Cindy, the return of

On Friday night I met up with Coco, Yvonne and Wendy.

The original plan was to go to Ivy, but then Yvonne said she had free tickets to the movie The Duff. I wasn't especially keen for a movie, but it was free, so what the hell. I figured we could go to Ivy afterwards.

So I met up with Coco first, then Yvonne arrived. We watched the movie and enjoyed a free choc top. I tried to fall asleep in the movie but couldn't. I guess it was bearable.

After that we met up with Wendy at World Square. I took a brief walk around to look for her and when I returned, Yvonne asked why I deleted Jenny from my facebook friends list. I asked what made her think I deleted her and not her deleting me, and she said "my source". I looked at Coco and she looked away. I didn't say anything and it was a bit awkward for a moment.

Then Wendy arrived. She gave Coco and me a hug, and she shook hands with Yvonne. I could tell Yvonne wasn't very open to meeting Wendy. It was a stark contrast - Wendy was young, flashy, and came from a rich family. Yvonne was ugly, past her prime, and worked for her own money.

We decided to have sushi for dinner, against my suggestion of pizza. Coco suggested Mizuya, but Yvonne didn't want to go to that one because it was too close to her work. So we walked to Chinatown for another Mizuya, yeah, whatever.

Dinner was ok. I found it was me trying to start group conversations at times when it went quiet. I did make a few jokes which made Wendy laugh, which impressed me because she always seems so stoic. Yvonne told us she was meeting a guy on the weekend for bike riding but wouldn't label it as a date, and got defensive when we questioned her about it and called it a date. Why are girls so hesitant to call things a date?

She seemed to be the female version of Shuing that night, being nit picky on small things. Like when I made a joke about personal loans and interest rate being like 5%, she said "they're more like 10%". I mean, who cares?

After dinner we decided on dessert, but Yvonne wanted to go home. Then Wendy, Coco and I wanted to go to Ivy, but in the end we went to get coffee near World Square. I paid for Wendy's ice cream because she got our table and didn't have cash, and I didn't mind, it was only like $6.

We sat there talking about guys and girls really, just showing pictures of people and seeing if they were attractive.

After that we called it a night. I walked Coco to her bus stop and waited with her for the bus.

Saturday
So yetserday I was to meet Cindy for coffee/lunch/dinner. We had agreed on Wechat to meet at 5pm. Then at around noon I sent her a message confirming to meet at 5pm at World Square. I kept myself busy by being in the city. I was supposed to do a bit of work in the office, but most of my time was wasted by looking for a dry cleaner, and I found out the hard way that they have very short hours on Saturdays.

I gave up, grabbed some Macca's and went into the office where I got about an hour's worth of work done. I then went home, and got ready. I still had not received a reply.

So I texted her on Kakaotalk, and the messages were soon read. When I got to the city and parked, she replied saying she was working and apologised. I got angry and asked her why she didn't tell me earlier, adding that I was already there. More texting back and forth, and through her poor English I managed to figure out she was near the fish markets, and that I was supposed to meet her there.

I drove there and turned out she lived in an apartment nearby. At first I saw a girl standing on the street corner and didn't think it was her as she was too tall. Then I realised she was the only one on that street, so I did a u-turn and drove slowly by her and stopped. She looked into my car, and I looked back at her. She walked over and opened the door. I felt like I was picking up a street prostitute.

She got in, and I semi-recognised her. I thought she was shorter, and I thought she was darker. Oh well. I also thought she had better spoken English, but her English was actually quite broken, although still better than Jin's.

I gave her the chcoolate Easter bunny I bought for her, and she started telling me about her work, and how a lot of the girls at the "127 shop" (the one Angel works at) are talking about her. She was talking about how once she left 127, all the girls were talking about her, and how 127 kept asking her for money for her visa, something in the range of $5500.

We went to Broadway for coffee. She seemed to be a bit taken aback by the food court but went with it. I couldn't think of a cafe at that moment. As soon as we got out of the car and walked, I noticed her touching my back and walking close to me.

We found a small cafe store and bought her a mocca, a hot chocolate for myself, and we shared a risotta cake which she didn't like too much. I think I was a bit too eager, asking her out to the Eastershow too soon. She didn't know what it was, and when I showed her photos she didn't seem too keen.

She did seem keen to see me though, but all she could talk about was her work. I did initially kick things off by talking about my HK trip and showing her the photos. I thought work would be the last thing she'd want to talk about in public, but I guess anyone over hearing us wouldn't have figured it out anyway. She told me the following things:

- she lived in the living room of an apartment, and with one girl who works at 127
- she is on a student visa
- she plans to work one year for the money
- after she left 127, she worked at 5 Star for a week, then moved to the 'in call' place she works at now
- this place is run by a guy who organises customers through Wechat, and then sends them to motels either in the city or Ashfield, and she is currently at the Ashfield one
- she said when customers pay $250 at 127, the girls get $140, and here she gets $180
- she said she preferred this motel arrangement over working in a shop

She asked me when was the last time I went to 127, and I lied and said about a month ago, not that she seemed to mind. She did seem to want my business, and asked my friends to go, but I told her my friends don't know about my habit.

She said something about the shop finding out girls meeting customers outside of the shop, and used "you", but I couldn't tell if she meant me specifically or was just using me as an example.

