Short eyebrows
Yesterday morning I thought about a jog in the park, but then decided against it because my knee felt a bit sore from Thursday. I decided to go get a haircut, and thought maybe I could jog there, because I was kinda in the mood for jogging up a hill. So I grabbed only my wallet and keys, and did a bit of stretching before I left. That was when I noticed that my right knee was a little swollen. It could've just been my imagination, but it looked a little swollen. Immediately the image that conjured up in my mind was the one that I read about in Jordan's book where he would constantly have the fluid drained out of his knee just so he could keep playing for the Wizards.
In a way, it was comforting to know that people could still play with a swollen knee. In another sense, it scared me because it showed how fragile I was. Thinking about Thursday, initially I thought that I may be able to sustain this level of play. But looking back, I think I was very lucky to not injure myself. I would like to err on the side of caution.
Anyway, it felt good to have a walk, it was so peaceful. The barber was quite busy, and there were about two guys ahead of me. Both him and his wife were working. I calculated who would get who and figured that when it was my turn, I would get the wife, who was the better of them both. But when the husband finished, he called me, so I guess the guy before me had stated that he wanted the wife. I don't mind too much, but of course if given the preference I would go with the wife. The guy keeps giving me these GI Joe haircuts that were cool only back in high school (or maybe not even).
After that I went to the shopping centre to get a fruit salad topped with museli. I ate it as I walked back home. On the way, I got to see a horse race in action, and they are really magnificent creatures. Their muscles shining and moving in rhythm, the sounds of their feet hitting the grass, all so beautiful. Too bad we humans make them do stuff like this, just for our self interest. For money.
I spent the afternoon washing my car. I wasn't really feeling it, but the thought that it may have gathered dirt these past few days irked me enough to do it. I really love my car. I was so glad when I finished to see it shining and sparkling. Now I can't bear to use it.
My neighbour from unit 5 saw me again, and made some comment like "you're too good" when she saw me washing. It made me feel a little guilty to know that the image I was projecting was completely different to the real one. I could just picture how in court, they'd give character evidence for me, saying how I was just a nice, simple guy, out to wash his car every week. What they didn't know was the problem gambling and the regular whoring.
I had a bit of a nap, which is always bad because it makes it harder to sleep when you're supposed to. I thought about going out at night, but didn't know where to go, and didn't want to use my car. I ended up watching about half of Saw late at night, and then went to sleep.
Today, I stayed at home in the early morning, just eating breakfast and bumming around on the net. Then I walked out to the city to get my sister her birthday cake. During my walk, the devil started talking to me again.
You've got $100 spare, you can win $25 and go. That's a free cake. You'll get the cake for free. Or better, you can win $50, and that'll be a free train ticket. All you need is for the ball to land on your colour and column, and you'll get $75. You might even get enough to see Emily/Jenny.
Shut up, shut up. What if I lose? Then I might not even have enough to live out the rest of this month. Won't it be embarassing if you have to ask mom for money? And putting aside winning, you're never going to cut your habit if you keep going like this.
The thought of losing managed to scare me off, but I fear the true battle will come when I get paid next month. It's one thing to not gamble because you don't have the money; it's another to abstain from gambling when you have the money and choice to.
Anyway, I went to check out the cakes first, then went to the upper part of the city to get my weekly ticket, then went to JB and bought Ali for $10. They had a new Street Fighter anime I hadn't seen before, but it was $24 and I was low on money, so it was pretty hard to forgo it.
I went back to Chinatown to get the cake. On the way, I saw so many Asian girls who resembled Emily/Jenny, I couldn't help but stare just to make sure. I suppose she does have that stereotypical look about her, and further, I don't think she looks like what she looks like in the shop.
My sister wanted a cake with fruits, and they had a white one, a purple taro one, and a green, green tea one. I thought that it was a bit boring to have a white one every year, so I went with the green one. My sister came home shortly after me, and she had a piece of the cake. I asked her if she wanted to wait for mom to get home first, and she said no.
I suppose that's a pretty good example of the way we've been brought up by our mother - formality or manners, or procedures were never important, what was important was getting what you wanted for yourself. And when you grow up like this, it is affection-less. Sure, you get the material goods that every other kid in a loving family gets, but you miss out on what is most important - love. I've always liked to think of the way I was brought up as being a child who was locked in his room, and being thrown things for sustenance and to keep him happy, but lacked any love, affection and interaction.
