Disappointment...anger...sadness...
Do you remember that first night you went out with Erica? Do you remember thinking in the back of your mind that it was never going to happen, even as things unfolded?
Well I still had that feeling about Yuna. I guess it's a case of it hasn't happened until it has happened.
Last night at 9pm I sent her the following messages:
"Hey Yuna :)"
"can you meet me tomorrow at 5:45pm?"
"outside Madang restaurant?"
For a few reasons I woke up at 3am and spent the rest of the time tossing and turning. Thinking about Yuna's reply, thinking about getting back at Erica, thinking about how far behind I am in studying for the bar.
By the time I got out of bed the messages had been read, but no reply. I thought I'd give her more time.
At 12:19pm today, just before I left the office for lunch, I sent her more messages, "are you ok?" and "or busy tonight?"
They were read about an hour later, and still no reply. I decided to try one last time at 2:52pm, this time asking in Korean. Not read yet.
But as the clock ticked towards 5pm, it was getting pretty obvious. I started to feel down, and it hurt each time I checked the app to see if the messages had been read, or if there had been replies. Despite that, I still waited in my office, in my suit, until 5:30pm. Even after I changed, I knew I was willing to come back to change into my suit again if I was wrong the whole time and she ended up messaging me at 5:45pm. Part of me wanted to curl up in my office and cry.
Why couldn't she just say no? Or at least say she was busy?
Even as I went to Woolies, bought some wedges, and ate it as I went to the bus stop, I knew I'd force myself to eat dinner if she agreed to come out.
Although I said in my last post I wasn't ready to date again, for some reason being ignored made me want it more. Maybe it is an ego thing. Maybe it is an insecurity thing.
Even now, I have left my phone internet connection on, just in case she messages me.
But I know, it's not going to happen. I guess she said yes to be polite, or to keep me as a customer. I guess her messages were just to keep me as a customer. I just couldn't see past how her seeming innocence was lying to me. I really did think she wanted to come out with me.
It will be interesting, however, to see if she eventually replies, maybe with an excuse.
Well I still had that feeling about Yuna. I guess it's a case of it hasn't happened until it has happened.
Last night at 9pm I sent her the following messages:
"Hey Yuna :)"
"can you meet me tomorrow at 5:45pm?"
"outside Madang restaurant?"
For a few reasons I woke up at 3am and spent the rest of the time tossing and turning. Thinking about Yuna's reply, thinking about getting back at Erica, thinking about how far behind I am in studying for the bar.
By the time I got out of bed the messages had been read, but no reply. I thought I'd give her more time.
At 12:19pm today, just before I left the office for lunch, I sent her more messages, "are you ok?" and "or busy tonight?"
They were read about an hour later, and still no reply. I decided to try one last time at 2:52pm, this time asking in Korean. Not read yet.
But as the clock ticked towards 5pm, it was getting pretty obvious. I started to feel down, and it hurt each time I checked the app to see if the messages had been read, or if there had been replies. Despite that, I still waited in my office, in my suit, until 5:30pm. Even after I changed, I knew I was willing to come back to change into my suit again if I was wrong the whole time and she ended up messaging me at 5:45pm. Part of me wanted to curl up in my office and cry.
Why couldn't she just say no? Or at least say she was busy?
Even as I went to Woolies, bought some wedges, and ate it as I went to the bus stop, I knew I'd force myself to eat dinner if she agreed to come out.
Although I said in my last post I wasn't ready to date again, for some reason being ignored made me want it more. Maybe it is an ego thing. Maybe it is an insecurity thing.
Even now, I have left my phone internet connection on, just in case she messages me.
But I know, it's not going to happen. I guess she said yes to be polite, or to keep me as a customer. I guess her messages were just to keep me as a customer. I just couldn't see past how her seeming innocence was lying to me. I really did think she wanted to come out with me.
It will be interesting, however, to see if she eventually replies, maybe with an excuse.
posted by toey | 18:52
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