Now suddenly gambling is all ok again

Want an insight into how this disease latches onto your brain and starts reasoning with you?

Today I was in the office as usual. My dad asked for $100 to fix the car window button, as G found it was broken on Saturday, and I really wanted it fixed. Problem was, I didn't have enough in my everyday transactions account, so my plan was to transfer it from my Ubank account. But that required a SMS to be sent to my phone - my old phone - which I had left at home.

Now, I had two options. One was to take the bus home, get my phone and come back. Two, was to gamble and try to win it. I held the microwavable congee that Lina gave me, and was determined not to gamble. I told myself I needed every spare cent I could have access to for the purpose of flying to Korea with her.

So, go home it was. Then I thought about my hearing next week, and how one of the witnesses was served with the summons yesterday. Was he secretly waiting outside for me? God, can't let him see me go to the casino. That's one more reason not to gamble. But wait a minute, if he was outside, and I went home, then wouldn't he find out where I lived?

Can't go home then, no.

And so, off to the casino it was. Never mind the fact that I was going to use $2000 to try to win $100. I told myself that I would bet my usual way and that anything above $100 would be a bonus. I figured I'd only buy $1900 worth of chips, so if I did lose, I'd still have $100 for the car.

Of course, it'd be easier if you just withdrew $100 (instead of $2000) from your personal loan.

Nah.

I headed off to the casino, withdrawing $2000 on the way. I managed to find a table occupied by what looked like two guys. I joined them and bought $1800 worth of chips. I scanned the recent spins result and noticed it was predominantly 1-2 sector, with the occasional 0-3 sector. Perfect, just as according to statistical averages.

After getting my chips, I sat out the first spin. It was a good decision, because it landed in the 0-3 sector. I played the next spin and lost. I played the spin after that, and lost. Unbelievably, it landed on 18 - people had chips on every single number except that number.

I began to panic.

You're not serious are you? You spin 1-2 sector all the time but when I come to the table now, you spin the 0-3 sector three times in a row???

I decided to stick with it, and won on the next spin. I counted my chips and was slightly down. I bet again and won. Now I was up a bit more than $100.

I sat out the next few spins as I started thinking.

This is what you came here for right? Why not leave now?

Lucky too, because the spins I sat out landed in the 0-3 sector. By now I was confident again that it'd land in the 1-2 sector, so I bet. And won.

I was now up $1080. I cashed in and left. My lunch hour was up anyway. I walked back to the bank to deposit my money.

I know this is strange, and it completely doesn't make sense, but leaving with a win makes you feel like a winner. All of a sudden my world wasn't so dark. I started thinking maybe I could do this once a week. Maybe I could pay back my loan by doing this. Maybe I could buy an Audi doing this. Maybe I could actually get rich doing this.

The money would pay for not only the car, but also the hotel night I have booked to spend with Lina. And I still got change left over.

Now, it seems like gambling isn't so bad after all.

/gambler's mentality.