Speed dating

For some reason today felt like a Friday.

I got to work at 8:15am, but went out again to the supermarket to get that microwavable rice that Therese has. Also got some corn kernels with it.

Today was a little bit stressful, in that it was the last day of the month so everyone's trying to finalise their files. I spent my day correcting mine and doing one that Wendy gave me which had previously belonged to Ruler. For once I didn't mind, because it had been 99% done and because I did the last 1% then it counts under my name. I wonder if it was because Wendy felt sorry for me after seeing my completed files (which probably wasn't as updated as it should've been).

I went for a vaccination at 11am. It didn't hurt as much as I'd thought.

I noticed that Katie logged out for lunch at noon, but her friend was still in. I walked past her office and Yoshi wasn't there, so I just assumed both had gone but that Yoshi had forgotten to change her status. And then I later saw that Yoshi had left for lunch at 12:30.

By that time I was waiting for Wendy to come back from wherever she was, and I was waiting on Alanna to check a letter, so I had nothing else to do so I went to the gym. I wore my long black socks today because I thought it was going to rain, so figured I'd have to run in the rain.

I changed into my white jersey and yellow shorts. I tried to time it again so that Yoshi and Katie would see me in my office while tying my shoelace, but when I finished that I didn't want to hang around in my sports gear so I left.

Then BANG! As I was approaching the lifts, they came out of it. I instinctively looked at Katie and we both smiled at eachother.

Finally, she's now seen me in my gym gear!

I wonder what she thought.

I ran to the gym and did my stuff. I tried to bench 20kgs today but only did 6 reps, so lowered it down to 16.5kgs. I felt weaker than normal.

I walked back to my office because I was too lazy to run. When I got back I went into my room to change my status and then went to the change room, but there was someone inside. At first I went back to my room, then decided to wait in the kitchen, but after waiting so long that Alanna and Louise saw me in my gym gear which was embarassing, I went back to my room. I just hope that all this walking back and forth Katie's room wouldn't be seen by her as an attempt on my behalf to show off.

I felt more comfortable when I was back in my work clothes, and worked pretty hard until 4:30ish.

At around 3ish I was printing stuff out to complete a matter. When I went into the photocopier room Katie was there with a jammed machine.

Yes! Great opportunity!

She said it was jammed and was inspecting it, then I took over. I saw the jammed piece of paper but made it go more in. I was trying to remember how to lift up a particular area when Heath came in and fixed it. Grrrrr. Bloody Heath. At least I got to pull out the last pieces of paper.

There was also another time earlier in the day when I went to get a print out and Heath and Katie were in there. Heath asked if a document was mine and I said yes, and that I had told the person I wouldn't check their statements. Heath asked me how they responded as I walked out, and as I answered, I saw that Katie, who had her back turned to us, turn around and watch me for a response, as if I was about to say something funny. But I just gave a plain normal answer.

At the end of the day, I was facing the corridors reading my brief. I could see that Katie and Yoshi were walking back and forth, presumably to put away their completed files. But then even later on, I saw that Katie had logged out but Yoshi was still in, so I figured she must've left. But then I saw Katie lingering around with her handbag, as if looking for Yoshi. I saw Katie walk past my room from left to right and never saw her again, so figured she left via the automatic doors, but she usually uses the door to my left where I can't see her exit. Wonder if it was her way of trying to get my attention. Also noticed that when I had returned from the gym and was putting my tie on in my room, she was standing outside her room talking to Yoshi - clearly she would've known she was in my view.

And around lunch, when I was talking to Therese and Grace about the rice, I saw Yoshi walking towards our direction with Katie. It looked like they were just having a walk around the office. But as soon as Yoshi saw that I was there, I saw (definitely saw) her body language change, as if to let Katie know that I was around. God, does my presence really affect her that much?? The thought of telling her that I could resign if she wanted me to had crossed my mind.

Oh, and also at another earlier point, I was walking quite rapidly from the photocopier back to my room and nearly ran into Katie. We managed to miss eachother, and just as we passed eachother she looked up and we made eye contact. I managed a weak "sorry" and walked by.

I stayed at work till about 6:30pm, then left for the speed dating thing. I walked into the hotel and saw a sign directing the speed daters to upstairs, so I went, only to find myself in a big empty room with a few people chatting who obviously weren't there for the event because of the way they dressed.

I saw a guy come out from the corner on the other side, so I went to check it out and turns out there was another room there and that's where the people were. I was given a tick card and a name sticker, and a couple of drink coupons, so I went downstairs to get a coke.

When I went back up I started talking to this Pakistani guy, who wasn't very talkative. This other guy with the same name as me joined us and was very talkative, which I liked.

We soon began and it was ok. The first girl went well, but it was more like we'd make good friends more than anything. The second was a Canadian lady, and although we had a lot to talk about since we both followed the NBA, I felt she was probably a bit too mature for me, and she probably felt the same way.

The third was a blonde who showed me a modelling picture of herself in the newspaper. Totally different. Fark. She was ok, seemed a bit out of it like a druggy though. The fourth was a bit of a larger lady, don't know what was up with her eye, it was like she never blinked and only focussed on looking at me left eye.

The fifth was a Chinese girl whose English wasn't all there, but we got along fairly well. She was a receptionist at a Chinese herbal medicine place but looking for an accounting job. If it had to be one, I'd say I got a yes from her.

The sixth was a girl from HK, and although we got along pretty well, I think we probably both thought we'd be better off as friends. She lives near me as well, so that's kinda embarassing.

Then it was halftime, and I went to the bathroom then spent most of the time listening to a boring conversation between some this arrogant Asian guy and the nice guy I had spoken to earlier.

After that it was back to it, so my seventh girl was a girl from Ireland. She was probably the prettiest girl there, but I doubt she'd tick me a yes. We're probably very different socially.

The eigth was a lady who I think was from Europe. We talked fairly well, but she wasn't really my type.

The ninth was a lawyer in construction who knows Adam, so that's a bit embarassing. She's definitely not guy-shy, because she was the only girl who remained upstairs at halftime and was talking to all the guys surrounding her. It'd be interesting to see if she ticks me a yes, but I don't think I was interesting enough. To be honest, I was pretty fucking tired.

The last girl reminded me of CLE. She was half Dutch. She had really nice eyes. I actually could picture myself with her, which made me nervous, and hence, boring. Geez I hope she ticks me a yes.

Another door closed...

Had no appetite again this morning. In fact, I found myself rolling around in bed way before the alarm went off.

I ended up driving to Macca's to get some breakfast. I didn't feel like toast or oats. I didn't even feel like Macca's, but thought it was the least likely food I'd throw back up.

I got into the office just before 8am, did some last minute prep and then went off to court. My matter really wasn't going to start till after 11:30am, but I got there at 10am anyway just because I like to know what's happening. Lucky I did too, cause the matter was mentioned and I had to let the court know what was happening.

After around 11:30 the other sol shows up, tells me this completely weird thing that he's going to rely on, and then tries to talk to me to keep me from looking it up. After a while I excused myself to make a call, but really went to look things up. I looked it up and knew he was wrong, but called Alanna to confirm anyway. I didn't have her direct number so found myself calling someone else and being re-directed to her. I felt like James Bond in that scene where he asks to be put through to M, hehe.

When our matter started, he ended up being wrong, which was good. We both spent quite a bit of time making subs and answering questions from the bench. The judge wanted to decide over lunch, so during lunch I went to eat Macca's and also decided to do a bit of shopping. I bought a pack of lychee pudding things to share with the people back at the office. Ok, so the truth is, I had Katie in mind. I just wanted to 'make peace' again, and stop this hostile environment.

But also, you know what I realised? People break up. I saw that Asa on fb had broken up. And he looks like a pretty nice guy. His girl was very pretty. They looked like a good match, and they broke up. Lara Bingle and Michael Clarke broke up. Fuck, anything can happen. And, like Shuing says, I'll be there when the ball drops.

When we went back to court, found out that I had lost. Faaark. I wonder if my boss will think anything of this.

I caught the train back and by then it was like 4pm. I handed around the puddings to most people. I was hoping Yoshi would be in Katie's room because I knew Katie would have her defences up if she was by herself. And also I wanted to give the impression that I wasn't trying to hit on her anymore.

Luckily, she was in Katie's room. I knocked on the door and offered them the pudding. I felt a warmer response from Yoshi than from Katie, but neither reached out, so I just took them out and gave it to them. I left straight away. I was hoping Katie would ask me about court, but she didn't. I guess that's a sign.

I went and had a long talk to Alanna about court and also about other matters that she had marked. I didn't really get any work done, and they were upgrading the computers so we all had to shut down by 5pm.

I met with Ele at 6pm outside her work. I bought her a chocolate easter bunny. My plan was to secretly wait outside, then message her saying I wasn't going to make it, see her reaction, and then surprise her. But to my disappointment, after she came out she went back inside. When I walked across I saw her talking on the phone in the lobby.

She saw me and came out. Apparently she was talking to Michael L, and invited him to dinner. Grrrr. I guess that was a sign too. I kept secretly hoping that he wouldn't come, but he did.

On our way there, Ele also said she had invited a girl who was a big fan of mine.

Great.

We met up with Michael L, and then the girl showed up. Her name was Jessica. She looked really young. And small.

We went downstairs near where I work to that Shanghainese place for dinner. We waited for a while for a table.

During dinner Ele said she was getting married. I thought she was joking. I looked at Michael L and he nodded, saying she was serious.

Fuck...shit...

I stayed silent for a long time after that. So silent that everyone realised and asked why I was being quiet. Apparently her boyfriend had quit his job and was coming back here.

I got the feeling that Ele had tried to set me up with Jessica. But I wasn't attracted to her. What made it worse was that she got my business card and mobile number.

