That sick feeling of everything finally being over...

I feel like I'm about to cry. And I have that sick feeling in my stomach. I'm not sure whether this is because we have finally broken up, or if the realisation of a $25,000 loss has just crystallised.

Despite me thinking she had blocked my calls, SMS and Kakaotalk messages, it turned out that she could still receive my SMS. I thought it would be going nowhere, but the 'romantic' side of me decided to talk to 'no one' anyway, so on Thursday night I sent the following:

"Goodnight Jin...

I think you have blocked me so you probably can't see this anyway

But I love you and I will always love you"

At about 2am that night, I was woken up by a string of messages coming through to my phone. I had a quick look and they were from her - all in Korean. I did a quick translation using the app but figured it wasn't accurate anyway, so decided to wait till later.

The next day after work, I got onto sharedtalk.com and asked someone to help me translate. This is it:

너는모르는게있어.내가너를좋아하지않았다면.만나지도않았어.돈이 아무리 중요.

하다해도

사랑없는 관계!

절대 하지않아.

you dont know something  about me..
if i dont love you i will never meet you..
i never sex with you without love eventhough money is important..

내 상황이 너무 힘들다 보니

너한테 자꾸 돈달라고 한건 미안하지만

처음부터 너도 알고 나한테 연락한거잖아?

you know now i dont have enough monny ..so a little bit hard situation..so i ask you to give me money..you already know about this situation then keep in touch with me.

내가 너한테 돈달라고 연락한것도 아니고

니가 먼저 연락해 놓고

이제와서 내가 너를 돈으로 밖에 생각을 안했다는건

솔직히 말도 안되는 소리고

그렇다고

니가 돈 많은 사람도 아니고

착각하나본데

너를 그렇게 생각해 본 적없고

그냥 나를 좀 내버려둬.

i did nt tell you that give me money .. first you gave a call ...you said i met you for money  but it s bullshit..you misundertood me im not that person.. i know you also the person who dont have enough money..

let me alone..

시간이 지나면..해결해주겠지

그리고

나는 니가 그런 문자만 안보냈어도

너한테 연락했었을 텐데

너무 경솔했다.

it will solve after pass the time.. i will call you if you didnt send me like this message..you are too creless

잘자.

그리고

니가 하고 싶은대로 해

내가 감당해야 할 문제라면..내가 감당할

good night.. you can do what you want..  if this situation is my rsponsibility was  i would take accept...

I sent her the following:

"Jin...your messages made me cry...

I am sorry about the messages I sent you before

You know I would never hurt you...

But please understand, I was angry when you told me to shut up...

Also please understand, in my work, I see many cases of girls scamming guys for money

That is why I am scared...

What am I supposed to think when you break up with me after I have given you the money?

When you break up with me because I could not give you $1500 that week?

That is why I was angry...now I am sorry...

If you want to know the truth...the original money lost a huge amount from bad investments

So I took a $50,000 loan from the bank...give my mum $10,000

The balance of $40,000 for you...but I could never give to you altogether...I told you that before I started giving it to you

Can you understand why I got angry?

How would you feel if you gave me money and I disappeared?

But I am sorry I doubted you...my work has a big influence on my thinking...

I hope we can fix things...I love you, and I think about you everyday

I have been sad these past weeks without you

I know you have difficult situation, but why not try to fix together?

There is more than one answer to your problem...

I have thought of two more solutions to help you...

I want to tell you...please do not block my calls...

Again, I am sorry for doubting you...please forgive me

Actually...three solutions...please call or meet and I can tell you

So that was Friday. Then yesterday morning I sent her another message saying "Jin...can we stop fighting please? I miss you..."

Last night I went to Ele's place for poker. I had earlier gone to Toys R Us to buy her baby daughter a toy present so I gave that to her. I was a bit disappointed at the show out because I was the only there apart from her and Yang. She called her neighbour, Jay, the casino dealer to come over. Apparently he was there earlier. I wondered if he'd recognise me from the casino. Would my cover be blown?

Fuck. I can just see my whole life coming to boils now.

I thought about confessing things to Ele, as I really needed an outlet, but I knew we wouldn't have a private moment at her house.

Anyway, Jay later showed up and I felt really uncomfortable because that was when they told me we'd be playing for money. I felt like they were pressuring me and that this was kinda like a trap. I told them I didn't want to play with money as a matter of principle, even though it was only $5 buy in. I figured, I am in $28,000 debt right now, I don't need this.

Anyway, we agreed that they'd play for money and I'd play for push ups.

As we were playing, Jin started sending me a bunch of messages at 8:30pm. I was quickly translating them with my app as I was playing. The translation wasn't accurate, but I got the gist of it. We were arguing back and forth with me asking for forgiveness and saying I had sent those messages in anger.