Her phone rang a few times and it was her boss. Despite her earlier messages, she didn't seem to be in too much of a rush, but we did finish up and leave at about 7pm. As we walked off, we talked about dinner and agreed to meet on Tuesday for dinner. She said she was working over the next three days, then would rest on Monday and would have the energy to come out on Tuesday.

She was again touching my back and was now walking even closer, so that her breast was on my arm.

We half joked about me going to see her at the motel later that night, but I didn't say anything when she seemed to take it seriously. She did ask me to visit her next week though.

I dropped her off at her apartment, and she seemed to get really touchy, massaging my shoulder. I was like a rock. I didn't know how to react, AND I wasn't comfortable with getting too physical upon seeing her for the first time in a long time. I told her if she was going to cancel then to tell me earlier, and she just said "kakaotalk".

I left, feeling like she would be a good bandaid for what happened with Jenny. But I couldn't really figure out why she re-initiated contact. Was it for work purposes? But the thing is, we began texting way before she started at this new place. But it was after she left 127. Or does she need help with something else?

I get the feeling she's not after me as a boyfriend. It all seems a bit too easy, and as we all know, nothing comes easily.

How the fuck did you go from $200 to $2000???

Yesterday I met up with Coco. Initially it was going to be just for coffee, but then it turned into dinner. We were going to go to one of Dion's cafes, she joked that Jenny may be working at one of them, but later on in the night she told me that Jenny had already asked (the day before Valentine's Day) and he said no as he wanted someone with experience.

Anyway, she told me he didn't reply when she asked where one of his cafes were located, so I suggested the Lindt cafe as it was back open after the whole siege thing. We went there and had coffee, shared a quiche and cake, and talked about Jenny. I told her everything, and even she called bullshit on what Jenny said to me.

Then towards the end, she popped the idea of me joining her and Ferris for dinner. I have never met Ferris before but had heard a lot about her. So we had some time to kill and went briefly looking for a portable DVD player for Coco and then spent a lot of time at a make up shop whilst I waited around.

We then met Ferris for dinner at a place called Crazy Wings. She actually looked better than I expected, and I had seen her photos. But I don't think she is my type. Funnily enough, I kinda approached the whole thing with a "I don't give a fuck" attitude.

After dinner we went to have frozen yogurt and talked more there.

I think it was all the talk about Jenny throughout the day, it got me depressed/angry. I ended up calling Jin. Some Korean guy picked up. I then texted her on Kakaotalk, and she told me "fuck u" about 100 times lol. Then I think she blocked me.

But interestingly enough, this morning I noticed she changed her profile picture to the sunset she took when we went to Palm Beach together with Jin Ju. Her status had also been changed to:

실감이안난다..하늘나라..그곳은편하시죠?

I had someone translate this for me and this is what they said:

Robin · I Can't feel it really...  is it save and ease in heaven ..(   that 's expression for the dead preson .. like a someone with whom one is very closely

Robin · MAYBE --- SOMEONE was dead ago .. another person  talkto himself  . missing dead one.

Robin · 실감이이 않난다.(  I CAN'T FEEL IT REALLY -- WHY ARE YOU ARE NOT HERE - BECUAE HE 'S DEAD..

I immediately felt sorry for her. I didn't realise that by getting in touch with her would cause so much pain.

I had a busy day at work today, spent most of it at court with DC in one of my matters. Then because of all the stress, the depression, and the anger, I decided to go gamble.

I withdrew $2000 and went to the casino after work. I saw Julie there but she was just knocking off at 6pm.  I lost $1600 in about 30 minutes, maybe even less. My goal was just to win $100 to make up for the money I spent with Coco yesterday (and that fucking expensive farewell lunch for TR on Friday which cost $100).

With my last $400 in chips, I was texting the shop to see if Angel was working. She wasn't. I asked about other girls, but didn't really feel like seeing someone from the same shop. Does this mean I hav developed some sort of feelings for Angel?

Anyway, that period whilst waiting for the shop to reply to my texts, I was playing colour/column with minimum bets. I continued doing this, but on one bet, I thought, fuck it, I'm not going to the shop anyway, just lose it all and go home. I bet the rest of my chips on the next spin and...won.

I stayed, but bet 'cautiously' (lol no such thing). I somehow got my way back to $600, then $800. Then $1000. I thought about leaving and cutting my losses, but habit kept me there. I slowly SLOWLY made my way back up, all the way to $1840.

I then timed my bets and made my way up even further, and eventually got to $2200, so a $200 gain. I cashed out, caught a taxi home and had dinner with my mum and sister.

I still do not know how I came back from that. I was one lucky son of a bitch. Fucking amazing.

'J'

Sometime between last night and this morning, a revelation came to me: most of the girls I have liked in the past have names starting with 'J'. Wanna bet?

Nicole

Emily

Amanda

Jody

Jin

Lina

Victoria

Julie

Jenny

Ok, so about half. But still pretty amazing eh?

Anyway, been relatively productive at work lately. On Tuesday I decided to really focus and so I switched my phone off in the office. I did the same yesterday, but gave in twice to switch it on to check for messages.