When we finished dinner, Jessica said she needed to do a bit of shopping. Michael L left, but Ele and I waited outside the supermarket. I asked her if she was trying to set me up, and she said she wasn't, and laughed, but I knew she was. I told her I wasn't interested and didn't want to give anyone false hope.

I also told her briefly about Katie. She said a guy at her work asked her out to lunch almost everyday, and although she got the hint, she never mentioned her boyfriend, because she was afraid of being wrong about her suspicions. She said, however, that she just flat out rejected his invitations. So I thought, at least Katie re-scheduled?

Then Jesssica finished her shopping and re-joined us, which put a halt to our conversation.

I had to catch the bus back with Jessica because she lives near the uni near me. Bloody hell. I kept making small talk, and wondered whether Katie had done the same to me.

It couldn't be...we had laughs, she kept my lolly, and she had that special type of nervousness about her...

If Jessica gave me a lolly, I sure as hell wouldn't keep it in my draw at work. I wouldn't keep it at all. I'd either eat it or chuck it.

Growing up a little bit...

"But how the fuck you supposed to grow up when you weren't raised?"
-- Criminal, Eminem

I might not know it, but I grew up a little bit today.

I got to work just before 8am, saw Tim waiting for entry as he didn't have the new code. We talked a bit because he mentioned some of the 'changes' he had heard about, and I reassured him that he'd get something. It may have been a backhanded slap, but I added that I didn't see the difference between him and Katie/Yoshi.

Yoshi was on leave today, so it was just Katie. I wondered if she felt lonely. Because, really, that's how most of us feel.

To me, the air was ice cold. The silent tension between us was almost unbearable. But because I wasn't expecting anything, it didn't affect me as much as I'd thought.

I saw that she went to lunch at about 12:40, and I quickly typed up a letter before changing into my gym gear. I secretly hoped that she'd see me in my gym gear, but I couldn't time it right, so I just left and ran to the gym, bumping into several people on the way.

I wasn't as angry as I wanted to be at the gym, and my arms were pretty damn tired, but I still managed to do my stuff.

When I returned to work, I bumped into Wendy at the lifts and I saw her look at my arms, it was so emabrassing. She asked if I had gone for a jog or for soccer, I just said I went to the gym.

I changed back into work attire and ate my instant noodles and apple with my door closed. When I went to chuck my stuff in the bin, I could sense Therese approaching. I kinda wanted to pretend I didn't see her and walk out, but when I turned around she was in my way and smiled and asked if she scared me.

We talked a bit. I'm always very intrigued about the lunches she makes. I asked her how she made the rice she had today and she told me. I said I was going to try and make it, and I meant it, because it looked pretty good.

It should be noted that throughout the entire day, Katie had her door half closed (or half opened). Usually she has it fully open. I took it to mean that she didn't want me to approach, but she didn't want to seem blatantly rude either by shutting her door completely.

I don't know what would make her think I'd approach, since I didn't on Thursday or Friday. Who knows how girls think. It made me realise how big of a difference there is between the way men and women think.

But late in the afternoon, I had this paranoid theory, thinking back to when Bobby sent that message to Tracy implying that he liked Ele. Tracy said something like "the door is open but I'm not sure if you'll fit".

I somehow connected that to this: maybe it was Katie saying that the door for me was still open?

I shook it off as being pure paranoia.

When the cleaner was around, I noticed that Katie's door was shut even more. Presumably the cleaner had done it after cleaning her room. It was like that for a while, and then it returned to the same position before - half open/half shut.

So she's doing that strategically and intentionally?

That gave a bit more weight to my theory.

Anyway, I managed to avoid her for the entire day which was pretty good I thought. But then at the end of the day, maybe around 5:30, as I came out of the photocopying room, she was headed for it. We crossed paths and I looked at her, with a red jacket on, rubbing her hands and looking down as she passed my room. She looked like she was sick. She was either sick, or terribly nervous about bumping into me.

I looked at her as we walked by eachother, readying myself to smile and say hi. Just after we passed eachother, she probably realised I was waiting for a response and then sort of looked back, but it was too late as I had already passed.

I went back to my room, thinking it was kinda like that Brad Pitt/Claire Forlani scene in Meet Joe Black where they keep missing eachother's looks on the street. I thought it'd be good to leave it at that. Maybe a bit of awkwardness was good.

But then stupid me, when I went to the toilet later on, thought it'd be a good idea to 'make peace'. When I came out of the toilet, I stopped briefly at her door and said "don't work too late". She let out a little sigh/chuckle and said "no", the same response I'd give if Wendy or my boss had done the same thing. It was just politeness I guess. I didn't want to read too much into it. But her body language said it all. She attempted to turn around but never fully did. If Wendy or my boss said it, I would've turned around to look at them.

She stayed about 10 more minutes getting print outs before leaving. I felt a bit lonely and very sad when she did. I guess I was hoping she'd come by and say bye, but why would she when she hasn't done that even from the beginning?

I was distracted for a while before focusing on my work for a bit longer and then packing my stuff for tomorrow.

Something has definitely happened. If she didn't know I liked her before, she definitely knows now. Our 'interaction' was so awkward. I do, however, feel that I became the bigger person by at least showing that I was still willing to be friendly.

Maybe I grew up a little bit at that moment. But at the same time, I wondered if I had ruined it. Today was my chance to show that she could be left alone when her friend wasn't around. But I ruined it at the end.

On the bus home, I texted Ele.

"You'll probably say no, but are you free for dinner tomorrow night?"

She replied almost immediately.

"if its my treat, then the answer is yes. How's that :)"

I sent a message back.

"We can argue about that later, let me know what time you finish tomorrow and we can meet in the city"

At this point it's probably best to tell of a message she sent to me on 14 March 2010. I didn't care about her at all at that time that I never even blogged about it.

"you must not happy with me, I am very sorry for last friday. my boss require me stand by until the business is done, and I am there, I have no choice. I can't leave a unfinished business and just walk away. you or other people may ok to leave the job for next day, but I have really tie deadline and I assume until now you will not understand why do I message u saying I can then can't then can make it again. I have got up to ten deals per day, millions are transacted, I am a market maker and need to monitor the whole process and check. I can't make any tiny mistake, coz its about huge amount. There are time difference between australian and counter party banks location so my working hours is longer than normal people sometimes. I don't mean to make you feel stupid I am very sorry. I hope you are not angry at me, but if u still do, talk to me when you are comfortable. I am still your friend."

Yes, that's a long message.

Skipping Shuing's poker for...

This morning I went to the courts and did my HIT sprints around the court, three sets. I just shot around after that. It was soooo peaceful, and beautiful to see the fog hovering just above the grass.

I finished up and sat around drinking my Gatorade, just thinking. After that I went home then headed to the gym. Then I went home to change, and went to the office. I did an hour's work then went to the casino. I won $190 on like three spins and left. Probably the quickest ever.

I went whoring after, even though while I was at work, Shuing called and said he poker tournament was at 1pm. I planned to go whoring and be a bit late. I wanted to see what that Q place was like. I went and they only had two girls available, none of which were too attractive. I left and went to that really high class place and saw a few girls, but none were really $350 worthy.

I left and decided to go to that place that John took us to the first time. I saw a line up of three girls, and one had really big eyes and nice hair. Her name was Cindy and I chose her for an hour. When she came into the room, she had two drinks with her and gave me one. I'm not sure if this was voluntary, or if it was part of the service when you book for an hour (can't remember getting anything when going for 30 mins). But I liked it, as it made it a bit friendlier.

I actually asked her to sit down with me in the beginning, and I felt like we were two high school students nervous about what was about to happen.

We finished our thing within like 30 minutes and laid on the bed talking for the rest of the time, which I kinda enjoyed. Her English was pretty bad, but it was fun just to laugh sometimes. She asked me if I wanted to have sex again. Most guys would've said yes, but I declined. I seemed to prefer talking. She said she was going back to Korea in June to get breast implants, which I thought was sad. I wished she didn't.

The whole time I'd look at her and admire how pretty she was and how she played with her hair. It took my mind off Katie. It told me that there were other women out there, and it helped. Believe me, it did. Women are women, they're all the same.

When I left I took my drink with me. Even after I finished it I kept it in my car. Maybe I did it because I liked her. But then it struck me - I remember when Emily/Jenny gave me that little piece of cake, I kept the wrapper for a period of time because I was so infatuated with her. That's the only basis I have for saying that Katie kept my lolly for the same reason.

I drove straight to the poker thing which was near my home, but when I arrived I saw Malay and Shuing standing outside. They had finished. Shuing had been knocked out.

We went to a fast food place nearby and had lunch, and talked about the tournament, and the upcoming plan to go to the beach.

After that we split. I went home and had a nap. Before that, I was feeling pretty good, in terms of Katie. But just earlier, I think I had panic attacks about her. This strong sense of jealousy and rage was aroused within me.

I need to control myself...

Brain's night out

On the way home on Thursday, and especially on the bus, I had so many angry thoughts. Even though I'd calmed down a bit between then and yesterday, it started heating up inside my mind today again.

All my past experiences with girls have felt like bashings. Each one was a knockout punch that floored me. I'd slowly pick myself up, and when I felt like I was ready to fight again, shortly after I raised my arms I'd get knocked down again. It hurt. I'd eventually get back up, this time taking a lot longer. Not long after I'm back up, I'm hit again, and down I go again.

Rhino was the first to hit me. That was when and how everything started. I'd begin walking home from school instead of catching the bus with my friends. I still remember Thai sensing something was wrong, asked me to catch the bus. But I declined. Instead, I'd walk. And think. Walk and think. Walk and think.

NTM was the second to hit me. That hurt more than the first. While down, I got angry. I began to hate women. I began to hate the world. But soon, that hatred would subside, replaced by hope. That hope would then be crushed by Ele, time and time again.

