The mid-year function
Monday
I met up with Jessica in the morning to walk to work together. The idea was to talk about one of my cases which she took over, but we only talked about that a bit and then just talked about other work related things the rest of the time. Part of me wondered if there was any 'potential' there, but I think it would make me look pretty bad since I talked shit about her behind her back after I didn't get the SLO position. Also, she seems a little bit pedantic about minor things, such as which side of the road to walk on.
All in all we got along ok, there were moments of silence, I didn't find it awkward, but just sometimes felt like the peace and quiet.
I got really bored at work. I actually stayed in the office during lunch to eat my sandwich (started making chicken and avocado sandwiches to save money and to be healthier). In the early afternoon, it was like all of a sudden I was hit with this headache, the type where there's a huge pain behind the eyeballs. Then I felt like vomitting. I'm not sure what caused it...could boredom cause something like this?
I had still planned to go to the gym at the Wick, but after I got home, I was totally out of it and went to sleep straight away.
Tuesday
If we had to pin point the one day where I had made significant progress in gelling with the people at work, today would be it. When I came back from lunch, Mob told me that I would see a bunch of emails discussing nicknames for me and apologised in advance if it caused me any offence. Of course I didn't, and I saw that after all the emails, I had now been given a nickname - something my old work place didn't do, maybe because there weren't so many others with the same first name as me.
Also, us lawyers had a meeting in the afternoon to discuss what we were going to talk about at the meeting for everyone on Thursday, and I contributed a lot more and was more frank, rather than just sitting and observing.
I also had a walk with Genie during lunch, where we basically talked about her office. For some reason it made me glad that I was no longer there.
Wednesday
On Wednesday I had my fourth counselling session with Margy. I've come to the realisation that she's not going to go anywhere near my love life or the depression that I've mentioned a couple of times. Instead, it seems that we're going to focus on my mindset in battling this addiction. Which is fine, once I've come to accept that.
Doing some rough calculations, on the basis that I've been gambling for four years, $1000 per session (remember, I only started with $50 bets, then in the midst of it was 'only' betting $800 per session) and losing 7/10 times, she estimated that I've lost about $266k. Even though that is only a very very rough estimate, it is still quite disgusting.
To be honest, I don't really know what I've lost overall. A large part of me is still in denial, and doesn't even want to think about it. If I had to guess, I'd say maybe, $30-40k? That is still an awful lot.
One thing she asked me to do was try to write down what thoughts I had right before the urges come to my mind. Which is a kinda hard thing to do...I mean, what are you thinking about right now? And what were you thinking just prior to that?
After work I went home, got the car and then drove out to bball for Mike's team. We were leading for most of the game, then late in the game gave up the lead and lost. We did make a bit of a comeback, with a quiet jump shot of mine, but we just didn't have enough. Mike and I did duty, and then I went to eat with him and the rest of the team. I talked mainly to Kelvin and Mike, and was secretly hoping that Derek would introduce the girls he was talking to at another table, but he never came over except to say bye.
Thursday
In our basketball game, I started on the bench. The other team had this short, but quick guard who quickly propelled his team to like a 15 point lead. When I came on, I made it a priority to shut him down. He hit a three pointer on me, but after that I shut him down so that we started catching up. But it wasn't enough due to A's constant turnovers, and we lost the game.
After the game, my right knee was soooo sore. Not sure if it was just because of this game and the game the previous night, or an aggregate of all the constant basketball games and the running I did on the weekend. I've decided I'll rest it for a week.
Friday
So after work we had the mid-year function. I didn't go for drinks at 5pm, instead I went to the gym to relieve the pain and ache in my knee. Getting on the bike made my knee feel so much better. It worked out well, because I don't drink, and wasn't really interested in standing around to talk.
I got there just before 6:30pm, and walked past Roy and the Commish, nodding, then setting into a conversation with Mob, Ben and Taryn. When dinner was served, we sat at our 'legal' table, joined by the Commish and Ian. It was my first real experience with the Commish, but even then, he didn't really talk to me at all. I got the feeling that he's kinda shy, and is not so good socially, kinda like...me.
