It's Dugon and me?

"Quit worrying about what they do and do fuckkin' Shady. I'm fucking going crazy"
-- Talkin' To Myself, Eminem

Got to work right on 9am because after gym I decided to have breakfast at home. I knew Alanna had court so I didn't bother her and waited for her to come back. But at about 10:30am, Genie comes in and tells me that Alanna's suddenly gone to Newy because she received news that her grandma had a stroke. I was in a happy mood before that, so it was kinda weird to switch to sad mode in such an instant. I understood, and accepted that Alanna had to go. I thought about texting her but then realised: 1) I wasn't really anyone to her; and 2) I didn't want her to check her phone while she was driving.

I spent most of lunch in the bank waiting to deposit my coins. This old man before me must've had like ten large bags of coins, which kept filling up the machine and needing assistance. I reckon I was in there for about 40 minutes - grrr.

I went back to the office to have my soup and pizza toast, and kept working. When I went to cut up my orange, I took a walk around the office and saw Karina had returned from court. We walked to the kitchen together and then Zena came in and then Yoshi came in, and we all started talking about Karina's day in court.

I was eating my orange and saw some juice spit out onto Yoshi. I wondered if Karina saw it, or if Yoshi felt it. In any case, I stepped away to make sure it wouldn't happen again.

In the afternoon, I saw Dugon and Maria in Wendy's room talking. I figured they must've been talking about lists, and wondered if Wendy had finally chosen Dugon as Louise's replacement. It had me going crazy.

Why her? Why not me? What were they talking about? Why would Wendy choose her over me? I had the court experience. I don't think Wendy likes you...

I later heard them talking about it outside my room. Dugon and Maria were talking about the same thing (finding the Ponia affected cases in the list) and I knew that it shouldn't have affected me anymore than it did last time, because nothing new had happened, it was still the same task for Dugon. But emotionally, it was another hit.

I kept thinking about it until I left work. The only people left were Dugon and Wendy. I thought about staying even later but figured I needed to go to the gym. I went to say bye to Dugon, even though part of me started feeling competitive towards her. So it had come down to her and me. I knew it. Karina was too weak, Turk took too much time off, Zena seemed too soft, and Lewis seems kinda lost. Katie and Yoshi still act like little girls. It was Dugon and me.

On the bus home, some guy got on with his really hot girlfriend. She reminded me of the type of girl you'd see at the shop where I used to see Naby, and I suddenly started thinking about her. I could now picture her face, the way she smiled when she stood there as I greeted her. I missed her...

Then it struck me - why didn't Wendy get Karina to do that stuff? After all, Karina was assisting the list. It would make the most sense.

Maybe Wendy's rotating between you and Dugon, and you're just making a deal out of nothing. I mean, she did give you that hearing which she deemed hard. That's something. Or maybe she's trying everyone out to see who is suitable. Or maybe, without Alanna around, there's no one around to speak good of you.

In the end, I decided that whatever Wendy decided, she had her reasons. I'll just continue working hard and showing persistence. Kobe inspired me. He had a lot of hate when he was young, and now look at him.

Preparing for the gym, I decided to take my glasses just in case that girl was there. Just as I took them out, the right arm broke! Faaaark!!!

At the gym, something a little odd happened. When I was pushing my knee down against the towel, I felt a bit of a shock in my knee if I pressed too hard or too long, like the same type of shock I'd get when I was fresh out of hospital. Hmmm. Maybe I'm doing too much physio?

I also did some benchpress and then decided to skip the barbells because I wanted to go home to watch this thing on the Bermuda Triangle.

Hyper-extension!

Went to the gym in the morning, got there kinda late. I've never gotten there at 6am which is always the plan - very disappointing.

Fourth day in a row without seeing Alanna, and I was beginning to feel the effects. It's kinda like missing a family member. I'm glad she's on a break, but at the same time, selfish me wants her to be around so I can get my work done.

At one point I was in the kitchen filling up my water bottle when Karina walked in and said hi. We ended up talking about my knee. One thing I've realised about her is that she is quite empathetic and a good listener. She seemed truly concerned about my knee and understanding. On the other hand, I reckon if I had to listen to someone whinge about their knee I'd tune out in 30 seconds.

I went to the supermarket during lunch time to stock up on my weekly lunch. Mainly bought canned soup and bread, but also bought the stuff needed to make that yummy pizza toast that Amy taught me how to make.

I went to Karina's room for a chat in the afternoon cause I was bored. We just talked about cases, and when I was about to leave, she stopped me by saying there was something she was going to say but had forgotten. She stood there for a few moments trying to think, and I thought she looked really adorable and cute right at that moment.

I later heard her talking to Lewis in the photocopy room, and I thought she spoke to him the same way she spoke to me, so maybe it's all just my imagination. But then again, she doesn't go to lunch with him. We agreed on lunch for Friday.

Talking to Karina, I also found out that Dugon had been given an additional task, which I thought if anything was something I would've been ask to do. My jealousy meter went up and I couldn't help but think about it for the rest of the day.

Why didn't they ask me to do it? Was the new boss favouring Dugon? Did she dislike me? Or was it because Alanna wasn't around and she usually puts in a word for me?

I had intended to leave at 5pm-ish, but that motivated me to start prepping for another hearing, so I stayed till 6:30pm. After I got changed, Zena stopped me for a chat, even though I wanted to go. It didn't look good that the new boss came by and saw us chatting. Oh well.

I went home then drove to the gym. When I got there, I realised I had forgotten my towel! I figured they wouldn't kick me out, since I'm a regular, but I did ponder how I would do my exercises. Oh well, I'll improvise, I told myself.

I got on the bike first, and then when it came to the exercises, instead of lying down and pushing my knee down, I laid down and tried to hyper-extend it. It was pretty fucking painful, but by the third set, I reckon I was doing a bit of hyper-extension. I can't be sure if it's not just me lifting my leg up at the hips, but I can feel my calve touch the floor and my heel raise up.

The other thing I realised is that on my first rep of pushing my knee down, it was pretty damn far off the ground. That really showed how bad it was without exercising, and also how much improvement is made by exercising.

I had worn my glasses to the gym tonight because I thought the girl would be there, but it was another one :(

To city, to Bondy, to city

Saturday morning I went to the gym. I was about half an hour late, but it didn't matter because when I got there, it wasn't even opened anyway. I guess someone slept in again. There was a long line of people just like the last time. I didn't have to wait for long before they opened and people started marching in.

I was a bit worried that the stretching area would get full, but then I was like the second person upstairs...I guess everyone was there for the spin class.

After that I drove back home to pick up my dad so he could buy stuff for the restaurant. We went to Chinatown and I parked where I wasn't supposed to park, so it was a pretty nerve racking 20 minutes. I then drove him to work and then I went to the office to do some work. I nearly got through the file, but my parking was going to expire so I figured I'd go. I did the hard parts anyway, now I just needed some time to digest and think about it.

So I left at about 2pm, I had planned to drive to the Bondy gym but then figured I'd save a hell of a lot of petrol if I just drove to the gay gym, so I did. I did my exercises there, then bought some Hungry Jacks to take home to eat while I watched Solitary Man.

It was a good movie, but the flow of it was probably ruined due to me splitting it into two sessions. I thought it tried to contrast the different lifestyles between Douglas and DeVito - the risky and exciting life versus the stable but boring life. I thought about all the really confident people I had come across in my life and felt somewhat reassured to know that things were as good as they made it out to be. In contrast, although he led a boring life, DeVito was safe because he never took risks (well, the type that Douglas took anyway).

I just thought that I had started out my life with DeVito's values, but when I fell into gambling, I started living the Douglas life. Now that I'm trying to put gambling behind me, I feel like I'm trying to learn DeVito's values all over again.

Speaking of gambling, I haven't been since surgery, so that would make it about six weeks now. The bug is starting to crawl within my brain, I must admit. Just a few days ago, I told myself to come up with a strategy that with enough of a bank roll, I could ensure I'd walk away with $25 every week.

Anyway, after the movie I went back to the Wick for gym. I wanted to avoid the Bra because I thought that girl might be there, and seeing her two days in a row wouldn't be good. So I went to the Wick.

After that I went to see Hana. I guess in the back of my mind I had decided already. I booked for 7pm, and funnily enough, even though I didn't leave my number, they had it and called me several times as it approached 7pm. I had a bit of trouble finding a parking space so I got there right on time.

She seemed surprised (again) to see me as she appeared at the door. It was a pleasant surprise though, but the greeting just wasn't Naby. Sometimes it feels like as if I'm trying to find a Naby replacement.

We chatted a bit but for the most part of the massage we didn't talk. She's kinda funny, cause when I turned around, she reminded herself that my bad leg had now switched over, which my physio said was a common mistake physios make, lol.

Maybe it's the truth, but everytime I ask her what she's been doing, she just says work and sleep.

After the massage, she gave me a facial as usual. She asked and I said "if you want". She then asked if I wanted her to clean my ears, and I said "if you want". She laughed and repeated it, but mental note: don't be so fucking passive next time.

This seemed like an additional service - I had never been offered a cleaning of the ears. I wondered if it was a sign that she liked me. She actually spent quite a bit of time and effort doing it. She was pretty careful about it, and it felt pretty good. Kinda like when my mom used to do it when I was young.

After that, I pointed to the spa and said that looked like fun. I said I would book for 90 minutes next time so we can use it. She said it was better if it was two hours. I said "three hours?" and she seemed like she didn't know how to answer, and said "if you want", lol. As I was finishing tying my shoelaces, I said next time I see her my knees would be better, because earlier I had shown her my knees and asked if she could see any difference, and she said my right one was bigger.

She asked when next time would be, and I said next week, and she said she would wait. Hmmm.

Today, I got to the gym at about 10am. I stayed there till about 11:45am, doing some weights as well before going to pick up Malay. We went to the shopping centre near us for lunch. He had KFC, and I had fish and chips. We talked about the dynamics in our group mainly. He had posted quite an irritated message on my fb about having cheapskate friends, and then deleted it later. He said hew as just pissed off about G not forking out money when around us, but is willing to fork out for his girlfriend.

We also talked about Michelle a bit, about how she had now moved to Brain. She's like a virus, we can't get rid of her. She leeches from one person to the next. We discussed about whether we should warn Brain or not, and I said not to, because he wouldn't believe us and would probably hate us for it.

We also thought Shuing was acting a bit strange. Even though he's not working, I don't think he has reason to be sleeping odd hours. What the hell is the guy doing?? I had messaged him twice asking him to lunch today and he didn't reply until after Malay and I had finished eating.

