NTM now has a baby...

Since I hadn't posted all week, I have been meaning to blog, but ever since I got onto my laptop, I didn't really have the motivation to do it.

Until now.

I was just flicking through facebook looking at the top news. Lollypop had a status update, something about her sister have a baby or something. Nothing interesting, so I clicked onto another site. But before the next page loaded, I caught NTM's name as someone who had commented on Lollypop's status. And her display picture was a baby.

So I went back to facebook to check. It was her. At first I thought maybe it wasn't her baby, maybe just someone else's baby, like how Kylie seems to use her relative's babies as her profile pic. But looking through her profile, it was obvious that she had married and now had a child.

Hmmm.

It kinda makes me think. She's made so much progress in her life since our paths divided, but here I am, still living at home and with a net worth of only around $2,000. I have gone nowhere in the last ten years. It also made me re-think about tomorrow's visit to Naby. To be honest, a large part of me doesn't want to go. I haven't been so long, that it now seems unusual to go, whereas before it was so routine it became so normal.

Anyway...

On Tuesday I was working late, just watching a SW video, when G called. He told me he wanted me to witness a speeding ticket he needed signed, and we agreed for him to come out to the city.

About 20 minutes later he called me saying he was downstairs. I met him at his car across the road, we talked a bit, just shooting shit really and I signed the thing. I didn't want to hang around too long as I had to go to the gym, but then he told me he and Sally broke up a couple of weeks ago.

Uh oh.

He invited me into his car, so I thought it would be good to chat. We talked about it, he wanted something to help him get over it. Maybe. I told him to delete her number and facebook, but he said he memorised her number. I asked if his parents had a role in the break up and he said yes. We also talked about my online dating, and possible joint property investments. I, of course, was just speaking mere puff, as I had no money to do such a thing.

Anyway, after that I went back into the office and pakced my stuff up and went to the gym. Afterwards, I got so hungry, I decided to go to Coles to buy a box of curry for the family to go with dinner, and I was also attracted to their '3 for $5' deal on chips, so I got those too. On the way to the bus stop I bumped into Carry as she was getting out of a taxi. We talked a bit. She was having her laser eye surgery the next day. I noticed her looking at my head, and then it clicked - I had shaved my head after we had dinner and before now.

On Thursday I went to court to sit in with Clare for her first DC sentence. We didn't get on until 2pm. When we were first stood down, we had about an hour to spare. I wasn't sure what my intentions were, but I asked if she wanted to have a coffee or go back to the office. Maybe I just wanted time alone with an attractive girl, or maybe I just wanted to rant. In any event, she elected to go back to the office. Good decision.

At one point when we returned to wait, she had all the stuff on her lap, and I was trying to be helpful so I said I'd take the correspondence file off her. I reached over, and as I grabbed it, I realised my left index finger scratched her thigh (she was wearing stockings). I wondered...did she think I did it deliberately? Would this be grounds for sexual harassment?

So from then on I was very wary.

When we finally got a start, I instructed her. She was ok. I think she has good demeanor and court etiquette. Her xx was ok too. She was, however, stumped when the judge asked her for subs. She wasn't prepared for that, and I think partly it was my fault, as I forgot to tell her the judge may ask for subs after xx. She obviously stumbled. But it was pain inflicted rather quickly. I'm sure she'll learn from it.

Although we didn't get judgment, I think she was pretty excited. I kept giving her praise, and when we returned to the office, Junar came to my room and I was telling her how good Clare was. Nunjo asked me about it as well and I said Clare was good.

I stayed back a bit and then went shopping. I was excited because I was going to buy a new pair of shoes. I went to Myer first and had a look. I narrowed it down to two pairs, and then went to DJ's to check it out. I found a pair I wanted, and it was cheaper too, but they didn't have my size. I went to another shop which was having a sale, but didn't see anything I liked. Besides, the girl working there seemed more interested in talking to her friends.

So I went back to Myer and bought a pair of Windsor-Smiths for $130. Can't believe I'm a size 6 for these shoes. I didn't want something too flashy, but not a school boy's pair either, and this fit perfectly. I went back to the office to leave them there and change.

Today in the morning, Junar noticed my shoes right away and said "nice kicks". I tried to pretend like it was nothing so ignored it, but was surprised at how much a nice pair of shoes could change appearance, and also how noticeable it was.

I had my own sentence matter. I really wanted to do it today because there's a bit of dispute between the cops and I, and the cop in charge wouldn't be there so it was the perfect opportunity. Alas, it was adj because the other side wanted more time.

I went with Nunjo and Turk - Nunjo because she had one and Turl because she wanted to watch. When we got there I saw the cop Beth so went to talk to her briefly, then Nunjo asked me something which led me away, and I ended up standing around watching everyone. There were so many people from our office there today - Frank, Katie, Evissa, and our in-house. I ignored Katie at first, but after a while my eyes glossed over her and she smiled at me. I so wasn't expecting it, so I didn't smile back, so she probably thought I still had something against her. I noticed she was wearing glasses now.

When everyone packed into the courtroom, there was a lot of waiting. I didn't know where to stand. I felt like Beth and Nunjo were looking at me, and maybe even Katie. God, and I was going to do a mention in front of all of them.

As I stood at the back to wait, I sometimes stole glances at Katie. I thought it was a bit...I don't know, ironic? that she was the one who started the whole Naby thing, and now that it has almost finished, she smiles at me again. I sometimes feel like maybe if I just sit stuff out instead of taking drastic and spontaneous action, then things will pan out eventually.

I watched Nunjo do her mention first, and my one was after hers. Nothing special. Didn't stuff up, but maybe I spoke too fast cause I was a bit nervous. Then we headed out and went back to the office.

Yesterday when I told her that my one would possibly get delayed, she asked if I wanted to do her one (the one I had given to her because I had a clash, and which Moira had given to me). I was a bit surprised she wanted to flick it off to me. I said we'd see how things unfolded.

So as we were walking back, she brought it back up, and I was like "up to you" and she played the same card, but in the end, I told myself to just bear it and take it, so I did. I didn't really want to. I felt like she just didn't want to do work; I thought she should've kept it because, despite me knowing the matter two months ago, she was at present much more informed about it than I was.

Grrr.

So I did some other work for a bit, and then prepared for the sentence between 11:30am and 2pm. I went out to get a sushi box in the middle of it, then at 2pm went to court with Turk.

It got bloody adj again, which was kinda frustrating, but in ay event, I didn't think the court had enough time to do our matter anyway.

So all that build up for today and...nothing.

We had an afternoon tea to farewell Junar (she's returning to level 10) and to welcome Jody. No speeches or anything, it was just like a gathering with some cakes and food. I couldn't stay away from the chips, lol. The whole thing was basically split into two groups: me, Ogre, Nunjo, Clare, Turk, Genie and everyone else.

After that I didn't really feel like working, so spent the two hours left preparing an application to be admitted to the High Court and just looking over my financial situation. I cannot believe, that I managed to save a bit of money last fortnight, which means this fortnight I'm able to buy a pair of shoes and see Naby. Imagine if I didn't see Naby!

I was so tired, I just went home. I planned to go to the gym, but was too tired. I just want to rest and enjoy the long weekend.

The near miss

My plan today was to go work on my shots and then go into the office. When I woke up hearing rain, I knew the first part of my plan was out of the question.

I bummed around the house long enough for my parents to come back, so I drove out to the office, got there just after 10:30am. I worked until 12:30pm, getting some sentencing subs done. As I was about to leave, I got an email from the cop in the matter suggesting that this matter was going to turn into a shit fight. Oh well, guess everyday can't be an easy one.

Although it was raining lightly before, it was now raining fairly heavily. I knew I had two choices: go gym, or go casino. I stood at the bottom of my office contemplating. In the end, I went to withdraw $800. As I headed back to my car, the rain got heavier, and it only got stronger as I drove to the casino. I began wondering if this was some sign to tell me not to go. I could see myself losing it all and feeling like shit in the rain. But at the same time, a small part of me felt like I would 'defy the odds' against nature and some higher being if I came out on top on this day.

