2nd counselling session
Luckily on Tuesday, MOB was off work due to sickness. So I didn't have to think about whether I should give a false explanation for my extra long lunch or not. I considered telling her I was seeing a physio to justify my 75 minute lunch, but wondered if not saying anything would be better than a lie. Maybe another issue for another day (like next week).
My other concern fell away as well - bumping into Wongy at the counselling place, as he'd be around there doing interviews. When I left my building, I saw him downstairs smoking. He so doesn't look like a smoker. But he does look gay. And acts gay.
Anyway, this time I didn't have to wait too long to see Margy. She looked a bit more attractive this time, with her hair slick and tied up, which made me a bit nervous. So nervous that I was playing with my fingers in the beginning, and she noticed it.
She started by asking me if I gambled on the weekend, and I said no, but if I had my credit card I probably would have.
Since we already talked about my family last time, she asked me about my schooling. I said it was alright, and talked about the two turning points - being rejected by Rhino and getting snobbed by those guys from SBHS in the YA event. I told her I still got low marks after that (78.80) and she asked "do you think that's low?" and I wondered if she got lower.
I can't believe I was close to tears when I talked about those events as well, hmmm, even after all these years.
She asked me if there was anything else significant that I should mention, and I wondered about all the whoring but said nothing. Maybe the 'relationships' aspect of my life will come up next.
Sometimes she would yawn and look at the clock, which made me think I was being boring.
I brought in the Dr Jekyll-Mr Hyde analogy (twice), but don't think she liked it. Maybe she thinks it's a way of absolving responsibility?
At the end, she asked me to try to write down my thoughts, or urges, on gambling. I agreed to do it, but wondered if I could conjure up my dark side now that I had no credit card. I am planning to try it tomorrow. It's hard to talk about the actual addiction itself without being in the 'mood', it's hard to re-articulate all the emotions and thoughts you go through in that very moment at a later time.
My other concern fell away as well - bumping into Wongy at the counselling place, as he'd be around there doing interviews. When I left my building, I saw him downstairs smoking. He so doesn't look like a smoker. But he does look gay. And acts gay.
Anyway, this time I didn't have to wait too long to see Margy. She looked a bit more attractive this time, with her hair slick and tied up, which made me a bit nervous. So nervous that I was playing with my fingers in the beginning, and she noticed it.
She started by asking me if I gambled on the weekend, and I said no, but if I had my credit card I probably would have.
Since we already talked about my family last time, she asked me about my schooling. I said it was alright, and talked about the two turning points - being rejected by Rhino and getting snobbed by those guys from SBHS in the YA event. I told her I still got low marks after that (78.80) and she asked "do you think that's low?" and I wondered if she got lower.
I can't believe I was close to tears when I talked about those events as well, hmmm, even after all these years.
She asked me if there was anything else significant that I should mention, and I wondered about all the whoring but said nothing. Maybe the 'relationships' aspect of my life will come up next.
Sometimes she would yawn and look at the clock, which made me think I was being boring.
I brought in the Dr Jekyll-Mr Hyde analogy (twice), but don't think she liked it. Maybe she thinks it's a way of absolving responsibility?
At the end, she asked me to try to write down my thoughts, or urges, on gambling. I agreed to do it, but wondered if I could conjure up my dark side now that I had no credit card. I am planning to try it tomorrow. It's hard to talk about the actual addiction itself without being in the 'mood', it's hard to re-articulate all the emotions and thoughts you go through in that very moment at a later time.
posted by toey | 20:17
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