I told myself she could fuck off. I thought I'd finally start to gain some ground with Katie, but it was like someone had hit me from the back. I never saw it coming. I was lured into a ring with two opponents, thinking there was only one.

I feel like crying, begging, pleading for whoever it is to stop punching me. I can't get up no more. I really can't. Please stop.

-----------------------------------------------

Yesterday morning I went to the courts. I did my full court lay ups and jump rope. I then went home, had breakfast, and then went into the office. I noticed Katie left 7 minutes after me on Friday. I went into Katie's room again. But I think it helped. I started seeing her as just another normal person, not especially worthy of my attention.

I got some work done before grabbing a sushi roll for lunch. I was hungry, but didn't feel like eating. I haven't had an appetite for the last few days. But I knew if I didn't eat then I'd start bloating.

I went home, got changed, went to the factory outlet near Shuing's place and bought a white jersey. It's the same as the black one I got there last time but white. I went home and washed my car, then picked Malay up to meet with G for a movie. We went to the shopping centre near us. I had something in my eye which I couldn't get out, so I said I didn't feel like watching a movie. I actually didn't feel like a movie anyway. We had lunch, then checked out JB Hi-Fi, and then G and I went to Myer because I wanted to buy a shirt.

I was prepared to spend $70 for a shirt, but G found one which had $40 on it and I went to get one my size. When I went to the counter it was actually $20!! Wow.

I finally gave in about the movie (my eye got better anyway) and we went to check the times. One had just started, and everything else was like an hour later, so we decided to go watch Shuing play soccer instead, hehe.

I drove us there and we waited around for Shuing. Shortly after he arrived, this guy Ken came up and spoke to him. I recognised him from YA, but not sure if he recognised me. Apparently Shuing knew him. I watched as they talked. I admired his laugh, and his demeanour. He seems like a generous person. I bet he'd never get himself into a situation like mine. I wonder what he'd do if he found out the girl he was chatting up had a girlfriend...

G and I played the juggling game again while Malay sat on the grass and played on his phone. I got nine this time, hehe. Then we all sat down and talked and watched the game. We left a while later to go to dinner with Thai and Brain. Brain wanted to see the pick-up atmosphere apparently.

I drove G to Malay's house so he could change as the shirt he was wearing had holes in it. I took my car back home then walked back to Malay's bus stop to meet them. We caught the bus to the city where we met with Brain and Thai. We had a joke about the inadvertent message I had sent to Shuing.

We went to a Korean restaurant, and talked about picking up. Brain seemed fascinated. Thai looked like he was a man amongst children.

After dinner we went to the bar opposite my office. We sat around on a large lounge in the smoking area and chatted. After a while, two female friends of Thai came along and started talking. They talked to Thai mainly, and G a bit. The rest of us kept to ourselves. They left soon after. I kept a look out for groups of girls that didn't have guys within them so I could dare someone to approach. When there was one, I dared G and Brain, but they wouldn't budge. I was frustrated with Brain, after all, it was his idea to come out.

Everyone except Thai left at just before midnight, and we caught the bus back to my house where I drove them home. After dropping G home, I street raced some dude in a jeep with Malay in the car. It got my adrenaline pumping.

Katie ban Day 2

I didn't have much of an appetite again, but forced myself to get some breakfast from Macca's. I took it back to the office to eat and then started finishing off my brief from yesterday.

At one stage I printed out an email and when I went to the photocpying room I saw Katie using the photocopier. I paused for a micro-second. She looked up and gave me a big smile and hi. I smiled and said hi back. I'm beginning to think I'm paranoid, but I swear the look in her eyes was more than normal.

I quickly grabbed my print out and left.

At 10am we had a meeting. I deliberately went to pick up Karina because I didn't want to go alone. Heath looked like he was coming with us but then sped off himself. When we got to level 8, Karina and I walked into the training room together, and the first thing I saw was Katie sitting at the back and looking at me with what I'd usually call a boastful smile, but I'd seen it before during the trial, so it seems like a smile of interest.

I ignored it and sat down next to Karina.

During the whole meeting I managed to keep a stoic look on my face as the boss rained down on our client agency. I sat opposite Heath and Amy, so really only had them to look at. I half expected Heath to make eye contact with me and share a silent chuckle but it never happened. Everytime I look at Amy I can't help but notice how royal she looks.

After the meeting I walked back up the stairs with Karina and Dugon, and made a funny joke on the way, hehe.

Shuing and I emailed back and forth as usual, but today he got a bit aggro when he thought I was labelling him a casino gambler. Weird.

I had plans to go to the gym today, and wanted to wait till Katie and Yoshi went to lunch first. Since 'the end' of our thing, I haven't really felt a need to avoid her when wearing my gym clothes; in fact, I kinda want her to see it, to show her what she missed out on, but I guess just out of nature I wanted to avoid it.

They went to lunch at around 12:30ish, but I decided to wait till 1pm to go anyway. Unfortunately they came back at 12:50. I went to the change room and Yoshi saw me walk past wearing my work clothes without a tie and my gym bag.

I got changed and then went to the lifts, only to bump into Linda and Lisa. It was a bit awkward for me, but they seemed cool with it.

I ran to the gym like last time and quickly did my weights. My arms are so tired because this was the second day in a row that I did curls. Fark.

I ran back to the office and got changed. I broke my shoelace when putting my work shoes back on. I think I pull them too tight, lol. Basketball habit.

I worked hard for a bit but then got restless and went around talking to Karina and Turk. I even started to organise a lunch for all of us newbies.

I noticed Yoshi left work at 4pm, going on leave so not back till Tuesday. Katie stayed back, but I left work at like 5:10pm. Wonder if she felt 'left behind', like how I usually would when I kept an eye on her departure time.

I went home, got changed, then met up with Malay to check out the damage on his car. It wasn't that bad, but still pretty bad for someone who loves their car.

We went for dinner at Bondy, had Mexican food. The waitress was kinda hot, and it made me think about how there were so many girls out there better than Katie. I told him about her, and he thought she was being evasive by not telling me about her boyfriend, but also that I was thinking too much when it came to the lolly thing. I'm still pretty adamant about that.

I drove him back home, and then I drove back to Bondy beach where I rested in my car for a bit before going home. I thought about casino/whoring, but then told myself I needed to get up early tomorrow for exercise.

She kept my lolly...

Today was seriously one of the hardest days to work. My mind was split, it was like one half was fighting the other.

I got to work just before 8am, and her friend was already in, but I didn't talk to her. After filling up my water bottle and going to the toilet, I went straight to work. I did a pretty good job of not checking for when she would sign in, I had enough to keep my mind busy.

At 10am we had a meeting with the deputy director. I emailed Karina and asked if she wanted to go together, and she came and collected me and then we went around getting everyone else. The only person who wasn't there was Dugon, cause she was in court.

As we sat around the big tables, I watched as the last person slotted into the last seat. It made me feel like a part of a specialist team where each of us had special powers. I could hear the commentary "and the last piece is in place".

The meeting went ok, probably longer than I had thought. I was hoping he'd say something about our future here, but he didn't. After it finished, Karina, Zena and I hung around a bit and chatted.

When we went back up to our offices, I did more work and waited for Katie and Yoshi to go to lunch so I could eat my instant noodles in peace. They went at around 1pm, and I immediately went to fill my instant noodles up with hot water. I ate it in my room, and then ate my apple while standing and watching the view.

After I finished, I started on a new brief because I wanted to get one more done for the end of the month. I actually got through it pretty quickly, despite the obvious distraction. What was more amazing was that we managed not to cross paths throughout the entire day. I honestly didn't know how I'd react - anger, hostility, friendly?

In the afternoon I went out to do a bit of shopping, buying more instant noodles for the office. There were chocolate bars on sale so I decided to buy one for me and one for Heath. When I went back I gave it to Heath, and he was very thankful, but I bet you he thought it was weird, lol.

A while later he walked across my office with Turk, and said something out loud about me giving him chocolate. I wonder if Katie heard it, and if so, I wonder if she pondered as to why I didn't give her anything.

I noticed that Yoshi left just after 5pm and was expecting Katie to follow. But she didn't. She actually stayed 20 minutes after Yoshi left. Given that for like the last two weeks at least that they've been leaving together, do you think this is a coincidence? Or was she wanting to see if I'd approach?

It didn't matter, because I wasn't going to.

I worked till 7pm, and I must say, I nearly finished the brief in that half day. Wendy and Karina came to say bye, so I was all alone in the office.

I know it's bad, but I went into Katie's room. Curiousity got the better of me and I opend one of her drawers, and I noticed that she had in there the very first lolly I gave to her.

She kept my lolly...

I didn't really know how to feel, or what they meant. But it had helped me decide on what to do if we crossed paths: I'd just give her a weak smile and mosie on.

I went home and on the bus, I was about to explode in tears. I went to the gym. I worked out pretty hard. I was very angry, I felt like punching things, but used that energy towards my reps. After that I went to the seaside near the casino. I wanted to cry but couldn't.

My two old friends

I found myself awake at 1am today. I went to the bathroom, rolled around in bed for a bit, then fell back asleep.

I woke up at 5:50am with my alarm. My ideal life is to go jogging at 6am every weekday before I go to work. I'd actually never done that since coming back to Sydney, even though it was my plan all along.

But I did it today. It was cold, so I grabbed my pair of long black socks to wear. It felt like I was reaching out for two old friends. I was so eager to put them on, it was unbelievable. I missed them. They are one of the few things in life that are good to me.

"Ummm...I live with my boyfriend"

"Nobody asked for life to deal us
With these bullshit hands we're dealt
We gotta take these cards ourselves
And flip 'em, don't expect no help"
-- Beautiful, Eminem

Hi.