Anyway, Malay and I went to check out some shops. I bought some oranges and he bought a black polo shirt, then we went to JB. We took advantage of the buy two get one free sale, and I bought Quantum of Solace, Batman Begins and Dark Knight. He bought three movies as well, and kept apologising because he knew he was taking long and I had to go the gym. I didn't mind, cause I figured worst case scenario was I'd do two sessions in one.

I drove him home, then went to the gym in Bondy. Maybe it's just me, but I seem to be getting through the exercises fairly quickly now.

I went home to take a dump, and then went to the gym in the Bra. Honestly, I was exhausted. But I went anyway. I put on my glasses because I was expecting that girl to be there, and I wanted to appear confident when I approached.

Unfortunately, she was not there :(

I did my stuff, and some weights too. No matter how many of these exercises I do, the first few reps of pushing my knee down shows that it returns to the 'bent' default position fairly quickly. I would've thought that having it worked out at Bondy would mean a straighter leg by the time I got to the Bra, but nope.

After I changed, I saw Michael Shram, and we greeted eachother before I left. He mentioned my fb status updates which was a bit embarassing, but oh well.

Maybe the FF girl was at the Wick tonight, thinking that's my usual gym?

The FF girl!

Got to the gym a bit late, at around 7am, but I didn't care much since it was Friday, Alanna wasn't in, and I felt like as long as I got there before 9am I'd still be on time anyway.

So I've started doing the exercise where I put my leg up on a higher platform and push my knee down. It fucking kills! Ah goddamn it, so much pain. Sometimes as I'm doing these exerciss, I think to myself, "I'm doing all of this because of one person" - namely Fat Pat, who, if he hadn't of given up on the team and played that game, things would've been very different.

I felt a bit drowsy at work in the morning, almost tempted to take a nap. Maybe I'd lost a bit of motivation since I'd hit 13 already, or maybe it's just that this is what I plan for - to have a relaxing end of month. I've actually got 14 on the system now, cause I sent one back yesterday. I had been considering doing it this month or next, but: 1) it's gonna come off my numbers when it comes back anyway, and I'd rather it come off as 14 than 13, and 2) if anyone is checking me, I wanna deflate their spirits. I gotta beat them outta the contention, can't let them feel that they can catch up. It's like basketball, you gotta get up by 40 points to kill their spirits, but if you're only up by 10, they still think they got a chance.

I had lunch with Karina. It was my shout for losing the soft drink contest. We were going to go to the dumpling place, but it was too packed. We had a bit of fun/trouble finding our way up there, cause the stairs were blocked and it was hard to find the lift.

We ended up going to the Thai restaurant opposite our office. Before going to lunch, I didn't really know what to talk to her about, I felt like I had become distant from her, but pretty much from the get go we clicked again. I told her that because I had my back to the door, she had to give me a signal if anyone we knew walked in, and she did this crazy dance, which made both of us laugh.

We talked about work, the new boss and movies. She told me about how she found out her zipper was open in court, which made me laugh so hard I snorted, lol.

I found out from her that Wendy F didn't apply for the boss' position, and that she probably wouldn't have gotten it anyway because Jim and the old boss didn't like her. This really disappointed me, because Wendy F is soooo good at what she does, I thought out of all people she deserved it the most. But now she gets snubbed just because people don't like her?? I can understand if this is a private firm, but it's a bloody government job for god's sakes, where fairness is 'supposed' to run through our veins.

We also talked about future jobs, and when she joked about me becoming SLO, I didn't say anything cause I knew it'd be true (or I hoped so anyway). In hindsight, I probably should've joked back, because now she probably knows I really want it.

As we walked back to our office, she noticed a limp on my walk, which made me a bit sad, because for a long time now I've felt that I was walking normally (except after I'ev sat down for a long time).

Shortly after we got back, she came to my office and asked if I wanted a 'milko', which was a candy she was telling me about. I decided to go with her to get it, and told her they had docked my pay because my sick leave wasn't paid. She told me it was, and then later showed me who to contact. I called them and they said they would fix it up for me, which was great, cause this fortnight I'm in a bit of a rut cause I thought I wasn't supposed to be paid for the two weeks I took off.

Having bought the tv, and recently paid for the car insurance, I'm in despeate need of money. Despite not having gambled since the surgery, my credit card debt has INCREASED! Lol, but I know that's misleading, and if I had gambled, it'd probably be more.

I didn't want to stay at work too late, cause I felt really tired. Despite that, I managed to finish off a hard file anyway. I didn't want to leave before Katie and Yoshi, but what the hell, I was tired and the boss wasn't even in today. I've noticed Katie coming in about an hour earlier than usual now, which to me means: 1) she's trying to impress the new boss; and 2) she felt 'safe' coming in late when we had the old boss.

I went home, then caught the bus to Wick to gym, cause my dad has the car. I thought about going to Bra to see if the girl was there, but decided on Wick because it had KFC and the video store.

To my surprise, she was there!!! She was wearing that red FF shirt that most staff seem to wear now as part of some promotion. She had straightened hair again. She gave me a very normal, routine "Hi how are you", and I said good, before saying "aren't you at Bra?"

She immediately lit up by smiling, standing up straight. She said "yeah" and I said "I thought I was getting the gyms mixed up" as I walked through the gate. She ran her hand throug her hand and said "I'm at Bra and Wick".

I walked to the change room excited like a little boy in a candy store. I was soooo happy, for me that was how I had pictured it, but now I half dreaded the goodbye when I had to exit the dream. I had decided to stay for a long work out, cause I wanted to do ALL my knee exercises and work on my upper body a bit.

I did all that and finished at about 8:45pm. I kept telling myself to be cool as I walked out, but I was nervous as hell. Some lady was a bit ahead of me, and she said goodbye to her. She had her head down as I walked by and then I said "good night" and smiled. She looked at me and smiled, but gave me the same "good bye" she had given the lady.

Hmmm.

I went to rent Solitary Man, and then got KFC. Got a bit frustrated cause had to wait like 20 minutes in the cold for the bus. Damnit I missed my car.

New exercises!

I went to the Bra gym this morning to see if that girl would be there. Was so excited only to see it was another girl. Still pretty, but basically gave me the cold shoulder, and that's when I realised the difference between interest from her and this.

I did my stuff, then drove to the Wick for physio. Jonathan came around after waiting a short time, and he eye-measured my knee to be about -5 degrees. He put the warm pack on which got really fucking hot this time, but I just put up with it. Onto the massage, it didn't hurt as much this time, but I was kinda expecting it seeing that it had been two weeks since the last one and I was sure my leg had gotten somewhat stronger. Even he could feel the areas which used to hurt but didn't anymore.

After that he had me push my knee down and then push my calve against the wall. When pushing my knee down, he raised the end of the bed a bit which lifted my leg up at an angle to create more room for my knee to go down, which gave me an idea for the gym.

After that he got me onto the bike, I asked him what resistance and speed I should do, and he basically said anything that didn't push me too hard.

Then I got onto the bed again and he eye measured me to be -2. We made an appointment for next week at the same time, and when I told him what the doctor had told me, he said it wasn't necessary, especially seeing how I went from -5 to -2 just after the massage.

I drove home, then went to work, got there right on time. A lawyer called me for a matter which I used to have but now it's Katie's. I took a message and emailed her to call him. No email back, not that I was expecting one. I just thought it was funny picturing her taking my email to Alanna and saying it was "offensive" and that she "took it personally", lol.

Nothing out of the ordinary at work today. I bumped into Karina several times, once being after lunch in the kitchen. I askd her what she had and she said Indian. I asked if she made it herself and she said Richard made it (love how women only mention the guy when you dig deeper). It made me feel a bit rejected, but part of me also felt relieved to be able to pursue other girls. Maybe we were just friends.

Today was also Alanna's last day before her four day weekend. I feel like Geni and I are kids with parents about to leave us for a holiday, lol. Also, Alanna gave me a heads up for when she goes overseas in September - she said my briefs will probably be marked by Wendy, so I should do them with extra care. I got the message, and joked that Wendy would finally find out I'm an idiot, haha.

At the end of the day, I stayed back a bit to finish off a file. I had gotten Macca's at around 5pm cause I was hungry. For some reason Gonaz suggested we leave together, and I thougt maybe she had something to tell me, but on our way to her bus stop, we just talked about the new boss. She said she liked her, and seemed to express a bit of disdain for Alanna. I tried to keep my mouth shut and just listen.

On the bus, I was too busy checking my phone that I missd my stop, which made me grrrr, because I had planned to go to the Bra gym to see if that girl was there. When I finally got there, it was that bulky guy with the slightly creepy smile. Hmmm...I saw him at the Wick last night. Maybe they're switching shifts? Damnit, I should be at the Wick!

For a few seconds I considered turning around and going to the Wick, but then thought it was too late. Then for about half the session, I though I'd go afterwards, and then told myself that Kobe Bryant wouldn't let something like that affect him, so don't let it affect me either.

I implemented a new exercise - putting my foot onto a higher platform and then pressing my knee down. It fucking killed.

I also did the balancing exercises Jonathan showed me. They are:

1) stand on right foot, with left foot off ground, and balance.

2) do 1), but use left foot to make a star by moving it forward, to the left, backward, and to the right.

3) do 1), but use left foot to write the alphabet.

Damn, I might as well live in the gym from now on.

Change of luck at work

Given the boss' recent departure and the departure of a few others, our status thing had been stuffing up and I noticed Hayley had been assigned to another floor. At first I thought this was just a stuff up, but then on Monday it was still the same. I pretended to go to the kitchen for something and check things out. I noticed her desk was completely empty. Even her computer was gone!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The hot para has gone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

One door had closed for me. Sure, there were other doors, but it's never a good feeling to know a door has been closed.

Yesterday Alanna pulled me into her room to have a chat about the new boss. I thought it was a bit late since she started on Monday, but whatever. She started having a bit of a spiel about how much shit this boss gave her when she started, so she really hates her. I reckon she dropped the F-bomb at least three times. I just sat there and listened. She went on and on, and eve admitted that it was gossip.

I rarely see Alanna like this, but kinda liked it cause it felt like I was close to her.

I was preparing for my hearing yesterday, and found out that the person who assessed the matter had fucked up. I mean, really fucked up. It was Twish's friend, and I started hating her for it, moreso because somehow someone that incompetent had gotten a permanent job. WTF.

I had to write a minute and so stayed back until 7:30pm doing that. Wendy A basically told me to go home before she left, and then this morning said she noticed what time I had left and said it was too late. She also said that my room was too far from Alanna's, so she has decided to move me.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!

