Scumbag brain
It was only earlier today at work that I was trying to figure out how I could bypass facebook's requirement to provide a mobile phone number when creating a new account, so I could create one in Jin's name and hope to have people she knows contact me so I could expose her.
Now, some hours and some GTA play later, I've gone back into 'soft' mode, wanting to get back with her. I wonder, why does the brain do this? Despite all the logical, rational, and sensible reasons I have to stay away from her (such as telling me to shut up, constantly being a money drainer, our polar opposites in terms of smoking and drinking), my mind keeps reminding me of all the good times we had together. What survival purpose does this function of my brain serve? Would it not be better off searching for a more suitable partner?
I know she's blocked me on Kakaotalk, but in an odd twist of reasoning, it's made me message her even more. Because I know she doesn't receive it, it's kinda like confessing your love to a person in a coma. How romantic.
I texted her "why must we fight?" and "we were so happy when we started". Which is true. I keep thinking back to our first date, and how innocent it all was. I wonder now, did she have money in her mind then? Was this all just an elaborate plan to get my money? Or was there at least some genuine feeling at least at some stage of our so called relationship?
Why am I even thinking about this, when I should be thinking about how best to get rid of that $29k debt. I already sold TEN shares last week because it had been going nowhere for a while, so I figured I might as well get back that $260 to either pay for my upcoming phone bill or reduce the loan by a bit.
On a random note, yesterday after gym at the Wick, I was walking to the car park and heard this father yell at his two kids not to run out to the car park. I looked and realised why he yelled so loud - because he was physically too slow to catch up with them.
That made me realise - I am now 31. Even if the best case scenario comes true where I meet the girl of my dreams tomorrow and we hit it off and get married in a year and have a kid as well, I'd be at least 42 years old when my kid is 10. If I'm struggling now on the basketball court, imagine what it's going to be like in 10 years time?
Now, some hours and some GTA play later, I've gone back into 'soft' mode, wanting to get back with her. I wonder, why does the brain do this? Despite all the logical, rational, and sensible reasons I have to stay away from her (such as telling me to shut up, constantly being a money drainer, our polar opposites in terms of smoking and drinking), my mind keeps reminding me of all the good times we had together. What survival purpose does this function of my brain serve? Would it not be better off searching for a more suitable partner?
I know she's blocked me on Kakaotalk, but in an odd twist of reasoning, it's made me message her even more. Because I know she doesn't receive it, it's kinda like confessing your love to a person in a coma. How romantic.
I texted her "why must we fight?" and "we were so happy when we started". Which is true. I keep thinking back to our first date, and how innocent it all was. I wonder now, did she have money in her mind then? Was this all just an elaborate plan to get my money? Or was there at least some genuine feeling at least at some stage of our so called relationship?
Why am I even thinking about this, when I should be thinking about how best to get rid of that $29k debt. I already sold TEN shares last week because it had been going nowhere for a while, so I figured I might as well get back that $260 to either pay for my upcoming phone bill or reduce the loan by a bit.
On a random note, yesterday after gym at the Wick, I was walking to the car park and heard this father yell at his two kids not to run out to the car park. I looked and realised why he yelled so loud - because he was physically too slow to catch up with them.
That made me realise - I am now 31. Even if the best case scenario comes true where I meet the girl of my dreams tomorrow and we hit it off and get married in a year and have a kid as well, I'd be at least 42 years old when my kid is 10. If I'm struggling now on the basketball court, imagine what it's going to be like in 10 years time?
posted by toey | 23:30
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