Screwed up with Victoria...
I was expecting a call from her this morning, but nothing. Why not? What had happened? What did I do? Or what didn't I do?
I had lunch with Ele, with the main purpose to talk about it. We went to the laksa place in TGV. Before I could tell her all the facts, she stopped me and said my problem was that I wasn't direct enough. She told me to be direct, and relayed the story of how her husband had just told her "you're my girlfriend".
She told me to get some flowers, and tell her - not ask - that I would be at her place at 7:30pm. At first I thought this was stupid, but after lunch Ele took me to the florist and showed me some flowers. I still thought it was a stupid idea, but somehow during the afternoon, the idea grew on me.
Yes...I could do it. Call her and let her know I just wanted to see her for a short while. I'd give her the usb back, and hide the flowers behind my back, bring it forward into sight, and ask "will you be my girlfriend?"
So after work, I went to a florist and bought a rose. Felt like a complete tool holding it on the bus. Not sure if there was a proper way of holding a rose, but pretty sure I was holding it wrong.
I went home to get the car and drove off to Bondi. I went past her house and at first thought there was no one home, but then saw the lights upstairs were on. I drove to the shopping centre to buy a bus ticket whilst waiting for her to call back. She had in fact called back whilst I was on the bus, but I didn't want to talk on the bus. So I called when I got home and there was no answer. Now I was walking through the shopping centre waiting for her to call. I couldn't wait and sent her a message "are you home?"
No reply. After I got my bus ticket, I went back to my car and tried to drive to the beach but got lost. On the way I called her again. This time she picked up. I asked her if she was home and she said she wasn't. My first instinct was that she was lying because her lights were on, but then I heard background noises. I told her I got something from the city today that I needed to show her. She asked if it could wait as she was sick. I said it was an urgent surprise. She said she didn't like surprises.
I asked if she'd be home at 7:30pm and she said she might, and I said I'd be there, remembering Ele's words to take control. She asked me why I was being so insistent, and I knew then that I should back off, so I said alright, I won't come. I asked if she wanted to go out on Saturday and she said she might be meeting friends. I said I'd wait to hear from her.
My mind was running a million miles per hour. I called Ele while driving and told her what had happened. She asked if I was near Victoria's house, and I said yes. She told me to leave the flowers there. I told her no. She kept fighting with me to leave it then. Finally I lied and said I would.
By now I was parked outside her house. I called that Men's Relationship helpline and talked to a guy about the situation. He hit some core points, saying it had to do with my self esteem. I was crying.
After the call, I sat in the car for a bit before leaving.
I had lunch with Ele, with the main purpose to talk about it. We went to the laksa place in TGV. Before I could tell her all the facts, she stopped me and said my problem was that I wasn't direct enough. She told me to be direct, and relayed the story of how her husband had just told her "you're my girlfriend".
She told me to get some flowers, and tell her - not ask - that I would be at her place at 7:30pm. At first I thought this was stupid, but after lunch Ele took me to the florist and showed me some flowers. I still thought it was a stupid idea, but somehow during the afternoon, the idea grew on me.
Yes...I could do it. Call her and let her know I just wanted to see her for a short while. I'd give her the usb back, and hide the flowers behind my back, bring it forward into sight, and ask "will you be my girlfriend?"
So after work, I went to a florist and bought a rose. Felt like a complete tool holding it on the bus. Not sure if there was a proper way of holding a rose, but pretty sure I was holding it wrong.
I went home to get the car and drove off to Bondi. I went past her house and at first thought there was no one home, but then saw the lights upstairs were on. I drove to the shopping centre to buy a bus ticket whilst waiting for her to call back. She had in fact called back whilst I was on the bus, but I didn't want to talk on the bus. So I called when I got home and there was no answer. Now I was walking through the shopping centre waiting for her to call. I couldn't wait and sent her a message "are you home?"
No reply. After I got my bus ticket, I went back to my car and tried to drive to the beach but got lost. On the way I called her again. This time she picked up. I asked her if she was home and she said she wasn't. My first instinct was that she was lying because her lights were on, but then I heard background noises. I told her I got something from the city today that I needed to show her. She asked if it could wait as she was sick. I said it was an urgent surprise. She said she didn't like surprises.
I asked if she'd be home at 7:30pm and she said she might, and I said I'd be there, remembering Ele's words to take control. She asked me why I was being so insistent, and I knew then that I should back off, so I said alright, I won't come. I asked if she wanted to go out on Saturday and she said she might be meeting friends. I said I'd wait to hear from her.
My mind was running a million miles per hour. I called Ele while driving and told her what had happened. She asked if I was near Victoria's house, and I said yes. She told me to leave the flowers there. I told her no. She kept fighting with me to leave it then. Finally I lied and said I would.
By now I was parked outside her house. I called that Men's Relationship helpline and talked to a guy about the situation. He hit some core points, saying it had to do with my self esteem. I was crying.
After the call, I sat in the car for a bit before leaving.
posted by toey | 20:58
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