Today, I managed to get my hearing next week postponed. It was good because I hadn't spent much time preparing, only started yesterday. Fortunately, Aaron had stuffed up and forgotten to have some calls transcribed, so I was pushing the angle that it needed time. Luckily Mob took my side and spoke to Gary, who then spoke to the boss.

Crisis relieved.

In terms of Jenny, I've started getting over it, but from time to time I still feel a burst of anger. Looking at the phone records, it seems like she has stopped using it since the 13th of 14th, but it also looks like she checks every morning to see if it is still working. Does that mean she is still thinking about me?

I am planning to have it cancelled tomorrow, but part of me feels like I shouldn't, as it is the last thing left inbetween us. But another part of me tells me I have to be cold, and just do it. Doing it might actually increase her interest level, if it is to be believed that she will come back eventually.

In other news, a couple of girls seem to have resurrected themselves. Recently I realised Cindy requested to add me on Wechat. Yeah, remember her? I wonder if it's a trap set up by her and Angel, to see if I am a "playa". Just seems too coincidental that Cindy would pop back up at a time like this.

Then tonight I saw that a 'Julie' requested to add me on Wechat. I don't know who that is, unless it's that girl I chatted with a few times from online dating.

And speaking of tonight, I met up with G at Chinksford Macca's after work. He just returned from China this morning. He didn't say much about what happened with the girl, and what he did say was a result of me pressing for it. All he said was that his mum and aunty met the girl's parents, and then the aunty told him that they were not compatible. Hmmm.

I told him everything about what happened with Jenny, even the 'bubble' stuff that Coco had told me. I was a bit disappointed that G at times went off on a tangent or wanted to crack a joke, but at least he agreed with me that Jenny shouldn't have hung out with me knowing that I liked her.

Tiffany open pendant necklace

Wednesday
It was pay day, so after work I went to Tiffany to buy Angel a present. Why was I willing to dish out $175 for it? It was a combination of things I suppose. She had asked for it and she had seemed like she wanted to get closer in recent times, and in some strange way I was treating her as a continuation of Jenny. It's as if part of me just pretended the Jenny thing never happened, and whatever romantic interest spectrum I was on just continued onto Angel.

It was my first time in the store. This was one of those places that were always way too expensive for me to even consider looking into the window at. But I had checked their website and it looked like the cheapest thing was around $175, and the open heard pendant and necklace at that price looked good enough.

I probably couldn't have looked more like a cheapskate when I walked in, and asked the first store assistant to help me "I'm looking for the Elsa open heart pendant, for $175". Did I really have to specify the price? Anyway, he directed me upstairs, so up I went, only to stand around and wait like 15 minutes because every store assistant was already serving a customer. The place looked so high class that all the assistants were wearing a glove on one hand to handle the jewellery.

Eventually I was served, and got the purchase done relatively quickly as I had already found what I wanted. The girl asked me what the occasion was, and my first thought was "don't tell her you're getting this for a prostitute". I said it was a random surprise, and she said how nice.

In basketball, it was another frustrating night. Big Kevin told us he was going to HK, and Johnny as usual was a no-show without a word. It was a 9:50pm game, I didn't have the car, and I was injured - and I still made it to the game. That is how bad I wanted to win this one.

Anyway, I caught the train out to the game. Kelvin was the first to show up after me. For some reason he seemed a bit quieter than usual, but I wasn't sure if it was me or him. I'll admit I was a bit quiet in the beginning as well, but only because I wanted to finish off listening to the motivation speeches I had on my iPod.

He wasn't any better during the game, where he first set a screen for me on NO ONE, so when I passed him the ball it hit him in the shoulder but luckily we retrieved it. Then there were two other passes which hit him in the head and in the back because he wasn't ready for them.

We were sort of in the game in the beginning, but the other team pulled away, and got so comfortable they started joking around towards the end. We made a slight run but just didn't have enough gas.

Towards the end of the game as well, my injury really started affecting me. I could jog, but couldn't sprint. I got so frustrated I swore at Mike when their big guy drove it and Mike just stood aside to let him drive.

Kelvin left after the game and I let off steam about him to the other guys, which was so loud it caught the attention of one referee who was standing around.

I can't remember the last time I felt this angry. I just felt there was such an imbalance in motivation, why was I so motivated but these guys looked like they weren't even trying? Why?

I somewhat enjoyed the train ride home, just being by myself and listening to the motivational speeches.

Thursday
I was pretty excited to see Angel and give her the gift I had gotten her. But when I texted the shop asking if she was working, they said no. Usually I wouldn't have cared too much, but since the Jenny thing, Angel had now become my number one 'focus', and my paranoia acted up. Part of me wondered if she had known I'd visit on Thursday/Friday so she decided to avoid me.

I was pretty calm about it at first, telling myself I'd just see her the next night. But then curiosity got the best of me and I went looking for other places. I had found this girl before and she looked hot, but I told myself the photo was a fake. I had even found it on Google Image. But stupidity got to me and I went ahead to book it.

I even had various chances to jump ship, like when I was waiting downstairs and they were telling me the girl was downstairs, so I got to see her without her knowing who I was. Her body did resemble the girl in the photo a bit, but this girl's face was a bit chubby. I went in and nodded at her and we both knew. She took me upstairs, I paid her the exorbitant amount of $380, and we got the deed done.