It was funny when Ian asked what he should be called, and the Commish obviously wanted to be called The Commish, but was straining to think of a tactful way to say it. He also goes to the gym apparently. Other thing I found out was the dude's getting paid his pension and his salary for this job. Wow.
Taryn obviously got a bit drunk, and it was funny to watch him because he just kept babbling on about things. He is a good example of alcohol emphasising one's true nature.
So for a while Mob kept the Commish entertained while I just talked with Taryn and Ben. Then Ian and the Commish went home, Taryn went somewhere, Ben moved next to me and we talked, but then some guy's wife sat next to Mob and they started talking. I felt obliged to be a part of it, especially when Ben left, but I just sat there quietly listening to her talking about being a diving instructor. I felt socially awkward, and Mob would sometimes try to bring me nto the conversation.
After a long time I excused myself to go to the bathroom, and when I came back I grabbed my jacket and was ready to go. I had planned to see Bibi, but when I approached Ben and Rob, I got lured into that conversation and ended up having a bit of an insightful talk with Rob. He was telling me about his days as an undercover, and he was glad he got out of it although he doesn't regret one day of it. He said it was getting to him mentally. I could tell he was drunk, but he just kept talking emotionally about his work and his kids. I could see he was almost to tears.
When we went to grab our bags, he suggested we grab a beer next time and I could tell him about myself. I was trying to be humble (not evasive) by saying I didn't have much to tell as I had a boring life, but he said everyone has an interesting story to tell. Hmmm.
After that I caught the bus home. I called the shop and was told Bibi wasn't working. I got that same disappointing, down-the-roller-coaster feeling and decided I'd go see someone new anyway. I really need to manage my expectations.
I went to the bathroom and then drove out to the shop. I was shown three girls, the last one being a somewhat petite girl who stood almost outside the room. I think she didn't want to be picked, but I picked her anyway. Her name was Sammi.
As soon as we got into the room, I realised I had picked a dud. She wasn't talkative, told me to shower, and just sat there as I was undressing. When I got into the shower she joined me and showered me. I asked her how long she'd been in Australia and she said over half a year. She then broke her nail doing up her hair, and seemed a bit distressed about that. I was about to suggest seeing another girl, but then she seemed to get over it.
I found out that she didn't want to be picked because she hadn't eaten yet, and was about to eat when I picked her. She also said she had a bad customer earlier. She mentioned something about a toy, so either the guy was using something, or she meant he treated her like a toy.
I laid on my tummy as usual, but she asked me to turn around. She got on top of me and started kissing my chest and started giggling. Hmmm don't know why. Guess she was getting over the bad customer. I realised she was kinda cute when she smiled/laughed, and told her so. She went down on me a bit before getting on top of me. She started to pull me up like how Naby used to do, and I started kissing her breasts before she suggested changing positions.
So I got on top of her and she seemed quite into it. She liked me kissing her neck, and she was even kissing my neck and once or twice my face. She wanted me to hold the back of her neck which I did, and we went at it for a long time. We eventually changed positions a bit where I had her legs on my shoulders, never done that before. I couldn't believe I went that long. Eventually I got tired and asked her to get on top. She was reluctant, but I said I was nearly there so she did, and we finished like that.
She got me a drink, had a smoke, and then we laid down next to each other and talked. She said the previous guy was Vietnamese, and she could tell from his eyes that he was a bit crazy. It made me think about everything that Erica had to go through. I felt sorry for her, yet felt like a hypocrite since here I was as a customer as well.
She said the guy treated her bad just because he paid, but she said everyone should be treated the same as we're all people. I asked her why she got into the job, she said she was a beauty therapist in Korea, doing nails and eye lashes, but it wasn't much money and she wanted her own shop, so she did this. I joked and asked her to make me beautiful. She said she also does waxing.
I held her and she actually held my hand and our legs intertwined.
After I left, I wondered if I should start something with her, or keep trying Bibi. I got along with Sammi very well, mainly because she is more talkative, but Bibi is better looking.
