19

Been a bit busy at work this week instructing AW in a private hearing. Despite him being at the same chambers as Victoria, and me having been there a few times now, I haven't seen her nor has there been any mention of her by AW.

On Wednesday we played Flashbing, and I swear it was the most frustrating game. Both teams got off to a cold start with neither scoring for a while, but then they started scoring and we didn't. Then their best player got injured on a freak accident that didn't involve any contact, so I thought, well this makes it easier for us, right?

We changed courts because the injured player had to be left there, and the frustration continued. It just seemed like we killed ourselves, shot ourselves in the foot, lost the game ourselves. The other team didn't necessarily play good, we just played horrible. Mark looked like he didn't even try to catch some of our passes, the ball slipped out of my hand on a fastbreak pass, and Mike kept taking the ball up and losing it. Most frustrating one was when he lost it and the other team hit a three straight away.

THEN with a few minutes to go in the game, down by only about four points, one of their players fouled out, so they only had four left. EASY WIN RIGHT?

Fuck no. We still managed to fuck everything up and lose. Just truly amazingly horrible.

We're a weird team. Sometimes we play like the best team in the division, but then other times we play like we've just woken up from a coma. No one to blame but us.

On Thursday it was the last day of the work week before the four day weekend. My hearing abruptly ended at around noon when a witness decided he suddenly wanted a lawyer, so I had an early finish. Mob had just gone on leave, and it seemed like most other people had left early.

So after waiting for the transcripts and delivering them to AW, I decided to go to the casino. I had transferred $2000 from my savings account in anticipation of having a gambling binge long weekend. My goal was to win $100 each day, and so maybe get up by $400 at the end of it.

I got there expecting to see some of the usual dealers like Julie and Summer, but I barely recognised anyone. I lost the first spin, but then won almost every other spin. I got lucky winning on three splits, and thereafter just played colour/column, feeling a bit like a pensioner just passing time away. With each I would win $10 or $20, but it was accumulating. On one or two occasions I'd get both and win $110. But the main thing was, I never really lost on any spins. It was pretty unbelievable.

After about two hours, I decided being up $600 was enough, so I cashed out and left. I walked past the membership table area and saw some BMW promo girls were just about to start, thinking Jenny may be a part of it. I was right. After spotting three white girls grabbing their gear, I saw Jenny be the last one to get into the area to join them.

Yesterday at around noon I decided to head back to the casino for a bit more, even thought I had far exceeded my goal for the entire weekend. If Thursday I was winning everything, then Friday I was losing everything.

On the first spin I went on 1-2 section and it landed on 19. Then I went black/third column and it landed on 19. Fuck 19.

The wheel went on a streak of 0-3 sections and even though I didn't play on all of them, it was enough to hurt me. I hung in there long enough but the outlook was getting bleak. Even a change of several dealers didn't help things.

To make things worse, that 'death' looking old man was playing at my table, and I always tell myself not to play when he's near me because he just looks freakishly like death.

I went big, about $300 or $400 on one spin hoping it would be 1-2, but I lost. I decided to cash the fuck out with $200 left. I wasn't sure what I was going to do, but I felt like putting $200 on one number and leaving.

My thought was to put it on zero, and so I walked around the tables looking for zero but none had appeared. That was kinda strange. I ended up back at the table I was at and saw 35 had come up twice. I gave good consideration to putting $200 on 35, but didn't.

It landed on 35.

I stood there, thinking about how much of a cruel joke this all was. I mean, the realisation that I had just forgone $7000 was really starting to burn inside me.

I then went to the next table where the dealer was a chubby young guy with glasses, who I had seen many times before. The last number spun was 19. I thought it would be apt to put it all on 19, the number that seemed to be fucking me up all day. I had just a feeling about it, just like I had a feeling about 35 earlier. 

So as the dealer spun, I decided to put one, instead of two, $100 chips on it. I reached out but could only reach far enough to place it on a 19-22 split. I asked the dealer for 19, he asked "what?" and I said "nineteen" and he put it on.

It landed on 19.

Everyone on the table looked back at me like "whoa" and probably thought how the fuck I knew that. I joked to the dealer "am I allowed to give you a kiss?" and he pretended to stick his cheek out to receive one lol.

I couldn't believe it myself. It had happened. My first ever big win on a single spin. 

I was so out of this world, I wasn't even able to fathom what was about to happen. I mean, I knew I had won $3,500 but I couldn't process it. The dealer was paying out with a $1000 chip and something else for the two $25 chips on top of mine, and thinking that it was my payout, I said "no separate, separate".

The deathly looking old man was like "that's for the other player, what are you talking about?" I then realised he was right and didn't know what the fuck I was on about. I had won $3,500 so how on earth could that $1000 something pay out be for me?

Anyway, afterwards the dealer simply put out three $1000 chips and five $100 chips and slid them over to me. I asked for me $100 chip back and he said "no triple?" and I said "it'd have to be a pretty big kiss". I watched the next spin and it didn't land on 19. I walked off to cash in.

I left, and walked back to the main part of the city. I was so excited I was half skipping everywhere. I realised my actions were consistent with those of what I would do had I lost. It was a very thin line indeed between winning and losing.

But you know what else I realised? I began to think about how getting something so easily made you not value it as much. I mean, I had just won $1600 really, and up now by a total of $2200 (including the previous day's $600), but I felt so vulnerable to losing it again. I wasn't valuing it. I didn't appreciate it. It almost felt like nothing.

Then I thought about Jenny. Perhaps being too available all the time for her made her not value me? I think that played a large part. I remember at the time, I thought going out in a group with Coco and G made things easier to get Jenny, but in hindsight, it didn't. It just made me more available and decrease my value.