I felt somewhat guilty afterwards because of the cost of it, but told myself it was nevertheless better than gambling and losing $2000 in one night.

Friday
Tonight Angel was working. I went home after work to change, and then drove out to the shop. I got there right on time and was shown in by the tall guy wearing the thick framed glasses. I told him I had made a booking and I went into the waiting room to wait.

I heard him call out to Angel and say something about working. I flipped through a car magazine and a while later she came over and opened the door. She led me to the room that's on the 'mid floor' and we went in. I sat down on the single person couch and asked her to sit on my lap. When she did I playfully pushed her off and asked her to sit down again. She didn't fall for it lol, and asked me to put my arms up, which I did.

She sat down again and I held her, and then asked her to close her eyes. She closed them and I went in for a kiss but she ducked away. I told her to close her eyes again, and this time asked "chinca?" to make sure. She said yes, so I pulled out the box in front of her and asked her to open. She opened them and was surprised to see the box.

She sat upright on my lap and started opening the box. She asked what was in it and shook it but it made no sound. I joked it was empty. She opened it and opened the pouch contained within. She couldn't find anything and pouted that it was empty.

What the fuck? Did I get screwed? Did they not put the necklace inside???

She handed me the pouch back and I searched inside whilst she just looked forward. I had to turn the thing inside out to find the necklace - either it was too small, or it had been stuffed in too deep. I pulled it out and showed it to her, and she accused me of hiding it in my pocket the whole time. Geez, I wish, that actually would've been a pretty good trick.

She held it up to look at it and said she liked it. She gave it back to me, wanting me to put it on for her. She lifted her hair up and so I did. I feared I wouldn't be able to because I didn't have any practice, but I got it on ok.

I told her I wanted to see her the day before but was told she wasn't working. She said she spent the day with a friend who had gone back home to Korea on the Friday morning, and added that she was sad. I asked if she had known the friend for long, she said no but she had been a good friend.

She said she liked it and kept kissing me on the cheek to thank me. She wanted to look for a mirror and then went out to find one. She returned, and then went out again to get some drinks. When she returned, we drank and talked sitting on the bed. She had a coffee and I had a melon juice. It was pretty nice.

I did playfully ask her to come out to dinner with me, but she said nothing each time I asked. I wasn't expecting a yes anyway. At one point she was on top of me holding each other and she said she didn't like her job.

Because she was now my only option, I got a bit nervous and at times didn't know what to say. We eventually hugged and kissed and started fooling around. We both got our tops off and at one stage she said "hug me", so I held her from behind as we laid there on the bed. We ended up kissing a bit and she asked me to shower, I looked at the clock and we only had about 15 minutes left so I said we didn't have enough time.

But more kissing moments later made us both hop into the shower, and I got on top of her kissing her, and thought maybe she was open to doing it without using a condom. But when I tried to see how far I could go, she suggested using a condom and reached out for one and put it on for me. We had sex for a bit but the buzzer went and I just said not to worry. I didn't go there for sex anyway.

Saturday
Went to the doctor's in the morning. Had a 9:15am appointment and got seen at 10am. Not sure why the fuck they even have an appointment system.

Anyway, just got told what I had already found out through Google - I have plantar fasciitis and achilles tendonitis. I was prescribed some anti-inflammation capsules, and recommended to buy some heel cups. Surprisingly he said I could continue with exercising.

Played GTA V heists in the day and then in the afternoon went to pick up Daniel from the uni near me to go to basketball together. As always, had a good chat on the drive there. Neither of us played again as we were both injured, so we just sat at the scorer's table doing duty.

After basketball we went for dinner at Pho An in Bankstown at my suggestion. It was a good idea because everyone liked it, but didn't realise they had raised the prices.

After dinner we split, and I drove Daniel home.

Day of mixed emotions

I walked to work today listening to this, sent to me by a friend. Honestly, I almost cried when I heard it. It was just so touching, so inspirational...so something I needed all this time.

It really helped me put the whole Jenny thing into perspective - there were much bigger aims in life, much bigger things in life for me to do. Concerning myself over her just wasn't worth it.

I felt so good by the time I got to work, so motivated to work. My productivity was a bit better than usual today, got a lot of work done. However, later in the day, I could feel my mindset beginning to change.

I started getting angry at her. Like, really angry. I was angry at the fact that she kept using my phone. I was angry that she had lied to me. I was angry that she had misled me. I felt like shoulder charging something. I was losing it. I felt like shoulder charging...her.

I could almost feel the change in my mindset. It was as if sitting in this prison of an office was polluting my mind. It was unhealthy. I could go crazy sitting in here.

I went to the gym after work, only did bike and abs as I was still sore from the massive workout on Sunday.

I checked the phone account that she is using, and she is still using my phone. I wonder when she will stop? Will she really use it right up until the end? Is that how tight she is with money? Part of me thinks/hopes she will contact me when the next week is up, about the phone. Maybe that will be her way of re-initiating contact?

In my experience, when I drop off with a girl, she eventually gets back into contact with me - Jin, Lina to name a couple. The only exception was Victoria.

I also thought about her seeing me at the casino. I am definitely sure she saw me. Her job is to walk around. The way she was standing, near me, was just too out of the ordinary for her job. Only question is, what was she thinking? Surely she couldn't have been absolutely repulsed by me, otherwise she would've quietly snuck by with her colleague. So why hang around momentarily in my line of sight?

