Emotional void - filled?

Probably for the first time in a very long time, I went to bed last night not really feeling anything for or against Naby. It was just a neutral feeling.

I walked to work today, had an ok day. I got most of my minute done, that really needs to be finished. It got a bit stressful in the middle of the day when someone from the other side called about the police seeing his client. It made my lunch go cold too, grrr.

I called up my credit card company and reduced my credit limit. I knew I had to control the devil, and this was one way of doing it. I reduced it from $12,000 to $6,000.

Also, during the day, this thought occurred to me: the girl who screwed me over was Emily. The girl I used to see at the massage shop was called Emily. Now this new girl at the massage shop is also called Emily. F me...

At the end of the day, I decided to go gambling, even though I had my gym gear with me. I went purely to make money. I didn't do it out of my anger with Naby. I just wanted to win back my losses.

My goal was to win $200. After a near death, I was up $170. Just $30 more and I could go, but nope, I ended up losing it all back. Fook. Ok, never again.

As I sat there at the tables, I could feel that it was a way to fill an emotional void. Naby filled that void for the last 18 months or so, but now I was beginning to feel that Emily was filling it. I'm not sure yet. Things are moving a bit fast. I didn't expect to have sex on the second visit.

We'll see how things go, guess I shouldn't hope for too much, and just try to have fun.