The Fighter

Although my alarm went off at 5:30am, I woke up at 6:30am and was late to pick up the guys for beach training today. Strangely, Malay never replied to my messages yesterday, and when I picked up Thai, he called Malay and his phone was off. We decided to go without him.

After picking Brain up we went to the park with the workout playground. I just did mainly chin ups, trying to work on my form, but still find myself using my legs to give myself momentum.

We then went to the beach and decided to run on the wet sand first this time. For me, it was actually harder to then switch to the soft sand. Brain ran close to halfway on the wet sand, but when I made the switch, it was sooooo hard. Thai was leading the way on the wet sand, then we decided I'd go first on the soft sand. All along I thought he was behind me, but seems like he stopped a little after we started. I was so close to giving up many times, but kept telling myself to go a little further until I finally reached the end. I was breathing like a dog towards the end. Who could've thought running on sand could be this hard?

Thai and I did another lap of the wet sand, I lost him halfway through as he ran ahead and then spotted them on my way back. He ran ahead again but I caught up to Brain and made him run the rest of the way back. I think he's made some significant improvement, but it's the mental aspect that's hard to improve.

I drove them home after that, no pressure with time because I didn't have swimming today as A was sick with the flu. Funny that, my left nostril has been runny like hell today.

I went home and had something to eat, then washed my car. After that I had a shower, then headed out to Bondy as I wanted to check out seat covers and cat food prices. I was pretty tired, but told myself to go anyway. I parked in the shopping centre and then went to check out the pet store. They make it look cheap, but in fact their cat food was way more expensive than the supermarkets.

I then went to the auto store next door and checked out the seat covers. I ended up buying a set with blue dragons on it. I asked them if I could return it if it didn't fit, as that was my main concern. They said yes. The guy I asked was pretty nice about it, but the guy at the cashier was actually texting on his phone as he was serving me.

I was so excited I quickly tried the covers on when I returned to my car, but found out that you needed to remove the rear seats to put them on, which I cannot do.

Disappointed, I drove off to the shopping centre near me to watch The Fighter. I was pretty hungry as I had barely had anything to eat the whole day, so went for a fish and chips meal. That really satisfied me.

I then went to watch The Fighter. As I had just eaten, it saved the need for popcorn and lemonade, so that saved a bit of money too. I was so tired I rested my eyes during the trailers and the beginning of the movie. I felt it started off slow, but around the time when his brother went into jail was when the movie picked up. I though Mark Wahlberg did a really good job, and so did Christian Bale. I could tell Mark worked out a lot to become like a boxer, but I don't think they showed enough of it. I would've liked to see more skipping and working out. There was some, but not enough for me. I was really in the mood to be motivated.

After the movie I was going to drive to the seaside to have another go at taking my rear seats out, but ended up just driving close by and returning home. During the movie I did think about seeing Naby or going for a massage, but watching Christian Bale's character really made me think twice.

Did I want to go down that road?

It made me wonder if my gambling addiction had affected my basketball back then.

I went home and tried to take the rear seats out, but failed again. I decided to return the seat covers next week, but earlier I decided to try on the front seat covers. They're a little too big, but still look decent, so I think I'll keep it.

Ryu-ism

This Ryu thing is coming back again. Maybe it's just another way to let my introverted side recharge.

I drove to the gym in the Bra in the morning to do my knee exercises. I returned home after that to eat breakfast, have a shower and bum around on the net.

At around 12:30pm I walked to the gym at the Wick. My dad had the car, but even if I had it, I still would've walked, wanting to feel like Ryu and his nomadic ways - I pictured him walking through the forest with just a small carry bag, on a mission to become a better fighter, and I was here trying to do the same.

At the Wick, after doing my knee exercises I did the benchpress and lifted weights. While lifting weights there was a hot blonde also lifting weights. She later took off her shirt to reveal a very well toned mid-section, and for a set I was distracted, but then made myself re-focus.

I continued my journey after that by walking to Bondy. I had my music with me so I kept my mind entertained. I probably took the long route, but it was all good. I actually couldn't believe I did it.

At the gym, I did more knee exercises but actually forgot to lift weights. I guess I was so tired after the bike that I subconsciously just wanted to get out. I then went to the shopping centre there to get something to eat. I really felt like sushi, but then told myself that I could have that basically everyday for lunch during work days. But then I could totally see Ryu eating sushi after a long journey, as opposed to, say, KFC, so sushi it was for me.

It was a bit expensive at $10 a box, but oh well, at least it was healthy. After that I walked all the way home, cutting through a field where there were women training and playing this game which looked like AFL with a soccer ball.

This time I probably took a shorter route, eventually walking through Centennial Park. If I didn't have my bag with me I probably would've jogged it, even though my legs were tired.

It felt good to return home after a trip like that. I got home at about 4:30ish. I wanted to watch the Human Centipede that Scope lent me, but my laptop was too old to play it.

I watched the tennis earlier as well. Even though she lost, that Li girl is going to be one heck of a player in the future. Her forehand is just too strong. She just needs to learn to deal with her emotions better. That's really where Clijster ousted her.

All in all it was a good day. I got a lot of exercise, got to clear my mind, follow the life of Ryu, and it was cheap. Kinda wish everyday could be like this - the simple life.

Need to cool down from Shuing

On Thursday at work I was walking past Moira's room, where Stephen, Mary and Michael were in there talking. Mary said something to join me in the conversation. I told them I'd been here less than a year and already had three changes of bosses, but was pretty quiet otherwise. I saw Michael look at me a few times. I don't think he trusts me purely because I'm quiet. It was like the other day during the announcement - everyone was bitching about it but I just sat there quietly, which probably made them think I was silently recording what they were all saying.

Yesterday Lewis called me as he had bought some Thai fried sweets and invited me to have some, so I went down to level 10. I think he must be really bored there if he's calling me for this. It even seemed a bit gay-ish, but I like the fact that he's so into Asian food.

After a chat, I went to see Alanna. When I mentioned the change in bosses, her eyes lit up and she said she had forgotten that I was someone close to the action and someone she could gossip with. I told her about the meeting and Mary's suspicions about the change. She thought it was a combination of the image of level 11 having fun combined with David's hard to deal with personality being the subject of complaints from the spies and police.

We talked about Eliza possibly following suit, and she expressed some dissastisfaction that someone so young could be acting boss. She may have noticed some reservation in me because then she said she didn't mind working with Eliza, now that she (Alanna) was more experienced. She also said she would be going to Thailand for a couple of weeks as her boyfriend had changed jobs and had a month off.

During the day Shuing messaged me asking if I was up for drinks "buddy". I wondered if it was an attempt to smooth things over from Wednesday. I invited G along because I didn't want to get into deep philosophical discussions with him. I've come to realise that I need a break from him. He's too intense, too serious, and I find I'm getting into too many arguments with him. I know that if this keeps up, it may end up the same way with Bobby, and I don't want to lose Shuing as a friend. Another upcoming factor is Bobby's sudden loneliness after being dumped - always wanting to hang out. Shuing as of late has been trying to convince me that Bobby's changed and is a nice guy, and wants me to hang out together with him again. I swear there are emails where Shuing expressed disdain for Bobby, but cbf finding it.

Anyway, after work I met up with Shuing. He wanted to go into a bar to wait for G, but I didn't want to, because I was just going to have a lemonade and didn't want to pay $4 for it, so I suggested we go to Hungry Jack's and he reluctantly went.

While we were sitting down drinking, a fat guy walked past Shuing, making contact from his fat hips to Shuing's back. Shuing made a disgusted face and kept looking at the guy. I thought it was a bit too much for what was some incidental contact. But as we talked, the fat guy kept coughing without covering his mouth, and even another guy who was sitting nearby had to move away. Shuing kept looking at the fat guy in disgust, and eventually I had to suggest we leave.

We sat on a bench in the shopping centre waiting for G, and had that discussion/argument again about Brain asking Jenny out. He said "this is tiring" but I think I cut him off. I think he was about to say arguing was tiring. So why were we arguing all the time?

G arrived which provided some relief. We decided to go play pool at the place for which G won the auction for the gift card. We saw the host of the charity there, and I wondered if it was a place Lily or Naby went to, but there was only one girl there and everyone else was a guy.

We played three games, with each alternating so each person got to be by himself against two. Shuing seemed extra competitive, wanting to prove our jibes wrong, and I thought he took the game a bit too seriously. He said he even wanted to google how to hit a particular shot. I've come to think of him now as one of those high school students who are especially adept at problem solving.

After pool we went to dinner. Sometimes G and I would talk about William's group, which I think made Shuing feel left out. Maybe this was another push for him to go towards Bobby. It's a cycle. Probably what angered him a bit more was when he asked if I wanted a drink and I said no, and then G asked me if I wanted a specific drink and I said yes, and explained to Shuing that I didn't see that drink there before.

After dinner we went to check the movie session times. Shuing wanted to watch that Paul Rudd movie How Do You Know. I was too tired for a movie, and wanted to wake up early. In the end we went to the arcades, where G and I both won a pair of slippers, lol.

On our way to G's car we saw a Chinese new year festival, so we took a browse through that. I played that game where you drop the balls into the clown's mouth, I felt like a kid again and was talking to the girl running the shop while I played. She probably thought I was trying to chat her up but I was just soooo happy, because it reminded me of the eastershow when I was younger.

In the car ride I tried to keep things cool, talking about some neutral topic like the songs by Eminem, which was playing in G's car. I could tell Shuing was probably against the music, but maybe resisted from saying anything.

I'm looking forward to a quiet weekend, away from Shuing. I need some time apart.

