The return of Lilly!

I knew what I had to do today, but didn't really know what order to do them in.

I went for a jog in the morning at the park. Managed to go non-stop until the cafeteria. Didn't feel any pains in my knees at all, although that incision stretchy feeling was there at first. I did break a sweat getting there, and probably could've gone a bit further, but I didn't want to push my knees until I reached pain. I told myself to take this slowly. I'll try to go a little bit further next time.

I then headed home and got changed to meet A for swimming. Just as I walked into the building, he had walked out of the gym, lol, good timing. Even though we had just seen eachother yesterday, we still had lots to talk about.

The pool had more people than usual, mainly because water polo was on at the other end. We had to share a lane with some chick, which actually made us go faster because we took less and shorter breaks. All in all, we did 11 laps in like less than 30 minutes. I find that going once a week really isn't enough, it's like I'm just keeping in touch, whereas if I wanted to improve and get faster, I need to go at least twice a week.

We left after that and I went homt for a shower. I went to the gym to do my exercises, even though I didn't really feel like it. I felt like I needed a break from it, even if it was just one day. I went through it anyway, and then bought some chocolate strawberries from the fruit shop underneath.

Yes, I was going punting - Lilly or Sasa, either way I was going to share my chocolate strawberries. I drove home to put them in the fridge, hoping my mom and sister wouldn't discover them.

I headed back out to look for tyres, but all the places I tried were closed. No surprise. I then went to Bunnings to look for that small pin thing for my hooks in the office. The idiot Bruce didn't bring it and now cbf fixing it all to be the same length. I couldn't find them so I left, and went to the shopping centre near me.

I checked out the cinema times, and Saw 3D was on at 4:50pm, and 7:20pm. I wondered if I could make the 4:50pm session. I went looking for a white long sleeve top and a white belt, because my belt broke and there's a guy at the gym who looks really good in that top so I figured I'd copy him. I couldn't find either. Well, actually I found the belt, but there was no way I was gonna pay $70 for it.

I went back to my car and then gave the Lilly shop a call. I asked if she was working and was half expecting a 'no', so was surprised when he said yes. I booked her for 3pm for an hour. I drove off to the office to drop off my shirt and socks. I couldn't find a parking spot, and the clock was ticking. I had put some pressure on myself to get there on time. Who knows what would happen if I was late.

I eventually found one and had to rush because I didn't want to pay the parking ticket. They were re-doing the tiles at the front so I wasn't sure how I was going to get in, but fortunately the other sliding doors just automatically opened, lol. I rushed up the floor, put my shirt and socks in my cabinet, used the bathroom and rushed back to my car.

2:32pm.

I drove off to the suburb and got there about ten minutes early. I went to the ATM to get some cash out but it took ages, and I was fearing it'd take my money and spit out an error. It did give me an error, so I went to another one in the TAB. That didn't seem to work either, so I walked further up the road to the pub. THAT didn't work either, and I figured that machines at gambling venues just didn't allow you to use your credit card anymore, so I used my savings account.

Finally got the cash, but was so mentally strained just from those acts of desperation, plus the heat, and I wasn't really in the mood for it anymore. I actually wasn't really in the mood for it at all today, but don't know why I did it. Maybe it's a sign of addiction when you do something even though you don't feel like doing it.

I went to the shop, and saw that they have a new gate. Much more unfriendly and thicker. Also, Shuing had texted me inviting me to G's place. I probably would've been a good boy and gone, had I received that notice before booking the thing. So I turned him down.

The usual guy greeted me with a smile and let me in. I told the next guy who I had booked for and paid him. I sat in the waiting room and heard the guy tell Lilly she had a customer waiting. He then feigned a playful "fuck you" to her (I guess?) because she was doing it to him (I guess?). Moments later he told me to come out and she was there by the stairs.

Just like Naby, whenever I see her for the first time (even though this is only our third encounter) I ask myself why I picked her, because she's really not all that great looking. She walked up the stairs and occasionally looked back at me. When we got to the top, she said "long time no see". It did feel like a long time, even though we had just missed a week. I said "really?". She asked if I came last week, and the flirty me was saying "yes, I saw another girl" but I said "no".

I asked her where she went, trying to see if whatever answer she gave would fit in with the theory that she was at another shop, and she said she had six days off, and said something about how every month every girl gets six days off or something. She also said she celebrated her birthday on Oct 26. She said she went to Darling Harbour with her friend and drank Jack Daniels. I asked if she was 20, and she said she was 23.

I told her I had a present for her and she sounded very curious. I told her to close her eyes and she did, and put her hands in front of her face. I got out the chocolate strawberries from my bag and opened it. I put one to her mouth and she took a small bite of it, obviously surprised by it. When she saw what it was she took out her gum and took the strawberry from me and started eating more of it. She really really liked it. She said it was her first time and had never had anything like it before. I lied and told her I made it, and she gave a very interested "chincha?"

She taught me strawberry in Korean is "dai gee". I was watching her eating it, she seemed hungry but said she wasn't. Part of me enjoyed the fact that she liked it, but also another part of me felt that she was just like Naby in that she didn't think of sharing it - and then it happened. She reached out with it for me to take a bite.

Yes!! She shares!!!

She kissed me with closed lips and I could taste the chocolate. She said she liked strawberries and chocolate, and now they were combined.

She ate the second one as well, and by then I was thinking "ok, I didn't pay to watch you eat strawberries" so I told her to save the last one for tonight.

We showered, and I was kinda surprised that she didn't mention anything about my hair. Oh well. It was then that she kinda clicked about what she remembered of me - she pointed to areas of my face to see if I could remember the Korean names of them and she was impressed as I got them all right. I said I could go to Korea now and she laughed, saying I just knew these few words. I helped her dry off and then she helped me dry off. I was wanting to break the routine by hugging her from behind, but then we ended up doing the routine anyway as she kissed all over my back.

I turned around and saw that her breasts had returned to form from the first time. Very strange. They looked nice and perfect on the first occasion and now, but the second time they looked very average. She kissed all over again before starting on top of me. She leaned down and we kissed a couple of times, and that went on for a bit before we switched to doggy.

We finished that way, as I kinda wasn't really in the mood and just wanted to get the thing out of the way. We held eachother a bit before starting to talk. She sat up and had a cigarette as we talked. We talked mainly about birthdays, with her saying that she had two birthdays, and from what I could make out, it was due to the Chinese calendar and the Western calendar. Didn't really understand everything else she was saying. All I got from it was that her birthday is either Sep 16/19, or Oct 26. I told her my birthday was June.

She asked if I wanted a drink and I said ok, saying "secura" meaning sour, and she said that depending on the accent, it also means "shut up", lol. She spent a bit of time trying to get me to say it correctly.

I then taught her the names of each finger in English, and then she taught me the same in Korean. From what I can remember:

1. Thumb = umji
2. Index finger = cumji
3. Middle finger = cheung ji
4. Ring finger = Yak ji
5. Pinky = seki

Although "seki" was a bad word, something like "son of a bitch" or something, to go with "shiba seki". I said I'd test her next week and she said the same.

We talked about the dates again and she asked if my phone had a calendar. She passed me my phone and I switched it to calendar, but still did not really understand what she was trying to say. I then played noughts and crosses with her, and we drew a few games before I won one. She was brave in that she started exploring other games on my phone, and she started playing memory tester. She was actually doing alright, and I was impressed with how fast she could remember the sequences.

I thought about switching to camera and taking a photo, as we were both lying there on our tummies, but thought that she probably didn't feel that close with me yet. That break last week really killed us. If I had seen her last week, the bond today would've been much closer. Instead, I felt like today was more of a "catching up" kinda thing than relationship building. Oh well, maybe next week we can start again.

The buzzer went and she went to shower. I then went over thinking I'd shower myself but to my surprise she started cleaning me. I got dressed and watched as she cleaned up, making sure she got the last strawberry. This time she walked down the stairs first, and once down the bottom, seemed to walk out of sight of the two guys before turning around to say goodbye to me. I walked out, feeling somewhat refreshed.

It was then that I realised.

Shit, what if Naby had shown the chocolate strawberries to Nana? And what if Nana saw the one Lilly had? Would she tell Lilly I used to see Naby???

Great move mate.

I then went to Broadway to look for my top and belt, and also intending to watch Saw 3D. I did think about calling up G and Shuing to go to their place, but I just felt I really needed to re-charge by being alone.

I didn't buy anything other than the movie ticket and popcorn and coke. The prick must've thought it'd be funny to seat three strangers together. I sat down next to a geeky looking guy, and then this fat goth looking girl comes and tells me I'm in her seat. I checked, and I was. She tried to joke as she sat down, and we both just awkwardly laughed. Later on she moved down the seat in front for some reason.

The movie was actually pretty good. I already knew they were going to develop more of the past, but they also incorporated the future into it, which was mad cool. I didn't think the movie needed to be in 3D, that was kinda stupid. I really really loved the plot. I thought it'd be the same boring plot as the previous ones, but they came out with a few twists in this one. Also, the first trap was pretty interesting, given the scenario and having it in public.

After the movie, I went home, despite the casino being so close. Like I said, the voice spoke to me, but I chose not to listen.

High school reunion

Yesterday morning I went to the gym, got there at 7:20am deliberately and stiff they hadn't opened yet. But they opened in a few minutes so it was all good timing.

I did my exercises and then went to get a haircut. I was planning to shave my head and didn't see the sense in paying the normal price for a shave, so tried another place, but it was even more expensive! So in the end, I went back to good ol' Ben's and had my head shaved by him for $15. When I told him what I wanted, he suggested a one on the sides and three on the top, and while I thought it may have been a good idea, I insisted on a one all over.

And so, it all came off.

Part of me regrets it - the part that's thinking about how the boss and Wendy will react, but other parts of me quite like it. It's low maintenance, I got rid of that geeky/goofy/lost look, I'm wanting to see what reaction Sasa/Lilly will have, it's good for sports, and it's a change.

I drove home to drop off the car and then went to the courts. I felt so free! All due to the shaved head off course. I had my shirt off and shot around, mainly trying to get my free throw shooting back, and then trying some backing down moves in the post like I saw LBJ do on Pierce.

I went home to have a shower to get all the hair shavings off. I intended to go for a run later to test my knees, but was so tired from waking up early that I decided to rest a bit on my bed. Obviously, I fell asleep until I was woken up by a phone call. It was Shuing, asking me if I wanted him to pick me up.

What the??