She was going to switch me and Wendy F. I wanted to protest by saying my knee actually needed the daily walks to Alanna's room, but then wisdom told me to shut the hell up.

I was a bit upset, because I absolutely adore my room, but then thought about it: am I losing my job? Am I getting less money? Then shut the hell up. Would Kobe or James Bond care? No. Then neither should you.

So I notched up my 13th matter today, and I'm even more proud because none of them are ones I sent back which will eventually come back to me and hence reduce my numbers. Alanna seemed very relieved that she wouldn't be burdened with any work for the rest of the month. I was just glad I got 13. I wonder who is happier when I get 13.

I'm also keeping an eye out to see who wants to one up me. Should I even care? I'm just sure that no one can be as consistent as I am.

I am feeling a bit competitive, seeing now that Katie and Yoshi appear to be coming into work earlier than usual, perhaps to try to appease the new boss. But I have noticed that now their protection is gone: Imad is gone, and if the old boss was any protection, he's gone now too. Fair game I suppose.

I went out at lunch to look for some novel candy to buy, and so I was in the Asian grocery store near my office and heard a song that the Naby place would play sometimes.

Damnit, why is everything reminding me of Naby???

I'm really, really starting to miss her.

In terms of my knee, I have been rehabbing twice a day since Monday. On Monday I was so eager to see that hot girl, I was smiling all the way from the escalator to the gym, only to find out she wasn't there. On Tuesday night because I worked late, I decided to go straight from work to the gay gym and so did my stuff there.

I didn't see her at the gym tonight either, so I was thinking maybe tomorrow night I could go to the one in Bra.

I'm now able to press my calve into the wall slightly from the first rep of the first set, although with some difficulty and pain. The first set of pressing my knee down is always the hardest and makes me feel like there hasn't been any improvement, but by the second set it loosens up and feels as good as the good knee.

Tonight, coming home, I also realised that I took two steps at a time - easy. Not sure how good or bad that is for the knee, but I kinda just did it instinctively.

I still actually can't bend my knee very far back, but I'm satisfied that that will come with time.

G's birthday

Wednesday
I had decided to meet Elleon for lunch. First thing I did when I got into the office was to email her back.

At 1pm I went to the meeting place and was across the road from the restaurant, looking for her. I thought I saw her standing next to a pole, but then she appeared right next to me and she laughed, saying she thought she was late. I noticed she was wearing a pink scarf.

We went to the restaurant together and stood outside waiting a bit, and she asked if I had a 'white board' I had to check out on when going out to lunch. I didn't know what she meant, and so she said she had a friend at my office who told her we had a white board, and I knew she meant the status thing.

We didn't have to wait long before we got a table. It seems that the stools for the sushi train are the more popular ones. As we approached our table, the scene reminded me of the time I had been here with Yoshi and Katie for lunch.

We sat at a small table for two, and I wondered what I should order. I didn't feel like going to the train to get the food, so I said I'd just get a bowl of noodles. For some strange reason, she started urging me to get the plates from the train so we could share. She suggested it at least twice and so I acquiesced. She said I could get some plates, and I asked what she wanted. She said anything, because she ate anything. I knew this was dangerous territory already. I picked two and placed them on our table.

She kinda looked at them like "well I didn't mean this" and I asked if they were ok and she said yes, and we started eating them. She gave me one plate and she used the other.

We got along pretty well, doing a bit of catch up at first (even though we didn't really know eachother that well before?), and then when we finished our dishes I said it was her turn to choose, and I said I ate anything. She picked two and brought them back, and we ate those as well.

We mainly talked about work and court related stuff. I was watching a girl at the far end of the train and thought it looked like Dugon. I was right. She and Zena came by and said "so these were your plans", because I had declined a group lunch earlier, citing plans.

I was a bit embarassed and then introduced them to Elleon. I tried to make a joke and say she was defence so I was with the opposition. Maybe I'm being way too sensitive, but I sensed a bit of bitchiness between Elleon and Zena. I wonder if that should be a 'red flag'.

I asked if she wanted more, because I was still a bit hungry, but she was pretty adamant not to have anymore. I suggested ice cream and she was up for that, so we ordered some dessert.

We found out that we're actually both from Hong Kong. Where did I get this idea that she was Taiwanese? She came here when she was eight, and I said I thought she was born here. We seemed to have a lot of similarities. She seemed content working where she was now, even though it was kinda stressful. She mentioned billables a lot, so I guess that was the source of her stress. I found out where she lives, but stopped from asking whether she lived by herself or with her parents. We got talking about another girl who used to go to our meetings, and I asked if she kept in touch with her, and she said only on facebook. She then asked if I had it, and when I said yes, she said she would add me. She hasn't added me yet, maybe because there's a few with my name, and I've got privacy settings to the max.

I could sense that our hour was up, or that it had even been past an hour. I wasn't especially in the mood for another shot at taking a long lunch, so I asked for the bill. I tried to figure out how much it cost, to see if I could afford to shout her, but it was just the number of dishes we had. She said we had to pay at the counter so we went there. When I saw that I could cover it, I told her it was my shout. She showed little resistance and I said she could buy next time.

We walked back across the road, and said we could do lunch again. She said she was busy the next week, so it would have to be the week after, and suggested the dumpling restaurant that she pointed to. I said ok and we parted.

Apart from rushing back to my desk, I was wondering...was that a date?

Back at the office, there was a time when I was just having a bit of a random chat with Lynette, who I seem to have built a playful relationship with, and she was saying how she is responsible for the change of addresses. We were walking towards the para bay, talking about a particular defendant, and I just jokingly said her job was fun, "I mean, who lives in Erskinville?"

Hayley heard this and made a surprised/shocked laugh, and I apologised to anyone who might be living there. Lynette asked me where I lived and I told her. I wondered if Hayley heard it. When I returned to my room, I thought about how stupid that had been - what if Hayley or the other para lived there? Had I just offended her?

I reckon if this was 10 years ago, I would've gone over to apologise. But, it isn't, and so I thought I'd just leave it. Eh.

Thursday
I couldn't go to the gym in the morning because I had court in Parra. I went to the hospital early in the morning to leave Jonathan a note. I had called and left a message the day before, but as I didn't get a call back, I wasn't sure if it was received, and I really didn't want to stand him up, so I just wanted to be safe.

I probably could've made it anyway, since the judge came on at 10 and didn't get to my matter until noon-ish. There were no hiccups, apart from him not knowing our laws very well, which kinda made two of us. It was easy in that I knew I wasn't gonna say anything to oppose a lesser sentence than jail, since the amount was only $10k.

At morning tea, I hung around the lobby, trying to reminsce about the old days here. It brought back some memories. Would be good if we had won.

I saw Kylie and we had a chat. While we were talking, she was looking at the two girls talking, and then said "I wish I had thin legs", because they did. I thought about saying something like "some people want it to happen, some people wish it to happen, some people make it happen" but didn't bother. I knewI'd be seen as cruel and she'd make up some excuse as to why she couldn't get thin legs anyway.

When I finished, I went back to the office. It's been so long since I caught a train, it was almost unfamiliar to me, but I still knew all the platforms and that.

I had this big chat with Alanna when I returned, just basically telling her about my half day in court. They were funny things which made her laugh, and it was only after that I realised she had now become my go-to person to share stories with, since there wasn't really anyone else. I've felt a bit distanced from Karina ever since she came back. Maybe it was the long time not seeing her.

I didn't have a gym session the entire day because after work I met up with John and library guy for dinner. It showed, because I could feel my knee getting a bit rusty/stiff again.

I went home to get the car and then drove out there. I met with library guy at his office, then followed his car to John's office. We waited for John outside his office and sat at a bench just catching up. It was sad to find out that they no longer employed Lai, but at least he was working elsewhere.

We had a pretty good chat catching up, and it seems that maybe the business isn't doing so well after all. He seemed to express envy for me being in a government job, saying at least I knew I would get paid every fortnight. Hmmm.

We waited for ages before John showed up. He never ceases to amaze me as to how money changes his appearance. Last time it was the new sports car, and now it was the new hair style - he had spiked his hair up.

We went to a restaurant close by because John wanted to have crabs. When we sat down, I asked him if he had heard from Spawn. He said he actually saw him today, because Spawn asked him to complete a form so he could go on the dole. He apparently also told him he saw me at the barbeque, which was an outright LIE because he didn't go. John looked at me for a moment to see if I was the one who was lying.

John's getting married in March next year, but didn't seem that happy about it. When I asked what made him make the decision, he said he was drunk. His business also dosn't seem to be doing too well, saying he'll give it two years and if it doesn't work out, then he'll merge with someone else.

The crab we had was sooooo delicious! It had a sweet sauce to it which I couldn't get enough. It was a bit expensive though, and I was surprised John didn't want to leave a tip. Library guy said "shouldn't you tip since you work around here?" lol.

They were hinting at some extra-curricular activites afterwards, but I said I couldn't go because of my knee. John asked if that meant I wouldn't be having any fun for a year, and I wondered hat the big deal was, since I had gone 26 years without sex anyway.

It was good to see them, yet at the same time I felt a bit relieved to leave. I guess I just want to keep them at a distance. Maybe they'll be work opportunities later in life?

Friday
Woke up kinda late but went to the gym anyway. I had planned to get to the office early, but didn't feel like it anyway.

It was the boss' last day in our department, and so I thought I'd take advantage of our last day of 'freedom' as Zena put it, by drawing a noughts and crosses game on the white board at the para bay. Someone cheated which ruined it, so I went to wipe it off. After I wiped it off, I walked off and heard Hayley call out my name. She had been talking to Mani, and I walked back to the white board.

She had come out to the white board and offered me some of her bread. She had gotten it from Top Bread, and it was the same type I used to get sometimes, the type with chocolate layers. I tried to be playful and asked if I could have half, seeing that I had just finished lunch. She asked me to take the whole thing, saying I could have half later. I walked off with it calmly, but inside I was swooooooning. She is soooooo goddamn pretty!

Sitting at my desk, I wondered if this was the start of something. Nah, I told myself, she was just being friendly. Besides, look at Katie and you've learnt your lesson about fucking around at work. Moreover, Hayley was a para, so if you screwed things up, you'd definitely have to interact with her, whereas it's actually possible for you to ignore Katie because you have no dealings with her.

Karina and I had organised lunch. Actually, we had a group one organised on Thursday, but nobody else responded to her and I felt a bit sorry for her, so I said we could go after my court thing, but then I came back a bit late so we said we'd do it today. But then she re-scheduled, saying Erin had taken her and Yoshi to a one hour coffee session telling them about the new boss, so she wanted to get some work done.