Weekend in the middle of the week

On Tuesday afternoon, Michael sent an email to everyone asking for a short staff meeting to be held. It seemed a little odd, and I wondered what it would be about. As I sat in the meeting room next to Genie waiting for Michael to arrive, I fantasised about him announcing that I'd get an acting LO2 role. Ah, that'd be sweet.

Trent sat himself in a trolley, obviously playing the class clown. I noticed that his shirt wasn't exactly the nice type.

Michael came in and made the announcement. He was leaving our branch. David was coming in. They were swapping.

Everyone was shocked. I was shocked, and I'd only been here for two months, they'd been here for years. Someone said something about this branch being Michael's baby, and that he'd been here for eight years. Melissa said the word "fuck" a few times. Two daggers for everyone: 1) they liked Michael and didn't want him to leave; and 2) they didn't want someone as strict as David to come in.

Michael left rather quickly (for his standards) after the announcement, while the rest of us stayed and tried to absorb what the hell had just happened. I was stunned. Mary started talking about it on a fairly diplomatic, yet candid, level. As the people questioned why, she said management must have had a reason. Her suspicions were that the image of us were a bunch of slackers having too much fun, so it was time to bring in some discipline, and what better way to do it than to bring in a guy who patrols the floor every half an hour. She said Paul probably got that image of our floor.

So that Paul guy has some power in this eh...

Christina kept whinging about it. She hated the move. She hated Paul. Melissa tried to get a day off, saying we needed a whole day to farewell Michael. Trent left rather quickly too. I was stuck there with the women and Mario, who hadn't said a word. But somehow it was my silence that was noticed, as Mary teased me about having a cone of silence like in Get Smart.

By now they had moved onto all the bad things about David. They figured I would've been on level 10 while he was the boss there, and asked. I said "I was just told to stay away from him".

"By who?" Christina asked.

"My supervisor" I replied.

Sarah nodded in agreement, saying Alanna and David got on well.

Someone else said it was a female thing to ventilate all this out. I guess they were right - Trent, Mario and I had barely said a word, while the women were gas-bagging it to death. There was also talk that Eliza might eventually come, since she has followed David everywhere.

I started to wonder about this place. Like someone said, what was the point of being at the top if you had no control over things like this? And who really made decisions like these?

When Mario eventually got up to leave, I took the opportunity to leave as well. I later saw Christina's door closed, presumably talking to someone about it. She had said earlier that Paul always noticed how much she talked with Mel C, and that probably gave him the image that they weren't working.

I don't think anyone really could concentrate after that. I went to talk to Sarah later about applying for a LO2 position. She said she didn't even get it in her first year, which made me question my assumed certainty that I'd get it. I had planned my finances on getting it. She said not to take it personally if I didn't get it, that things worked in strange ways around here. Apparently that 40 year old dude who had been a SLO for ages didn't have his contract renewed, so he went to become a Registrar. Indeed, it was strange around here.

By now an email from the big boss Jim had gone around making the announcement. I wondered what Alanna and level 10 thought about it. Did they care at all? I assumed it wouldn't really affect them. In a way, it was kinda interesting to see how the people at the top struggled against eachother. I wondered what Wendy A thought of all this.

After work I went to the gym to do my knee exercises. I really needed this one because I was sure the next day I wouldn't be able to since I was meeting up with the guys on Australia Day.

I did my stuff and then headed back to the office to change. I was to meet G for a social lice event - the charity fund raiser for the QLD floods. I met up with him first as he needed me to sign something of his. I saw that it was a sports betting account, which he said Shuing had asked him to open. Obviously, Shuing was going to use it to make some form of arbitrage/hedging device. I did not need to know this.

I then left his car and went to change while he went looking for parking. I went back up to my office, and even though it was only a little past 6pm, everyone had gone.

I changed and met G downstairs. We headed to the event venue, which was only a block from my office. For some reason I got into this mood of being really relaxed. I just kept telling myself to not care, and not be self conscious.

There were a few guys ahead of us who were signing in. One of them was in a suit, which made me feel like "just another one of them". I hoped I looked better in a suit than this guy.

The girl who signed us in was kinda cute. I felt very relaxed as I made small talk while signing in. G and I headed upstairs, where the room was only sparsely filled with people. I told him we were too early.

We took a look around before heading to the bar. William was there, and a girl called Claudia introduced herself to us. We talked a bit before they moved on.

I offered to buy G a drink. I ordered a lemonade and a beer for him. As the bartender was preparing our drinks, G asked "are you a goth?"

Everything stopped for me. I looked at her. She looked at me. I thought she was going to chuck a psych.

"What?" she asked.

"Are you a goth?" G asked again, and elaborated a little bit.

"No" she said, in a more relaxed tone.

Phew.

She asked if it was because of her nose ring. G said something, and I was just glad she wasn't offended by it. Idiot.

We had our drinks and then decided to go for a bite. We went to Hungry Jacks, and G surprisingly bought me my meal. Maybe Shuing was right, maybe he had changed.

We ate downstairs, and during conversation, he asked me what my new year's resolution was. I was just mucking around, so I said "to fuck you up real bad", and he said "I'm already fucked up bad".

After eating, we returned to the venue. By now there were more people. G and I checked out the silent auctions, being manned by a small girl, who looked very pretty with make up and 5 metres away, but was only a 5/10 on closer inspection. I decided to try to chat her up by asking how the silent auctions worked. Her and her friend's English was too poor to explain it. G had an attempt, but it didn't last long either.

I decided to check out the showbags. I thought they were free, but the girls selling them told me they were $15 each. I was served by a girl in a black dress, but the one next to her in a red dress was very very pretty, and she kept looking at me like she was trying to get away from the guy she was serving to serve me. I asked a bit about the bags and she even tried to explain it to me. I ended up buying one since it was for charity and shit, and me and the girl in red made a bit of extended eye contact as I walked off.

I later checked the bag and realised it was a pretty big rip off, since nothing in the bag really interested in. I did however want the two raffle tickets I got.

G and I were talking when I noticed a girl who looked like Bobby's ex-girlfriend. I asked G, and he said it wasn't. He said she had smaller eyes. Later on, he said it was her. I said we should go over and talk to her. Call me the bad guy, but I felt the urge to go and flirt with her just to know that it could piss Bobby off.

Eventually we made our way there, cutting the grass of the guy already talking to her. Stupid G didn't introduce me, so I had to introduce myself. That guy Raymond also introduced himself, and I considered him an obstacle to my mission. Sarah and I started talking, and she actually seemed a little interested. Maybe it was because I didn't care, but I felt like I had impressed her. I thought maybe I could see a sparkle in her eyes as she looked up at me while we talked.

There were some speeches going on, and I noticed she slowly made her way behind me. I reckon it was to check me out. Same thing NTM did in uni.

I found her to be a really nice person. She was talking about this stuff about helping people, wanting to do volunteer work, how money shouldn't be an issue and that. I thought that Bobby must've put on a pretty good act to convince her that he was a good guy. He had a black heart. It was no wonder they broke up. I was surprised they lasted that long.

After a while, it became a little obvious to me that she was getting more interested, as she only seemed to direct questions at me. That's when I thought I should pull back.

Next were the auctions, and they were auctioning some pretty shit prizes until they got to the main one - a lunch with the models, and apparently the girl in red was one of them.

The bids were going up so fast I thought it was going to hit $1,000. There was a black guy in front of me bidding for it, and I kinda rooted for him to get it. But alas, some other douche won it at $650. I did think about making a bid, but was left in the dust by the time it got to $200. $650 for a fucking lunch is too much, no matter how good looking a girl is.

Anyway, I decided enough was enough so I walked off to check out other stuff. G followed and we hung around eachother for a bit, and then somehow ended up in a group again with Sarah adn Raymond.

Later on in the night, when there was a raffle, I got talking to that black guy whose name was Hose. I was saying how I was cheering for him, and how he should win a raffle prize since he had 10 tickets. He was a really nice guy, but he kept spitting his beer at me while he talked. I kinda felt sorry for him - such an ugly, yet nice, monster with yellow fever.

I introduced him to G when he came over and we hung out during the raffle. I thought I'd get something but didn't. I couldn't keep my eyes off the girl in the red dress. I kept telling myself I needed to get a photo with her, but then the pride part of me was saying how I shouldn't care, because when I have money I could get lots of girls like that. It all comes down to money. And that part of me won out.

Hose didn't win any prizes. What was cruel was when his number was called, and he went to claim the prize, but they said "no, 43A". Dang. But he took it all in good fun.

We talked a bit more before moving back to the silent auctions, as G had made a bid. We waited for the bids to close, and G ended up getting this one gift card for pool games.

We left after that, and on the way home I was eager to talk to G about how we had bumped into Bobby's ex-girlfriend. I reasoned with him that the enemy of my enemy was my friend. He still seemed a bit out of it due to the whole Amanda thing, but I reckon going out like this was good for him.

Australia Day
I met up with Malay in the morning to go shopping for our part of the bbq foods. I was supposed to drive, but I didn't want to leave my car in the park so I said I'd drive back home and we could walk there (which was only a five minute walk). In the end, he drove his car to pick me up.

We went to Coles at the Wick and bought our stuff. We also went to a butcher to get some chicken sausages. One thing I noticed about Malay was that he didn't have much trust in the others to bring the things they were allocated to bring. He kept calling them to make sure they were bringing their stuff.

We also went to a car wash, because he wanted to show me how it worked, so I watched as he paid $2 for three minutes to wash his car. We bought some ice from that servo as well before heading to Centennial Park.