It got so strong I contemplated parking inside the casino, which would've meant less profits given I only intended to win $100 and leave. Anyway, I decided to scope out the street parking situation first, and there was a spot fairly close by, so I parked there. Skipped buying a ticket and ran to the casino in the rain.

I went in, exchanged for eight $100 chips, and went to the area where the main roulette tables were. I placed a bet on third column and black on a populated table and...watched the dealer say it was a double. I thought it meant a loss for me and waited for her to place the dolly on a losing number, only to watch her place it on 18. Wow, I had just won $100 on my first spin again.

So, it was time to leave. But I had driven my dad's car on Friday night and today, and wanted to help with the petrol. I looked at my chips and thought about trying to win another $100, but I knew that was greed talking. But then I realised I could just split one of them into $25 chips and try to win $25 for petrol, so that's what I did. This time I did a safer bet - first dozen and 19-36, and it landed on 12. I won $25 more.

I felt fortunate and went to cash in. That was enough for me. I left and ran back to my car in the rain.

As I was driving through the city, I saw the green arrow for the right turn and tried to make it, even though I had plenty of time. I didn't think I was going too fast, but maybe I was for this weather. I ended up losing control of my car. At first, it felt like I had over-steered, and then I got that sick feeling in my stomach as I realised I didn't have control over my car anymore, watching it slide across the lane, like it was on ice. Finally it stopped and I managed to re-direct it back on path without a problem. Luckily there were no cars around at all, or else it would've smashed into them for sure.

As I drove the rest of the way, I was going pretty slow, around 50km/h. I wondered if it was just the weather, my tyres, or if this was another 'message' from a higher being about my gambling. Was it a sign to stop?

I went to fill the car up with $25 worth of petrol, then went to the gym in the Wick. I hadn't been here for so long, don't think I've ever even seen this female receptionist, who was not only hot, but friendly.

I did the bike, weights and abs, and then went home.

So in a way it was a fairly good day for me, fairly efficient, got my work done, won some money and worked out, but I wonder if I had done any damage in terms of reviving my gambling habit. At this stage I'm prepared to say no.

The Naby continues...

Man my legs are really killing me right now...so tired.

Monday
I would make a horrible, horrible criminal. So I had to fix up my mistake with one of my files...or 'cover up' hehe. I was out of time for filing something, but wanted to see if I could file it anyway.

I gave a file to Susan for the list the next day, figuring if anyone asked me where I was, I could say I was upstairs with Susan. Then I left the building to go to court, bumped into someone from work - first witness. As I was walking there, I saw Mario and Tim coming back from court - second and third witnesses.

I got there probably around 10:30am, figuring everyone should be inside the courtrooms, but when I got to the registry, everyone was standing outside! And I saw a few people who recognised me, so that was like fourth, fifth, sixth...to x witnesses. Fucking hell.

Anyway, I filed it without any problems. But then the next day I realised after talking to Moira that I was supposed to file something else with it as well! So now the two documents have different date stamps, and the first document I filed has the same date as my brief to Troy - you think he'll pick that up?

On Thursday I had court for one of Mary's matters, it was just in for judgment. But it was at 3pm, so it was like waiting for a whole day in the office, and got tired by then. Funny thing was, as we were sitting outside the courtroom, I noticed as the cop was talking to the other side, he kept using his thumb, wet with his saliva, to rub clean his shoes. It was funny cause as of late I've had a thing for nice work shoes, and I would've never noticed these things before.

The judge made an error in calculating the dates, so I had to correct him, far out.

On Friday I had to go for judgment again for a co-ey, and he ended up getting 16 and 10 - wow! This was much bigger - the whole entourage was there, and more cops showed up this time. As I sat there writing as the judgment was read out, I wondered what people thought about the back of me, scratching my head at times.

I noticed Penny getting stirred up about something during it, and I thought "god lady, just leave it alone". I'm sure her barista felt the same way.

Later that day, I got a message from Naby. Like I said before, I knew I'd get one, just didn't know when, and didn't think it'd be this soon.

Naby @ 15:57 - How a u???

When I saw it, I felt...I don't know. I felt like I didn't want to respond to it. Partly because I didn't know what to say, partly because I had told myself to ignore her next message, and partly because I suspected the timing of this was to get me to see her on the weekend.

So I didn't reply, figuring I could use the excuse that I was busy at work, so I'd reply later. But I didn't end up replying later. We had a Spring Drinks at 4:30pm, and Genie came to pick me up for that, when I was already rushing to get some things done.

We went down to level 7, and saw there were a few people there, mainly from our level. I asked Clare for a 7-up just to get my $5 worth, breaking my two week plus abstinence from soft drinks. I talked to Vera a bit, and then Cameron, and then Linda joined in. I knew I had to meet Ele so was very conscious about making an exit.

After Linda left our convo (fortunately she had the balls to just walk away without saying anything lol) I talked to Cameron a bit more before just telling him I had to go. I felt a bit slack, but at the same time, it was probably easiest to do it to him of all people, lol. From what I hear, he seems like a bit of a doormat. And I thought I was a doormat, but he's much worse.

So I walked to meet Ele at our usual place, and saw her coming out of the train station. I asked her why she came out that way and she said she nearly forgot, lol.

Maybe it was because we only met last week, or because I had an ulterior motive, but we didn't seem to have that same 'spark' during our conversations. My ulterior motive was to walk her to pole dancing so I could see if that was really Caz that we passed last time. But alas, she said she hurt her neck last time so she wasn't going.

I walked her to Central, and she told me that she had signed the paperwork to proceed with the purchase of a property. I was happy for her, but at the same time, it made me realise how delusional I was. A small part of me still thinks she likes me - despite her telling me about her purchase of a place with her husband.

The other thing was, it was another thing in my life that slapped me in the face to make me realise I needed to start saving money now. When I asked her if she got paid on Thursdays, she said she gets paid on the 15th of every month and I said it must suck to be paid monthly. She said I must not save money because someone who saves would be able to deal with it. She was spot on.

I also made the mistake of being too frank with her. She said Bill had been looking for a girlfriend and recently found one. I half joked that he beated me, and mentioned G as well, and said "I mean, look at him, pffff, who would think he could get a girlfriend?" She laughed but said I was mean and said she was going to tell him. I half believed she was, and she kept saying that as we walked to Central.

When we got to Central, she kept bringing that up, and then finally admitted it was "semi-true", lol. I knew everyone thought that way about G. We also talked about watching the footy, and I said maybe next season cause this one is nearly finished, but she insisted.

After a while, I finally parted as I felt conversation was drying up. Thing was, I knew I had to go to dinner but I didn't really care. If conversation was going good I would've stayed there with Ele.

Anyway, I caught a bus back home and got the car straight away cause I was running late. I drove to the place for dinner which wasn't too far. Actually it was on the late to Naby's shop. If I had my credit card, I would've been tempted to go that night.

I found the place relatively easy and parking was easy. When I went in, HHH, Bush and Kylie were already there. They had a look of surprise when they saw me, and they all said I looked different. HHH said I looked profesional. Bush said I looked more mature. I'm not sure if it was the shaved head, my nice black pants, or just me holding nothing but my wallet, phone and keys.

Afterwards Carry arrived, and then Thigh came a bit late cause she got lost. The dinner was actually pretty good, despite me being the only guy there. It got a bit awkward when there was talk about everyone being single (except Bush, and Thigh who said she had met a guy about 20 days ago). The food was really nice, and they brought it to you and if you wanted some they cut it for you there and then, and it was all you can eat, and I thought about possibly taking Naby here.

I felt more comfortable talking to Bush about her work, whereas with others it was done more out of 'politeness'. Apparently I know a lot of people at her place, like Twish and Andrew from bball.

The only thing that bothered me slightly was the price - $40 each. Oh well.

After that we stood outside the restaurant and chatted a bit, had the usual "we must do this again" stuff, and then left. I hadn't driven my car for a while, and I had some thinking to do, so I went for a drive.