I asked him if he wanted to go to the reunion together, and he said "I can come pick u up tomoro but u mite wanna leave with g or Malay coz I'm leavin at 5 tomoro". I took it to mean he was "working" late so he would be leaving home late, and that was fine, but why the hell the sudden change by calling me at 1:40pm?? I told him I already had A picking me up, which I'm sure he drew all sorts of conclusions from, but I was too sleepy and tired to care.

Anyway, that was enough of a wake up call (pun?) so I got changed and got ready. I went to the ATM to get some cash before seeing A's car pull up outside my place as I got back. I got into his car and we headed off. I'm always amazed at how we can just talk about anything and it gets interesting.

We found the place ok but had some trouble looking for a parking space. When we eventually parked, we went to the club and saw the group standing inside at some tables. I could barely make out the outline of Shuing and G because I didn't have my glasses on. They were talking to Tom V. A and I were greeted by Arma, then Rodney came over, then Love, and when I signed the book I was greeted by Tom V. It was good to see everyone all in one place, it was a bit overwhelming and I didn't know how to react to everyone.

We all eventually made our way out to the lawn bowls area, and everyone stood around talking for a while before Mase, Love and Nathan started playing. G, Shuing, Karl and I started playing as well. It was a lot harder than it looks on tv. We spent enough time trying to figure out which way the ball curves, lol.

I caught up a bit with the stupid Fijian (lol), Greekus, Grizzly, Semen, and wow, just so many people. One guy who I completely didn't recognise greeted me, and was I was thinking "who the hell?" It was only on the other side of the lawn that I asked G who that was. Later when someone said it was Otto's birthday, I asked if he was around, and turns out that was him! Far out he had put on a lot of weight. And so had Rodney and Robert.

Most guys there were married and some even had kids. It made me reflect on my own life, and I asked myself what the hell I was doing seeing prostitutes. Maybe I should grow up. But finding a wife isn't as easy as ordering a pizza.

Some people still looked the same, like the stupid Fijian, and Love. Others had put on a lot of weight. It made me feel good to know that I was still in shape, and probably the most active one there - but the trade off was that I was alone...

Finding out that Love had quit basketball made me think - when will it be my day to leave the game? I watched as he caught onto lawn bowls fairly quickly, and I realised that he just had that 'talent' for physical touch. Some people have it, some don't. He had a good sense of things in terms of sport. It's probably a waste for him not to be in another field.

I spent half the time playing the bowls and the other half talking to the guys. There were probably around 30 of us who had turned up. I was a bit disappointed in the people who were in the country but just decided not to come, with pissy weak excuses such as sickness (Egghead), aunty is in the country (Malay) and I can't remember what Schlong's excuse was. I mean, come on man, this is our 10 year reunion!!!

Cow brought along his two kids, which was good to see. He's changed so much, from a good guy to a bad boy and then back to a good guy. I reckon it's been quite a ride for him.

Towards the end when people were talking about leaving, I helped round everyone up for a group photo. Can't believe we were going to leave without a group photo!

Shuing wanted to leave together, and I was going with A, but Shuing got caught in a convo and so A and I left. We were heading towards Macca's and he asked if I wanted to eat, so we went there for a meal. I called G, but he said he was going to that social lice thing. I thought about calling Shuing, but then he'd probably want to drag it out to a two hour philosophical episode, and I wasn't sure if A was ready for that.

A and I talked about the reunion and about marketing, and then we left. When I was in his car, I remembered I had left my camera on the table! The school reunion photos! I quickly ran back to the table where there was this Indian guy sitting there, with the camera in his palm and the string securely attached to his wrist. I said that was my camera, and he handed it back, saying he was going to give it to the staff.

Yeah right!!!

I was so glad to get the camera back, could've lost all the photos!

A dropped me home where I just bummed around on the net before going to bed.

That voice...

"That's the devil in my ear I been sober a fuckin' year.
And that fucker still talks to me, he's all I can fuckin hear"
-- Deja Vu, Eminem

My mom left home at 6pm, to go to the club at Rockdale to gamble. That's going out into the cold, dark night for a train ride there and back, to gamble.

And that's what it's like - when you've got the thought in your head, you'd move heavens and mountains to get to a gambling venue. It's a drug you must have. I think Eminem summed it up soooo perfectly in those lines. It's a voice that keeps talking to you. You try to shut it out, or ignore it, and you succeed - but it comes back eventually. I remember assisting the list that Tuesday with Ben, there was a defendant with a gambling problem and the mag said that it was something that stayed with the person, even after 'recovery'. That really made me think.

It's like this virus is planted in my brain. I've had thoughts about gambling ever since my leg was good enough to walk properly again. The voice is always there, always looking for an opportunity to speak its mind.

Need money? Maybe you can go win some.

Look at that credit card debt of yours, you'll never pay it back this way. Just go to the casino, go once a week, win $25 each week, and you'll pay it back a lot faster. You've got control now, you can do it.

But I know that if I were to ever gamble again, and win, that it would start conquering my mind again. If I win, it won't be enough - I'd talk myself into going back for more. You can never have enough money.

I also tell myself, whenever that voice speaks, that if I were to gamble again, it'd break my three month drought. It's not much, but to get to three months again would take a lot of hard work.

I really hope that this voice will die one day.

The Gong

On Thursday I had to go to the Gong for court. I had left home early, but at the bus stop felt nature calling, and because I didn't want to ultimately risk it on a two hour train ride, I decided to go back upstairs to use the bathroom. By the time I went back down, I decided I'd probably miss my train if I waited for the bus, so I had to catch a taxi.

I made the train with about five minutes to spare, so I definitely wouldn't have made it if I had caught the bus. Good choice. I had told myself to read up on the matter on the train, but I was kinda tired so I just tried to sleep on the train. It had some really nice scenery, which made me want to live there by the waterside. I also turned my phone off because I forgot to charge it the night before, and figured no one would call me at this time.

When I got to the court house, I sat around waiting and turned my phone on. Don't know why, but I had a feeling I'd get a text message or something from Alanna - it seemed like we were used to being in contact with one another and now that I wasn't in the office, at least one of us missed the other. But maybe it's just me.

Sure enough, I got a voice mail message from her, asking me to give her a call. I called her and she said the boss had sent an email around with instructions, and she told me what they were.

The lawyer I was going up against had a real bad reputation for being rude and obnoxious, so I was mentally preparing for that. I didn't see her before court started, but I did meet my informant. He went to get two of his colleagues and I went into the courtroom. The lawyer I was going up against came in later, and I knew it was her the moment she slammed her suitcase onto the table. She even looked like a cow.

Our matters were mentioned and then stood down, so I waited. It was mentioned again, and I didn't get the adjournment so I had to withdraw. The cow asked for costs, and I argued against it, and she didn't get it. I walked out of the courtroom without having said a word to her, which I thought was pretty good.

I spoke to the informant and the two colleagues he had with him. One of them was an ex-cop, who had that "suspicious police" look ingrained into his face by years of working as a police officer. I reckon he could smell that I used to be a defence lawyer.

After that I parted with them and took a walk through the shopping centre. The shopping centre was nice, on the outside it looked bigger than it was on the inside, but I think that's because there was just a whole floor of parking.

I walked around once or twice and then decided to head back. On the way to the train station I stopped at a kebab shop to buy a chicken stick. It was ok, they never taste as good as they did in high school for some reason.

Luckily I didn't have to wait long for the train, I was afraid I'd have to wait an hour or something, but only waited about 20 minutes. I had taken the textbook Alanna had lent me for reading. She lent it to me because there was an article in it by the judge in my 'other' trial, but I took it with me because I started getting curious about what made her tick. It was interesting to read something that I knew she was reading. She seemed pretty into this stuff too.

I read it for about half an hour before putting it away and napping the rest of the trip. I got back to the office before 2pm I think, and was excited to tell Alanna about what had happened, even though I had already texted her the result. She was out at lunch, which disappointed me a bit. But I bumped into the boss and ended up telling her about what had happened. She was carrying her lunch and tea so we walked together, and that was the first time EVER I had been in the boss' room. I rememberthe vibe with the old boss was that he didn't want to be contacted about anything and we were to stay away from him at all times. Here I was, talking to my boss trying to not appreciate the spacious room and the good corner view.

However, it also marked my first LIE to the boss. She asked if I had told defence about something, and I said yes, even though I didn't say a word to the lawyer. I hope Yoshi didn't hear me, because that's what I told her when I first walked into the office.

Anyway, after that I went out to get lunch. I bought a Subway sandwich from the cinemas and walked back to the office. After crossing the lights near my office, Alanna caught up to me. She took me by surprise a bit, so my response was kinda like "ahooooooi...", lol.

We talked about what had happened, and given the lie I had already given to the boss, I had to be careful to tried to give a subdue version of it and move on. We went back to our offices and she said she wanted to talk to me about my files after lunch, so I was like yeah ok. Then I realised I had the office guy coming to move my shelf to Dugon's room.

So after lunch I went to Alanna's room to talk to her about my files, and then had the office guy come to take the shelf. We were moving it past Alanna's room when she said she wanted to speak to me, and I said I'd see her as soon as I finished, and I felt like she didn't like it that she couldn't get my attention or presence right when she wanted it.

Anyway, the guy took the hooks from Wendy's room, put the shelf into Dugon's room, then put up the hooks in my room before I went to see Alanna. I was a bit tired after that, being out at court and all, so didn't do much work apart from clearing some of the files ALanna had returned. Left work earlier than usual and went to the gym.

Yesterday was a pretty slow and restless day. I finished clearing up the files Alanna had returned, so I got 11 on the system, a bit disappointed I didn't get my 12, but like she said, it was a hard month and the boss has more important things to do this month than to worry about our numbers.

I tried to prepare for my hearing on Tuesday but small tasks kept me busy and I was so restless in the afternoon I couldn't wait till the afternoon tea at 4pm. Something kinda weird happened - the para Sarah came to my room to talk to me because she saw what uni I was from and told me she was studying at the same one. All this time I always thought she probably disliked me or disliked small talk because she'd ignore me in the photocopy room, but I noticed as she was talking she was always trying to hold up her face with her hands in a "I don't know what I should do with my hands" sort of way.

I had to see Alanna when she came back from lunch, and she told me she went to yum cha with the other SLOs. We got talking about mango pancakes and I said my sister really liked them, and she was like "oh do you have a sister?" and from thereon I probably appeared a bit defensive as I didn't like talking about my family, and I think she sensed it right away, because she was like "do you get along with her?" and then told me she didn't get along with her brother until she moved out.

