Happy birthday Jin...

I knew her birthday was coming up and never planned to message her. But when I woke up this morning and checked my phone, I saw she had changed her status:

우울증인게냐..말하기도 실타..다실타..

I quickly translated it and it said something like "are you depressed? I don't even wanna talk. I hate everything".

All of a sudden I felt sorry for her. All this time, as part of my 'everyone's grass is greener than mine' mindset, I thought she was having all this fun without me. Maybe not. So I texted her "Happy birthday Jin..." and turned my phone off and went to work.

During the day, I wondered if she'd reply. Probably not. But I guess it was wishful thinking that she would say "thanks..." and we could take it from there. I'd ask "how have you been?" and then she'd reply, and maybe we could slowly get to meeting for a coffee.

Bro, she lied to you about the money...

I know. I know!

Fuck.

At lunch I just went for a quick walk around as I was waiting on a document. When I returned to the office, I ate my lunch and then the document came. I made an appointment for an SD and saw the Judge would be RB. Wow, what are the odds, seriously. I only know of two SC Judges and last two times will be ones I know.

When Aaron and I went, RB chose to receive the documents without seeing us. I wondered if it was his usual practice, or if it had something to do with me. Did he not like me? Or did he not want anything to be seen as inappropriate?

I had been studying Ethics throughout the day, trying to summarise all the cases. By the end of the day, I had 13 more to go. I was tossing and turning between finishing them off, or going to the casino. It was a tough battle, but in the end, casino won out, and I didn't even really want to go. I didn't want to bring my personal loan debt back up to $20k.

But I withdrew $2,000 and went. I played on a table with only one Asian man playing colour. I lost the first spin, which was ouch. Then sat out a whole lot of spins before there was a change in dealer. It was this talkative Asian guy. I won big on one when I bet on the 0 sector and it landed on 31. It was VERY lucky because it bounced and could've easily landed next door at 14, where I would've lost.

I won a small amount again, before losing a small amount back, and cashing in. $800 profit was plenty. This was my Lina money for Friday and an additional $300 off the loan as well.

I walked back to the office slowly. Even though I'd won, I still felt uneasy inside.

Is $800 really worth your future career at the bar?

I changed at the office, then indulged in having six wicked wings at KFC.

At home, I knew I shouldn't have, but I wanted to see what Jin was up to on her birthday. I saw three calls made to that Faruk guy, amongst other calls and messages to other girls. My mind immediately raced at 100 miles per hour. Jealousy raged, but I told myself to stay in control.

I was convinced she was interested in him. But later realised it could be anything. They could just be having a party and she was inviting him as part of the group.

I told myself, at least I have Lina now...or do I?