Today started off pretty normal. I got to work a bit late, almost 9am. As I walked past the cafe at the bottom I saw Katie and her friend waiting for coffee. It's earlier than her usual time, but I guess it was because she was going to that CLE thing that started at 9 or 9:30.

After I got into my office, I soon heard Rat talking, I guessed she was talking to Yoshi. When I went to the bathroom I saw that Rat was talking to both Yoshi and Katie just outside the mens room. As I headed to the door Katie looked and smiled at me.

Halfway through the morning I got a message from Stanley asking me to lunch. I had plans with Shuing but he called in sick. I thought about rejecting it as I felt like being alone, but accepted it anyway.

I noticed Katie had returned from the CLE thing, and as I had just finished a brief, I took a funny document to show her. We laughed about it because it showed some guy who threw paper at a customer service officer, and she pretended to be the person throwing the paper in court, lol. I realised that she was getting more comfortable around me and being more animated.

I met up with Stanley at about 12:45 and he had this idea to pick a place on a street nearby, and we ended up in a bloody vegetarian restaurant. Far out. I didn't mind his company, but I got a bit annoyed at the bit where he started talking about how he hangs out with this criminal guy who is like his boss in his side job. He talked about it like it was cool, whereas I was just thinking "I don't want nothing to do with it".

He shouted lunch because it was a small amount and we both had $20 notes.

I was kinda glad to part with him and go back to work. I worked slowly in prepping my hearing. At one point Heath walked past and made a joke, and then I heard him walk into Katie's room and started making her laugh. It did put me down a bit, because I guess I wanted to feel like only I could make her laugh that much.

Some time later, Heath came around again and asked if I saw the good news, and when I said no, he told me to check my email. I checked it and it was a page long email from the boss, and I went out to ask him about it because I couldn't be bothered reading it. He was in Katie's room, and Yoshi was in there next to her on her knees, helping her out with work.

I jokingly asked Heath if he could summarise it in one sentence, and he did it in animation, which caused all of us to laugh. I then walked off to do some work.

Even more later, I began thinking about going to Katie for a chat. I walked past her office and saw that she wasn't around. Neither was Yoshi. I ended up eating my apple around Therese and having a talk to her.

Later on I saw Katie was back in her office, and I pondered back and forth about going to talk to her. I just thought maybe she needed time to do her work as she seemed to have been pretty busy running around and having people in her office all day. I also wanted to maintain a bit of mystery and sense of unavailability.

But I ended up going anyway, at about 4:40pm. I didn't knock this time, as I thought everytime I knock it seems too formal and like I'm scared to approach.

"It's nearly knock off time" I said as I approached. She said yeah and asked how I was going. I just said I was prepping for a hearing with a crappy brief, and then asked her what she was doing after work (it sounded like I was asking her out but I wasn't). She said not much and asked me what I was doing. I said I wasn't sure if she's noticed, but I usually work till about 7pm.

Then because of this working late topic, I took the opportunity to tell her about the scary time at my old firm about how the lift was haunted. She seemed pretty interested, and when I asked her if she had had any experience, she said she once had a dream that her friend was pregnant, and when she told her friend, her friend said she was.

We somehow got talking about cooking, and I asked her what she did for dinner if she didn't cook. She seemed kinda vague and just said she didn't usually eat much for dinner. She also said she didn't like cleaning, which led me to talk about how I was forced to clean up almost immediately in Lismore because of all the insects, so we got talking about insects.

I asked her what her room mate was like and she said "ummm...I live with my boyfriend".

If the experience of my heart breaking with NTM ever had a sequel, this was it.

Inside, I totally broke down. It was like pulling the power cord from the computer - immediate shutdown. No functioning. Just dead.

On the outside, I made some remark about geckos and spiders, then said "alright, I'll leave you to it".

I walked back to my room, telling myself to focus on work. But I couldn't. I messaged Shuing about it then turned my phone off.

I grabbed my stuff and walked out at 4:50pm.

I knew what I wanted to do - get my car and go for a drive. But I was so confused I walked the long way to the bus stop. I caught the bus home, went straight away to get my car and sped off to the sea side. I reached 100km in a 60 zone.

When I got there, I went to some rocks and sat down. The wind was blowing against me strongly and the waves were crashing loudly. I turned my phone on and Shuing sent a message saying we could meet up if I wanted. I messaged Ele and asked her if she was free for dinner. She messaged back asking if I was only free on weeknights, and suggested yum cha on Saturday as she had had only five hours sleep. I messaged back "never mind".

I sat there for a while, thinking. So many thoughts.

How should I react from now on?

Should I keep my door closed from now on? I don't want to hear her voice.

Was it obvious to her that I had left early because of her?

Why was she so vague? Was it because she wanted to keep her boyfriend away? Did that mean she was interested?

How will this affect both our jobs in the future? Will she end up leaving? Or will I end up leaving?

A million thoughts ran through my mind, but at snails pace. I was getting cold, but I didn't want to move. I just wanted to lie down.

I was depressed, but I told myself to quickly pick myself back up. I'm a machine, I have no emotions. You have briefs to assess, so do it. Eminem talks about hoes, and he's right. Eminem says not to fall, so you shouldn't.

After a long time, I messaged Shuing about dinner and headed back to my car. As I was listening to 'Beautiful', I thought the "We gotta take these cards ourselves
and flip 'em" line was very appropriate. She was a card, I flipped it, and turns out she had a boyfriend. Move on.

I just...I don't know what to do right now.

But I am clear on one thing: she misled me.

All that eye contact throughout the trial.
She said "room mate" when we talked in the beginning.
She was always vague about what she did on weekends.
She said she travelled to and from Newcastle on her own.
She could've easily mentioned him during lunch.

But in hindsight, it makes sense.

The 'never approaching me on her own' thing with that one time as an exception.
Not bringing over lollies she had, when that was a perfect excuse.
Inviting her friend to lunch.

She approached my office!

Got to work at about 8:30am today. At the lifts I bumped into Gosha. I almost didn't recognise her - she was dressed in sports wear and was sweating. She was also a lot shorter without her heels. We talked a bit about her court last time and the CLE thing before she got off at level 8.

I pretty much got started on my work early on, but noticed that people who get there early just seem to talk. I overheard Imad talking to Yoshi, and I could hear her laugh at whatever he was saying. I wondered if she was sucking up to him. I also wondered whether he thought she was flirting.

At one stage I walked out to get a print out, and in the corner of my eye saw a figure dressed darkly talking to Imad. I didn't hear as much laughter, but wondered if that was Katie. I then saw that she logged in at just after 9am, so I'm guessing that was her. My paranoia and insecurity started eating at me.

What if she had a thing for him? What if he had a thing for her?

But then my senses kicked in.

Dude, number one, he's married. Number two, he's older and bald. Number three, if there was anything, it would've happened last year when they were working closely together and when you weren't around. So chill.

That put me to peace.

Later on I saw that she had headed off to court for a list. I'm guessing to either watch or assist.

I kept working and at one point I was standing at the side of my desk trying to align a pile of paper for hole punching, when I heard a female voice say "hi [insert name here]". It was that familiar awkward kinda voice.

I looked at my doorway and saw Katie standing there, smiling. I said "hi..." and looked her up and down. She was dressed almost all in black with a jacket on. She was wearing make up. I knew she had been to court, and tried to fish it out of her. I said "you look formal today" and she said "you look like..." and then said something about me trying to neatly pile my papers together.

I thought "ah screw it" and asked her how court was. She said she went to watch Emma assist Carmelo, and we had a chat about that. I was still smiling and pretty much over the moon that she had finally approached me.

Did something happen yesterday that finally put her at ease with me? Did something happen yesterday that confirmed for her my interest? Or did something happen yesterday that put my in the 'friendzone'? Or maybe she was just excited about going to court and wanted to talk to someone about it?

After the chat she walked back to her room and later on I saw her talking to Yoshi.

As lunch approached, I wondered if they would invite me out at their own volition. Unlikely I suppose. I went to see Wendy about a matter and she came to my room and went through the file her way, and I was sooooo impressed! Not only could she remember this matter from yonks ago, but she flipped through and read the file in amazingly quick time. As she sat there talking to me, I wondered if Katie had seen that I was busy and maybe so decided not to ask me to lunch?

After the talk, I sent an email and noticed Katie and Yoshi had gone to lunch. I went to make my instant noodle, and ate it in my room watching the view. It was so yummy! It was good to have a change from my boring unsophisticated sandwiches. As I finished my noodles, I could hear Katie and Yoshi coming back from lunch. When I went to chuck it in the kitchen bin, I walked past them and they were talking while holding their lunch in hand.

After that, I went out to get something with the change from yesterday. I had in mind that cake thing, so I went to the bread shop and grabbed three different flavoured crepes: black forest, strawberry and green tea. I had a feeling Katie would take the green tea one.

When I returned to the office, I went into Katie's office and said "you have first pick" and opened the bag for her to choose from. She said thanks and seemed happy, and chose the green tea one. I thought about saying "I bought it with the money from yesterday, just so you don't spread rumours around that I was scamming beautiful women" but when it came to the crunch I couldn't bring myself to it. She was eating a tuna salad and I remarked how it was a healthy lunch, and she said "at least it's not Chinese food" (because I've always noted how she liked Chinese food). She's a bit of a smart alec.

She asked me where I got it from and I showed her the bag and said the shop name. In hindsight, I have a hunch that the last couple of times I have been in her room, she has tried to get me to stay by furthering conversation.

I went into Yoshi's room and said "you have second pick" and she was reluctant to pick at first, asking me which one I wanted, but I insisted and she finally took the strawberry one. I went back to my office and ate the black forest one. It was actually very yummy. Good choice.

Later on, I heard Alanna go into her room and ask "where'd you get that?" and she said "[insert name here] gave it to me".