I had started this thing where I scanned a document to her instead of emailing her, and she said it was "clever", hehe. I think so too! AT one point she came to my room, and I closed the door asking for the goss on the new boss. She said if we thought the current one was bad, then the new one was worse. She'd walk around every hour just to see that we're at our desk! Far out!

After work I went to the gym, and then went to the shopping centre near me to watch Salt. It had just been released the day before, but there weren't many people at the 9:30pm session. The movie was pretty good, I was just a little disappointed that they didn't really use her sex appeal at all, and the ending was kinda like in the middle of nothing. I mean, they could've just ended it when she dived into the water, but they had to show her running?

Anyway, I thought the movie was pretty decent and deserved more people than that.

Saturday
Had planned (again) to get to the gym at 7am, but got there an hour late. After gym, I went to vote. The line was pretty long but the wait wasn't too bad. I did a donkey vote on one ballot, voting for 'Em', hehe.

After that I drove out to work to do a bit of stuff. I bought some snack pack from Ogalo to eat and took it back to the office. I got a bit done before going to the gym again and then going to the shopping centre near me to get G a present. I was supposed to meet Malay but he said he wanted to get more sleep.

I bought three small Transformer figurines and then went home to wash my car. It had a bit of bird shit on it which annoyed me throughout the week, so I was glad to have taken it off.

Malay drove me out to the city, and for the first time in a long time, I felt like we didn't have that much to say, and I had to consciously try to think of topics to talk about.

We were almost an hour late to the dinner, and he annoyed me a bit by wanting to hang out outside the restaurant to finish off his cigarette. We were already late!!

We finally walked in, and everyone was already seated. Only two seats left at opposing ends of the table - one next to Michael L, and one next to Bobby. I quickly took the one next to Michael L.

G introduced me to his girlfriend Amanda, who sat diagonally opposite me. She seemed like a nice girl, and was quite talkative. Not shy at all in asking me about me. Michael L seemed a bit sly/sleazy whenever he initiated conversation with her, or maybe it's just my prejudice against him. I seriously looked at him and studied his sleazy face and wondered what Eva saw in him.

Maybe I'm just paranoid, but Amanda seemed to want to initiate conversation with me. Or maybe she was just being friendly. Either way, I tried to avoid it at times by looking around. I was polite and chatted with her from time to time, but let's just say it wasn't as much as I could've if I wanted to.

It was at that restaurant where Bobby danced with Ele, and I wondered if it brought back any memories for him. I noticed he wore quite an ugly hoodie, and wondered if he had just decided to tank it since he wans't on the hunt anymore. I also wondered why he didn't bring his girlfriend.

Michael L and I talked a few times, but it was pretty obvious that he seemed more interested in talking to Amanda than any of the other guys. I felt shitty that I was stuck next to him, yet at the same time glad I didn't have to try to make convo with Brain and Scope.

Amanda wanted to dance at the end, and I had to urge G to go.

After dinner, G had booked karaoke but it was still early, so we went to that skills tester place downstairs. I played a few games and won a calendar cat, lol. As soon as I lost the first time and had a second go, I could feel the gambling rush again. It was that "I can't lose, I must win" feeling. It's relatively harmless here, but fatal at the casino.

When we had enough, we went to karaoke. Shuing, Malay and I dropped behind to get G a cake. We had a bit of a whinge about how this meant that Brain and Scope wouldn't be chipping in for it, which meant we had to pay more than our share. I've really just about had it with them and their lack of financial support.

We got the cake and went to karaoke. We found G singing in the room, which was the case for most of the night. Amanda had one song, Bobby had a few. I sang Unwell with Malay, and came up with this "help help" gimmick each time he stopped. I had really forgotten how the song went, but the gimmick seemed to have stuck for the rest of the night, it was like a remix, lol.

Malay tried to force Brain to sing, but Brain wouldn't budge. It was a cruel thing to do, but couldn't help but watch it like a car accident.

When we finished, we decided to head home. G stupidly said he would take Brain and Scope, which meant Malay or Shuing had to take Bob and Michael L. Malay volunteered, and I said I'd go with Shuing, partly to get away from the other two, but also because it seemed weird that everyone was going in Malay's car and not Shuing's.

So we had a bit of a talk thereafter about Amanda. We both think she's a nice girl and a good match for G. We both expressed some frustration over Michael L's sleaziness. Apparently he was going to bring Jessica to the dinner! Fark.

Today
Got to the gym at about 10am, then went into work. I worked until 2pm, went to the gym, then returned to the office and finished at 4pm.

I had organised to meet Shuing and G for a coffee (Malay had work). G was late, but we had a chat and I bought him an Easyway. Shuing never made it cause he woke up late, and we had to leave at 6pm anyway.

G asked me who I thought was a better match for him - Jenny or Amanda. I said Amanda because Jenny seemed to have a very different personality. I didn't want to be too specific.

After that I went to the gym at the Bra. That girl with the nice eyes was there. As soon as I had came off the top of the stairs and looked in, we made eye contact. I got nervous. When I walked in, she asked "hi how are you?". I said "good thanks" and she said "that's good" which I noticed was an additional thing to what she says to everyone else. After giving me back my card, she said "enjoy your work out" which I also thought was an additional thing she didn't say to others.

I got so nervous I kept looking away at this other older lady. Maybe it was a stupid move.

I ddi my exercises. So it was my third session for the day. Seriously, I was tired of all this, counting 1-10, 1-20. Far out. But, I could feel my knee getting better...slowly. When I push it down now, it feels as if it's as low as my other leg, but I think there's still a minor difference.

When standing with my back against the wall, I can now (with some pain and effort) get my calve to gently touch the wall, which is good progress. Oh, and also, it's been the last few days that I've started doing all exercises with my shoe on. I figured it provides a bit more resistance.

With the bike, I can now pretty much do what I used to, going up to 130rpm. Funny thing is, no matter whether I go fast or slow, I always end up burning 43-44 calories. No more, no less.

As I left the gym, I smiled at the girl and said "see you later". She had a pack of something she was about to eat, and gave me a quick, abrupt smile and said the same. I wonder if what I had done had made her lose interest.

Girls
"Girls on the floor"
-- Seduction, Eminem

So, I can't help but feel once again that I've got quite a few options now. Maybe it's me approaching my 30's. Or maybe my confidence level is just up right now. But it seems that I have potential suitors in Karina and Elleon. More distant from them are Hayley and the girl at the gym with the nice eyes.

In any case, while I was at Easyway tonight with G, a song started playing which reminded me of Naby. I googled it and it was "Nobody" by Wonder Girls. It used to play quite frequently at the shop. It reminded me of when Naby would sometimes sing to herself, and sometimes she'd make hand gestures and try to get me to sing along.

From the couple of Hana experiences, I've come to realise that Naby and I probably did have a bit of chemistry. Sure, maybe a lot of that was her putting on an act, but I pay Hana and the chemistry just isn't what it was with Naby. All this time I thought I could handle my emotions, but more than a month after she has left, it's started spilling out now.

I miss her, and I felt like crying as soon as I heard that song.

In the firing line

"His new Slim Shady EP's got the attention of the mighty D. R. E HE'S ALMOST FAMOUS"
-- Almost Famous, Eminem

Got to the gym at about 7am today, did one set of everything and then went home to go to work. The day at work was ok. I saw Alanna quite a bit and we had a bit of a talk again about SLO positions coming up. She said I was in the "firing line" now that Louise and Suzanne were moving out of our section. And she was right, because Wendy assigned me a hearing which she deems fairly important and she said I had the most experience because I've done a few now.

Alanna said that for SLOs, she was in the firing line, and now it was me for LO's. She said it was good and bad - good in that it means they have faith in you, and bad because it means extra work.

I guess I should take is as a positive.

I had a bit of a chat with the hot para Hayley today. I bought marshmellows yesterday and gave them out today. She came to give me some folders and she said there was more coming, and I told her to use a trolley because she could hurt herself. Then we walked along the corridor and she said something about the marshmellows, and I cautioned her about having too many like I did, which made me feel a bit sick. She was walking slightly ahead of me but had her head turned, eyes glistening and smiling. She was stunning.

In the afternoon she came in to get a file, and I was a bit worried about her doing it because she was new, so I asked if Grace was going to show her the way and she said yes. Hope she didn't take offense to that.

At lunch I was making my pizza sandwich and was talking to Dugon at the same time. Then Karina came in to make her sandwich, and I felt it was a bit awkward, only because I wasn't sure how they got along with eachother. They seemed a bit awkward with eachother as well. I just pretended I was pre-occupied with my sandwich.

After work I went home, and had to catch the bus to the gym because dad had the car. I did everything, and realise that now when I stand up against the wall, I can force my calve to touch the wall, but it's almost cheating because I have to turn my body slightly. It is very painful.

Elleon emailed me today for lunch tomorrow. I wasn't sure, so I didn't reply. Guess I'll reply tomorrow, depending on how I feel.

Ele's rental problem

Despite waking up at 5:50am today, still only managed to get to the gym by about 6:50am :(

I did one set of all exercises and then went back home and caught the bus out to work. Finished off a BA and handed it in to Alanna. Didn't really see her that much cause I sensed she was busy. Well, she was in court in the morning but I just knew she was busy after that. And I was right, cause when I spoke to her to tell her about possible further time off if I don't get my leg straight, I said I had some questions about a BA and she asked if I could ask them later, which I was gonna do anyway.

I noticed she was wearing a nice purple shirt today and had her hair done backwards, which may be a first. She was very attractive like that.

I got a message from Ele at around 11am asking if I was free for lunch because she had something urgent to ask me. I figured it was some sort of legal question, and despite having done some grocery shopping in the morning to buy lunch for the rest of the week, I agreed. I was a bit hesitant if only for the reason that it might be some sort of set up with Jessica.

Luckily, it wasn't. I met her at Woolies and I suggested Wagamama in the shopping complex across the street. I guessed her legal problem to be where she hit and killed someone with her car, which made her laugh. I liked the way she laughed, and I liked how I was able to make her laugh.

When we sat down, I asked her what her problem was, and she told me that both her flatmates were going back to China in two days. So I guess that's the end of the May option. She said that would mean she and her husband are the only ones left on the lease and would have to end up paying for the other two. May would pay a bit, but the other guy had a "fuck y'all" attitude. Wow, I never saw this coming, and neither did she. Lucky I awsn't involved with May, or else this would all be very awkward.

I don't know much about leases, so I just pondered thoughts with her instead of providing any solutions, but I did say I would ask a friend, with John or library guy in mind.