I actually went around to my dad's place of work to see if I could pick him up but didn't see him. I sat in the car around there for a bit then drove to the sea side where I sat for a while. I rested my eyes, and just thought about stuff. It was Naby related, but not too specific. I just didn't know what I was going to do. Now that I had ignored her, I was wondering if she'd send another message, and if so, how long would it take. My guess would've been about a week.

After a while I drove back home. The thought of seeing Naby, like I said before, did cross my mind. But if I did, I knew I'd ask her out. And I knew she'd say no. And I didn't want to play basketball the next day with an 'emotional hangover'. I wanted to be focussed on my basketball for now.

Today
Woke up, and went to the office in the morning to place my suit back and chane into my casual clothes, and also to get my bag.

Despite having plenty of time, I ended up bumming around at home a little too much and was late to bball. I would've made it, but missed the train by a few seconds cause I was polite enough to let the stampede of people finish coming up the stairs first. This is what nice people get.

I was about half an hour late, was totally shocked to see I was the only one from my team there. In fact, they didn't even have enough for a game, so they stopped their game and waited for me to get on.

I spent the first game or so just running up and down the court to warm up. I played forward for most of the first two games, cause we had too may guards.

Later on after I felt like I was warmed up, I started scoring a bit, mainly on fast breaks and running ahead. But I also hit a couple of jumpers.

That Kenneth guy though, he's a real fucking asshole. During one break, I was tying my shoelaces and he comes up to me and says "nice shoes" and steps on them. WTF???

So from then on I tried extra hard to stop him, and actually blocked him lightly a few times. If I had swung my arm any harder it would've been a swat. But I could tell this other guy with glasses didn't seem to like him either, as he would pressure him extra hard on D.

I was a bit proud of the fact that I played in all games today and for the most part, I managed to keep running. It was only when people threw the ball up court or I went to rebound and someone else got it and dashed up court that I stayed back, which wasn't too many times.

But I was still shocked that no one esle from my team was there. I knew Bo wasn't coming cause he said he had uni, but it seemed like there was a memo about industrial action that no one told me about.

I walked back to the train station afterwards and caught the train back to the city, again thinking about Naby. I went to get my head shaved again, cause I felt it was getting a bit long, even though it was just at that fuzzy stage which I think looks kinda cute, But I wanna go for the smooth look, especially when I get my shoes on Thursday.

I went home, had a shower and something to eat, and then just as I was checking my phone, a message came through.

Naby @ 15:10 - Are u busy these day? :(

Part of what I had been wondering was whether me not replying bugged her at all. I guess it did. And I guess she wanted to wait till 3pm today to see if I'd be coming or not. I was surprised the message came so soon. Part of me didn't know what to do. I wanted to ignore this as well, but the sad face really got to me.

Me @ 15:37 - Domo...don't be sad, I just haven't had much time lately, I did try to see you last Sunday but you weren't there...

Naby @ 15:39 - Yeah .. Im day off only Sunday .. Did u have lunch..

Me @ 15:40 - Yeah just finished...maybe I'll come see you next Saturday

Key word 'maybe'. I don't know how the hell I'm gonna afford it.

Naby @ 15:41 - Ok.. What a u doing today ?

Wow...is she trying to make up to me? Sure seems interested today...

Me @ 15:43 - Basketball and gym...so you are thinking about me? :)

Naby @ 15:49 - Yeah.. I sometime thinking of u..

Me @ 15:50 - :)

So...whatever we had was mended I suppose.

Money, money everywhere

On Monday I got a call from Ogre at about 4pm, asking me to ask the paras to help her retrieve the trolleys from court. I went to the para bay and saw they had all gone home, so I took Clare with me across to court. I was surprised when I got there to see Ogre was instructing the same Crown that GS and I had gone up against in HK client's case. I didn't have my glasses on, but he smiled at me and gave a short "hello".

Wow, a-w-k-w-a-r-d.

I was just wearing my cheap shirt and pants, no tie or jacket, so I wondered if he thought I was a para or something, lol.

After getting back to the office, I thought it was the end of that, but Ogre called me at 6pm and asked me to let him into the office because he left his bag there, so that was more awkward contact.

Anyway, this week I've been walking to work. It's good exercise and saves me a bus trip each day. Today, like the other days, I've been thinking about the whole Naby thing. A large part of me wants to go see her, have sex, then ask her out. If she says no, then I'd just get up, say I have to go, and leave. That should send a strong message. And maybe next time I can go pick another girl with her in the line up, just to let her know I ain't putting up with shit and that I can well go for another girl.

But then money kicks in. Do I really want to spend $220 just to get rejected? Nah. So from that answer, my reasoning leads me to stay away from her, at least until she messages me. I am fairly sure she will message me. I was fairly sure last time, but didn't want to jinx it. But she won't message me for maybe another four weeks or something. And when she does, I can either ignore it, or ignore it and see her in the lineup that following Saturday, where I can choose either to pick her or someone else.

Another reason that supports my thinking is that I want to buy a new pair of shoes. I'm starting to get embarassed about the 'school boy' shoes I'm wearing right now. I want a really, really nice pair. A nice pair I saw at Myer cost $240, so today during lunch I went window shopping a bit, trying to find a pair as nice but less than $240. However, I did figure that if I couldn't find it, then I'd be willing to spend $240. I wouldn't bat an eyelash spending more than that punting, so why hesitate to spend it on yourself? Maybe I am finally learning what it means to love yourself first.

Anyway, I ended up at David Jones somehow, so went to check out the shoes there. The ones I liked were at least $300, which was a bit of a shocker, but I did find one nice pair for $160, so I think I will get that on my next pay day (next Thursday).

On top of this experience, lately I have always admired nice cars, especially Audis, when I see them on the road. I tell myself that I could afford something like that if I really put my mind to it. Having a goal like that made me feel much better about my decision not to see Naby until she messages me. It's like a whole new world has opened up for me now that I've saved a bit of money. My car's rego is coming up, which will dent me, but at least I can afford it, unlike past years where I'd be struggling to meet it.

I also keep thinking about her ignoring my messages. At first I can distort my own reasoning to make it seem like she actually likes me - I mean, why else would she message me, right?

But then I think about her ignoring my latest message, her not getting me a birthday present, and when I read my blog recently, her making an excuse when I offered to pick her up from the airport. Seriously, does that sound like a girl who is into you?

Shohoku last game

So on Wednesday night I had a late game and stayed back at work. When I finished up, I couldn't help it but text her.

Me @ 19:57 - Domo...are you at work?

Her @ 19:57 - Yeah ..

Me @ 19:58 - Miss me?

Her @ 19:59 - Kkk.. Maybe..

Me @ 20:00 - I think about you sometimes :)

Her @ 20:01 - Kkk me too.. Where a u? Still work?

Me @ 20:04 - Leaving work now to go to basketball...did you see my name in the newspaper?

Her @ 20:05 - No.. What happen?

Me @ 20:05 - Hehe...I will show you next time :)

Her @ 20:08 - Ok...

Me @ 20:10 - Have you had dinner yet?

Her @ 20:11 - Yeah.. Later ..

Thought the convo was dying there so I stopped it before it died.

I went to the gym to jump on the bike, then met Bo at Town Hall and we went to the game together. I was about to tell him about Fat Pat's question of why we had Angelo on our team if we didn't like him, but thought it might make for better conversation on the way back from the game.

It would be our last game for the season. In the back of my mind, I kept telling myself "fuck this, I ain't getting injured in the last minute of the last game again, nah fuck that".

We had seven guys: me, Angelo, Bo, Abi, the two Mikes and Angelo's friend.

To my surprise, Bo scored seven points early on, and at one stage that accounted for over 50% of our points. Even more to my surprise was the fact that Angelo was passing the ball!

It was 'conducive' passing, which means he just facilitated moving the ball around, but it wasn't 'productive' passing, like driving and dishing. Oh well, can't expect too much. I don't know why he did it. Maybe someone had a word to him. Maybe he figured it was the last game of the season. Or maybe he wants to play with us next season.