I met up with Jessica in the morning to walk to work together. The idea was to talk about one of my cases which she took over, but we only talked about that a bit and then just talked about other work related things the rest of the time. Part of me wondered if there was any 'potential' there, but I think it would make me look pretty bad since I talked shit about her behind her back after I didn't get the SLO position. Also, she seems a little bit pedantic about minor things, such as which side of the road to walk on.
All in all we got along ok, there were moments of silence, I didn't find it awkward, but just sometimes felt like the peace and quiet.
I got really bored at work. I actually stayed in the office during lunch to eat my sandwich (started making chicken and avocado sandwiches to save money and to be healthier). In the early afternoon, it was like all of a sudden I was hit with this headache, the type where there's a huge pain behind the eyeballs. Then I felt like vomitting. I'm not sure what caused it...could boredom cause something like this?
I had still planned to go to the gym at the Wick, but after I got home, I was totally out of it and went to sleep straight away.
Tuesday
If we had to pin point the one day where I had made significant progress in gelling with the people at work, today would be it. When I came back from lunch, Mob told me that I would see a bunch of emails discussing nicknames for me and apologised in advance if it caused me any offence. Of course I didn't, and I saw that after all the emails, I had now been given a nickname - something my old work place didn't do, maybe because there weren't so many others with the same first name as me.
Also, us lawyers had a meeting in the afternoon to discuss what we were going to talk about at the meeting for everyone on Thursday, and I contributed a lot more and was more frank, rather than just sitting and observing.
I also had a walk with Genie during lunch, where we basically talked about her office. For some reason it made me glad that I was no longer there.
Wednesday
On Wednesday I had my fourth counselling session with Margy. I've come to the realisation that she's not going to go anywhere near my love life or the depression that I've mentioned a couple of times. Instead, it seems that we're going to focus on my mindset in battling this addiction. Which is fine, once I've come to accept that.
Doing some rough calculations, on the basis that I've been gambling for four years, $1000 per session (remember, I only started with $50 bets, then in the midst of it was 'only' betting $800 per session) and losing 7/10 times, she estimated that I've lost about $266k. Even though that is only a very very rough estimate, it is still quite disgusting.
To be honest, I don't really know what I've lost overall. A large part of me is still in denial, and doesn't even want to think about it. If I had to guess, I'd say maybe, $30-40k? That is still an awful lot.
One thing she asked me to do was try to write down what thoughts I had right before the urges come to my mind. Which is a kinda hard thing to do...I mean, what are you thinking about right now? And what were you thinking just prior to that?
After work I went home, got the car and then drove out to bball for Mike's team. We were leading for most of the game, then late in the game gave up the lead and lost. We did make a bit of a comeback, with a quiet jump shot of mine, but we just didn't have enough. Mike and I did duty, and then I went to eat with him and the rest of the team. I talked mainly to Kelvin and Mike, and was secretly hoping that Derek would introduce the girls he was talking to at another table, but he never came over except to say bye.
Thursday
In our basketball game, I started on the bench. The other team had this short, but quick guard who quickly propelled his team to like a 15 point lead. When I came on, I made it a priority to shut him down. He hit a three pointer on me, but after that I shut him down so that we started catching up. But it wasn't enough due to A's constant turnovers, and we lost the game.
After the game, my right knee was soooo sore. Not sure if it was just because of this game and the game the previous night, or an aggregate of all the constant basketball games and the running I did on the weekend. I've decided I'll rest it for a week.
Friday
So after work we had the mid-year function. I didn't go for drinks at 5pm, instead I went to the gym to relieve the pain and ache in my knee. Getting on the bike made my knee feel so much better. It worked out well, because I don't drink, and wasn't really interested in standing around to talk.
I got there just before 6:30pm, and walked past Roy and the Commish, nodding, then setting into a conversation with Mob, Ben and Taryn. When dinner was served, we sat at our 'legal' table, joined by the Commish and Ian. It was my first real experience with the Commish, but even then, he didn't really talk to me at all. I got the feeling that he's kinda shy, and is not so good socially, kinda like...me.