Although she wasn't having any of it, she kept replying, which made me think maybe this was some way of giving me a chance. This went on for a while, and I lost all enthusiasm for what was before me, deliberately losing in poker so I could focus on the texts.

G arrived at like 11pm, he bought in for $5, quickly lost and we left. Even when I got home I sent more messages but she hadn't replied.

She sent me more messages at 2:15am, asking me to stop talking and said she didn't like me now. They woke me up and I started replying straight away. So we got into it once more, and she even called me. We spoke along the same lines before she ended the call. She mentioned me contacting Ash and said he was her friend, not mine. She also said her friend had seen me working, so I had lied. She said she'd change her number the next day and asked me not to contact her. I thought, if she's going to change her number, then I can't contact her.

The messages continued after, and she called me again 20 minutes later. It was the same.

So now, I sit here, feeling like shit. Again, I'm not sure if it's because of the break up, or because of the money.

This morning I was supposed to hit the courts for training, but had absolutely no motivation to do so. This was despite me getting lazy yesterday and promising myself I'd do it today. I have been staying at home playing GTA V.

Part of me says I am better off without her, but another part of me wants to be with her...

Contact with Ash

The idea of contacting Ash had been floating around in the back of my mind for a few days now. After all, now that Erica had blocked my number, he was the only way I could get in contact with her. However, every time the possibility came up, I dismissed it as I thought I'd look kinda desperate. Besides, I was supposed to be over her, right?

Anyway, today I was at work and noticed that on Kakaotalk she had deleted her name. I had to make sure she hadn't deleted her account, and it doesn't look like it. Her name has just been changed to a dash like -. It scared me a bit. What was she up to? Would she harm herself?

That was enough to get me to eventually message Ash at lunch. I wasn't expect much of a reply, thinking she may have told him I threatened to bust them to the authorities, but I was surprised. He replied pretty much on time, and was nice about everything. He said he had heard we broke up but didn't know the details. He had also heard "whispers here and there" that I was supporting Erica financially. He said sorry for me losing my money, and thanked me on Erica's behalf for helping her. He said he'd try to talk to Suri to get her to talk to Erica. I read it a few times to see if he was genuine, and call me gullible, but it does seem genuine to me.

And now here's the thing: all of a sudden, I felt like maybe I had made a mistake...again. Remember how you nearly got out of the situation before handing over money, only to get back right into it? Well this was that all over again. Did I really want to hand over the rest of my money? Now that I had declared I got my job back, what excuse did I have? Well I was going to say, if she did ask for it, I'd say I have no confidence in her staying with me.

On top of that feeling of slight regret, I also felt like I had instantly closed off any opportunities of meeting a new girl. I had this mental image in my mind of meeting someone really really cute.

So I don't know what's going to happen now. Ash told me to "ride it out" for a couple of weeks. He made it sound like we just had a fight, not broken up. Even he said it was "harsh" of Erica to break up just because I paid my car rego instead of giving her money. Glad he at least has some reason in him. So maybe it's a good excuse to stay put for a couple of weeks. If after this period things haven't changed, I reckon I would've moved on.

He did say he saw her last week and she seemed worried/stressed. I reckon it's to do with her financial situation, but I wonder if it has even an inkling to do with me. I mean, was there any emotions involved on her part?

After work I skipped gym to go home to play GTA. I am so glad this game has come at a time like this.

I called her...

Yesterday my parents were fighting. It made me think about how similar Erica and I were to them. I have a pretty good feeling if we stayed together we'd end up like them. The similarities between Erica and my mother are quite astonishing. Both are uneducated (hence are very illogical and irrational in arguments), both want to do nothing and both ask for money. I've realised it takes a certain kind of person to ask for money.

My dad and I are similar, and that's always been the case. We're both just too nice. When I see my parents fight, I sometimes wonder why my dad stays. I personally think he should just walk away instead of chasing mom. But then I look at myself and see the urge to chase Erica, to protect her, to love her. Maybe that's why. Maybe my dad is just as big a fool as I am?

I spent yesterday in the office half reading and half thinking about Erica. Most of the time it was logical thinking, and sometimes I even managed to put perspective into things by thinking about other girls in the world. There are so many, why pick her? I mean, just the prostitution world alone, you could go pick another one and do the same thing over again. This time younger and better looking.

But then I started thinking all lovey dovey. I wanted to claim my love for her, I wanted to chase, I wanted to pursue. I wanted to tell her I wanted to be with her forever. I sometimes think that I may like the romance more than her. I even got to the stage where I was contemplating giving her more money. Fucking crazy isn't it? Like my mom sometimes asks, "do you have a rivalry with money?"

So after work I called her. The phone rang once and it went to voice mail. Hmmm. I figured maybe she rejected my call, or was in another call. I tried again and same thing. Then I realised - she had blocked my number. So maybe she never even got my 'blackmail' messages? Well that's a shame, because immigration's onto it.

