up. I'd walk away with any gain. I was also tempted to have a punt as well.

That eventually got to me, and I turned off my PS3 and went. I went to a double zero wheel for the first time. The dealer was a chubby Asian guy who I had seen before. I swapped my money for $800 in cash and color chips. I waited a few spins before betting.

On the first spin, I won. On the next spin I won as well. I was now up by $380. I figured I could go for a $270 punt and pay back $110 on my loan.

But noooooo...that wasn't good enough. I told myself I could get one more win just to have a bit more of a "cushion" on repaying the loan. I bet again and it fucking landed on 31...right on the border of my sector which was next to 14 where I had chips.

This happened again, which fucked me up. I eventually left the table with $300 in chips and cashed it in. I decided to go for a punt.

I drove to Naby's shop and was greeted by some Asian guy who didn't seem too friendly. He directed me to the waiting room straight ahead. I waited a while and saw three Vietnamese guys come in after me to the next waiting room. Seeing them made me think maybe girls were lucky to see me. They looked kinda rough.

I was then led to the main waiting room where I was shown four girls. When the third girl appeared, she had short hair and was fairly attractive. She also made good eye contact with me. I was pretty sure I'd choose her, until I saw the fourth girl. She was equally as attractive, but looked somewhat familiar. When I was asked to choose, I couldn't decide, but eventually went with the fourth girl.

When we went into the room, I asked her if I had seen her before. She said "two months", and I thought she meant I saw her two months ago, but she was saying she had been in Australia for two months. I eventually broke out some Korean words and she said my Korean was good. She said I was funny, and when we went into the shower, we seemed to be able to keep joking around. The water was, however, pretty cold, which sucked.

She told me she finished work at 4am. I asked if she'd go home to sleep or go eat, and she said eat. I asked "Haru?" and she said yes, but added something I didn't understand.

When I laid on the bed face down, she asked me to turn around. Don't know why, but she kept laughing and saying I was funny, and it really detracted from the mood. I felt like we had a bit of a connection going, definitely better than Yuna's. Now I didn't even want the sex anymore, and I think she felt the same way. But by then it would've been too awkward not to have sex. Even when she went down on me she was laughing. She eventually climbed on top of me and did her usual thing, before asking to swap to doggie, where I finished.

After that we both laid face down on the bed and talked. She smoked a couple of cigarettes while I told her about my trip to Seoul. She said she was from Busan. I told her the street food I liked and she said they were called "or-deng". I told her I liked Spao coat and tried to tell her the story of me asking "odie" about where it was, but she thought I was asking her where I could get one. As I had already used my phone to show her on the subway map where I had stayed, she used the browser to show me a Korean online shop for coats.

I pretended to pose like one of the guys on the site, and she laughed lol. I asked her how old she was and she said 26. She waited a while before she asked me and I asked her to guess. She didn't know what I meant at first, and after guessing 23 because that was the example I gave her, she guessed 31.

She used the app to tell me she was studying teaching in Korea. I used the app to say she was a beautiful teacher, and she corrected me by saying she hadn't finished the course yet, and it sounded like she had 6-12 months to go. I then said she was beautiful. She was actually quite pretty.

She asked if I had worked earlier that day and I said I studied, which I knew would've gave her a wrong impression, so I explained that I was a lawyer studying for the bar, using the translator app, and she understood.

I had initially jokingly asked if I could have her lighter. She didn't understand, but when I used my app to later say "souvenir", she agreed. At first she said "ten dollars" but she was joking. She then asked me to give her a gift and I said "next time", which meant I'd see her again, and she was happy. Not sure if she was happy I'd see her again, or if I said I'd give her a gift. I thought about the Pororo.

She then gave me the lighter, before taking it back and kissing it. She gave it to me and I pretended to hug it close to my heart. I then later gestured that I'd cherish it, and she laughed. She said she had a good time and she was happy. I think that was her way of saying she'd like to see me again.

We showered at the end and as I got dressed, I remembered my jeans were from Korea and showed her as proof (because I was on my new phone which didn't have photos of my trip). She read the label and said it was from Uni Qlo lol.