We got there right at 9am and there was already an old couple there cooking their food. We sat there and waited. We watched as more people arrived. I was disappointed in the guys turning up late. The reason I said 9am was because I knew it'd be a busy day, and for a while it looked like we were going to lose out on the bbq, but luckily they arrived before anyone else could start cooking.

I talked to Scope a bit about shares. I find that it's a bit awkward to talk about it in real life - it's a lot easier to talk about it on MSN. Thai's wife was three months pregnant, and she really started to look like a mother now. I couldn't picture her being pregnant, as she looked so young, but it was as if pregnancy had added ten years to her face.

One thing that really annoyed Malay was Brain's laziness. That guy was too lazy to even get up to get his own food. He actually asked Malay to bring it to him, lol.

There was talk about meeting up with Linda, but that seemed to fall through as she had to run errands for her parents and said she'd be late. I said we'd probably be gone by the time she arrived.

There was also talk of Shuing coming, but he could only come after midday and Malay wanted to go home to sleep as he had to work that night. He ended up leaving while we waited for Shuing to arrive. He did arrive eventually, and you could feel the group vibe change. He wanted to do things, whereas we just wanted to sit around. The only good thing about his arrival was that he brought a soccer ball.

G, Shuing, Thai and I kicked around a bit, playing penalty shootouts until Shuing got bored and wanted to meet up with William's group. I really didn't want to do that because I couldn't see the groups meshing, but he was so aggressive towards the idea. So we finally packed our stuff, and like a tribe in ancient times, we migrated to find William's group.

For a while, it looked like we weren't going to find them, and with the heat and distance, the pressure was on me. Luckily, we did find them. They had a big group. William came over and I introduced him to everyone. He didn't let things get awkward by asking if Thai's wife was Japanese.

He told his group about us and a few of them came over to say hi. One of them joined us to kick a ball around, but eventually returned to his own group. We then kicked the ball amongst us for the rest of the time. See? I told you we'd mesh great.

William invited us to the beach, and I said we;d go home to change first since we lived nearby. But I knew it was an excuse for some of us to decline the offer. We walked off, and Thai and his wife went home, while the rest of us trekked back to G's car.

I think we took the long way. It was so hot that we stopped at a mini-shop to get drinks. To my surprise, the guys wanted to go to the beach, so we agreed to go home and then meet at the beach.

G dropped Scope home, then Brain. Brain said no one was home and he didn't have the keys. This was a pretty big signal to me. It became obvious that his parents didn't entrust him with a responsibility as small as keeping a key. No wonder he wanted things done for him. We agreed that I'd come pick him up as his parents were on their way home.

G dropped me home and I went up to change as they headed off. I went to pick up Brain and then drove to the beach. We had a bit of a hard time parking because it was packed, but eventually found a spot.

We could make squeaky sounds walking on the sand as we looked for the group. We found G and Shuing and then later the 'other' group. I broke the ice (my ice anyway) by helping Sandra stick the umbrella into the sand. I didn't really know how this was all going to work, so I just tried to have fun. I took off my shirt and went for the waters.

Jenny and Lemon were already in. I found Jenny to be a little bit attractive, and spoke to her a bit in the water, but Lemon wanted to hit me with water. I was not playing that game with her. Then I decided to walk out into the deeper parts of the water to see how far I could get. It was fun, but I kept getting smashed by the waves. When my eyes had had enough, I left and returned to the group.

I found myself wanting to talk to this girl who I later knew as Emily. She seemed decently attractive in a sensible way. I made a remark about her forgetting to take off her watch and bracelet as she prepared to get into the water. When she left for the waters, I was left with Shuing and some others. I decided to walk off and talk to Emily.

She dabbled in the waters and I asked if she was going to jump in. She said she left her swimmers in China. We made a bit of small talk before I walked off to the area between the flags for another swim.

I returned later and got buried in sand by the guys. They tried to create a female body on me and took photos, lol. Fun times. It got the girls laughing at least, as Jenny put a hat on me to ice it off. When I got up, Shuing said "you're actually quite buff". I don't know why people don't seem to realise my body proportions when I'm wearing even just a shirt, it seems like they have to see me without a shirt to realise I go to the gym.

After that they decided to go to karaoke and dinner. Brain was his usual uncertain self. Shuing was a no. G only wanted to go to karaoke. I pushed G to go to dinner and he caved in. So we agreed for G to drive home and for me to drive Shuing and Brain home.

In the car, Shuing was saying how he thought Jenny seemed interested in Brain, and Brain revealed that they held hands in the water. Shuing pushed him to go to the dinner but Brain was unsure. Shuing said he should ask her out, and I kinda disagreed, since they had just met and it'd be a sure fire way to lead to a rejection and humiliation. We already have one depressed lover, we don't need another.

But Shuing was relentless, constantly pushing Brain to go. I asked if he was going, and Brain said no. Shuing got angry and asked me not to pressure him.

Me?? Pressure him!??!?

After I dropped Brain off, Shuing and I had a somewhat heated discussion about what had just happened. I said I didn't want Brain to go for Jenny because she seemed like the cunning type, and I could genuinely see him getting hurt. Shuing asked "so you want him to be single forever?"

I felt that things were kinda awkward as I dropped him off, and that line he said reasonated with me in my head over and over again.

Perhaps it's a lesson he just needs to learn. What hurt could it do if he came to the dinner anyway?

I rushed home to have a shower and change and when I walked back to my car, I called Brain and told him he had ten minutes to get ready as I was picking him up for dinner. I knew he'd bite. He subconsciously wanted to be controlled, and here I was giving him instructions.

So off I went to his place again. The things I do for my friends. I'd done enough driving back and forth and here I was going at it again. I arrived at his place and waited a few minutes before he came out.

I rushed to Chinksford and got there at the same time as G as we spotted him across the street trying to find the place. We went into the restaurant together and found them at a large table.

They had finished eating, but had a lot of food left over. Brain and I helped finish some, but G didn't eat, saying he'd already eaten. I managed to get a few laughs when I told everyone about Hose's near-raffle wins.

We then drove out to the city for karaoke. We took two cars, my car was one of them. I drove Lemon, Shuing, G and Matt. He must've felt a bit out of place as he had wanted to win the rock-scissors-paper game to go in the other car, and we all knew eachother except him.

We parked in the city and went to the karaoke place. I sat next to Matt and felt comfortable, and even moreso when he said he didn't sing. I was glad I wasn't the only one. We played some dice games with Brain, Matt, Jenny, Emily, Lemon and William. It was actually pretty fun, with losers being flicked on the forehead.

I was pretty good at re-organising the die, losing I think only once.

Everyone sang Chinese songs, but when G sang "What I've Done" by Linkin Park, I was singing along, and Jenny noticed as she handed me the mic, so G and I just yelled along, lol, it was fun. I actually didn't care, and felt Brain turning to look at me, but I had lost that feeling of self-consciousness, at least for that song.

Emily sat next to Matt, and sometimes she would put her head down. I wondered if she was tired or feeling sick, but later realised that she was just trying to get into the music.

Later I moved across the room to sit next to G, and found the guts to choose a Gallen Lo song to sing. G moved it forward so it'd be the next song, and I asked that it be switched to digital as I needed the help. I sang 仍然在痛. When the music started, everyone was surprised I was going to sing a Cantonese song.

When I started singing, people were like soooo surprised. Jenny asked "I didn't know you knew Cantonese". I was a bit nervous and self-conscious as I sang it, but mostly I just told myself to fall into the lyrics and emotions of the song. Classic song man, that's like one of the best songs ever. EVER!!!

I couldn't help but look over at Emily from time to time for the rest of the night. She looked tired and out of it, and then talked to Brain a bit at the end. I wondered if Brain was the type to cut my grass. He probably was. But then I reminded myseld of how bland he was and was reassured.

After karaoke we split, and I drove them back to Chinksford to get their cars. I was so glad when I dropped Lemon off. I got a bit of a vibe from her that day. I need to stay away from her.

Costs avoided!

Hmmm...I think I have got back a lot of the feeling in my leg.

I didn't go to the gym this morning as I had court, so just slid my knee back and forth in bed when I woke up. I went to the office to pick up the suitcase and then headed off to Parra.

When I got to court, I went into a conference room to prepare. I saw that Guy guy and hoped he wouldn't be in the same courtroom as me - I could picture him telling the defence what to do to get costs.

At about 9:30am I went out to check if the courtrooms were opening, but it wasn't. I looked around and made eye contact with a guy who I was fairly sure was the other side, and we both smiled and walked towards eachother. We introduced ourselves and started chatting. I had a slight suspicion he was the type who wasn't well versed in the law, and I got confirmation when he mentioned something about 14 days and I asked him about it and he stumbled and changed the subject.

I don't know if he was gay or if he was trying to poach me, but he kept saying we could meet up for a coffee, emphasising 'afterwards' so there wouldnt be any "conflicts" and so we'd remain "professional".

When the courtroom opened, we went in and I got my stuff out. We mentioned the matter first and then the judge dealt with another matter before returning to ours. I got a headstart as the matter had already been vacated earlier, so didn't have to work much for it. But then she was going to order costs!

My ears perked up and flashes of dragging my tail back to the office filled my head.

Me: Could I be heard your Honour?

She allowed me and I made a good point which Wendy F taught me. It made her think, and then changed her decision. I came this close to getting costs. Bomb avoided, defused. I quickly made my exit after saying thanks to the other side and left.

As I walked on the streets, I thought I saw Twish and quickly crossed the road and waved to her. As I got closer, the woman I had waved to put on her sunglasses, and I walked past pretending I was going after someone else. How embarassing.

I took a walk through the shopping centre and thought about buying Alanna some sort of confectionary because I had avoided a bomb, but didn't find anything suitable.