Ah fuck.

As I resumed my work, I heard Katie say "thanks for the crepe" and turned around to see her and Yoshi at my door, eating it. I asked them if I could have a look inside of their one and they showed me. I said "don't eat too many though" and Katie asked why.

Don't say anything about fat.

Don't say anything about fat.

Don't say anything about fat.

"Because you'll get pimples" I said, and they laughed and walked away.

Bravo.

So that was the second time she had approached, and by now I had felt the effect of social dynamics - because she had approached, it felt like she was now doing the pursuing, which made futile any attempts on my behalf to pursue. The tension had shifted into her half of the field. And so, I didn't really feel to urge to have a chat with her.

I worked away for the rest of the day, with a brief break just before 4pm to go to the bank to make a deposit. I worked till about 7pm, and only Wendy was there when I left.

My mom asked me to get some pizza, and I confirmed with her that she wasn't going to cook tonight, so I went to get the pizza. When I came home with the pizza, she said she had started cooking. I got a bit annoyed and skipped her dinner and ate the pizza.

Lunch with Katie & friend

I think I'm going to call her friend Yoshi.

I got to work at 8:13am today, kinda woke up early thinking about this, even though I didn't get much sleep overall. When I got into the office, I turned my computer on and then went to the kitchen to fill my water bottle up. Yoshi was there making tea or something, she said she was using Katie's cup or something. We made brief chit chat and I mentioned a friend giving birth earlier in the week as we walked back to our offices. I noticed she went into Katie's.

I finished my stuff for the file Wendy gave me on Friday and then handed it in to Alanna for checking. I went to the bank to deposit my coins, and then went back to the office to resume work on my other file. As the clock reached 11am, I wondered whether I should email Katie to confirm lunch today. I went back and forth about it, and came so close I even drafted a short email, but I closed it several times instead of sending it.

Finally, I decided it'd be best if I just went to confirm in person. I was hoping she'd be with Yoshi so I could bring it up with both at the same time. If I confirmed it with her only, she might think I was insisting a one on one thing.

I went out of my office and walked past hers to look in and saw Yoshi standing there talking to her. I stood in the doorway and knocked, and Katie gestured to Yoshi that I was there. I asked "are we still up for today?" and Katie asked "for?"

I was a bit stunned. I thought about saying never mind or anything, but I said "lunch?", and she looked at Yoshi and Yoshi nodded enthusiastically at me, and Katie agreed. I asked what time and she said 12:30.

I returned to my desk with my confidence shattered. How could she forget? Or did she forget? Maybe she was just pretending? Trying not to appear desperate, wanting? Or maybe she hadn't told Yoshi about it? Come on, there's no way you'd forget something like that.

At close to 12:30, I went to the bathroom and noticed both Katie and her friend were away from their desks. I wondered what they were up to. Later on I went to check again and saw Katie standing in Yoshi's room. I entered and asked if they were ready, and they said yes, and they were just talking about Yoshi's sev appeal coming up. She told me a bit of the background info and then Katie and I started joking about it, although as Yoshi noted, it was kinda cruel.

I went back to my room to change my status and then we all headed out. I found myself walking in between them, and then Yoshi had to stop at the ATM in the shopping centre. Katie and I just talked while we waited, I asked her what she did on the weekend and she said not much, had a quiet one. I wonder if she's deliberately trying to be vague, or if she really didn't do much, or if she's trying to hint that she doesn't have a boyfriend. When talking about Bush though, she asked me what I thought were some strange questions, like if she was married. Did she think I might have something for Bush?

She also asked me about the difference between the State DDP and the Cth DDP.

After Yoshi got her money we headed to the Japanese restaurant (the one Katie had suggested last week, so surely she remembers??). The waiter asked if we wanted to sit at the bar or table. I didn't know there was such an option, and they chose table (thankfully).

Katie sat down first in the corner, and then Yoshi sat opposite her. I sat down next to Katie. On a deeper level, I think if they or Yoshi was hostile towards me liking Katie, she could've easily sat down next to Katie and given the situation an "us against you" feeling - but she didn't, she seemed to facilitate it.

I found out that Yoshi doesn't eat raw stuff, and Katie doesn't eat chicken or red meat. So I ended up choosing the tempura from the menu.

We had a good time (I thought), as we spent about an hour and a half there. Amongst the things we talked about were:

- Katie asking (again) about CW and Gretel
- Kate's baby
- Imad was their referee, but they didn't even get an interview
- Katie said to get an extension here you just have to be "conscious"
- names we gave to jurors during the trial
- Katie doesn't like to cook; Yoshi can bake very well
- Yoshi lives down south
- Katie's not good at running
- Tim's a blabber mouth
- they asked me what jail was like and I said "like high school" and Katie teased "I don't know what high school you went to"...see? She's got a sense of humour =)
- I said I was used to having a guy friend at work, and Katie and her friend said they could act more macho and be my friend, Katie said she could play sports with me at lunch and then Yoshi said she was going to suggest talking about sports but not play sports

Sometimes I'd watch as Katie spoke, and I've come to realise that there's this unusual awkwardness about the way she speaks. I wonder how she'll fair as an advocate. I think it's kinda cute though.

When we went to pay the bill, the total was like $50 somethinf and we each put in $20. They walked away when the change was given, and outside I offered the $10 note to them but they refused to take it. I felt bad. Why do I always end up in these situations? I said I'd buy some lollies and share it with them.

I think I ruined a good lunch right at the end with Yoshi, when we were talking about how there was a way for anyone to get up to our floor, and then I joked we'd see my client. Yoshi became defensive and said "no way" and I said "he's a nice guy", and she said "but not to us", and I guess she had a point. When we reached our offices, Yoshi thanked me for lunch, and I said I should be thanking her.

Later in the day, I decided to ask Katie how to do something on the computer, and when I was about to go into her room, Heath was walking by at the same time laughing with the cleaner, and Katie had turned and saw me there. Heath made a comment about me and I laughed it off as I went into Katie's room to ask her.

After that we all cake for Erin's going away for her wedding. I deliberately avoided Katie and Yoshi, because I was really starting to feel that I was spending too much time with her. There is such a thing as spending too much time with a person. I went to talk to Alanna and then Genie and Karina.

I noticed Katie and Yoshi left work at 5pm. I've come to accept that she'll probably rarely stay back after Yoshi, and that they leave together not because she wants to avoid me, but maybe because she has things (ala me) to talk about with Yoshi.

I finished work at close to 7pm, then went home for a mile jog. I found it a bit harder than usual. I then went to the gym and then had a mini-shopping session afterwards just so I could get the fuel docket.

Bush's baby boy

Yesterday morning I went to the courts and did my jump rope, then went into work to get some stuff done. More specifically, I was doing that file that Wendy gave to me on Friday which seems to be somewhat urgent. Again, it was someone's file given to me because they were going on leave.

To my surprise I got a lot of it done. I went to lunch at about 1pm at that Pepper place, then returned to do a bit more, until I got a phone call from Shuing asking if we wanted to work on his car a bit. Malay had talked about it the previous night, but Shuing seemed kinda vague on it so I didn't really press it.

But I said I could go, and called Malay and he said he'd pick me up. I finished up and had a look at Katie's room a bit. She seems like a messy person. When I ask myself why do I like her, I actually find it a little hard to explain, if I'm forced to give an answer that goes beyond looks. Maybe I'm just excited that someone good looking is interested in me? But then again, I kinda like the way she tentatively talks sometimes, the way she can be shy but then laugh genuinely. She also has amazing eyes.

Anyway, I waited across the street for Malay and he picked me up and we went to my place so I could get changed. In the meantime he went to Thai's place, but my mom wanted me to get some bread and ginger so I told him to meet me at Shuing's while I went to get it. I drove to get the bread and ginger, dropped it home and then went to Shuing's.

G and Shuing came out with a bucket and the usual tools. We started washing his car and then Malay arrived. After washing his car, we decided to test out the spray can of paint he got last time. We tested it on a small area first, and it seemed to work pretty well, and so we ended up doing the whole front bumper plus some of the sides. I couldn't believe it. It was like he got a new bumper, wow.

After that Shuing invited to his usual Saturday soccer, and so we drove to the field that he normally plays on. After a bit of talk, Malay left because he was meeting some friends in the city. G and I kicked the ball around while the game went on. Shuing urged us to play, and while I was tempted, I could really picture myself hurting my knee and ending my basketball comeback on a soccer field, so I persisted in my refusal.

G and I played a 'game' to see who could be the first to juggle the ball five times. We both got pretty close a lot, but I ended up doing it first, hehe. We spent the remainder of the time watching the game. I didn't like one of the guys on Shuing's team who didn't play any defence at all but kept calling for the ball, and then later on left the game because of a soft injury. What a wuss.

G and I left before the game finished, because our legs got tired, lol. I drove him home and then went home myself. I went to rent a movie and got Horsemen of the Apocalypse, watched it at home and thought it was ok. It seemed more like a B class movie that tried to get that chick's career going, but too bad she can't speak English. I heard she's quite arrogant too.

Before I went to sleep, a crazy thought occurred to me: what if I had done something to Katie's room which indicated someone had been in there? I mean, her friend would get to work before me and see that I went in on the weekend. Put that together with her things being touched, and you have a pretty good case. I decided to pay the office a visit the next day.

So today I went to the courts and shot around a bit. I did two sets of intensive running around the court. I then drove to the office and made sure that nothing in Katie's room had been touched. It hadn't. I left and went to fill my car up with petrol.

I also went to the casino, and felt a bit guilty doing it because I knew I was visiting Bush in the hospital today. Nevertheless, the allure of reducing my debt was too much. I went in and lost the first spin, but won on the second and after a few more spins I left with a $130 gain.