I said she looked like Pororo which made her laugh. She said another character's name but I didn't understand it. She said I looked like Pororo.

As we walked down the stairs I said "yebeoseo" and she laughed. At the bottom of the stairs I turned around to wave goodbye to her and left. I walked away with the feeling of having found a girl who I actually thought was hot and maybe liked me (in the sense of maybe she might go out with me). Like, I just felt like I was more attracted to her than Jin or Naby.

Disappointment...anger...sadness...

Do you remember that first night you went out with Erica? Do you remember thinking in the back of your mind that it was never going to happen, even as things unfolded?

Well I still had that feeling about Yuna. I guess it's a case of it hasn't happened until it has happened.

Last night at 9pm I sent her the following messages:

"Hey Yuna :)"

"can you meet me tomorrow at 5:45pm?"

"outside Madang restaurant?"

For a few reasons I woke up at 3am and spent the rest of the time tossing and turning. Thinking about Yuna's reply, thinking about getting back at Erica, thinking about how far behind I am in studying for the bar.

By the time I got out of bed the messages had been read, but no reply. I thought I'd give her more time.

At 12:19pm today, just before I left the office for lunch, I sent her more messages, "are you ok?" and "or busy tonight?"

They were read about an hour later, and still no reply. I decided to try one last time at 2:52pm, this time asking in Korean. Not read yet.

But as the clock ticked towards 5pm, it was getting pretty obvious. I started to feel down, and it hurt each time I checked the app to see if the messages had been read, or if there had been replies. Despite that, I still waited in my office, in my suit, until 5:30pm. Even after I changed, I knew I was willing to come back to change into my suit again if I was wrong the whole time and she ended up messaging me at 5:45pm. Part of me wanted to curl up in my office and cry.

Why couldn't she just say no? Or at least say she was busy?

Even as I went to Woolies, bought some wedges, and ate it as I went to the bus stop, I knew I'd force myself to eat dinner if she agreed to come out.

Although I said in my last post I wasn't ready to date again, for some reason being ignored made me want it more. Maybe it is an ego thing. Maybe it is an insecurity thing.

Even now, I have left my phone internet connection on, just in case she messages me.

But I know, it's not going to happen. I guess she said yes to be polite, or to keep me as a customer. I guess her messages were just to keep me as a customer. I just couldn't see past how her seeming innocence was lying to me. I really did think she wanted to come out with me.

It will be interesting, however, to see if she eventually replies, maybe with an excuse.

First day back at work...

Feeling a bit of fresh motivation, I caught the bus to work today carrying my suit (which I took to Korea), with three brand new spanking white shirts in my bag, as well as shoes and the key rings as presents for my colleagues.

I was determined to not bludge, so after unpacking my shirts in the office, I got down to business and started studying for my bar exams. I did that for the first half of the day, then met with Genie and Canda for lunch, as Genie spontaneously emailed everyone saying she felt like Hungry Jack's. So I went along even though I had brought my own sandwich. I ate that, then had a $5 Stunner meal with them. I told them about my Korea trip which was cool.

For the second half of the day, I was emailing Shuing and trying to catch up on the matters I had carriage of.

I left promptly at 5pm to meet the study group for the bar exams. Took a bit longer than I expected, but met this guy called Albert first. He reminded me of that Kwan guy in uni, but...more hygenic. He didn't seem to care much for chit chat or introductions, getting straight down to business about the questions he had already looked at.

Then we met this guy called Peter, and apparently they had met before in another study session. The library closed at 6pm so we moved to an outdoor table. Peter said he would not study with Nancy, who was another member of the study group, and I knew this was a red flag. Later on, I found Peter to be argumentative and not willing to listen to views that differed from his own.

He even spent some time showing Albert some "abusive" messages from Nancy, whilst Albert said he didn't want to get into it and just wanted to discuss the questions lol. I was watching this with amusement, but did feel he was wasting our freakin' time.

