Tired of it...

On Saturday night I was thinking of messaging Erica. However, in the back of my mind, I knew I was going to gamble the next day, and just in case anything worked out with her, I didn't want to, according to myself, gamble and have her at the same time. So, I delayed her for a day and chose gambling (and you know the rest, as stated in previous post).

So last night after a financially safe trip from the casino, I messaged her on the app - "hey hey :)" at 22:30.

I kept checking the app from then on until I slept, and nothing. It showed she was last on at 22:25.

I was pretty sure she had received the message and decided not to reply. You can do so by going online, waiting for the message to be received, then going offline and reading the message, and the app won't record you as having been online.

For some reason I woke up at 1am and couldn't sleep until 3am. It was probably because I took a nap in the afternoon. But this was the second day in a row and it got real annoying as I had work the next day.

Waking up, I checked the app and still no new message. To down my mood even more, there was no sign of walking chick. Had I scared her away by wearing glasses?

When I got to the office, I ran for the lift and the really skinny girl Evelyn was in it. She looked like she said hi or something but I had my music on, and then I paused it. She asked "I take it you played basketball?" I told her I walk to work. That was the first time I'd spoken to her. I know she's married. Funny how taken people are so much more open than singles.

By the time I got into my office, I checked my phone again and still no message. She was definitely ignoring me. In the past she would've replied in the morning.

Oh well, guess another one bites the dust.

At gym tonight, as I rested between sets, I thought about how years ago, this would've made me depressed enough to not like another girl for the next two years. Now, I was getting used to rejection. Not de-sensitised like Keen, but getting used to it. I wondered where the balance laid.

It really made me sad. I don't know what it is about me. However, part of me feels kinda glad. I wasn't 100% interested in her, and now I'm thinking I may be better off, to spend my money and time on myself rather than someone of her calibre (she was probably 5/10).

I'm also tired of this 'game', where I go meet them, pay for dinner, and then have them deal awkwardly with having to reject me. Some outright ignore me (Jessica), some pretend to act nice (Erica). But the truth is, look at their actions - it speaks louder than words.

Erica did message me after work, but it was just "i slept early last night lol".

I mean, what the hell is that? There's not even a question or asking me how I am. So I didn't reply. I don't need any more confirmation of rejection. If she was interested, she would've replied sooner. Can a man get rejected and keep his pride? I've already decided to keep what is left by not replying.

Again, just getting tired of it...