The decision to help Erica...

So since Friday morning, all of Saturday and all of today I have been thinking about Erica. Specifically about her asking me for a visa.

Yesterday I caught a bus out to work and finished off a minute, and today we had our first Kainan game in the new Sunday season. To my surprise we won by about 12 points. Alex had a monster game. For me, it was kinda dull. Maybe it was because Erica was on my mind. Or maybe it was because I'm just getting old and am a veteran just trying to go through the motions.

I scored three points, on a jumper and a free throw when they fouled me in the last minute. I actually had four free throws, and missed three of them. One of them rested on the ring for so long it had the crowd go "ooo".

Anyway, back to Erica. I think I've decided to help her. First, I'll go through the reasons not to help her:

1. I fear she may not truly like me and is just using me for a visa to stay here.

2. I am 30 now. If I spend my next year or two with her, I'll be 32. Things will probably be over, and then I'll have to start again. Not a good prospect when I want to start a family. Now is the time to be looking.

3. I don't want to live with a prostitute who comes home at 2am everyday.

4. I would like to stay home till my cats pass away.

They seem like pretty strong reasons. So why then, should I help her?

1. It ultimately comes down to whether I think she is using me or not. In asking this, I ask myself, are feelings involved on her part? It's hard to resist any answer other than 'yes'. I keep coming back to that birthday night when she got drunk and went bat shit crazy. That wasn't an act. That was true, raw (albeit nasty) emotions involved. I have gotten her emotionally attached. She may not love me, but she likes me.

I also think a lot about how we slept that night. Could she really have faked that whole night? I read that your sleeping position cannot be faked. Sleeping is when we are at our most vulnerable and honest. If she faked it, does that mean she was awake that whole night, holding me? Could you really lay there wide awake the whole night holding someone you don't like? If she was asleep, then I give great weight to her body language. We held each other for the whole night. When I turned around, she held onto me.

2. I have been single for too long. I need to present a more 'stable' impression of myself for work, and other people.

The only caveat I should put is my current emotional state. We haven't texted each other since Friday morning, except for her game invite, my photos, and I sent her a game invite earlier tonight, which she has read. I feel like she's "ignoring" me, because I've pulled away from the visa thing, that maybe she feels this is the end. However, that's just how I felt yesterday, and I shouldn't be imposing my feelings onto her. It's possible that I'm doing this out of insecurity.

So that's it really, the strongest reason I have for doing this is because I believe she truly likes me.

So now, for the practical aspects of it. How does it work?

I won't marry her. I still consider marriage to be sacred and something that can never be broken, so I will not marry her. I know this will end in a year or two. But I will be her de facto to support her for her visa application. The thing is, you have to have been in a de facto relationship (ie. live together) for 12 months prior. Given that she leaves in June, this will be a bit hard.

In any case, I have decided to help.