I really should keep my mouth shut at the afternoon tea - the para Seana was talking to Ogre about taking her to Livy, and I was like "why do you wanna go there, it's full of..." and then Ogre said that Seana lived out there.

Yikes!

Needless to say, I felt a bit stupid after that, even though Seana had gone home for the day. I found myself with no one to talk to. The SLO's were in their SLO group. Karina wasn't around, Lewis went home after returning from court, and the girls were talking amongst themselves. I was the only guy there.

I ended up talking to Wendy about work, and I could sense all the SLOs looking at me and thinking "what the F is he doing talking to Wendy? Doesn't he know the hierarchy?", but hey, I had no one else to talk to man.

I went home some time after 5pm, was planning to watch Saw 3D but didn't have the car, so I walked to the gym from home, then caught a bus back. Spent the rest of the night watching the NBA I had recorded.

More Alanna...

Went to the gym in the morning as usual, and also did five minutes of the bike. I think I'll keep doing these exercises till I next see Jonathan, as I still have some trouble getting the leg straight on the first few reps of pressing knee against the wall.

At work I just worked on my hearing next Tuesday and then in the second half of the day prepared for tomorrow. For lunch I went out to get a sushi box to take back to the office, passed Lewis on the way back and bumped into this girl whose name I had forgotten. She's Asian and is from defence, we did a case together once. Anyway, she was expressing the same frustrations I had when I was with Nom, I reckon it'll only be a matter of time before she leaves her firm.

I had a lot of encounters with Alanna today, all because I had to ask her questions. Most notably was one time when I went in and she was drinking V. I said something about it and she said coffee doesn't keep her awake anymore, so she drinks V. She also said it was one of those days where she just didn't feel like working. I said "don't worry, only a few more days to go", and she laughed.

What? I wasn't trying to be funny. I just meant it would be the weekend soon.

She asked me if I ever had them and I said sometimes, when I leave work at 5pm, and she sarcastically said something about me leaving at 8am. While she took a sip of her drink, I noticed a bit dribbled out the side of her mouth and onto her chin. I looked at it and laughed. She tried not to laugh, and then rested her face in her hand to stop herself from laughing.

I thought that was one of 'those' moments. I swear, if there was a barometre to measure Alanna's interest in me I reckon it would've gone up slightly over the last couple of days.

Later in the day we talked about costs in her matter, and she was quite angry about hers and I think it was the first time I heard her swear, saying "fucking". She was asking me about LA and I referred her to their website, then I checked it out myself when I returned to my computer, and she called me and we were looking at the same thing. She thanked me for helping her, and that somehow made me feel good, even though it was just so normal.

Shit...am I having a crush on her??

I spent a bit of time after 5ish talking to Karina in the kitchen about our matters tomorrow. I left work at about 6:30pm and went home. I skipped gym because I have to wake up early tomorrow, but I taped the Boston v Miami game and Houston vs LA Lakers game. I swear, if anything will get me away from gambling and punting, it'll be basketball. Just watching how built everyone is makes me want to work on myself.

The Indigenous Awareness training

Got to the gym late today, which meant I got to work just at 9am. I ended up catching the same lift as that cunt Trent. He had come back from coffee with a few other girls. So pathetic. He was totally different! You could so tell he thought he was 'in' with the girls, so eager to please, yet so fucking rude to a guy. And you could tell the girls just treated him as a girl. Fucking pathetic. Disgusting.

When I got to my room I realised the training was on at 9am, not 9:30, so I quickly changed and went to level 8. I was late, and saw Alanna sitting next to Erin at the left end. There was a spare seat between Erin and Libby, but I sat down next to Alanna. I didn't want to say anything because I was already late, but she turned to me and said good morning.

We had to introduce ourselves, and I felt it was a bit like alcoholics anonymous, lol. It made me think that maybe I should go to some gambling counselling. I know I haven't gambled for more than three months now, but that voice keeps talking in my head. I do fear, however, that going to counselling will somehow make me gamble again, because it brings everything to the surface.

Anyway, to my surprise Alanna would at times turn to say something to me. I couldn't quite make out some of it, but just nodded and/or smiled. The consultant did a bit of a roleplay example where she said I was married to Alanna!!! She turned to say something to me but I didn't hear it. I could've made really flirty jokes right there and then but refrained. The consultant then said I had come out of jail and started drinking, and Alanna teased me about that as well.

We had a morning tea break, and Alanna and Erin went off somewhere. I made chit chat with the consultant and then Linda. Then I broke off and sat by myself reading the papers handed out. I was a bit afrad that Alanna would come and find me being anti-social, but eh. She and Erin returned and sat near me and we talked. I was a bit nervous because I don't really interact with Alanna outside of our rooms, so I felt like I had to be 'on' socially.

Found that Erin seemed to have a few go's at Rheem for not doing her work. Alanna kept quiet, which I admired. I find that she really refrains from bagging people. Erin was also telling me not to meet my targets, while Alanna told me not to listen to her.

We resumed after that, and then played a game like celebrity heads. The guy next to me had 'prostitute'.

How appropriate for me...

I told him "you like money and have no morals" and he said "am I a lawyer?" LOL!

Alanna's was pretty easy, and Erin got hers. So it was just me left. Mine was pretty hard but I somehow guessed it.

The whole session was pretty good, fairly educational and interesting. Glad I went to it.

I couldn't believe how long it took. When I returned to my office it was 12:30pm, so I went out to get some lunch. Got a Subway sandwich and ate it in my room, then did a few miscellaneous tasks before dealing with my hearing on Thursday, which will be pulled.

I went to talk to Alanna about it, and somehow we got talking about the gym. She showed me her right wrist where if she turned it, you could see her bone stick out. She said she was double jointed and asked if I could do what she was doing with her knee. I didn't look, mainly out of fear of being perceived as checking her out. But she insisted, so I stood up and looked over her desk, and she was manipulating her knee. It was kinda gross. Then she showed me how she could twist her arms way back behind her, which was even more gross. She kept laughing, and I kept trying to draw that line between not being too funny and not being rude, because I knew Lynette could hear us and god knows what type of talk she might be starting.

I worked till about 7pm tonight, left with Zena. She was on her way to a dance class. I caught the bus straight to the Wick for gym. After my normal knee exercises I did some weights. I also did the bike for five minutes, figure I might as well start oiling my knees up if I'm going to start jogging. I went to get Pringles after and had to run for the bus. I ran fairly fast with no problems at all, so that's good.

Punt vs quit

Since my physio started, today was the earliest I have ever gotten to the gym. I reckon I got there at about 6:10-6:20am. Took me long enough.

A few days ago I also noticed that where my scar is, the area has gone down a lot. It used to be a bump, but I guess Jonathan's massage really worked. The stretchy feeling around the incision area isn't as strong now, but it's still there. I still don't have that much flexion when I stand and bend my knee. There is a lot of tightness, especially at the back of my quads. It's starting to trouble me but I just tell myself it'll come with time.

I got to work at about 8:15am, made breakfast and started working. I find that I don't say good morning to Alanna when I pass her office, mainly because she always has her back turned. She sent me an email saying something like "I'm still not convinced you don't live here ;)", in reference to my start time. I'm always a little bit uneasy when I get emails like that, cause I don't want to be too friendly, and I don't want to be rude. I just replied with "ssshhhhh, Darrell is thinking of charging me rent!"

To be honest, she treats me fairly well. Actually that may be under-stating it. She treats me pretty damn good. She took a hearing off my hands today, which makes my next few weeks a bit easier. So why doesn't she have my full trust? Maybe it's because I don't know what her intentions are. Maybe she just did it to make it easier for me to get my targets, which reflects on her.

I went to talk to her in the afternoon, and she stretched back in her seat. I'm not sure if she notices, but my subconsciousness is drawn to her body whenever she does that.

I actually worked pretty damn hard today. Didn't go out for lunch, and managed to finish two briefs! Throughout the whole day, my mind was battling itself...

Just quit punting man, you could save sooooo much more money. Pay off your credit card first, and then you can resume these activities...

No way man, you gotta enjoy life. Like the cleaner said, we spend 2/3 of our lives working and sleeping, so when do we get to live life? Life is about experiences!

Well ok, maybe I'll just see Sasa. There's no way I can afford to see two girls.

But you had such a connection with Lilly! She was teaching you Korean! You can't just let her go!

Ok, maybe I can alternate between them each week...

Argh, this was killing me! Don't know how I got that much work done with all those noises in my head.

Also in the late afternoon, I started hearing music coming from Ogre's room. I thought it was kinda funny, but didn't give it much more thought than that. Then I heard the boss Wendy tell her to turn it off, lol. Then it was silence. I could just imagine what Ogre would be thinking.

I worked till about 7pm, then went to the gym nearby. So packed, couldn't even do my abs.

Sasa

I was pretty intent on getting some work done today, because I may actually not get my 12 this month. Grrrr the three hearings I have coming up. So I got up, had breakfast, and then got to work at a bit after 9am. My plan was to finish off the file I had worked on yesterday, maybe do the minute for the file Alanna returned, and then go see Lilly.

Midway through, my dad calls and tells me he busted the tyre. I call NRMA and get their assistance, and they're on their way. My dad kept calling me to call them for this and that, which started annoying me. I mean, they were on their way, there's not much else I could do.

I did finish off the file, and thought about doing the minute, but Malay started messaging me about catching up with G since he came back from China. I called G and organised lunch and for Malay to pick me up at 1pm. It was already 12:30 so I decided to go out for a walk, and look for chocolate strawberries. There has to be a place in the city that sells chocolate strawberries.

Even though meeting up with them would in effect mean no Lilly, I told myself it was the better thing to do. So Lilly could wait another week.

I walked around the block before waiting on the street across from my building. I swear I stood there for so long. People for some reason kept looking at me. One guy hit me with his umbrella, and I swear if I was in pissed off mode I would've attacked him. I thought about going to the Asian grocery store to get a can of chips, but didn't want Malay to arrive and not see me.

So, I waited. And waited. And waited. I waited so long, and it was so cold, that it was even noticeable to a group of girls passing by. One said "you look so lonely!", and another one hugged me. Like...she fully hugged me. She squeezed me harder than I think anyone has ever squeezed me. I didn't know what to do so I kept my hands in my pocket. Then they walked off. Lol.

Eventually I went to get a can of chips, and on my way back Malay called. He was there, and I found him parked nearby. I hadn't seen him for a few weeks now, since I started my boycott of organising anything for this group. There are too many bailers, I can't be fucked anymore.