At 7pm I rushed back to the office to change. I was too late for the security system, so went through the third floor. Hope I don't get pulled up for it tomorrow.

And so...I have a date with Yuna tomorrow. I have no doubt about it - this is too soon. The bad taste of Erica is still in my mouth, and fresh on my mind. Way. Too. Soon.

Saturday basketball and Yuna...

On Saturday morning I was determined to get out there on the courts for some come back basketball. Even if all I did was a set of suicides I'd be happy. Well it turned out to be heaps more...

I got there a bit late, maybe around 9:30am. I saw some guys playing half court games and didn't think much of it. Most importantly, I didn't see that blue and red basketball uniform that Bo likes to wear. I started doing my suicides and then this guy comes over and asks me if I wanna play a full court game. It's the same guy and same bunch of guys I'd played with before. Before I knew it, I said yes.

I thought I'd be a bit rusty, both in terms of skills and in terms of fitness, but I surprised myself in both. I made some nifty dishes and was able to run a lot despite still feeling a bit of pain in my right calf. I missed my first couple of shots but then made like three in a row. And after losing our first game, we won like three or four games in a row before losing the last because we were tired.

There was one guy on my team who kept saying with an accent "too much turkey" lol.

After that one of them invited me for a drink, but I had to go so declined. I went home, showered and headed to the Wick. I went to buy a Travel Load & Go card to try to use that to transfer some of my personal debt onto my credit card which would reduce the interest. However, it failed as I couldn't buy it with a credit card, so I bought it with my savings.

I then went to the Telstra shop to try to get my ipad mini SIM card working for my phone, but apparently it had expired and so I bought a new prepaid SIM right there and then. I then went to have lunch at KFC. I was starving.

When I went home, I tried to load up the travel card I got by using my credit card. It nearly worked. Australia Post seems willing to accept it, but my bank wouldn't process it. Moments later I got a call on my phone from the bank saying it couldn't be done due to fraud risks in the past. Hmmm. Damn.

So I set about thinking of another way. There has to be a way. There is always a way. I later figured out that perhaps I could use my credit card to buy some gold, sell the gold later, get the cash and use it to pay off my personal loan. Hmmmmmmm.

Anyway, later in the afternoon I went to the gym. Then I made a booking to see Yuna. I thought about giving her the Poporo doll but figured I shouldn't for two reasons: 1) I didn't want to use presents/gifts as a way to attract; and 2) if she said no to dinner, then I'd save it for another person/occasion. Besides, it was probably more appropriate to give at a dinner than at the massage place.

I went to the shop and there was a fat guy leaving. Like a really fat guy. Gosh, feel sorry for whichever girl saw him.

I waited in the room a bit before Yuna came to get me. Unlike previous times, she didn't hold my hand to lead me up the room. Once we went in, I told her I came back yesterday and sat down. She sat in the chair next to me and I showed her some photos from my trip. I told her how much I loved the street food, and how cold it was. I also said the only thing I knew how to say was "Hangul mola" which made her laugh (I don't understand Korean).

I wasn't sure I wanted a massage or just to talk, but we seemed to proceed to taking off our clothes and showering. In the shower I told her how I didn't know how much some things cost so I'd pay one note at a time and wait for a response, which really made her laugh.

The massage went as usual, though she spend a long time using her hand on me, and as much as I wanted to finish, I couldn't for some reason. So then she led me up off the table, and we did that thing where I thrusted in between the back of her thighs, though this time I was careful not to do anymore. I finished that way and we showered.

After we got dressed, I used the translator app to ask her for dinner, and she said yes. I asked when she was free and she pointed to Tuesday on my calendar. Probably a bit sooner than I would've liked, as I would've preferred after pay day next week or something, but oh well.

I said I'd message her, and so now it seems we got a date. I don't seem as excited as with Erica. Maybe it's because it's too soon, or maybe it's because this is becoming routine. I really don't know how we're going to get along. Although both her and Erica's English are just as bad, at least Erica was more talkative, whereas Yuna seems to be more reserved and shy.

Leaving Seoul...and arriving home

How did I spend my very last day in Seoul?