When I think about this aspect, I do think that she deserves it. She needs to pay for what she did. She can't get away with it...

It's crazy isn't it?

Part of me is still thinking about getting back with her. Part of me wants to send those messages on Kakaotalk she isn't receiving to her via SMS. Part of me wants to suggest to her that we get back together now as I can give her more money.

I remember watching those current affair programs where an old guy said he couldn't stop giving money to scam artists, and I thought "stupid idiot, I will never be like that", but hey, look now, guess what, I'm that guy. It's just so different when you're the one 'in it'.

Part of me thinks about what a poor situation she's in, not sure what happened to her father, her mother is in a coma, and her brother doesn't seem to care. She's all alone in this foreign country with no one. And I've just done all that I can do to send her packing back to Korea.

Why?

When I ask myself that, it brings me back to all the logical reasons for staying away from her. I don't think she's a good person when it comes down to it. Perhaps she deserved it?

Scumbag brain

It was only earlier today at work that I was trying to figure out how I could bypass facebook's requirement to provide a mobile phone number when creating a new account, so I could create one in Jin's name and hope to have people she knows contact me so I could expose her.

Now, some hours and some GTA play later, I've gone back into 'soft' mode, wanting to get back with her. I wonder, why does the brain do this? Despite all the logical, rational, and sensible reasons I have to stay away from her (such as telling me to shut up, constantly being a money drainer, our polar opposites in terms of smoking and drinking), my mind keeps reminding me of all the good times we had together. What survival purpose does this function of my brain serve? Would it not be better off searching for a more suitable partner?

I know she's blocked me on Kakaotalk, but in an odd twist of reasoning, it's made me message her even more. Because I know she doesn't receive it, it's kinda like confessing your love to a person in a coma. How romantic.

I texted her "why must we fight?" and "we were so happy when we started". Which is true. I keep thinking back to our first date, and how innocent it all was. I wonder now, did she have money in her mind then? Was this all just an elaborate plan to get my money? Or was there at least some genuine feeling at least at some stage of our so called relationship?

Why am I even thinking about this, when I should be thinking about how best to get rid of that $29k debt. I already sold TEN shares last week because it had been going nowhere for a while, so I figured I might as well get back that $260 to either pay for my upcoming phone bill or reduce the loan by a bit.

On a random note, yesterday after gym at the Wick, I was walking to the car park and heard this father yell at his two kids not to run out to the car park. I looked and realised why he yelled so loud - because he was physically too slow to catch up with them.

That made me realise - I am now 31. Even if the best case scenario comes true where I meet the girl of my dreams tomorrow and we hit it off and get married in a year and have a kid as well, I'd be at least 42 years old when my kid is 10. If I'm struggling now on the basketball court, imagine what it's going to be like in 10 years time?

This is how it all ends...(Erica)

So last week I came up with a plan to try to get my money back. I'd tell Erica that my friend could lend her $50k if he could win the Hui, and the only way he could do that was with some help from her - $10k. I figured getting $10k back wouldn't be bad.

So I messaged her and in an instant she became interested. She said she'd work hard to pay it back.

Yeah right.

Obviously by now I had lost all interest and was just trying to get my money back. But as expected, things went to shit when she realised she had to put out money. I have come to the realisation that trying to get money out of women is harder than pulling teeth.

Anyway, we both got angry after I gave her a piece of my mind, saying how she expected the world to just give her money, and as usual, she broke up, but this time I told her to stop messaging me.

I went to sleep being angry, and woke up the next day with the first thought in my head being to demand that money back. How? I would tell her I was going to post her photos on the internet. In my half awake state, I looked up the law of blackmail on my phone. The key wording was "unwarranted demand".

Hey, this ain't unwarranted. It's MY money I'm trying to get back.

So at 5am, I shot off some messages on Kakaotalk. By late morning it had become obvious that she had blocked me, so I sent the messages on SMS. I said I realised she never loved me and that this was all a scam, and that I wanted my $25k back (I'm not even asking for all the expenses, the $2500 I first gave, and the rent of $1200) and that I had her photos. I told her she had seven days.

The next day I remembered one thing she was afraid of - immigration. So I sent off another message saying I'd dob her into immigration. Not just her, but Suri and Ash as well. I know, they are 'innocent', but if I'm going down, then everyone is going down with me.

I never got any replies, and told myself to just assume she received the messages. At that point in time, I was adamant that I'd go through with it. But as the week went past, I started getting soft, thinking about what a sad story she was, and how I should just chalk it all up to experience and let it go.

But then I think about all the times she has treated me poorly. Then I think about my loss of $26k. No. No, she can't just get away with this.

I knew I'd have time to do it today, and today was the last day anyway. I went to the courts early in the morning and did slides and ladder runs again. It was so fucking tiring. I think I still felt an inkling of the back pain that was caused by last week's slides. Sometimes I feel like I'm working twice as hard just to try to be as fit as I was when I was younger.

