It's over (Victoria)

Whilst typing the last entry, Ele sent me messages, telling me to be a real man and express my feelings, and that there was no shame in being rejected. Putting aside the fact that she was now chastising me for following her advice, I knew she was right.

So I went out and called Victoria. She picked up. I apologised for earlier and she said it was ok. I explained why I did what I did, and that it was because I had something on my mind on Saturday and I apologised if I was a bit flat that day. She said she didn't seem to think so. I said I was trying to think of a way to tell her how I felt, and then finally I told her that I liked her. I told her she could do with that as she wished.

Silence.

I kept talking.

I told her I couldn't be friends with someone I liked, and that she would've guessed that I liked her. I told her I had done it before and it hurt to watch a friend get a boyfriend and then get married. I told her guys don't invite girls out one on one if they're not interested in them. I told her that when she went back to Korea and told me she needed surgery, I was worried about her. I told her she didn't reply to any of my messages so part of me assumed the worst. She said she was sorry as she didn't mean to cause me to worry. I said she didn't need to apologise as it wasn't her fault. I told her that that was when I realised I liked her.

I waited for her to say something. She said this was all a bit sudden. I said I didn't want to put pressure on her.

I tried to steer things around. I told her that I thought we had some things in common, and that we had the same values - don't smoke, drink or do drugs, and that we get along well. She agreed with those points. She said she cared about me and that I had become a good friend after all these months. She said she was sad to lose a friend.

I told her that I remembered she once told me she trusted me but felt like she didn't know me that well. I told her there were things I kept guarded, and that I was close to telling her, but I didn't want people to use it against me, not that she would.

She told me she did realise a bit on Saturday that I may have liked her. She said when I gave her the engraved pen, it was a bit personal. She said another friend gave her a pen but it wasn't engraved. I told her that it goes back to what we talked about before about the different languages of love, and that I was raised that way, and so that was my way of expressing it, by buying things.

We said goodbye, and then I hung up.