The plan was to get some breakfast from a street stall for the very last time, head back to the hotel, leave by noon, go to the airport, leave my stuff there and travel back into the city for a bit since I had like seven hours.

But instead, I spent most of the morning packing up. There was more stuff than I'd imagined, and I barely fit everything into my suitcase despite wearing my newly bought coat. I decided it might be better to just go to the airport early and leave my stuff there so I'd have more time to explore. So I checked out like around 10 or 11am, took the subway to the airport, found the luggage storage area, then bought a donut for breakfast.

It was a toss of the coin between staying at the airport and heading back to the city. The subway ride was so long, I wasn't sure if I wanted to go through it again. But then I thought, I'm only here once anyway, so I headed back to Seoul station.

I wanted that spicy meat on a stick, but found only one place with it, and it didn't have the spicy type, so I didn't get it. Instead, I had a fast food meal at a Lotte outlet. That was accompanied by a bit of walking around, and just to be safe, I decided to head back to the airport sooner rather than later.

I walked around the airport for so long I felt like a terrorist, what with the baseball cap and the coat. Because I had so much time, I could afford to choose which bathroom I went to for a number two (wanted the most deserted one), walked back to the other side of the airport to look for a donut shop to sit down and eat. Found one and had a long black and two donuts there. Then went to get my luggage, checked in and sat down for a long time playing with my phone.

The plane was delayed by about 30 minutes, so there was even more waiting there. I felt sad leaving. Not sure if I was sad leaving Seoul, or just because my holiday had come to an end. To be honest, I did consider using my spare time earlier to go back to Jin's place and dropping a letter in the mailbox, basically exposing her, but I didn't. I couldn't do it to her mum. Not after I'd seen her.

Anyway, boarding the plane, I was once again curious to see who I'd sit next to. There was a young blonde girl sitting at the window seat. We both nodded and smiled as I approached. Then later on an older Korean woman sat in between us. The three of us chatted a bit. Turns out the blonde is from England, stopping over in Seoul and going to Australia to study photography. The Korean lady has a family in Australia and was in Seoul for business for three days.

I couldn't really sleep, though did doze off for a few hours. For some reason during the flight I became convinced that I would come back for a quick trip and drop off the letter in her mailbox.

What really gave me the shits was the person in front had their seat reclined for most of the trip. The only time they put it back was when the stewardesses asked them to during meals.

This return flight seemed to go quicker than the first flight, but there was the lack of excitement of going to a new place.

When we landed, I didn't have too much trouble getting out the airport. At customs, there was one guy and one girl in my lane doing the checking. The girl looked up at me as she was checking another woman's luggage, and then told the woman she could go. She asked me to put my carry bag onto the table and to take my hat off. She asked what I had to declare and I said ginseng. She opened my bag, and she curiously asked what the plush toy was. I cheerfully said it was Poporo, a famous Korean cartoon character, and she laughed and said "each to their own". I added "well it's for a friend" and thought, if I ever decide to traffick drugs, I'm going to put something in like that as a diversion.

I found my dad without much difficulty, and we drove to Brighton le Sands for him to pick something up before we went home. I was excited to open everything and give them the presents, before taking a quick nap until I was woken up to eat.

I went back to sleep and then woke up to meet the guys for dinner. I picked up Malay, and met Shuing, G and Brain in Chinksford. We went to a Chinese restaurant and I gave them all their presents. Even though Shuing had returned from Beijing, most of the talk was about my trip, with the occasional comment from him comparing it to Beijing.

After that we went to Macca's for coffee, which turned out to be ice cream for most of us. Then Malay bought 20 chicken nuggets to share, and I then matched him with another 20 lol. We stayed till close to midnight before going home.

My last (full) day in South Korea

Yesterday morning I went out to help myself to my second serving of Taco Bell for breakfast. Yes, I love Taco Bell that much. I think no matter how hard you like something in a foreign country, it's hard to repeat it because of the opportunity cost of trying something new. But this I just had to have again lol.