I ended up shouting her lunch, she only had those peas and green tea anyway. I was kinda late for going back to work, so I asked for the bill and kinda hurried to get back. She asked about my leg and I told her I had a problem straightening it.

Also, during the lunch she asked why I didn't invite Jessica to Brain's birthday party (???).

I went back to work and worked till about 6pm, and was getting ready to go when Olga caught me in a conversation as she was leaving. We got on pretty well, talking about defence work in our past, and in the back of my mind I thought it was awkward cause it felt like we were friends but I didn't want to be because she was above me.

Anyway, after that I ended up calling John since library guy and I were playing phone tags. John said basically there was nothing Ele could do, but she could take over the lease and rent it out for a bit of a higher price to make some money off it, lol. John saves the day yet again.

He told me he's getting married on 26 March. Things seem to be moving fairly quickly for him, while I'm still stationary.

I finally went home and then went to the gym. The first set is usually the hardest in that it's hard to get my leg fully straight. By the second set I've achieved it, and I reckon now when I push it down it's almost as straight as the good leg. When I stood against the wall to push my knee back, I even touched the wall with my calve a bit!!! IMPROVEMENT!!!

But that really fucking hurt.

I've taken my knee out for the night, and don't know how I can cope tomorrow.

Oh yeah, lately I've noticed a really hot girl who works at the reception at the gym. I only see her there sometimes, but she's thin and has the most amazing eyes. I've noticed that whenever she swipes my card we always make a bit of 'different' eye contact. Tonight, her friend swiped my card but she walked towards me at the counter when I came in, but didn't look at me. Damn, I could look into those eyes forever...

Rehabilitation Day

Ah, sorry for the long time without posting, just been busy with work and rehab.

Wednesday
So Elleon blew me off for lunch. At about 11am she sent an email saying something urgent had come up and wanted to re-schedule to next week. I noticed she did not specify a date. I wasn't angry or upset, but I did feel disrespected. I thought about not replying at all, but then thought I'd see her around court, so sent a reply saying I didn't have court the next week so any date was suitable. No reply. Having had some time to think, I think if she suggests lunch I'll just ignore it and see what she does.

After work, I had to go to a strata meeting. I hate these things. It's so trivial petty stuff. It gets really bitchy as well. One of the women had another go at another woman just because her son had a birthday party and it got a bit out of hand. I had to say something to speak up for her, and I think it had the "whoa, this guy hasn't said anything in years, so the fact that he's said something now means it is wise knowledge".

As the meeting went on, I felt I started getting a headache. It got so bad that by the time I got to the gym (and I was afraid the meeting was going to be so long that I wouldn't have time for gym), I felt the headache get worse and felt like throwing up.

Luckily I managed to push through it and got all my exercises done.

Thursday
I went to the gym to do a bit of rehab before going to physio. I think it was probably the first time that I've been able to walk properly when meeting him at the start. I was kinda proud to be walking properly, but at the same time felt weird, cause it must've looked like "wtf, there's nothing wrong with this guy, why does he need physio?"

He started with the massage, and it was painful, but not as painful as last time. Either I got a bit used to it, or he softened the touch a bit. After that he had me do some exercises like pushing my knee down whilst sitting up on the bed and then pushing it against the wall as I stood with my back to it. He said he eyed my extension, and said last week it was -17, and now it was about -10. He made some positive remarks about my improvement and then told me not to listen to the doctor about never having it straighten. I think he knows I was worried.

I can feel that it has improved as well in terms of extension, but sometimes when I look at it, it looks like that it's just bulging out and that no matter how much I push it down, it will just be like that. Quite hard to explain.

He showed me a new exercise to add to my regime, which was where I have two hands on a pole and lean against it with my rear sticking out, right foot slightly behind my left, both feet planted on the ground, knee straight, and hold for ten seconds and then release the pressure by lifting my right heel off the ground, then repeat.

That was pretty much it, I noticed he didn't have me do the bike, but maybe that's because he knows I can do it anyway. We made the next appointment for 8:15am, and he punched me on the shoulder lightly as I left. I kinda like how he calls me "man", lol.

I caught the bus straight out to work. My knee felt smashed again, but not as much as last week. I think it's the massage that really takes my knee out.

I went to that Pepper lunch place for lunch. Absolutely loved it. The chubby girl who I think fancies me was there working at the cash register. She gave me one of those cards where if you accumulate ten meals you get one free or something. I don't think I saw her give one to anyone else. Maybe it was her way to get me to come more often?

After lunch I went to Rebel to check out some skins. I asked Jonathan if I could wear skins instead of the one the hospital gave me because it was getting kinda old. He said it was the same, but didn't think it was as tight, and told me to only wear it when I was active, otherwise it would cause DVT.

I spent a considerable amount of time checking out the different brands and trying to figure out the sizes. The girl had to show me that the sizes were on the back of the pack, and when I compared two, they had different size recommendations for the same height and weight, so I askd the girl at the counter and she tells me that's because one is for men and the other for women - duh! God I felt like an idiot. Anyway, they didn't have my size so I left.

At the end of the day it was just Gonaz and I left, so we left together. She told me that Levac had been there for three years which really surprised me. At the photocopies, I said it was no wonder Levac didn't smile much, and I saw someone walk across. I hope it wasn't Wendy, and I hope they didn't hear me...

Anyway, I went off to the Rebel where I got the $100 gift card and found my size in skins there. They were all pretty expensive, and even at the cheapest one it was $140. I bought that one because it said you get free socks, but they ran out of those. I got them anyway, and used my card so I only paid $40. Lucky I didn't use that card up earlier. I didn't really have much to buy before surgery and thought about splurging it on more jerseys. Lucky I didn't.

I went home and pretty much put them on straight away. The feeling was much more than I bargained for. Firstly, the material was thinner than I thought. Second, it was tigher than Jonathan had said. Thirdly, it was sending mixed sensations through my legs - at first it felt like it was burning, then warming, then tightening.

I went to the gym with them underneath my shorts and I reckon they look pretty cool. Don't think I can go to the gym in my hospital one anymore, but I'll keep wearing that at work.

Friday
Went to the gym in the morning before going to work.

Alanna was busy compiling something for the boss, so even though I had a few questions, I decided to bother her on Monday. Lewis suggested the steak lunch thing again, and I said I could go if it was at noon because I had a doctor's appointment, and so he called Heath but Heath couldn't make it. I wouldn't have minded being just us two, but I think he did because he said we'll go next time. Some guys just seem a bit paranoid going alone with another guy.

So anyway, I went to Market City and got some fried rice with deep fried salty fish (I really felt like that) and sweet and sour pork. I got an Easyway as well and took it back to the office and ate it as I worked away.

At around 1:30pm, I went to look for Alanna to tell her I was going, but couldn't find her. I bumped into Karina who was just entering her room with her lunch so I followed. Ended up sitting in there having a chat while she ate her lunch. She looks much healthier now. The day she came back she still looked a bit pale.

After a while I saw Alanna walk past so I left and went to see her. I asked her how court was the day before and how the thing she was compiling was going. She mentioned something about the new boss coming in and asked if I was here when that boss was here, and I said no. She said just to keep my head down and do my BA's, lol. She also said some SLO's might be leaving, so I had to keep an eye out for those positions, because that's what she did. She said Rheem was pregnant and then said something about Amy without divulging anything else.

I was extremely flattered she thought I had even the potential to be an SLO. It was probably my fantasy, but for her to say it actuated the whole thing and made it unbelievable. At the time I was thinking "no way", and instead I complimented her by saying I had been thinking I could just follow her for the rest of my career. I said this because she said she was up for rotation and I said I didn't want her to leave. What I meant was that I was actually quite happy with things right now, even though I'm in the lowest position. But it's the most money I've ever made in my life, and I'm grateful for that. So now she wants me to ask for more? Hmmm. I hope she didn't take what I said to be something intended to manipulate her to stay. Nah, I'm sure she's more ambitious than that.

So anyway, I got changed and went home then drove to the Wick for the hospital. Went to the same damn waiting place where I spent my 90 or so minutes either sleeping or playing on my phone. That mean nurse was there, and I hoped I wouldn't have anything to do with her. It was getting closer to the end of the day, and I could see the room was getting emptier. At one stage, someone wasn't there for their appointment so the mean nurse just grabbed the woman with the two toddlers. Fair enough I thought, but I noticed an Asian guy who had been waiting even longer than me. He was actually pretty happy when he got called, lol.

I was actually the last one, and I don't know if they forgot about me or something, but the mean nurse had to come ask me who I was here to see, and eventually led me into one of the rooms.

I thought I would see the surgeon who supervised my operation, but it was the registrar. He tested the extension and flexion of my knee and said the extension had improved since he saw me last time. He keeps thinking it's been longer than it actually is and I have to keep reminding him. This time he thought it had been six weeks since the operation and I told him it was four.

Then at the end he said that if I didn't get FULL extension by the end of four weeks, they would put me under and forcefully straighten my leg.

That did not sound good.

I was confident that what I was doing in rehab was doing its job, albeit slowly, but at the same time I wondered if there was really some physical impediment to me extending my knee.

After that I went back to get my car and again just made it out in time for the free parking, hehe. I went home and then went back to the gym to do my exercises.

I had two options: see a movie, or see Hannah.

I was very adamant on the first, because I wanted to watch Salt, only to find out that it wasn't released yet :( Anyway, I went to the cinemas to see what was on, and I got there by about 8:30pm. The next movie would start at 9:20pm, and even though there was nothing good, I couldn't be bothered waiting, so made the call and booked Hannah.

I got to the place and managed to walk up the stairs ok (or so I thought). I told them who I had booked and was led to the room where I waited. After a while, she popped up in front of the door. She seemed surprised to see me. She looked pretty cute standing there, but as soon as she spoke it brought me back down to earth. It's funny, cause Naby was opposite - everytime I saw her for the first time I didn't think much of her, but once we got into the room she was the most beautiful girl ever.

She gave me a hug which took me by surprise, because it seemed like something friends would do. I may have come off as a bit distant in that hug.

I asked her how she was and all that stuff and then we showered. Something was letting us hear what was being said either in the room next door or at reception, it was so faint it was hard to tell.

Massage went as normal, and as she was massaging my left hamstring, I thought about how this wasn't all that unproductive - at least my legs were getting a work out. She remembered which leg was my bad leg, which I have to give her a point for.

She seemed to be pretty into it when we got into things, and then afterwards she put a facial mask on me as we talked. She sat on my left and I asked her what was her favourite food. She ultimately said KFC, she liked the twister. She said sometimes customers would bring food to her, like candy or hamburgers, and I think she said she would go with them after work. Not sure what she meant exactly, because she said "after work" but I'm not sure if she meant after the customer's work or after her work.