He told me he was stuck on a street, that was why he was late. He has this knack for going in and around small streets, as if they were shortcuts. I just stick to the main roads.

On our way there, G called (probably because we were late), and I asked him where he was. He said Easyway, and I asked if there was one at the shopping centre near us. He said he was at Chinksford, which was where Malay and I were at that time, so all we had to do was find a parking spot.

We found G standing at the entrance to Easyway. I offered him the can of chips, and he gave us some key rings he had brought back from China as gifts. That took me by surprise. I think he's finally learning about not being a cheapskate amongst your friends.

Malay and I went to the ATM while G went back to his car to get me the cufflinks. We met back up near the bank and decided to try a new Indonesian restaurant across the street. The food was ok, but I was actually quite interested in hearing G's stories about Taiwan and Shanghai. He wasn't very articulate, or he wasn't very well prepared, or maybe he really did have a lot of boring times spent with his family and relatives.

We talked about Shuing a bit, about how much he's changed. Apparently G met with him and James yesterday. They're doing sports betting together, which is a worry. I wonder why Shuing didn't drag Malay and I out to that yesterday.

Malay wanted to get a coffee after but he could tell I was full from the meal and the drink I had. We went for a walk and ended up at Easyway. They bought some drinks but I didn't, mainly because I had no money, and also because I had just had a similar drink.

We talked about going away for a weekend. Malay didn't want to go as far as the Gold Coast like Brain suggested. G didn't seem like he wanted to come at all. I was half up for it. We again talked about Shuing, and whether we should do any 'intervention'. The thing is, I know it would never work. He's too defensive, he's not open to ideas. It would have to be a very, very subtle and cleverly worded suggestion. None of us are that tactful.

Towards the end of our 'session', my mind started wandering off. I found myself glancing at G's watch for the time.

Maybe I can see Lilly after this?

Now I wanted an exit. When conversation went dry and they had finished their drinks, I said we should go. And we did. Malay drove me home, and I quickly got onto my laptop to check the bus time tables. It'd have to be a visit with no chocolate strawberries. I found that the next bus would come in 15 minutes. I called up the shop. This was exciting. This was thrilling. This was exhilirating.

After a lot of rings, the usual guy picked up. I asked if Lilly was working today, and he said day off.

Oh...

Two days off?

I decided that she was either sick, or she had gone to work for their 'sister shop', which is a massage place in the city. I decided to check it out, since I had never been there. My mind had gone to this length. It was desperation now.

I caught a bus out and checked out the place. This exploring was kinda fun in a novel way. It was raining lightly, but I didn't care. I trodded around and found the unfriendly looking gates. Problem was, there were a couple of bums sitting right opposite the place, and I was too embarassed to check it out up close. I mean, if there were no bells, I'd be standing there like a fool. I walked around once more to see if they'd go, but they didn't. I decided my reputation (even though I didn't know them) wasn't worth it, so I decided to go to another shop - one that John had taken library guy and me to a while ago.

I went in and was greeted by a friendly Asian guy who showed me to the waiting room. I was shown three girls, one by one. As soon as I saw the first girl, I knew it'd be her. The third girl was alright. But for whatever reason, when the guy asked me, I picked the third girl - Sasa.

The door was closed on me for a while and I heard another guy come in and was shown the girls in another room. I listened for the name Sasa to see if there were any dodgy dealings. There wasn't. After a few moments there was a knock on the door and Sasa opened it. She looked a bit different to that in the line up...a bit older. I asked her where the bathroom was and she showed me one on our way to the room. I used it and another girl came in while I was urinating, which was kinda funny. When she realised I was in there she quickly left.

We went to a room which seemed like at the back of the building. We made small chit chat, like her saying it was cold. I asked her for her name again because I had forgotten, She said it was "Sasa" but the guy pronounced it wrong. I thought it was Sasha.

I wasn't sure about the 'routine' of this place, so I was a little bit hesitant. We went into the shower and I grabbed one of her small boobs playfully, which made her laugh. She had earlier said that she missed her family and younger sister. Somehow we got to me asking if she had a boyfriend. She said she did in Korea, but he went for another girl, so she no longer trusts guys. I asked if she trusted me and she just smiled, not knowing how to answer.

Her English was actually pretty good, a lot better than Lilly's, even though she said she wanted to enrol in a course to learn English. Towards the end of the shower, she asked if I smoked and I said no. She asked if I minded her smoking and I said no.

So we sat on the bed and she started smoking, She was rubbing my leg as we talked. She asked me where I was from and my age. I asked her to guess. She said I wasn't Chinese and that I was 28. Found out she's 25 and has been here since 4 September. She pointed to a mole and I said "chum" and she was very surprised I knew Korean, lol. After a while, she attended to some other stuff and I didn't want to feel like a dork sitting there naked so I just laid on the bed. It may have been a bigger step for me than it seems - I was finally able to relax, instead of always being on guard.

She climbed onto the bed and started kissing my body. She kissed me on the lips softly, and I said "bubu" which made her laugh. She took her time kissing everywhere and when she sat on me I started sucking on her breasts and fingering her. I was surprised she allowed me, as I don't think I have gone that far with any of the other girls. She wasn't wet at first, but she got wet soon after more massaging from me.

After a while, she asked if I was ready. She grabbed a condom and we started having sex. We then changed position with me on top. I felt that in terms of sexual chemistry, it was lower than with Lilly. But she seemed to be pretty into it. The only disturbing thing was she kinda looked like my cousin Cathy. It was actually all a little disturbing.

It took a while for me to finish, but it was really really hot steamy sex. We kissed a few times and our bodies were so hot and sticky together. The bond seemed to be there.

After that I laid back on the bed and she snuggled up next to me, quite close, resting her head on my chest and her legs and hips on my body. At first we just laid there without talking as I held her, but then I pointed out to her the parts of the face I knew in Korean. She seemed fairly impressed, and asked me where I learnt it. I wasn't prepared for that, and said a girl. She asked me if it was my girlfriend and I gave a "maybe" hand gesture. I said she went back to Korea and never came back. I wonder if she knew that meant she was a WL.

She started teaching me a few words in Korean as well. She had asked earlier (when we were sitting and she was smoking) if I was married, and I showed her my hands and she noted there were no rings. I wonder why they ask if I'm married but don't ask if I have a girlfriend.

She asked me what I worked as and I told her. She taught me that law in Korean is 'pob'. She also taught me "lawyer" but I've forgotten. She also said her sister was studying law, and seemed quite proud of her, although she failed her last exam and has one coming up in February.

I taught her the names of each finger, and also some other body parts, like the throat and Adam's apple. I told her in Thailand a lot of girls had it and she laughed, knowing what I meant. She could say "transgender". I said her English was better than mine and she should teach me, which made her laugh.

She rubbed my arm pit and I said "arm pit" and she said "smelly" and I playfully rolled on top of her and smelled her arm pit.

I said she was beautiful and she said "no". The buzzer went and we kissed and laid like that for a while before I asked her if she wanted to shower first. She said I should go first because she needed to clean up the bed. On my way to the shower, she asked if I was going home and I said yes. I asked her the same (knowing she wasn't) and she said she had to work, and playfully asked me to take her with me. So I showered, and she asked me if law was hard. I said it was easy to be a bad lawyer which made her laugh.

After she showered and was changing, I asked when her day off was and she said it always changed. I said I'd come back to learn more Korean and I'd teach her English, because I wanted to learn how to teach English. She told me to call to book, just to check she was working, because she wasn't allowed to meet outside of the shop. I got the hint, but I also brushed it aside as BS. I reckon if we got to know eachother better that might change. We'll see.

I asked her if she had dinner and she said she had a late lunch. I asked if she went out and she said she ate inside. She said she could cook and I said she could cook for me. She asked where and I said here, which made her laugh.

We walked out and I wasn't sure where we would part, but when she stopped, we kissed and I knew that was as far as she'd go, so I walked the rest of the way out.

Satisfied, I walked in the rain back to the bus stop. Lilly no longer held the same importance now.

No Lilly :(

On Friday morning I was half conscious in the early morning and got up when the alarm went off. I got up to turn it off, then went back to bed, telling myself (as usual) that I'd just lie down for a few more minutes. I think I was starting to drift off to sleep, when I heard a 'buzz' kinda sound in my right ear. It was a bit like a record or CD skipping. I don't know where it came from or what caused it, but it was like it was made to get me out of bed. Weird.

I got ready and left home at about 6:20am. It was nice to drive the company car, that was probably one of the perks of doing a list. I was pretty alright when I left home, but after I got onto the freeway I felt nature call. I probably could've made it all the way there, but for safety sake (I've learned to never take chances with these things) I stopped at a Macca's on the way to use the bathroom. I continued my journey and made it there at about 8:30am.

I walked around the block before returning to the car to rest my eyes. The trip had really tired me out. I was tired, yet nervous about the list. Nervous about missing something, nervous about not knowing what might happen.

At 9am I dragged the extremely heavy trolley (maybe the boss had a point, but I reckon so did I) into the court building, only to sit around and wait for another 40 minutes before the courtroom opened. I walked in and set myself up. To my surprise, only one lawyer came to me asking for something. I would've thought I was in the wrong room if I hadn't of earlier asked the cofficer whether this was the right room.

Everything turned out to be ok. The mag was pretty cruisy. There was only one breach matter which caused a bit of trouble. I knew it was trouble because the instruction sheet was like six pages long and it was to correct something rather trivial. That's one thing I hate about this office, they're too pedantic.

At morning tea I had to call Alanna with a question I had. It was like:

Me: Hey it's me, how are you?

Her: Goooooood... [in a suspicious tone]

Hehe. I asked her the question, she called the breach guy up and then called me back. The girl doing the LA list also came to talk to me a bit. Turns out she's only been there for a few weeks.

I finished the list before lunch, so decided to take my time getting back. I went into a conference room to write up most of the files, then put the suitcase in the car and went to get a Subway sandwich. I filled up the car with petrol and then started the drive back. Don't know why, but the drive back always seems shorter than the drive there.

I reckon I got to the office after 3:30pm. Erin came to ask me if I was crazy for coming back. I said Alanna would give me an early mark if I came back. She said not coming back was the early mark, lol.

I was going to talk to Alanna about my day, but saw Erin in there with her, so decided to return the car keys first. When I came back, I decided to check again. Still talking. When she was finally free, I went to see her and she told me not to wear my tag when walking because it sounds like I'm Wendy, lol.

