The final nail in the coffin...
I woke up early on Saturday morning, not really sure why. I don't think it had anything to do with the gambling bug, but once I was awake, that thought did occur to me. So I found myself transferring $2,000 out of my personal loan account to my everyday transaction account, and withdrawing it at an ATM on the drive there.
As bad as it sounds, I inhaled the morning casino air like a drug. There's something to be said for the combination of the casino air conditioning and (maybe because I'm a morning person) the scent of morning freshness, ala the scenery and atmosphere of the casino when everyone is either wide awake or sleep deprived.
I knew if I lost $2,000, I'd feel like ABSOLUTE SHIT during basketball later that morning. But I risked it anyway.
I was disappointed to see only one $10 table open and one $5 table open. The dealer was talking to the pit boss so I walked around looking for another table. None. I returned, and put down $1200 for chips. I only had time to place out one stack on the first spin, which turned out to be a good thing as I lost.
On the next spin I bet on the 0 sector and won. I went again and won. By now I was up by more than $600 and hesitating, as I didn't want to lose it back. I played with the 'change' and won, then lost, before cashing it in. I walked to the cashier counting my chips, not really able to believe my luck. As I walked back to my car, I knew my luck would run out sooner or later, and told myself not to come back.
I went to deposit the cash, returned home, got changed and went to bball. Had a good run, but seemed shorter than I would've liked. Also, maybe it's just a mental thing, but I felt like I got tired quicker than usual, although I did do a lot of running. Before the last game, we were sorting out our positions, and I joked "I really have no choice" and then that Paul guy said "we need you to run". And so I did. Almost every time the other team shot, I ran up ahead. Half of those times my team threw it up to me. Why can't my own team do this? Beats me.
When I got home I felt so tired. I had a shower and got something to eat, before lying down on the bed. It felt so good. I ended up having a bit of a nap. When I woke up, I found my left thigh cramping like hell. I literally could not move, and was pretty close to screaming. I guess I was lacking water. Or sugar. Or salt.
I made my way to the library and got a decent amount of study done.
At night, I found myself outside a shop Jin may have been working at in Marrickville. I initially wanted to find a place to cry, but found myself here. I felt some anger, deriving pleasure in seeing how the place was not frequented by many. For those who did come, I felt more anger, wanting to scratch their cars with my keys while they were inside.
Today
This morning, I went out to the office to try to get some study done, but could not get past the stupid security. Hope I'm not spoken to tomorrow about any break in attempts.
I ended up going to study at UTS. I found myself getting into a real good flow, and was definitely the most productive study session I have ever had. I also found my mind was beginning to drift away from the obsession with Jin - was it because of study, or because of Lina? I don't know.
Then around 12:30pm there was a stupid fire alarm. I decided to sit it out until some security idiot asked everyone to evacuate, only to tell us we could go back in when I made my way to the exit.
Since I had packed, and I was a little hungry, I decided to go for lunch at Market City. Those soupy noodles at Happy Chef are always so good.
I thought I would feel lazy after eating, but I surprised myself by keeping up the study momentum when I returned. I even pushed myself to finish re-writing all my notes, and finished at about 4:30pm. I went home and played GTA for a bit.
And also, just moments, I sent an email to the Korean police about Jin's situation. For me, it is the final nail in the coffin. I am ready to leave this behind...
As bad as it sounds, I inhaled the morning casino air like a drug. There's something to be said for the combination of the casino air conditioning and (maybe because I'm a morning person) the scent of morning freshness, ala the scenery and atmosphere of the casino when everyone is either wide awake or sleep deprived.
I knew if I lost $2,000, I'd feel like ABSOLUTE SHIT during basketball later that morning. But I risked it anyway.
I was disappointed to see only one $10 table open and one $5 table open. The dealer was talking to the pit boss so I walked around looking for another table. None. I returned, and put down $1200 for chips. I only had time to place out one stack on the first spin, which turned out to be a good thing as I lost.
On the next spin I bet on the 0 sector and won. I went again and won. By now I was up by more than $600 and hesitating, as I didn't want to lose it back. I played with the 'change' and won, then lost, before cashing it in. I walked to the cashier counting my chips, not really able to believe my luck. As I walked back to my car, I knew my luck would run out sooner or later, and told myself not to come back.
I went to deposit the cash, returned home, got changed and went to bball. Had a good run, but seemed shorter than I would've liked. Also, maybe it's just a mental thing, but I felt like I got tired quicker than usual, although I did do a lot of running. Before the last game, we were sorting out our positions, and I joked "I really have no choice" and then that Paul guy said "we need you to run". And so I did. Almost every time the other team shot, I ran up ahead. Half of those times my team threw it up to me. Why can't my own team do this? Beats me.
When I got home I felt so tired. I had a shower and got something to eat, before lying down on the bed. It felt so good. I ended up having a bit of a nap. When I woke up, I found my left thigh cramping like hell. I literally could not move, and was pretty close to screaming. I guess I was lacking water. Or sugar. Or salt.
I made my way to the library and got a decent amount of study done.
At night, I found myself outside a shop Jin may have been working at in Marrickville. I initially wanted to find a place to cry, but found myself here. I felt some anger, deriving pleasure in seeing how the place was not frequented by many. For those who did come, I felt more anger, wanting to scratch their cars with my keys while they were inside.
Today
This morning, I went out to the office to try to get some study done, but could not get past the stupid security. Hope I'm not spoken to tomorrow about any break in attempts.
I ended up going to study at UTS. I found myself getting into a real good flow, and was definitely the most productive study session I have ever had. I also found my mind was beginning to drift away from the obsession with Jin - was it because of study, or because of Lina? I don't know.
Then around 12:30pm there was a stupid fire alarm. I decided to sit it out until some security idiot asked everyone to evacuate, only to tell us we could go back in when I made my way to the exit.
Since I had packed, and I was a little hungry, I decided to go for lunch at Market City. Those soupy noodles at Happy Chef are always so good.
I thought I would feel lazy after eating, but I surprised myself by keeping up the study momentum when I returned. I even pushed myself to finish re-writing all my notes, and finished at about 4:30pm. I went home and played GTA for a bit.
And also, just moments, I sent an email to the Korean police about Jin's situation. For me, it is the final nail in the coffin. I am ready to leave this behind...
posted by toey | 21:16
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