Anyway, I said (jokingly) that I'd take her to KFC one day to buy her a twister, and she was so happy she started clapping. I remember Naby's response to things like that would just be a cute "chincha?" Hannah seemed so happy I had to throw a bit of water on it by saying "just one" which calmed her down a bit. I wonder if she really wants to go.

I also asked her about massages in general, and she seemed to talk about it with a lot of knowledge and some pride. It was like talking to a 'normal' masseuse who didn't take off their clothes.

During the entire session I kept looking at her. I tried to hold eye contact as if to create some sort of romantic connection, but each time she would look down and away. I remember Naby would look me right back, and I especially remember that time I got on top of her and said I wanted to remember her, and she emphatically blinked at me, lol.

Anyway, we had our separate showers and I told her that 'Hannah' backwards was Hannah. She didn't get it at first, and then told me that her name was spelt 'Hana', as in "Hana's pies" next door. That really made me laugh, the fact that she would remember that shop next door, lol. I asked her if she owned it and she said she wished.

We held hands as we walked out and down the stairs, and one of the reception ladies asked her what she did to me, obviously seeing that I was limping down the stairs even though it didn't feel like it.

I left and went home, content for the night and ready for the next day of rehab.

Saturday
I got to the gym late but got my stuff done anyway, including the new set of exercises. Afterwards I went back home and started backing up some of my things on the computer because I wanted to format it because it was getting slow.

At close to 2pm I left again for the gym and did my stuff, and then went to pick up Malay. I was a bit late, but it didn't matter anyway cause he was sleeping and forgot to woke up.

We went to the shopping centre near me to look for a present for Brain. I had two ideas: those body building supplements or a magic eight ball. We couldn't find the magic eight ball so ended up getting him the supplements from the supermarket.

I noticed quite a few girls were looking at the skin I was wearing. Two girls seemed to have been looking at it from behind and then walked in front to turn around to look at me. Hmmm.

As Malay and I headed back to the car, I got a call from Ele. At first I ignored it, but then realised that she may have spotted me in the shopping centre so I called back. After asking how I was, she asked if I was avoiding Jessica, referencing Jessica's invite to dinner that night. I said I wasn't and joked that I was in fact avoiding her. I then said that it was Brain's birthday and Malay and I had just gotten him a present. I also said that I had gotten Monopoly so I could bring it the next time they had board games, and she said she would hold it the coming Friday.

Damn, am I going about this Jessica thing the wrong way?

I dropped Malay off at home and I then went to return a DVD and on the way I saw Gurang. I spent a bit of time at home because G was picking us up at 6pm.

When I saw him, he told me someone had hit his car at the lights and showed me the damage. It wasn't much, but if it was me I would've been pissed through the roof cause it was a brand new car.

Anyway, Malay came moments later and so we all drove out to the city. We met with Brain and Scope at the cinema, and then Thai came later.

We went to a fairly expensive Japanese restaurant. Seeing the girls there, I wondered if Naby had been there before. Having a look at the prices on the computer screen, it was a bit of a shocker, and I could tell it affected G because everything he chose was just whatever was the cheapest, lol.

The food was good, but the servings were very small. I couldn't help but feel the pinch, but told myself that it was Brain's birthday so I had to shut up. We had a good time, but then G started stabbing the fish with his chopsticks which really annoyed me. I seriously wondered how he could have a girlfriend and I didn't.

After dinner, we said we were still hungry and started walking along the streets. I don't know if we just bumped into Thai's friends by accident or if it was part of the plan, but they joined us anyway and we went to ice cream. I had seen one of the girls before, and the guy looked familiar. There was another girl who also looked kinda pretty, but was really not my type.

I spent the ice cream time talking to G and Scope. G annoyed me again when he wanted to do something to the ice cream and I just told him in an annoyed tone to just have his share, lol.

After ice cream we ended up going to this club, mainly because Brain wanted to, because he thought he could pick up girls. That really annoyed me. The bouncers tried to charge us $10 entry fee each, and when we walked away they said they'd let us in for free if we bought drinks. Hmmm.

Anyway, we went in and after bathroom visits, found ourselves at the pokies and I put in $5 for all of us to play. It's technically gambling, but I didn't consider it to be a breach of my rules. Hey, I wasn't throwing $1000 onto a roulette table. I didn't find it addictive, but I began t see how it could be. It lured you to play by making you lose a lot, then win a bit, then lose a lot. Typical gambling maths really.

After that we basically sat around for the whole night. I really only spoke to G, Scope and Malay who wer ethe closest to me. Brain, who sat next to the pretty girl at times, never even made the effort to talk to her. Needless to say, he didn't talk to any other girls. WHAT IS THE POINT OF GOING THERE TO MEET GIRLS IF YOU'RE NOT GOING TO TRY?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Fuckign waste of time.

I got annoyed as each minute passed by. What made things worse was there was a fat lady hanging around in our view which we couldn't seem to get rid of.

I watched other people and just could never understand the clubbing scene. The music was so loud you couldn't talk, the girls were all fat, and the guys all wore the same thing and had the same hair style. That's cool?!?!

I also observed Brain a bit. Sure, he had dressed nicely and had a nice haircut, but (and perhaps I made this same mistake years ago) he doesn't seem to realise that to get girls, you need more than your outer appearance. He probably thinks that if he has the look, then girls will be coming to him. But what he doesn't have is personality.

I was so glad when we finally got out of there. Bloody waste of time. Malay, Thai and I caught the bus home, and Thai told us his wife might be pregnant, which was pretty exciting news.

Today
Plan was to do three rehab sessions, which I achieved.

In the morning, I went to the gym at the Wick, then went to the shopping centre near me to have some fish and chips (because I had a craving) and then went home. I bummed around a bit before going to the gym at Bondy, then went home, and then finally finished off at the gym in the Bra.

My knee is smashed.

Some notes:
- On the bike, I can do a lot faster now. I even passed 100rpm today at Bondy, but at the Bra took it easy because I was exhausted by then.

- pushing my knee down, I slip my fingers in and it feels almost as the same as my good leg. Almost.

- standing against the wall, I still cannot touch the wall with my calve, unless I put my good foot forward, but I consider that cheating. Faaaaark.

- I've started modification of the exercise where I push my knee down against the towel; instead, I now rest my knee down on the towel and hyper-extend my leg upwards. It's hard at first, but gets a lot easier. On my first set at the Bra, I couldn't do it at all, but could do it on the next.

Right now I can't see myself getting full extension anytime soon, but maybe four weeks is a long time to achieve that.

Hot new para

Yesterday Alanna wasn't in because she was sick. I thought it was weird when by 9:30am she hadn't checked in. It's very unlike her. I secretly hoped she would call me to say she was sick, but guess she called someone else.

A new para started yesterday. She is HAWT! Paul introduced her to me in my room, and it was like this:

Paul: [insert name here] this is Hayley.

Me: Hi, nice to meet you.

Hayley: Nice to meet you too.

.............

Me: Ok...

You did NOT just say 'ok'!!!

Fark me dead...

Anyway, it was kinda boring without Alanna, with no one to ask questions of. I spent the whole day preparing for my hearing. At lunch, I was trying to decide what would be the most cost effective way to buy lunch for the rest of the week, since the next day I'd have a hearing, and on Friday I'd be leaving early.

So should I buy soup and bread, or just go out for lunch every day? And then I remembered: I had a lunch thing with Elleon on Wednesday. How could I forget? Well that tips the balance at least.

Oh, and Karina returned to work as well. In the morning, I was walking past the kitchen and heard some female voices talking. I assumed it was just a bunch of girls catching up about the weekend, but when I turned it was Karina with Genie and Gonaz.

She smiled at me and I went to say hello. I said I thought I caused her some serious harm because the last time I saw her was when I took her to KFC. She said she didn't think it was that. She looked healthy, but a bit pale, in a recovering kinda way. We caught up a bit but it didn't feel proper cause the other two were around.

I went to Market City for lunch to get some take away and bought a small orange juice for Karina. She was away at lunch when I returned, and I placed it on her desk. Later in the day, just before 4pm, I went to see her and we had a proper catch up. She said she just stayed at home all the time and watched day time tv. I wondered if the guy she was 'dating' ever went to visit her. The fact that her parents weren't around the whole time made it a bti more suspicious.

I told her about my knee surgery and she seemed concerned/interested.

I left work at about 6:30pm, went home and then to the gym. I had gone in the morning (got there kinda late), but I still felt the need to do it, more out of peace than anything else. I found that when I stuck my two fingers underneath my right knee, they didn't seem to go in as much before making contact, so I felt that was a bit of improvement.

Today I went to Court for a hearing. I saw Yoshi there and we chatted a bit before I went away to prepare. There was a guy next to her, and at first I thought it was the defendant but then she introduced him to me as Daniel, so I figured he was the informant. But later on, I wondered if it was her boyfriend? He didn't seem that excited to be there, and they didn't talk at all. I figured if he was the informant, they should at least make some polite conversation.

My hearing went ok, it hasn't finished. I watched as the girl gave evidence. She just didn't seem like the type to commit fraud. I felt sorry for her cause she was a nurse, and god knows the last thing we need is less nurses. Having gone into the hospital recently, I can say that I very much appreciate the work of nurses.

At the end of the day, I caught the train back to the city. I was soo tired. I checked my emails and saw on the status screen that Zena had gone to do the list, but I thougth Heath had gone? Because I gave him the file. I asked Dugon about it and she said Zena went, and seemed to have all the files. I was still worried, so I went to find Heath but he had gone home.

When I left, I saw Dugon talking to Zena downstairs. Zena was telling her about her day doing the list. Then Zena lowered her voice and asked me "you're friends with Katie right? What's her problem?" and then told me that she had an issue with one of Katie's files during the list so she called Katie, and Katie told her to call the informant.

I didn't want to bad mouth her, so I just said she was alright and that we all couldn't be best friends with everyone. And then they both said something strange. They said that I better not be giving Katie mango puddings (since I give them mango puddings). I thought that was another example of how women wanted control over you even though they had no interest in you (like how Naby didn't want me to see other girls).

Anyway, after that I went to Myer to see if they had any cheap ties and /or shirts. No ties, but plenty of shirts, just not my size.

The Naby effect

My intentions today were to go into work, but I figured that my card wouldn't work anyway, so just decided to relax.