Finishing all that felt so good, like such an achievement. I also had time to think about my situation more calmly. I went home and drafted a letter to immigration. I then played GTA V, vacuumed, and washed the car. I then went to the gym. I came back and drafted a letter to the Korean Consular in Sydney.

I played GTA V again just so it could all sink into my subconscious where it seems to work best. Then I came back to my laptop and...

I sent both letters off.

Boring posts like these...I wish there were more

On Saturday I basically stayed at home all day playing GTA, leaving only to get some KFC for lunch to eat back home lol. I had planned to work out on the courts, but my left leg still had that cramping feeling and I decided to rest it just one more day.

On Sunday, I felt lazy again and wanted to use my cramp as an excuse not to practice. But I tested it and felt nothing. Hmmm. Anyway, I went to the courts really early, like before 8am. I had my training ladder with me and decided that I probably even wouldn't use my basketball.

I warmed up with suicides, then inter-changed between three reps of slides up and down the court and running with the training ladder. I swear it was so hard. I kept thinking during the slides "I used to do this??"

But it felt good when I finally completed them, and I didn't even have any energy left to do anything else. There was an old man doing tai-chi, and I heard him approaching me bouncing a basketball.

He's not going to ask me to play 1 on 1 is he?

He said he found the basketball and asked if I wanted it. I politely said no thanks as I already had one and he walked away. I left soon after.

It felt so good to just be out at the courts. To be out there, I felt very grateful, even with my bum knee.

And you know what, I enjoyed telling you this. I want more boring posts like these, where my life is just my routine. No gambling, no problems with Erica.

Just me.

The buck stops here...

On Thursday we played The Rock. I remember the name, but had no idea who they were. Turned out to be a team of Asians, and at first glance, I thought we could take them easy. But they had a number 25 guy who wore glasses and another guy who scored a lot for them. They could shoot threes and drive in pretty hard. It was a pretty close game. Although Alex had his usual game, I felt like Jim and I stepped up - late in the game I hit one shot and he hit two.

I also drove it, missed, got my own rebound, and passed it to Alex right in front of the basket for an easy two. The game was tied with like six seconds to go. Jim drove, threw up a weak shot, Alex got the rebound and put it back in, and we won!

I actually took myself off in the last six seconds, as I had a cramp. Part of me also didn't want to fuck things up for the team. Does that make me a coward?

I got a bit annoyed at Mike. I told him to go on for A, and he refused, saying A had just come on for him. Little did he know, that was A's plan - to come off and time it so he can come back on in crunch time. Fucking sly.

Friday
On Friday, since there weren't many of us, Mob decided to treat us to coffee at the court near us instead of having our usual Friday meeting. So her, Ben, Wongy and I headed over, only to discover that the cafe had gone!

That was unbelievable. You'd think a cafeteria in a court building would make at least a bit of money.

At lunch, I thought about the casino. It really was an option. But then in the end I decided against it and just went to get something to eat.

HOWEVER, I did end up going after work :( I thought I could go, play a bit, and come back before 7pm to change. I got lucky and won $580. That paid for the $250 I gave to Jin for her expenses, and left me $330 to spend with her on the weekend. I also gave my mom $30 to spend.

Anyway, after that I rushed back to the office, got changed and went to the gym. I tried to have a 'big' session, only to find myself exhausted and willing to give up in the middle of it. I know I haven't been going consistently over the last fortnight or so (spending too much time with Erica), but damn, was it really that hard now because of my age?

After that I went home and plated GTA V.

Saturday
Saturday morning, I drove out to get my pink slip done. In hindsight it may have been a mistake to go to someone else other than the guys next door, but without my dad here, I just didn't feel comfortable going to them.

So I found this mechanic on Gardener's Rd, and got there close to 9am when they open. I asked if he had time to do a pink slip and he said yes. He sent an employee to do it, and later came back to me and said my front two tyres were bald and needed replacing or else I couldn't get the slip.

I thought about leaving and trying someone else, as this may have been a trap. But I decided to go ahead with it anyway. They didn't have any Pirelli tyres, so I ended up getting Continentals. So not only did I lose my front two Pirelli's, I had to fork out $280 for new tyres :(

I guess what was most painful was the wait that followed. I sat there for nearly three hours. I browsed a whole day's worth of 9gag on my phone, constantly checked my facebook and the news. And I even managed to get back to John and library guy who had called me. I confirmed with library guy that I'd be at his daughter's first birthday next Saturday. And John just wanted a referral for a crim lawyer.

Also got a call, saying my mother had left her phone at the club, so I arranged to pick it up. So after my long wait and doling out the cash, I drove to the club to get my mum's phone.

I had organised to meet Erica at 6pm for dinner and movie, so had some time to kill and played GTA. I originally suggested 9pm as the movie The Conjuring started at 11:30pm, but she wanted 6pm. Guess it was one more little factor to show she liked spending time with me.

