Some sage advice

Sorry, I did it again =(

After telling myself to not contact her for today, I broke that promise. I feel bad, and I should feel bad (insert Zoidberg meme here).

In afternoon at 12:47pm, I was playing that Korean game she introduced me to, and finally got a score higher than her in one of the mini-games. Whenever you get a high score it allows you to send people a message on Kakaotalk to 'show-off'. I couldn't miss this opportunity so I did it.

It wasn't read for a very long time. In fact, I managed to go to the gym, come back, go out to Bondi to get a new steering wheel cover, and come back, before it showed she checked the message at about 3:30pm.

Then at 4:49pm, I was missing her so badly, I sent her a picture of a teddy bear with the words "I sure miss you a lot!".

I wonder if I am being too clingy? It's now 8:36pm and she hasn't checked the message. She also doesn't appear to have played the game lately either, so maybe she has had a busy day, though it is only up to my imagination as to what could possibly cause her to be so busy as to not even be able to check her phone.

Anyway, last night while I was up, I posted my problems at the usual forum, seeking some advice, and I got some sage advice, which I'd like to post here as a reminder:

Everyone is a bit unsure about how a SO feels about them or vice versa, especially in the early innings. From reading your posts, I'd say that what happens is you tend to take what are essentially small things and thoughts and over analyse them and blow them out of all proportion. That's partly because you appear to have the habit of setting up rules and tests and meanings for you and the people around you that aren't know to or shared by others. For instance, you mention trying to keep texts to a "weekly thing." I'm left asking why and is she aware?

... 

What I see is a normal fear of rejection and/or intimate relationships that is running high above normal levels and just keeps you from letting things happen as they will. In other words, you are expecting rejection so readying yourself for it by controlling circumstances and inventing rules that pretty much any girl will run aground of. This doesn't make you a bad person at all. Perhaps it indicates you are a sensitive person who is too down on himself, i.e., for some reason you don't quite believe you deserve a good relationship so you self sabotage.

How to change that mindset? Well it takes some serious self-examination and learning to develop unconditional friendship for yourself. Also, perhaps learning to curb your tendency to over interpret. And, above all, learning that failures are not so bad. In fact, they are essential steps to success. That endeavour will likely go faster and be more successful if you get help with it. 

Also:

Zen, the "unconditional friendship for oneself" is one translation of the Buddhist term "maitri." One of the things the meditation practices can teach is how to develop that. The focus for the Tibetans is to develop that loving kindness and compassion for all beings. They generally hove no problem with holding that attitude to themselves. But the lamas have found that Westerners have so many wounds to loving themselves that the start with developing self compassion first for us foreigners. Typically it means learning to regard yourself with curiosity, gentleness, and no judgement.

I am trying to keep those things in mind, especially trying to free myself of my own 'rules'. Everytime I do it I feel a bit better, but always instinctively revert back to them. I also gotta admit, the casino is sure creeping back into my mind now. Part of me wants to test to see whether they actually did end up taking any serious action against me about that $500, but the larger part of me doesn't really want to be bashed in a casino backroom.

Oh yeah, I also saw today that Erica's shop had updated their roster. I'm not sure when it starts, but it shows she is working Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Hmmm...guess she didn't manage to get the weekend off. But if the Monday shown on that roster refers to this coming Monday, ie. 31st, then she's not working, and it makes me think maybe she asked for that day off to spend with me?

What makes me think that day might be the 31st? Only five girls working, as opposed to the ten the day before.

Guess I will ask her when she responds.