I caught the train back, and it was quite hot even though the train was air conditioned.

When I got back to my office, I spoke to Sarah a bit. She told me about a file in court for tomorrow where a police officer had forgotten to file a document, but it had been resolved, and I thanked her for her help. Then she told me she had won tickets to a screening of Beautiful Kate tonight, but couldn't find anyone to go with as her boyfriend didn't want to see it. I wondered if it was an indirect invitation to me, but I just joked that maybe she should send an email to the whole organisation like Steve Tucker and there'd be many takers.

Shuing called and wanted to meet up for lunch. Today was his first day at a new job in an office about a block from me. We met up, and he was talking about how he wasn't used to these 'hours'. But the real meat of our meeting was talking about G. He said G had told him not to tell, so he didn't, but he said G is really screwed up in the head right now. He said it had to do with him being absent for that good half an hour or so on Friday night.

He said G hanging around Bobby was good for him. I could see why, since they had both been dumped recently. However, Bobby seemed to be getting onto the booze and I feared G would go down that path. Shuing suggested I befriend Bobby again, as he had changed. I told him it was just a cycle.

After lunch I went back to my office. I typed up my notes for court today, and after that struggled to keep myself busy. Michael returned from leave today, and I could hear him walking around talking to everyone. Somehow I doubted Wendy A did that, and I still struggle to adjust to that difference. With Wendy A, it was completely fine if you just hid away in your office working away. But with Michael, it's almost as if you have to be his friend for him to like you.

In the late afternoon I logged onto the internet to check my shares (mining companies had gone down, thanks) and saw an email Patrick had written to the Ele group, basically pouring his heart out in poetry form, lorning his love for Lemon. God, that was pathetic, and I wondered if G would realise the error of his ways if he saw that.

At the end of the day I went to talk to Wendy F about my matter in court. Earlier I had spoken to Alanna about it. Felt a bit like we were catching up, until I got nervous about not knowing how to leave. I can be stupid at times.

After work I went home, and then drove to the gym at the Bra. I could only do my knee exercises, because I was still sore from the chin ups on Sunday. Maybe it was because I didn't work out the knee the day before, but it felt hardened, meaning it felt stronger, but at the same time less flexible. The air-conditioning at the gym was stuffed, and I really felt it on the bike. I made myself do 5km, which is 1km more than usual. I think I'm getting paranoid about my knee. I want to strengthen it to prevent injury so I'm trying to do more on the bike now. I got so hot my body was basically dripping with sweat.

Weekend of catching up

Man, haven't blogged for a few days, so can't remember when events have happened. But at work, I'd like to note the following:

- I spent Wednesday to Friday reading transcripts in a matter, so kinda felt like I had locked myself in a room for those three days doing just that;

- I found out Mario goes for a run during lunchtime. I was so surprised to see him in his tshirt and shorts all sweaty, I just blurted it out and basically invited myself to join him for a run. Then I thought about it and decided I probably shouldn't get too close to someone at work. I also questioned how I felt closer to people below me than above me. This was the same observation Shuing made of Bobby, which made me realise again how similar we were;

- I had a bit of an email exchange with Alanna, which was work related, but it kinda made me feel that we were, after all, good friends in the work sense, and that maybe she even missed me a bit;

- I got a call from Jacqueline basically asking me to do a list. I thought as an LO1 I was only supposed to do one and assist one, but now I'm doing two, which I thought was the job of an LO2. It made me think how this was another way they were trying to get me to do more but not pay me for it. Anyway, I confirmed my suspicions that I was given Karina's list, and then looked for her name in other lists to see if she had swapped. She hadn't. This meant she was leaving. I presumed she had found another job, remembering she said last year that she had applied for one.

- On Friday afternoon I decided to dispose of some excess files on level 10 since it was a level 10 related file. As I approached the para-bay I heard a voice say my name. It sounded familiar, yet I just couldn't put my finger on it. I did know this: it was a very friendly voice, with a little bit of chirp in it, as if they were eager to see me. I waited at the para-bay as I disposed of my files and saw that it was Karina. She looked a bit fresher, a bit tanned, and generally very jolly. But it was a bit odd seeing her - it was like seeing an ex-girlfriend (not that I would know). I also wondered why she was being so jolly since she decided to ignore my email. We chatted a bit, and I said "you're leaving". She asked how I knew and I told her. She said she was going to study full-time. She seemed happy to be leaving, and I wondered if she had hated her job. It certainly didn't seem like it. She said 16 February would be her last day. I didn't know how to end it, so I said I'd make sure I see her before then. She asked about my knee, which was thoughtful.

- I left the conversation thinking, "I sure know how to pick them", meaning, I had intended to pick someone to be my best friend at work, picturing us climbing the ladder together, but turns out I had picked someone who was leaving when they hadn't even been around a year.

After work I was to meet up with Egghead for a catch up, along with Shuing and G. I wasn't sure how this combination was going to go down, but figured I'd be social and include them, since Shuing had criticised Malay for not mixing his other groups of friends with us. I had some time after work, so I went for a walk to Myer. They still have that shirt I want, but the price hasn't changed at all. I soooo want it, but not for $70. Not now anyway.

I went to the bar opposite my office to wait for them. I felt very much out of place as I awkwardly walked in, looking for a seat. It seemed like there weren't any, yet the place wasn't that busy at all. I went to the bathroom and came back to order a lemonade. I found a seat upstairs and played on my phone while waiting.

A while later, Shuing and G arrived. We moved to a sofa area and started chatting. Shuing bought G a drink - I thought it should've been the other way around. We actually waited a long time for Egghead. I noticed after a while that G didn't seem to be into our conversation. He was checking his phone a lot. Then he stood up and walked off.

Shuing and I weren't sure where he went. We presumed he may have gone to the toilet or gone outside. Shuing and I talked, and I actually didn't really like the conversation. At times it felt like he was cross-examining me, asking about my sister, and how my parents felt about me and my sister not having partners. Maybe I was being defensive about my family, but I didn't like it. I so wanted to change the subject but couldn't think of anything.

He told me G asked him for $650 to go skydiving with Amanda. I said he had asked me the same thing earlier but I thought he was joking, so I said I would if he gave me $850 in return. We then had a discussion about separting emotions from logic, and about how it was good our professions taught us to do that. I had read some books on it, and I'm pretty sure he had too. We agreed that G was thinking with his emotions, rather than using his logic. It made me realise that, even though I may be behind G financially, I was at least more knowledgeable than him when it came to these things. I'm not saying I wouldn't be sad if I was in his situation, but I'd be better able to analyse it. Perhaps the pay off from my negative experiences was beginning to show.

G came back and seemed different. Shuing and I asked him where he had gone. Shuing basically kept hounding him about it, whereas I'd try to inject some humour into the situation (I know, criticise me for not being serious). I noticed he was very very quiet. Obviously so. He ignored our questions as to where he had been the last half hour or so. He seemed to be avoiding eye contact. To me, he looked like he was about to cry. I was guessing he had called Amanda and didn't have a pleasant conversation.

Soon, Egghead arrived. I knew it wasn't the best timing. We all greeted Egghead, and he became the centre of attention in our group. He had my attention too, if not for the fat girl constantly rubbing against me sitting behind me. I moved several times away and the contact was constant.

It was good to see him again. He said I sounded like a bogan on the phone, lol. I found that it was mainly just me and him talking, perhaps because we were sitting closest to eachother. I could feel G feeling absent because of whatever may have happened. I could see Shuing trying to think of a solution.

After a while, they wanted to go eat, but I was sure Egghead didn't want to have dinner with us. Egghead suggested they eat here, but Shuing wasn't one to try non-Asian food. They left for dinner and said they'd come back. I was a bit upset at that, because: 1) I hadn't eaten and they were leaving without me; 2) I felt it was disrespectful to Egghead - I mean, here Shuing was, always talking about how Malay doesn't mix his groups of friends, so what happenes when I do it? He doesn't even talk to a guy who went to our high school together, so how does he expect to get along with Malay's group of friends? and 3) I felt that Shuing had positioned himself as the resident psychologist, always wanting to delve deep into our minds, our problems. He may not have any malice to do so, but it irked me that he wanted so much personal information about us.

After they left, Egghead and I could have a bit more of a 'closer' conversation. We moved outside so he could smoke. I bought him a drink and another bowl of chips (I was pretty hungry). Some of the things we talked about were:

- Michelle had been pregnant with Tayyer several times. She was the reason Egghead and Vien had a falling out.

- Schlong was heading towards Bumville in terms of careers.

- Egghead's parents had gotten him to buy a share in a property back when he was about 21. Another person financially ahead of me. It made me want to stop whoring even more, but also made me wonder why my parents hadn't looked after me like that financially. He is now close to paying it off.

- He had also recently bought a car, a convertible.

- He is now very good at picking up girls. He has grown a beard, which gives him an even more masculine look. I must admit, even before the beard he was a pretty good looking bloke. A girl came to our area. She looked at me and I instinctively raised my eyebrow as if to say hi. She ignored me. But I noticed she was turning back to look at Egghead.

- He invited me to go for a ride in his new car on Sunday, but I declined, sure that I had something on but unsure as to exactly what. I did, however, say I'd like to go the following Sunday.

I noticed a girl who had sat at the other end with her friend had been alone for a while, and now seemed to look at us from time to time as we talked. Even Egghead looked over at her. He may have thought she was interested, but I feared she was listening to our conversations because I was talking a bit about my work. She could've been another lawyer, or a police officer, or a juror, or even a spy. See the difference between Egghead's mentality and mine?