As I was eating I was playing around with my new Samsung S4 mini. One of the differences between this and the 'normal' sized one is that there is no haptic feedback (the little vibrations you get when pressing buttons), which is kinda annoying because I'm so used to it.

Anyway, after that I went looking for a case and screen protector for it. All those bright, glitzy stores that display phones out front? They don't sell cases and screen protectors - apparently. I went to one which was selling only cases and got served there by a girl who didn't speak a word to me until the very end when she gave me the screen protector package saying "one more". I had watched her apply the screen protector and it took her a while to get all the bubbles out, but I appreciated the effort. All of that for $20 when back in Sydney I get hit for $15 just for the screen protector.

When I got that done I went back to the hotel, then headed back out to meet Adnan. I was a bit late as I stayed on the subway and went to the wrong station, but managed to meet him at Gangnum station anyway. We caught a subway to Myeong-dong then a taxi to the cable cars for the Seoul Tower. The line was heaps long, and it was cold, but at least it was moving relatively fast (though we still waited for probably just under two hours).

To be honest, at first I wasn't too sure about meeting him. Part of me wanted to be by myself and do my own thing, but it wasn't too bad, and it got better later on.

Anyway, we squeezed into a cable car, and there was this one girl who I thought was pretty hot. Funny thing is, I mostly only got to see her from the side, but she didn't look that hot front on or when she was smiling.

I wasn't too sure about this tower thing at first, or the love lock thing, having heard of neither. But when we got there, I could see this was one of the things all tourists should do. Despite the freezing temperature, the view was magnificent. Definitely had no regrets coming here.

Also, initially I wasn't too sure about the love lock thing. When he said he was going to buy one, I was a bit like "errrr..." but went along with it. I figured it'd be good to leave my name somewhere in the place of history. Obviously couldn't help but think about Jin somewhat, but managed to push those thoughts out each time they came. I find it easier to do when I tell myself, in a Hollywood sci-fi tone, "from this day on, this person never existed..."

I got some souvenirs and we got our locks. I just wrote my name and date on it, then went to lock it up. Funnily enough, you can actually use your key to open up other locks of the same type. I tried it because I figured it'd be too costly for them to make individually custom key patterns for each.

Adnan spent a lot of time writing on his. Not sure what he wrote. But what surprised me as well was he wanted to put it next to mine. My first thought was "is he gay?", particularly when he seemed to put his arm around my shoulder. But later I figured he only did it to ask for a favour (like taking a photo of him). We got talking about girls after we left, so don't think he's gay.

We walked to Myeong-dong for some shopping. I knew he was after the PS4 and souvenirs, but I really couldn't see any electronics. I felt a bit guilty for selfishly looking for my own things, ie. a coat and a present for my dad. Ended up buying a coat for myself for $160 and a tie for my dad for $20. I had just enough money to buy both, before needing to withdraw more from the ATM.

It's probably a good time to say this - as silly as it sounds, I think it's a bit of a problem that I'm a cheapskate and don't shop much. Why? Because it means I don't realise what money can buy, and so instead, I only use my money for what I know it buys - gambling and sex. When I look at all these clothes, I realise there is so much more out there for me to buy, or at least to set as a goal, and much cheaper too.

Anyway, we did a lot of walking around, and I managed to get him to try the street food. I think he liked it, but was always just too scared to try as he wasn't sure how it worked. I got him to try the spicy meat on a stick lol.

We did more walking around before we settled at a restaurant. We ordered this big fry pan of fried rice for only $6 per person!!! Fucking incredible.

We got talking a bit, and found out another thing in common - we both have had ACL surgery on our right knees. He also told me that in Saudi Arabia you could have a maximum of four wives lol.

I bought a Poporo plush toy for Yuna after that, before we caught the subway back home. I must admit, it was a bit sad to part when it was my station. Despite me saying earlier I wanted to be alone, I really enjoyed having someone's company for the last couple of days. He said he felt the same way too, that being alone for a bit can be exciting, but then you just get too lonely.