Anyway, I got there at 6pm and decided not to call. I waited for her to call so I could surprise her by showing I wasn't late and saying I was downstairs.

I waited. And I waited. And I waited. Then I got a message from her asking if we could change it tp 9pm as she had many drinks the day before. I said I was downstairs and she said she'd come down in five minutes.

After a while, she came down. I asked if she was hungry and she said no. Hmmm. So what to do? We sat in the car for a few minutes, asking out loud what we could do, since the movie started at 11:30pm and she wasn't hungry. There were fleet ships which had come in, but with her broken foot, there was no way we could get there.

Finally she asked me to start driving, so I did. I then suggested we could watch a different movie now, then have dinner later. She said ok. For some reason I wanted to drive her out to Parra so we went to the cinema out there. When we got there, the only movies showing right at that time were Gravity and Grown Ups 2. I kinda wanted to watch Gravity, but I didn't think either would be too language friendly. I suggested Gravity and she said ok.

For two tickets, it was $54. Fucking hell. I asked if she wanted popcorn and she said "of course" lol. I asked if she liked sweet or salty and she said salty. So we got a large bucket of popcorn and shared a Fanta. We made our way upstairs, and got a bit lost as the ticket was a little confusing. I was so afraid she'd get angry at me.

I actually liked the movie, but couldn't totally immerse myself into it as I was conscious about how much she'd understand of it. I think she got bored, as she later took out her phone. She even told me it was boring. Just when I was appreciating her cinema manners, she dropped the popcorn lol, reminding me of the time Mike, Mark and I did the same thing.

Even worse, after the movie she accidentally spilled the drink on the seat lol.

We left after that and I showed her some restaurants in Parra, to see if she'd want to try one of them, but she didn't fancy any, so we left. She said she wanted to go to Strathfield, and when I asked to confirm, she said no. So I decided to take us back to the city, but via Victoria Road, just to show her something new. As we neared the city she asked where we were going and I said the city, then she got upset saying she wanted to go to Strathfield.

So I ended up driving back to Starthfield. I pointed out a chicken place called TwoTwoChicken and we went there. Apparently she said there was a smell with the chicken. We sent the first two dishes back, and then she said the subsequent one smelled as well, so we just got it packed for take away and left. We went to the Korean restaurant where I had my first date with Katie and ate there.

After we left, we were walking and I was trying to put my arm around her but accidentally scratched her face with my thumb nail and she got really angry for a bit. Hmmm.

She initially wanted to go to Palm Beach, but I suggested Bondi Beach. On the way there she asked for a motel. I kinda didn't want to, because of the cost, but ended up driving around looking for one. Surprisingly most of them were full. I could only think of one more, the one in Ashfield. By now she was pretty drunk, and basically trying to undo my pants as I was driving. That was dangerous.

We found a vacancy in Ashfield and got a room there. But we had to wait for the room to be cleaned, and whilst waiting in my car, she was making out with me a lot until the guy came to tell us the room was ready.

When we got in, we used the bathroom and then had sex. This time I had condoms (I had to buy a pack from a convenience store, and the guy ripped me off by $2). We had sex without it for a bit and then I put it on later. She seems to like being on top. When we finished I fell asleep, and was woken up by my alarm the next day.

Too bad there was daylight savings, as that cut our time up by an hour. We slept for a bit more before I said we needed to check out. When she opened the door, I felt like a vampire being attached by the sun. It was sooooo bright.

I asked if she wanted to have breakfast and she said no. So I just drove her home. It was a quiet drive and I wondered if she was angry. But she seemed pretty happy when she left so I guess not.

Afterwards the gambling bug crept into my mind. I went to the casino and lost $800. I felt like shit.

I spent the rest of the day playing GTA V. In fact, I spent the whole of Monday playing GTA V as well.

On Monday (I had lost $800 again earlier in the day) night she messaged me saying she needed to pay for her credit card. I asked how much and she said $1500. Because of my heavy losses in the casino, I couldn't afford it anymore, and told her I needed to pay for my car registration and insurance (which was true). She called me selfish and told me to shut up. After reading that, I turned off my phone and went to sleep.

It felt so good to not have to worry about her messages. I told myself not to read them today. After finishing one task at work, I gave in and read it. There were 16 messages in Korean. None of them really made sense in the translator app.

After work I went to the gym, then when I came home I went to a chatroom to seek a translation of the messages. Apparently they mean:

you are having proud yourself for giving it to me
hey it is ok (negative) it is ok (negative) do not talk more
Have you given it to me in proper way ever?
You made me annoying
giving it or changing your word
then, I got it all, do not talk

Easiest make up of all time?

On Wednesday, after I asked if we could talk, Jin said Suri would talk and call me. So I waited, preparing myself to explain everything to Suri.

