Feeling useless
I felt sooooo bad at work yesterday. The day before Angie B had come to talk to me about a matter that was in court the next day. I got the impression that she was going to do it and I'd instruct, so I confirmed that with her and she said "ok, but I'll be there at 10". I said I'd stand the matter down.
So yesterday just before the mention, I figured maybe it'd be better if I just do it myself, to save some time. I called Angie to get the nod but she didn't pick up. So to be on the safe side, I stood the matter down to 2pm, and then the barista from the other side told me Angie B had told him I'd do it, and then voiced his displeasure to Jo from my office.
Although Angie B seemed ok with what I had done when I saw her, I think she was just being polite. The thing that made me think otherwise? The fact that she went to the office and not the court at 10.
Closer to 2pm, I met up with her to go to court, and we bumped into Cox. Cox asked where she was going, and Angie B said "just a mention", which I interpreted as "just something so trivial that my sol was meant to do but couldn't, so now I have to trek up there in the 40 degree heat to do myself".
Oh god...
Even worse, there were some complications during the mention, like when we told the judge we weren't ready to proceed next week because the victim had made plans after learning that it wasn't likely to go ahead anyway. The judge said she shouldn't have told her that...but it was him who said it!!!
Ah fuck, who am I to say the judge is wrong...
I felt so useless that day. And even worse, I know that if I leave in the near future, this will be the impression they'll have of me, whereas if I stick around then I could at least fix my image.
Today at work was sooooo boring. Because I won't be in court next week, I don't have those short matters to prepare which keeps the pressure on, so I pass my time by reading up on matters that are due in like March next year. I don't think I can stand much more of this...luckily it'll be the christmas break soon.
Oh and today we had an office meeting, and part of it was a formal welcome for me. Don and a few others clapped. I sat there and just smiled, feeling guilty knowing that I'd soon tell them I was pissing off. And to make things worse, Col said that they'd send me down to Sydney in January for a training day...why the hell waste your money on training me if I'm going to leave soon???
So today is the 10th, a Thursday. Ele leaves tomorrow. Somewhere in the back of my mind I'm half expecting a call or a message from her saying goodbye. But I doubt she will. The question then begs: will she call me to pick her up from the airport upon her return? And if so, will I have the stubborness and consistency to ignore it? Funnily enough, that is the same day Shuing returns from America, so I will be at the airport to pick him up anyway. Maybe if she is there, I will say to her face that there is no room in my car.
In the back of my mind, I have also been asking myself whether it is just me who has misinterpreted this whole thing. Maybe she has treated me just as a friend all along?
But then how do you explain the shouting me dinner? Calling me back immediately after I sent that farewell message? Giving me that small cuddly toy? Proposing to get me a stripper? Telling me she thought I was sweet?
My test is, could you envisage Michelle doing all that?
So yesterday just before the mention, I figured maybe it'd be better if I just do it myself, to save some time. I called Angie to get the nod but she didn't pick up. So to be on the safe side, I stood the matter down to 2pm, and then the barista from the other side told me Angie B had told him I'd do it, and then voiced his displeasure to Jo from my office.
Although Angie B seemed ok with what I had done when I saw her, I think she was just being polite. The thing that made me think otherwise? The fact that she went to the office and not the court at 10.
Closer to 2pm, I met up with her to go to court, and we bumped into Cox. Cox asked where she was going, and Angie B said "just a mention", which I interpreted as "just something so trivial that my sol was meant to do but couldn't, so now I have to trek up there in the 40 degree heat to do myself".
Oh god...
Even worse, there were some complications during the mention, like when we told the judge we weren't ready to proceed next week because the victim had made plans after learning that it wasn't likely to go ahead anyway. The judge said she shouldn't have told her that...but it was him who said it!!!
Ah fuck, who am I to say the judge is wrong...
I felt so useless that day. And even worse, I know that if I leave in the near future, this will be the impression they'll have of me, whereas if I stick around then I could at least fix my image.
Today at work was sooooo boring. Because I won't be in court next week, I don't have those short matters to prepare which keeps the pressure on, so I pass my time by reading up on matters that are due in like March next year. I don't think I can stand much more of this...luckily it'll be the christmas break soon.
Oh and today we had an office meeting, and part of it was a formal welcome for me. Don and a few others clapped. I sat there and just smiled, feeling guilty knowing that I'd soon tell them I was pissing off. And to make things worse, Col said that they'd send me down to Sydney in January for a training day...why the hell waste your money on training me if I'm going to leave soon???
So today is the 10th, a Thursday. Ele leaves tomorrow. Somewhere in the back of my mind I'm half expecting a call or a message from her saying goodbye. But I doubt she will. The question then begs: will she call me to pick her up from the airport upon her return? And if so, will I have the stubborness and consistency to ignore it? Funnily enough, that is the same day Shuing returns from America, so I will be at the airport to pick him up anyway. Maybe if she is there, I will say to her face that there is no room in my car.
In the back of my mind, I have also been asking myself whether it is just me who has misinterpreted this whole thing. Maybe she has treated me just as a friend all along?
But then how do you explain the shouting me dinner? Calling me back immediately after I sent that farewell message? Giving me that small cuddly toy? Proposing to get me a stripper? Telling me she thought I was sweet?
My test is, could you envisage Michelle doing all that?
posted by toey | 19:59
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