It was funny when Ian asked what he should be called, and the Commish obviously wanted to be called The Commish, but was straining to think of a tactful way to say it. He also goes to the gym apparently. Other thing I found out was the dude's getting paid his pension and his salary for this job. Wow.
Taryn obviously got a bit drunk, and it was funny to watch him because he just kept babbling on about things. He is a good example of alcohol emphasising one's true nature.
So for a while Mob kept the Commish entertained while I just talked with Taryn and Ben. Then Ian and the Commish went home, Taryn went somewhere, Ben moved next to me and we talked, but then some guy's wife sat next to Mob and they started talking. I felt obliged to be a part of it, especially when Ben left, but I just sat there quietly listening to her talking about being a diving instructor. I felt socially awkward, and Mob would sometimes try to bring me nto the conversation.
After a long time I excused myself to go to the bathroom, and when I came back I grabbed my jacket and was ready to go. I had planned to see Bibi, but when I approached Ben and Rob, I got lured into that conversation and ended up having a bit of an insightful talk with Rob. He was telling me about his days as an undercover, and he was glad he got out of it although he doesn't regret one day of it. He said it was getting to him mentally. I could tell he was drunk, but he just kept talking emotionally about his work and his kids. I could see he was almost to tears.
When we went to grab our bags, he suggested we grab a beer next time and I could tell him about myself. I was trying to be humble (not evasive) by saying I didn't have much to tell as I had a boring life, but he said everyone has an interesting story to tell. Hmmm.
After that I caught the bus home. I called the shop and was told Bibi wasn't working. I got that same disappointing, down-the-roller-coaster feeling and decided I'd go see someone new anyway. I really need to manage my expectations.
I went to the bathroom and then drove out to the shop. I was shown three girls, the last one being a somewhat petite girl who stood almost outside the room. I think she didn't want to be picked, but I picked her anyway. Her name was Sammi.
As soon as we got into the room, I realised I had picked a dud. She wasn't talkative, told me to shower, and just sat there as I was undressing. When I got into the shower she joined me and showered me. I asked her how long she'd been in Australia and she said over half a year. She then broke her nail doing up her hair, and seemed a bit distressed about that. I was about to suggest seeing another girl, but then she seemed to get over it.
I found out that she didn't want to be picked because she hadn't eaten yet, and was about to eat when I picked her. She also said she had a bad customer earlier. She mentioned something about a toy, so either the guy was using something, or she meant he treated her like a toy.
I laid on my tummy as usual, but she asked me to turn around. She got on top of me and started kissing my chest and started giggling. Hmmm don't know why. Guess she was getting over the bad customer. I realised she was kinda cute when she smiled/laughed, and told her so. She went down on me a bit before getting on top of me. She started to pull me up like how Naby used to do, and I started kissing her breasts before she suggested changing positions.
So I got on top of her and she seemed quite into it. She liked me kissing her neck, and she was even kissing my neck and once or twice my face. She wanted me to hold the back of her neck which I did, and we went at it for a long time. We eventually changed positions a bit where I had her legs on my shoulders, never done that before. I couldn't believe I went that long. Eventually I got tired and asked her to get on top. She was reluctant, but I said I was nearly there so she did, and we finished like that.
She got me a drink, had a smoke, and then we laid down next to each other and talked. She said the previous guy was Vietnamese, and she could tell from his eyes that he was a bit crazy. It made me think about everything that Erica had to go through. I felt sorry for her, yet felt like a hypocrite since here I was as a customer as well.
She said the guy treated her bad just because he paid, but she said everyone should be treated the same as we're all people. I asked her why she got into the job, she said she was a beauty therapist in Korea, doing nails and eye lashes, but it wasn't much money and she wanted her own shop, so she did this. I joked and asked her to make me beautiful. She said she also does waxing.
I held her and she actually held my hand and our legs intertwined.
After I left, I wondered if I should start something with her, or keep trying Bibi. I got along with Sammi very well, mainly because she is more talkative, but Bibi is better looking.
posted by toey | 20:14
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