I know I was wrong, I shouldn't have walked out. I know she had the whole night planned for me.

BUT, she was hitting me, asking me for money and not letting me sleep. I have already given her $25,000 and I felt insulted when she said that was nothing.

Surely she'd see it from my point of view as well then.

Anyway, I waited for a call and nothing came. Instead, she said to meet and pick her up at World Square(lucky I had a bye in basketball). So I drove there and waited, sitting in my car to be on the lookout for her. I didn't really know how to treat the situation. Was it just going to be another one where we start off cold and quiet, drive to a park, talk it out, and end up hugging and having dinner?

So I was surprised when she got in the car with Suri and Ash. Apparently we were going to go to the Tosung restaurant as originally planned. Jin acted like nothing had happened at all. I didn't know how to act. I definitely wasn't as open as I normally would've been, preferring to be quiet and scoping out the situation.

Did they know we had a fight? Was Erica too embarrassed to tell them? Or was Erica just playing all along?

As I drove, I started feeling a bit more comfortable about the situation. Jin would touch me sometimes as if nothing had happened, but the way she'd look at me said otherwise. It was a very cautious look, like "I dare you" kinda look. So I knew things weren't 100% alright.

When we got to the restaurant, things got a bit better. Although there was still no mention of what had happened, it felt like everything was ok again. We all had lots of laughs and ate and drank (except me). I brought up what we could do at Christmas as Jin had brought it up before, and I knew I'd disappoint if I didn't come up with a plan. But Ash said his family were coming up around that time, and Suri suggested we could do something (like Hunter Valley as I suggested) the day after Christmas.

As usual, Jin and Suri would go out for a smoke, leaving Ash and I alone, and he talked about the NBA so I went along with it. We did talk about our relationships a bit, and he said the thing he liked about Suri was that she didn't try to change him. I mentioned the fact that Jin would always compare me to Korean men which I didn't like.

We split the bill this time, paying $100 each. I thought maybe we could split it after this time, since I paid last time, but whatever. After that we all went outside for a smoke (except me of course) and Suri was telling Jin something, almost like lecturing her. All Ash and I could do was to guess what they were talking about.

I said I had to pay about two grand in tax, and Ash said he had a negatively geared investment property. He also said that's where he lives back in Perth with his brother, and his mother lives separately. I could now see why Suri would want to hang onto him.

After that Jin took me to the car where we got in first. After a bit of talking, she was trying to grab my wallet out of my pants. I wasn't sure if she was serious or playing, but I was refusing and there was a bit of a struggle between us. I actually wanted Suri and Ash to come and wondered where the hell they were. Finally they returned and we ended up going to Strathfield. I suggested frozen yogurt at first, but Suri said she wanted to drink first, so we went to this small restaurant on the 'other' side of the tracks.

As I walked in, a girl sitting at a table with a few guys caught my eye. I didn't think she looked familiar, but she just looked kinda attractive. After Is at down, I thought one of the guys sitting at her table looked familiar. I could only see the back of him, but it looked like the receptionist guy at the Naby brothel. I confirmed this when he got up to leave at the end of the night. I wondered if the girl worked there. There was another guy at the table, who turned out to work at the restaurant and looked like the boss judging by the watch he was wearing, and I think he looked at me a few times during the meal.

Anyway, I thought we were just going to have dessert or a drink, but they actually ordered food again. Ash said to get used to it, as they (Korean girls) just eat and eat and eat. He said he works out a lot in Perth so he can prepare for all the eating here.

At one stage, Jin looked at me and said something about us still fighting or her still being angry. I just shook her shoulder playfully and said sorry. Seemed to do the trick. And so that must've been the easiest make up of all time.

Later on, Suri went to the bathroom and Jin was trying to tell me something. I couldn't understand it and asked her to wait for Suri to come back so she could translate. When Suri came back, Suri translated and asked what I had to ask Jin. I said she wanted to tell me something, looking at Ash for confirmation, and he nodded. I was glad, as it seemed kinda like proof that I hadn't misconstructed what Jin said earlier.

Then Jin started saying something and started getting teary. All of a sudden Suri had problems talking. She was covering her mouth. At first I couldn't tell if she was laughing or crying, but she soon broke out into tears, saying she knew Jin's mother was sick, but didn't know it was terminal. That's all I (and Ash) got before she just continued balling her eyes out. Jin looked like she felt bad for starting it, but they both just started crying loudly right there in the middle of the restaurant. All Ash and I could do was hold our respective girlfriends.

Finally after a while, I went to pay, and found out Ash had actually already paid for it. Hmmm...I never saw him leave. All I had to pay was the extra bottle of soju that was ordered after Ash paid. I wonder if Ash offered to pay because I had 'lost my job'. Because if so, I'm gonna have a few haters for lying about all of this.

We hung around outside for a bit as they smoked. Suri pulled me aside and said Jin was grateful, but was not the type to express it. Now it made sense. I told her I was the same.

