End of Naby...

I have an incentive to type this as quickly as possible, as early as possible - I need to delete Naby's number now...

So yesterday morning I left for the long drive up. I left at about 6am and went to get Macca's for breakfast. Originally I could afford to get to Newcastle by noon as that was when my matter was listed, so I could've left at 9am, but late Tuesday Mary said Moira also had a matter there and it'd look weird if I did one and not the other, so I offered to do it.

I got there before 9am, parked in the car park and then dragged my mini suitcase to the court. It wasn't open yet, so waited outside with a lot of other people, standing there shivering in the cold.

When it was opened I went in, and then sat outside my courtroom waiting for it to open. When it did open, I waited around for the PP to arrive and then told him I was here to do the matter which he had been sent papers for, so I got them off him and then mentioned it when the other side did it.

After that I went outside and read up on the matter. Even though it was at noon, it seemed like it wouldn't be long. Less than two hours really. I made a phone call to the angry cop and couldn't get a hold of him. I hear he's just had enough of being in his section, lol.

I then decided to go pay my phone bill, then returned to court to prepare some more. Eventually Burke from the other side showed up, and we went into the LA room to discuss it. He had a junior with him, who was a very attractive girl, looked like she'd just come outta uni. We had a friendly talk about it and then went back out. My informant then arrived and we talked a bit before we went into court.

Sometimes I have this 'insecure' feeling that if I don't say something, then I think people think I know nothing, which made me interrupt Burke, lol. I wasn't opposing it strongly, and neither were the cops, so I thought it would be granted, and it wasn't a very very strong case either. But the mag asked us questions, and then in answering one, I made the only point I had, and then she said "well I'm not granting him bail then".

Yikes.

I didn't think that would happen. The effect of what I had said didn't hit home until that moment. Something I had said had prevented someone coming out of jail.

We walked out and I thought Burke would've been at least a little angry - if not at me, then at the mag. But he was very nice and funny about it, saying it was a fair result. As I watched him talk, I observed how the niceness came out of him, yet he was also confident, and somewhat good looking. He was one of those guys you couldn't hate. One of those guys I wouldn't mind being.

I waited for him to leave before I had a more candid chat with the cop. We walked out together talking, and then parted at the street corner.

I put the stuff back in the car and then went for lunch. I walked around a bit before settling on Subway, just like the last time I was there. I was still thinking about the matter, and also about my next movement to Maitland.

I finished my lunch and then headed to the car. It was only supposed to be about a 40 minute drive, but it took about an hour and 20 minutes as I had a bit of difficulty looking for the motel. Finally found it after asking someone.

It was bigger than I thought. Definitely bigger than the one I was in at Dubbo. This one looked a bit like an old castle or mansion. I parked out the front and then went in to see an old lady at the reception. She asked if I had a credit card in case I used any services, and I stupidly handed it over. I should've just said no.

I went up to my room. Walking past all the other doors and numbers made me think about taking a holiday. I found my one and went in. It was a bit exciting to be staying in a motel. Maybe it was the excitement of being in a new place, or the excitement of having done a matter already. but I decided to text Naby. Then I decided against it and told myself I'd do it at night.

All along I've been thinking about asking her out, convinced that after what happened in the last session, she would be agreeable to coming out with me. I was sure of it. 100%.

I got changed and then went out for a walk. Because I didn't have my toothbrush I needed gum. I ended up walking back to the city centre which was quite a walk, maybe about 30 minutes. When I stopped at the traffic lights, I couldn't help it anymore, and I texted her.

Me @ 16:17 - Hey Domo...how are you? :)

I crossed the road, and soon, I felt my phone vibrate. I smiled, knowing it was her.

Naby @ 16:19 - Yeah good.. How a u? Im finished school and I homework now! :(

I was so excited, I needed to sit down. I sat down at a bench close by and texted her back.

Me @ 16:21 - Study hard! I'm in Maitland now for work, about 3 hours from Sydney...are you free on Sunday? I want to take you to eat German food for dinner

I got up and resumed walking along the street. No vibration. No reply. I kept checking it, but thought maybe she just wanted to wait a bit before replying. Or maybe she didn't want to come off as too easy.

But the longer I waited, the less confider I got, and the sadder I got.

