Risking my holiday money
On Friday after work I went to the casino. I had $1600 as my bankroll, and although I was initially up $60 on my first spin, I went down from thereon. When I lost it all, I wanted to chase. I knew I shouldn't have, but I remembered that I had transferred $3000 from my other bank account to my everyday account for the trip to HK.
I ended u withdrawing $2000 from there to try to chase my losses. At first I was actually doing alright. I played colour/columns with $100 chips (once even doing $800 in one spin) and made $1100 back. I knew I should've called it a day and left, but I wanted it all back. This dealer called Alex had spun up 1-2 section like five times in a row, so I figured I'd try to smash that. Funnily enough (well, not too funny for me), when I started playing, it landed in 0-3 twice, so that was $800 gone.
Knowing I was close to losing my HK trip money was too much. I decided to leave with it, recouping only $300 of my loss. The guilt was overwhelming. I pictured myself telling everyone, including Julie, that I just didn't want to go to HK anymore. I pictured myself staying at home over the new year. I pictured myself...as a loser.
The next day, I went to Saturday morning basketball as usual. Afterwards, I went home and had a nap. Then I went out to the gym and then to night basketball with Mike and that. I felt somewhat rejuvenated and re-motivated. I wanted to put gambling behind me. Risking my holiday money was too much for me. I hated the person I had become. But there was one small issue - Julie. How could I see her again if I didn't gamble?
On Sunday I went to the bbq organised by Ele at Coogee beach. Thai was there with his family, I think his kid and wife enjoyed it more than he did. The first thing he said to me was I didn't tell him there'd be other people as well. When his wife was away, he asked if I thought her English was bad after overhearing us talk and her not understanding what I was asking. I tried to play it down, not only because I didn't want to screw up his marriage, but also because I thought about how my life would be like that had I chosen Jin.
His kid really enjoyed kicking the soccer ball, which filled me with joy. I wish I had my own kid to play sports with.
Ele introduced me to a girl called Sherry. She was ok looking I suppose, and presumably single. I spoke to her a bit, but didn't feel anything there.
I also managed to get the suit off Ele, the one her friend had bought using the staff discount. It started raining at around 2pm and so everyone dispersed. I drove Eva and Sherry to the city, then Shuing back home.
I then drove to the office and got about 90 minutes of work done, to prepare for the hearing the next two days.
The hearing went alright. It went shorter than expected. I was going to put all the messages to the witness, but at lunch, the Commish asked if I'd be longer and Wendy said I didn't need to, so that shortened it. I think I did pretty good, but I got a bit upset and argumentative with the witness lol.
Today was a shorter witness, and after it finished I felt so tired but relieved. After work I decided to go to the casino to see if Julie was there. I had $1000 in my bank account and withdrew that. I told myself to get $100 and leave, but ended up being very lucky winning $600.
I walked around and didn't see Julie. But around the card games area, I spotted Summer walking towards the staff only room where they all go for breaks. She said hello to me and I waved. She said she was "there" now and was finished now. I wasn't expecting to see her so all I could manage was "oh good". I thought about asking her for coffee since she had finished, but the fact that she had a boyfriend stopped me, and we said goodbye and parted.
I went back to the office to change, and then went to the gym. Now I'm a bit scared. Summer had said they needed six months before changing games, but here she was now at a new game. Has Julie changed games now? If yes, does that mean I will never be able to see her again? That was a scary and isolating thought.
I ended u withdrawing $2000 from there to try to chase my losses. At first I was actually doing alright. I played colour/columns with $100 chips (once even doing $800 in one spin) and made $1100 back. I knew I should've called it a day and left, but I wanted it all back. This dealer called Alex had spun up 1-2 section like five times in a row, so I figured I'd try to smash that. Funnily enough (well, not too funny for me), when I started playing, it landed in 0-3 twice, so that was $800 gone.
Knowing I was close to losing my HK trip money was too much. I decided to leave with it, recouping only $300 of my loss. The guilt was overwhelming. I pictured myself telling everyone, including Julie, that I just didn't want to go to HK anymore. I pictured myself staying at home over the new year. I pictured myself...as a loser.
The next day, I went to Saturday morning basketball as usual. Afterwards, I went home and had a nap. Then I went out to the gym and then to night basketball with Mike and that. I felt somewhat rejuvenated and re-motivated. I wanted to put gambling behind me. Risking my holiday money was too much for me. I hated the person I had become. But there was one small issue - Julie. How could I see her again if I didn't gamble?
On Sunday I went to the bbq organised by Ele at Coogee beach. Thai was there with his family, I think his kid and wife enjoyed it more than he did. The first thing he said to me was I didn't tell him there'd be other people as well. When his wife was away, he asked if I thought her English was bad after overhearing us talk and her not understanding what I was asking. I tried to play it down, not only because I didn't want to screw up his marriage, but also because I thought about how my life would be like that had I chosen Jin.
His kid really enjoyed kicking the soccer ball, which filled me with joy. I wish I had my own kid to play sports with.
Ele introduced me to a girl called Sherry. She was ok looking I suppose, and presumably single. I spoke to her a bit, but didn't feel anything there.
I also managed to get the suit off Ele, the one her friend had bought using the staff discount. It started raining at around 2pm and so everyone dispersed. I drove Eva and Sherry to the city, then Shuing back home.
I then drove to the office and got about 90 minutes of work done, to prepare for the hearing the next two days.
The hearing went alright. It went shorter than expected. I was going to put all the messages to the witness, but at lunch, the Commish asked if I'd be longer and Wendy said I didn't need to, so that shortened it. I think I did pretty good, but I got a bit upset and argumentative with the witness lol.
Today was a shorter witness, and after it finished I felt so tired but relieved. After work I decided to go to the casino to see if Julie was there. I had $1000 in my bank account and withdrew that. I told myself to get $100 and leave, but ended up being very lucky winning $600.
I walked around and didn't see Julie. But around the card games area, I spotted Summer walking towards the staff only room where they all go for breaks. She said hello to me and I waved. She said she was "there" now and was finished now. I wasn't expecting to see her so all I could manage was "oh good". I thought about asking her for coffee since she had finished, but the fact that she had a boyfriend stopped me, and we said goodbye and parted.
I went back to the office to change, and then went to the gym. Now I'm a bit scared. Summer had said they needed six months before changing games, but here she was now at a new game. Has Julie changed games now? If yes, does that mean I will never be able to see her again? That was a scary and isolating thought.
posted by toey | 21:34
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