I drove them back to their apartment, and I had an inkling that Jin would ask me to come up. I told myself I couldn't - I had work the next day and couldn't risk not going or going late. As we neared their apartment, Jin was speaking in Korean to Suri, which resulted in Ash asking me to drop him and Suri off about a block before their apartment, as Suri wasn't feeling well and wanted to walk. Jin seemed complicit in all this so I can only guess it was some sort of plan. But Jin kept asking me to stop the car as she yelled out in Korean to Suri, but Suri kept telling us to go. We actually made it all the way back to the apartment like that lol.

When I stopped outside, Jin asked me to come up. I said I couldn't. She started getting out of the car with that 'pissed off' type of look. I stopped her and asked if she was angry and she said no. I knew she was. So I said I'd come up, mentally grumbling to myself. I knew sex was involved, but even then I didn't want to. I just wanted to get a full night's rest for work the next day.

So I parked my car across the street. She was drunk and when I tried to pull her out of the car she kept pulling me in and kissing me. Finally we went up, and it was about 1am by now. I saw that the apartment next door had their key still in the keyhole, so I told Jin, and she started banging on the door lol. After a while a guy opened up, looking a bit angry until he realised we were just trying to help.

When we went inside, I said to Ash I hoped he didn't mind, and he said no. I felt like an outsider. Ash turned on a movie - Now You See Me - and I actually wanted to watch it, but Jin was falling all over me and drinking. She spilt some on me and the couch and I said "oh no no!" and Suri told me that I sound boring when I say that. I said Jin got some on the couch and Suri said not to worry about it.

Later Jin fell on top of me, slapping my head in the process. I joked "thank you, please give me more" and Ash gave me a weird look, and I said Suri told me to.

Later on Jin wanted me to go to bed, so I followed. We ended up having sex. I was very conscious of 1) not fucking up like the previous night and 2) having unprotected sex. I pulled out when the time came, and it landed on her tummy. She then did something kinda grotesque - she got some on her hand and started wiping it on me. Ummm...ewwww. I quickly got some tissue and cleaned us both up.

I wanted to go to sleep but it seemed like for the next hour or two, she kept wanting to have sex. I was over it, but she kept kissing me. I can't remember much, but I remember I went to the toilet like three times, one of which was to do a number two. I farted while having sex and she noticed it. I had to masturbate to get myself hard again for us to have sex again. At one stage I sleepily sucked on her nipple.

I knew this was every guy's dream, and even mine as well, but sometimes having sleep just beats sex.

I woke up to my alarm the next day, and careful of not to rush out the door, I hugged her, only to have her push me away in that 'leave me alone' type of way.

Good.

I kept it up as I tried to kiss her and she pushed me away again. I got dressed, then kissed her goodbye and left. I went home, had a shower and went to work.

Erica - break up number 3

Sitting at work yesterday and looking at the calendar, I guessed that it had been a week since I gambled and lost. Hmmm.

Also, I had deliberately left my phone at home as I didn't want to be distracted at work. I realised I probably check my phone every 10-15 minutes, for either facebook or shares. That's on top of the times I take it into the dunny with me,

When I got home I saw that Erica had sent me two messages, one at 1pm saying she had woken up, and one at 2pm saying she needed to pay rent tomorrow morning. I messaged back asking if I could give it to her on Wednesday night when we meet for dinner with Suri, and she said she wanted it tomorrow. I was a bit annoyed, but guessed there may have been a communication issue - when she said "Thursday" I think she meant Tuesday.

Anyway, I had decided that if I was going to give her the money, there was no point umm-ing and ahh-ing about it and I might as well do it confidently. So I told her not to worry and that I'd give it to her the next day.

This was despite the fact that I did not want to re-draw on my loan anymore and wanted to withdraw it from my savings. Problem is, if I want to do that, I wouldn't get it in time the next day. So I had also decided that I'd try to win it at...yep, you guessed it, the casino.

By now I was already dressed and headed to my car. I realised I needed this win badly for several reasons:

1. Well, to not lose another $800 is the first reason.

2. If I lost, I'd have to re-draw on the loan account.

3. If I lost, I'd have to go during lunch the next day to meet with her, which meant changing into casual gear (which may arouse some suspicions in the office) and also come up with an excuse to tell her why I have to go after giving her the money.

4. You are betting with her rent money. I mean, that's basic survival money.

"Come on man, I just need to win $400" I told myself.

I withdrew $800 on the way there, but also she had texted me, asking what I was doing. I was nearing the casino when she called as I didn't reply. I decided to answer, and she asked me what I was doing. I said I was going to see a friend for a drink/coffee. She asked if I could come see her in 20 minutes as Suri was with her family in Canberra and she had the place to herself.

Oh my god, a booty call!

I had to decide - that or casino? Even though I told myself not to expect sex. She said she wanted to drink.