He decided to meet up with his work friends at another club, and wanted me to go. I wasn't very comfortable with it so I said no, but I'd walk with him there. On the way there, he told me a bit about picking up girls. He said you needed to just not care, or at least, pretend not to care. He said girls were attracted to guys who looked like they were having fun. I asked "so not be self conscious?" and he said "everyone is self conscious". I could see what he was saying, but wasn't sure whether I'd ever be able to reach that stage.

I walked there with him and briefly met his friend, who seemed to be smashed. I then headed off. I had seen the flashing star of the casino, and briefly thought about it, but then dismissed the idea. I felt a bit abandoned and lonely. I had run out of trips on my bus pass and wasn't sure how I'd get home. Luckily convenience stores sell them so I bought one and caught a bus home.

Saturday
I went to the gym at the Wick in the morning. Got there at 7:30am thinking I would miss the queue, but even at that time there was a line up.

After that I went home and washed my car. It always feels so good to have a shiny and clean car. I bummed around a bit before heading off to pick up Mike. I had thought about whether I should take him or not. I mean, I wanted him there, but didn't want to drive all the way there to pick him up, but then figured he'd been a good teammate and friend all these years, so I shouldn't be caring about these things.

I got to his place and picked him up. He looked exactly the same and talked exactly the same, but it was good to see him. He didn't seem surprised I had shaved my head. We caught up in the car. He had been playing in the Sunday comp and came second, albeit with the help of two players from premier league. I was waiting for an invitation to join the team (not that I would've, as they start again in February and that's way too early for me) but the closest I got was him asking if I was going to return.

We talked about Fat Pat. Apparently they broke up only after a month in Hong Kong. Mike reckons the difference in status, with Jannet being a lawyer, was too much for her. She did seem like that kinda person, but they were such a good couple. Oh well.

We talked about our knees, and apparently his knees are alright even though he hasn't had surgery. I'm not sure what his condition is exactly, but he said his older said he was too young for surgery, and it had something to do with arthritis.

Mike was working at the cinemas now, or at a bar within the cinema, so he makes drinks and all that. It was good to see he was at least working.

The drive to the courts took a lot longer than I expected. First, I had underestimated the distance, and second, there were terrible traffic jams throughout the entire trip.

We got to the courts half an hour late. I was surprised to see only a few guys shooting around. Will called out to me, because I couldn't recognise anyone. When we arrived, Laurence was so eager to play he immediately called me to start a game.

So I didn't even get to warm up and started a game with Mike. Immediately, I recognised how good it was to play with Mike. I knew how he played, and presumable he knew how I played. He was hitting a lot of shots, which made things easier. That Kenneth guy was playing as well, and even Mike later said he was a tool.

There was an opposing point guard who looked a bit familiar. I could tell he could play. He was probably the best there. He wasn't doing much, but just from the way he played, his movements, I could tell he was good.

Midway through the first game Mike walked off, which annoyed me a bit. He seemed to have an injury but said he was just tired (???).

That Mike guy from social lice twisted his ankle, landing on someone's foot, and I cringed badly inside. It was almost as if the injury had happened to me. I didn't want to see anything like that at all. I found out from him that the familiar looking point guard was Dennis, and had played in our Sunday comp. I then recgonised him as the point guard in that red team.

I went to say hi to him but he didn't seem very talkative, although that may have just been his personality since he didn't talk to anyone much. I couldn't believe I was playing against him. I thought it was probably a bit too much for my second game back. I didn't want to guard someone so good. I wanted an easier assignment. He drove past me very easily. I was still going easy on my knee in terms of quick sudden movements.

I also didn't try to rebound much, choosing to just stand there when there was a rebound or if some guy was shooting around the basket. At one stage, I felt a small nudge around my right knee as someone's leg had made contact, and that was enough for me to turn things down a notch.

My shot was falling after I had warmed up, so I had become a spot up shooter.

During a break, some guys arrived and one of them had a girl with them. She smiled at me as she passed. From my experience the previous night, I kept a cold hard face as we made very brief eye contact - I didn't want to risk being ignored again. I was a bit self conscious during the next game since she was watching, and I could tell I wasn't myself. I was focusing on every small movement I made, instead of the game. It was affecting my performance as we lost the game.

I remembered what Egghead said and decided to just pretend she wasn't there. The next game, I was back to my previous form and resumed knocking down shots as we won the game.

The social Mike had invited us to lunch, but then I turned it down. I went to eat with Mike, even though G had sent me a message for dinner and karaoke. We went to the shopping centre and I watched him eat a kebab. I didn't want to eat as I knew I'd be meeting G.

I drove Mike back home and asked him if I was back to my 'old self'. He said I didn't run as much. I think that can be improved with time. I headed home myself after dropping him off.

Malay had asked me if I was going to dinner, and told me Bob was going. That was enough for me, so I bailed when I got home at around 6:30pm. To my surprise, I was pretty out of it, and napped on the bed, ignoring the constant calls to my phone.

I woke thinking about twisting my knee. It had become a nightmare for me now. I was constantly thinking about it as if it was going to happen. I needed to get out and went for a drive to get some petrol.

Today
This morning Malay and Thai picked me up for training. We picked Brain up and went to Bondy beach. I was actually not looking forward to this, as I wanted at least one day to sleep in.

We went to a park, different from last week's, and did some exercise on the equipment there for a bit. The chin ups really made me struggle. I think I need to do more at the gym. Brain said he was too tired to jog after that, which really fucking annoyed me - how the hell does doing chin ups and push ups stop you from jogging?!?!

We went to the beach, and Brain was still not up for a run, until he got some prompting from Thai. Malay had done a short run so he could return to the parking meter. I took my shirt off because it was too hot. I was actually feeling a bit insecure, because I didn't have toned abs, but Brain said "you got the chest going" which at least made me feel a bit better. Good to know your hard work is acknowledged.

Thai, Brain and I jogged, only to have Brain stop after about a minute (which he claimed was his most ever) and Thai and I went the rest of the way.

I was very very disappointed that Brain hadn't even chosen to walk the rest of the way, instead opting to just walk back to base. Seriously...

Thai and I jogged to the other end of the beach and went back to base with Brain. We managed to convince him to at least walk with us, so we did that, and then Thai and I jogged back to the other end. Malay and Brian had joined us, and then we talked about heading off, but Thai wanted to run once more to the other end, so he did while we walked back to base.

It was close to 9am, so I said we should head off, but Thai wanted to go to Macca's. I was hoping they'd just have takeaway, but they instead sat down to eat. I was surprised and disappointed that Thai didn't accomodate my sense of urgency. Malay did, because he drove in a rush to get me to the uni pool.

I thanked him and got out of the car to meet A. He had messaged me, and I knew he'd be annoyed, understandably so. I was about half an hour late. After our first three laps, I noted how fast he was going and he said "well I had half an hour's rest..." and I wondered if that was a jab at my punctuality.

I did 12 laps and he did ten, and then he drove me home. I had a shower, two pieces of toast before I met up with Malay again at the auto shop. I needed to get detergent for my car and a polishing cloth, and he said he was going to get touch up paint but didn't. I also wanted to get backseat covers for my car, but they didn't have any that were suitable.

After that I went home to have a nap, then went to Broadway to watch The Dilemma. Mike was right - the trailer made it better than it was. I liked the plot, but it could've been so much funnier, especially with these two guys. The first laugh from the audience occurred about 20 minutes into the movie, and I wondered if this was even a comedy.

Winoa Ryder was so hot, but you could tell she was ageing. I enjoyed the time to myself, with my popcorn and Lift. It's not the same without Coke, but oh well.

After that I went for a drive to the seaside and then returned home.

I saw on facebook that Bob had met up with G, Shuing and Gnat earlier for tennis. I thought it was funny how we were now going through another cycle - the one where they get together again just because Bobby's single again. I thought I remembered Shuing saying he wouldn't fall for it since Bobby left everyone so blatantly last time, but I could be wrong...

The difficulty of sending one message...

I woke up today to turn my alarm off, and saw that no new messages had been received. I told myself yesterday that maybe she had forgotten her phone, or was just too busy at work. But alas, the question must be asked: how hard is it to send one SMS message? Even if it's a simple "thank you"?

The lack of response, particularly since I was only trying to help, is making me think more and more about not seeing her until she messages me. Think of all the money I could save!

Feeling lost...

In the morning I checked my facebook and saw a message from Evonne. She called herself Ele's sister...I wonder why they do that. Let's see how sisterly they are if she doesn't pay her rent. Anyway, she just asked if I could check her report for her, which I agreed, not because I like her, but just because I wanna help.

I didn't go to the gym because I had to go to court in Burwood. I had a fuller read through the file on the train. It's really only after I do something like that that I feel more confident about my business.

On the train I saw Bo had messaged me, asking if I wanted to go to Brisbane this weekend to help clean up with the floods. I thought it was a good idea, so enquired more, until I found out the plane ticket would cost $200. Look, I wanna help out, but I don't think spending $200 to do volunteer work is such a great idea...

I got to the court and waited outside for it to open. When it did, I went inside and sat around reading more of the file. I was scared I'd screw up. I was scared the other side would be some really experienced guy or just some nasty demanding guy. But as it turned out, it was a girl from the same office and she didn't seem like she knew what was going on either. It made me feel a lot better. It also reminded me of my earlier days working for Nom.

We managed to get the matter done without any problems, and I headed back to the train station to get the train back to the city. The thought of checking out the shopping centre did cross my mind, but I decided against it. Particularly, I wanted to walk past the cafe where I met Wendy Z for coffee - that seems to be my memory of Burwood now.