Everyone at the casino!

On Wednesday, I had decided on a rough form of words I'd send to Jenny in order to end this thing formally. I was planning to do it at night time when I was in bed, but I couldn't resist.

The whole thing had made me so depressed I had taken the day off work. So I got to basketball early and after a bit of shooting around with Mark, I sat down and decided to send it to her.

I think you know how I feel about you.

But I think you don't feel the same way.

So I think it is better we stop going out

Then I got to playing basketball. We were playing the best team, HBK, and it was a close one for most of the game. We had like an eight point lead in the first half before they came storming back and led by one at halftime. I wasn't worried, but in the second half we were stagnant, and they soon took a lead. I subbed on and decided to take on their guard one on one. It worked - he only scored four points in the second half against the 21 he scored in the first.

But it wasn't enough. We missed big shots down the stretch that could've given us the lead, and so we lost.

I checked my phone and there was no reply. I went to eat with the guys, but as good as it was to hang out with them, I had to admit my mind was elsewhere.

On the way home, I sent her further messages.

My friend said the shoe store should call you sometime this week, so good luck with that.

Also, I would like my mobile number back, so please get a new number in two weeks. After that I will ask Optus to change it back for me. Sorry for the inconvenience.

She replied with a long ass message about 20 minutes later:

 Sure...i will get new number...and i also wana let u know how i feel towards the issue...u know..i appreciate for all the kindness from u to me during this period, i treasure alot of our friendship and i hv told u everything abt myself...i treat u as my real brother...and i always wana return all the kindness to u asap...and i thought u also treat me as a little sister...i feel im lucky to have a brother like u here which i can talk with u for everything...im actually surprise that u hv been thinking more then friendship...as i thought i hv already told everyone that i wont think abt it unless i got well settle down myself n if i m sure i will stay here for long...As i dont believe there will be any gd result if i cant stay here in stable condition...and i reli dont want to break any friendship that i treasure alot...it will be hurt by the time im leaving here...i wanna make things simple...but now i know wht u think n i am very sorry that i dont act wht u expect...im very sad at the same time that i hv to lose u...but i understand we hardly be gd friend anymore...no wor...I hope all fine for each of us...take gd care....

I knew I shouldn't have replied, but her reply actually pissed me off so I had to send one back:

I did think about your situation, and I know I can support you and provide stability, which would allow you to find more stable job if you wanted. But I am disappointed to hear that you didn't think I wanted more than friendship, especially after asking you out on Valentine's Day. Anyway, it doesn't matter now, but I wish you all the best.

 The next day at work, I was actually able to focus somewhat and get some work done, albeit slowly. After work I had to meet Solene, so I went home, changed and went back out to the city. I met her at Frankie's Pizza and she was there with a friend, called Gemma. We hugged as we greeted each other, and then spent the rest of the time eating a vegetarian pizza and drinking soft drinks and talking.

It was such a relief to pay for only my share. I think I was too used to going out to dinner with Jenny.

Gemma had to go to work (she is a nurse) so Solene and I went to check out a pub recommended by her friend, called Shady Pines. We walked there with Gemma then went into the pub ourselves. It actually was pretty cool. This must be the first pub I've ever liked. It had dead animal heads stuck on all the walls, which gave it a very American feel.

We had a drink and sat and talked about stuff. At moments I'd go silent and she'd pick up the slack. After an hour or so we decided to leave, and I walked her back home, which was a lot further than I expected. We ended up in a place called the Australian Technology Park, which I had never even heard of before, but it looked like an amazing and live-able place.

I caught a taxi home because I couldn't be fucked finding a train station or bus stop.

On Friday after work I went home, then drove out to meet Bush and Kylie for dinner out in Parramatta, and Liz was there too.

I gave them some lucky cats I got from HK, as well as a "Number 1 Solicitor" magnent for Bush lol. We had a big dish of pasta each which no one could finish except me, though I had missed out on entree. It was a good catch up, I noticed Kylie had put on a LOT of weight. Goddamn.

We had a long discussion about 'that' blue and black or gold and white dress, which was funny because we got the waitress involved.

After dinner we went to get Messina and then sat near the fountains to talk. That was Kylie's idea as she said it'd be romantic. But it ended up being a conversation between Bush and I, and Kylie just talked with Liz.

When we finished, I drove Bush home, and this is when I told her about Jenny. She agreed with me that Jenny should've known we were more than just friends. We talked about other dating scenarios for me but I kinda just wanted to focus on this whole Jenny thing.

When we got to her house, we sat in my car for like half an hour talking about what we'd do if we changed careers. Apparently she had looked into studying medicine. Hmmm.

After she left I felt like going for a punt, but didn't. I messaged Coco to see if she'd come out, but she was with Jay. So I went home and saw my dad at the bus stop. I had driven past him, but did a mad rush around the block and managed to pick him up just before the bus did lol.

Yesterday I didn't do much, rested in the morning and then went to basketball training in the afternoon but didn't play as I wanted to rest my left achilles. I picked up Daniel and he was out of action too after dislocating his elbow. So we both just did duty and had a mad conversation about girls and basketball lol.

Afterwards we went to Pine Inn to eat, which we hadn't had for a long time.