I drove to Parra, and because of the casino visit, I was late. My plan had been to do everything I had done PLUS visit the medical centre for a blood test, but I didn't have time for that. I met up with Kylie and Shady at the Suzuki car dealership, and immediately went for a test drive in a brand new mini 4WD with Kylie at the wheel. She was sooooo excited!

I wondered how she could afford this as she was going to be out of a job soon, but then she soon told me that there was no way she could afford this and had no intention of buying it brand new, but just wanted to see what it was like to drive to help her decide in buying a second hand one.

Shady and I checked out other cars, and we were both madly in love with the Mitsubishi Lancer Evolution. It is sooooooo masculine! I loved the seats, far out. But at $74,000, I don't think I'll ever be able to see myself in one.

After that we went to the shopping centre to get some lunch (I had Indian food again, I seem to have this craving for it). We talked about what present to get for Bush and also a bit about our jobs.

We ended up getting Bush this gift pack from a glamour photo place, which I thought was a really good idea. We had a bit of a walk around after that, before I drove us to the hospital.

Surprisingly we found a car space right outside the hospital, which was good cause I was about to drive into the private car park. We made our way through the hospital and found Bush's room. Her brother was in there with her, and she had the baby on the bed as she was cleaning it. The baby was soooo adorable! He had a lot more hair than I'd imagine he would have.

Kylie and Shady had a go at holding the baby, but I could tell Bush was kinda protective of it so I didn't ask if she wasn't going to invite. We all went down because the nurse asked us to, so we spent most of our time downstairs in this lobby/waiting area and chatted.

I didn't talk much, but I was a bit shocked by how much Bush had changed physically. Apart from her feet swelling up, I noticed how her face now had that bit of extra fat that mothers just seem to have. It was pretty unbelievable.

Throughout the entire visit, I just kept thinking about Katie. How excited would I be if she gave birth to our baby? Would she be a good mother? Would she want to bear my children? Would I be able to support her throughout? There were so many questions, and it all made me query about how serious I should be about this thing.

Was she as serious as I was? Did I know what I was getting myself into?

We left when Bush wanted to feed her baby, and I drove Kylie and Shady back to their cars. I went home and had a nap earlier, trying to think of what I could say during tomorrow's lunch to keep things light and keep them entertained.

She saw Joe Black!

On Friday I finally felt a bit more re-energised after the hearing a few days ago. I noticed Katie got to work just after 9am.

I had planned to go to the gym at lunch and then talk to Katie at 3pm, but I couldn't help it and went to see her at about noon. I knocked on her door holding my glasses and asked her to try them on, saying they might help because I got them just after I realised I was going short sighted.

My plan was to do to her what the optometrist did to me - look deep into her eyes and fiddle around with them, thereby getting a bit of contact to bring our 'thing' to the next level.

Instead, when I gave them to her, she looked out the window trying to focus on a far away sign, when I had hoped she'd turn towards me. She took them off a bit and I was disappointed, thinking maybe she didn't want anything to do with them, but when she re-adjusted them I realised she was just trying to notice the difference with and without the glasses.

She said that they in fact did help, as she could read the sign on the street with the glasses on. I noticed she looked pretty good with them on, it really gave her an intelligent look. I thought she'd look good with frames, but my rimless ones looked pretty good on her.

She returned the glasses to me and then said that she had watched Meet Joe Black.

Yes! Finally!

And here I was thinking that it had been stolen or it'd be something she was too embarassed to talk about because she saw it more as a romantic sign than anything else. I asked her if she liked it and she said yes, but found the girl annoying, lol. She said Brad Pitt was funny, and I told her the connection between the peanut butter and lending it to her. I told her I liked that "if you haven't tried, you haven't lived" line, but she talked a bit about the part where Pitt asked for peanut butter, lol. I just wondered why she didn't bring it back if she had watched it???

We were talking about something else when her friend jumped into the doorway, not expecting me to be there. I heard her say happily "we can go!" and I excused myself and walked out.

I was hoping they'd go to lunch at their usual time, which was around 12:30 to 1pm, so I could get changed and go to the gym without being seen by them. But by about 1:15pm they still hadn't gone, and I couldn't wait any longer so I quickly went into the change room and changed and then left for the gym. I bumped into that Moira girl in the lift, which was a bit embarassing. I then ran to the gym and did my stuff for about 45 minutes before walking back to the office (I didn't want to be sweating when I returned).

I managed to quickly slip into the change room without too many people seeing me, but Therese saw me while she was on the phone and smiled.

I got changed back into my work wear and put my vest back on. I worked till about 3ish when I went to see Katie again. This time I decided to show her my CLE DVD.

I knocked on her door and asked if she had a few minutes. She said yes and I asked her if she wanted to see a brilliant advocate in action, and showed her the DVD. She asked if it was the CLE thing and I said "it might be" as she pushed aside her stuff to open the CD-ROM.

She put the disc in and we waited for it to load. I said "you have to give me some feedback though".

I told her which file to play and she double clicked it. The video of me xx Libby started playing. Katie said "looking very professional". In hindsight, I should've been more flirty and added "and handsome?" Damn my slow working brain.

We watched it as I made occasional director's comments which made her laugh, hehe. She also laughed at that bit where I asked the stupid question about the young daughter. Afterwards as she was taking the disc out, she said "brilliant". I was hoping for more constructive feedback.

I got the disc back and told her that a year ago, who would've thought that I'd be xx Libby. She added "or even come to the dark side". I said I was surprised even people here called this the dark side, and she said they actually called defence the dark side. By now I had started leaving, and noticed her pulling the last tissue out of the tissue box. I asked her if she had a cold, and she said she just spilled her water for the flowers.

I asked "are they real?" because they looked fake, and she said some were and pointed to the real ones. I told her about how one of my colleages (Lai) had given Chinese tea to flowers which made it grow really well, and she asked if it was green tea and I said she could try. She asked if I had ever tried and I said "no...I don't have any flowers" and walked out.

Later after I ate my apple in the kitchen I was walking back and we crossed paths. I just smiled and gave an eyebrow raise.

I was out of my office talking to someone at the end of the day, and when I returned I noticed she and her friend had both left at around 5pm.

I left work just before 5:30ish, caught the bus home and then changed, drove to pick up Malay, then went back to my place to wait for G to get there. Then we all went to pick Shuing up and ended up going to Marrickville for dinner at a Vietnamese restaurant. The waiter who led us to our table, and who I asked where the toilet was, looked a bit familiar, but I just thought maybe I had seen him at a basketball court. Later on he asked if I was library guy's friend, and then I remembered he was his brother! Wow, small world.

We had a good meal, and mainly talked about the youtube video of the guys trying to pick up girls at the mall. We talked about doing it at the easter show, I'm not sure how serious we are about that, but I said (perhaps jokingly) that I'd do it if we had a way of filming it.

After dinner we went to Shuing's place to watch a couple of episodes of The Office. It was funny, but I was kinda tired by then, and it was only about 10pm. We watched a few more things as we flicked channels but at midnight I suggested we finish up as I was so sleepy I could've fallen asleep on his couch.

Avoid her tomorrow

Got to work just before 9am today, still feeling exhausted from the hearing.

I had to go to the bank, which opens at 9:30am, but waited till 10am just so I didn't bump into Katie and her friend going out for coffee, didn't want them to think I was following them.

At one point in the morning after that, I bumped into Katie as I was heading back to my office. At first we stood in her doorway and I just jokingly asked if she was busy, still prosecuting, sending people to jail, ruining people's lives. She just said yes to all of them, and then I figured I was being a bit too negative. So I changed the subject and said she had a lot of equipment, referring to her foot thing, and the two things she used to put briefs on to read.

At this point we walked further into her office, and I noticed she remained standing. She offered them to me, but I politely declined. We talked about her becoming short sighted from all the reading, and I teased her about how that meant she hadn't done any reading in uni, but she just gave a plain "yeah I did". I then asked how Newcastle was, and she said it was alright, and I picked up on the short response and wondered why she didn't elaborate. I confirmed that it was someone's 60th and said that was a long time. She said it wasn't that long, and I said I'd live to 40 and then "cark it", noting how the body breaks down. She said 40 was young.

I walked out and went back into my office to do some work. Later on I heard her walk into Heath's room and say hi.

What the?

I figured she was bored so she went to talk to him, but...why not come talk to me? Don't get me wrong, I'm not jealous or anything, because Heath is like 40 years old and bald, and married, but could it be that I'm right, and that she avoids me (or gives me this 'special' treatment) because she likes me??

I couldn't help but pretend to head to Alanna's office for her to sign something and walked past Heath's office, and saw Katie standing next to him looking out his window.

Heading towards lunch, I got a little bit sad realising that she'd just have lunch with her friend again, and that this was her so called "plans" to re-schedule my lunch offer. But then when they did go out to lunch, I saw her status as saying that she'd be heading to the LPAB afterwards.

So THAT was her plan!

And here I was going all paranoid...

I went to Heath's office and had a chat, and at one point we were laughing and I turned around to see Katie come back (presumably she had forgotten something). As she walked past me, she was looking at me with a smile. It seemed like she somehow enjoyed watching me laugh with Heath.

I had lunch in the office, but spent a bit of time in Heath's office watching his tape of our CLE thing, and then Turk joined in and we all stood there and talked for a while. I got tired of it soon, thinking it didn't look good that we (or I) were standing around talking so much.

In the afternoon, I was curious as to why Katie had to go to the LPAB, and when I was walking back to my office on my apple break (I had been talking to that cop guy about guns), I saw her come out of the photcopy room and walk into her room. I followed and knocked on her door and realised she was just about to head back out.

She said "hi what's happening?"

Call me EXTRA sensitive, but I thought I sensed a minor degree of annoyance there. Kinda like how Bush says it when there's a break in conversation and nothing else to say.