I decided I could do the casino quickly - get in and get out, and told her I'd call her in 20 minutes. She said to hurry, and that if I was any later then I should forget about it. So after parking my car, I basically ran all the way to the casino. I found a $10 table and bought $800 worth of coloured chips. I bet 10 chips first go and lost. Then the second go I bet 20 chips and got 35 back.

A spin or two later, I decided that this dealer was betting fairly evenly in terms of sector distribution, so I bet on my favourite sector. She called "no more bets" rather early and I ended up scrambling to put my chips down. I actually wasn't sure where my chips were placed, all I knew was that it was my sector.

Then it landed on...22.

Oh my god. How many do I have on 22???

I had two straight ups and one split. I was now up $680. I decided that was it, and cashed in. I raced back to my car, and Jin was now furiously calling me phone. I answered and she was pissed off. I said I was there but looking for parking. When I got there, luckily parking was ok and I ran towards her apartment and said I was there. She asked me to get something for her from the grocery store but I couldn't make out what. She asked me to put the staff on, so I gave my phone to the lady and turned out she wanted toilet paper and gas cans for the hot pot stove thing.

Then there was a bit of an issue with getting in as well. I needed a swipe card to get to her level and she said I didn't. So she got pissed at me about that too. She came down in the lift to get me and we went up. The place looked similar to her old apartment in terms of lay out, but this was much more homely.

I saw she had set up the Korean bbq thing and had some food already cooked. I sat down and started eating with her. She also made me drink soju, and made me do it in shots. The first few times I couldn't but then I later I managed (through force from her).

I was starting to feel that alcoholic headache coming on and wanted to stop, but she kept going. I even pretended to check out the house with my glass and poured some into the sink while she wasn't looking. She did suspect the same, as when she saw my half empty glass she asked if I had thrown it over the verandah lol.

Later on she brought out a bottle of tequila and I refused to drink it. She insisted, I took a very small sip, found it disgusting and told her no more. Then she brought out some Korean rice wine which seemed equally disgusting, but she made me do a glass of that.

By now I was pretty fucked. I wanted to go to sleep. We were sitting on the couch when she put her head in my lap and started making a phone call. She said something about a guy giving her $70,000 and then mentioned the word "boss". By the tone of their conversation, there was nothing romantic going on, so I had nothing to fear there. But then she started crying. Lots.

She ended the call later and just kept crying. I didn't know what to do but stroke her head and give her tissues. I kept asking her to tell me and she didn't say anything.

We later went to her room and I wanted to go to sleep, but we ended up kissing and had sex. We had sex for a rather long time. I told her I didn't have a condom and said I'd go get one. I didn't want to risk it again. Sometimes I think, my life could be really fucked up right now if she was pregnant. So lucky she isn't. Anyway, I knew she wouldn't do whatever I said I wanted, so she said no condom and started the line of "do you love me? Then no condom".

So I was conscious of not cumming, and the alcohol helped. She seemed to like to be on top and having her neck and breasts sucked.

After a while she got off and I wanted to sleep. I asked her if she could tell the difference between a condom and no condom and she said no. I was starting to drift off to sleep when she started talking about money. She was saying that the $5000 instalments I had given her before were not enough and only covered the interest. She said if I didn't help her now, then her debt would grow bigger and bigger. She said that was her boss on the phone earlier wanting the money.

She asked if I could give her the rest of the $15,000 in one go, and said something about helping me. Although seriously drunk and wanting to go to sleep, I was conscious enough to say no. Everytime I closed my eyes she would shine her phone into my eyes. She said "no, never?" and I didn't really know how to answer that as it was a double negative. I said yes then no, which seemed confusing, so then I said I'd give it to her when I found a job.

Now on top of shining her phone ito my eyes, she was smacking my face gently every time I closed my eyes. I was annoyed. Then she said again that the $5000 I had given her before was enough, which got me pissed off.

Why the fuck is she complaining about getting $5000 a week for free when I have given her a total of $25000 now??

So I got up, put on my underwear, went out to put on the rest of my clothes. She came out and said my name a few times. When I finally answered, she asked if I was leaving. I said yes. She asked if this was breaking up. I said I'd call her the next day. She said if I left, then we'd be finished.

I thought about it, remembering how all the times in my life when I have walked away, it hasn't been good. So I took my clothes off again and went back to bed. She now came in and told me to leave. So I got dressed again. She went into the bathroom with the door closed. I left.

She started messaging me when I was in the car. When I got home she was still messaging me about breaking up. I messaged back, but decided to just go to sleep. I messaged her this morning saying I didn't want to break up. Ten minutes later she sent me a barrage of Korean text.

I left my phone at home today as well, so when I got home after work, I texted her asking if she wanted to come out for dinner. She read the messages and no reply. I called and she deliberately rejected my calls.

So that is where we're at folks.