Anyway, I spent much mental energy thereafter trying to appreciate what had just happened. I had a one in 37 chance, and I put a relatively large stake on it. The ball had to roll right into that fucking hole. That exact slot. And it happened. And $1600 is not a small sum of money.

Value it.

Value it.

Value it.

I can guarantee you that this will never happen again.

I also thought about how this was a good time to actually hang up my boots on the game. It was a good way to end things. But would I?

I caught the bus back home then got ready for Brain to pick me up. It surprised me to see Shuing also in there, as he had said he would meet us at Burwood station. We tried to get Malay but he was asleep.

We drove out to Burwood to pick Thai up, then went to the pub that my team sometimes goes to after games, but it was closed. So it was decided to go to the Bankstown all you can eat.

Everything was going good until Thai and Brain spotted a cockroach near the salad bar lol. That actually made things more interesting as we kept seeing how long it would be until someone noticed it. Apparently a lot of people didn't see it right in front of them lol.

It was also interesting as the topic of the night seemed to be Brain telling us about how he went to the bank for a loan for a property but got rejected. It was interesting for two reasons: 1) he had plans to buy a property, and 2) he was being open to us.

Also of interest was how we found out when entering the buffet, upon registration, that the address on his licence was based in Campsie. No one ever knew that. When I asked him, he just said "because my official address is Campsie, it's my Aunty's address". Me thinks it has been done for insurance purposes.

Anyway, I ate so much I felt like throwing up. Afterwards we went to Stratty for a coffee. Shuing was argumentative as usual. I had tried to keep it under wraps but one thing got a bit explosive. We got talking about that video where the Thai model made a rant about how rude the Chinese were:

Shuing said he thought it was rude of the Thai model to film the Chinese, and I said it wasn't rude. He gave the example of sticking a camera in someone's face and asked how that wasn't rude. Thai sided with me and said the difference was the Thai model wasn't sticking the camera in anyone's face.

Anyway, I realised two things about Shuing that night: 1) he likes to point his finger at me when talking/arguing which is really annoying; and 2) the condescending tone of his conversations come largely from the way he starts a topic or conversation off. So for example, if we are talking about currency, he will say something like "unless it's Zimbabwe". He will anticipate you asking "why?" and then he will say something like "you don't know?" or "it's obvious isn't it?" as if to make you feel like an idiot for not knowing what the hell he is on about.

A more overt way he will do this is to ask "you know why don't you?" if you don't ask "why?". He will then proceed to explain with the strong undertone that you are stupid for even needing his explanation in the first place.

Soon after I suggested calling it a night before anything else exploded. Brain surprisingly was willing to drive Thai back home. He dropped Shuing off first and then me.

I then went back out to see Cindy. I was still excited about the big win earlier and wanted to tell someone. I first enquired about whether Angel was working but she wasn't. Misha was working, and she would be the perfect person to tell as she seems to be interested in gambling. But then I thought about Cindy and how any $250 that I paid would be better off benefiting her anyway, so I asked if she was working, which led to me going to her motel in Ashfield.

I got there at about midnight. It was the same motel that Jin and I had spent a night in before. Ah memories.

I was looking for room number eight, and Cindy was standing there with the door open waving for me to come in. So I went in, used the bathroom then sat down to talk to her. I showed her the money and told her, but was a bit disappointed with her response. I guess I was expecting Misha's type of enthusiasm.

We talked about her work a bit. She said she had only one customer the whole day, and that her friend was in room 10 working. I told her I would go on a holiday in June, and asked if she wanted to go to Thailand. She asked if it was dangerous and I said a bit. She also said something about me paying $1000 to see her for a day and I was like "hell no".

I asked if she was hungry and we ended up going to Macca's. We went to the closest one but the lights turned off just before we drove in, so we went to the one closer to Coco's place. She told me that her friend wanted a hamburger lol. I was happy to get it for her, mainly because I was curious what her friend looked like.

We made enough (funny) conversation while waiting for our meals. I noticed as we walked she would again walk close to me, touching my back. Despite me paying $250 for this, I already felt I had far exceeded my ROI on everything I had done with Jenny.

With our food in hand, we went back to the motel. She went to her friend's room and came back to tell me her friend was doing her hair and was always slow. So we ate and talked. I actually couldn't believe I could still eat after the buffet.

After a while I asked her to just take the food to her friend's room as it was getting cold, so she did. But later her friend came over to thank me. On first sight, I thought the closest resemblance was Lina, but her face was much thinner. I was glad that it wasn't anyone I already knew. That would've been awkward. After saying some greetings she went back to her room.

Cindy told me she had previously worked at Angeltown (which she called "638") last year. I asked why it closed and she said because immigration came and caught two girls working there. She said they separated everyone and interrogated them about their schools and courses. I asked if the 127 shop had been visited by immigration and she said it hadn't been for three years, and neither had 638 but for that day.

After eating I got tired and went to lay on the bed. She asked me to shower, thinking I wanted sex. I was too full of food to have sex. I said I just wanted to rest and she gave me a blanket on the bigger bed to sleep on. She sat at her desk playing with her phone. I couldn't really go to sleep because I was worried she would look through my phone (even though I did sort of trust her given she had left me alone with her phone several times already) and also because I was starting to get a stomachahe.

Eventually I got up to go to the toilet and probably made some bad smells. When I finished I told her I was going to go home, as I felt more oncoming attacks. So I left, and she was very caring, telling me to drive carefully, coming out to my car with me in the rain, and offering me her last beer.

Maybe it is all just an act. But it was an act I enjoyed.