I ran one fastbreak after getting a loose ball, which led to an Abi basket. I think that was my only successful fastbreak of the season. Wow.

We were tied at halftime, but got run out in the second half. I sat out the last ten minutes of the game even though I wanted to get back in, but I just told myself to be content that I was finishing the season healthy.

I actually can't believe I made it through this season. I still remember at the beginning of the season when I was being real tentative about my knee. At times during games I felt like "fuck this, I'm gonna go all out, even if it hurts me". But I think that is akin to me at the roulette table thinking "oh well, I've lost $800 anyway, what's another $800".

I caught the train back with Bo. He felt like getting a beer. I did feel like celebrating, but had bloody work the next day. That's why I hate late games.

Thursday
We had the 'R U OK?' day morning tea where a lot of people gathered. It was a bit awkward for a moment because I went to Mary's table to get some food and Anne did the obligatory "are you ok?" and I said yes. Then she said "look me in the eyes and say it", which I did, but I felt that by doing it, I was giivng up power. More importantly, I felt like she had picked out something no one else had - that I was a suicide risk. Maybe she just has experience in these things. Sometimes I just get real depressed. Maybe it's common amongst quiet workaholics like me.

Anyway, I was content standing around watching, but soon found DS next to me, and we made some awkward conversation. He told me about a hearing he did once where it was so hot no one wore their jackets. We talked about Hong Kong a bit before I asked if he had seen any movies lately. He mentioned one of his daughters is really sick so they don't get to go out much, but did talk about a French film called Breakers.

Then Paul came over and oh my god that was awkward. I totally didn't know what to say. I saw Moira and silently thought "come over, you can talk about anything", but I had to endure that until Paul left. She did, however, come over later, and Mary joined, which helped the situation. And Michael came over as well. Mary also brightens up when he's around.

I tried to sneak my way over to Maria but she was chatting with her friends. In the end, I just stole a few extra chocolate crackles before going back up to my floor.

At noon, we went for a 'bon voyage' lunch for Mary. It was me, Mary, Clare, Ogre, Moira and Nunjo. On the walk there, we separated into three pairs and I walked with Nunjo. It was kinda just silence for a while. I was half waiting for her to say something, but she never did, so I started a conversation. Seems like she had spent her entire career at our office, and I got the chance to let her know I wasn't as junior as she may have thought. There were a few laughs, but not sure if she was just laughing to be polite.

We went to a little groovy restaurant near the Central station. I think I could definitely take a girl there. I was a little wary of the seating arrangement, but as I was walking last, I had little say, and ended sitting at the end of the table, between Mary and Moira and opposite Nunjo.

The service was a little slow, and since I was still recovering from my cold, I was conscious of my nose. Talk was predominantly amongst the girls, as they mostly talked about which cop Ogre liked. Not much I can add to that really. During the lunch, I did make eye contact with Nunjo a few times. I wonder if it meant anything. The lunch did confirm, however, that she was single. And another thing - she lives in the same suburb as Naby's shop, so I was just imagining her spotting me walking in or walking out.........

Walking back to the office, I walked with Clare and talked about her jogging to work, as I have started to think about doing that. I also talked to Nunjo a bit more and she said she rode her bike sometimes to work in Darwin. Then conversation kinda died after we she said she studied in Lismore.

Friday
I met up with Ele after work. We had been emailing eachother a bit, and I did think to suggest meeting up but refrained. In the end, she suggested it. I met her at the usual place at the usual time. As I was waiting, a hot blonde stood next to me and appeared to be waiting for someone. I saw a lot of guys checking her out. One guy even tried to weakly smiled at her, and had to scurry along when she didn't respond. God that's the guy I NEVER want to be.

Anyway, we started walking down the street, just talking. I noticed we didn't rub shoulders this time, not that I thought it had been deliberate on previous occasions. She told me she had made a mistake at work, transferring $360,000 to the wrong recipient. I said at least it wasn't $2b like that rogue trader in the news recently.

As we approached her pole dancing place, she said she still had time and wanted to keep walking, so I suggested we go to the park across the road. As we were approaching the lights, I caught a last second glimpse at who I thought was Caz. She had looked at me. I didn't have my glasses on but I was pretty sure it was her. As Ele was talking to me, I was distracted the next few moments trying to see where Caz was going. It looked like she went into that pole dancing place. I wonder if she's in Ele's class.

Oh well, too late anyway I suppose. At least she saw you with a chick.

Ele and I ended up standing in the park near some fences. She pulled out a thick coloured book, which was apparently made by her company. She turned to a page showing a photo of her with her team. She kinda looked...fatter in that photo, lol.

Anyway, we crossed the road later on and parted as I went to the gym. I wanted to send Bo a message "go home", fearing he would go drinking, but told myself to have confidence in him.

Saturday
I walked out to Central, getting there at about 9am and called Bo. No answer. Great. He was drunk.

So I caught the train by myself and walked to the stadium. I got there a bit early, and just laid down in the stands playing with my phone. I felt good adn relaxed, even though I realised I had forgotten to do something at work. I hated that feeling. I think I might end up getting into deep shit for it.

Anyway, some guys arrived and we quickly started a full court game. J was on my team and for some reason I expected him to be really good now. He had improved his dribbling and speed while talking the ball up, but nothing else really changed. I wonder if he thought the same about me. I noticed I have been missing my shots lately, probably because I haven't been practising.

During that first game I noticed Fat Pat had arrived. After that game I went to sit with him, and then Mike and Carter arrived. I couldn't wait till the four of us from the original team took court again. We would rule. But we had to wait a while because there were so many people. Even Bo managed to arrive, lol.

Finally we took court...and got smashed. We didn't seem to click, but I at least felt comfortable. Actually I felt a bit pressured to give Fat Pat the ball, because he was here for a limited time only.

We had some lanky geeky idiot as our fifth guy, who ruined everything for us. He hogged it, lost the ball and did everything wrong. I was like "man, wtf?"

Our next game together wasn't much better, but at least we got to reunite once more. If only Dunnycan was there we could've made a whole team.

Fat Pat and J left at noon, but others kept playing. By now a lot of guys were tired, but I still had energy to run fast breaks, and was chucking passes off the glass for Bo and others lol.

Afterwards Jimmy wanted me to go to Macca's with him. I didn't really want to, because I wanted to stay away from fast food and go to the office, but he semi-pleaded so I went. I thought Bo was coming too but he went to Cabramatta for some unknown reason.

The lunch with Jimmy was kinda boring. I had one of those 'tick approved' meals, with like a Filet o'Fish burger, salad and water. Damn that was plain. We just talked about basketball and stuff, nothing spectacular.

I caught the train back to the city and went into the office to do the facts sheet for one of my matters. Kim and Adrianna were also there.

I didn't end up staying long, finishing in about an hour and a half, and left.

Today
I went to the courts in the morning to shoot around. I wanted to get back in touch with my shot, but also wanted to work on the cross over a little bit. I watched a slow motion of AI and paid close attention to his feet. I think I get his feet action wrong, because I always end up dragging one of my feet, making a farting noise on the court.

It was hotter than expected, but I liked it. It felt so peaceful to be the only one there, despite it being like 9:30am. I wasn't very active, just doing random set shots and doing the cross over a few times. I think I got my feet right now. It feels so much better and much more explosive. Can't wait till I try it out more next week.

But I had this annoying cut on the back of my right ankle. Even though I had put a bandaid over it, it kept slipping off, and eventually it came out of my socks. Don't know how. Also, sometimes when I bent to shoot, my right knee hurt a bit. This also happened last time I went to the courts. Hmmm. So those two things kinda made me have a short stay there.

While I was there, I had pretty much decided to see Naby after work. I figured having exchanged messages earlier in the week, now would be the appropriate time to 'catch up'.

I went home, had a shower and caught a bus to the city. I went into the office, and hurriedly completed a brief to counsel. It was done quicker than I expected. At about 1:50pm I called the shop. She was "day off". Hmmm.