My mom always cites her purchases for me as examples of her being a good mother, but it is that very thing which irritates me. She is constantly buying me things I don't want or need - so how is that looking after me? To give an example, in high school I always wanted Nike or Addidas tracksuits. I grew out of them once I hit uni, and it was only during uni that she started buying tracksuits for me. During uni I was into wearing hoodies, but for the past year or so, I've (because of the influence of Bobby) started wearing more mature clothes. And of course, she now buys me hoodies which I no longer need.
But let's give her the benefit of the doubt and pretend I like the things she buys me. How can buying material goods ever be a replacement for affection? I am a an affection-less robot today because that was the way I was brought up.
When my mom found out about the cake she chided me for it. Forget the effort I went to getting it, or that I'm actually close to a zero bank balance, getting the wrong cake was as bad as being a non-achiever who never even made it into tertiary education. It's never "let's see the positive side of things" with her, it's always "let's look at the negative".
Just yesterday, I decided to get up on a high stool to change the light bulb in the bathroom. Initially I had given up because the top bit stuck to the ceiling had come loose, and so you couldn't separate that from the glass globe covering it, but I wanted to give it another go. So there I was, standing on the stool high up in the air with a bad knee, with glass and shit all around me if I fell, trying to take down this glass globe which, it seemed, if I squeezed too hard it would break and I could picture pieces of glass stuck in all over my bleeding hand. I managed to take it off and change the bulb, and do I get a thanks? Nope.
I was googling face reading and short eyebrows today (because I have short eyebrows, kinda like Kobe) and found this (unkindly called "poverty eyebrows"):
I don't know, but I was kinda freaked out by how accurate this seemed. I mean, poverty? If you think about it, I've never really been well off. During uni I was receiving benefits, and even after I was working, I only saved up a few grand which I spent on my trip to Hong Kong. And of course, there is the current debt I am in due to gambling.
And lack of affection? Wow, I mean, it's like this book knew me all my life. Far out. And then if you think about it, what help have I really gotten from anyone, ever? I got into uni myself, I graduated myself, I found the job myself, I succeeded there myself. Thanks for the help y'all.
And that bit about being romatically adventurous, well, it feels like I am trying to make up for what I lacked in my childhood with Emily/Jenny. I don't really see her for sex - if it was sex I wanted I could go see any other girl. I like her because she gives me a level of intimacy and closeness no one else has ever given me. No one.
I am not sure about the violence and criminal activity, maybe that is a chapter I haven't reached yet in my life. But come to think of it, I can get pretty angry when girls reject me.
In a way, it was comforting to know that people could still play with a swollen knee. In another sense, it scared me because it showed how fragile I was. Thinking about Thursday, initially I thought that I may be able to sustain this level of play. But looking back, I think I was very lucky to not injure myself. I would like to err on the side of caution.
Anyway, it felt good to have a walk, it was so peaceful. The barber was quite busy, and there were about two guys ahead of me. Both him and his wife were working. I calculated who would get who and figured that when it was my turn, I would get the wife, who was the better of them both. But when the husband finished, he called me, so I guess the guy before me had stated that he wanted the wife. I don't mind too much, but of course if given the preference I would go with the wife. The guy keeps giving me these GI Joe haircuts that were cool only back in high school (or maybe not even).
After that I went to the shopping centre to get a fruit salad topped with museli. I ate it as I walked back home. On the way, I got to see a horse race in action, and they are really magnificent creatures. Their muscles shining and moving in rhythm, the sounds of their feet hitting the grass, all so beautiful. Too bad we humans make them do stuff like this, just for our self interest. For money.
I spent the afternoon washing my car. I wasn't really feeling it, but the thought that it may have gathered dirt these past few days irked me enough to do it. I really love my car. I was so glad when I finished to see it shining and sparkling. Now I can't bear to use it.
My neighbour from unit 5 saw me again, and made some comment like "you're too good" when she saw me washing. It made me feel a little guilty to know that the image I was projecting was completely different to the real one. I could just picture how in court, they'd give character evidence for me, saying how I was just a nice, simple guy, out to wash his car every week. What they didn't know was the problem gambling and the regular whoring.
I had a bit of a nap, which is always bad because it makes it harder to sleep when you're supposed to. I thought about going out at night, but didn't know where to go, and didn't want to use my car. I ended up watching about half of Saw late at night, and then went to sleep.
Today, I stayed at home in the early morning, just eating breakfast and bumming around on the net. Then I walked out to the city to get my sister her birthday cake. During my walk, the devil started talking to me again.
You've got $100 spare, you can win $25 and go. That's a free cake. You'll get the cake for free. Or better, you can win $50, and that'll be a free train ticket. All you need is for the ball to land on your colour and column, and you'll get $75. You might even get enough to see Emily/Jenny.
