End of three day hearing

Wow, haven't blogged in a while. A few things have been going on.

Lina
Last Wednesday, I messaged Lina:

"When is your next say off?
I want to take you to fish market :D
Next day off"

She replied:
"I go to Melbourn
This week
Saturday
Come back next Tuesday"

I then said:
":(
I will miss you
Can we go out after Tuesday?"

She said:
"I miss u too
......
Next Tuesday?"

I said:
"Next Tuesday is good
After 5pm?
What time you come back on Tuesday?"

From then on, she had not read my latest messages. At first I thought it was just taking longer than usual. But then after a day or two, it became obvious to me that she just didn't want to read it. To be honest, I didn't feel too annoyed about it. I guess I had expected this all along. Why do I say that? Because:

1. I guess I had used Lina as a 'bandaid' for Jin. After the whole Jin thing, I went on a tear, both emotionally and financially, and I needed something stable to hold onto just for a while, at least for the time being when I needed to prepare and conduct my hearing at work. I knew this would end, but...just...not...right...now.

2. It seemed almost too good to be true, in the sense that, this 'relationship' developed much more differently than the one with Jin. I know everyone is different, but it just seems to me that this thing with Lina, we dove into it a bit too fast. Almost like we were both looking for someone long term and just decided it, almost skipping the initial romance part. It was kinda just like, we met, and said "yep, you'll do" and we went from there.

3. Although my initial comparions of Jin and Lina favoured Lina, I soon realised that at the very least, Jin never requested high class hotels. Hell, she was happy to just go to a cheap motel. Lina, on the other hand, seems to have a taste for the finer things in life. She didn't want Ibis as it seemed like a "back packer's hotel". She asked for the Hilton. Her lingerie is classier. Looking back, maybe Jin wasn't as demanding?

I guess I would describe my reaction as 'docile'. I was just content to let it go. I could see the bright side, namely, I'd save a lot of money and could recover. I didn't even feel the need to go to brothels anymore.

But a small part of me did start to wonder what made Lina want to end it. Was I being too clingy? Did I show too much interest? Was she expecting me to visit her at work again, and now that she realises I won't, she knows she won't make any money from me and thus wants nothing more to do with me? Then what about introducing me to her friends? I guess she could always bring a new guy to introduce to them and they wouldn't say anything. Why would she break it off like this? Was she just too nice? Did she not know how to end it? Was she trying to absolve herself of all blame like Luna?

However, that 'small part' of me started growing, and eventually exposed itself today after I finally finished my hearing. So at work today, I messaged her, asking if she was ok. She responded later on, saying she was still in Melbourne, coming back tonight. I asked her if she wanted dinner and she said she'd be too tired, so I said we could meet next time. Oh well, guess it's still on.

Hearing
My hearing started last Wednesday. Seriously, although I had read the brief, I wasn't too sure about the way I prepared for it. Even on the morning of it, as I walked to work, I felt like I knew nothing, and that I was ready to succumb to an utterly embarrassing performance. A small part of me told myself to be confident, but mostly I was too scared. My fear was almost unbearable.

Surprisingly, the first day turned out ok. A good warm up was doing the witness' wife first. Then when it came to the main witness, the areas of cross-examination were broken down into areas for each part of the hearing - first the false information that finished off the day, then showing all the emails on Thursday. By then, I was feeling pretty comfortable on my feet.

At the end of Wednesday I was excited. At the end of Thursday I was exhausted. I was sick of him, and he was sick of me. Today, it went for another hour and a half, and we finally finished. Can't say today was my best performance, but I was just glad I got it done. Can't believe I cross-examined someone for more than two days.

Gambling
On Thursday, after work, I went to the casino and won $960.  On Sunday morning, I went to the casino and lost $2000. I was actually up $700, but got greedy and ended up losing $2000.

To be honest, I didn't feel as panicky as that time during the bar exams. It felt like my 'docile' mood about Lina fell over into my gambling, and I was ready to accept that a loss would occur every now and then, telling myself I would make it back over time, that I just needed to be patient.

I returned home and played Last of Us Factions for a while. I got bored, and then went back to the casino. I told myself not to chase the whole $2000. Hell, I knew I shouldn't be chasing at all. But I figured if I even won $800 back, that would be good enough. I also told myself that back before when I used to play with a bankroll of $800, there would be times when I was indeed able to regain a loss, so it wasn't impossible.

When I arrived, it seemed a bit weird. Everyone seemed to be crowded on one table, so I had to pick one of the empty tables. The dealer was a guy I had seen there before, pretty sure he was a pit boss. His name was Van. When I sat down, he leaned forward and asked "can I make you rich today sir?" and I said "uh...probably not" and he let out a loud bellow. I added "I know the odds". After 'colouring up' my chips, he asked if he should spin. I told him I don't bet on every spin, and added that people will come when he spins anyway.

He spun, and sure enough, a few people came rushing over. I said to him "I told you", and he laughed, saying "you are a magnet! You are a magnet!" I won on my first spin and maybe even my second spin, but lost one here and there.

I was pretty focused and patient. I soon found myself up $1600, and told myself that was good enough, but I kept playing. After a while, there was a dealer change, and the dealer was now a brunette. I ended up winning a bit more, so not only had I gotten my $2000 back, but also made a bit more than $500. I then cashed in and left.

I was pretty happy with myself, and content with not going for a few days. So I didn't go yesterday. But I did go today after work. I got extremely lucky, winning $600 on my first spin, $600 on my second spin, and $100 on my third spin, though I did lose like $80 on a black/third column bet, and I didn't bet on every spin. I walked off with a $1400 gain and decided to get something to eat at the casino, to celebrate the win and the end of my hearing.

Probably will never eat there again. Their signs are so fucking misleading. They have these huge posters advertising a meal for $12. When I reached the cashier, I saw the fine print of the ad, saying that was the members price, and the price for non-members was $26. Fucking hell. The food wasn't that great either.

I walked off to the bank and deposited my cash.