I tried to hold her hand...and failed

Yesterday I was to meet Jenny for a movie and dinner. At work, she messaged me, asking if Coco had replied about checking the letterbox for her. I said no, and suggested that we go after the movie to get it ourselves (since Coco had said before that mail could be fished out of her letterbox using fingers).

I pictured us getting caught by the cops, but thought it would be worth the excitement.

After work, I went home and printed out copies of her resume like she asked for. I then went to the Wick to withdraw some money and pick up some tissues for her, as she always seems to ask if I have any for her nose.

While I'm shopping, I realised she called me a few moments ago so I call back. She says she's in Chinatown as she had to get something, so I said I'd pick her up from there. So I drive from the Wick and pick her up at Liverpool Street near the court house outside the Korean restaurants.

After a while she shows up with bags of groceries. She spots my car and starts walking towards me. She gets in with all her bags and says hello. She tells me that she was in Chinatown to meet her former flatmate to get some sort of charger off him. She proceeds to tell me that this guy gave her some news about Coco - that it seems like Jay spent a night with Coco at her place because one time she seemed interested to know if he was coming home that night and the next morning. She said he also overheard a conversation between them where Coco said something like "we've been together 24 days, and I've given you everything, we need to talk about the future" lol.

I had in mind to go to Bondi beach to eat because I wanted a walk near the beach with her, but I asked what she wanted to eat and she suggested sushi. I started thinking of a good sushi place and ended up taking her to Sushi Tei - the restaurant I went to with Jin, Ash and Suri. To my surprise it didn't bring back many memories, except for when I walked past the table we sat at when I went to the bathroom.

We ordered two main dishes to share but the first one was big enough to fill us both. The second was a couple of fish heads, which I didn't really like but she ordered it, so I went along with it.

We talked more about Coco, and she showed me a photo of her husband. He actually isn't a bad looking bloke, quite manly actually, and so I'm not sure why Coco doesn't like him. He certainly didn't look like the type to just stay at home all the time to play video games.

We also talked about her new place, she seems to like it a lot more than the other place. It has a great view, the girl she shares a room with is nice, and the couple who rent it out to them are nice too.

She said she went for a walk the day before with a friend from Bondi to Coogee, and I wondered who that friend was. She also said she has a friend coming from HK in April.

At the end of the meal I went to the bathroom, and when I returned, she went as well. I took the opportunity to pay. It cost only $70, so much better than the $90 at Hurricane's. Going out at this rate was starting to eat into my budget a bit.

We drove to the cinema in Bondi, and on the way I told her about a case I had previously where the officer was having an affair and persuaded the girlfriend to have an abortion even though she didn't want to.

We parked in the shopping centre car park, and I knew I had to make a move. This was: 1) dragging on way too long; 2) progressing too slowly; or 3) she was still waiting for a better option.

So as we walked through the almost empty shopping centre, I waited for an opportunity. She was talking about something and I just kept nodding until she finished. She was walking with her arms folded across her chest again. I then said "hey want to see a magic trick?" and she asked what it was. I asked her to put both hands out and she did. I took hold of one and she gave a shy laugh. She tried to pull back gently but I still had hold of it. She then used her other hand to push my arm away so I let go.

She said it wasn't a magic trick and I said it would lead her to the cinema. I thought I noticed her face blushing a bit. We talked a bit and I thought maybe I shouldn't let that be the be all and end all.

We went upstairs to the cinema and she asked if this was the largest cinema in Sydney. She was still being talkative. I had kinda started walking away in front of her as we went up the escalator. I bought two tickets to Project Almanac and we went to sit down to wait as we were about 20 minutes early.

I went to the bathroom and felt like bursting out into tears. When I came out, she went to the bathroom and took what I thought was longer than usual. I wondered if she was thinking about what had just happened.

When she returned, I thought she sat a bit further away from me than was necessary. I think in my mind, that was the final straw. The last thing I needed was to feel like someone didn't want to be near me.

We both played around on our phones in silence for a few minutes before I decided it was better to call it quits now than to sit through the movie. I got up and said I had a stomachache and wanted to go. She asked if it was something that could go away by using the bathroom and I said no. She asked if it was the salmon and I mumbled something. She asked if I have always been unable to eat salmon and I ignored it. I threw the tickets away into the bin as we walked.

I was walking ahead of her now, mostly in silence, apart from one or two times when she said something about how I should take some medicine when I get home, or when I got lost and needed to re-direct us.

By now I was messaging on my phone to go see Angel. I felt like crying and needed to see her.

We went to my car and got in, and I drove off, almost speeding in the shopping centre car park. I drove out to the road where her apartment is but on the opposite side. I thought she'd suggest getting out there and I wouldn't have objected, but she didn't say anything, so I turned into another road to do a u-turn to get onto her side of the road.

She said something about taking care and I just looked at her and gave her a weak smile without saying anything. Almost as soon as she got out, I did a u-turn and drove off.

I went to see Angel. She said it had been a long time. As usual, she went out to get some coffee for us and then returned to the room. We chatted flirtingly and I just wanted to hug and hold her. I showed her Anipang 2 and showed her how I had beat her score on one of the stages, and said she lied about having finished the game. She said she had finished it on her other phone and got playfully angry.

We held each other for a bit, just talking shit. I wasn't really looking for sex, but she seemed to be. She started taking my clothes off, and then we got into the shower. We had sex, but I couldn't come. I said I was tired, and god bless her, she tried so damn hard as she got on top of me, but in the end I just couldn't.

We talked a bit more. I playfully said stuff about being her boyfriend, but I think she thinks I was serious. She said she has hard rules and said something about everybody looking at me if we went out together. Towards the end, she looked at me with really sad and serious eyes. It looked like she was about to say something but didn't. I wonder what she was thinking.

She bit me hard on the bum, saying it was her mark on me.

The guy who was working the desk must've forgotten the time, because we stayed for like 90 minutes and he never buzzed. In the end we showered and got dressed and I left.