Today, I went into work and got a bit of work done. I then went to the gym and had a massive session, then went to do some grocery shopping. I went home, and was home alone, so the gambling bug got to me. I checked the schedule Jenny had sent me previously of her working roster, and she wasn't rostered on to work tonight, so I thought, good.

I went into the casino with $1000 and decided to play colour/columns and try to win $100 and leave. I saw Julie working on the computer roulette thing. On my very first spin, I won $300. Yes, time to leave eh? But then I saw Summer had just started a shift on a table, so I eventually waddled over to her.

I greeted her with "long time no see" and she seemed a bit surprised to see me. We talked as she spun and as I played. I don't know what it is about her, but she always makes me lose. Two times she hit 16 when I had bet black/third column, and we all know 16 is inbetween 24 and 33. During the conversation, I think I made a couple of lies. First was that I said the longest I had ever been there was two hours, and second was that I hadn't been to the casino for a few months.

At one stage I looked at Julie, and I wasn't sure if she was looking at me or just in my direction. The distance between us was too great.

I went from $1300 to $500 with her. I was going to call it quits and go for a punt if I lost another spin, but then my luck started to change. I somehow managed to crawl my way back up to a $1200 balance. Shortly after that, I kinda felt like someone was looking at me. So I turned to my left slightly and saw Jenny there working with another girl. She wasn't looking at me, but they both were just standing there looking like they didn't know where to go. Judging from the circumstances, I would say Jenny had seen me.

I had $1200 in hundred dollar chips in front of me. Great. Now the cat is out of the bag. I looked over at the tables far away, and it looked like they were just opening them up. I then saw Julie go to the supervisor there. She had her trademark smile which I am still totally in love with. I noticed she had put on a bit of weight, but with her face and personality, I really wouldn't mind if she was overweight.

I waited for them to walk past, and took a look at Jenny. Her head looked really big. Like I know she has a bit of a big forehead, but maybe it was the dress, it made her whole head look disproportionately bigger than usual. And I no longer found her attractive.

I then said to Summer that I had to go and I'd see her next time. I went to cash out and then was walking towards the main entrance/exit when I saw Julie walking across towards me. We made eye contact, and I decided it was too late to ignore her. So I smiled and she smiled back, adding a low wave with her hand as well, almost like what I do when I want to make sure they have seen my greeting.

So there you go. All the girls I have ever found attractive in recent times, all in one place, all seen by me and seen me, tonight at the casino. Sometimes I think maybe my fate is intertwined with the casino.

I tried to hold her hand...and failed

Yesterday I was to meet Jenny for a movie and dinner. At work, she messaged me, asking if Coco had replied about checking the letterbox for her. I said no, and suggested that we go after the movie to get it ourselves (since Coco had said before that mail could be fished out of her letterbox using fingers).

I pictured us getting caught by the cops, but thought it would be worth the excitement.

After work, I went home and printed out copies of her resume like she asked for. I then went to the Wick to withdraw some money and pick up some tissues for her, as she always seems to ask if I have any for her nose.

While I'm shopping, I realised she called me a few moments ago so I call back. She says she's in Chinatown as she had to get something, so I said I'd pick her up from there. So I drive from the Wick and pick her up at Liverpool Street near the court house outside the Korean restaurants.

After a while she shows up with bags of groceries. She spots my car and starts walking towards me. She gets in with all her bags and says hello. She tells me that she was in Chinatown to meet her former flatmate to get some sort of charger off him. She proceeds to tell me that this guy gave her some news about Coco - that it seems like Jay spent a night with Coco at her place because one time she seemed interested to know if he was coming home that night and the next morning. She said he also overheard a conversation between them where Coco said something like "we've been together 24 days, and I've given you everything, we need to talk about the future" lol.

I had in mind to go to Bondi beach to eat because I wanted a walk near the beach with her, but I asked what she wanted to eat and she suggested sushi. I started thinking of a good sushi place and ended up taking her to Sushi Tei - the restaurant I went to with Jin, Ash and Suri. To my surprise it didn't bring back many memories, except for when I walked past the table we sat at when I went to the bathroom.

We ordered two main dishes to share but the first one was big enough to fill us both. The second was a couple of fish heads, which I didn't really like but she ordered it, so I went along with it.

We talked more about Coco, and she showed me a photo of her husband. He actually isn't a bad looking bloke, quite manly actually, and so I'm not sure why Coco doesn't like him. He certainly didn't look like the type to just stay at home all the time to play video games.

We also talked about her new place, she seems to like it a lot more than the other place. It has a great view, the girl she shares a room with is nice, and the couple who rent it out to them are nice too.

She said she went for a walk the day before with a friend from Bondi to Coogee, and I wondered who that friend was. She also said she has a friend coming from HK in April.

At the end of the meal I went to the bathroom, and when I returned, she went as well. I took the opportunity to pay. It cost only $70, so much better than the $90 at Hurricane's. Going out at this rate was starting to eat into my budget a bit.

We drove to the cinema in Bondi, and on the way I told her about a case I had previously where the officer was having an affair and persuaded the girlfriend to have an abortion even though she didn't want to.

We parked in the shopping centre car park, and I knew I had to make a move. This was: 1) dragging on way too long; 2) progressing too slowly; or 3) she was still waiting for a better option.