We shook hands and said we'd contact each other on Wechat, before I got off the subway, and made my last trek home back to the hotel (and as per usual security procedures too, to check if anyone was in my room).

Maybe I'm just fantasising, but I feel ready to become a better person for the new year.

Hindsight thought

This really should've clicked back then, but you know why she came back to you in September right?

Because she broke her foot and needed help.

NYE in Seoul

Yesterday I decided I would check out a new ginseng market to get my mom more ginseng as requested, and also to check out the electronics market (hoping it wouldn't be closed this time).

I finally got to try that 'spicy chicken' fish shaped toast thing at a stand I pass a lot. I bought it and ate as I walked transferring from one subway to another. It was ok, but probably a bit too spicy for my liking. The drink I bought was some kind of corn drink, which was a bit ewww.

I got off at Hoehyeon station and went to the Namdaemun market. My first stop was a bakery surrounded by heaps of people. These two ladies were selling what looked like large buns and large dim sim shaped things. I wanted to buy one, but it seemed that people were buying boxes of them, so wasn't sure if they were selling them individually.

I walked on and starting looking for ginseng, checking out various stores. A lot of these stores were run by younger men, unlike the other market where it was mostly old women, which gave the impression that they were some sort of triads. My mom asked for one with 10 big ones inside, and the first one I found was $800, then $2000, and then $800 but the guy said he'd give it to me for $550.

I moved along to check out some others before deciding the last one would suffice. For some reason I got the figure 500 in my head, so when I went back I asked if he would sell it for $500. He said it was $550, then said he'd give it to me for $500 but made an annoyed gesture. Oops lol. Inadvertent bargaining lol. However, he even went to wrap it, gave me a free bag of lollies, and his wife (I think) even gave me a free cup of tea, which was really nice.

After that I walked around some more, ate some food from food stalls, before moving onto Yongsan. I saw a lot of bloody cameras, and very few phones. I stopped to eat at a Lotte fast food store, their shrimp burger was delish :) As I ate, I googled the best place to get a phone and so went off to the Gangbyeon Techno Mart.

I found the shopping centre where there was a floor full of phones. However, most people here seemed not as open to approaching me as in other shops. And when they did, they didn't have the S4 mini which I was looking for. I did find one but it was white, and later found another which was black. Both were quoted as $290. I reckon I could've bargained, but I thought $290 was pretty cheap already, so I got it. However, I wasn't paying attention and saw the lady open the box and the phone. Not sure what she was doing. Hmmm.

I then went to buy a pair of jeans, after what happened with the rashes. I didn't find the style I wanted, but figured the style I wanted (baggy with holes) was probably out of fashion anyway, so just went with a straight one. Can't see myself wearing slims lol.

When I initially got off at the station, I saw a sign for a Kiss Bang, so thought I'd go check it out. I thought it was ironic that I'd find one when I was least looking for it. I made my way up to the 6th floor of the building, and pushes the door open. The man said "no Karam, no" which I took to mean no foreigners. So that was the end of that little experience.

I went back to my hotel and took a bit of a nap, still unsure as to what I'd do for NYE. When I woke up, the thought of staying in my hotel room and 'reflecting' on everything that happened (read: Jin) did flash through my mind, but then I thought "for fuck's sakes, you're in Seoul, you may never come back here ever again, go the fuck out!"

And with that, I made my way out to the Han River for some fireworks. Pretty sure I got off at the wrong station (Ttukseom Resort), or at least the wrong part of the Han River, as the area was pretty much desserted. So I hopped back onto the subway and went to Seoul station, wanting to go to the shopping centre I saw last time.

I must've been mistaken, because this time it looked a whole lot smaller. I went to a frozen yoghurt place, as I hadn't had dessert in Seoul yet, so just for the sake of eating something sweet I went for it. The guy at the counter had to rub it in by asking if I wanted two spoons.

So I sat in there eating and googling where I should go next. That's when I decided I'd check out Times Square. But first I went to the store I saw before to get some presents for people. Ended up buying Mary a box, Geni a business card holder (figure I'll give their original presents to Brain or something), and soap for Alanna and Maria (who wasn't on my initial list).