I returned to the office, with lunch time in mind so I could go take a picture of a tv and send it to Naby. When lunch rolled around, I went to the RTA to pay a fine, which took like 45 minutes, so I quickly rushed to JB Hi-fi and took a picture of a Sony tv going for around $800 (turns out I was right about the price I told her), only to find out that it didn't save properly on my phone...grrr.

I then went to this small shop to get some sushi for lunch. I spotted it the day I went looking for that "Ronga" place for Lily. It was on a small street and probably because of that the prices were pretty low. So I grabbed lunch from there and ate it back in the office.

In the afternoon, Sarah emailed to ask if I'd be free for a file review tomorrow morning. I emailed back with "yup" and she emailed back with a motivator poster of a dog saying "guess who's awesome?" It was pretty darn cute, and later I went to talk to her and asked if she was a dog person, and she showed me a picture of her dog from her phone.

Also, Mary sent around an email saying that Moira was acting SLO while Ogre was away. I couldn't help but feel it was a bit of a slap to the face for me. On one (fat-fetched) view, Moira and I had started at around the same time, albiet in different divisions. On another (more realistic) view, I am still new to this division, and if it had been me who got the acting role (even if it was only for a couple of weeks), it would've been a bigger slap in the face to Moira. So I guess I'll just sit here and be content...for now.

I left work a few minutes before 5pm, eager to try the tv photo again. I didn't want to go to the same JB Hi-fi because it'd look really suss, so I went to the one in TGV, but they didn't sell tvs. I went up further and again that one didn't sell tvs either :(

So I settled for taking the catalogue, going to a bench and taking a photo of an advertised Sony in there. I was pretty excited. I sent the photo to her and it took a while to go through, probably because of the size of the photo. I didn't expect a reply, but nevertheless kept checking my phone.

I sent Egghead a message to see if he wanted to meet for drinks this Friday and later felt my phone vibrate. I was pretty sure it was Egghead, and I was right.

To be honest I felt a bit pathetic. I felt like one of those old, fat guys being scammed by a young girl who was only in it for the money. I can't believe my feelings of excitement had changed to this after sending just one message.

Maybe I'm just in a bit of a down mood because she hasn't replied, but I kinda feel like straying away from the whole punting scene, at least for a month. On the bus, I pictured myself competing financially with Bobby. I could see the news reports now - I would be so much more competitive if I didn't have that extra expense on the side.

I wanted to pay off my credit card. I wanted to invest my money in shares. I like investing. I like receiving that letter a while later to show that you are the new owner of a company. In fact, I received one today for NRU.

I don't know how I feel right now. If today was Saturday, I know I wouldn't go see Naby. That's how I feel right now, but I can't say if I'd feel that way come Saturday, even though I'd like to. I spent much of the bus ride trying to figure out if she gave the GFE just to me, or every customer she saw. Did she do the eskimo kiss with everyone? Did she wipe the sweat off every guy's forehead? Did she call everyone chagiya?

I guess what I'm looking for now is more than sex, something outside of sex, outside of that room.

Year of the Yao

Last night Shuing wanted to meet up for dinner, but I had already eaten, but said I'd come for a drink. So he picked Malay and I up and we went to Tea Inn. We talked mainly about G's break up. Somehow he had become the resident psychologist in our group. Even though I told him what G had told me, I felt there were lots he didn't tell me which he knew about. Actually, come to think of it, it's almost as if he cross-examines me as to stuff that happens and yet he avoids answering any inquiries into himself.

Apparently G is depressed. He took three days off work last week and spent the nights writing up what he was going to say to his now ex-girlfriend. I didn't even think he liked her that much, maybe getting dumped hurt more.

I also told them I had noticed more warts growing on my right hand. Shuing said it was probably from the weights I used at the gym, but if that was so, then it should affect both hands. My theory, and I hope I'm wrong, is that it may have come from punting.

After Shuing finished, G came and met up with us outside the restaurant. He had been with Bob at that karaoke thing and went to dinner with him. To be honest, I thought Shuing would end up going to dinner with them, and even more, I thought G would stay there.

We talked about where we were going to go before Tayyer called Malay and said he and Gurang were nearby, so we waited for them to come around. We saw Gurang's car drive past and turn into a side street, and then re-appear again on the other side of the road. Strangely, they didn't get out as we waited. Shuing said he was going to call it a night (probably because he doesn't like Gurang and/or Tayyer) and Malay said he'd go over to say hi. When he reached the pedestrian island halfway across the road, Gurang drove off.

They probably thought it was funny, and then each sent me a message blaming the other, while Shuing drove us home. They called Malay to try to get him out again but thankfully he had the sense of turning them down. That was just so year 12-ish and not funny.

Today
I got to Malay's place at 6:30am ready for our morning workout, but only drove away at about 6:45am, as Thai came a bit late and Malay was waiting around the corner. Brain didn't come because he needed to drive his mother to a temple. I was kinda glad because I needed to meet A at 9am for swimming and knew Brain would slow us down.

We went to a small park near Bondy beach to use the workout equipment there. It was a bit weird to kinda share it with the people already there, even though I should be used to it given I go to the gym lots. I guess it was just a new environment.

We did chin ups, push ups, and some of the other exercises shown on the board there. It was a good start to a workout, but it didn't feel complete.

Thai wanted to go for a run at the beach so we drove down there and ran three quarters around. It was only today that I realised I'd had a pretty hectic weekend in terms of working out, since I went to the gym and played ball yesterday, and here I was running in the sand and going swimming later.

Thai and I ran together around the beach while Malay dragged behind. He seems to run in small bursts of energy rather than spreading it out and going the distance.

After that Malay bought a boost juice and Thai bought some breakfast from Macca's for his wife and I drove them back home. I then went to the pool and met A.

We caught up a bit, seemingly like we didn't miss a beat. We got changed and did our laps. He did I think nine or ten, and I did 12. It felt so good, and despite not having swam since NYE, it didn't seem any harder than the last time.

We talked about the NBA, shares and a bit about his work.

After that, I drove out to the city to get some hot and spicy KFC. It was about 10-ish by now and I hadn't eaten breakfast. I also had a strong craving for KFC since yesterday, so thought this would be a good time for it.

I bought it and went back home to eat it. Eating KFC + watching Simpsons = win!

I watched a few episodes before taking a nap. I was pretty exhausted by the early wake up this morning. I went to bed thinking about Naby. At this moment, I am pretty sure I'll give her a miss next week, mainly to save money. The only thing that makes me want to go is to keep the 'momentum' going for a while in the beginning. I wonder if I'll disappoint her by not going. Maybe she thought she could return and everything would be the same? Would she be disappointed if it weren't?

After I woke up, I went to the Wick, and bumped into Nigga Ho. We talked a bit before I went to the video store to check out what bargains I could get in their closing down sale. I ended up buying Terminator Salvation for $5 and Year of the Yao for $1, hehe.

I then went to the gym and had a light session just working on my flexion. I went home and watched Year of the Yao. Don't know why, but bits of it made me want to cry. It also kinda made me want to formally announce my comeback to basketball, but I'm still questioning whether I'm ready for it.

Six month sobriety coin chip!

Thursday
I decided that it'd be a good idea to take the box of coconut jelly to work to share around, so I took it in the morning. I got there a bit early because I was just there to pick up my suitcase to go to court, but saw Bryony there and did offer her one. I also sent an email to the people in my corner plus Genie to let them know.

I then took the train to Parra to court. It was a bit of a walk down memory lane as I dragged the suitcase from the train station to court. When I got there, the usual guards were there and one of them (the friendly Jamie) recognised me. I took the lift and when I stepped out I looked to my right and saw a big Caucasian man sitting there looking at me. We looked at eachother for a while before he said my name, and I figured he was the informant. I don't know, there's just a 'look' about informants - they're not there at court for themselves, so they're kinda relaxed, yet they're dressed for a purpose, so chances are they're informants.

We spoke for a bit beofre I went to check the court list, and there I bumped into Michael D. He joked about when I was taking over our client's case, and in hindsight I wondered if there was any slight in that. He said I must've done a really good job for the client to still want me.

I went back to the informant and we had a fuller chat about the case, and mainly the mathematics involved. We spotted the other side as they arrived, and the lawyer had someone call out my name. I thought it was a bit "der" because I had an Asian name, and here was an Asian bloke talking to a white guy, so the odds were that we were it.

We talked. He sounded like he wanted to go ahead and flesh out the dispute in court, I said we could figure it out in conference so we should ask for a bit of time. He agreed, and so we went in court and asked for half an hour.

We all went into a conference room and I showed him the SOF, which he began reading out loud, very slowly. He would go off track a bit, and I wondered why he even went through the ones he said his client would be pleading to. It was such a slow, dull and painful process. Finally we got to the point where we differed, and I told them where they made the mathematical error. So he didn't even finish the conference and ended it, and I told him that I was concerned about his client traversing his plea, which he understood.

We didn't get on until 2pm, so during morning tea I went for a coffee with the informant, and during lunch I went for a Subway.

Finally when it was our turn in Court, I got a bit annoyed that the lawyer got up and traversed the plea, AND made an issue about the mathematical difference. Like, he just ignored everything I had said. I think we were both lucky the mag didn't raise it as an issue. Fark.

I was glad when it was over, cause that case could've been a real headache. That's one less level 10 case now.

I caught the train back to the city, and caught Mary just in time before she left. I asked if she had any of the coconut jelly, and she didn't, so we went to get her a piece. She seemed ok, I couldn't pick up any bad residue from my "short and fat" comment.

I was too buggered to do anything so I left shortly after that. I went to the Wick to pick up my suit and also went to the gym. It was kinda weird to walk back holding my suit, but managed to save a bus trip.