So as we walked through the almost empty shopping centre, I waited for an opportunity. She was talking about something and I just kept nodding until she finished. She was walking with her arms folded across her chest again. I then said "hey want to see a magic trick?" and she asked what it was. I asked her to put both hands out and she did. I took hold of one and she gave a shy laugh. She tried to pull back gently but I still had hold of it. She then used her other hand to push my arm away so I let go.

She said it wasn't a magic trick and I said it would lead her to the cinema. I thought I noticed her face blushing a bit. We talked a bit and I thought maybe I shouldn't let that be the be all and end all.

We went upstairs to the cinema and she asked if this was the largest cinema in Sydney. She was still being talkative. I had kinda started walking away in front of her as we went up the escalator. I bought two tickets to Project Almanac and we went to sit down to wait as we were about 20 minutes early.

I went to the bathroom and felt like bursting out into tears. When I came out, she went to the bathroom and took what I thought was longer than usual. I wondered if she was thinking about what had just happened.

When she returned, I thought she sat a bit further away from me than was necessary. I think in my mind, that was the final straw. The last thing I needed was to feel like someone didn't want to be near me.

We both played around on our phones in silence for a few minutes before I decided it was better to call it quits now than to sit through the movie. I got up and said I had a stomachache and wanted to go. She asked if it was something that could go away by using the bathroom and I said no. She asked if it was the salmon and I mumbled something. She asked if I have always been unable to eat salmon and I ignored it. I threw the tickets away into the bin as we walked.

I was walking ahead of her now, mostly in silence, apart from one or two times when she said something about how I should take some medicine when I get home, or when I got lost and needed to re-direct us.

By now I was messaging on my phone to go see Angel. I felt like crying and needed to see her.

We went to my car and got in, and I drove off, almost speeding in the shopping centre car park. I drove out to the road where her apartment is but on the opposite side. I thought she'd suggest getting out there and I wouldn't have objected, but she didn't say anything, so I turned into another road to do a u-turn to get onto her side of the road.

She said something about taking care and I just looked at her and gave her a weak smile without saying anything. Almost as soon as she got out, I did a u-turn and drove off.

I went to see Angel. She said it had been a long time. As usual, she went out to get some coffee for us and then returned to the room. We chatted flirtingly and I just wanted to hug and hold her. I showed her Anipang 2 and showed her how I had beat her score on one of the stages, and said she lied about having finished the game. She said she had finished it on her other phone and got playfully angry.

We held each other for a bit, just talking shit. I wasn't really looking for sex, but she seemed to be. She started taking my clothes off, and then we got into the shower. We had sex, but I couldn't come. I said I was tired, and god bless her, she tried so damn hard as she got on top of me, but in the end I just couldn't.

We talked a bit more. I playfully said stuff about being her boyfriend, but I think she thinks I was serious. She said she has hard rules and said something about everybody looking at me if we went out together. Towards the end, she looked at me with really sad and serious eyes. It looked like she was about to say something but didn't. I wonder what she was thinking.

She bit me hard on the bum, saying it was her mark on me.

The guy who was working the desk must've forgotten the time, because we stayed for like 90 minutes and he never buzzed. In the end we showered and got dressed and I left.

Helping Jenny move to Bondi

So Jenny had decided to move again. Her place near Central was too noisy, and there was a guy in the room, which wasn't what the landlord said when they negotiated.

She found a place in Bondi for $180 a week. Not sure how she's going to manage since she said her initial budget was $130/week and given she'll only make about $600 this month.

So in the morning I washed my car and went to get some groceries for the week ahead, then changed and went out to pick up Jenny. When I arrived and called her, she seemed surprised at the time, and said "give me $10" when she meant to say ten minutes. I was like "ten dollars?" and she laughed.

I waited a while and then saw her come out without any suitcases. She said she decided we would go check out the mattresses first and then come back to pick the stuff up. We sat in the car for a bit as she whinged about the landlord not keeping his word, fearing that he would change his mind about refunding her rent money.

After she vented, we discussed which mattress place to go to and she decided on Ikea. So we went there and got something to eat from the food court upon arrival. To my surprise she wanted to share food again, so we got some meatballs, macaroni, a pudding/cake, mash potatoes and a salmon salad to share.

We had a really good conversation as we sat there and ate, with me telling her about a sham marriage case I had, as that is what I thought Coco was initially doing. Of course, the conversation was interspersed with talk about Coco.

After that we moved through the place looking for a mattress. She picked out a cup and some bed and pillow covers. I remarked that she seemed to match the colour of the cup to the covers, and she said that was a coincidence but she did like the Tiffany blue colour.

It took us a while to find the mattress section but it was kinda fun when we eventually did, as we half playfully sat on the beds testing them out. She eventually picked one, but we had to go downstairs to actually pick it up. That took us a while as the aisles were right at the end of the store.

When we found it, it was packaged in a way much bigger than expected. We paid for all the stuff and then I had to go find some strings as the plan was to fold the mattress in half and tie it up to put in the car. I got the strings, then we both pulled apart the packaging together outside the store. When she had to tie it up, we got really close to each other and at one stage she stood behind me and wrapped her hands around my body as she needed to thread the strings through the right area.