I bought a pack of gum and headed back to the motel. I decided not to text her. I was fairly sure the answer was a 'no' by now, but I wanted to see her reply. After all, I did ask her a question, so the least she could do is reply.

But then I couldn't handle it anymore, and followed it up.

Me @ 18:05 - It's ok, if you are busy then maybe next time..................

And as I typed that, I just deleted the last messages of her. Now I don't have her number.

I was still waiting for a reply, but it never came. The excitement of being in a new place soon turned into loneliness. Even though I had lived by myself in Lismore for three months, I now knew how Bobby felt. It is really really lonely being in a place all by yourself. Sometimes you take your family for granted.

I crawled into bed, half waiting, half thinking. I knew I had to go out to get dinner, but I had lost my appetite. Funny, earlier I was really looking forward to having dinner - a happy dinner. I didn't feel like eating. I was ready to fall asleep, but I set my alarm to 7:30pm in case I did fall asleep, just so I wouldn't fall asleep too early, and it'd give me a chance to get something to eat.

After a while, my stomach was hungry, although my mind didn't feel like eating. I went out anyway, intent on grabbing something from Hungry Jacks across the road. I walked there, only to discover that it wasn't opened yet. I swear I thought it was open when I saw it earlier in the day.

I went back to my car and drove out to the main city area. I finally went to that Henny Pennt store I wanted to go to ever since I first saw it. I bought a burger combo and left.

I ate it by myself in my room, watching The Simpsons, which lessened the effect a bit of what had happened.

I then tried to go to sleep, but it was hard. So much was going through my mind. Do I see her on Friday night and playfully ask her why she won't come out to dinner with me? Or do I skip seeing her for a while...or forever? Why doesn't she want to go out with me? Why won't she at least make up an excuse?

The thoughts were running through my head like a group of elephants stampeding in the wild. So much was on my mind...

I don't know when, but I finally fell asleep, only to be woken up by Bo at 11pm, telling me we'd won. I was hardly in the mood to talk. He apologised for calling when I was asleep, but I still had enough in me to ask if Any had played (he hadn't).

I then rolled around in bed for a bit before falling asleep again, until about 4am when I just rolled around in bed half asleep until sun rise. Part of me had decided not to see her for six weeks - so I could save a month's worth of money and then use the next fortnight's money to see her. I'd like to see if she sends me a message then.

I had a shower and afterwards looked at myself in the shower. Maybe my receiding hairline made me hair style look a bit old fashioned, but otherwise, I had quite a nice body. My hint of abs were showing, and I was lean. I asked why no one liked me.

As I got dressed, I no longer felt lonely. As I reached for my nice white shirt and my slim black suit, I pictured myself as a successful professional inside my own house, reaching for my nice clothes. I told myself to strive for that life, and to save up for it now. I told myself to forget about her.

I got dressed, packed and checked out. I wondered what there was to stop them from framing me for using something in my room that I didn't use? Like what if they accuse me of eating a chocolate bar?

I drove and parked next to the court. I went to Subway to get breakfast and then went back to the car to get the suitcase. I waited around until court opened. The list went fairly well. The mag recognised me because she gave me a big smile when she saw me.

I was mostly focused when on my feet, but sometimes when writing up files during a spare moment, my mind would trail to Naby.

I finished the list at just after 2pm. I drove off rather quickly, wanting to get back to the office before 5pm. I got back at just after 5pm, after speeding through the freeway at an average of 130km/h. I'd be surprised if I didn't get a speeding ticket. I came very close though, because there was a yellow cop car parked in the middle of both directions, and I swear I was speeding at that time, but maybe not enough to waste his time.

I spoke to Mary a bit and then she left. I checked my emails. Surprisingly I got no voice mail messages these past two days. Guess people didn't miss me.

I felt like going for a walk. I'll admit, I was a bit depressed. I thought about the casino, but I knew that if I started, it wouldn't end, and I didn't want to go through all that again.

I went to Myer and checked out the shoes. I am really getting tired of my boy-schoolish shoes. I want something more handsome, more manly. But I didn't see anything I liked.

So yeah, I've deleted her contact and messages now, no way I have her number anymore. It's easier to deal with when I tell myself she doesn't exist. I'm not saying I'll never see her again, but maybe just not for a long time.