Anyway, I told her about the day, just a couple of stories, nothing really exciting. I found myself at the end with nothing to say. When I got up to leave she told me ehr heel had broken, and stood up. I noticed the dress she was wearing was quite nice with a ribbon on the back. She is quite a fancy dresser. She turned around and lifted one leg up to show me. I was a bit like "errr...this is approaching inappropriate display" and just awkwardly commented on her shoes.

I went to talk to Karina, and ended up talking for longer than I intended. We ended up talking about exercises in the gym and diets. She got down on the floor to show me what planks were, and I was hoping to god that the boss or Lynette didn't walk pass.

I went with her to look for Turk, didn't find her but ended up in a group convo with Zena and Dugon. Lewis mentioned that he didn't have Word, so I told him to download it. He said he needed a code, and I said torrent, and Zena laughed about how I had suggested something illegal. I then somehow made a stupid joke about me downloading movies, which wasn't exactly true since I don't have the cap space to download movies regularly.

Apparently there was a farewell drinks for Kim at a bar, but I didn't go, citing gym as the reason. I actually did end up going to the gym, saw that girl there with a couple of guys trying to chat her up, which for some reason made me upset and work out harder. I had walked to the gym and walked back home, mainly to save a bus ticket, but also I guess it was to test my left knee. It survived the walk.

Today I went to the park for a jog. I didn't set a goal, except to try to get enough momentum to break a sweat. My main goal was to see if my knee/s would hold up. When I first started, my right knee started feeling a bit uncomfortable after a few minutes, so I started walking. When I got to the cafeteria I started jogging again, and my right knee was fine, but I felt my left knee starting to get that all too familiar jingle, signally inflammation. I walked, and then started jogging later, only to feel a stronger jingle this time, so I walked the rest of the way.

I wasn't sure the first time, but the second jingle really confirmed it for me - I had aggravated my left knee. This comeback had started too soon. Maybe a week too soon. I guess sometimes being lazy has its downside. I wondered if I'd be able to see Lilly today, because if my knee started hurting, there'd be no way I could take those stairs. But I knew, with a bit of rest my knee would 'reset'.

I went home, had breakfast and then washed the car. I had a shower and then drove out to the office to do some work. There is a girl with a sticker in her office and I've always wondered what it said, so I took a quick peek. It said "fruit", which I guess is a reminder to eat fruit. As I headed back to my room, I heard a door close.

Shit. Had someone just come in and seen me walk into that girl's room?

I went back to my office before deciding to check it out. I saw a girl sitting in Turk's room. I then went back to my room and saw Turk there. She said she had come in to do some work and brought her sister in. She whinged about Erin for a bit before we split to do our work. I finished writing up the list files and then resumed work on a brief.

Turk left at about 1-ish My plan was this:

I'd call up the place and make a booking for Lilly. I'd go buy some chocolate strawberries and once we got into the room, I'd ask her to close her eyes and feed one to her. We'd make sweet sweet love and then I'd hold her until time was up. Then I might catch a movie.

This is what happened: I called up and was told it was her day off. I repeated "day off?", shocked and surprised. I was extremely disappointed. I guess I shouldn't expect things like this because the fall from expectation is so great. I was left with "now what?"

I went into a bit of panic mode. I was convinced I needed to punt, somewhere, anywhere. I went to look for chocolate strawberries for netx time, but couldn't find them anyway. I went to my car and called up the massage place. Hana was still not back yet. That made me even more sad.

It was even worse given that I had taken the car from my dad for the day. As if it wasn't bad enough that I only wanted it for punting, but now it turns out I didn't need it at all!

I thought about going to another place before deciding to just go to the gym and go for a swim. I had the usual thoughts about Lilly: was she sick? Did she just want a day out for fun? It felt like a personal attack on me, but of course, that was silly. I don't think she would've known I'd be there today, and I don't think she knows of my 'plan' to see her every Saturday at 3pm.

I went to a take away store near my home to get some lunch. It started raining just as I was heading back to my car. I rushed to get it back safely into my garage. I managed to get it in with a few drops on it, but mainly it was ok. I headed up the stairs with my chicken and chips when I saw my mom who asked me to drive her to the laundromat.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

So I took the car back out, got it totally smashed by the rain, not to mention my food getting colder, to drive her there.

I eventually made it back home to have my lunch while watching tv.

I bummed around at home before going for a swim. Got to the pool at close to 7pm. I managed to find one empty lane, which was perfect. There were two guys in my usual lane number 8, just standing there talking. After I did a lap, a guy jumped in and started paddling with a board. He was going soooooooo slow.

Are you serious?

I had to wait for him to get close to coming back to me before I could go, and when I passed him he had to stop. So I did a few laps like that - one lap at a time, and when I completed one I had to wait for him to almost come back before I went again. I didn't mind, I was patient with him because he obviously wasn't a very good swimmer, but I wondered why he didn't go into a slow lane.

After a while he left, and I was free to do my stuff. Then another guy came in, who seemed to enjoy resting at each end. Then he left and I had the lane to myself again. I did 15 laps in total before leaving at about 7:30pm.

I went to get some bread, orange juice and chips for the classic of Pistons vs Cavs shown on One. Great game.

I think I might go into work tomorrow, and maybe even see if Lilly is on.

Muddled thoughts...

On Monday while I was getting ready for work, I was pretty sure I had my pair of shoes in the office. I checked underneath the sofa and couldn't see them, so they must've been at work. When I got to work, everything was there in my cupboard except my shoes.

Shit.

I had three options:

1. Remain in street clothes.

2. Wear my work clothes with sneakers.

3. Go home to get my shoes.

Or, alternatively, I could just go buy a cheap pair. That, I did. I quickly rushed out to the cheap shoe store next to Macca's and bought a pair for $50. I originally had a pair for $80 until I saw the cheaper pair. On my way back to the office, it struck me: my shoes were in the CHANGE ROOM!

Sure enough, when I got back to the office, my shoes were under the bench in the change room. Great waste of money.

While I was in the lifts, this lady introduced herself to me and said she also worked for the same company, that she was on level 12 but had forgotten her card, and so asked me to buzz her up. I did that, and she thanked me and said something like "what a start to Monday". I said "hey, I left my shoes at home and had to buy a new pair" and displayed my shoebox. I just thought that was a very Hollywood/romatic-esque type of introduction. Too bad she's like 20 years older than me.

A day or two after that, she called my phone, but hung up after one ring. Wonder what she wanted.

Oh, and also, when I went out to get my shoes, I caught the lift with Lisa, who farted as she walked into the lift. She excused herself, but I could just imagine how terribly embarassing that was for her. I was too busy trying to ignore it and be empathetic to find it even remotely funny. Goddamn, that's like my worst nightmare.

I can't really remember what happened on Wednesday and Thursday, but I feel like I've slowly getting back in touch with Alanna after she returned from leave. I think I got used to work without her, so when she came back it was a bit different and I needed to adjust. We share some funny emails and articles about judges. I still do not know whether she's genuinely friendly or if she has an ulterior motive. Maybe she thinks I have all these defence connections that may prove useful when she goes to the bar?

Today, I had some dim sim for lunch, and I gave one prawn dumpling to Alanna. She was pretty grateful, I just feared she would reject it out of "dieting" (which is silly). Lynette saw it, and I wondered if it was a good thing or bad thing. It was good in that it showed I was friendly to women other than Karina, but bad in that she may think I was trying to hit on Alanna.

I've got the Toronto list tomorrow, so drove home today and didn't go to the gym because I want to sleep early (although I have been going to gym morning and night thus far this week). As I was sitting in my office at 6pm packing, the boss walks by and asks why I'm not taking just the folder. I stupidly said I liked to prepare for everything, which in hindsight meant I was going against her, but in reality I had just forgotten that we were switching to the folder. She asked if anyone asked me and I said no, so I guess that explained it too.

But yeah, I couldn't help but feel I had said the wrong thing. God, why can't she just leave me alone. The distance between boss and me is too close, I need a buffer.

This week I haven't been able to get my mind of Lilly. I keep trying to plan for it, financially. On Tuesday I realised that one of the ladies who is away on maternity leave is an SLO, which meant it'd be that much longer before a position became available. It suddenly made me angry, and impatient.

What the hell was I doing this for if there's no future in sight?

I thought about looking for other jobs. I think as time passed, I realised I just needed to be patient.

The quote that "men need sex to feel loved, women need to feel loved to have sex" is so true (on my side anyway). I'm sure it's just the chemicals in my brain, but when I'm with Lilly I feel so much intimacy. The kissing just heightens everything, and it almost seems genuine.

But I keep telling myself just to have fun right now, instead of doing something stupid and acting all serious and scaring her away. Just have fun, enjoy yourself.

On the flip side, I've been wondering whether this is all too 'early'. I still feel the bond between Naby and I. It somehow feels wrong. I often ask myself, if Naby came back, who would you choose? Morally I think I'd choose Naby. This side of me thinks I should've let more time pass before starting this thing again. Muddled thoughts indeed.

I've also come to the conclusion that this is probably what works best for me (provided I can afford it). Pay for a girl once a week, you get what you want, and you don't have to go through all that heart break, the guess work, and the usual trouble that comes with a girlfriend. Also, you may also be better off financially in the long run, meaning no expensive divorce. It's sad to think that I may never get married, but I guess I've just turned out this way, and I think the world has a lot to do with it.

What still irks me is the experience with Elleon and Claire. I paid for all that and got nothing, which just makes me grrrr.

Bowling with William and co

I got to the harbour about 10 minutes late, but no one called me so I figured I was ok. When I got to the bowling place, I walked straight past Eva cause I didn't have my glasses on and the darkness inside contrasted with the brightness outside made it harder.

I cautiously walked around before William called out to me. We walked back to the front where I saw Eva sitting with a friend, and I was introduced to the people there. Most of them were girls, and there was another guy called Ross. Eva had brought along a colleague called Susan. I didn't really see any 'potentials' there, but thought it was good to meet new people anyway.

I had to call Ele cause she was late but she wasn't answering. Apparently Michael L would come later as well. Anyway, we signed up, paid and got our bowling shoes. I ended up on an alley with Ross, Susan, Lucy, Linda and Eva.

Ele arrived later with her husband and were on the alley next to us. The bowling was ok. I wasn't exactly all there, thinking about Lilly a lot of the time. I thought about how this could be a place I could take her to. In between those thoughts, I had Linda, Eva and Ele constantly trying to talk to me. I think I was a bit playful with Ele, suggesting her to bowl with her eyes closed, left handed and stuff. Maybe I just paid more attention to her than to the others.