I had prepared for this mentally due to experience, but it still felt like such a huge disappointment. I sent her a message.

Me @ 13:49 - Domo...you are day off today?

Despite having mentally prepared for this situation (and having told myself that I'd be better off saving the money anyway), I still felt the sudden urge to go to another shop. I mean, it was just such a let down.

But I checked what movies were on, thinking it'd be better to just catch a movie. However, there was nothing I wanted to see.

As I walked out of the building, I had semi-decided to go get a massage. Maybe I'd see Emily. I wouldn't book though. I'd have the line up. If she was in it and saw me pick someone else, then suck shit for ignoring my message.

But as I was walking there, I changed paths and mind. I had decided to go have a gamble instead. It wasn't out of addiction. It was more done out of boredom and wanting to reduce my credit card debt, even if it was by a little bit. I kept thinking about that quote I had read on the internet: "you don't go broke by getting small margins" and someone else saying you should walk away even if your gain is only $25.

So I went to withdraw $800 and walked to the casino. All the renovations seemed to have been done now. At least for the front entrance. I noticed it was more like a mini-shopping mall now. I'm not so sure if this is a good idea. On the one hand, you could argue it attracts people, but on the other, I figured if people lost all their money, they wouldn't have anymore to buy stuff.

I went in, found an empty table to exchange my cash for $100 chips and went to a different area. I found a table where the croupier was about to spin and saw the last number was 15. I bet on black and third column and........12. Won $100.

I walked around a little bit, not really intending to bet, but I was tempted. I found the cashier and cashed out, then left the goddamn place. As I was walking back to the bus stop, I kept thinking about how shitty I'd feel right now if I had lost that $800. It could've been used to purchase shares, or at least go have a hell of a punting session.

I was lucky. Next time (if there is a next time), I may not be so lucky. But at least, I now reduced my credit card debt by about $80.

Oh, and the Naby thing is over (again), at least until she messages me.

I was free...

Before I got the Naby message, I felt like I was finally free...I had broken away from gambling, and I was finally pursuing a 'normal' life by trying to find a girlfriend. I was looking forward to meeting girls through online dating and taking them to dinner. I just felt like I was normal again. I had my finances to look forward to, knowing I could save a substantial amount each pay cheque.

But now, since she ignored my last message, it's been bugging me bad. I keep wondering why she did it. I keep having to fight myself not to message her. I'm telling myself to see her next fortnight when I get paid, instead of this fortnight, because I want to buy a nice new wallet. Now that it's possible that I might be seeing her on a regular basis, my financial forecast is gloomy.

I feel trapped again.

Fat Pat's return

On Sunday I drove to the office to drop off my clothes for the week, then drove to the Wick for gym. Haven't been to that gym in ages.

Then I got the sudden thought that X-Men: First Class should've come out on DVD, and I wanted to go get it, so drove to the shopping centre near me but it wasn't out yet.

Then I bummed around at home until night time when I went out to dinner.

I had a bit of a problem finding the place, even went into the wrong restaurant. I could just picture everyone sitting at the table waiting for me. Finally I found it, and was surprised I was the first there. I waited at the table for a bit before I saw Fat Pat walk in with his new girlfriend, Felicity.

We shook hands and talked, first about basketball, and then I realised I was jumping the gun a bit so I asked when he came back and that. He looked the same. He said I looked like I had put on weight. I asked muscle or fat. He said both. I must admit I now look like a more mature Kobe. Compare Kobe from when he was 18 to now and you'll see what I mean.

Then J arrived wearing a beanie. I hadn't seen him in a long time as well. I told myself to put any ill feelings in the past aside, and we chatted and got along well. But that was always a trait of ours - get along well face to face, but dislike eachother when we leave.

Then Mike and Carter arrived, and we started on the menu. I must say, we ordered some weird and funny stuff. Like the russian roulette thing where one of the six balls was filled with wasabi. I waited for everyone to eat theirs, and when no one had wasabi, I was like "diiiiiil", lol.

Then there was the swimming noodle machine at the end which was fun.

We talked about playing basketball on Saturday. I imagined it to be our old team, me, Fat Pat, Mike, J and Dunnycan. J told me he was having knee problems too, but he wasn't going to see a doctor about it. He also told me Andrew had torn his ACL twice - double ouch. It really made me think about my current situation. I was halfway there. Did I really want to risk anymore? Maybe I should just quit basketball now, and enjoy the ability to go for a jog.

When we finished, we parted from Fat Pat, and as we walked towards the main street, J mentioned his car. Apparently he had given his old car to his brother, and he was now driving an Audi TT. It reminded me of old times - he was always going to be the son of a rich businessman, and I was always the poor one. It made me reflect on my situation and made me feel how stupid I had been to gamble and go whoring. It gave me motivation to save more money.

Today I only had a half day at work. As I left work on Friday, Mary asked me about the bottle of Powerade I was holding, and I said it was just the residual from Wednesday night. She asked if it had been in the fridge and I said no, and then she said I shouldn't drink it. I drank it anyway, and shortly after started feeling a cold/sore throat coming on.

So I spent the weekend being sick, and was still sick today. I did my instructions for matters tomorrow, which took until lunchtime. I made some soup, then left work at 2pm. The headache was too much.

6-13-1

Wednesday's game was nothing out of the unusual. It was Angelo, Bo, Mike, Abi, Angelo's friend and me.

We only lost by 8, although we never had the lead. I don't know why, but I really suck in this comp. Didn't even score that night. I don't know if it's due to Angelo's presence and hogging, or if everyone is just too big.

On Friday that real estate agent's matter came back to court for judgment. I was sitting outside and wondering if I was at the wrong court, because even 15 minutes prior there was no one around. Finally I saw their entourage arrive. The guy from my high school approached me and we shook hands. I was prepared for some awkward conversation, but I was totally startled when he asked me if I needed help with buying a property.

Ummm...is this a bribe?

I just laughed and said I couldn't afford it, and couldn't walk away fast enough. I noticed there was a reporter sitting just behind us. Great.

I didn't have to do much, other than correct a calculation error the judge made. I swear I calculated it in my head a million times before raising it, for fear that I could've been wrong.

So that concluded my big two weeks, with the hearing on Wednesday folding because the lady didn't even bother to turn up. I felt exhausted. I actually felt like going home, but I hung around and prepared for the next week.

After work I met up with Ele for our walk down the city. I was to meet Bo at Central, and she had to go to some pole dancing class in Hyde Park so I walked her there. I thought I'd wait at the statue instead of across the road as usual, but I never caught her. I thought maybe she had forgotten, then I got a text saying "u forgot?" and I crossed the road.

I saw her and realised she had dyed her hair. I almost didn't recognise her. I realised that her hair was thinning. As we began our walk, we talked about her trip to China, and she laughed about how she mis-read my email thinking I was sending her a present. I asked her how her mother was, and she said she was fine. She showed me some pics of what was wrong with her, and I think she was trying to say her mother had a cyst in her intestines.

I noticed that she leaned into my a bit, causing our sides to rub together. We talked something about strength, and I playfully squeezed her biceps for muscles.

She asked me how I'd been and I just said alright, even though I wanted to tell her about my dates.

Eventually I did tell her, and she made some very insightful comments. She said that I shouldn't show too much interest at first, that I need to show I want to get to know them as a person instead of a girlfriend first. Then she said I have "very good character" but it takes time to learn about it. I jokingly said if I laid out all my cards on the first occasion then there'd be nothing left. She laughed, and then I realised there was probably some truth to that.

So yeah, we talked a bit about that, and I was surprised as to how readily her advice was, how insightful it was, and how accurate (I thought) it was.

We walked to her pole dancing class place and stood inside the doorway to talk. As we talked I could see all these hot girls walking in, presumably for the class. There were also old men walking in, presumably for whatever restaurant there was on another level.

As I felt the conversation was dying and the time for her class was nearing, I wanted to end it there, but she kept talking, so we stayed another five minutes before we parted.

