First day of being 30 a dud / Joanne

After last night, I decided to sleep in today and so went without the alarm. Despite that, my plan was to go into the office to get some work done, and then go see June.

I woke up at around 8am and left home at 9ish. I caught the bus because I didn't want to waste any time, and was so focussed on getting work done that by the time I had started digging into my matter in the office, I realised I hadn't had breakfast yet.

I went out to Breadtop to get something to eat, and then returned to the office. I had planned to see June at 1pm, since last time she said she started at 1pm, so I assumed that was her regular time. But work was taking longer than I had expected. It was getting to 1pm and I still hadn't finished. I was tempted to just leave it there for the time being, or consider coming back after I saw June, but I had momentum and felt like finishing it, so worked on till 1:40pm when I finally finished it and sent it off to the cop.

I called the shop and asked if June was working today. The voice sounded familiar, like the usual guy I always used to see in the Naby days. He paused, making me think that he didn't understand what I had said, then told me she was starting at 8pm.

8pm?!?!


I couldn't wait that long. I decided to go anyway to see who else was there. I briefly considered going to another shop closer by, but then reminded myself that their service isn't as good. What happened to the 'loyalty' to June, you say? Out the window I suppose. And I can always see her next week.

But because there was so much time, I didn't know what to do. I mean, I didn't really want to see their 'morning' line up, in case it was bad. I wanted to go at 3pm when their 3pm shifts arrived. I guess I could've stayed to do work, but while working earlier, I had been so looking forward to this, and now didn't want to disappoint myself.

So, I decided to just walk there instead of catching the bus. I actually enjoyed the walk, telling myself it was good exercise and it saved me a bus trip. I wouldn't be walking back though, no way.

Despite walking there, I still hadn't committed myself to the idea 100%. Part of me didn't want to part with the cash. Part of me wondered if I'd be seen by people from work. And that was when I realised the stupidity of walking there - Nunjo lived in the area and walking along the main street just exposed myself that much more. In fact, I actually saw Suzanne on my walk there, but guess she either didn't see me or pretended not to. I wasn't near the shop anyway.

The other slight problem I had was that I was too early. I was nearing the shop now and it was only 2:30pm. Damn my fast walking pace.

So I decided to take a detour, going around the block so I wasn't so visible in approaching the entrance to the shop. But I was still early, so I sat down on a bench and played with my phone. I looked for photos to delete and saw one of Erica. I did feel guilty, anticipating that she may actually become my girlfriend this coming Friday, but I swept away any mushy mushy thoughts by reasoning that she didn't even send me a happy birthday message, so she couldn't be that interested.

When 2:55pm rolled around, I made my way to the shop. Just as I had guessed, it was the regular guy from the Naby days. He gave me a smile as he let me in. He showed me to the first room on the left and I sat down. I was shown three girls. None of which I had seen before and none looked particularly appealing. This place is really going down the drains, I thought.

I was going to pick the one on my left, but when they walked out, I caught a glimpse of the side of the middle one and thought she had a cute face, so I picked her.

I was later asked to come out where she stood waiting for me. It was a good choice, I told myself, because she was really cute. She was the girl next door type, with really cute Jennifer Love-Hewitt type eyes. What's more, when we undressed and I got a better look at her body in the shower, she had a slim body with small perky breasts which I liked. I really like it when the girls stay away from breast implants.

She seemed a bit distant at first, but I think throughout the shower I got through to her a bit, by asking her about herself and showing I knew a few Korean words.

The standard service followed, which was only pre-empted by her not being able to find any condoms and having to go out to get some. When she returned, it seemed like she was in a rush to finish. I almost thought she must've been mistakenly thinking it was a half hour session instead of a full hour.

Her kisses on my back were short, and when I turned around, her going down on me with the ice and tea was short. When she got on top of me, I thought she was so sexy I nearly came there and then but told myself to hold it. She soon asked to switch and I got on top.

I started kissing her breasts but her moans seemed fake. I wanted to touch her down there but she said no. She also said not to use my teeth when I sucked on her nipples. I didn't think I did but whatever.

Then came time for penetration and...I found myself going soft. I kept sucking her breasts and she tried to put me inside her but it wouldn't work. I laid down and she started masturbating me with her hand until I was hard again and I got on top again. Then...I went soft again.

What the hell?!


I felt so embarrassed. I had no idea what the fuck was going on. Why was this happening to me? Did my clock really tick over that much when I turned 30?

She asked "hand job?" and I said yes, so I laid down and she finished me with her hand. As I sat there feeling like a total useless tool, I also felt old. I was 30, and she looked 23-24. It only made me feel worse when I asked her if she had a boyfriend, as if I was cracking onto her. I just felt...sad.

She wrapped a towel around herself and sat on the bed and smoked and talked. She said she has been here for a year. She said she didn't have a boyfriend. I said a lot of guys must want to be her boyfriend (that really made me feel old and sleazy) and she said she didn't feel it. She said she started smoking about four years ago and her parents don't know about it. She said she works three days a week and studies. She said she plans to stay for one more year. She said she always works Saturdays. I wondered if she knew Naby. I told her I used to come to this shop a long time ago, but didn't mention any names. She asked me what I did for work and I asked her to guess, which meant I never told her. She asked my age and I said 30 and that my birthday was yesterday, and she said happy birthday. She said she lives with some of the girls in the shop, and I didn't ask who, in case it was Amy/June.

Her buzzer rang at three different times, and on the third I went to get a shower. As hot as she was, I had pretty much decided not to see her again. Not only did I feel embarrassed about the whole erection thing, but I just got the feel that there'd be no way she'd be interested in me. From experience, it's always better to choose someone who likes you rather than someone you find hot. All of a sudden I wished I had spent my money on June, who would at least cuddle with me afterwards.

When I got changed I saw that her number was 63. I said I'd try to remember it.

I walked out of the shop and went around the back block again to avoid being seen near it. I went to this chicken shop that Dunnycan had showed me years ago. I intended to get a piece of chicken but ended up getting a chicken roll with gravy, which I ate as I walked back.

I can't believe I actually walked back to the city. That was a lot of walking all up. But after finishing the roll, I didn't feel satisfied. I felt a craving for fried chicken, so I went to KFC.

When I went in, I lined up behind this Aboriginal couple. They appeared to be a bit drunk, and were obviously on the rough side. There was one other line to my left but that appeared to take a bit of time. The couple in front of me kinda disgusted me and I wanted to walk off. Then the other line freed up and I was served.

A girl serving the couple brought their food to them, and the lady asked for her change. The girl said she already gave her the change, but the lady raised her voice and said she didn't. The girl who served me called the manager, and the manager just gave the couple their change.

I sat down to eat, and by now I was regretting it as the six wicked wings kinda looked disgusting. I'm sure the couple put me off. Anyway, a man who sat on the other side of the diner finished eating and went to the counter. It looked like the girl who served me was telling off the girl who served the couple. The guy said he saw the whole thing and that the girl had indeed already given the change. The girl who served me asked why he didn't say that earlier, and he said "hey I'm not going to get involved with people like that" and walked off. I wondered if he was a coward or if he was standing up.

Anyway, as I ate, I felt sad about myself. Maybe it had to do with the erection issue earlier, but I also felt a blanket of loneliness come over me. I wondered what I was doing - 30 and still single, seeing prostitutes, hoping for more. Why couldn't I just accept Erica and hope for a family?

As I walked back to the office, I saw a man playing with his toddler, which made me smile. I wished I was him.