My 'radar' seemed to suggest Susan may have had a bit of interest in me. She would talk to me and ask questions about me. About half the time though, I sat near the front next to Lucy, who didn't talk much. I couldn't help but get a bit competitive in the game, but didn't come first in either of the games we played.

After the games, we went to the pool tables to play a few games. Lucy left, and so did two other girls - or so I thought. I was a bit pessimistic, thinking they left cause they didn't find any of the guys attractive, but the two actually came back, maybe they had just gone to the bathroom or something.

I played a few pool games teaming up with Eva against Ben and Susan. Later on Ben teamed up with one of the other girls, who probably would've been my top option if I was forced to choose. I could feel she may have been a little interested as well, laughing at stuff I did and said.

After the first game I went to buy some wedges cause I was starving. I shared it around and everyone thanked me. When I went to the bathroom, I passed the skill tester machines on the way back and decided to have a go. I lost the first try, but decided to try again. I got a medium sized toy, and I didn't know who to give it to. It would've been too premature to give it to any of the girls I had just met, so I gave it to Eva. All the girls seemed to express envy. I could picture Michael L taking his frustrations out on Eva in a sexual way.

After that we headed off to dinner. On the way there I found out that many would not be going. The girl who showed a bit of interest at the pool table wasn't going, and I think I had bored her to death by the normal routine conversations of "so what do you do?"

Linda wasn't going, Michael L and Eva weren't going, and Eva's colleague wasn't going. I told myself not to go, wanting to save some money and to also get home to set up the new DVD recorder. But I couldn't bring myself to say no. So William, Ross, Matt, and this short girl and I went to dinner. Apparently we were supposed to meet two of William's friends there.

They were two girls waiting for us outside the restaurant. One looked like a skank, but her friend was kinda cute. Anyway, we paid and then went upstairs. We were told we only had 90 minutes, and then we read the sign saying that if there was food leftover, we'd be charged $15 PER PERSON!

So Matt funnily quickly got up and went down to get the food. I wasn't exactly looking forward to the stairs, and hoped my left knee would hold up. Luckily, it did. The guys went downstairs to get the meat and the girls apparently got some other types of food from upstairs.

I was seated on the outside, next to Ross and opposite Matt, so pretty much as far away from the girls as can be. But it was probably a good thing, cause they were speaking Mandarin all the time, and I didn't have a clue as to what was going on.

William asked me if I was going to drink, and I said no. But then when they were figuring out how much to pay for the wine, I chipped in and said I'd drink, not wanting to feel left out. As soon as I took my first sip of the red wine, I felt a headache and my face slightly going red. My plan was to take small sips throughout dinner and finish it that way. I'd take small sips, followed by large gulps of water.

So I spent my time cooking the meat on the barbeque, just kinda enjoying being alone amongst others, but would also steal glances at the cute chick. I was hoping for some eye contact but never got it.

Towards the end was the funny bit. Everyone had stopped eating but there was still a fair bit of meat left, so Matt and I were trying to finish it to avoid the $15 per person charge. We were both laughing and eating. Sometimes I'd look at him and kinda laughed to myself as he had his head down chewing away. We seemed to form some sort of bond that way.

When we finished, William wanted to go to karaoke. I was definitely out, knowing I had work the next day. Matt was out too, saying he had to pick up his mom. Ross asked him repeatedly what he had to do, and it was sooo funny cause it was such an uncool thing to say, lol. I couldn't help laughing.

I noticed that the cute girl had really, really ugly teeth. Wow.

We took a photo before Matt and I left the group. We walked to the traffic lights together and I found out he works for a local government, which is kinda rare given that he's Asian.

We parted ways and I caught the bus home, kinda relieved and looking forward to going home to set up the DVD recorder.

PVR

After seeing Lilly, I caught a bus back to the city and went to Broadway DSE. I wanted to get something to record the NBA games they were going to show on tv. I asked one guy, and he just said "yeah, but they're a bit expensive". Another guy who overheard us said he would help me after he put some stuff away.

Clever guy.

He showed me a PVR for $300, which I ended up buying. It was $100 more than I had planned to spend, but eh. Not having the car, I had to carry it all the way to the bus stop and home.

I installed it when I got home and everything worked fine, except one thing: you could not transfer the saved stuff from the HDD to usb or anything else. It had 500GB and when you ran outta space, you just had to delete stuff. That wasn't what I wanted. My plan is to record every NBA game they're going to show on One. I thought about returning it, but then didn't want the trouble, and thought I'd just use it to store really really important games.

On Sunday morning I went to the courts for a quick shootaround for about 30 minutes. It felt so good. My left knee still hadn't fully recovered yet, but I could jump around a bit. I instinctively found myself trying to protect my left knee. My right knee seemed fine, except the stretchy feeling around the incision area.

I then went home to change and met A at the pool. I got there a bit early so I bought 10 more visits. When he came we talked about the school reunion, and he told me about an incident at work where he implied his boss was a "suicidal neighbour", lol. I told him about my PVR purchase, and he said I can record and transfer stuff with a DVD recorder, and he insisted I take it back.

We did 11 laps, but having skipped the mid-week session, I found it a bit harder cardio-wise.

After that I went home, had a shower and had breakfast, and then decided to take the thing back for exchange. A was enough to push me.

So I went back to the shop and had another guy help me out. He was really helpful, but he said the only thing that could do what I wanted to do cost $699. I asked him to show it to me and I took a look at the other stuff while he went looking out the back. When he came back, I asked him what another machine that cost $399 did. He said it would do what I wanted, but for some reason it didn't come up on the machine.

Suuuuuure...

So I ended up getting that, but the downside is that it only records SD, not HD. It was only until I got home that I noticed the difference in quality.

So anyway, I carried it home again, and this one didn't even have a handle. By the time I got home, it was time to go out again. As I walked down the stairs, there was incredible pain in my left knee, causing me to stop for a few moments. I thought about cancelling, but then figured I could muster the rest of the stairs.

Learning Korean with Lilly

This morning I went to the gym. I left just after 7ish, betting on that they wouldn't even be open by 7am, and I was right. I got there at about 7:20am and people were lined up outside. I can't believe this happens every week.

Anyway, I did my stuff, still not doing any of the exercises which might aggravate my left knee. Instead of balancing on one knee I'm balancing on that half circle floppy swingy thing.

I went home, had breakfast and then went to the office. That Adam guy was already there. I just worked on a brief, got halfway through before deciding it would be better to do the next bit in one flow to the finish, so I went out to get a bottle of water and some snack before heading back and calling up the shop. I had decided to see Lilly, despite not having the car today. I figured I would just catch the bus. I had assumed that I could do with her what I did with Naby - see her every Saturday when she started at 3pm. But maybe she doesn't start at 3? What if she started earlier or later?

Anyways, I called and asked and was told she starts at 3pm, so I booked for that time.

I went to a bus stop I had never been to before, waiting for a bus I had never caught before. It took a while before I got on a different bus that went to around the same place. I got off where the road splits and walked the rest of the way. I had time, so occasionally I would stop to check out a shop. One shop sold used clothes from the UK or something, and I found a waistcoat which seems to match with one of my suits, so I might go back there to get it. For only $20, it was a pretty good deal.

Anyway, I got to the shop and went in. I went to the waiting room and the guy was about to show me the line up before I said I had made a booking. One girl started walking in, thinking it was a line up, before he ushered her out. She seemed quite pretty, in the innocent sense, definitely not someone you'd think would work in a shop like this.

The guy asked me who I booked for and I told him, then paid him. I went to the bathroom and then waited in the waiting room for close to ten minutes before I was called.

I went out to see Lilly standing at the bottom of the stairs, wearing a black dress. For a split second, I did not recognise her face. I guess it was because this was only the second time I saw her. But then my mind was like "ohh yeah, now I remember her".

She walked up the stairs first, and when we got to the top she seemed to hurry into the room, before I had even finished the stairs.

Maybe she's in a bad mood? Or maybe she doesn't like me?

As I headed to the room, another girl nearly bumped into me.

I went into the room and she seemed friendlier. I asked her if she remembered me and she said yes. I asked her what my name was, which made her laugh, because she had obviously forgotten. I decided not to tell for a while before telling her, and she repeated it.

She went out to get some towels and came back. The shower was as usual, although no listerine this time. She asked me what time I got there and I said 3pm, and she asked me how I knew what time she'd start. I said I called up. I said she gave me a bit of the cold from last time, as I was sniffing during the week in the office.

When we were drying ourselves, I noticed she used a small towel. I asked "why small" and she playfully asked if I was referring to her breasts. Now, as to that, I realised that they didn't look like what they looked like last time. Last time I was sure they were fake. This time, they looked different...more real. Less tanned. How was that possible?

I laid on my tummy on the bed and she started kissing my back. She started coughing and I asked if she was ok, she said she was. When I turned around, she went down on me. I felt her to see if she was really into it, and it seemed like she was starting to get into it.

She got on top of me and starting rubbing herself on me without a condom. I seriously thought she was going to do without it. I was wondering whether I should stop her. Luckily, she grabbed a condom. I think she was doing that just to get herself excited.

We switched from her being on top to me being on top. I kissed her all over and tested out her neck to see if she'd object. She didn't. Our lips hovered over eachother and then we kissed. She stuck a bit of tongue out and I instinctively sucked on it. It was like Naby all over again. For what seemed like an eternity, we kissed as I went in and out of her. I then broke off the kiss to focus on the thrusting. She seemed to get really into it, holding my back tight and moaning out loud. I started wondering whether anyone outside of the room would hear us.

She then wanted to switch to doggy, and I found it a bit funny at times. Maybe I'm inexperienced, but I seemed to be hitting a bump at times. Anyway, we finished like that before I laid down, thinking it'd be similar to last time.

She did lay down next to me at first, but then coughed and sat up to take a drink. She took a sip and then gave it to me, and asked me how to describe it. I said "sour", and she said "shower?". I said "lemon?" just to confirm what she wanted, and she said yes. I told her "sour" and spelt it for her. I asked her how to say it in Korean and she said something like "secura".

So she sat up next to me and we talked. It was great, because I wanted to sleep, and now she wanted to talk. Last time it was the other way around.

I asked her what she did on her day off, and she said "yesterday yesterday" which was so adorable, lol. She said she rested, but went to buy chicken.