I then went to Yeong-deungpo where I wandered the streets a bit. I stopped to eat at a food stall the spicy meat and soup thing, then wandered around some more. I eventually found the Times Square building and there seemed to be a bit going on there. I saw some tents set up and people posing in front of a large poster, and figured that people were just gonna hang around there for the fireworks.

But then I went further in and saw people going into the shopping mall. But they had to show wristbands, and I figured they were obtained from the tents. I lined up to buy one before I realised you couldn't buy one. I walked around a bit, and considered going home, but thought I'd hang around to see what would happen.

I saw a male foreigner asking a female foreigner something, and I guessed they had the same inquiries as me. I asked him if we could buy tickets, and the girl said we needed to register, and she had a form in her hand. The guy told me he was trying to buy a ticket as well and so we decided to work together on a plan as to how to get in.

I initially suggested sneaking our way in amongst a big group, as they didn't seem to look too closely for the wristband on people entering. However, by that time the amount of people going in were less, so more attention would be paid to us.

Some guy must've overheard us talking, as he offered us tickets for sale. I thought he was a scalper, but he told us he had a friend who wasn't coming, and only had one to sell. The guy I met (Adnan) said we needed two, and I was like, we better get one first and then work out later how to get another, so he allowed me to buy this one. I said I wouldn't go in without him and we started looking for others who were selling.

I approached one group of foreigners who weren't selling, and then I spotted a male and female couple with a bunch of tickets and suggested Adnan ask them. I was right. The girl had a few to sell but we only needed one. And so, our mission was accomplished.

We went to swap the tickets for wristbands, and then went in. It was like a large disco/club set up on the ground floor of the mall, jam packed with people. We went to the bathroom first, and then coming back out, I wanted to try this spin the wheel thing I spotted earlier. I won a free drink lol.

We found ourselves a nice spot relatively close to the stage and watched some performances and eventually the countdown. It was all pretty exciting. My first moments of 2014 in Seoul. This would be my new year. I had decided to move on from the Jin thing by getting a new number (hence the new phone). I also wanted to bounce back to my old self of just being basketball and work focussed. Throughout the day earlier I had experienced glimpses of motivation rushing through my body.

The other thing I want to do is to live for my parents. I think I've neglected them quite badly, by throwing away so much money. Margy once said to me "everything we do has consequences", which hit home to me. Going whoring and gambling, the underlying assumption was that I lived in a vacuum and this only affected me. But that wasn't true. There would be implications for my family and friends down the road, seen and unseen. So I have started trying to get into the habit of, before I spent money, asking myself, what does this achieve?

It is also another reason I decided not to expose Jin to her mother. I could very well easily leave a letter in her letterbox explaining everything. Yes, that might endanger me and I might be able to live with that threat, but what about my family? Did you ever think about that? What if people went to my house and threatened them?

Anyway, we left the place at about 12:30am. I was ready to call it a night, but he wanted to eat, so we took a taxi to Gangnum and found a Japanese restaurant there. Everything was still buzzing. Found out he was from Sweden, with a Saudi Arabian background and living in Malaysia. He was studying something IT related.

Seemed like a nice enough guy, told me he was 23, but looked my age with the facial hair. His English wasn't perfect, but we understood each other. Unlike me, he hadn't really learnt any Korean words. Guess he hadn't been having sex with Korean girls for years like me.

He did ask me why I chose Seoul. I was happy to tell him the truth, but started with saying it had to do with my ex-girlfriend, and he backed off, not wanting to intrude. So I thought I'd leave it at that.

We actually had some things in common - we had arrived on the same day and we would depart on the same day as well but different times. We were also staying in hotels somewhat close to each other.

We decided to meet up the next day as he wanted to go to some bridge. We both also needed to do some shopping. I went back to my hotel, expecting a barrage of texts about NYE, and probably even one from Jin.

Nope. On Kakao she changed her photo to fireworks at the Opera House, but it can be seen she took it from a tv, which didn't look like one in her house. I assume she was at work.