I said "nothing, just wanted to see what was happening with you". She said she was serving her first brief, and I jokingly asked if she was going to serve it herself, and she said yes. We had somehow maneuvered so that I was now standing inside her office and she was standing outside. I could sense from her body language that she had to go somewhere.

I asked her about the LPAB and she said she had to go pick up her admission thing for Judith.

That makes sense.

I then told her about how I had lost mine as well and asked her to come into my office so I could show her. I led the way and brought her in FOR THE FIRST TIME!!!

I showed her my replacement ones and she gave an encouraging "oh yeah". We stood there talking for a few moments but I could sense she was in a hurry to leave. She soon left, and it left me wondering why she was so eager to get out of my office. Did she fear being seen in my office?

I may have gotten my answer a bit later when I saw her status had changed to show that she had gone to level 26, presumably to see Judith. Maybe she had to see her by a certain time? That would make sense.

After that I considered talking to her one more time, and maybe even showing her my video of the CLE, or having her try on my glasses and maybe I could fiddle with them on her face. But I never ended up doing that, because I kinda got busy with work. All for the better I suppose.

At the end of the day, I was photocopying something and then Rat walks in. All I did really was ask if she was finished for the day and that somehow turned into a 20 minute conversation with her telling me about two of her matters.

As I listened, I thought it was wonderful how girls who had absolutely no interest in you could feel so free to talk openly to you, yet somehow if they liked you then they (assuming I'm right about Katie) might seem like they're avoiding you.

I noticed Katie and her friend had left at the same time, by looking at the status screens.

I didn't leave much longer after that, as I had that get together for the trial people organised by LA. I bumped into DY, RB and Rom Rom on the street and we walked there together.

I saw most of the people there, and spent most of the time talking with Michael D and GS. Then I moved on and had a chat with Tran, and then Rom Rom and Maria, and with Maria, we talked about Alanna.

I walked to the bus stop with Rom Rom, and then we caught separate buses home. I was tempted to pay a visit to the casino, but fought the urge.

Thinking about Katie now, I think I'm starting to border into the area of annoyance or boredom. I definitely need to avoid her tomorrow. That was my plan today, but I failed.

Avoid her tomorrow.

Avoid her tomorrow.

Avoid her tomorrow.

Maybe I should try to chat up Therese to take my mind off things?

2nd day of hearing

I caught the train to Livvy today. On the train I was going over my xx, and thought "what if she's innocent? What if I make an innocent person out to be a liar? Is that possible? Yes it is."

Nevertheless, I was still inspired to do a good job, but it didn't turn out exactly the way I wanted. The witness did pretty good, and even during my xx, I thought "hmmm...that sounds pretty reasonable, I think she's innocent".

I ended up losing. I felt bad because I felt like my informant really wanted to win. But I kinda felt good in that perhaps an innocent person got justice.

After court I went to library guy's office for a visit, saw Fam and library guy and had a quick chat before he had clients, so I left.

I caught the train back to the city and organised to meet up with Shuing for lunch. When I got back to the office, I spoke to Wendy about my matter and then went off to lunch.

We went to this small Vietnamese restaurant where the food was pretty good value. I think we both expected to talk about me asking Katie out to lunch, but we actually ended up talking mostly about that youtube video I shared around where these guys tried to pick up girls with (sometimes) pathetic pick up lines. We took a more philosophical view of it, saying: 1) we all needed to try that; and 2) it was actually a lesson for every other guy out there.

He disagreed with the "you've got nothing to lose argument", citing a guy he knew as an example who got rejected so many times playing the numbers game that he had to call the suicide helpline for his friend. Like I've said before, there is something to lose - your pride and dignity.

After lunch we walked back to my office. I think he wants to see Katie, which made me feel uncomfortable. He wants to see what girl it is that is driving me nuts.

We bumped into Heath and had a small chat, and I saw Alanna walk into the building. I swear I saw Shuing eyeing her, but when I told him that was my supervisor, he denied seeing any girl walk by.

When I went back upstairs, I went to see Alanna first to tell her about my hearing, then I went to tell Katie. I asked her if she had been given any court matters and she said she had, but wasn't sure if she would appear for the hearing. I told her that if she had any questions about court, then she could ask me. She said "thank you" in a really ummm...genuine, appreciative way.

I told her that judges didn't know everything, and told her the story about the judge who didn't know what a s12 was, and I also told her that defence lawyers were dodgy as I began walking out.

She came back with "do they change once they've changed sides?"

Is that a flirt?

I smirked, but wasn't sure how to flirt back. I just said "that's for you to find out" and walked out.

Heath came and spoke to me in my office for a bit, and we both saw Lewis walk past. Heath made a face and said "he's always looking at me funny", which made me laugh. It was just the way he said it, lol. I thought Heath would be open to befriending Lewis but apparently not.

We had a meeting at 2:30pm, and when I walked in there was a seat next to Katie, but I didn't take it, instead taking a seat on the opposite side, closer to where Stevens would sit.

During the meeting I glanced over at her a few times to see if she'd play eyesy, but she didn't. I did, however, notice Karina make eye contact.

I did a bit of work for the rest of the day, but was pretty exhausted from today and yesterday. After doing my work I spent the rest of the day talking to people, lol. I walked past Rat's room and saw her in there, and dropped in for a small chat which turned into like a half hour chat. I then went to Karina, because I think she wanted to talk about my hearing since hers is coming up, and I think she's the one person I haven't talked to about it.

At one stage I was in the photocopying room photcopying, and Katie walked in. She asked "how's it going?" and I said "good, you?" and she said good. I asked her what she was looking for and she said "these" and held up a few plastic sleeves.

Even later on, I wondered how I could efficient tab my documents and decided to ask her, but when I went to her room, her friend was there. I (perhaps stupidly) asked them anyway, and her friend recommended a way of doing it. I went back to my room to do it, and then later her friend came by and asked if it worked. After a small chat about how it worked, she returned to Katie's room and I heard her say to Katie something like "yeah he's doing it".

Hmmm...so they do talk about me. It sounds to me like they were talking about it earlier, and maybe Katie asked her friend to come over and check? But why didn't Katie come over? Is she really that shy??

After work I went home, had a mile jog, then went to the gym. I thought I'd have lots of energy because I hadn't done anything since Sunday, but my arms felt quite exhausted, and my knee wasn't feeling too strong.

Work road trip

Found myself rolling around in bed early in the morning, must've been 4 or 5am. I was thinking about asking Katie to lunch.

I had to get ready by 7am today because Heath was picking me up for court. I waited downstairs at 7am but he arrived at close to 7:30am, grrr. We drove into the city to pick Amy up, and he expressed some reluctance to drive there then back out onto the freeway because it was kinda out of the way, whereas I was kinda looking forward to having a road trip with them both.

We picked Amy up at the bottom of our building and then headed off. We all got along pretty well, talking about our past jobs, anticipating what will happen during the day and about 60 Minutes. Found out that she's got a boyfriend, but living with parents. I assumed she was engaged. I said something about incest cases happening in a particular area, and then she said she grew up in a suburb close to that - yikes, lol.

Despite that, I thought it was fun to have a road trip with people from work, it gave us a chance to know eachother better. While parking, Heath hit the car against the wall, lol.

When we got to court, it was a bit awkward as we stood around, and then did more standing around when the Clink people arrived. There were like five of them, and one of them was a witness in my case. It felt a bit like a group of people being forced to introduce themselves to eachother at a dating event. I noticed this one Asian girl who seemed pretty hot, and we made eye contact a few times as we talked to other people.

I saw Mis at court as well. I asked him what he had on and he said "ummm...it's my court". I guess that's why he didn't get the CDDP job, because he has this arrogant aura about him, whereas I think the organisation prefers humility.

When it was time to go into court, I introduced myself to the defence guy who told me the matter was going ahead. I had mixed feelings - it was bad because I was hoping for a short and easy day, but good because it would give me the experience of a hearing and help me get it over and done with, instead of always fearing what a hearing would be like.

The dude needed more time to prepare for Amy's matter, so in my matter we handed up the brief to the judge. He used to be a defence barista, and we crossed paths briefly, I wonder if he recognises me.

The hearing went ok, it didn't finish. I got a bit annoyed at the witness when she couldn't tell me what I wanted to hear, as this was her first time as well. It was kinda good in that way, it was a relaxed environment, the judge wasn't familiar with these matters, the defence was his first time running these, this was the witness' first, and it was my first as well, lol.

Amy's ended up pleading, and she having me do it for her, which I didn't mind, but then the judge wanted to deal with hers first so she ended up doing it.

I had lunch with Heath at the shopping centre food court, we both had Subway. He's quite a funny bloke, he was making fun of my witness, lol.

We went back to court after lunch, and he would come in and watch mine after he finished his, which I didn't mind. I found myself accepting any advice that Amy or Heath gave, which is weird because I thought I'd be defensive about it.

So yeah, like I said, the matter didn't finish, so I have to go back tomorrow. We drove back to the office together, and Heath seemed to get a bit stressed at the traffic at times, but we managed to have good conversations.

I was keeping an eye on the clock, because I knew Katie usually left at around 5:30pm. We got back to the building at about 5:20, and I was mentally rushing to get up to our level.

As soon as I entered our office (it felt like returning to home base) I dropped my suitcase in my room, then took Amy's with me to take into hers, but on my way stopped in at Katie's room. I knocked on her door and asked her how her new room was, and she said she wasn't used to having her own room, lol. I told her that was why I kept my door open, because I felt enclosed and isolated if I kept it closed. She said she had been in the para bay for a year and a half, so was used to having people around her.

She asked me how court was and I told her it was a hearing which I have to return to tomorrow. I told her about the time when I asked the witness this question and she couldn't come up with what I wanted until I pressed her for the third time for it, which made her laugh, hehe.