We ended up teaching eachother Korean and English. Well, actually, it ended up being her teaching me Korean. We started off as a flirt, like translating rude body parts. Then she started teaching me words about the face, because she pointed out two moles on my face. So, these were the words she taught me:

1. Eyes = noon.

2. Nose = Coh.

3. Mouth = Ip.

4. Ears = Geir.

5. Nipples = Jeje.

6. Chest = Casm.

I really only taught her "sour" and "arm". Hmmm. She apparently also knew how to count one to ten in Japanese.

We also talked about our families. She said her father is in "heaven" and her mother is in Korea. I said my family was here. She asked me if I had a wife, or kids, and I said no. I asked her if she had a wife, and she said yes, lol. I asked if she had a husband or kids, and she said no. I said if I had a wife I would not come to these places.

We also talked about animals. She said she has two dogs, mother and son. I said I had two cats, mother and daughter, and I showed her the photos on my phone, although she said she didn't like cats.

I said she had nice hair, and she said they were extensions, and showed me where they clipped on. Wow, learn something new everyday. She said she preferred her hair to be medium length, but the shop did not like it. I said to shave it off, and then everyone would pick her, lol. She also said she believed in buddha, and I said I had no religion.

She was fiddling with the corner of my hair and the fuzz of beard on my face.

Unfortunately, she got out a cigarette and started smoking it. She asked me if I smoked and I said no, that I tried when I was 15 but the coughing put me off. She said it put her off as well, but she tried it the next day, and then the next, until she got used to it. I asked if she did it because her friends did it, and she said yes.

We talked a bit about school. She said in Korea she liked maths, but did not like English. I asked her why she chose Australia, and she said a friend told her, who is also working here now. I asked what her name was and she said she wouldn't tell me. I said I wanted to try her, and she started feigning squeezing my nipples and so I acquiesced and hugged her ankles and said "only Lilly".

She asked if I told anyone about her snoring, and I said everyone, which made her laugh.

When the buzzer went, she went to have a shower first. When it was my turn, she put some soap on my hand, using the stick thing in the soap bottle, lol.

When we were dressing, she asked if the guy downstairs was my friend, and I said no. She asked "alone?" and I said yes, "always". I told her my friends wanted me to go with them but I didn't like it.

When we were walking down the stairs, I noticed she had her hand on my shoulder as she walked behind me.

Signal?

I had a lonely, but happy, walk to the bus stop.

3 months post-op...

Did I mention that on Tuesday we had a branch meeting? Karina was at Court, so I sat next to Turk. She is like, the forgetful one in our group. When I went to round everyone up, I went to get her and she was like "I thought it was tomorrow?" haha.

Dugon got some thanks mentioned by the boss Wendy during the meeting for her help in sorting out all the P-affected matters. Can't lie and say I didn't feel anything. On the one hand I felt a bit slighted that I wasn't mentioned, even though I hadn't really done anything other than my usual briefs, but on the other hand I think Dugon is a good person and it'd be bad to be jealous of her.

At the end of the meeting, Turk said to me that she was tired, and I said I was about to fall asleep. Afterwards I wondered if anyone heard me. Fark I really should keep my mouth shut.

We stayed there for a farewell for Rheem, Genie and Gonaz. I spent most of the time trapped in a conversation with Lewis and Darrell, us being the only males on our floor (in our branch anyway). It felt like it was almost obligatory to join them, merely because I was a guy. If I had went with a group of girls, I'd be seen by them as "not one of the guys" and somewhat "soft".

On Thursday morning I had physio. I had planned to take the car, but my dad said he was using it so I had to catch a bus. I went to the gym even though I only had half an hour, but I really wanted my leg to 'warm up' before my physio session. After gym I went to buy a cake for Jonathan.

I got there about five minutes early, but seemed to wait a lot longer than that. I started wondering whether he had forgotten. Anyway, he came as usual and I gave him the cake, which he was really thankful for. He asked me how my knee was and I said I thought it was nearly there.

He had me on the bed and measured my hyper-extension. He was pretty glad about it, and thought it may have even been better than my left leg (had I over done it?). He said my flexion was probably just one degree out, but it may even be due to his finger.

He showed me some exercises to do:

1. Get on a trampoline and jump up and down.

2. Get on a trampoline, and jump from one foot to the other. Try with your eyes closed if you can.

3. Squats holding weights in both hands. He wanted me to get to about 80 degrees to work a different part of my muscle. While on the bed he kept saying that I now needed to work on my right side quad, they had obviously looked different to him.

4. Lunges with my right foot forward holding weights.

He also said I was allowed to jog at about 50% pace, but no sharp turns.

Yes! I'm cleared to run!

Now I just gotta wait for my left knee to get better.

I told him my incision area felt tight, so he massaged it for like 10 minutes. I could tell he got tired, but he kept doing it. I must admit, it felt pretty good. Afterwards, I looked at the area and saw that it had now a huge dent in it! Wow, so I think that bump was just fat. Guess he pushed it down or spread it around.

He made an appointment for me to see him in a month's time, and he said if everything was ok then that would be my last one. I felt kinda sad to know that help would soon disappear.

Work on Thursday and Friday was pretty dull, yet stressful. I'm just waiting on stuff to prepare for my hearings. At the end of the day on Friday, I went to speak to Gonaz cause that was her last day in our branch. Wendy the boss came by and mentioned how Darrell said they should be charging me rent for working late, and then she wished Gonaz good luck. Gonaz said it was good that she knew I worked late, but although that may be right, I think I prefer to just not being noticed. I see the boss way too much I think, especially now that my room is closer to hers. Alanna said to keep my head down and do my briefs, which I am trying.

Oh, and on Friday I had lunch with Heath, Lewis, Powell and Lawn. I don't think Powell likes me. I wouldn't say he hates me, but probably just doesn't feel that I like him, so he reciprocates. I just don't find that I 'flow' with his personailty. Sometimes when I observe him, it's like he read one of thise PUA books and took the term "laid back" too far. He talks too slow, almost in a creepy sexual way, walks like he's leaning backwards, and his sparse amount of hair gelled upwards makes him look like he's trying to have game.

We went to that pub that used to be a bank. Again, we had to wait ages for our food, but it was pretty good food. I just didn't really fully enjoy being around them, but guess I could get used to it. I also didn't like being out for an 80 minute lunch. I ALSO didn't like the appearance of me trying to sidle up with these guys. I want to be seen as independent, or, nomadic.

After work on Friday I had planned to gym and swim, since I had the car. So I went home, changed and then went to the gym. By the way, I've started incorporating abs into my workout after the stretches. Figure I might as well start now.

After gym, I went to the pool. I thought it was a good time, cause really, who goes swimming on a Friday night? Well apparently they had a water polo game going on in one half of the pool, and I saw that there was already at least one person in each lane in the half open for the public. I stood there thinking, and then saw a group of people entering the pool, and just thought it was too much.

So I left, called my mom asking what was for dinner, and then decided to just have a simple (and cheap) night in at home. I went to the video store and rented Reincarnation, and then went home to watch it during dinner. Only got to watch half of it. Didn't know it was in Japanese with English subtitles.

Alanna's return

On Monday, I was in the photocopying room, with a half grin on my face because I was mentally chastising the way my documents had been done. A girl walks in, I look up and Katie is looking back at me. Eye contact in like...half a year or something. I reckon she looked on purpose. She would've seen me before she even came in, and had more than enough time to decide not to look. But we held eye contact as she walked past. I think it was more of a "haven't seen you since I've been back" thing. Now that it's back to the everyday grind, we'll go back to ignoring eachother as normal. But, since I've moved offices, maybe the 'rare' factor will still be there.

I made my lunch in the kitchen while Karina was making hers, so we were talking about her weekend. After I made mine, I went back to my room, ready to check the net on my phone. I saw her walk past, and thought about it for a few moments. Lynette was out at lunch, so I wouldn't have to worry about her. I went to Karina's room and saw her just sitting idly looking out the window. I said "you can come have lunch with me if you want" and so she grabbed her sandwich and came to my room.

Just like last time, we sat there talking and eating. I felt a bit awkward because I felt some pressure to keep things going or something. I talked mainly about Buried. I think Lynette had come back from her lunch, grrr.

Tuesday was Alanna's return. I thought she'd have a tonne of people going to ask her about her trip, so I decided to give her some time. I went to see her after 10ish, and she told me about her trip, which made me want to go to Egypt, but she said they're not allowing people into the pyramids from next year on, so that sucks.

As I watched her talk, she seemed a bit foreign to me. Maybe I had gotten used to work life without her. But at the same time, I felt a sense of welcome hearing her voice.

Later on in the day, I went to see her again. Earlier we had been interrupted when Rheem came by. She asked me how things were, and I said alright. She asked how many briefs I got and I said 15, but that was because I did the easy ones. I closed the door and told her that Ogre would kinda give it back to me without much amending, and Alanna said it was just different styles. I appreciated her not speaking ill of Ogre, that was professionalism, even though I think she secretly liked the fact that I preferred her over Ogre. I wondered if I had come off as a snitch to her and suddenly regretted telling her my thoughts. But then again, sometimes people bond by exchanging stuff like that.

Today, I noticed Alanna was dressed very elegantly. It was a red top which tied around her neck, showing her shoulders and arms. She came around during the day and asked if I had gotten used to working without her, because I really hadn't gone to ask her any questions since she came back. I actually think I did, but I said I knew she was busy catching up on stuff so I would get her at the end of the week. She hung around and talked a bit, and I noticed her stretching her arms while she was standing, before taking a seat. Part of me thinks that she likes my male attention.

She sent an email late in the afternoon and I went to ask her about it. She was like "I knew you'd come!", as if she was glad I needed her again, lol.

When the garbage man came, he and I spoke a bit, and I saw Wendy A walk by, smiling as she passed.

Was that an evil smile? Was it a "I've caught you now, you bludging bastard" smile?

These past few days, I have been thinking about Lily. I reckon that was the goddamn hottest sex I've ever had. On top of that, I felt a connection. Maybe she treated every customer like that, or maybe we really did click. Particularly special in my mind was when she tried to get me to swallow the listerine by holding my nose, and when I said she snored and she playfully hit me and made me promise not to tell anyone with a pinky shake.

I couldn't get her off my mind. As I worked, I was battling myself as to whether I should ever go again. I could afford once every fortnight, but part of me was saying I should go this weekend. Hell, I wanted to go now!

I told myself not to become one of those old geezers who genuinely think the chick is into him. Have I become him?