To my surprise we got the job done and managed to fit the mattress into the back seat of the car. We then went back to her place to pick the suitcases up. Luckily the landlord returned all the money that was due. I was afraid I'd have to 'intimidate' him a little bit, but maybe the fact that I was just sitting there in the lounge silently was enough. Shuing did once say I looked like a guy not to be messed with.

We put all her stuff into my car and we were both pretty thirsty as it had been a hot day. We went to a cafe in the city to get a drink. She insisted on paying so I let her. We went to a cafe on the corner of Liverpool and Pitt Streets, a Korean run joint. We sat there talking about stuff and I asked if she had a boyfriend whilst she was in the US, and she said there wasn't really time for it as she was there to study and learn about the culture.

She did express to me how much she liked it there and how good her host family was, showing me lots of photos of them and their place. It made me wonder if she was just as proud of her own family in Hong Kong.

When we got to my car, she did something strange. She asked if she could go in via the driver's side as she didn't want to go in through the passenger side because of the traffic (there wasn't that much traffic). I said yes and watched as she struggled to climb over the middle console. I playfully gave her the keys and asked her to drive, she took them but didn't know where to put them. I had to lean in to put the hand brake down to make it easier for her.

We drove to the shopping centre in Bondi as we still had some time to kill before she could actually move in. We went to the food court where I got some Macca's and she got some Chinese noodles which she eagerly shared with me. We talked a bit about Coco's husband, and also her trip to Korea in October 2012 (2013?). She said she just went there to see the maple leaves.

After we finished eating we went to Coles for her to do some shopping. She bought enough food for a week, and I thought maybe she was pre-empting things a bit by buying all this stuff before moving in and settling in.

Anyway, afterwards we drove to her new apartment which wasn't far from the shopping centre at all. In a bit of light rain, we moved her stuff via a few trips. At one point she said it was lucky I went to the gym, and I joked that if she gave me more notice next time I could prepare even more and help her carry a King size mattress. When she helped me carry the mattress, I jokingly asked if I could tell people I had shared a mattress with her and she laughed.

Finally, I left her with the new place. It seemed a lot nicer than the other cramped up place. This time I didn't feel like I was abandoning her. We agreed to meet on Tuesday to see a movie.

Coco dinner Round 2

On Friday after work I went home to change and get the car, then went to pick up Coco. My attire was much more simpler than when I saw Jenny the previous night, almost as if I was trying to send a message.

Although I got there on time, she turned out to be about 20 minutes late, which was annoying. When she got into my car, we talked about where to go and in the end she suggested Ashfield, so off we went.

She told me that G had informed her earlier that day that he was now "just friends" with his girlfriend, who he went back to China to see and propose to, so obviously things didn't go too well.

Coco gave me some of Jenny's stuff to return to her, including a blue jacket, a bottle of perfume, and the two coconuts I gave to her. When I saw her the previous night, she did mention the two coconuts were in the fridge, but I wasn't sure if she meant the fridge in her new place, or the fridge in Coco's place. Now I knew.

She asked me how things were going with Jenny and I gave a vague response. She asked me if she was my girlfriend yet and I said no. I tried to deflect and asked her how Jay was.

When we got to the restaurant we talked about those things in more detail, however, this time I wasn't saying anything about Jenny. I decided to just be a sponge, pretending I knew nothing, and let her do all the talking. I was now obviously on Jenny's side.

I waited a while, but eventually she told me about her getting a casino job. I pretended I didn't know, and asked her about it. She said she got allocated a shift with Jenny and asked the manager not to work with Jenny, explaining that they used to be flatmates and didn't part on good terms. She assured me that was all she said. I told her not to tell the story to the other girls working there and she said "of course, what do you think I am, stupid?"

I asked her several times what she had said to the manager, and she repeated the same line about just saying she didn't part on good terms with Jenny. When I suggested they could at least work together for a few hours, she said she couldn't separate her emotions from work.

She asked me what I liked about Jenny and I gave her the same response as last time - that I thought she was a kind person. I added this time that she wasn't one who would just go for anybody, and she said all girls are like that. I gave her a look and she knew that wasn't correct.

She asked about my date with Jenny the previous night. When I told her where we went to eat, she said Jay and her went there earlier in the week too. She thought it was a bit strange that we shared our food though.

I asked her about Jay and she didn't seem that serious with him. She asked me if I thought he was too feminine and I said no. She said he was too young and cared too much about his appearance.

She seemed to want me to stop seeing Jenny, and suggested I join a group that meets up for drinks at The Ivy every Friday night. I knew I wasn't going, but I played along and she said she'd invite me into the chat group. She invited me into the group on Wechat.

We had dinner for about an hour to an hour and a half. I paid for it this time, even though she tried to put up a bit of a hollow fight. Afterwards I wanted to check out the Asian grocery store next door, where I bought a bottle of drink and two packs of Super Ring chips that Jenny said she liked. Coco really didn't have any money and had to ask me for the rent money then and there, so I gave her the $500.

I drove her home as she decided not to meet with her friends who were in the city. Strangely enough, I got a huge stomachache as I was driving, and it soon turned into one of those emergency situations. I was rushing to drop her off, and it was so bad that I left my car in front of her place and ran to the nearest pub to use their bathroom. I was really surprised I managed to hold it for that long.