Shut up, shut up. What if I lose? Then I might not even have enough to live out the rest of this month. Won't it be embarassing if you have to ask mom for money? And putting aside winning, you're never going to cut your habit if you keep going like this.
The thought of losing managed to scare me off, but I fear the true battle will come when I get paid next month. It's one thing to not gamble because you don't have the money; it's another to abstain from gambling when you have the money and choice to.
Anyway, I went to check out the cakes first, then went to the upper part of the city to get my weekly ticket, then went to JB and bought Ali for $10. They had a new Street Fighter anime I hadn't seen before, but it was $24 and I was low on money, so it was pretty hard to forgo it.
I went back to Chinatown to get the cake. On the way, I saw so many Asian girls who resembled Emily/Jenny, I couldn't help but stare just to make sure. I suppose she does have that stereotypical look about her, and further, I don't think she looks like what she looks like in the shop.
My sister wanted a cake with fruits, and they had a white one, a purple taro one, and a green, green tea one. I thought that it was a bit boring to have a white one every year, so I went with the green one. My sister came home shortly after me, and she had a piece of the cake. I asked her if she wanted to wait for mom to get home first, and she said no.
I suppose that's a pretty good example of the way we've been brought up by our mother - formality or manners, or procedures were never important, what was important was getting what you wanted for yourself. And when you grow up like this, it is affection-less. Sure, you get the material goods that every other kid in a loving family gets, but you miss out on what is most important - love. I've always liked to think of the way I was brought up as being a child who was locked in his room, and being thrown things for sustenance and to keep him happy, but lacked any love, affection and interaction.
My mom always cites her purchases for me as examples of her being a good mother, but it is that very thing which irritates me. She is constantly buying me things I don't want or need - so how is that looking after me? To give an example, in high school I always wanted Nike or Addidas tracksuits. I grew out of them once I hit uni, and it was only during uni that she started buying tracksuits for me. During uni I was into wearing hoodies, but for the past year or so, I've (because of the influence of Bobby) started wearing more mature clothes. And of course, she now buys me hoodies which I no longer need.
But let's give her the benefit of the doubt and pretend I like the things she buys me. How can buying material goods ever be a replacement for affection? I am a an affection-less robot today because that was the way I was brought up.
When my mom found out about the cake she chided me for it. Forget the effort I went to getting it, or that I'm actually close to a zero bank balance, getting the wrong cake was as bad as being a non-achiever who never even made it into tertiary education. It's never "let's see the positive side of things" with her, it's always "let's look at the negative".
Just yesterday, I decided to get up on a high stool to change the light bulb in the bathroom. Initially I had given up because the top bit stuck to the ceiling had come loose, and so you couldn't separate that from the glass globe covering it, but I wanted to give it another go. So there I was, standing on the stool high up in the air with a bad knee, with glass and shit all around me if I fell, trying to take down this glass globe which, it seemed, if I squeezed too hard it would break and I could picture pieces of glass stuck in all over my bleeding hand. I managed to take it off and change the bulb, and do I get a thanks? Nope.
I was googling face reading and short eyebrows today (because I have short eyebrows, kinda like Kobe) and found this (unkindly called "poverty eyebrows"):
In the face-reader's handbook, eyebrows that are conspicuously short are a bad sign. Short eyebrows are closely associated with poverty and a lack of affection during childhood and youth.
People in this category are considered especially unlucky because they usually cannot depend on getting any kind of help from family or friends in any of their endeavors.
Ancient Chinese texts on face reading indicate that men with short eyebrows typically attempt to make up for the affection they missed during childhood by being romantically adventurous in later life.
If such men are unsuccessful in their relationships with women, the face-reading texts add, they will typically turn to violence and criminal activity.
I don't know, but I was kinda freaked out by how accurate this seemed. I mean, poverty? If you think about it, I've never really been well off. During uni I was receiving benefits, and even after I was working, I only saved up a few grand which I spent on my trip to Hong Kong. And of course, there is the current debt I am in due to gambling.
And lack of affection? Wow, I mean, it's like this book knew me all my life. Far out. And then if you think about it, what help have I really gotten from anyone, ever? I got into uni myself, I graduated myself, I found the job myself, I succeeded there myself. Thanks for the help y'all.
And that bit about being romatically adventurous, well, it feels like I am trying to make up for what I lacked in my childhood with Emily/Jenny. I don't really see her for sex - if it was sex I wanted I could go see any other girl. I like her because she gives me a level of intimacy and closeness no one else has ever given me. No one.
I am not sure about the violence and criminal activity, maybe that is a chapter I haven't reached yet in my life. But come to think of it, I can get pretty angry when girls reject me.
posted by toey | 19:21
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