Friday
Had a bail at 12pm, so it was another day in Court. I'd prepared this for about the third time now, and still spent the morning adjusting and amending what I was going to say. I did feel a bit of pressure on me to succeed, because if I lost this one then the police might be questioning if it was just me doing a bad job.

At 12pm I went to court, and met the two officers there. The female was kinda pretty in her own way. The guy didn't seem as "tall and handsome" as last time, but still made me pretty envious.

We went into court and waited, it started late so we sat there till close to 1pm when the mag said she'd do our matter first thing at 2pm and gave me a wink. I wondered if that meant I was going to win, but then figured she was just trying to be friendly.

So I went back to the office to eat my lunch. I wanted to eat it stress free, but now I only had the stomach to eat a bit. It wasn't long before 2pm arrived and I headed back to court.

We did get up first, and I got a bit pissed off at the other side who, again, handed me material as he was handing it up. Like, this is the second time where we've waited around and he's waited till the last minute to give me something.

He made a big fuss about an 'error' I made with charge 2, but there was still a strong case on charge 1, which the mag made him address. He didn't do that well enough, but she still wanted to hear from me. I did my subs as I had prepared. I think I started off ok, but ended up talking a bit too fast. I wondered if people could see I was nervous.

I keep thinking the cops will think I'm doing a bad job, and will tell me so. But afterwards they didn't seem to pick anything up. Maybe it's just all inside my head. The guy didn't end up getting bail. I think this is the first time I was happy because someone didn't get bail.

I was so happy I went back to the office and just decided to tank it for the rest of the day. Sarah asked me how I went, and I think having already told Genie the story, I was a bit tired and didn't tell it with too much confidence, which made it sound like I screwed up.

Malay wanted to meet up after work, I didn't really want to because I just felt like a quiet night in, but agreed if he could get Shuing and G out, but he said Shuing was sorting out the girl issues with G, so that was the end of that.

I went to the gym, but it was nice to just have a quiet night at home.

Today
I was supposed to meet G for gym at 7am, but turned off my alarm and went back to sleep. I remember a bit about a message he sent bailing, and then later asking me to let him know when I was going.

So at about 7:10am I called and said I was headed to the gym, and he said he wanted to come so I met him there. As I drove there I remembered I forgot to tell him he needed a towel, and hoped he'd bring one since he did use to frequent a gym a few years ago.

But alas, I saw him standing there in his very old fashioned attire without a towel. I told him it was gym policy to use a towel and he didn't see the reasoning behind it. I used my membership to get him in, and I got the vibe he was trying to pick up the girl at the reception by saying he might come back tomorrow.

Please don't embarass me, please don't embarass me.

So I showed him some of the stuff A and I used to do, and I could see he wasn't too awkward with the gym stuff but did need to get the fundamentals right. He had a bit of trouble balancing the bar on the benchpress, and also keeping his elbows in on some curls.

Apparently he hadn't slept, having stayed up playing board games all night at Michael L's place with him, Eva, Bobby and Shuing.

I thought it went well for his first time, but I could see myself being uncomfortable going with him regularly as he didn't seem like the type to have gym etiquette.

We went back to our respective homes afterwards. I had a quick breakfast at home before going to pick him up again to go to bball with William. On the drive there we listened to my Eminem music and just talked about regular stuff. It was only when we got to the courts that I asked what happened with him and Amanda, and he told me about a time how they had made a bet on a soccer game during the world cup and how if she lost then they'd have to watch a horror movie, but she reneged on that bet. I asked if that was why they broke up and he said no, but it was one of the things. He also said her dad didn't seem to like him, due to money issues.

Anyway, I started playing basketball with the guys there. Midway through the first game I told G he could take my car to do his grocery shopping if he wanted, I had said no earlier, but I realised it was pretty shitty of me to make him sit there for three hours in the hot stuffy stadium. So after the first two games he left with my car.

I totally stunk it up in the games. Every single shot I took was short. The first two were airballs, and then the rest barely hit the rim. I wondered if it was due to the time away from the game, but then I realised it was probably due to the weight lifting I had done earlier in the morning.

One guy (Kenneth, whom I had said looked like a cunt because I thought he was into Wendy) was on my team and had pretty much stopped passing it to me. I couldn't blame him though, since I probably would've stopping passing it to me too.

I did do a few good things, like passes and setting backdoor screens. I could see the reports now - "he's playing like Tracy McGrady out there", and that wasn't a compliment. It was good to get back into it, you couldn't see it, but I was happy. Like, really really happy. But scared at the same time. I told myself not to jump for rebounds and blocks, because I really wouldn't be able to cope with hurting my knee again.

I remember when I was talking to Brendan at the gym about my injury, he joked that I'd just settle for jumpers like "no thanks, I'll just shoot it from here", and that's pretty much exactly what I did.

It felt so good to have sweat draining down my face. I really missed it. My jersey was so drenched it wasn't funny.

After a while, my shot did start to come back, as they started falling and I became a scorer from the outside. I even won a game on an outside shot. I even blocked a shot! When William and Mike joined, they said I was on fire, mainly because they didn't see me suck in the beginning.

My shooting had become a bit weird, I felt like I was now flicking both wrists. Somehow my body automatically adjusted, like "alright, you suck, do it this way to get it in" and it worked.

I actually couldn't believe I had survived three hours of basketball. It was only half court, but it was still something. I did step on someone's foot a couple of times, but the very minor twist only occurred at the ankle. It did give me a hell of a fright though.

Sometimes during breaks, I'd think about how I'd be seeing Naby soon. It kinda made me feel disgusted that I'd be seeing a prostitute. I suddenly lost the urge to go.

I sat around for a bit to cool off, enoying my Powerade, while G was on another court shooting around with some girls. William invited us to lunch, and I said it was up to G, but he didn't want to. At that point, I was willing to sacrifice Naby (at least for today).

When we walked to my car, he told me about how he had tried some pick up lines on girls he came across at the pool and in the shopping centre. I said he had guts, but felt like he was just another Keen - someone on the rebound doing stupid things.

In the drive back, he also talked about how he thought Amanda was seeing another guy while they dated. He said she had received like a $500 phone from a male friend. I thought it was pretty obvious she wasn't into him, how she never had a shared photo on fb, she never changed her relationship status, and the big one - how they didn't spend NYE together. But of course, I didn't tell him that.

He did also mention that I was stubborn, which I figured was the results of an analysis and discussion stemming from Shuing. I took it as constructive and you know what, I probably am. But that's just me.

I dropped him off at home, and thought about taking up his offer to watch him at a karaoke competition. Karaoke is totally not my place, but I figured he was nice enough to watch me at basketball, so the least I could do was return the favour. But then he mentioned Bobby would also be there so that gave me an out.

It was still fairly early, so I went home and had a shower. I was pretty hungry, but my mom nagged me out of the house. She was asking me for money, which I knew she'd just use for gambling.

I went down to my car at 2pm and called the shop. I didn't really feel like going, or having sex, but how she looked now intrigued me. I asked if Naby was working today.

Guy: Naby...Naby?!

Me: Yeah.

Guy: Yeah, start at 3pm.

I wondered why the surprise reaction. Was he wondering how I knew she was back at work?

I drove there and got there half an hour early, so took a stroll through the back streets and got lost a bit. When I returned to the main street I found I had only walked about a block away, lol.

At close to 3pm, I decided the heat was enough and I should cool down a bit inside, so went to withdraw my money and went in. The guy asked if I was [insert name here] and I said yes. He said Naby had changed her name to Bibi.

Grrrr.

I went to the bathroom and then waited in the main waiting room. I heard a guy come in and my door was closed as the line up came out. I tried to listen for Lily's name but could only hear muffles.

After that I was called and I walked out to see Naby there. She smiled and I smiled back. She was just as I had remembered, although I noticed her hair was now longer and wavy.

She started walking up the stairs and I followed. Halfway through the stairs she reached out her hand and I took it as she led me the rest of the way.

This is just the way I remembered her...

She said "long time no see" and I said "chincha?"

We went into the room. It wasn't as I had imagined. I had pictured a lot of passionate, catch up kissing. Instead, we seemed a bit distant (compared to what we used to do, but this would be normal with Lily). I sat down on the bed and she went out to get the towels. I started taking off my shoes.

She returned, and I asked her how she was. I asked her when she came back and she said Sunday. This was probably true as I remember calling her on the 8th and her phone was off. The message she sent was on Monday. I asked her if I looked the same, and she said yes.

I asked her what she did in Korea. She said rest. By now we had approached the shower. I asked her if she had taken her mother on a holiday, and she said yes, in Korea and other countries, being Thailand, Hong Kong and Macau. I had noticed she was wearing a necklace, and wondered if it was the one I gave her. I can't remember what the one I gave her looked like. I just remembered the necklace was short and the diamond thing was small. I couldn't help but ask. She said she still had mine, but the one she was wearing was given to her by her mother.

There were times when I looked at her face and she noticed, looking back at me and smiling. I almost couldn't believe I was here again, with her.

After the shower I dried myself while she washed herself. For some reason she was sipping the water and spitting it out. When she finished, I handed her the towel and she thanked me.

I had noticed she brought in the ice and stuff, so I figured I was going to get the routine treatment. I didn't want to push for anything outside of it, so I just said I was tired and laid on the bed. She asked why and I said I had played three hours of basketball, and she made a sympathetic sound.

She started the routine, kissing my back and all that. She even did the 'DD'. The difference between her and Lily is that she kisses and moans.