I went to Central and waited for Bo, and then we went to Market City to eat. We had a good talk. I think I made a mistake when I said people shouldn't be allowed to divorce, then realising that he was a divorcee, so I added "if they have children".

We caught the train to Ashfield to meet Alex for bball, only to have him send a message saying he wasn't coming. I was surprised as to who I saw there. There was Roger who played on my team for a bit, and there were two guys from Blue Flames. I thought it was funny how eventually we all see eachother later down the track as long as we remained in the circle of basketball.

I had no intentions of really 'playing', as my knee felt kinda tired and the floor was slippery, so I just wanted to hang around, and besides, it was good for Bo not to be out drinking on a Friday night, and I think he felt the same way.

His old team mate Kenny was also there, who recognised me, but I didn't recognise him at all. Kenny struck me as a really nice, friendly, funny and outgoing guy, who made it seem effortless to get to know people, and was always having fun. I wished I could be like that.

Anyway, we played a few games and I sat out the last game, where right at the end, Kenny fell and twisted his ankle. Damn. He was playing so well, and was very active. Everytime I see an injury now I cringe and keep thinking about how it could've been me, and how lucky I am that it wasn't. Call me chicken shit, but I walked off the court that night feeling grateful for taking it easy and not getting injured.

Yesterday I picked up Bo and we went to get the jerseys together. I subjected him to my Eminem music, which I don't think he really liked, lol. When we got there, we went into the guy's house to get the uniforms. I was pretty happy with them, but then realised how similar they were to our white Pandas ones. Bo was pretty ecstatic about them.

We went to the nearby shopping centre for breakfast. As we were leaving and heading towards my car, we were joking about how alarm clocks should have wake up tunes like One's voice and Angelo's voice. Then he said there should be one of my voice. I was curious as to which 'trait' defined me - "dogass/dumbass" defined One, and "why would you do that for???" defined Angelo. So what defined me?

He said my one would sound like "hehehehe" and made a girly laugh. So was that true? Did I laugh like a girl? Was that what people made fun of me for? Maybe this is why girls don't like me?

We got to Lidcombe at about 10:30am, where I distributed the jerseys to everyone except Nick and Gary because they weren't there.

We played ball, and I found it hard to warm up at first, but then slowly got into it. I don't even think I scored, but I was trying to work on my running and defense.

Afterwards Jimmy, Gus and Bo went to yum cha, and asked me to tag along but I said I couldn't afford it (truth). So I drove back home by myself. Later that day, Bo called and said he thought Jimmy's friend was a good match for me, and that he'd try to set us up. I was a bit embarassed, but curious at the same time. He said she was a lawyer as well.

It always strikes me when these things happen - if she is so good, why don't they go for her?

Anyway, just bummed around and napped last night. Like I said, Naby had sent me a message. I decided to reply.

Me @ 21:12 - Hey...I am good but have been busy with work...how are you?

Naby @ 21:44 - Yeah.. Im good.. I thinking u always busy.. Kk

Me @ 21:47 - How is your study going? Are you number 1 in class?

Naby @ 22:17 - Yeah.. But I no more study..

Naby @ 22:18 - Just work..

Me @ 22:45 - Want me to come see you next week? :)

I went to sleep waiting for a response, and never got one.

...Naby?

I had a nap earlier, as I am a bit sick with a cold. After dinner, I checked my phone and saw I had a message from an unknown number.

@ 18:56 - Hi [insert name here].. How a u??

I'm pretty sure this is her, as she's the only person who types like that.

A ghost from the past?

End Caz

Man, I knew it. I knew I shouldn't of gone back onto the Oasis site to see if Caz was online so I could chat with her. Why do I keep doing things despite knowing better? Impulse? Lack of self control?

After last night's game, I went online, but stayed on invisible. She came on shortly after, then after a bit I 'appeared'. I wanted to be enthusiastic and said "hey!" but there was a bit of delay for her to reply. In fact, that seemed to be the theme for the duration of our chat. I didn't like the tone of her "hey [insert name here]". It sounded formal and like she was distancing us.

I thought maybe I was paranoid, but the general tone of her lacked enthusiasm combined with the long delays between replies was almost a sign too big to ignore. The only positive was she said she saw my name in the paper on Sunday. In hindsight, wouldn't that have been a good opportunity for her to message me about it?

Anyway, it seemed like I was asking all the questions to keep the conversation alive, and when I was thinking of a reply, she just went offline. I thought that was a bit rude, and definitely a sign of her disinterest. Even if her computer had crashed (although it looked like she was using it on her phone) it would've been courtesy to message me to say so, one would think.

So I was checking out the options, and there is 'remove member' and 'block member'. I thought the latter was just so they can't see you being active anymore, so I did that, only to see that it removed her!

Oh shit!

So I accidentally deleted her. Oh well, too late I suppose. What was I gonna do? Text her and say sorry I deleted you? It was an accident? Maybe it was for the better anyway, if she was really disinterested. I wonder where I lost her. Maybe at dessert when I went quiet.

That did sadden me a bit. Despite having only gone on one date, I thought she could have been the one. We just had too much in common, I found it hard to resist from the word 'fate'.

So anyway, today I was supposed to meet another girl for dinner, Perlin. I messaged her in the morning about the time and place, and no reply. I waited till noon and still no reply. Ele had returned from China (her mom is ok) so we were emailing back and forth. I had planned to save my money for the dinner tonight, but since there was no reply, I asked Ele out to lunch (I think it was my turn to shout).

As soon as I sent that invite, she went quiet.

Oh great!

I felt like everyone was ignoring me. I decided to go to lunch by myself. I felt like a Subway sandwich anyway. I saw Jessica and Shira on the way to lunch. To my surprise, Jessica ended the conversation by just saying "bye", which I thought was a bit rude. Fucking hell, I was the one who got her her first legal job. That's why you can't help people unless you're sure they'll be grateful. Fucking hell.

Feeling ignored, I also decided to message Claire. Ele and I had been talking about volunteering for some kids' event, and we needed more people, so it was my excuse to get in touch with Claire again. I messaged her "Hey Claire! :-)" and no reply.

It was only in the afternoon did Perlina reply, clarifying the meeting place. Later on she changed the time from 6:30pm to 6pm, which was fine.

I must admit, I was a bit nervous, even though I had formed the view that she couldn't have been better than Caz.

I went to the QVB status and waited. Shortly, she approached me. I introduced myself and we shook hands. The first thing that struck me was her accent. It sounded like an Indonesian accent, even though she was Malaysian. Despite that, I told myself she was still a candidate.

I took her to Chef's Gallery, which was finally free, because it was a Thursday night, although we were told we could only stay for an hour because it was dinner time.

During dinner, I felt that English wasn't that good, and I kinda resorted to talking in a 'basic' way, like the way I'd talk to Naby. We just talked about basic things, like work, life, background, family. Nothing exciting, but we did get a few laughs.

She was a bit quiet, but managed to say stuff whenever silence crept in. I saw food fall from her mouth as she was talking, which obviously isn't a great first impression. And then later she said something about having a skin disease recently.

Ok...

She was a nice person, and I felt a bit sorry for her because she said she moved from Adelaide so she didn't have many friends here. So I said I'd introduce her to Ele. Guess it won't hurt to have a new friend.

She also said she was living with a house mate, and had done so in the past, living with Korean girls who came here to study and then would leave within a few months. I wondered if they were prostitutes. Guess it's just hard for me to get away from that.

Claire did end up messaging me back, albeit it was a "Hi, who is this?"

Well if I'm gonna take this girl to the volunteer thing, then I sure as hell don't need Claire, so I didn't answer.

The restaurant kidan rushed us out, I paid for the dinner (which was $70) and I walked her close to her bus stop where we parted. Not sure how she feels about me. I'm pretty sure she's not my type.

I went back to the office to change, then went to the gym. I was heaps full, but figured I could cycle and lift weights, which was exactly what I did.

Man, dating is expensive.