Libby walked by and stopped to ask me how it went, so then we got into this whole conversation about what I should do tomorrow, while Katie just watched on. Her friend stopped by and looked like she was waiting for Katie to become free, but Libby spoke for so long her friend eventually waved goodbye to Katie and left.

I slowly made my way towards the door because I knew we were probably bothering Katie, but then Zena came by to ask me how it went and I was kinda brief because I didn't want a whole gathering in Katie's room. I managed to walk off and drop the suitcase in Amy's room.

On my way back to my room, I went into Katie's room and asked her if she liked Japanese food. She said yes. I asked her if she wanted to have lunch on Thursday. She said she had already made plans. I nodded and started making my way out of her room. She suggested next week. I said ok. One of us suggested Monday. I suggested sushi train, and she suggested the one at the corner. I asked her if she had been to the one at the cinema and she said no. She said her friend could come. I agreed.

So ummm...that was it.

I got the feeling that her response this time improved from last time. It was like as if after last time she said "if he asks next time, I'll say..." and she did. I mean, she was the one who suggested next week as I was about to leave, so she's definitely interested in lunch. I think she wants her friend along either because she doesn't want to dessert her or she's still nervous around me.

I stayed at work till 9pm preparing for tomorrow. I'm tired, but happy.

Change of game plan!

I spent my entire day today preparing for my hearing tomorrow, but kinda in a hazy mood as I was only half concentrating. Not really because of Katie, but kinda because I think I've gone over everything I could go over.

I went to ask Alanna a lot of questions today, and I noticed she would sometimes pull her top up or cover her chest with her arms. I hope she doesn't think I'm looking, because I'm not, but goddamnit, if you're so conscious of it, THEN WEAR SOMETHING ELSE!!

Around noon today I walked past the rooms next to mine and saw Katie and her friend moving things out. I asked Katie what they were doing and they said moving things out. I asked why and where Suzanne was going. They said Suzanne had moved to the room next to the para bay.

I asked who was moving in and they smiled and said they were. Katie had this "quiet surprise" kinda look in her eyes, as if she was planning for me to find out once they had finished moving in.

They said they got the role of acting lawyer, and I congratulated them, and they said thanks. I continued into my room, thinking about what had just happened.

She's going to be in the room next to you.

She's going to be in the room next to you.

She's going to be in the room next to you.

Wait, what?

She's going to be in the room next to you.

She's going to be in the room next to you.

She's going to be in the room next to you.

Errr...I found it hard to fathom at first. I was happy at first, but then I realised how fucked up this was. She was too close. TOO close. I needed a buffer zone, so that if I wanted to talk to her I could, and if I didn't want to then I didn't have to. But now we'll be seeing eachother LOTS. That ain't good. I feel...closed in.

At one stage Katie was pushing a trolley of folders, presumably to Suzanne's room. I asked her if she needed a hand, and she thought about it for a moment before saying no. Was she going to say yes?

I wondered if they had a choice as to who would get which room, and if they did, why Katie chose the one next to me. Was it because of me? Or was it because the glass was frosted? Or maybe because it had a slightly better view?

This was too big of a change. I went out to the park to eat my sandwich in silence, contemplating about the effects of this. I was still stunned.

When I went back to the office, I noticed just as I was going up in the lifts that they exited another set of lifts, presumably for lunch. They came back rather quickly, and when I walked past her room, I said "not Chinese food again?" I sensed a little tinsy winsy bit of annoyance on her part, as she said "Malaysian".

I sat at my desk, sensing her presence through the wall. Too. Fucking. Close.

We had a branch meeting at 2:30pm. I was in the toilet and ended up being a bit late, damn it didn't look good. I half listened and half marvelled at all the women around the room. It was like 90% women. Their legs were all showing under the table.

I tried to steal looks at Katie, but it was hard because she was sitting on my side with a few people in between. When I did get a view, I realised that her skin was kinda pale and freckly, not the type you'd consider sexy. But I still liked her.

I also noticed her friend had a wedding ring, so I assume she's married. Good. I don't want no misunderstandings. It looked like she tried to look over at me at one stage. My guess is she was trying to see if I was looking at Katie.

I don't know if Katie likes me or not, but I know one thing for sure - my presence around them is above 'normal'.

In the afternoon, I was working away when I noticed her friend had left at 5:21, but Katie was still logged in. I waited a few minutes before deciding to go over for a chat. Just as I was about to knock on her door, I noticed she wasn't there. I thought she had gone for a walk about but then when I checked my screen, she had logged out at 5:24, so I guess my screen just didn't refresh at 5:26.

I was sad for a bit, because I felt like she was avoiding me. But I kept asking myself: if she was avoiding me, why would she pick the room right next to you? Did you have a good feeling after the chats on Friday? Yes. She laughed at your jokes, she looked at you when you made that 'in-joke', and she was happy to receive your lolly. What more do you want?

A weekend of the past

On Saturday morning I went to the courts, and to my surprise there were a few Asian guys there. I was a bit disappointed because I was looking forward to doing some jump rope. Anyway, I shot around for a while and then they all approached me and asked for a game. I hadn't really noticed them playing, so didn't know what level they were. Two of them told me that this was kinda like their first time playing, but said that their third friend was good.

I wasn't going to knock back an opportunity to test myself, and this would seem pretty ideal - to have a run against scrubs, so I agreed.

I teamed up with the smaller guy, and then the third friend teamed up with the fat guy. I found myself guarding the third friend, and he was pretty decent. He knew how to play.

I found myself having difficulty with his speed. Even though mentally I was there in terms of defence, I did a pretty shoddy job of guarding him. But offensively, I was better than I had thought. I instinctively did jump shots, even though in practice I kept telling myself I wasn't ready for it. I hit a good percentage of my shots too.

I could rebound and block ok, but what I noticed was my passing was still there. I could thread a needle through a keyhole with my passes. I thought "if that's all you can do, then you'd still make a pretty decent guard".

We won the first game, then lost the second game. We rested and chatted for a bit after that. Found out they were from Burma, but there was another name for it because they found Burma to be offensive. They were uni students studying nearby. They were surprised by how old I was, lol. Damn that's bad.

We played a third game and kept the same teams. It was a close one, and we won by one, hehe. I was pretty damn happy.

I left after that, not really wanting to risk over-using my knee. I got changed and then headed out to the office to do some work for my hearing. I had planned to stay only about an hour, I just wanted to get my head around what I needed to do on Monday, that's all.

I stayed for about an hour and then went back home to get my car, and then drove to the Bra to have my glasses fixed. I paid the $150 for the new arm, but the dude said he didn't really know how to attach it and the girl who did wasn't there, so he suggested I go to his other shop at the shopping centre near me.

I was cool with that, so I drove to the shopping centre and had my glasses fixed there. I had to wait a while, so walked around the shops a bit. I was to meet Malay and Shuing to go to Bunnings, so messaged them that I'd pick them up in half an hour.

When I returned to the optometrist, the dude fitted my glasses back on and cleaned them for me. I kinda liked the feeling of his fingers fidgeting around my head and ears. I thought it was really good customer service and told myself that if I ever needed anything related to glasses, I'd go back to them.

I left and picked up Malay and then Shuing. We drove to Bunnings nearby for Malay to look for some tools for his car. I'm always amazed everytime I go there, it makes me feel like I know what I'm doing. It's also like another world where you can learn so much.

Shuing bought a sponge for G after we told him that G washed his car with a scourer once, lol.

Once we got our stuff we left and met up with G at Chinksford for lunch. G had already eaten, but I said he could come out for a drink anyway. We went to Happy Chef, and I ordered some meat on sticks on top of our own orders just so G didn't feel left out and it wasn't too obvious that I did it for him.

After that we dropped Shuing home, and then the three of us went to check out one of the cars G is looking to buy. It was pretty damn nice, a Subaru, but he for some reason liked the hatch, whereas I was pushing for the sedan. Can't believe they're the same price.

We split after that, I dropped Malay home, he invited me to drinks Thai was having with his friends but I didn't really feel like it. Instead, I went out to the movies because Friday had ruined my plans for a movie.

I went to Broadway and watched The Hurt Locker. It was ok, but thought the dude was a bit too bravado, you know, another one of those "I don't need to follow the rules because I'm so cool" kinda guys. I think I'm getting tired of those.

After that I did think about whoring, but then decided against it as I wanted to wake up early to go to the courts.

On Sunday I did wake up early and go to the courts, doing three sets of jump rope. No one was around, so I found it especially peaceful. I kinda wish everyday could be like that.

I went to the gym after that, then had a really nice fruit salad and then went home for breakfast. I organised lunch with Malay and Shuing and we went to Chinksford to eat. Shuing had to go at 3pm, so it felt a little bit constrained.

Shuing told us a bit about the previous night when he went to Amy's farewell and had to drive Linda and Michael L. We talked a bit about how Michael L couldn't help himself criticising anything related to Shuing's car. Shuing said he actually hadn't said anything for the entire night, but couldn't help himself and ruined it at the end when he critiqued the cleanliness of Shuing's windscreen, lol.

After that I had this suddent craving for the casino, so I went. You would not believe what happened. The dealer rolled it into one half of the wheel nine times in a row. Luckily I bet with the streak and walked off with $100 gain even though at one stage I was up $270. Imagine if I had betted against the streak, I would've lost it all. Amazing.

I ended up going for a massage after, but at the place that's sorta near me. Met a girl called Dana who was from South America. We got along fairly ok, but she had a boyfriend. I find it kinda a turn off to know that they have a boyfriend.

So yeah, looks like I've returned to my old ways since coming back to Sydney. Will I accept it? Probably not, I still want to quit gambling and whoring. In fact, I'm aiming to pay off my credit card by my birthday in June. Do-able?