After the kissing she asked me to turn around, and I looked at her. She started kissing my chest, kissed me on the lips and then went down on me. She put the condom on and then got on top of me. The sounds she was making reminded me of our past. I felt her breasts, and noticed they seemed particularly hard, especially the sides.

She leaned down to kiss me a bit, and then pulled me up as I sat there kissing her chest. She then did her usual thing where she laid back and pulled me down. I started kissing her chest and we also kissed on the lips a bit.

We went at it for a while, and built some heat doing it. In the midst of it, she said it was hot, lol (meaning the room was hot). When I finished, she said I was sweating, and she grabbed some tissues to wipe all the sweat off my head. I felt a bit like a little boy being cleaned by his mother. But this was just another example of why I got the GFE from Naby and not Lily. She also said "chagiya".

She asked if I wanted a drink. I thought about it, wanting to avoid coffee. She suggested coffee, and then water. It was like she read my mind. I laid back on the bed and watched her as she wrapped a towel around herself. She turned to look at me. It was another small thing that set her apart. But I also noticed that, maybe it was the wavy hair, but it made her look older. There was a definite difference in age between her and Lily. No one would mistake them being the same age.

She was out for longer than I thought it'd take, but returned with two cans of that Korean lemon drink. I looked at it to see if there was any caffeine in it.

Damnit it's in Korean!

She opened it for me, and for a moment I feared she'd break a nail. She handed me the drink and I drank it. After a few sips I put it on the bed table and laid down.

She laid down next to me and we sorta held eachother. I say "sorta" because I had my right arm holding her, but my left arm remained in between us. Maybe it was an indication of the distance that had been created by time.

We looked at eachother's face, and into eachother's eyes. I noticed that sometimes when I looked into her eyes, she'd look back into mine, but would also deliberately widen her eyes, as if daring me to look. We kissed occasionally, but also talked. Sometimes she would rub her nose against mine, and I'd reciprocate.

I told her I thought I'd never see her again. She asked why. I said I thought she'd meet a nice boy in Korea, get married and have a family. She laughed, and said no. I said I was happy she was back, and she said "really?" and I said yes. She said she had surgery done in Korea, on her teeth (she mentioned that in the beginning) and on her breasts. I wondered if that explained the scars on her left shoulder. I said "no..." in a sad tone. I just couldn't understand why she felt like she needed breast implants. I was sad and disappointed.

She said it'd been six months. I said six months and one week, as I remember having surgery a week after she left and today was six months from surgery for me. I showed her my knee scar and she asked if it was painful now. I said no, and told her how I had to get it straight and said now I was trying to get it to bend.

Sometimes I'd look at her face closely and noticed how her skin was just a little bit wrinkly. This was the same for her chest. Maybe she's older than me.

She asked how much she could get a tv for and I told her about JB Hi-fi. I asked her how big she wanred and she said "28" and mentioned something about living by herself. I hope she didn't want me to buy her a tv, because I ain't doing that, although it wouldn't be the first time I breached a rule like that. I said I'd let her know if I found one.

Somehow we got talking about her coming here. She said something about how it was harder to come here now due to immigration, and I said I had heard that. She said she was here on a student visa for three years. I laughed, thinking there was no way I was going to keep this up for the next three years, and said three years is a long time. She said she was planning to go back to Korea in school holidays, being around July.

I really couldn't believe that I was holding Naby. Part of me wanted to cry. I told her I'd think about her sometimes after she left. She asked what about, and I said I wondered what she was doing.

We then fell asleep facing eachother until the buzzer went. This was another difference that persuaded me to pick Naby over Lily: Naby was never in a hurry to leave, even when the buzzer sounded. On the other hand, Lily seemed to me to be keeping an eye on the clock as we laid there, as she would get up out of bed as time approached.

When the buzzer went, Naby was still holding onto me, and then later started stretching. I suggested for her to shower first, which she did. I noticed she was constantly looking in the mirror, and I said "you're beautiful" as she finished.

When I was tying up my shoelaces, I told her I might not be able to come next Saturday. She asked why, and I said the people from basketball want to go to lunch. When I went to get my keys and stuff, she got them for me and handed me my wallet and phone. She was about to hand me my keys and when I reached for them she pulled back. I said, daringly, "do you want my car? You can have my car" and she laughed and said no and gave them back to me. She was carrying a lot so I opened the door for us and walked out. She said "see you next week" and I wondered if she understood what I said earlier. As I reached the bottom of the stairs, she said "see you [insert name here]".

My god, she said my name...

And so, I celebrated my six months of no gambling by seeing the return of Naby.

In Court with Alanna

I went to the gym this morning, really tried to focus on flexion as I did three sets of that sliding exercise with the sliding board. In hindsight, I probably didn't do the flexion portion of my exercises properly by bending my knee in the air (to cut the need from removing the towel under my knee each time).

After gym, I went home but didn't have breakfast as I didn't really feel hungry. I got to work and made two pieces of toast. I worked until about 9:50am when I went over to court. I was pretty sure it wasn't going to be heard at 10am, but I just showed up in case the other side showed up at 10am.

I saw Junar there and talked to her as we waited for the court to open. We both had an "I love Alanna" session, talking about how great of a supervisor she was. I noticed that Junar isn't really the bitchy type. Like, she seemed to accept pretty well that I was the one who got 'promoted', and teased me about it. Maybe it's because she accepts she's at the bottom of the hierarchy, but compared to Dugon and Zena, she was much more easier to get along with.

When court opened we went in and sat on the side waiting and watching. It was Tim Postman doing the list. Although Heath made him out to be a prick, he kinda seemed like a nice guy. He was definitely doing a good job with the list. As I watched, I tried to remember what Nom thought of him. I only remember a phone conversation with him where he offered to write up a document because I didn't know it needed to be done.

I waited until all the lawyers from the other side had gotten up and done their matters, concluded that my guy wasn't there and left. I was kinda glad, and couldn't believe my run of luck, as I didn't really feel comfortable doing my bail in front of everyone. Now, I would get to do it at 2pm when hardly anyone would be there. I returned to my office to prepare a bit for my hearing tomorrow, which involved lots of maths.

I had bread and soup in the office again. Talked to Melissa a bit as I made my lunch.

After lunch, I went back to court, and almost did a double take as I saw Alanna waiting outside. Apparently Junar's matter wasn't finished and she had a half day, so Alanna took over. We talked a bit while waiting for the court to open. It was the expected - how was the new floor, etc but she asked me how Ogre was going which I think was what she really wanted to know.

I told her what I thought to be the truth - Mary didn't seem that warm towards her, yet I wasn't sure if they'd already met before or if there's something I didn't know about.

The building opened and we went inside. I spoke to the other side a bit, gave them some documents and returned to sit with Alanna. We talked a bit, about the difference between level 10 and 11. When the courtroom opened, we went in.

I was wondering which one of us would go first. If it was me, I'd feel a bit nervous doing it in front of her. If it was her, would she feel self conscious?

My matter was mentioned first, so she did get to see me mention my name, which wasn't much. When her matter was called, she got cut off by the mag when trying to announce her name, but she didn't seem affected by it.

We waited for such a long time, we sat there talking sometimes, but I'd try to listen in on what was going on or observe some of the other lawyers there. I was paying particular attention to two guys, and noticed how they held themselves out and exerted confidence, and tried to learn from them, although one guy seemed a little too cocky.

As I kept watching and listening, Alanna would interrupt at times with completely random topics, like how she was bored, how she was hungry. She said she only thinks about two things - food and her weight. I was sure clothes would be a third. I wondered if I should've said men only think about money and women, but thought both subjects would be better off avoided.

She was playing with her phone, and I told myself that that meant she definitely wasn't interested. I also noticed she didn't pay any attention to the two guys I was noticing, and it made me think about how happy she must've been in her relationship. I mean, one guy reminded me of David Beckham and the other was a really cool, GQ kinda guy. She just kept playing with her phone.

I told her that Wendy A once asked if I wanted to come back, and said I didn't know if she was joking or not. Alanna said she was. I said I didn't know what to say. She said "I'll go wherever you need me to go". Perfect answer. I said "that's why I need you with me". And that was the truth.

At the end of the day, mine got adjourned to Friday, so I left, not wanting to make her feel self conscious. As I walked back to the office, I swear there was this girl who looked like Lily without the long hair. She followed me across the road and even walked faster to get ahead of me, which made me wonder if it was Lily trying to get my attention.

When I returned to the office, I told Sarah what happened, and that I might be unavailable to do the bail on Friday because of my hearing tomorrow. She said she could do it and that she was also doing the Wollongong list tomorrow. I asked her if she knew Wall there, and she said no. I said she was "short and fat", and then realised that Mary may have overheard from her office - yikes!

When I left, I looked in Mary's office and didn't see her, then took a walk around to see where she was, and when I came back she was at her desk, which made me think she may have been there all along but was just hidden away somewhere. I wonder if she heard it? If so, did I offend her?

I tried to test it when I saw her moments later in the corridor and told her what happened. At first she seemed kinda normal, but towards the end she gave me a raised eyebrow look which made me think that maybe she did hear me. I noticed at the end of the day she didn't come by to say bye, which she usually does.

I stayed at work till nearly 8pm preparing for the hearing. I hope all goes well.

Naby/Lily
I thought I had pretty much decided on Naby, but then today somehow the thought of the flower tied to Lily's bag came into my mind. It made me re-think my decision.

I've noticed that the last question to ask myself was: who would make me the happiest? Instead, I keep thinking about how my actions would affect them. Maybe I am too considerate. It makes things harder.

I've even considered not seeing either of them this weekend - and that may well be the case due to practicality as Malay needs to move, I want to play ball with William, and everything depends on me getting the car.