Yesterday
After work I went looking for a good restaurant to take Perlina to. As I had just started on my journey, Nick called, saying he wanted to give me his shorts so Angelo's friend could wear it. So I met Nick at Market City, and then said I'd buy him a drink.

We went upstairs where I bought him an Easyway and we sat down to talk. We talked about basketball at first, but then he opened up to me saying he was having problems with his girlfriend. Apparently she went on a 7 month trip which she "just had to have" and he found out some guy chatted her up for a night and walked her back to the hotel, but nothing happened. They have also been emailing back and forth.

It's interesting I suppose, because I always wonder why girls like to travel so much. With guys, if they're travelling alone or with other guys, you can be pretty sure it's got to do with sex, especially if they're going to Thailand.

More revealing was that Nick said he had tried online dating before. It was a real surprise because he's quite tall, good looking and muscular. Who would've thought someone like that would need to resort to online dating??

To reciprocate, I told him about my date with Caz. I'm sure he formed an opinion when I told him about the walking her to the car park thing, but he just stayed silent on it.

Just can't help myself

Working late tonight, I thought about texting Caz. But nope, I told myself, I wanted to keep things distant at least until she comes back. Maybe a part of me also feared the rejection.

I went to the gym after work, did just abs, cause it was so packed. I went home, and thought it'd be fun to text her.

Me @ 20:49 - Have you ever heard of a 29yr old running away from home?

In reference to G running away from home the other night because he had another fight with his parents over Sally (oh god~~).

Hmmm, no reply, even till now. Maybe part of me did it to confirm what I had suspected - she's not interested. Oh well, better to know earlier than later. And moving on I suppose?

Caz

Man, been so long since I've blogged. Hard to remember some of the things that went down.

Wednesday
Bball was a bit deflating. We played Turkcrock. They only had four, and we started with four (me, Bo, Angelo and white Mike, with Nick watching with a bad back), and Phil came a bit late. They got off to a good start, but after Phil joined we slowly started catching up, and were only down by four at halftime.

Nick tried to give an asswhooping speech at halftime, which was good, but for some reason it didn't work me up. I think it was more me than him. We switched to man to man defense, and things really went down hill from there. It wasn't so much the change, but I found that Angelo would come double team my man for no apparent reason, leaving his guy open, which led to baskets. We got absolutely smashed, and the score certainly seemed like they had five and we had four.

After the game we went to a pub. I thought they were eating so I ordered a pasta but they only ordered drinks, so it was a bit funny, lol. Bo said Angelo had said to white Mike "I'll take the ball up" and white Mike said "what difference does it make" and then Angelo said "ok, you take the ball up" and white Mike said "that's not even the point". Ok, two things:

1. This is a good summary of who white Mike is. He's very fair, doesn't hold anything against anyone, and can demonstrate his point without any bias. He obviously didn't seem to think the problem was me taking the ball up, and he said so, without so much as disrespecting either me or Angelo.

2. Angelo obviously thinks the problem lies with me taking the ball up.

So I told the guys that if he thinks that way, I'd be happy for someone else to take it up or for me to sit down more. Bo said "why give him the satisfaction" which kinda missed my point, and Nick just said not to do it. I just think that if he thinks I'm the problem, then I wanna show how we go without me.

Anyway, Phil and I caught the train back. I had wanted to eat KFC, but I felt so deflated by the loss that I didn't even feel like eating.

Thursday
So I had the big sentence on this day, the one with the real estate agent. We had a 9am start, so I got to the office at about 7:30am to prepare.

When I got to court no one was there, so I just sat outside and flicked through my file. Then the other side came with their whole entourage, and one of them was a guy working there who went to my primary and high school, but was a year older. We shook hands and he came and sat down next to me, and he was like "that's my boss, take care of him".

Ummmm...ok.

So when the doors opened, I quickly got up and said we should go in to get a seat. Phew, that could've turned out pretty bad.

When the judge came in, I read the outline out and handed the papers up. The defence started their spiel, and the judge mainly asked questions of him, but then he turned to me and asked a few questions. I don't know why, maybe because there were so many people in court, but for a few moments while I was on my feet, I suddenly got really nervous. I got so nervous, I felt like crawling into a hole and dying. In fact, part of me just wanted to run out of that courtroom.

I don't think I've ever felt like that, so it was weird to feel like that after so many years of practice. I thought, maybe if I was a bit more of an arrogant person, more prone to showing off, then I wouldn't have felt like that. I wonder if I'm right.

A reporter asked for my name, so I thought maybe I could get myself into the papers again.

Anyway, I had chatted to this girl from Oasis and gotten her number, and just thought maybe I should ask her out. I was in that willy nilly mood with her, so didn't really care if she said no. I texted her and to my surprise, she said she could meet me after she has drinks with her friends on Friday.

Friday
So I had another sentence, just a walkthrough import matter. Having done Thursday's one, I felt more confident about this one. Besides, it was a lot simpler as well.

I got to court early and talked to a cop in Mary's matter, until Mary came and we chatted a bit more. Then I saw people were starting to go into my court so I left. Turns out I was in the same court as Moira, and so we both waited to see who'd get on first or who'd get flicked. While waiting, I was standing at the back and sometimes checked out my cop from behind. She wasn't particularly attractive, but she was blonde and did her hair a particular way, which I found really sexy. Although she was older, she had that 'attractive older' look about her.

We had to wait, so she went back to the office and Moira and I went to get a hot chocolate, which she shouted. We just sat and talked about our matters and the office.

I got a call and we went back to the court. I got flicked so I went upstairs, and we got the chief judge. Before he came in, my cop, the other side and I kinda joked around a bit, lol.

When the judge came in I started an outline of the matter before he just cut me off and asked for the papers. I wrote on a piece of scrap paper "shut up Crown, just give me the papers" and showed it to my cop and she laughed. The judge did it fairly quickly, and when I went back to the office, turns out he just likes to do these matters quickly, so it wasn't anything personal against me. I had initially thought he didn't respect me.

I had gotten two sentences done in two days, and although I have a hearing on Wednesday, I felt like taking a mini-halftime break. I slowed down a bit in terms of work and mainly spent my time doing 'small' things, not really having a chance to prepare for my hearing.

Caz messaged me changing the time from 6:30pm to 7pm, which was fine. I left the office at about 6:30pm, went to take a walk to the restaurant I had planned to take her to but saw there was a huge line. I then went to Town Hall to wait for her. There were so many guys wearing a white shirt and black tie like me so there was no point in sending her a description of me. I walked past a couple of times and didn't see any Asian girls.

For a brief moment, I thought about Naby and kinda wanted not to go through with this. I guess my emotional side misses her.

I waited for a few minutes before she messaged me asking if I was there. I stupidly just said "yea" and then she called me. I suspected the girl holding the phone was her, and confirmed it as I started walking towards her. My initial reaction?

Wow, she's not bad looking.

She didn't look like her profile pic much. I mean, not in a bad way. Her profile pic was her at a lake side or something, so she didn't have make up on, but tonight she seemed to be a bit 'done up'. Just a bit.

I shook her hand and introduced myself, and she told me her name and I was like "oh is that your real name?" and she said Caz is just short for her real name.

I told her about the restaurant being packed and suggested another one, and she was ok with it. We waited to cross the road where there weren't any lights, and she suggested crossing at the lights. I was like "being a rock climber I thought you liked risks?" and she said she had her heels on as we quickly made our way across the road. I took her to the Japanese restaurant and said if she didn't like it we could go somewhere else. She asked me if I'd been there before. I hadn't, but I didn't want to seem dumb, so just said I'd been here for a friend's birthday a long time ago.

She said it was ok, so we went in for a table, and were told it was full but we could sit outside. She was ok with it so we sat outside. I decided to keep my jacket on for some reason. We got a bit of talking done as we chose from the menu. She eats pretty much anything but didn't particularly like eels. I asked if she'd ever been to Centennial Park to feed bread to the eels and she said no. She did say though that she would like some sashimi.