I wanted to get to the gym at 9am when it opened, but bludged a bit and got lazy. I ended up going there at about noon, which made things a bit difficult because they closed at 6pm on Sundays.

Over the last few days, I've discovered that my right knee is cracking again. The type of crack you feel when you crack your knuckles. I can only take this to be a good sign. Also, doing the exercise where I push my knee down, I've eralised that when I stick my two fingers underneath, there seems to be a little bit less room to do so now, which is great.

The bike's a lot easier now. When I started I reckon I was doing about 26-30 rpm, and now I can do about 50 rpm. Of course, it's not about speed, I still try to peddle with my heel down.

After gym, I went to the video store and rented Knowing. I felt like a movie, but knew I might not have time to watch it. I bought some chips and then headed off to the shopping centre near me. I had two things in mind: 1) a leg sleeve because the one the hospital gave me is nearing four weeks old, and I don't want a smell attached to it; and 2) a tie I saw Barney Stinson wear which I KNOW I have seen in Myer before.

I went to Myer first and found a really really nice black tie with rectangular patterns. It was $40 and I figured I'd get that. The Barney Stinson tie was there but at $50. I wanted it, but not at $50. But when I paid, turns out that it had the 50% discount, so I only paid $20. I also asked if the $20 gif card I received could be used by someone else, and the girl said yes, so I saved it to give to my mother.

As I walked to Rebel, I wondered if the Barney Stinson tie also had 50% off. I didn't want to go back just in case the girl had made a mistake and my tie actually wasn't supposed to be 50% off. So I decided to go to the Myer in Bondy after checking out Rebel.

I was hungry and thirsty so I had a small Macca's meal before heading off. It was probably a very fuel inefficient way of going about my business, but eh, I had time.

I went to Bondy and checked out Myer. Indeed, they had the tie, and at $35!!! With the 50% discount it was $17.50. I was pretty happy with myself as I walked out. I just bought two very nice ties at 50% off. Wow.

I went to the Bondy gym as well to do my rehab. As I walked there I thought about how all this seemed like a full-time job. Rehab in the morning, rehab again at night.

As I did my exercises, I felt that my knee was a bit itchy. Sometimes it was like this, but today it seemed a lot itchier than usual. It made the pushing down easier to bear.

When I cycled, I watched as people boxed with the punching bag and their partners. It made me want to do it. Maybe I can get into boxing when I get better? Imagine that, I return as...a boxer.

I went home and gave the card to my mom, and then watched Knowing. Good movie, I reckon probably the last good movie Nicholas Cage made. Don't know why he's in that sorcerer one.

In terms of my knee, I think for bending I'm progressing as normal, but with straightening it, it's coming along very slowly. I'll just have to be patient. I'm already feeling a bounce in my step, only to be stopped by the pain at the wound area which holds me back.

I also thought about Naby today. Specifically, I thought about the 'chemistry' we had. In the back of my mind, I always knew it was fake, because I paid for it. But now that I've been with Hanna, maybe Naby and I did click in some way, shape or form? I can remember the laughs and giggles after sex. That wasn't there with Hanna, even though she was very easy to get along with. At the end of the day, it comes down to this: she's not Naby.

I can't believe I'm starting to miss her after all this time, a month after she's gone, whereas when she left I didn't really feel anything. But it makes me wonder: will I be able to be intimate with girls without having to think about Naby?

What if she's back now but has just lost my number?

Malay's birthday

I went to the casino! But I didn't gamble =)

Yesterday morning I went to the gym for rehab and finished up on the bike as normal. I then went for a hair cut (finally!) because I didn't want to look like a bum for my hearing on Tuesday. I told the lady to just cut the sides and back, and she cuts all over. Oh well. Dumb and Dumber haircut all over again.

I then went home wanting to shower, but the tub was being used by my mom to clean something, so I waited for her to get home. I went downstairs to wash my car, and got it all sparkling clean again. I used a bit of touch up paint on the front right arch which makes space for the tyre because it had been scratched a bit. Not saying my dad did it, but I can't remember doing it.

Even after mom got home, I decided I didn't have much time left so I drove out to work to get a bit done. I had half read a case on Friday and for some reason I had the urge to finish reading it. My access card didn't work for some reason, but luckily some guy was driving into the car park, so I just walked in. He asked about me and I showed him my card, and then he said I should use the doors.

Don't you think I would if I could you fucker?

I snapped back at him that they weren't working and walked to the lifts. I did sort of finish reading the case, but then there were some repetition which I couldn't be bothered figuring out which was repetitious and which was not, so I went back home and had a shower.

I headed to the gym again for rehab, and couldn't believe how long I was in there for because it was time to pick Malay up. He had messaged me asking if we could go a bit earlier, so I rushed to get home and asked him to wait for me at my place. Unfortunately there was a lot of traffic, so I got stuck a bit, but finally saw him at my place, so I went up and changed and then we went to my car.

We got stuck in traffic too, but it was a good time to talk. I don't think he really wanted to go to the casino because he doesn't like gambling, but he was too nice to outright say no. I probably stuffed it up in terms of organising, but G being a dick didn't really help. So yeah, that's my excuse. I was actually trying very hard to hint to Shuing to organise it, like asking him where he thought we should go and that, but he never took up the hints. I thought he was the best person since he had the most time on his hands now.

When Malay questioned the choice of venue via messaging, I said no one was gambling, we were just going for the buffet. And I was adamant about that - at least for me.

We were stuck in some really bad traffic but finally made it to the city where he had to stop off for a bit to pick up a usb drive. We then went to the casino and were about half an hour late. We met with Shuing who was close to arriving as well, whilst the others were already there.

They said they were lining up for the buffet, so we went to the line and the lady stopped us. Shuign said we had friends waiting in line already so she let us go. Turns out that they were actually waiting in line downstairs, that's how long the line was! I walked back out with my head down and we joined them at the bottom.

I found it a bit hard to get talking with them at first. I think Thai was upset we were late, but Brain was just...Brain. It didn't take long before we made it back upstairs, but there we waited a long time in the line. G suggested going somewhere else which pissed me off, and Shuing said it wasn't a good idea because then we'd just end up wandering around and saying let's go back to the casino, lol.

I noticed Brain was dressed almost exactly the same as Malay: white shoes, jeans, grey jacket with a white shirt underneath. It was pretty amazing, lol. I sent Shuing a text about it and he checked it and called me an idiot because Brain was right behind him, but he didn't see it.

As we edged closer to the front, Shuing, G and I discussed how the money would be split up to cover for Malay. It was $40 per person and $46 per person to cover Malay. You got a 10% discount if you were a member. After much discussion, we decided the best way would be to pay individually and then leave the change to the next person, which would eventually add up to cover Malay. Shuing chucked a bit of a fit when he thought there was potential of him paying more than his share (which I call a long standing tradition). I thought it was a bit childish of him, but maybe he had a point, lol.

I told Brain the plan and he looked back at me like "why are you telling me? I'm just one person. If you tell others and they do it, then I'll follow". I got pretty pissed off right there and then. The guy just has no sense of direction at all.

Anyway, when we got to the cashier, I got my discount but then G and Shuing couldn't get theirs because their cards didn't work. Shuing had a bit to say to the guy but didn't create much of a scene. Funnily enough, Scope's card worked, lol.

Even after paying we had to wait in line. I couldn't help but glance continuously at the lady organising the tables, she was fairly attractive. Or maybe the fact that she was busy at work made her attractive.

We eventually got our tables, and as Shuing noted, it was in the same area that we were in last time we were here. I felt a bit disappointed to be sitting away from Malay, but didn't say anything. When I came back with my food, I noticed he had changed seats to sit next to me. I think it was Shuing's doing.

My plan for the night was to get small fillings on each trip so that I didn't fill myself up too fast, and to go easy on the carbs because they weren't worth much and filled you up a lot. But I couldn't help but go for chips and gravy a bit, hehe. I think on every trip I made (three) I came back with gravy on top, lol.

I sat opposite Thai's wife, and noticed that, as always, she was quiet but made herself appear to be happy just to be there. In that sense, she was similar to Eva. I tried to make convo with her, but it had to be general since her English wasn't very good.

As we ate, I noticed G had built himself up a bit of rubbish on the table. When I said something, it got everyone's attention and G was like "well where am I supposed to put it?" He then did the unthinkable and placed a serviette on top of the pile, as if it would cover it up and no one would notice, LOL! It was like trying to cover up a corpse with a napkin. I seriously wondered how this dude has a girlfriend and got so many dates from the online dating site, when I can't even get one. FUCK!

One thing I noticed about Shuing was that he always wanted to know everything. Maybe he thinks it's about him or something, I don't know. But like sometimes I would just make a comment to Malay, and Shuing would pick it up and ask what we were talking about. Or when I joked that Brain (who was sitting next to G) could pretend he didn't know G by asking him "excuse me sir, but do you have the time?" and Shuing missed it but kept wanting to know what we were laughing about.

Malay and I made a few trips to get food together. He was on some adventure to collect as many types of potato as possible, lol.

Towards the end, I saw G shift to his left and sneeze onto the ground without covering his mouth. The old man at the table next to him looked at him for a long time, and I seriously thought he was going to say something. Far out. I give up.

When we all reached dessert, I made a bit of a fun time out of asking people who had jello's to turn it upside down for a photo, hehe.

We were all pretty much stuffed by the end (as expected). The long running joke about G's pile of food kept going, and became more realistic as time went on. The staff there were very quick to pick up dirty plates, but they seemed to make a conscious effort to not clean up that mess. When we stood up to leave, Malay said one of the cleaners just stood there looking at G's mess. My half of the table, on the other hand, looked pretty damn clean.

I wanted to go for a walk around the casino to watch. When we entered initially, I saw that a lot of the place had been renovated. In a way, it brought back some memories, as if it was a basketball court I used to play on a lot. But then I saw the roulette tables and thought that everyone playing was stupid. For a second, I saw it in a foreign light.

But we ended up walking out, and my plan was to go bowling, so we did, but Malay came with me because I had to move my car. I told him that I was afraid Shuing was over-analysing everything and creating tension where there wasn't. For example, he reckons Ele hates him just because he beats her in poker. But I guess the truth for me is that I fear how accurate his analyses are. While we were lining up at the buffet, he said he wanted to pay after eating so he wouldn't end up paying more than his share, and started telling me that it was a legal right and that everything else worked that way where you pay after the service. I said not everything was like that and suggested prostitution. He asked me how I knew...

Anyway, I found a golden spot which was really close to where the bowling alley was. I think Malay wasn't really interested in bowling either. He said it was a "Michelle thing" to do, and just wanted to sit around having a coffee. It worked out in his favour anyway because the bowling place said we had to wait half an hour, so we just decided to go downstairs for a coffee.

