Wasted

Perhaps not surprisingly, I didn't sleep too well last night. I woke up numerous times throughout the night, once to the voice of my mom on the phone, and once I banged my ACL-less knee against the wall. Ouch.

But that reminds me, I once overheard my mom talking to my dad on the phone. He had rang her and all I heard was my mom saying "you're useless, call me back when you have re-charged your phone".

I don't know man, but I don't think I'd take that shit. It's not just rude, it's degrading. Given my past failures with women, I think I would get seriously pissed off if a woman called me useless. I think Twish will grow up to be a bit like that. I think my dad has spoiled my mom way too much.

Anyway, I woke up today feeling not as bad as I thought I would. We don't have court today, and I feared I might stay at home to do some self-loathing, but I got dressed and came to court and have finished a draft of my job application with the CDDP. I hope I get this one. At least they have proper funding, and they look like they will get back to you in time, instead of jerking you around.

I must admit, I think my hatred towards women has gone up a point after this experience. Last night, after I parked my car, I saw a girl walking with her boyfriend, and I thought to myself "what, you gonna reject me too?". That same thought occurred to me as I saw women on my bus today.

It is a hard lesson in growing up. I have come to realise that the only thing I should ever love and cherish is money. Why? Because every single other thing in my life has sucked me dry and spat me out.

Look at Fat Pat - forget all those years I devoted to the team, he just walked away when we started losing, and I didn't even get one sympathetic ear about my injury. Thanks.

Then you have girls, who, like Emily/Jenny, used me for my money, and gave me every extra service there was but still refused to go out with me.

Then the casino, they're all smiles and open arms when you walk in with money, but after you lose everything, you're like dirt - they want you out of the place as soon as possible. You're no good to them anymore.

And my mom, of course, if I don't do things she likes or buy things she likes, then I am not a good son. Forget getting into law school and becoming a lawyer, which is what you wanted me to be when I was growing up. It's always more, more and more with her. I can never satisfy her. It's always something I can get, and I can't give. I will always be a bad son in her eyes.