When the food came, she said "bona petite" and at first I didn't know what the hell she had said, lol. Seems a bit sophisticated for me, hehe.

I noticed she would brush her hair back behind her ears quite a few times.

I wasn't really nervous much, and didn't seem to have the time to stop and think "whoa, you're having dinner with a complete stranger". I just found it easy to get along with her. We talked about eachother's jobs, she said she didn't like hers at first but after a few years she started to like it. I noted how far it is between where she lives and where she works, and she said yeah, and said something about it being a long drive.

We had our laughs, but one thing was she told me she would be going to Europe soon for six weeks by herself. I thought maybe it was an 'out-clause' for her not to see me again, but I think she was genuine about it because she was saying how she was going around seeing her friends before she left and how she had a lot of leave accrued anyway.

I found we had a lot of similarities:

- we were both born in HK and came over here at a young age (she came over when she was 3);

- we've both been to Lismore (she was there for 10 weeks for work) - I told her that was why I signed onto the site and she was like "so you've been on it for that long" and I was like "well I don't use it that much";

- we both live at home with our parents, and our parents still treat us like kids, lol.

I did, however, feel a bit of a difference when she was surprised I didn't have an ipod. I felt a bit old and out-dated.

I asked her how she got into rock climbing and she said just through a friend who took her there. She asked about basketball a bit, and said her ex used to play as well.

She said she goes for the Tigers, and I said I go for the Roosters, and she'd been to a Roosters vs Tigers game with her ex.

It felt like we were there talking for ages. But one moment changed for me, and kinda slowed me down in terms of 'momentum'. I realised I had forgotten her real name. "What the hell was Caz short for?" I wondered.

It was a bit cold for me, despite the heater being right next to us. Also, I was busting to go to the toilet. Finally I found a break in our conversation and went to the toilet. You had to go through the kitchen to get to the toilet, and on the way there every staff would say "moshi moshi" and on the way back they'd say "ohayoo gozaimus", lol. When I returned, she said she was going to go and I told her it'd be quite an experience.

As I sat there by myself, I wondered if I had left the toilet in a dirty state? I don't think so. It'd look pretty bad if she saw piss all over it, lol. Lucky I'm a clean person.

I didn't plan it, but just thought that this was a good opportunity to pay the bill, instead of fighting over it at the end. So I went to the counter and paid. It was just under $70. When she came back, she thanked me, and I asked her how she knew I paid but didn't quite catch her answer.

She said she'd buy me dessert in return, which I thought was a good sign. But part of me also wondered if she was just doing it 'to be fair'. We stood around a bit wondering where to go. I was about to take her to the Riviera, but she said it was a bit cold for ice cream, and then suggested a Russian place for dessert, so we walked there.

It was a bit quiet as we walked, I actually kinda enjoyed it, but we talked about movies. She's a Harry Potter fan. On our way there we also talked about my knee a bit. I asked her if it was ever going to be as good as it was before the operation, and she said no. She also said it was likely that I'd get arthritis, which I already knew.

The place was on a street I've walked on many times, but the place is downstairs below street level, so it's not really something you notice unless you're looking for it. It was a bit dark, we went down, and waited briefly for a table. I made fun of the waiter trying to make it seem like we'd struggle to get a table. Finally we were shown a table in a quiet corner.

We ordered our desserts, I wanted to share but obviously it didn't work out that way. We talked more, but to be honest, I was getting kinda tired. I felt like I had had a big week at work, and kinda just wanted to be by myself. She said I was kinda quiet and shy. I said I was introverted. She asked me what I thought about her, and I said she seemed positive, up beat, and a good person. She said she had been described as 'assertive', and I said that wasn't a bad thing.

She asked me if I believed in karma, and I generally said no, citing Malay and Bob as two extreme examples. She asked me a bit about my relationship history, which was a bit hard. I said I went out with a girl briefly (Emily) for about six months but she ended up with another guy. She said her ex was Malaysian Chinese, and they went out for 18 months. She said they just both realised it wasn't working out, and it seemed like a peaceful end.

She asked me what was the most romantic thing I'd ever done, and I really couldn't come up with an answer, so said I didn't know. Great.

She asked me if I had any close female friends. I thought that was a bit of a dig at me, so I said I had one (Ele), which was the truth anyway. Looking back, maybe she doesn't want someone who has a close female friend?

We talked about fobs, and I asked her how she'd define one and she actually gave a pretty good definition. I said my parents expects me to end up with an Australian girl, and she said something like "you so don't suit an Aussie girl". Funny, cause the next day Bo said he could picture me with one.

After we finished our desserts, she left for the bathroom, and when she came back, I did the same. When I came back, she had the bill, and then we took it to the counter. She paid, and asked for a receipt. I half jokingly asked if it was for her tax return, and she said it was, and asked how I knew. It was really just an educated guess (why else would you ask for a receipt?). She said her work gives her some entitlements or something.

As we walked out onto the street, I said "where'd you park? I'll walk you to your car". She said it was alright, and I said I'd walk her to her car, and this time, she more sternly (I thought) said I didn't need to. I was a bit taken aback, and was like ok. So we reached the street corner, and parted. She said we should catch up sometime, and I was like "yeah, maybe after you come back from Europe".

Then we waved and I walked away, hands in my suit pockets. I heard a loud bang on the traffic lights button, and wondered if it was her, but I didn't turn around. I also wondered if my "maybe after you come back from Europe" sounded like a polite 'no'.

Saturday
Drove to the office in the morning to get my things, saw Jacqueline working there to my surprise. Drove back home, then caught a bus to Central to meet Bo.At the bus stop, I decided to text Caz.

Me @ 8:51 - Hey, I enjoyed last night, thanks again for dessert, let us know when you're back from Europe, would like to hear all about it :)

Of course, the anxious constant checking of the phone began there.

On the train, I told him about my date, but the talk about Thursday's case seemed to take more precedence for him.

From our Kainan team, it was just me, Bo, Alex, Jackson, aid I got to meet Gary at the end, although we played against him for a few games. He seems like he's got the intensity our team needs, although he's not as good as he is tall.

I swear, I had one of THE funnest games in recent times. We started off playing with One and Gus, and those guys are really fucking hilarious. When we took a break after winning two games, I sat on the bench with them and just enjoyed listening to them banter on about stuff. I also realised at that moment that I wasn't just quiet with girls, but pretty much with anyone. And I liked it. It allows me to savour the moment.

I resisted from checking my phone during breaks, telling myself not to get too attached. I have bball, and I always need to stick to that.

Back on the court, I had even more laughs, when I heard One say to Gus "you dumbass", lol! Towards the end, the fun never stopped as we ran a lot of fast breaks, and once One and I were on a two on none break, and I bounced it high up for him and he missed the alley-oop, lol. Ah, fucking great!

I had so much fun! Playing with these guys feels completely natural. I don't feel pressured, I actually feel like I'm having fun! And isn't that what basketball is supposed to be about?

At the end of the games, I checked my phone.

Caz @ 11:44 - Yeh... Wouldn't mind catching up again when I get back in nov...

I was so excited I showed Bo the message, lol. We had more messages on Thursday, but it's too long to type it all out.

Afterwards I went to the pub with One and Bo. It was funny to hear One slag off Jimmy, lol, because he reckons Jimmy only replies to his messages when there's something in it for him, haha. It was all too funny.

Bo and I caught the train back, and we talked about Jimmy a bit. I said he didn't seem like he gives 100% effort in games, and he agreed.

My plan was to go into work, but I thought "screw it, I've had such a fun day, I want to enjoy it" so I just went home and bummed around. Although turns out my car over-heated again, so more $$$ coming my way (or going out).

Today
I bummed around in the morning, had a nap till noon then walked out to work. Melissa was there, and I prepared for my hearing on Wednesday. I stayed till just before 5pm, then went to Market City to get a plastic top for my new phone (Samsung) and then went to Paddy's to get a cover for the phone, because I don't like having the top exposed.

I walked back home, sometimes wondering if Caz wanted to see me before she left.