We ended up getting stuff from this ice cream shop which also made coffee. I didn't buy anything mainly because I didn't feel like anything, and also because I figured I'd try to save some money seeing that I'd paid more than my share for the buffet but didn't say anything.

So we sat around the table talking, and I was taking the piss out of G by teaming up with Scope to say that Woody from Toy Story was real and that he had no way to prove otherwise, lol. Then we got talking about Michael L's facial expression in every photo, how it's always the sleepy look. Even at his own wedding, he had that look. I don't get it man. And I don't get why Eva likes him. I don't get any of this shit!!!

Malay could see that Thai's wife was getting tired, so he suggested leaving, which we did after a few more minutes. G took Brain, Scope and Shuing in his car, and I took Malay, Thai and his wife.

It wasn't as boring as I thought, because we just joked about pedestrian lights and trying to piss off other drivers. It probably wasn't the best night we could've had since I seemed to pick everything Malay didn't like, but I guess at the end of the day, all that matters is that we were all together.

Hanna

On Thursday morning I got lazy and woke up late, so got to the gym at around 7:30am. Since my physio appointment was at 8:30, most people probably wouldn't have bothered, but I really really wanted to warm up my leg to show him how much improvement there had been.

So I did some brief exercises before heading off, once again carrying the crutch instead of using it. I don't think he's ever seen me use the crutch when we meet.

He got me to lie down flat on my tummy on the bed, which was a bit uncomfortable because of my knee sticking up. He applied some sort of gel and started massaging my calve. It really hurt. It hurt so much that he had to keep telling me to relax. I thought it was going to feel good, but it was quite painful. I told him the doctor told me that I had three weeks to straighten my leg or else it would never straighten, and he sounded annoyed that the doctor had said that to me and told me not to listen to him.

After the massage I sat up on the bed and he asked me to straighten my leg, which I did. He took a look at the gap without the measuring tool and said something like three degrees, and said it had improved. I was glad he said there was improvment, but at the same time I wished he had measured it just to be sure.

After that he got me onto the bike, and I was so proud to show him I could do a full revolution. It was a bit hard at first, maybe due to the bike, but I got it done. I was hoping for a bit of praise, but instead, he directed me to use my heel to push down instead of the front of my foot, to feel the whole leg stretch. I must admit, it's a lot harder to cycle this way.

He had me cycle on the bike for the next 15 minutes while he was with another patient, which I didn't mind. He yelled out at one stage to ask how I was doing, and I yelled back ok, but I thought that any lazy bugger probably would've just been sitting there idly yelling back ok, lol.

After that we made an appointment for 9am next week, he said he wants to spend a bit more time with me. Not sure if it's because he thinks my knee needs more work than normal, hmmm. As I stood there waiting for him to book me in on the computer, I had my knee bent which is what I do when I wanna relax it, and he told me not to do that. He told me to try to keep it as straight as possible.

I went back to the shopping centre to get my car, and was ready to pay for it when the machine spat my ticket back out without charging me. I saw that I had like three minutes left. I hurried to my car and wondered if I would make it. I was pretty excited, lol. I tried to speed from my spot to the gates, and...MADE IT! Hehehe.

I went back home and then caught the bus out to work. I bumped into Malay's mom on the bus and she offered me her seat because she knew I had the surgery. I declined a few times but she really insisted, so I took it, and was kinda glad, because I the physio earlier really smashed my knee, and now I was feeling it.

We talked on the bus, and she said something about friends not lasting, which I thought was a bit strange. Hmmm.

I got to work and changed, then had a file review with Alanna. Everything went pretty straight forward, and we started talking about the agreement thing, and she said I was performing like a level 2 (which is what I should be) bordering on SLO. I thought that was a high compliment, and was a bit stunned. I mean, in my mind, that was my goal, but it was a bit of a shock for someone else to see that. I've always been meaning to compliment her back whenever she praises me, but I always forget, being lost in trying to record the compliment and holding the moment.

During lunch, I felt like eating out so I went out, but walked around and then felt like having my soup in the office, so I just went back to the office. While I was waiting for my soup in the microwave, I did the exercise where I pushed my knee back against the draws, and found that my calve could touch it. Maybe it was improvement? Or maybe it was because the shoes I was wearing weren't as thick as the ones I wear to the gym?

After work I went to the gym, but only did one set of each, because my knee felt REALLY tired from the physio. I felt that if I did my normal thing, something was going to break. I always did eight chin ups just for the hell of it.

On Friday morning I got lazy again and didn't even go to the gym. When I left for work, there was a bus which I tried to run for. I think I galloped. But what held me back was the front of my leg where the incision had been. It feels like that's stretching a lot when I try to run.

I went to work and did three sets of pushing my knee down before changing. Heath, Lewis and I were supposed to go for a steak lunch, but Lewis was sick, so I thought I'd just go with Heath, but when I went to get him, he had invited that Lorn guy and that Powel guy. It was good, I enjoyed the lunch (steak was yum) but as I sat there listening to them talk, I thought about how lucky I was to have Alanna as my supervisor. I don't think I would like this Powel guy as my supervisor. But at the same time, I couldn't picture having lunch with Alanna.

Just the day before, Alanna and I were waiting to see Wendy, and I found that we had nothing to talk about outside of work. Maybe she just wanted to listen to see when Wendy was finished, but she didn't seem to say much, and I found myself trying to initiate conversation.

I didn't really ask Alanna that many questions on Thursday or Friday, which hopefully gave her some time to do her own work. I noticed she left kinda early on Friday afternoon, just before I headed over to ask a question.

I stayed till about 6pm and then hurried to leave as I didn't want to be left with just Wendy and the boss. Emma held the lifts open for me and we had a bit of a chat about taking work home.

I went home and then went to the gym. I just want to say here that I quite enjoy doing these rehab exercises. It's peaceful, it's kinda like doing yoga or meditating. I kinda look forward to the peace each time I head out for it.

Anyway, I was feeling a bit lonely on a Friady night, and began pondering about going for a massage, or even gambling. When I went to the computer store to get my modem, that was actually quite close to the casino and it had crossed my mind to win some money for the modem and webcam. But I resisted, and I was glad I did.

As I laid there doing my exercises, I told myself that I didn't want to lay here the next day feeling dirty about having gambled again, so that wiped that from the equation. I told myself I would have a look at my knee in the changing room when I finished to decide about massage.

In the changing room, I peeled off a bit of the leg sleeve I was wearing (which is great by the way, I'm so used to it now) and saw all the dried off skin it had caused and the wound.

Nah, it's gonna be gross if a girl sees that.

So, that was that. Or so I thought.

I decided to go for a bit of a drive. There were no good movies to watch, but I had in mind maybe going for a solo dinner. But as I drove, I became convinced that a massage was what I needed. All I needed was a quiet spot to stop so I could take my leg sleeve off.

I stopped near the casino, and again, the thought of trying to win some to help witht he massage cost had crossed my mind. I took my off shoe and slid the sleeve off in the darkness of my car. And then, I was ready.

I went to the shop I used to go to regularly. The stairs proved not to be much trouble for me. I was ushered into a waiting room where four girls were introduced to me.

The first girl, Hanna, looked pretty and also, familiar. I thought maybe I had seen her in a line up before but hadn't picked her. I can't remember the second, but the third was a girl called Leonnie or something, who was very cute, but I figured she had too much make up on. The fourth girl was too big, and I don't think I could withstand her even with a good knee.

So it was a hard choice between Hanna and Leonnie.

In the end, I went with Hanna.

She came moments later to pick me up. She held out her hand and I took it, but then asked for the toilet where I quickly let her hand go. She tried to grab it back, but failed, and I just went to the toilet.

When I went to the room, she had come out halfway to see where I was. When I went in, she said I had seen her before. She said my name, and said she had seen me about four months ago. Now that was starting to accord to my memory, and I was trying to remember what she was like when I saw her. I was glad I didn't see Stacy in the line up, and was sure I remembered only one crazy girl which was Stacey. Everyone else seemed ok, so Hannah must've been ok?

We had a shower, and she used a sponge scrub thing to wash me, and when she got to my right leg I cringed a bit but she didn't wash it too hard. She told me she had been to Korea and back for a holiday between the last time I saw her and now. I wondered if she had somehow seen Naby (but I guess the times wouldn't add up).

It was only until after the shower that I told her about my injured leg and to stay away from it. I got onto the massage table awkwardly. As I laid there with her massaging me, I kept trying to remember the time I saw her. I remember her face and name, but nothing of the session. I also tried to remember if it was during the whole Naby thing, but it couldn't have been, because I was pretty faithful to Naby while she was here (as silly as that sounds).

I also wondered what it was about me that made her remember me. Was it my appearance? My name? What did I say to her?

The massage was ok, and I cringed a bit everytime she put a bit of pressure onto my right leg inadvertently, but overall she didn't hurt it. I even found myself trying to do some exercises like pushing my kene down against the bed, lol. In trying to finish, I thought about Naby to help me. Was that wrong? Throughout the whole thing, I just thought "this isn't Naby".

When we finished, she laid to my right on her tummy to talk to me. I instinctively put my arm up as if to invite her to lean into me so I could hold her, until I realised she wasn't Naby. So I put my arm behind my head as we talked. She said she liked the work because of the money, and I think money must've been pretty important to her. I tried to get out of her about what she did on her holiday, but she didn't say much.

I asked her about friends, and she said she didnt have any yet. I asked if she had a boyfriend and she said not yet. She said she works six days a week, and has Wednesdays off. Like all other girls, when I asked what she did on days off, she just said sleeping and eating.

We talked about the world cup, and I said I was hoping Korea would win, and she said "of course, we are Asian".

She went for a shower, and I found myself looking into the mirror in the ceiling, trying to do my exercises. I found that my left leg was indeed a bit longer than my right. Hmmm.

She came back and gave me a facial mask. She said she also did facials on days off, and I asked if this was what she did, and she said more expensive, and I joked that she was giving me a cheap one. She said the ones she got had people massaging her face, but couldn't really describe it.

She then examined my leg and said I had surgery. I asked her how she knew and she said she recognised the stitching. She askd me how I did it and I said I twisted it from basketball. She told me to be careful. In fact, she kept repeating that even after my shower as I was getting changed.

When we left, she kicked her box as she walked out, and that was when I remembered her. I remembered she did that last time and I thought she had a really care-free attitude. I said something about how that was like the world cup which made her laugh.

As always with this place, I exited out into the cold, returned to my car and went home.