Although I went to the gym this morning, I didn't go tonight. I was planning to gym and swim tonight, but finished work at 7pm, so thought I'd just gym, but then went home and realised dad had taken the car and it was raining pretty heavily, so I thought I'd treat myself to a break.

My left knee hurt a bit towards the end of yesterday. The tablets must wear off I think.

Buried / Lily

I woke up quite late this morning, at around 8:40am, which made me think "oh shit" knowing that I had to meet A at 9am for swimming. What made it worse what that I found out my dad was using the car, so I quickly went to the bathroom, changed and walked there. I was only about five minutes late, and he always seems to be preoccupied with the paper anyway.

We chatted as we went to the change room, and I've noticed a habit which seems to have developed, which stems from our previous swimming experiences at Souths - we stay away from eachother when changing. Me, personally, I couldn't care less. But I think he has this 'thing' about other guys. I remember he used to hate seeing the old men walking around naked. Not that I enjoy it, but I never found it as distasteful as him.

He also wraps a towel around before changing his swimmers, whereas every other guy just changes like no one else is around. I used to be like A, but all my experiences with the girls from whoring have made me more comfortable with my body. I also learnt to separate this type of nudity from nudity around a girl. Completely different things. Maybe this is just a different level of maturity.

We did 11 laps today. We tried to do three laps at a time but he broke that rule towards the end. He only wanted to do ten before I nagged him a bit to do one extra lap. I love swimming now, can't believe I didn't do it as much before. It really clears my mind, and everything seems so smooth, I feel like I have so much freedom.

I'm always sad when we leave the pool. I always feel like I wanna do more laps. It's hard to pull away from the pool.

We talked about the football, my lunch with Mono last week, and basketball. Also told him about my inflammed knee. I thought about asking him about share trading, but then thought his wife might think I was just getting him out to swim to ask him about shares.

After we parted, I caught a bus to Bondy to pick up the car. I still had some time so I went to the gym to do my exercises. Again, I refrained from doing the ones that would affect my left knee. While I was doing some stretches standing up against the wall, a girl came over to grab a mat from the stack next to me. The mat she took hit my arm, and I didn't think much but when I looked over, she was a really hot blonde. I told myself that there's no way she'd be interested in me, but later when I went over to get a ball from where she was stretching, I thought I sensed 'a look' from her.

Anyway, my dad had called and I was calling him back as I walked out the gym and right then I saw him pushing a trolley of the stock for the restaurant. What a coincidence. I got the car keys and parking ticekt from him and drove home.

I had breakfast and then went down to wash the car. I discovered a medium sized scratch on the front left bumper, and grrrrr-ed a bit at my dad, but who's to say it wasn't me who did it? So after I washed it, I painted over it with my touch up paint, which made me feel like a job well done.

I went back up to have a shower, and did think about going punting, but then didn't really feel like it. I grabbed my work clothes and went to the office to drop them off so I could travel to and from work in my casual gear. I saw Ogre there, and she asked if Amy was around, and I said I wouldn't have seen her because I had come in through the big door.

I then went to the supermarket to buy my week's lunch and went back to the office to drop it off. I saw Amy on the street with her boyfriend, so I told Ogre she was the last one. She quickly finished up and left together with me, probably because she didn't know how to lock up.

We parted ways downstairs. I had intended to catch Buried at the shopping centre near me, but there was no way I was gonna make it in 20 minutes. Instead, I had checked the net earlier and there was a 4:30pm session at Broadway so I went there. I got there at like 4:20pm, bought a ticket with small popcorn and coke (felt a bit left out the guy didn't ask me for an upgrade, but maybe he was new) and to my surprise they were still cleaning the cinema, so I waited around a bit outside.

I think the movie just came out this week, but there weren't many people in the cinema. Probably less than 30. I had read about it already, but it was still good. Seriously can't believe the whole movie was done within that coffin yet it managed to keep people entertained. Kinda like Cast Away.

I had half my mind on the movie, and half my mind considering going whoring. The movie made me think "god, some people are in such dire situations, I should be thankful just to be alive", but then I also thought "damn, life is short, better live it to the max". I also thought that I could ask whatever girl I saw about Naby.

The latter won out in the end, so after the movie, off I drove to that place. I actually have fond memories of that place, and kinda missed it, and was now looking forward to checking it out.

I parked on the main street nearby, walked in and was greeted by that guy who is usually there. I was ushered into a waiting room and he asked if I had a booking, and I said no. I was shown a line up of maybe about eight or nine girls. The first girl caught my eye because we made eye contact, and then she looked down. Most of the others weren't too appealing.

There was also Nana, who I think was Naby's friend. Ok, executive decision time.

Do I go with Nana, and have her tell Naby I did it with her? Do I waste my money and just sit with Nana and ask her about Naby? Or do I choose another girl, and have Nana tell Naby I'm frequenting the place again doing other girls? Either way, you dead.

When the girls each said hello, I made eye contact with the first girl again, and she looked down.

That's gotta be interest man.

When they were walking out, the guy told me to look at their numbers on their waist.

Dude, are you serious? I barely have time to check out their faces and bodies, you want me to notice the goddamn number???

I picked the first girl, and paid for an hour. I went to the bathroom and when I returned she was waiting for me at the stairs. She let me walk up first and I noticed there wasn't any hand holding.

She seemed like a timid and shy girl. When we got into the room I confirmed her name was Lily. She asked if I wanted a drink and I said yes. She came back with towels and a drink. I asked her if she got one for herself, which she didn't seem to understand, so I opened it and handed it to her. She took a sip before giving it back to me. I took a sip and was surprised at the bitter taste. Then I looked at it and saw that it was green tea.

We showered and I asked her how long she had been in Australia, she said five days. I didn't know if that was bullshit or not, but given she had said that, there was no point in asking her about Naby. Oh, and also I noticed the whole placed seems to have been renovated, probably the reason for the higher price.

I noticed her hair smelled really good. When she leaned into me I just wanted to shove my face into her hair. I could see that under the make up, she was quite average looking. Hell, even with make up she wasn't exactly the best. But she did have a cute bad girl look to her.

I had come in with the mentality that I would use these opportunities to improve myself. I decided to be a tad more aggressive yet also laid back and casual. It was like I dared myself to let myself go. It seemed to work, I can't remember what I said in the shower, but it made her laugh and it seemed to set the mood.

After I dried myself off, she poured some listerine and handed it to me. I had never done this before, but eh. I had it in my mouth and she did the same. I pointed to the drain, and she gestured for me to swallow it, and playfully tried to squeeze my nose, lol. When she spat it out in the drain, I did the same. As she walked to the bed, I slapped her butt.

Usually I'd stand around waiting for directions, but while she was getting ready I asked if I'd just lie down (yes I know, I asked, but that's one step improvement from standing around like a total idiot). She said yes, so I laid on my tummy and she did her thing. She said I had a nice body, and I said "you too".

When she asked me to turn, that was when I first noticed how perfect her boobs were. They were so perfect, I suspected they were fake. They were a decent size, but the shape of them were peeeeerfect.

She was on top for a while before she got off and said "doggy". I found it amusing how she knew so little English but managed to learn a word like that. In this time, I found she had a really cushy butt, which I liked. Then she laid down and I got on top, and I tried to be a bit harder than usual, which she seemed to like. She was moaning a lot, and I would've thought it was all a show but for her body temperature and her breathing. Her body was really heating up, so I figured she was really getting into it.

When we finished, I bit into her shoulder lightly and we stayed like that for a bit before we laid down. I had my left arm out, ready to hold her, and she pressed it down just to make sure before lying down next to me. That reminded me of Hana (who I had called before but the shop said she was still on holidays).

As I held her there, I could hear how hard she was breathing, and was just slowing down now.

See? She wasn't faking all that.

We laid there for a while. I tried to drift off to sleep but I was too self conscious to. She had the occasion cough and had to sit up to feel better, but each time would come back for me to hold.

I was a bit surprised she felt so comfortable with me. She had one leg over mine, and her hips weren't too far from mine. She kept rubbing my right arm/shoulder, feeling the curve/definition. I remember the first time with Naby I could sense she kept her distance. I sort of felt an 'achievement' when I heard her snore. She had really fallen asleep. I guess it was an achievement for me because I wanted her to feel comfortable around me.

One time, she got up to take a sip of the dirnk. She offered it to me by putting it near my mouth, so I just opened my mouth, expecting her to pour it in. She then took a sip. I thought she was just drinking some because there was too much in there and it would spill if she poured it into my mouth, so she was making sure there'd be less so it wouldn't spill.

Then I got it.

She leaned down and poured it from her mouth to mine.

God DAMN!

I held her for a bit longer to the point where I thought "man, when is this hour gonna be up?" but she didn't seem to mind. She got a towel and placed it on me and then laid on top of me, and then changed to lying beside me again but with the towel over us.

The buzzer went, and she didn't move. I yawned, and then she sat up. I said I was tired, and she started massaging my chest. She asked if I worked today, and I said no, and she asked if I worked, and I said Monday to Fridays. I asked her when was her day off, and she said Friday, but next week would be Tuesday. Didn't really understand her.

I told her to shower first and I sat on the bed examining my knees for any differences. When I showered, the water was a bit cold so I had a short one. After I dressed, I pointed to her and said "you" and then made snoring sounds. She started laughing in a really embarassed way and slapped me playfully, and made me promise not to tell anyone, and offered her pinky, and we did a pinky shake. She kept laughing after that.

Points won.

She asked if I slept, and I said "too loud" and made more snoring sounds, which made her laugh more. It seemed like I hit a self conscious spot.

I stood there watching the tv as she packed, and she asked if I knew the singer. I said no, and then started mimicking her dance moves, doing a pretty bad job of it, which made her laugh, hehe.

I asked her how to say "sleep" in Korean, and she said "cha-ja".

I opened the door for her, noticing how long we seemed to have even after the buzzer. That was the other part of me I improved - usually when the buzzer went I'd try to hurry, but today I was just relaxed, like it didn't matter.

I also noticed that there was no hand holding. Maybe it wasn't her thing. She let me walk down the stairs first, and when we reached the bottom, we said goodbye, and I went home to have dinner with my mum and sister. I felt pretty happy, maybe because I had gotten the frustration out of my system. I told myself that maybe I could reward myself by going once a month, but really not sure if I'd be able to resist from even once a fortnight.

Oh, and also, after taking the tablets, my left knee felt A LOT better today. It was almost perfect, until I guess when it started wearing off around midday.